Author Topic: "Fueled By Doubt: Part 2"  (Read 112 times)

Online Myra Rivers

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"Fueled By Doubt: Part 2"
« on: December 10, 2021, 11:29:17 PM »
CC316

Having packed up my belongings, I was walking down the hallway toward the arena exit. Earlier in the night, I had wrestled Roxi Johnson to a draw. Roxi may have been kicking herself over the outcome. But me?

I was feeling great.

I could feel the satisfaction pour through me as I walked down the hallway and reflected on the events of the night.

“Everyone was expecting Roxi to win tonight…” I thought to myself with an amused smile. “...I was doubted not just because I was only two weeks removed from Chamber of Extreme, but because our last encounter didn’t go so well for me. Yet, all that doubt did was fuel me. This wasn’t necessarily THE outcome I wanted, but I’m going to take it because being able to show THIS type of progress THIS quickly into being the Rebellious Vixen again is a great sign for the future.”

I paused my thoughts and stopped by a metal crate. Reflecting more on the match and the journey that I was on, that joy within me was only growing.

“What this outcome means to me personally is that I am on the right path. If I am able to take one-thirds of the High Stakes main event to a DRAW, when I may not even be 100 percent at the moment due to the Chamber, when this is just my SECOND match into being me again… then I KNOW in my heart that in due time, I will get my due. I am only going to get STRONGER, I am only going to get BETTER! My critics were silenced tonight. But as the Rebellious Vixen, quieting them comes natural to me… especially since the purest version of who I am originated with me enduring the worst critic I will EVER meet in my life…

My father…”

I stood up again and reflected on him as I resumed my walk…

July 18, 2002

“Hurry Jaz! Hurry!”

Jazmyn was loading the last of my stuff into a U-Haul pickup truck on the morning of my 18th birthday.

“That’s everything, right?”

“I believe so… SHIT, I still have my mom’s photo album from her wrestling career! Give me a second!”

I quickly ran back inside my father’s mansion and up the stairs. Going into my bedroom, I spotted the album on the top shelf of my closet and quickly grabbed it. I bolted out of my bedroom and ran down the stairs again. The door was wide open and I was about to run through it…

“Where do you think YOU’RE going?” my father’s paralyzing voice said as I froze in my tracks. My first instinct was to ignore him and keep walking. “Did I give you permission to go anywhere?”

“I’m 18!!!” I snapped as I kept walking all the way to my car and the U-Haul truck.

“Miranda Lynette Rivers, you get back into this house this instant!” he said as he followed me.

“NO!” I yelled as I turned back to face him. “I’m an ADULT now! You don’t get to tell me what to do! I’m OUT OF HERE! I’m going to start my wrestling career just like I dreamed of.”

My father bursts out laughing.

“Stupid… just like your mother. You STAY in this house and that is an ORDER!”

“NO!”

“Why did I even bother raising a stupid little girl like you? You’re not going to make it in wrestling, Miranda. In fact, you’re never going to amount to anything. The most miserable time of my life was wasting MY time trying to mold you into something. As it turns out, your mother left behind the biggest burden I’ve ever had in my LIFE! I never wanted you! You are the WORST excuse of a daughter ANYONE can ask for: always defiant, rebellious and mentally disabled if I say so myself…”

Jazmyn calmly took my mother’s photo album to pack in the U-Haul while my eyes narrowed as a way to cope with the emotional abuse I was enduring at the moment.

“If your mother on her deathbed didn’t make me promise her that I would raise you myself, I would’ve abandoned you at the orphanage because THAT is what you’re worth to me. I look at you and I see a worthless little girl that will come crying back here within a month because she realized she couldn’t hack it in the real world.

‘Oh, the wrestling was too hard.’

‘You were right, I didn’t know anything after all’

‘I couldn’t hack it in training because I’m such a whiny little snowflake…’

“If I’m such a burden to you, then why are you trying to force me to stay here?”

“Because I CONTROL YOU…”

“YOU DON’T! The only reason why you want me to stay here is because you get your rocks off making me miserable! That’s ALL you ever did! You NEVER loved me OR accepted me. You tried to force your life on me so I could be just like you: a senile, brainwashed corporate puppet! You NEVER once said ‘I love you’ to me or threw me a birthday party or ever allowed me to have any fun. WHY would I want to stay? So you can continue to emotionally abuse me like you have for the last 11 years?”

