October 25, 2020
“I never could’ve imagined this…” I thought to myself as I reflected upon my successful SCW Bombshells Internet championship defense against Maki on this night. There was a mirror in front of me, but in the moments following the title defense, I looked at the championship in front of me as I continued my thoughts. “When I first came to Sin City Wrestling, I never imagined that I’d be going into the biggest show of their calendar year as a champion. In fact, I wasn’t even thinking about championships at all. Now? I get to go back to where it all started: the biggest show of the year in Las Vegas…”
Some sentimental feeling was sweeping me as I remembered how my huge, breakout moment happened in Vegas back in 2008. That joy that was going through my heart was enough to cancel out the soreness and the twinges of pain I was experiencing from the bumps and bruises of my championship defense. Looking at the mirror, still wearing the Sidney Prescott costume I had worn on this night, I continued to reflect on the incredible situation that I found myself in.
“I was just hoping to hang in this company…” I thought to myself. “I never came in thinking that I was going to beat the women I’ve beaten since I’ve been here. I never came in thinking that I’d go on the tear that I’ve been on. I never imagined for a second that I’d be wrestling the best that I ever have at my age. I was written off so much after Carnage, it was unreal. If someone had told me to sit down and script how my career here would go, I would’ve never come up with this, at all…”
My thoughts were suddenly broken by my phone ringing. I looked at it, seeing my sister’s name and number. This didn’t bother me and I spent little time answering the phone.
“Hey sis!” I said to Adrianna with joy in my voice.
“Hey! Congratulations!” I smiled, knowing that the tone in Adrianna’s voice was overwhelmingly happy! “You were phenomenal again! I know it was tough having a bit of a brush with your old demons and darkness, but I always knew you were strong enough to prevail. You sure shut HER up didn’t you? Stupid Maki… who the hell did she think she was?”
“Now Adri, I’m not worked up over her words.”
“I know but… I can’t help it. By the way, Sidney Prescott? Interesting costume choice!”
I had a bit of a chuckle to myself, explaining why I went with that choice.
“Sidney Prescott is fitting for me, sis…” I began to explain. “...because she’s a survivor, just like me. During the entire Scream series, Sidney goes through hell time and time again… as I have throughout my entire career. But every obstacle that stands in her way, even the most daunting, she’s able to overcome and she’s able to grow stronger from that. Doesn’t that sound familiar, Adrianna?”
“When you think about it, it makes a hell of a lot of sense. You really have survived and endured so much hell in your career, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, I almost certainly have” I admitted. “But without all the hell I’ve endured from NSWA to Carnage Wrestling, I wouldn’t be capable of thriving in SCW as I am right now. I was worried for a moment that I was going to falter against Maki tonight… but you helped pull me through that… so thank you!”
“Always…” Adrianna said.
“Now I get to go to High Stakes as the Internet Champion… and everything is going to come full circle for me. The first massive show I ever wrestled was right here in Vegas and I picked up the biggest win of my career to date at that point… when I shocked the world and won that briefcase ladder match. That made my career. Now? I bring it all full circle when I come through one more time on the big stage in the same city! You’ve got my word that I’m going to get it done...”
“I believe in you, Myra! You know I always do!”
Adrianna’s faith brought out a smile in me.
“I’ll let you soak in the moment. Good night sis! Love you!”
“I love you too! Good night!”
The phone hung up after that and suddenly, I found myself in a bit of a gaze as I took a long look at the mirror.
“The journey has never been easy…” I said to my reflection. “You self-destructed in Carnage Wrestling after you had a slip there. You were the most hated, reviled person in GCW. You were constantly treated like hell in UWA. PRW had the worst ending for you that you will ever have to experience. But the worst hell you EVER had to endure and survive was where it all started in NSWA…”
Thinking about the first wrestling company I ever worked for brought some old, cold feelings back… the feelings of frustration, of isolation, of the most intense self-doubt I’d ever experience in my life before or since that time in my career.
“It’s the only company you ever wrestled for that did everything they could to destroy you… the abuse… the hazing… the constant psychological torture they put you through when they constantly made you feel like you were never going to be good enough. There’s the ‘time honored tradition’ of hazing… and then there’s what you went through to get to where you are today…”
It was at this moment when I began to reflect on that time in NSWA in the weeks leading up to my big breakthrough moment on NSWA’s biggest stage in Las Vegas…
March 3, 2008
“UGH! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!”
I was screaming at my cell phone as I was alone in the NSWA locker room. I was already feeling tense, stressed and nervous with the task at hand on this night.
“What’s wrong?” I heard the voice of a woman about my age that knew me more than anyone. She wasn’t a wrestler… not at this point. But her slightly Southern drawled voice annoyed me.
“None of your business, Jazmyn!” I snapped at her, causing my best friend of that time to be taken aback.
