Lying to yourself
”I’m Fine”
Two words, said multiple times. A lie that she kept telling herself. A lie that was now repeating in her head over and over again. The last week had been hell. A moment that she didn’t want known had been broadcast all over social media and the company. A moment of weakness that Alicia had tried to just push down and not care about. This wasn’t the first time Alicia had felt like this. Not the first time she had been made to feel insignificant and been threatened. But the difference between all those years ago and now was that she was stronger. But she remembered the feeling. She remembered it all and it all came flooding back. A life that she had left behind along with a name and a past.
Violet Maxwell.
Her birth name and something she had tried to forget. A last name given to her by a father that valued his own feelings and future over his children. A name that was given to her only to be pushed away when her own mother put her up for what many would consider to be an arranged marriage. A great southern tradition. But it was a marriage and a life that would almost break her and lead her to take her own life. Pushed and pulled into a spiral of depression. It culminated in a moment she would never forget. A desperate night where she was ready to simply end it all.
But she didn’t.
She ran away but fought to regain an identity.
An identity that had to live by letting the old one die. Alicia went from a teenage mother, betrothed to an abusive man who was treating her like an emotional and sometimes physical punching bag, to being a strong, independent woman who was a star in the professional wrestling world. A multi-time world champion and a woman who was scared of no one. That’s who Alicia Lukas was. The Lioness, the queen of wolves, the strong style southern belle. All names that she had earned through blood, sweat, tears and triumph. It was a persona and a career forged in the fires of competition.
All around the world. From Europe, to Japan, to Mexico and the United States. Through Honor Wrestling, WWH, LAW, 4CW, IWF and now SCW. Company after company she faced the best and went on to have historic and impressive title reigns. This was Alicia Lukas, this was who she had become. But last week, every fight she had one, every accomplishment earned...it all turned to ashes, and got carried away by the wind.
Her eyelids fluttered. She twitched. She could feel Austins hand on her wrist, turning and squeezing it causing blood vessels to pop and her skin to turn yellow and purple. His strength scared her. A six foot six beast whose eyes had once been kind and loving. Like a brother. Like family. But now, those eyes were black, deep and soulless. Like a void with nothing inside them. There was no kindness, no heart. Just anger and cruelty. His face morphed from his own to Travis Blakes, to Kaden Kessler, to Chris Cane and finally to Ronnie. All of her failed relationships, men who used her in different ways, abused her in different ways. All her past mistakes. All rolled into one terrifying moment.
Monsters who stripped little parts of her, one by one taking a piece of her soul.
Alicia changed too. It was not the Alicia we know now. Not the well put together strong woman with an athletic build. No, her hair was shorter, thinner, her body was too. She was younger, terrified.
Everything went fuzzy, as if she had been hit.
She fell to her knees, her heart racing fast as the side of her face started to bruise and swell like her wrist. Tears started to form in her eyes and her body started to shake hard. Her arms wrapped around herself as the feeling of lose and desperation entered her like a bullet through the heart. She was back there again. Nineteen years old, locked in that bathroom, the feeling of hot water and steam filling the room. Her face and hair damp with the feeling of the air now weighing heavy.
Her eyes open, they scan the room.
They focus down on the razor blade. The same one from that night. A shaking hand moves over to it, guiding her to it. The feeling of the handle was like an old friend giving her a reassuring hug. Telling her it’ll be ok. She’ll be at peace soon. All feelings of trepidation were gone. It was going to be ok She told herself, but the voice wasn’t hers. It was distorted. Different. Michael, Rory, Ryan. The men in her life who had never done her wrong. The husband who saved her, the sons she abandoned once but loved more than life itself.
They would be better off
She swallowed, her eyes trailing up to the mirror, it was her. But her from years ago.
Hello Violet
The blade was pulled, she felt the release, she felt it. And it was all she needed. Freedom.
”Ali?”
Michaels voice. Pulling her back. Her eyes open, she shoots up confused. Her body is heavy and wet. Cold. Her chest heaving up and down as she looks around frantically. The room slowly comes into view. The television at the end of the room was off, the window was closed as the snow settled on the outside. Michael was asleep, his eyes shut, his short light brown hair messy with his beard. Alicia let out a sigh as she tried to calm herself down.