“Seeing you suffer does bring joy to me, I won’t lie about that. Your mother’s biggest mistake was giving birth to you. You’re NEVER going to be successful. You won’t last a MONTH in professional wrestling.”

“I’ll prove you wrong…”

“You won’t, because you’re staying…”

“I’M LEAVING! You can’t make me stay now that I’m 18! Let’s go Jazmyn…”

Jazmyn quickly heads inside the U-Haul while I waste no time getting into my car. My father stood there in disbelief thinking I wasn’t going to leave.

“Miranda, if you leave my house right now to start your stupid wrestling career, don’t even BOTHER coming back!”

The abuse had gotten to me to the point where there were tears in my eyes as I turned on the ignition.

“...I won’t… even if I fail. I swear on my mother I will prove you wrong and make you regret what you’ve missed out on. Goodbye, father. This is the last you will EVER see of me…”

I floored it before my father could respond in a panic reaction and Jazmyn immediately began to follow me. I slowed down once I saw a “STOP” sign. At this point, I buried my face in the steering wheel and lost it. I didn’t know if I was crying because I just took the abuse that I did, because I was scared of the unknown with my wrestling journey starting or if because I was happy to have escaped 11 years of torment my father put me through.

Regardless… I only had one thing in mind as I lifted my head up.

“I’m going to make my dreams come true…” I said through my tears. “I’m going to be the best wrestler I can possibly be and make my mom proud of me. I’m scared that this won’t work out… but I’m going to make sure I do everything that I can to make this happen…”

I took a deep breath and proceeded on with my drive away from the biggest doubter I’ll ever encounter in my life and toward a scary, uncertain journey into the world of professional wrestling…

CC316

I took a deep breath of joy as I walked into the parking lot. Right as I walked into the parking lot, I noticed there was a group of Roxi fans that were stunned in silence. While I didn’t beat Roxi, the expressions on their faces were acting as if I had. I shrugged and winked at them in a playful, lighthearted fashion.

“Look at their faces.” I thought to myself as I stopped to soak their reactions in. “They are stunned… deflated even. They didn’t think I’d hang with Roxi after all I’ve been through lately, but I did. I silenced the doubters tonight. Tonight’s outcome tells me that the best is yet to come and that I WILL become the SCW Bombshells World Champion someday. But, considering that I didn’t win? There is still work to be done! I will continue to prove that I DESERVE to be one of the best Bombshells in the division and that I am truly destined to be its world champion. By no means is this it for me…”

I smiled once more before continuing to walk toward my car while basking in the glow of the brighter future that I knew was ahead of me.

December 5, 2021

“Just be yourself…” I said to myself again and again as I looked into the mirror of my hotel room after last week’s show. “...guys like that… right?!?!?”

Roxi Johnson didn’t make me nervous, but going on my first date with Jasper certainly did. I took a few deep breaths while I was feeling a knot in my stomach.

“I just want this to go well…” I said as I heard a sudden knock on the door. This noise nearly made me jump out of my shows as a startled chill went down my spine. “...he didn’t mention picking me up here…”

I gathered myself and took another deep breath as I walked to the door. I opened it and I was in for a surprise. Only, the surprise wasn’t Jasper, it was Luciana Verdoza… the same Luciana that I had told off in Seattle to overcome my eight year old demon that she herself brought to me. Remembering our rivalry in PRW and all the shit she put me through, especially “that match” where she made me feel like I failed my mother and then-unborn daughter, made my blood boil when I saw her face.

“I thought I told you to stay away fr…” I took a pause when I saw that Luciana’s face was carrying not conceit as usual, but sadness. “...are you okay?”

“Can we talk?” Luciana asked me.

I was a bit struck by the fact that of all the cities Luciana wanted to talk to me in, it HAD to be Phoenix where that match just happened to take place. I narrowed my eyes in anger toward her and she winced, getting the message.

“I know I am the last person you want to see…”

“You would’ve been my father’s favorite wrestler considering all of the mental abuse you put me through in PRW and the attempted abuse you tried to commit toward me in Seattle when you tried bringing my daughter into it.”

“Myra… I…” Luciana took a pause. Regret filled her eyes. “...I don’t want to fight, okay? I came here to say that I’m sorry.”

My mind just went numb with disbelief. Did my biggest rival ever, the same woman that psychologically tortured me in PRW again and again, and who caused me eight years of psychic pain by beating me in my last match before my maternity retirement then ran up the score saying I failed my loved ones really just say she was sorry?

