Session Eight: The First taste of true freedom
”Interesting picture”
Alicia stepped around her Doctors office, studying everything as she moved. She had been in this office many times over the last few months but this was the first time she really noticed things. Looking closer at the various books, pictures, diploma and memorabilia that littered the walls and shelves. Her eyes stopped and fixated on one picture in particular. It looked like it was from the early to mid-70’s. A group of young people stood around each other and in the center was someone who looked an awful lot like Dr Whitlow. Alot younger, longer hair and a smile on her face as she stood with the others.
Alicia smiled and turned as Whitlow looked up, her eyes shining from behind her black rimmed glasses, her hand twirling a pen around as her other hand came up to removed her glasses. ”My sophomore year of college. The first time I really felt on my own. My freshman year was spent still living with my parents, but I changed schools, went halfway across the country.” Dr Whitlow poshed on the arms of the chair and got to her feet moving over to Alicia standing next to her, folding her arms over her chest. ”I needed it, to feel free.”
Alicia scoffed, her eyes darting away as she turned and moved back towards the couch. Dr Whitlow raised an eyebrow, sliding her glasses back on as she moved back to her chair, picking up her pad, her pen and taking a seat.
Alicia sat down on the end of the couch and clasped her hands together. ”And what about you? When was the first time you felt that kind of freedom?”
She pushed her lips together, sliding back on the couch and laying back before interlacing her fingers. ”Japan”
She could hear it, the noise of the crowd. It was ringing in her ears. A crowd that started off so silent and respectful, with a small round of applause here and there, it slowly started to rise with each move, each moment. And then they had them in the palm of their hands. Alicia had her hand raised at the end, and a new star had been born. The months of hard work and training, the months of sleeping on the dojo floor and cleaning. It paid off in that one beautiful moment.
But now what? She was covered in sweat, her hands shaking as she realised she was still amped up and excited.
Alicia sat back, her body leaning against the cold brick wall in the women's locker room. She was the first match out, her first match. It had gone so fast, but it gave her a feeling she had never experienced before. A real accomplishment, a real future. And the rest of the night went fast as well, she watched from behind the curtain as a fan and as a student, the smile never left. And as the show ended, the fans filed out of the small but respectable arena, the students walked out to clean and take down the ring.
Tradition, honor, respect. Structure. This is what Alicia needed in her life.
When it was all done she picked up her bag moving towards the door, the other students all laughed and high fived each other. One of them stopped, turning to see Alicia by herself. He moved over to her, his long black hair tied back in a high bun, he was about six foot tall, muscular but also trim, he smiled and gave her a nod. ”Hey Blondie, you comin?” His english was great, almost too good. Alicia blinked a few times, looking around to make sure it was her he was talking to.
”Uh...where?” She laughed nervously.
He looked at the group and folded his arms over his chest, his name was Takeshi, he was one of the more advanced students. A young boy who was getting ready to go on an excursion to Alicia’s homeland. ”After a show, when we’re done with cleaning up we go out...celebrate. It’s a tradition.” There was that word again. Something she heard so much. Something that had been drilled into all of them.
But Alicia wasn’t a part of that. Her very existence, her look, her attitude, where she came from all flew in the face of these traditions. “I mean..sure...but I’m not 21 yet...”
The other students who stood behind him all laughed to themselves. Takeshi turned and looked at them with a shake of his head before holding out his hand. ”Legal age is 20 blondie. Come on...we don’t bite.” She took a deep breath and smiled. Almost ashamed for a moment, her first instinct was to stay in, to go back to the dojo, lay down and go to bed. Her second was even worse.
She wanted to call her mother and ask her permission.
Here she was, twenty years old, a year after running from her life, the horrible situation she had found herself in. Living in a different country half way across the world.. And she still wanted to call her mother and ask permission to do something.
How fucking pathetic
”I’m in..” She smiled and took his hand. The rest of the night was a blur, music, drinks, dancing. She felt happy, she felt alive. She felt free It was the one thing she hadn’t been able to escape since coming to Japan. The feeling of suffocation. The feeling of always being looked over and looked down upon. But that seemed to change.
In one night, some alcohol and a confidence boost, she felt the shackled unclip and felt like she could do anything. Be anyone. Takeshi looked her up and down with a smirk. ”Hey Blondie...what’s your real name?”
She stopped dancing, taking down a shot of whisky. ”...Alicia…”
”A new name...for a new life?”
She gave a nod opening her eyes with a smile before groaning as she sat up. ”Yeah, it felt right. That night, the last piece of who I was got put away. I had been told how to think, how to walk, talk and feel for so long.” She shrugged before getting to her feet moving back over to the picture of the Doctor when she was younger with a sigh.
Dr Whitlow tilted her head to the side. ”And this moment was your first step?”
Alicia didn’t answer immediately. She reached out taking the picture in her hand looking over the frame and at every single youthful face, every single moment in the single picture that was njow frozen in time, before seeing her own reflection in the glass, setting the picture back down. ”First steps….yeah. But….funny trying when you have been held down, and back for so long…” She turns and shakes her head. ”You go to far…”
Her voice fades away. Alicia knew what happened...but wasn’t ready to speak about it….
The old enemy
”Same song and dance eh?. Same moments, same things being said. Same opponents.”
Her hands clasped together, her red painted fingernails hitting a certain angle where the light from above gave them a certain shine.
