Mac Bane Meal to go
Maki was sitting on her couch in her silk purple bra and panties, she was very perplexed as her online order had not been delivered yet and she needed her Korean Beef Noodles. Stat. She gave up on ordering from the Korean shop down the valley. This was all very perplexing. She tried a different app but again it didn’t work. She bulked at the thought that had crossed her mind. She was starving and decided maybe a Maccie D’s was worth having a terrible stomach ache after as her digestive tract tried to deal with all the insane fat that would be coursing through her. Yet, this was the idea that stuck. It had been years since she tried something from there; the last time had been this vegan chicken deli sandwich, eating cardboard would have been a nicer experience.
There was a faint rustling, as if a breeze had gently passed through the autumnal Oak tree, yes she was in her house. This had been indoors. A faint whisper followed it, “The hunger is for blood, for the souls of the wayward. It is almost time to allow yourself to be my vessel once more.” Melissa looked around, she knew Daniela was slowly making her way to come back once more but this was not like the other times. This time she blatantly heard her.
Her mind settled back on what to eat and then her TV turned itself on and she came face to face with the image of Daniela. She was trying to say something but it was as if she was muted. She was screaming something and it brought to mind what a great victory she had had the other week. A win is a win and now they had to face one of the toughest teams in the blast from the past with the added caveat that if she pins Myra she would be the new champion of the internet. She could not let this opportunity pass her by. She wanted the title so badly. Imagine being the champion of the whole internet? Even if somehow Big Bill got the pin she would still be on track for a world title shot, she just had to make sure Batman’s nemesis did not get the pin and to keep Myra at bay which is harder than it seems but she knew she was far superior to Myra and ordinarily, when she was at the top of her game she could guarantee she would win but this was the reason she hated tag team matches so much. She was not in control and banking on Bill to do his part was out of her control and it pissed her off but she had to have faith in the old codger.
Her stomach hurt with hunger pain and she knew she had to finally do it. She had to call the dreaded animal murdering psychopaths that were Maccie D’s.
“McDonalds. How may I assist you?
“Alright, honeylove. So can I have a Mac Bane double vegan chicken sandwich?”
“Sure. Do you want that to be a meal? You can large up for another $2.50, would you like that? Wait. Mac Bane? What are you talking about? Big Mac do you mean? It’s hard to understand your accent”
This pissed her off and was always such a lame excuse. Oh so she is hard to understand but they can flubbing well understand bloody northerners on Game of Thrones but they can’t understand a classy, well spoken, English woman from the south of England? Even when she would cut an in-ring, albeit it has been a long time since that happened, but still it was ridiculous to state they couldn’t understand her. Was this rural Missouri or flubbing California for motherjamming sake!
“ Hard is it to understand? I AM FLUBBING MELISSA AKI FOR CHRISSAKES! Everyone understands me. I said...I want a Mac Bane meal with a vegan strawberry milkshake. Is that so hard to understand? I blame your useless app and website. If they had worked I would not have had to talk to someone like you. Obviously, it’s Myra Rivers’ fault. I am going to make changes to the internet when I become it’s champion! Hello...Hello...FLUBBING HELL!”
The audacity of that Myra Rivers wannabe. How dare she hang up on the future champion of the internet! At the precise moment, Melissa jumped back into the snuggly warmth of her sofa or couch for the uneducated americans. Suddenly in front of her eyes was Daniela in her own form for once. She had to look up as her head was bent forward by that dastardly ceiling fan.
“You called, Melissa.”
“Oh flub me. You know my name you inconsequential, bloody minger. Oh you meant did I call you? No of course not unless you were pretending to be some acne faced bloody slag from Mac Bane’s.”
The demoness guffawed and the house shook as one of the blades from the ceiling fan flew off and embedded itself into the far wall. “It’s called McDonald’s. I am sure you know of it. Plenty of souls harvested from there. Patrons to management everything betwixt. Now, do you want to talk to me or not? I have lots of pressing engagements to attend.”
She rolled her eyes like only Maki can do in a very slow motion as the demon before her was getting restless. “Look, honeylove, you are the one doing this slow haunting and to be honest it isn’t up to scratch. After season one of Haunting of Hill House, you need to up your game remarkably. Anyway, all I said was hell in exasperation and you pop up. Yet, when this so-called vessel is in need of help or in jeopardy where are you then, huh? You stated you wanted Salco’s soul but when it came down to it you failed to appear. I guess Persephone was right about you. Always failing your quota, eh?”
In an instant Maki was hurtled across the room by an invisible force and she headbutted the fireplace before being thrown through the patio doors to the outside pool. She was then levitated above the pool and dropped with such force a massive splash of water like a geyser burst forth into the air. All was still again, as gasping for air, Maki got out of the pool and lay on her back trying to breathe in some oxygen again as water kept evacuating her lungs.
Many Rivers to Cross
Sitting atop the Navajo Sandstorm in Southern Nevada, Melissa Aki looked out across the Navajo desert, she lifted her aviators to the top of her head as it rested on her tight scalp of hair. She was in her pink hiking gear and it had taken her so long to get here she needed to rest. Looking down at the odd smoke trails, she could see what she thought was a Native reservation, some pickups racing around and the odd bang of gunfire. It really was a great place to meditate, feel the energy flooding her from the sun and the landscape. She had a very difficult match to win in a matter of days and now was the time to send her promo in to the production crew. She would rather fight than talk but this was the way televised wrestling companies wanted it to be and they were paying her well. She never liked to do a promo with make up on as she felt it was far more authentic to strip herself down to her debased level.