“...I am so sorry for how I constantly treated you in PRW. It goes without saying that I hurt you so many times in so many different ways…”

“Do you want me to start when you insulted and made fun of my mother’s death the first time we met 12 years ago? Or how about the time where you constantly told me I’d never amount to this, or that I’d never amount to that? Or, how about the time you called me a failure of a daughter and a mother and laughed in my face while I was bawling over losing to you… in this fucking town no less? Or, how about a couple of months ago when you dragged me to Seattle to put doubt in my head that I wasn’t going to beat Amber at Violent Conduct? How sorry are you? Why should I trust you after all this time?”

“Myra, I fucked up. I should’ve never done those things to you. I hurt you when I did, I would write you off and try to bring you down psychologically because… honestly? I was insecure with myself due to my own problems and I felt the need to take them out on you…”

I widened my eyes and stepped aside. Luciana walked in carrying a large bag and I shut the door behind her.

“Go on…”

“When I broke into this business, I made it a goal to be the ‘number one bitch’. When I was a rookie, I was constantly bullied backstage in my first company. It scarred me. I went elsewhere and I made history, broke gender barriers, won my first world title and I got used to being NUMBER ONE! I was fixated on being THE best women’s wrestler in the world. Then, I went to PRW and I found out that they signed you. I’ll be honest with you, Myra. When I found out that you were going to PRW… I… I was so intimidated by you…”

“Really?”

Luciana nods.

“I had heard about you. I knew about the Rebellious Vixen. I watched NSWA and WXWF. I knew you were the real deal the moment I saw you wrestle for the first time. You frightened me because my spot as ‘number one bitch’ was threatened by you. For the first time, I knew there was a woman that might be better than me…and I couldn’t take it. So, I treated you the way I did because even before our first match together, I knew the Rebellious Vixen was the real deal. I heard about your story. I saw all the bullshit you were overcoming against all odds in NSWA and WXWF. And… you’re going to find this hard to believe, but I admired the shit out of her…”

“You know… I can believe that. When I first arrived in PRW and realized I was going to be on the same roster as you, having heard about your reputation… I was intimidated by you…”

Luciana just laughs at this.

“PLEASE! I know I’m good and everything, but YOU intimidated by ME? Girl, I was going behind your back BEGGING the powers that be not to put you in a match with me. The Rebellious Vixen had, and still has, an amazing heart for this business. You LOVE what you do! You’ve wanted to do this since you were a little girl.Me? I entered it to compensate for a failed Hollywood career. You were brave enough, in your first company, to tell your critics and haters to shove it up their asses. Me? I bent, I hid, I cried, I let my first company abuse me before I ran away and left. YOU were always braver than me. You were tenacious in that ring, motivated to prove everyone wrong. Me? I was timid and I held back and basically let my critics get to me. You have the heart, tenacity and bravery for this business that I always envied of you because I never had any of those things… and I WANTED those things. But in PRW… I never got them. Sure, I beat you in PRW’s last show and won that world title three times but… it all felt hollow to me. Abusing and bullying you the way I did, I hate to admit it, was how I filled the void…”

“I don’t know how to take all this…” I said, understandably dumbfounded. “You abused me, constantly doubted me and tried to fill my head with lies because you admired me and were intimidated by me? What the fuck? You didn’t need to be like that…”

“But I was… because I admired you and was intimidated by you.”

“You said I would never be a world champion in PRW…” I reminded her. “You said I’d never be a lasting star in this business. You told me that I would be a flash in the pan. You told me that I’d be a failure in the business like my mother was. You told me I would never be half as good as you…”

“I was WRONG, Myra…” Luciana says with a regretful sigh. “Win or lose, every time you and I wrestled together, you proved my doubts wrong… especially THAT match right before your maternity retirement. I thought you were too emotionally burdened to even come close to beating me… and you proved me wrong by giving me the challenge of my life that day.”

There was a stunned quietness in my eyes hearing a completely different perspective about that night from the woman herself.

“Myra, even NOW, all these years later, I STILL consider the Rebellious Vixen the toughest opponent I’ve EVER faced in my career. The first two times we faced each other? You kicked my ass! And that’s including PRW’s first flagship show in Atlanta. Gosh Myra, I would rather Atlanta be the definition of our rivalry… not the match we had here where I broke your spirit for so long and you feel like such a failure that you went to the dark side and took eight years to recover from it.”