”The wrestling world works in cycles. People rise, people fall. Some of it is like clockwork. Take me for instance. I go on rants out of anger when it comes to the Bombshells division, then names rise up to my words, they become stars and show how good they can be. Then, they fall, unable to show the consistency and fire needed to stay at the top of the division for as long as I did. I step back for all of you people to have others to believe in and the thanks I get for it, is mediocrity.”
“But, then I smile, I grit my teeth, I put up with it and show certain names respect and gratitude.”
“Only for it to happen all over again. As I said, like clockwork. And despite what all of you believe I have done more for the bombshells division than anybody. I have sacrificed so much for the good of the division and the people in it. Everything I did, everything was for the betterment of the company and those in it.”
“Now, it’s time to break that cycle.”
“I’m not going to do things like, step back from title opportunities, or rematches, to make you all feel better about yourselves. I’m not going to smile and give you a happy little thumbs up and tell you, win or lose, that you did a great job. Nah, mama Alicia has closed for business. Now, I’m out for blood, I’m out for myself. And I know some of you, like perhaps, Roxi, Andrea, Keira, I know you’ll be sitting there saying that’s what I was like from day one right? That nothing will change?”
Alicia laughs to herself and shakes her head.
”When Keira “beat” me for the title, I sat back, I refused a rematch, I refused to even go near the title because I wanted others to have the spotlight, look how that turned out. Look at the road the title went down. It has only now become relevant again with Amber Ryan as the champion, Amber being the only one out of all of you that is worth a damn. Meanwhile I went about my work, beating Maki, Mercedes, anyone else that was in my goddamn way, and then I got put in the Queen for a day match, I beat three other women for the right to make the matches I wanted.”
“I gave myself an opportunity at the championship. Like any of you would have. Because I earned it. For everything I did for the division, everything I did for all of you I wanted that match. And it was never ever just about the title it was also because I wanted Amber Ryan one on one. I wanted that match. I needed that match.”
“But even then, even as I earned the right to make my own opportunities, after spending months sitting back and waiting, it was still met with the usual whining voices of the masses. I could handle that though. I could handle the jealous whining, I could handle losing to someone like Amber Ryan, in fact I congratulated her. But what I couldn’t handle or abide by, is the second “loss” to Keira Fisher-Johnson.”
Alicia sneers, her nostrils flare and she folds her arms over her chest closing off her body language.
”The first one, she was amazing that night, it happened, the second though? I should have won that match, I should have beaten her easily and walked away with another win under my belt, but forever in the record books it will say she beat me, forever it will have me as a loser against her. When it shouldn't have happened. So I lost it a little and instead of getting understanding, compassion and respect. I got attacked. I got attacked by Keira and others. And when I confronted them, both Keira and Jessie Salco bitched out of matches
“Keira said she would never face me again, Jessie wanted to but the second I raised the stakes she said no and ran.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“So, SCW, in their infinite wisdom, decided that I would be facing an old enemy on Climax Control. Someone who I know better than most because we have faced each other so much over the last three years or so. Seleana Zdunich, everyone’s favourite little engine that could. And do we remember what I said about breaking cycles Seleana? Cause I remember once upon a time I told you to break yours. The cycle of bad decisions and being in a horrible relationship. This is what you so Seleana.”
“And my cycle for the longest time, was facing you and being nice to you. Smiling happily and not blaming you for the sins of your idiot wife and her idiot family. I actually felt BAD for you. SORRY for you.”
She rolls her eyes and flutters her hand up letting out a disgusted sigh.
”People would throw insults at you, call you a fake champion, a fraud, a phony and I would defend you. Remind them all it wasn’t your fault, that you were separate from all that and I respected your attitude and your effort. The truth is Zdunich, I had a soft spot for you, right here.”
Alicia puts her hand over her heart before sneering and turning her nose upwards.
”I wanted to see you succeed, I wanted to see you break those shackles and show the world you were more than, what was it you said against Austin and Tempest? “Crystals Swedish Barbie Trophy Wife”. I wanted you to prove that and I would stand there when you did win a big match and have a big moment like the Roulette title win and I would nod, I’d be happy for you, proud of you. But, trying to lift you up and make sure you reached the heights you deserved made me realise that...well..”
“You didn’t deserve it.”
“In my support and fandom of the attitude you had and the can do nature of your personality I stupidly allowed you to think and feel that you were somehow my fucking equal Seleana. That you could be held in the same regard as me, much like Keira thinks she is, much like Dani Weston believed. Much like Evie Jordan and Bobbie Dahl and all the others. You all honestly believe that you are on my level and that is as much my fault for perpetuating the belief as it is yours for foolishly believing it.”
“And for that, I apologise Seleana. I apologise for giving you false hope, a false narrative and for allowing you to feel that way. But don’t worry...I’m about to fix that.”
She smirks and stands up, revealing a shirt with a still on it from Summer Xxxtreme of her breaking Courtney Pierce’s ankle.
”You’re good Seleana, you are, I’m not discounting that. But you should never, ever beat me. You should never even get close. That’s just the nature of this business and for too long I have let people like you get close to people like me. And that needs to stop, I need to pull my boots on, my big girl pants up and be the champion I want to be, not the one everyone thinks I should be. And that is what Courtney Pierce failed to understand.”
“I was having my moment out there in that ring, all my talk of endings and retirements was talk of laying down the Strong style southern belle, the Alicia Lukas who had smiled and helped you all. That Alicia Lukas is dead, buried and retired.”
“I am the fucking Franchise of SCW and the Bombshells division. I am the War goddess….I am the best in the fucking world and when we get in the ring Seleana…”
“I’ll prove it.”
