Valentine’s Day 2016
Obviously not knowing what my future would hold and definitely not knowing that I’d end up in Sin City Wrestling myself, I was in my father’s living room watching Sam Marlowe taking on Mikah for the Bombshells Championship. This match was taking place on this very night and for some reason, even though I was about to be a GCW wrestler at the time, I was just so drawn to this.
“What are you watching?” I heard my then-best friend Chelsea LeClair say as she came up from behind me. I could hear her sigh as she saw that I was watching this match. “You’re way too much into this, Andi.”
“No, I’m just curious as to how this match is going to go. You’ve got Mikah, who has been pretty much a dominant world champion and you’ve got Samantha Marlowe, the plucky underdog that nobody is giving a chance to win because on paper, ‘better wrestlers than her’ couldn’t beat Mikah. There is some serious doubt that she’ll be able to. But, I’m not one of them.”
“That Marlowe girl seems like a skinny little loser while Mikah looks like a Hollywood star! I think it’s pretty obvious who is going to win. I like her. She’s feisty. She’s the kind of bad girl that everyone should strive to be. I don’t know, I think Marlowe is too much of a sweetheart for my liking.”
“And yet…”
I took a pause when I saw that Sam Marlowe had done what many in Sin City Wrestling had considered the impossible at the time and defeated Mikah for her first SCW Bombshells World Championship. I looked over at Chelsea, who had a look of shock on her face.
“...wrestling is not that simple, Chels. You know how people in the Independent scene have ran me down for so long thinking that I don’t have what it takes to be a star in the wrestling business because I’m ‘too nice’ and because I’m ‘too much of a sweetheart’? Yeah, I think that’s an example right there that proves them wrong. Sam is someone that I can relate to because she gives me hope that in this business, I can be successful. I see so much of myself in her and that’s why I think that when I break mainstream, I am going to be successful and even be a world champion at some point. I don’t have to change a damn bit of who I am. I don’t need to be this flashy, arrogant superstar. I just need to be me! I just need to stay who I am. Because seeing Samantha Marlowe, SCW’s sweetheart, win a world title, tells me exactly that…”
“It was a fluke…” I could hear the voice of my father behind me. I wasn’t exactly thrilled that he would say such a thing when he came into my line of vision. “Good for her, but it’s a fluke. You should listen to some of those people saying that, Andrea.”
“What? And suddenly sell myself out? Suddenly, I should get breast implants, die my hair blonde and act like some stupid idiot from California? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No sweetheart, that’s not what I’m saying at all…” my father said to me. “You’ve got it all wrong. What I am saying is, being nice and being a sweetheart is going to make you bait for being taken advantage of. In the wrestling business, girls like Mikah take advantage of girls like you in a heartbeat. You’re easy prey for them. You’ve got to toughen up and grow a spine if you even want to make it in the business at all, let alone have any sort of success. Don’t get inspired by this. It’s false hope. Every dog has their day, as the saying goes. Ultimately? In wrestling? Nice girls finish last. Someday, you’ll get what I mean.”
My father leaves the room at this point and leaves me feeling pretty seethed.
“I hate him so much sometimes…” I admitted to Chelsea.
“I don’t think he’s necessarily wrong…” Chelsea stated. “You can be too nice sometimes.”
“Whatever. He IS wrong… and I’m just going to leave it at that…”
I moved along with my life, but in retrospect, as much as I hate to admit it, my father ended up being right. Being a carbon copy of Sam Marlowe when I first broke into the mainstream business DID get me taken advantage of. Myra Rivers, of course, was the first person to do that and things just snowballed to hell from there. By the time I got to Sin City Wrestling, I was still that ‘nice girl’, though she was already becoming jaded by the business due to experiences in places like GCW, OCW, and UWA. But last summer is what truly broke me. Last summer and all the hell that I went through would ultimately lead me down the path that I am now, where I realized that nice girls really do finish last.
Losing the Bombshells World title was the start of that, but even through that and my father’s death, I still held on to hope.
But when I got off the cruise last year?
That hope was beginning to fade…
Last summer…. (right after Summer XXXtreme 2020)...