“I actually agree with you on that. I remember the match we had in Atlanta… the history that we made. The “Team Myra vs. Team Luciana” battle between the fanbase. The fact that THE two dominant women of their time was THE main event of PRW’s biggest stage of the year. Even now, it’s one of my all time favorite matches. Wow, you were intimidated by me because before me, you’d never faced an opponent of my caliber…”

“Spot on…” Luciana said shamelessly. “...that’s probably why Jayson crashed your autograph session…”

“You heard about that and how he tried to run me down and tell me I didn’t have what it took to be the SCW Bombshells World Champion, huh?”

Luciana rolls her eyes.

“Hell with him! He’s full of shit! I don’t give a fuck if he was my mentor and trainer or that we have a history. Contrary to what he tried to do to bring you down, I DO believe in you…”

Suddenly, my heart felt lighter hearing that from my former arch nemesis.

“...when I heard that you were bringing the Rebellious Vixen back I was THRILLED for you because that is who you are, Myra. THAT is what is going to make you the SCW Bombshells World Champion. Screw your age and your shortcomings against Amber, you ARE it! You are EVERYTHING this business should be all about. You didn’t beat Amber, but TWICE you were her toughest challenge. Roxi and Crystal didn’t compare to that at High Stakes. You have become quite the class act in this business. SCW’s Bombshells division is BETTER with you around. Sure, like Roxi and Crystal, you badly want that world title. But the difference between you and them is that you’re handling things with class and you’re confident in yourself enough to be patient and work for another opportunity knowing it’s coming and those two bitches?”

Luciana scoffs and rolls her eyes with disgust.

“Acting like children, both of them. Fucking idiot tryhards… and that explanation Roxi gave you tonight was full of shit too! Honest to god, if you hadn’t just gotten your legs back being the Rebellious Vixen again, you would’ve beaten her and not tied with her…”

“Thanks…” I said with a laugh.

“I may have envied you then, but I certainly don’t envy you know being in probably the toughest division in the business honestly. It’s cutthroat. I’ve seen it! Even someone like Jessie tried to get to you and you still shrugged her off. Amber said the nastiest shit about you and yet, you’re still here. I don’t give a crap what someone like Amber and Jessie have to say about you. I don’t fucking care about Roxi or Crystal and how they act. I don’t care if they want to act like they’re superior to you. I don’t fucking give a shit if they want to hog the spotlight and make it all about them and their selfish bullshit acting as if they define the whole division. They can say what they want, but you and I both know you ARE enough to be the Bombshells World Champion… MORE than enough. You’ve been through so much shit, so much of it because of me, but you’re a survivor, Myra. You managed to endure Amber as well as you did because your career survived worse: ME!”

Luciana still wore that regret on her face as I processed the fact that the woman that had bullied me more than anyone I ever met in my career was supporting me and giving me encouragement. In my heart, I knew she was truly sorry.

“Luciana, I forgive you…” I said, feeling instantaneous warmth in my heart for not carrying any more grudges or ill will toward her. “It wasn’t right, what you did to me. When I first went to PRW, I was looking forward to meeting you. I didn’t go into PRW wanting a rivalry with you at all. I always looked at it as… you know… you and I being equals. I mean think about it. In 2009? Women in this business weren’t as prominent as they are right now. The way I saw it, we were two of the best women’s wrestlers. I always thought that as FRIENDS, not rivals, we would elevate women’s wrestling TOGETHER.”

“...in a way we did… just… as a rivalry and not a friendship…”

“But it’s the friendship I wanted when we first met…” I said with some slight regret that it never happened. “...I wanted us to be friends…”

“Who says it’s too late?” Luciana began to reach into her bag. “Here…”

I was in for another surprise when she handed me a framed program from our match in Atlanta that had her signature on it.

“I want Kimberly to have that…” she said to my delighted shock. I happily accepted the gift from her as she pulled out a replica of the PRW World Championship we fought over so many times as well as a silver pen. “...can you sign this for my daughter? Ironically, she’s such a huge fan of yours…”

I smiled as I took the pen from my former arch rival. I wasted no time signing it with the caption “Be who you are, not what someone else wants you to be! XOXO!” Luciana smiled at this as she put the replica title back in her bag. Suddenly, she embraced me. This caught me off guard but I embraced her back to go along with it.

“I’m so glad that I came to talk to you…” Luciana said.