“Last week, myself and the old man, we did what no one thought was possible, but hey it's another win over Marlowe for me. That bitch, seriously, she always claims to be able to beat me but the poor love doesn’t have the killer instinct I do. She was supposed to be memorable, quite conquest, yet I still found a way to win as I always do. I gotta say big props to Bill, I mean I carried him throughout, but I carried far worse before, I mean I even made Salco look good. Bill, you did well and have been even better in training this week. I know you will not let me down but if you do...I got a boot for your face just waiting but I have to trust you once again and I will for now.”
Being a control freak by nature she hated to lean on someone or to hand over control from time to time but on the other end of the spectrum when her opponent was gaining momentum she could also call on someone to back her up or even help. It was a strange dynamic and she truly hated it but she had a goal in mind and when she does she is straight for the jugular and nothing takes her focus away.
“Look, I do get it, I do get why management booked this match and it had to go down this way. I just find it rather galling that my contract states that I have two weeks between matches. I need this time to recuperate mentally, emotionally and physically yet here we are in back to back matches. I could kick up a fuss much like at least half the bombshells but I know it is because I am in this tournament, because I am the biggest signing they have ever had in this division, because Maki sells ratings. I get it but I aint best pleased with the way it was handled. Did they ask me if I am okay to have weekly matches? Did they ever ask me because my contract states they should ask if they need to have me on weekly but hey they don’t abide by the rules. If you fail to follow rules then it’s just chaos and trust me, you flubbing motherjammers, I will take it out on our opponents and put both of your talents in the flubbing hospital!”
She shook her head, as her eyes narrowed into that all too familiar look of disdain and anger. You do not want her mad at you, yet she giggled to herself at the line from A Few Good Men that came into her head.
“Mac Bane. Yes you little man. I tried to order a god damn vegan burger from your side hustle and the bish put the phone down on me. Now you got me riled up. I had to make do with a god damn vegan hot dog instead and trust me they are even grosser than your toenails. Trust me, I saw those bad boys and that's saying something. I digress, that was a silly annoyance or first world problem or whatever. Still a gripe is a gripe. Anyway, I watched some clips of you today and I gotta say you are one big, tough, son of an avocado. I also know that Bill has had his losses to you. It has fueled him to get revenge but it bothers me. I know that if you and I fight I will not be able to match your raw strength and tendency to over elaborate your strikes. Bad news for you is that I am quick, I strike hard and I do whatever it takes to win. I do not give one flub if you are a typical homophobic, racist, Texan arsehole or not. You ain't the first texan to try to destroy me and you won't be the last. You see, already, you have belittled me and Bill and think you turn up and win. You and that bloody Myra twat. Well, if you win and it’s a big if, then it will not be easy and we will take you to your limit, push past that and create a new limit for you to reach. You’re most welcome, honeylove. Either way, this is going to be vicious, aggressive, we will try to rip each other’s heads clean off our bodies but when you least expect it I will knock you out with my Makihouse Kick or make you tap and the former sounds even more delicious because I thrive when you underestimate me. For every time you try to clothesline me I will duck under it, for every time you try to chokeslam me into the claw, I will wriggle out of it. I do not see you as the rough, tough, son of a bitch you think you are, I see you as the flubbing weak link in your team and I will prove it!”
Her thoughts quickly turned to someone she didn’t just want to beat and pin to become the new Internet Champion but someone she had to beat. She could not stand that the first time they fought she had lost.
“Now for Myra Rivers. This little cute arsed bitch she went and hid behind her mask of normalcy and compassion. You know, for the first time in my life, I fell for it. You played me so well, Myra. I thought you were contrite and yes, I was off my game for awhile but it does not exclude my mastery of psychology and mentally I let you get in my head and I didn’t treat you like I treat the rest of these slags, I treated you as someone tough and nice and I didn’t really want to hurt you but now it’s all changed, babycakes. I see through this veneer of yours. This act about wanting to be the light that we all rush to, the beacon as if we are moths to the flame. I reject this notion! I have seen clearly how quickly the mask slips and I see you for who you truly are. Without this faux validation from everyone, the internet, the world at large, you crumple into the fairy dust of your own making. On Sunday I will tear each mask off, until your ugly, conniving, real face is revealed. I will then beat you and beat you and beat you some more. I will make you tap, I will break your real face and shatter it into a million little fragments, I will give you the Makinoku Driver from hell and even after I have pinned you and taken my rightful place as the new champion of the internet, I will put you through a god damn table for good measure. I am not to be played with Myra. I do not give a flub what you have done in the past, I do not care about your reputation. For me, Blast From The Past, the Internet championship, they pale into insignificance compared to the betrayal I felt when you sucked up to me before our match. You shall pay for this when we fracture your skull and destroy your brittle bones. So lay flat, let me ease the pain of what I do by listening to your own chest rattle as I pin you and advance and become the champion of the internet which I was born to be. There is no other option for you, old lady.”
She got up and looked down. Always the worst thing about a hike is the way down. Her mind raced to the thought of throwing Myra Rivers over the edge and watching her body bounce off the rocks, bones splitting through skin, organs crashing, blood enveloping her and she giggled out loud as we fade.