Heartbreak. Embarrassment. Confusion. Those were the three emotions I was feeling more than anything when I came off the cruise ship after last year’s Summer XXXtreme event. I had gone into it with a flood of emotions. I had wanted to avenge my father’s death and make him proud. I had wanted to silence Evie Jordan and prove her wrong. I failed in all of these objectives and as I walked toward the harbor where my mother and my brother Eddie were waiting, I was completely numb as I was trying to do everything that I could to block those three emotions from sweeping me. I walked toward them, feeling nothing and paying attention to nothing around me. A consoling hug from each of them wasn’t going to snap me out of this at all.
“Andrea, I’m so sorry…” my mother said to me. She saw the empty look in my eyes and that absolutely drew a look of concern out of her. “...are you okay?”
“That’s not the question that I want to hear right now.”
“Andrea, it’s going to be alright…” Eddie said, trying to reassure me. “It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact that you were the world champion in the first place. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still one of the best women on the roster. Dad would’ve been so proud of you for everything you put into that…”
“No he wouldn’t…” I muttered under my breath.
“The car is waiting and…” Eddie stopped when he noticed the same thing that my mother already had. “...it can wait. Let it out, Andrea.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve never seen you this shaken up after losing a match and it’s worrying us…” my mother told me.
“You really want to know what I am feeling right now?” I asked them, surprised that I was even able to get those words out. “No really, do you want to know what I am feeling?”
“You know that bottling them up isn’t going to do you any good.”
“You don’t REALLY want to know…” I warned them.
“You’re not thinking about quitting are you?” my brother asked me.
“No… I’m not…” I said, much to their relief. Granted, I hadn’t hit true rock bottom yet and wouldn’t get to that point until a few weeks later with a certain battle royal. “But… Eddie… everything that you just said… it went in one ear and out the other. I don’t feel like I’m one of the best women on the roster. Dad wouldn’t have been proud of me. He would’ve been ashamed of me. The truth is? As far as Sin City Wrestling goes? As far as being world champion goes? I’m a flash in the pan…”
This caused Eddie to widen his eyes with shock.
“...I’m never going to be world champion again…”
“Honey, don’t say that…” my mother pleaded.
“It was all just a fluke…” said out loud. “I was never the SCW Bombshells World Champion because I was good enough for it. I was only SCW Bombshells World Champion because I was lucky. My dad once told me that nice girls finish last in professional wrestling and the match that I just had proves that. It’s the mean, evil, one-dimensional bullies that get ahead of everyone else. It’s people like Alicia Lukas who bully other people on social media and during their promos talking down to everyone else as if they were some giant piece of trash and mocking their misfortunes that get ahead in this business. It’s people like Evie Jordan that slander, lie and make up nonsense about you and that fill your head with nonsense and make it seem like you’re some nobody fairy tale that get ahead. It’s girls like that, that will always be one step ahead of everyone else. I don’t belong in the world title picture. I’m a fluke. I’m a flash in the pan. I’m nobody… Evie and Alicia are right… I am nobody…”
There was some awkward tension in the air. My mother seemed heartbroken that I would just put myself down that way and more confused than anything really. My brother on the other hand, who knew a little more about the wrestling business, was still trying to get through to me.
“Why are you listening to them, Andrea?” he asked me.
“Because they’re right…”
“No they’re not! I understand that you’re heartbroken right now…”
“YOU’RE RIGHT! I AM!” I suddenly blurted out. “I can’t even LOOK at you two right now knowing that I completely let you down. I wanted to bring that title back to our family after Dad died and I FAILED! I FAILED this family! I can’t go back to Chelsea with my head up high and look at her because I let HER down! I can’t even face Clarissa at all because I let HER down too! I had ALL of that pressure on me! I was the one that had to bring this family together and I didn’t! I was the one that had to make things right with the Bombshells title and that division and prove that I wasn’t a fluke and I completely failed in all of it! I put all of my heart and soul into that match despite the circumstances against two of the most shallow, one-dimensional, horrible people I’ve ever met in my career… so fucking horrible that they ALMOST put Myra to shame… in a match that I had to win… that I was DESTINED to win… that for the sake of everything right with the world, I was supposed to win… and I DIDN’T! I got pinned by Evie. AGAIN! This isn’t FAIR! NONE OF THIS IS FAIR!!!!!”