“I wasn’t expecting it nor asking for it, but I’m glad you did too. Hearing those things that you said… coming from you… it meant so much to me more than you could ever really know. You were my worst critic in my career and hell, the biggest obstacle of my career. You caused me so much harm and dragged me through the dirt over and over again. To know that even YOU believe in me… I never knew how much that would encourage me…”

“I was always wrong about you, Myra. You know who you are. Don’t let ANYONE of those bitches: Amber, Andrea, Jessie… and especially Crystal and Roxi… define who you are. You stopped letting me define you and I’m glad you did. Keep proving them wrong, fighting that fight, progressing toward your destiny and don’t let ANYONE tell you that you can’t do it, that you’ll never be enough and so on and so forth.”

“Thanks Luciana…” I said with a smile as I broke our embrace. We said our goodbyes and Luciana was gone from my hotel room. I spent a few moments soaking in the conversation that just happened. I had never felt so happy and accepted in my entire career. My biggest rival and worst enemy came around on me and admitted she was wrong. Stunned as I was by it, I got a stark reminder of another worst enemy when I grabbed my purse and saw the letter my father wrote to me 12 years ago that I still had yet to read.

“I should read that…” I admitted. “...there is no way he can hurt me anymore knowing how strong I’ve become…”

My train of thought was broken by an alarm reminder on my phone that my date with Jasper was in 10 minutes.

“Oh shit! I better get going on that date now…” I said with a light chuckle as I left my hotel room.

Needless to say that going into that date, I was feeling as happy with myself as I had ever been. With my former arch nemesis coming around and being in my corner now, I know my future is incredibly bright!

COURTESY: YOUTUBE

REC Date: 12/8/21

UPLOAD Date: 12/10/21

For the first time since my 18th birthday, I was in my father’s old mansion. It was surreal recording this video inside of my former bedroom and I was definitely feeling a haunting presence knowing this mansion hadn’t been occupied since my father’s suicide in 2009. I had some portable lighting to make up for no electricity in the house. I took a moment to look around the room and relive some memories growing up in here, some good, some bad. I remembered my father and how he doubted me so much and all the times he broke my heart and made me cry. Through all of this, I had that unopened letter of his that Adrianna gave me after I beat Jessie Salco in the Chamber of Extreme match.

“I’m ready…” I said to myself as I took a deep breath and began to express my thoughts.

“This is where it began for me, right here. In this very room that I grew up in, I dreamed of becoming a professional wrestler virtually every night of my childhood. This is the room I would hide from my father when things would get extremely bad between him and I and this would be the room where he’d always barge in and tell me that I’m a waste of space, would never amount to anything and would be a huge failure in professional wrestling. My dreams were born IN this room and it’s only fitting that I come back here one more time to remember where I started and to remember the first doubter and critic that I ever had in my father… who by the way, was far and away the harshest critic I ever met. I got this note from him from 12 years ago that I am about to read. I have no idea what it’s going to say… but I’m going to read it right here in front of you all.”

I could feel a nervous pit in my stomach when I opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. I took another deep breath as I began to read it aloud.

“Miranda. When you left this house, I told you that you weren’t going to last a month in professional wrestling. I was wrong…”

I raised my eyebrows in shock.

“...excuse me?” I shook off the shock and kept reading. “I heard that you just won your second world championship and that you are one of the best wrestlers in the world. Right now, I feel like the biggest moron in the world for never believing in you. For that, I am sorry. I regret what I missed out on. All these years thinking that I had a ‘burden’ that your mother left behind and instead, what I wound up with was a strong, passionate, incredible woman that I stupidly dismissed when I should have commended her for being the best daughter a father can ask for. I made mistakes with my life. The biggest mistake was never getting to bond with you and get to know you. I was abusive and harsh toward you… and all you’ve done is shut me up and prove me wrong. I am proud of you for being a strong person. You are going to continue to be a great wrestler… and even more importantly, you are going to continue being one hell of a woman. I’m sure someday, you’re going to be the best mother in the world yourself. I was wrong about you.

For that I am sorry. One last piece of advice:

Don’t be like me.

You’ve got too good of a heart and you love what you do so much to fall into the same self-destructive hell that I did. You may not believe this, but I love you.

And I wish you the best.

Your Father.”

My hands were so numb that I dropped the letter on the floor.

“He doubted me… the worst critic I will ever have in my life… and he doubted me.”

It was tempting to cry tears of joy, but knowing that I had to be tough for the promo I was about to cut prevented me from doing so.