She slipped from their bed, her footsteps creaking on the old wooden floor. The door was open a crack as the light in the hallway was left on. She moved down towards the two rooms near the stairs heading down to the first floor. She stopped in front of one room, opening the door slightly with a smile looking at Rory, his leg hanging off the best, snoring loudly, scrawled all over the place.
The door shut again and she turned doing the same thing with Ryan's room, unlike his brother Ryan was wrapped up in his blanket, sleeping like a log, not snoring, just peaceful. She sighed and moved back down into the master bedroom before walking back around to the bathroom door.
She turned on the light and stepping to the sink, she looked into the mirror studying her face. It was her. Present day her. She let out a relieved breath and looked down. Her eyes trailing over to her wrist, it was still bruised and purple, she couldn’t breathe. Her chest suddenly stopped. Her hand started shaking again and she backed away from the mirror, her back touching the wall as she slid down sitting on the cold white tiles, her knees pulled to her chest as she looked up at the ceiling.
I’m fine
The Second Hurdle
”I told y’all”
The voice of Alicia Lukas cuts through the darkness, she steps forward and comes into view, she is in a large media room. Screens all around her flicker and stay on with distorted images. Right now we see ones from last week. Vinnie and Alicia teaming together.
”The mariachi wolves rose up and did what we do. Win. See Vinnie is, what I like to call, an opportunist. He knows how to look around and find ways to win. Much like myself. And hey, the match last week, Jake Sullican and Seleana Zdunich, they tried hard, I think Jake proved if he wanted to come back to SCW full time he could and would be successful, Kind of. See, he would still struggle against guys like Vinnie, Kris Ryan, Alex, Ben Jordan and Fenris. But, as a midcard talent? Well I could see Jake doing more. Seleana on the other hand?”
“Hey, I’ll always be a supporter of little miss Zdunich. She has heart, she has soul, she’s a competitor and will always be someone I watch and want to see succeed. I will never say she isn’t a threat or someone who could beat me or any of the other top women in this company. And anyone who wants to talk shit about her can answer to me, cause I’ll plant my foot so far up their ass that they’ll have to open their mouth for me to get a pedicure…”
She pauses for a moment with a smirk coming across her ruby red lips, behind her on the large screens we see Vinnie hitting his end of days finisher on Jake and pinning him.
”But, that was just the first hurdle in this tournament. I told everyone that if you look at accomplishments and current form Vinnie and I are the team to beat in the blast from the past. See, Vinnie is a guy who has shown himself as one of the best of the best. And teaming with him, well it’s just re-enforced all of that. He knows what he wants, I know what I want. And he and I will do all we can to get to where we need to be. As I said last week, it ain’t just about getting the rewards for winning the tournament. It’s winning the tournament itself for me. It’s going all the way back to the bottom of the ladder and using this tournament to claw my way back to the top. To remind everyone just what the hell Alicia Lukas can and will do.”
The screens flash again as Alicia puts her hands out to her sides. We see her holding the Honor Legacy title, the WWH women's world title, the Honor women’s title and the SCW Bombshells championship.
”Then again, I’m not the competitor I once was. Or, that’s what so many people want you to think. With the emergence of names in SCW like Amber Ryan and Maki and also the returns of Roxi and Courtney Pierce with Mikah it’s like my stock has fallen faster than Gamestops rose. I am a three time Bombshells champion, the longest single title reign yet my name is not on the tips of anyone lips. I’m not the “it” girl in SCW anymore. No, now it is Amber Ryan and even...Crystalina Zdunichroselton. I lost the title to Keira and she lost it right away to Crystal and what?...where is that title? Does it even matter now? You can say what you want about my title reigns, the shortness of the first one, the fact the second was so long that people resorted to saying I “held it hostage” to the third one where I lost to Keira….saying it didn’t matter...but atleast when I held the title it actually mattered…”
“When I was the champion I entered the Blast from the past. Where is Crystal? Why didn’t Keira enter to get a title shot? I lost the title to her and I didn’t take an auto rematch, I went right back to square one. Yet off she goes doing what I would get chastised, criticised and crucified for.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“I could have said I wanted a rematch, I could have put my foot down and challenged Keira, I could have tried to get it back but I stepped back. I stepped away and wanted others to have the spotlight while I rebuilt myself from the ground up. And when push came to shove, Keira did what everyone else does, Keira did the selfish thing. So, now, well now my resolve is even stronger. Not just to win the Blast from the past and have that accolade but also to get a title shot, and go after whoever wins it….whether we have Keira and me, or Crystal and me...that’s what I am going to chase…”
The screens split, two images. Keira holding the title over Alicia, and Alicia holding it over Crystal. The screens then distort to just Alicia holding the Bombshells title again with all the pictures of the women she beat for and defended the title against.