“Mom… I’ve got this, alright?” Eddie said to her as she nodded with a look of concern on her face. She turned and walked back to the car.
“I know it doesn’t feel fair, sis…”
“It’s NOT fair! How can all of this happen to me?” I said as the tears started falling. I was extremely shattered and broken at this point “I do EVERYTHING right, I do ALL the right things, I act like the best role model I can be, I stand up for this family, and I get the short end of the stick? I did everything the way Dad trained me and brought me up in this business and it’s not good enough? What else am I supposed to feel besides the fact that it was all a fairy tale fluke?”
“I get it! Life, unfortunately, doesn’t work out the way we want it to right now. Sis, come on! Don’t cry so much! You can’t let someone like Evie get to you like that! You can’t let her win! You can’t let her break you like this…”
“You’re too late…” I said, much to my brother’s surprise.
“What do you mean?”
“Evie broke me…” I said, as the tears started to fall harder and faster. “I hate to admit that, but that’s exactly what she did. Everything from the beginning… from when she ran me down, from when she said all of those horrible, empty things to me, from when she kept saying I was a fluke, from when she kept calling me all those names, from all of that nonsense… she broke me! She probably broke me before we even had our first match…”
“How can you let someone like that break you? You’re so much stronger than that. I don’t get how someone like that can get to you so easily.”
“She beat me the first time and it felt like she was right about everything she said about me and just going through that was hard enough. But then Dad died, she STILL kept burying me in the fucking ground, and she kept piling on and piling on… and then she pinned me again… I can never overcome this. She beats me the first time and I begin to wonder if she was right… but now after this second time? I KNOW she’s right! All those empty things she said about me were true…”
My brother is left even more stunned in silence. He doesn’t even know what to say to me anymore considering the fact that he’s never seen me like this.
“The dream is dead…”
“No it isn’t…”
“How would I ever be considered for a world title shot ever again? I’m going to start declining and everything’s just going to get worse now. All those stupid bitches in the locker room are just going to laugh at me and remind me of Evie and throw her in my face over and over again just to mock me and drive me mad because that’s what they do. It doesn’t make an iota of sense why someone like me has to suffer so damn much and be such a massive failure. I guess someone like me with a small town, humble background will never be successful in wrestling. I guess someone like me that’s a total sweetheart and tries to respect everything about this business will always be a pushover to girls like Alicia and Evie. I didn’t believe Dad when he told me that nice girls finish last, but he’s right. I think about other people… like Sam Marlowe… and how her career has hit the skids lately… and I’m beginning to realize that’s going to be me now…”
Eddie sighs at this point, showing some frustration.
“It’s going to be…”
“Can we just GO already?” I blurted out, catching him by surprise again. “I can’t stand being here. I can’t stand being around that fucking cruise ship anymore. I just want to forget that it ever happened and I just want to move on. I don’t even know what I am in this business anymore nor what I am even supposed to be…”
“Andrea, it’s a fresh wound. You’re emotional right now. You’re not thinking straight. We’re going to leave right now, but don’t worry. Everything…”
“Please save the ‘everything’s going to be alright’ speech, okay?”
“Fine! Let’s get going. We’ve got a flight back home to catch in a couple of hours. I’m not going to tell you that everything’s going to be alright. But what I am going to assure you is that there’s virtually no way it can get worse than this. You’re much too strong to completely collapse from all this. Give it time and I think you’ll start to see things a little clearer.”
“Yeah. Whatever.” I said as my brother began to turn and walk toward the car.
I followed him and right as the conversation ended, my emotions completely died down. When I got in the car, I went back to being numb. I did not say a word during the drive to the airport. I did not say a word on the plane. I did not say a word on the drive back home. The recurring thought that was processing through my head was ‘nice girls finish last’ again and again and again. I didn’t realize that a downward spiral was already underway. I didn’t realize that my brother would be wrong when he said ‘it can’t get any worse’. I didn’t realize that when I DID hit rock bottom and when I DID hit my breaking point that I gave up EVERY shred and EVERY ounce of desire to ever want to be the sweetheart that my father had raised me to be.