“His doubt fueled me to prove him wrong and realize my dreams of becoming a professional wrestler and for attaining the success that I’ve had throughout my career. It was BECAUSE of him that I grew SO REBELLIOUS against ANY and ALL doubt that has come my way and the fact that I even made HIM come around… that shows you how STRONG I am. Char Kwan, and this goes for everyone else in that locker room, there is NOTHING you can say to me that is going to bring me down. There is nothing that you can do to me that is going to break me. In the last few months, I have endured and overcome the WORST hell, physically and psychologically, that ANYONE is going to put me through in SCW in the form of Violent Conduct. My arch nemesis from years ago, who put me through my worst WRESTLING HELL, apologized to me and encouraged me to keep chasing that world title. Now? The one person that put me through the worst hell of my LIFE… WOW! GOD, I am just SO motivated to get in there on Sunday and CONTINUE my journey toward what I KNOW in my heart is my destiny in the Bombshells World Championship and Char, I am not going to doubt you for a second. I know you are going to go in there, give me your best and you’re going to try to put a damper on me and try to prove that the Rebellious Vixen is nothing more than a bunch of bullshit! But, here’s a spoiler alert for you Char. You’re not going to do that. I have become TOO STRONG to be brought down by anything you’ve got to say.

You’re a good talent… but one that has never put it to good use. You spend your whole entire time here being bitter and angry about any little thing under the sun. You waste everyone’s time with these petty grudges against whomever you feel like you want to have a grudge against. You walk around here having NO PASSION for this business whatsoever. I look at what YOU are in the ring and what I see is someone that doesn’t wrestle for the love of this business, but someone that wrestles to soothe her own ego no matter how many times it gets put in its place over and over again. I already know that for the most part, when you face me, you are going to be more focused on other things. You’ve definitely got Tempest on the brain considering the events of Halloween, there is no doubt about that. And the last time you came out on camera and cut a promo you were talking about how you wanted another shot at Krystal Wolfe and how you weren’t done with her yet even though she CLEARLY beat you at High Stakes, barely breaking a sweat at that. This match for you isn’t going tobe about beating me and proving that you’ve got what it takes to be at the next level. No, you’re going to go into our match this Sunday seeing me as a ‘message’ that you want to send to Krystal or Tempest. There was no ‘luck’ involved with Krystal beating you. She’s just THAT much better than you, let’s get the facts straight. A couple of weeks ago, you have an opportunity to go out there and prove that you deserve a rematch against Krystal… and you blew that too by losing to Candy… the same Candy that YOU wrote off as a ‘non factor’ on the roster.

Are you going to consider me a non-factor too, Char? Are you going to continue this stubborn charade of being Roxi Lite with constantly clamoring for another title shot and thinking that beating me is going to be your golden ticket to that? If you want to write me off as a non-factor, Char, go ahead and do that. But I promise you, that is going to be a mistake that you are going to regret when I am done with you. You see Char, I am a woman on a mission… well THREE actually. Mission one is rediscovering who the hell the Rebellious Vixen is all about and I know I am not bullshitting when I say so far so good. I ended Jessie’s Chamber of Extreme streak at High Stakes and literally TWO WEEKS LATER, Char, against ALL odds, when I am possibly not even one hundred percent, I go up against Roxi Johnson in a match that most people wrote me off going in. I face the odds, particularly with people already thinking that Roxi was going to beat me and stake her claim to another title shot at my expense. Did that happen? NO! It didn’t Roxi didn’t beat me. Granted, the competitor in me wanted to win, but the fact that I can turn things around and make THAT much progress already and the fact that I can overcome THOSE kinds of tremendous odds SHOWS YOU how strong I really am when I, as the Rebellious Vixen, am at my best. Unlike YOU when you just sat back and allowed Candy to make an example out of you in her return, I made something out of some strong adversity that I had endured recently. Hell, the thing that is sad about you is that you are so stubborn, especially in defeat, about ever adapting or evolving that you have stagnated and ended up being the same old shit match after match. You’re a dragon that has gone so long without evolving, they’ve written samurai tales about you from 1500 years ago.