“I’m just trying to help…” my old friend said to me with concern in her eyes.
“It’s just my father…” I grumbled. “He sent me a text saying that I was going to lose tonight and prove that I’ll always be a disappointment to my mother… like I needed even MORE pressure tonight… the biggest match of my career… my chance to become the NSWA Women’s Champion against that bitch M.K. Paradise…”
“Don’t worry! You’ll win!” Jazmyn said with confidence, although I wasn’t feeling it considering that my NSWA record was hovering around 50/50 and I had yet to win even two straight matches. Laughter was then heard from across the room. I looked across and narrowed my eyes in anger when I saw a male wrestler standing at the door. The mere sight of him made me sick considering he was the worst bully I ever dealt with in NSWA.
“Wow Myra…” the wrestler said. “I guess your friends are just as stupid as you are.”
“Shut the fuck up, Kirk!” I said to him.
Kirk Storm. Hated him. He was a meatheaded prick who got his rocks off by bullying and hazing others he didn’t like and I was by far a frequent target for reasons I had yet to understand why.
“Do I need to remind you that you’re facing one of the most successful women in NSWA history and that alone is why you can’t win? Do I need to remind you that you’re NOT going to amount to anything in this business. In fact…”
Kirk pauses as he pulls out a dollar from his pocket and places it on the floor.
“Why don’t you do a little strip tease for me, then crawl on over and get your payment, huh?”
“WOW!” Jazmyn exclaimed to Kirk with anger in her voice. “You are a piece of SHIT!”
“You can’t talk. You’re nobody!” Kirk said to Jazmyn, angering me.
“YOU KNOW WHAT…” I said, snapping back, having had enough of his bullying. “I WILL be the NSWA Women’s Champion and you can take that dollar and shove it right up your ass!”
Kirk laughed as the former picked up the dollar. They both left Jazmyn and I alone and I was already cringing and shuddering, tears beginning to form in my eyes.
“Gosh, you weren’t kidding about NSWA…” Jazmyn tells me. “How long has he been treating you like this?”
“Since my first week here…” I said, holding back tears. “ The worst part? The higher ups don’t care! They let him do this to me! It’s clear that NSWA doesn’t value me. I have to win… I have to shut them up…”
“Don’t worry…” Jazmyn assured me. “You will…”
“Damn right…” my defiant, 23-year-old self would say… “...and when I do, they’ll never harass me again!”
27 MINUTES LATER…
“Myra, I’m so sorry…” Jazmyn told me in the locker room following my loss to M.K. Paradise. The loss cauterized the hell out of me and I was already on the verge of tears. My already declining confidence at this point had plunged even further.
“That was my chance…” I said, still feeling empty. “That was my ONE chance to prove EVERYONE wrong! That was my chance for my father to quit badgering me over my piss poor career so far! That was my chance for that piece of shit Kirk Storm to shut the hell up and to quit bullying me… and I fucking blew it, Jaz! Maybe it’s… it’s not meant to be… maybe Kirk is right… maybe NSWA is right...”
“You still have that ladder match in Las Vegas in 20 days…” she reminded me.
“I don’t even want to THINK about that…” I told her. “Like I have a chance in HELL of winning that! I think the odds in Vegas had me at +4000 or something which were the second worst odds of that field of eight. I don’t know how much longer I can take this! I don’t want to give up on my dream so soon, but I don’t know… I don’t think I can do this! Everyone here thinks I’m a joke, Jaz! I can’t talk about this anymore…”
“Myra…”
I ignored Jazmyn as I walked toward my locker room. I saw that the door was slightly cracked open which I didn’t pay any mind to. I opened the door and walked in, but when that happened, a whole bucket of rotten anchovies spilled all over me with the bucket itself just missing me!
“What the FUCK?!?!?!?!” I screamed. Jazmyn caught up to me and she was stunned. We both heard laughter and sure enough, Kirk was approaching us. He stood in front of us with his hands behind his back.
“Damn… something smells fishy around here…” Kirk said with a smirk on his face. “Is it the anchovies… or is your career? Once again, you have a chance to actually be somebody… but… you blew it… as usual!”
My spirit inside of me was slowly slipping away now that Kirk Storm, my worst enemy in NSWA, was beginning to run up the score on not just the loss I just suffered, but my awful start to my career as well. I barely had any courage to say the words that were about to come out of my mouth.
“...did you do this?” I asked him with a tone in my voice that sounded like I was about to break.
“WOW! Maybe you’re not some dumb, Florida moron after all!” Kirk said. “Of COURSE I did!” hearing that brought tears to my eyes again.
“Why?” I asked, with a whiny, heartbroken tone of voice that indicated that I was on the verge of giving this up forever.