Being on that cruise ship was incredibly painful last year. But this year? It was a completely different vibe…
June 14th, 2021
It was the anniversary of my father’s death, but when I was with Angelica Romero, my media correspondent, that was absolutely the last thing that was on my mind. I was feeling incredibly happy because I was coming off the battle royal victory with Senor Vinnie’s nonsense. We had a brief conversation over coffee as Angelica broke the ice.
“So about that anniversary…”
“I’m not even giving it a thought, to be honest” I admitted without shame. “But I’ll tell you something that I DO want to talk about and that’s the match I won last night. I hated being Vinnie’s valet, but I’m not harping on it. I DID though, win the battle royal and that WAS one hell of a feeling! If there was ONE thing that I could’ve changed about it at all is that it would’ve been great had I eliminated Mercedes Vargas. STILL, the fact that I won that battle royal really gets THAT monkey off of my back…”
“You’ve been doing so much of that lately, haven’t you?” Angelica asked, bringing a smirk to my face.
“What do you mean?”
“Last year at Into the Void, you lost the Bombshells World Championship and that was hard on you. However, at Into the Void this year, you went in and you defeated Sam Marlowe. I know that’s not quite the same as a world title match, but at least it erased any bitter feelings you would have toward the event.”
“I’m not going to lie to you. Getting that monkey off my back felt great. I’m going to let you in on a little secret though, Angie. I didn’t feel like I was beating Sam Marlowe. I felt like I was beating the old Andrea. That whole chloroform thing against Sam wasn’t even anything personal. But DAMN, choking her out with it felt like I was choking out my weaker, dumber, nicer self. Maybe I didn’t fully get rid of the bitterness of losing the world title at the same event last year, but what I DID get rid of was the weakling that choked in that match. At least, that’s how I feel about it.”
“You defeated Sam again in the battle royal too!” Angelica reminded me.
“You’re right. I did. At least with that, even though it wasn’t my primary focus, it at least washed away the stench of my rock bottom in Sin City Wrestling with that last battle royal I was in…”
I shrugged this off, showing that I wasn’t harping on that too much.
“You’ve got another monkey coming up in Summer XXXtreme. You and I both know that it was a harrowing, devastating experience for you last year…”
“It’ll be alright. Right now, I don’t even have a scheduled match for it. I might. But one way or another, I plan on having fun. Seriously. I went on that cruise ship last year a complete wreck and completely stressed out like hell over stuff that was pathetically stupid like my dad’s death, trying to avenge that, trying to make my family proud of me and all of that blah nonsense. If I have a match, yeah I’m going to win that match, you know that for a fact. But if I don’t have a match, then hey! I get to party and have fun and that’s good enough for me. I’ve changed and grown a LOT since last year. I’m not that idiot that walked onto that cruise ship a crying mess. One way or another, I get to have my fun…”
“Would you face Sam again?”
“HA! Of course! Torturing her is just too much fun! Anyway, I think we can cut the camera now. The bottom line is that I feel so much stronger now. I sure as hell don’t miss the old Andrea and I never will. Any fans holding out hope that the ‘nice girl’ will ever come back can stop holding their breath and hoping and praying that she comes back… because she never will. They can all go worship Sweetheart Samantha for all I care!”
I rolled my eyes and scoffed at this. Still, I had myself in reflection mode again. Summer XXXtreme last year was brutal on me and it was without question, one of the last fun experiences of my career. I wasn’t worrying so much about that though. Basking in the glow of the battle royal victory that I had before, I was feeling like my future was as bright as ever. There was no worrying about Evie, Alicia, last year’s cruise, the summer of hell or none of that.
As Summer XXXtreme grew closer, I was feeling nothing but the brightest optimism about my career that I ever felt.
July 8th, 2021
Everything was completely packed for the cruise this year and unlike last year, I wasn’t having any jitters and I wasn’t worried about what could go wrong. I was thinking about my match with Sam Marlowe for a bit, but not too extensively as I was raring to finish whatever business that I had left with her. I noticed that there was a picture of me nearby on a desk and when I went to look at it, it was a picture of me just before I went on the cruise last year. I promptly threw it down on the floor, breaking the frame upon impact.
“Thank god I am NOT that person anymore…” I reminded myself.
“All packed and ready to go?” I heard the voice of Clarissa Vega say behind me. I turned around and she was there but unlike the last conversation we had, there was absolutely no tension whatsoever.