Sorry, bad pun… but STILL…

I know who I really am in this business. You? Not even close. Char, you aren’t even one-fifths of the way there of finding your identity in this business and you can say all you want about how you “know” what it is, but you don’t. If you DID know who you are in this business, you wouldn’t be going out there losing matches to Candy. You would’ve beaten her and prior to that, you would’ve capitalized on an opportunity that most Bombshells can say they deserved way more than you did. But you didn’t. You’re stuck in your own ego, running around in circles, refusing to figure out who you really are because you carry the attitude that you’ve got it made no matter how many times another Bombshell exposes you in that ring.

Mission two? PROVING that I still belong in the world championship conversation! I don’t need to do it by making a weekly plea and saying I’m ‘content but not satisfied’, I only need to do it by getting in that ring and getting the job done. Ending Jessie’s Chamber streak at HIGH STAKES, in MADISON SQUARE GARDEN proves that. DRAWING with one thirds of the main event of that show against ALL odds proves that. Beating you? You can argue that it wouldn’t be as significant as what I just mentioned, but that’s still progress toward my ultimate goal. I get that some people want to say ‘Amber beat you twice’ acting as if it was a blowout both times, but you know what? So be it. People that say that are people I have nothing to prove to. You want another shot at Krystal? PROVE that you deserve it. I have a hunch that you won’t anytime soon. This Sunday, you’re a chapter in the book, Char. I get to go in there and further prove not just that I am a born winner, but also that I’m one of the best in this division. I get to go in that ring and make my case the right way. I get to further rebel against the doubters in that locker room that say that I don’t have what it takes or that I don’t deserve it and that leads me to mission number three… a mission that you have HARDLY ever accomplished in your own right if you have ever accomplished it at all.

That mission?

SILENCING THE DOUBTERS!

You’ve got people left and right telling you that you don’t deserve this and that you’re not capable of that and I know deep down you want to go out there and you want to prove them wrong so bad and yet, virtually every time you wrestle, you just DON’T! I don’t know if this division is too much for you or what is going on, but your record here speaks for itself. I am not going to take five minutes dissecting every single match that you’ve ever wrestled here, but you and I both know that going into Sunday, if there is ANYONE out there that thinks that you have a chance of beating me, there are hardly any. Are you going to step up and DO SOMETHING or are you going to prove your doubters right? I HOPE you step up and do something, even though you may not win in the end and I am going to do whatever it takes to ensure that you don’t. But WILL YOU? Are you going to step up and at least show this division something regardless of what the outcome may be? I hope you do, for your sake Char. Because for me? On Sunday? I get to continue to take that step to silence the doubters in that locker room.

‘You’ve had two chances already…’ they’ll say. My response? So what. I’ll earn a third chance if Amber’s still champion at that point.

‘I deserve it more than you do’ someone might say.

‘You don’t deserve another chance while Amber is still champion because so and so wants a second chance at her and because so and so didn’t get pinned at High Stakes’

‘You’ve already proven you’re not world title material…’

And so on and so forth with what some of them want to say backstage or on their little message boards or what some of my old wrestling enemies may have to say coming out of the woodwork just to trash me. In my heart, SOMEDAY, I AM going to find a way to PERMANENTLY silence that talk. That’s part of what drives me, Char: silencing the critics and proving I deserve to be in the upper echelon of this division and showing that I WILL be SCW Bombshells World Champion some day.

Amber? Crystal? Roxi? I don’t give a FUCK about what they think about that!

And that goes for anyone else out there that has ever doubted me and said that I don’t have what it takes.

I DO have what it takes and I WILL continue to prove that on Sunday when I defeat you and make that message clearer to anyone that thinks I don’t deserve to be in the conversation. This Sunday, I will further and be successful at all three missions that I just mentioned. It’s nothing personal against you, Char. But I’m on a journey that’s going to take me to that destiny and that destiny WILL be the SCW Bombshells World Championship, mark my fucking words on that. You want to join that doubter’s bandwagon? Go right ahead. But at the end of the day, when Sunday comes around, you are NOT going to stand in my way of my ultimate goal! This REBELLIOUS journey of mine is going to take a positive step forward toward that and if you don’t think I can be at that level… if you are one of those doubters that doesn’t think I deserve to be in that conversation… then not only are you doing nothing but fuel and motivate me, you are setting yourself up to be silenced just like any and all doubters I’ve ever come across!

I’ve only begun to be at my very best, Char Kwan. And come Sunday? You’re going to be another slain dragon. If the biggest dragon of my life came around after how he tormented me during my childhood, then I KNOW I am capable of anything!”

I took one last look at the letter my father wrote me. Expressing it, I began to read it one last time to myself as the YouTube feed cut.