”But to get there, to be able to stake my claim at a title opportunity and a moment to become a four time Bombshells champion I have to keep winning. Now, by itself that’s a hard thing to do but when you have to worry about a partner too it’s even more stressful, which is why I’m so happy to be teaming with a guy like Vinnie for the reasons I already stated. But, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about our second match in this tournament. Cause I think we’re facing the other team that could be considered favourites.”
“Cassian Reed and Roxi Johnson.”
“Cassian had exploded onto the SCW scene. An impressive guy who has that attitude to succeed. Yes Cassian I’ve noticed. You’ve entered SCW with a certain swagger and arrogance. But behind it, behind it is the most dangerous type of person. A person with a chip on their shoulder. I haven’t got the hows and why’s fivured out but I’m not blind or stupid. You are going to go far. And Vinnie would be stupid to underestimate you. You and Roxi were able to beat Slappy McGoo and Roxi’s own wife Keira. Slappy is a huge giant and despite his affable personality he’s a monster. And you were able to best him…”
“Vinnie is a big guy, a former world champion here and a guy who has done his best to be a star. So between you two, while my money would be on Vinnie, I know he has to keep his eyes open and not underestimate you.”
“Much like I can never and will never underestimate Roxi Johnson…”
Alicia can’t help but smile and laugh to herself as we switch to seeing Alicia and Roxi face to face with the Bombshells title between them,
”What can I say about you that I haven’t already Roxi? We have gone through the gamut of emotions, from respect to strong intense dislike. But through it all no matter what, as an in ring competitor I do respect you. And how couldn’t I? You have done it all, not just in SCW but in the wrestling world. You’ve taken time away, you’ve become a mother and have a happy relationship, you’ve been a world champion and have been respected by everyone. You had a series of mates against Amber Ryan that left me in awe, you’re a two time bombshells internet champion, a former bombshells tag team champion in team Hero and a three time Bombshells champion. And here you are looking to add the Blast from the past.”
“We have a storied history and it’s hard to sit here and get ready for a match against you, whether it’s a mixed tag, or just knowing you’re in a match against me, let alone one on one.”
“It’s not hard because I fear you or I’m intimidated Roxi, on the contrary, if I see your name on the other side of a match graphic I get excited as fuck and get pumped up in ways very few people can.”
“Nah Rox, what makes it hard to face you is the fact we have said and done so much to each other it’s hard to come up with anything new to say, or a new angle to come at this with. It’s just what it is. You and I both want the same thing, and we’re getting ready to try nand beat the hell out of each other to try and get it. You and to win the Blast from the past to have that honor like I do, you’re chasing a shot to become a four time champion, just like I am. I can’t say I’m going to beat you Roxi, I can’t.”
Alicia trails off for a moment and sighs heavily, the screens don’t change, this time it’s just Alicia, sitting on a stool, her hands on her lap.
”I’ve always been one to try and be honest, even if I have said something you don’t like your you bel;ieve is untrue or stretching the truth to me it has always been accurate from my perspective. And, I believe you have been the same way. I believe when you have said anything negative about me, about my record or title reign it has come from a place where you believe it’s true. And that’s fine, we all have those feelings. But this is always going to be bigger than any pettiness between us. This company, that title. Just like that title has been bigger than your marriage. You want to keep chasing it just like I do and the reason why I respect you is because of your tireless pursuit of it. The fact you love this business and you love doing this.”
“You lose and it effects you deeply, just like it does when I do. Because of how great you are. So, this week we face again, two teams, one goal. Winners live to fight another day and the losers have to sit back and watch the rest of the tournament wondering “what if?”. In the spirit of sportsmanship I’ll wish you both luck but you better bring everything you have and then some because Vinnie and I are coming for it...and we will bring hell with us…”