“Yeah. I’m good. It’s a shame you didn’t want to go with me but I understand. You have to take care of your own business. It’s going to be a while before we get to see each other again.”
“There is something that I wanted to talk to you about…” Clarissa said to me. This made me a little bit nervous considering that the last time we had such an extensive conversation, she was ready to walk out of my life for good.
“Remember that conversation that we had a month ago where you promised that you’d stop complaining about certain things?”
“Yeah, I did. I admit that I was in a dark place for a while with my inability to get over these certain things but I’ve done my best to not mention them. You heard what I said going into the battle royal. I didn’t mention that other battle royal from last year ONCE in the context of whining about it and saying that I had to avenge that, because I had nothing to avenge. Damn, if only I had that same perspective going into that cruise last year…”
I sighed, regretting that I was that damn fragile.
“I just wanted to tell you that I am very proud of you for how you’ve handled yourself. You’re definitely getting stronger and better. You’re starting to learn how to leave the past alone. You’ve kept your promises. You haven’t whined about losing the world title. You haven’t whined about being overlooked. You haven’t complained about what’s going on with other people. You are focusing plainly on you and that’s the way it should be. I look at you and I am seeing a confident woman… one that was FAR more confident in herself than she was last year when she went on that cruise. You’re growing, Andrea. I’m very happy to see that.”
Clarissa’s compliments did nothing but bring a smile to my face.
“A lot has changed in a year. Hell, I have. Last year, going into Summer XXXtreme, I was a wreck. I had no confidence in myself. I was pretty certain going in that I was going to lose. I had all of these things weighing down on me. This year? I’m ready to beat Sam Marlowe’s ass again knowing that this is going to be just another match for her to ‘get over with’. I’m going on that cruise without any burdens, stronger than ever. It doesn’t get talked about much, but I’ve gotten a lot stronger over the last year…”
“Your attitude does make all the headlines, there’s no denying that.” Clarissa says with a laugh. “But really, you’re right. You have gotten so much stronger. Andrea, most of the women that go through what you did last summer wouldn’t endure it the way you did. Sure, that summer was hell for you, but you came back and made your presence felt. High Stakes was a big setback, but you were able to bounce back from that too. You went through hell and back and you’re still at the top of your game. But all the other women that talked so much trash about you and put you down… what about them?”
“Name an example…”
“Christina Rose. Obviously.”
“Right. The woman has fallen off so damn much she went from world champion to Jessie Salco. HA! Yeah, I guess in the long run, I got the better end of it. Hell, this all started with Keira Fisher. I remember this. I remember how after that battle royal, she ran me down at my weakest thinking that I was easy pickings for her and then I silenced her. Yeah, she became world champion after the fact… but wait… what’s she doing lately?”
I scoffed at this, mocking the fact that Keira hasn’t been relevant in some time.
“I’m trying to remember who else tried to put me down so much. Kate Steele. Oh THERE’S another one. ‘Overrated’ again and again and again. Has fallen off entirely since High Stakes. Had the tag belts for a cup of coffee before losing them to the Barnharts. I’m definitely stronger than her. Courtney Pierce thought she was relevant enough to talk shit to me on social media but APPARENTLY, she’s not wrestling anymore. I guess she just wasn’t strong enough to hack it. It’s funny… I went through a LOT of shit last summer that would’ve crippled the career of any woman, but all these women we’re bringing up either fall down the ladder straight to being out of the spotlight or aren’t even in the company anymore for reasons that are less drastic and easier to overcome than the circumstances I dealt with. That really does make me stronger and better than them at the end of the day knowing how I’ve evolved in the last year. Christina? Kate? Courtney? Keira? Critics like them? Yep, stronger and better…”
“Evie and Alicia too…” Clarissa mentioned out of the blue, causing me to be completely surprised by this. I was in no way triggered by the mention of my Summer XXXtreme opponents but just the mere mention of them had me questioning a little bit.
“Would I go that far?” I asked. “I never got a win over either of them.”
“No, but one lost to Jessie Salco and hasn’t wrestled a match ever since. For all the trash talking she put you through and for all the times she got in your head, you’re still here. She’s not. You endured through the adversity. She didn’t. You had to rebuild from the ground up, she wasn’t strong enough to do the same thing when Jessie beat her.”
“You do make a hell of a point…”
“And the other? All it took was losing to Keira again for a retirement party to happen on social media. Even she admitted she wasn’t the Alicia of old. Even with that, instead of try to work through that adversity, she’s spamming about her retirement on Twitter. You can argue that getting eliminated in a battle royal by Mercedes Vargas is more embarrassing. You can argue that saying “I Quit” to Christina Rose is more embarrassing. But you handled it like a champion. Those two things were harder to overcome then a loss to Keira, yet you stuck it out.”
“And here I thought that being the ‘mean girl’ and putting other people down, slandering them again and again with lies and twisted nonsense was the way to get ahead. It sure worked for those two… until it didn’t once they lost to the likes of Jessie and Keira.”
“Being the meanest, nastiest bitch in the world doesn’t get you to the top, Andrea. If it did, you wouldn’t have won the world title in the first place.”
“But I was still the nice girl… and you know what my dad said about those…”
“It wasn’t being nice that won you the title, it was being strong. Mean girls don’t get to the top, strong ones do. Nice girls don’t get to the top, strong ones do. The strong ones are also the ones that stick things out and keep fighting, like you did, not the ones that tuck tail and run or completely half-ass things like some of your co-workers have done. You’re way stronger than you were 365 days ago… and when you go on that cruise, that’s the thing I want you to remember the most.”
“Thanks for that, Clarissa. I’m glad to see that at least one person recognizes the truth. Everyone wants to focus on the attitude or some of the things that I say, but they don’t realize that I had to endure a lot of their shit to even stay on this roster. But hey, they don’t matter. I’M the one that does and if they can’t see where I come from, it’s their loss not mine. I guess that’s a lesson I’ve got to teach Sam again, right?”
I scoffed at this, but pride was what I was mainly feeling knowing that I’ve endured so much that half the Bombshells roster wouldn’t be able to. Clarissa and I exchanged a hug at this point before she left the room and left me to focus on the cruise that was coming up as well as the growth and the strength I’ve exhibited since I completely tanked to rock bottom following the cruise last year…
July 10th, 2021
“I want to make a couple of things very clear, and I want to make them clear with pure, hard facts.”
I said this with confidence in my voice as I sat on my couch with the camera on me. My luggage for the cruise was visible in the background and I was already in a vacation kind of mood as I began to express my thoughts about Sam Marlowe.
“I don’t HATE Sam Marlowe. I don’t even dislike her all that much. Some of her antics and some of the things she says annoys me, sure. The fact that she was handed a bazillion title shots annoyed me, sure. The fact that she just can’t seem to make up her mind regarding what she wants for her career, what she wants at the supershow and how she’s been treating me over the last two months has been a pain in my ass more than the woman herself, sure. But no, Sam. I don’t HATE you. In fact, I think you can be a HELL of a lot better than you are right now. A few years ago, before I knew any better. You once inspired me. You defeated the unbeatable in Mikah to win your first world championship and you gave me hope that nice girls didn’t finish last after all. To see what you have become in the last year or so, more than anything, has been such a massive disappointment. A match between you and me is something that could headline ANY Climax Control and ANY Supercard on paper and yet, you’ve shown constanty, especially when it comes to me, that you don’t have the fight that you once did. The ability? Maybe that’s still there. But the fight? No, that fight disappeared a LONG time ago. You come in here after Into the Void being so confused and not being able to make up your mind. I mean seriously! You spent HOW long bitching about the chloroform thing? You like to complain so much about that, but then a couple of weeks ago, it’s like it never happened and like I don’t exist. You come on camera during that Climax Control and you are talking about having a match at Summer XXXtreme as if you were moving on from me or something. But then, a rematch between us gets signed off on and last week, you’re expressing a lot of shit that comes out of a horse’s ass.
One week, you’re crying about the chloroform.
Next week, you’re acting like you’re moving on.
The week after that, you’re talking about how you can’t have that loss from Into the Void on your record and that you can’t let it slide.
This, on top of the fact that when it came to Into the Void, you never wanted to face me anyway because you just wished I would go away and after I beat you, you’re chomping at the bit to face me again and then you’re not, and then you are. You are officially this bizarre conundrum that not even I can figure out at this point. Make up your damn mind, woman! But see, it’s occurred to me. I SHOULDN’T be shocked at all of this flip-flopping you’ve done about me. I shouldn’t be shocked that you can’t make up your mind because at the end of the day, you don’t really know what you want with your career anymore. Do you? Let me ask you a question then. What DO you want for your career, Sam? Answer me that! Tell me what you REALLY want. Tell me what your goals are for your Sin City Wrestling career nowadays. Is it to get back to the top and be Bombshells Champion again since you haven’t been close to that in such a long time and since you REALLY want to shut up the naysayers like me and anyone else that says that you’re old news now? I’d actually RESPECT YOU for that. But nowhere do I hear ANY ambition from you regarding that. Is your goal to become Roulette Champion again and have a reunion with the very championship that is synonymous with your career? To be honest, you’d be a hell of a lot better than just about every champion that has held the title since you coughed it up to Candy. But the only time you’ve EVER made mention of that is whenever you just HAPPEN to have a title shot and even THEN, you don’t show enough ambition to regain that title. Is your ambition to win the Internet Championship and complete the rare feat of winning ALL the Bombshells titles there is to offer? You had that ambition ONCE, when you faced Myra. And then she defeated you. Then you outright said you weren’t going to challenge her again, all but giving up.
You gave up after ONE try. Me? If it were me, I’d be targeting Myra over and over again until I took that damn title from her because unlike YOU these days, Sam, I HAVE that ambition! I STILL want this! You already HAD your chance to get back at me for the chloroform thing in that battle royal and you FAILED! Not only did you FAIL, but you weren’t even close to winning that match! You had your chance at revenge, and YOU are the one that blew it. That’s not MY fault. Do you need me to run down the list of times I could’ve just packed it in and gave up since the cruise last year? Nah, I’m not going to do that because the point isn’t the adversity, the point is that I’ve overcome it and that I am so much BETTER than you at overcoming it. I did what I had to do to save my career from becoming just like yours. I did what I had to do to avoid being a fly by night one hit wonder the way that Ruby Steele has. I had to do what I had to do to avoid being a one shot and done piece of crap the way Courtney Steele ultimately became. I did what I had to do to avoid the same fate that has befallen Evie Jordan and apparently, Alicia Lukas too. I NEVER GAVE UP no matter HOW bad the adversity was. My father fucking DIED and I was STILL out there wrestling. I had ZERO spirit, ZERO heart going into that fucking cruise last year and I STILL competed in that main event even if it killed me… which it DID! If it were YOU in my shoes, Sam, you would’ve quit the moment Evie won the title from you at Into the Void last year. I know this because when Candy got that Roulette title from you, you quit internally. You gave up. You’ve become adversity’s BITCH ever since, Sam. You’re not strong enough to get back to the level you once were because you don’t have enough ambition to do so. Instead of evolving your game and evolving your abilities, you continue to remain that ‘sweetheart’. You continue to stick to the tried and true method that got you your accolades to begin with. Why the fuck change anything, right? Instead of wanting to prove that you can be out of Cyn’s shadow, what you SHOULD be doing is saying “fuck this shit, fuck my family, I’m doing ME!”. If you just do EXACTLY what I did last year when I turned on Christina and turned your back on your family and your fans just like I did, I GUARANTEE YOU that your career will be rejuvenated but you lack the ambition and the courage to make such a bold move and THAT is why you are stuck where you’ve been stuck in for the last two years.
I mean it, Sam! We could terrorize the whole Bombshells division together if you actually had the ambition and the courage to make the change that I made last year but unfortunately, I already know that’s not going to happen and that you’re going to CONTINUE to plod along in this company as the heartless, run of the mill Bombshell that you’ve become lately. It’s sad… VERY sad, Sammi, that someone with your talent lacks so much passion for this these days. It’s SAD that for as stupid as your little spiel of words was last Climax Control, that those words were the most AMBITIOUS words you’ve EVER said about me. And since we’re on that subject, I will gladly break them down for you to further emphasize my point. So once again, there you are, whining and crying and belaboring the point about how I needed to knock you out with chloroform to get the win at Into the Void. First off, I didn’t NEED to. I did that because I WANTED to. Of course, when you complain about that, you leave out the part where ONE, we HAD a one on one match prior to Into the Void and I BEAT YOU WITHOUT the chloroform, which immediately defeats your point about ‘she needs to cheat, what does that say about her?’. And TWO, as mentioned already, you HAD a chance to correct this in the battle royal and you didn’t get it done… and you don’t have ‘chloroform’ to use as an excuse that time. But I guess that’s the Sam Marlowe way now: making a bunch of excuses to explain her shortcomings and her inadequacy these days instead of just owning up to the fact that she just isn’t good enough to beat me.
I mean, I GET IT Sam, where you’re coming from. If I lost a match that way, I wouldn’t accept it either and again, that is something I WANT to respect you for, but I can’t when you consider that you were ready to just move on from me before the match was even signed. I also can’t do that when you tried to predict what I am going to say, thinking that I was going to just say that you weren’t worthy of a match with me when I’ve never even ALLUDED to such a comment but hey, that’s you, Sam. That’s your insecurity showing because just by trying to be a weather girl and predict what I am going to say, you’ve already shown that you’re WORRIED about what I am going to say about you. It just further highlights how weak you’ve become. Talking shit that you can’t back up as much as you used to before is all you’ve got left. You’re just further reminding me of the Andrea that I used to be, you know: the nice girl, the sweetheart, the idiot that would take every single thing someone said about me that damn personally. I was that fucking weak Sam, and I STILL won a world title because I WANTED IT. Just a little ambition for you can go a long way. I’m not saying it’d make you world champion because you’re inferior to me and all of that, but still. You show up, you do your little sweetheart act, you talk about beating your opponent, you smile and wave at the fans, you wrestle, and win or lose you go home and you don’t show any growth or any perspective that you’ve gained since the previous match.
How the hell do you expect to go anywhere in your career just doing the same old thing over and over and over again?
I mean for FUCK’S sake Sam, I wanted to wrestle you in the first place because I wanted to prove that I should be the one getting the title shots you were getting. That’s the truth and I’m sticking with that. But NO, YOU had to spin it into a narrative that I just wanted to bully you and run you into the ground going into our last match. It wasn’t about the title shots for you. It wasn’t about the fact that you had any ambition to prove that you deserved those title shots instead of me. No, it was about wanting to beat me so you could move on because you were hoping that I would ignore you. You took it THAT damn personal when it was NEVER personal with you Sam. It was ALWAYS business. ALWAYS! Instead of just stepping up to me and challenging me, I had to poke and prod and make fun of you for weeks until I finally got the match I wanted at Into the Void. This thing between us, Sam, you’ve had this ALL wrong. It’s no surprise, considering that little nice girls like you tend to be so fucking stupid. Believe me, I know all about that considering how stupid I was when I first got to Sin City Wrestling. You’re just not strong enough, nor smart enough, nor ambitious enough, to see the forest for the trees and THAT is why your career has stalled.
THAT is why I am going to defeat you again… TWICE… and I won’t need three falls. Hell, technically, the score is already three to nothing considering the battle royal and the two singles wins that I have over you. I’m going to finish this my way, Sam… and when I do? I’m getting back into title contention. I’m moving on up to face competition that is HOPEFULLY ambitious enough to face me. I know that you’re going to bring your best to the table, but your best isn’t going to be good enough. So, I’m going to leave you with this question, Sam Marlowe. How BAD do you really want to defeat me? Do you want to defeat me just as ‘revenge’ for the chloroform thing to heal some wounded pride that you have? Or do you want to defeat me to actually DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR CAREER and get it going again, back to championship contention? If THAT is the reason why you want to win, then you’ve got a better chance of beating me. You STILL won’t, but at least I’m getting the Sam Marlowe I want to get. If this is about wounded pride and taking it all personal, you’ve already lost this match… so keep that in mind before the next time you address me.
Show me some AMBITION damn it!
Show me how bad you want this!
Because if you don’t want it bad enough? It’s going to be a LONG night for you Sam… nort like that’s anything new for you…
At this point, I stand up from my couch and shut off the camera, continuing to exude the confidence that’s grown within me as I make my final cruise preparations.