“WHY?” Kirk mimicked in a mocking tone of voice. “Because you’re WORTHLESS, that’s why! Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re just some cheap, plastic whore from Miami that had her whole life handed to her by her daddy and you want to come into PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING when there are many women like YOU infesting this business being bottle blondes and having fake breasts, strutting around, showing off their ass… FUCK THAT! You’re just another one of those whores… those breasts ARE fake right? Don’t answer that.”
“How can you treat someone like that?” Jazmyn interjected in vain.
“I’m sorry, who are you again? I’m talking to fake tits who only got into wrestling with daddy’s money and blowjobs.”
“I’m not that…” I said, still trying in vain to reason with him, his latest quip gutting me.
“Your win-loss record indicates otherwise, slut!”
“My mother wrestled…”
“What a waste of genetics! She should’ve aborted you! You think I’d EVER like someone that’s in MY SPOT? I should be in that golden opportunity ladder match… NOT a whore like YOU that will NEVER amount to anything! You’re the biggest waste of space I’ve EVER met in my career!”
“Stop it…” I said through the tears strolling down my face, being nowhere near as strong as I am now. Jazmyn lightly touched my shoulder trying to help me pull through this. “...just stop… please? I’ve done nothing to you… ever…”
“HELLO? Did I just NOT explain that you have MY spot in that ladder match? You STOLE that from me, you goddamn whore! You did something to me!”
“What’s it going to take for you to stop?” I asked. “You’ve done nothing but treat me like shit from the day I got here. I’ll do anything… just name it… please… I want this to stop…”
Kirk laughs at my desperation.
“You want this to stop?” Kirk asked with a mocking scoff. “How about you give me that spot?”
“NEVER…”
“Or… you can strip down to your underwear, crawl around like a dog and beg me to stop! Hell, I’ll even give you a dollar! Make it quick! I can’t stand you smelling like dead fish for much longer.”
I didn’t have it in me to even say anything and the breakdown I was having became too much for me to snap out of.
“Or… you can quit. It’s not like anyone in NSWA would miss you. Maybe you can go be a fashion model or something. That might be what you’re best at. But the bottom line is… you don’t deserve to be in that ladder match. You don’t deserve to be a wrestler. I don’t even know why you were ever hired to begin with. So what is it going to be? Are you going to give me that spot? Are you going to beg me to stop like the dog that you are? Are you going to quit? What’s the point of staying in the ladder match when you’re a total long shot to win against some of our best, none of whom you’ve ever beaten before? Some of whom you’ve already lost to? Deep down… you know I am right…”
While my face was flooded with tears and while my spirit was shattering more by the second, there was some tiny part of me that was still hanging on to some glimmer of hope. I looked back at Jazmyn, who was trying to keep herself together, and then back at Kirk. In this one moment, enough anger filled me to have one last gasp of defiance…
“You can make all of this go away just by giving me what I want…”
“...never…” I said in a soft, angry tone. “I’m not quitting… I’m not giving you my spot…”
“That’s too bad…” Kirk said, before dumping a bucket of gravy that he was hiding behind his back over my head. To complete my utter humiliation, Kirk shoved me straight down and it was only with Jazmyn’s quick reflexes that I didn’t completely fall to the floor and potentially whiplash right off of it. Kirk just scoffed at this. “I’m hoping that they never fire you now. Torturing you is way too much fun!” Kirk just laughed as he finally left me alone. Jazmyn gently set me down on the floor and shut the door and I had just lost it at this point. Tears were forming in her eyes too as she tried to console me.
“I’m so sorry…” Jazmyn said. “You deserve so much better than this!”
“I can’t do this…” I said through my own tears… and a really bad mixture of anchovies and gravy. “He’s right… I’m never going to amount to anything in this business. I’m a disappointment to my mother. What am I thinking? How could I ever think that I could ever be a professional wrestler?”
“Myra… please don’t listen to that…”
“I can’t help it, Jaz! I can’t deal with this anymore. Everyone here thinks that I’m nothing… and they’re right! I am nothing! I can’t keep a five hundred record. I’ve never even won two matches in a row. All of my wins are against other rookies or chumps that somehow still have a contract when they shouldn’t.”
“But…”
“But NOTHING! I know what I’m going to do! I’m going to admit defeat and give in to my father. I’m going to wrestle that stupid ladder match in Vegas… and… and then I’m done! I’m going to be done with NSWA. I’m going to be done with wrestling…”
“WHAT?” Jazmyn said in shock. “Myra… you’ve dreamed of this since you were seven years old! You can still win that ladder match…”
“I won’t…” I said in defeat. “I already know that I won’t. That’s why I’m willing to just give up… if people like HIM are a regular part of this… then I don’t want to do this anymore…”
Jazmyn became my shoulder to cry on at this point as I didn’t say another word for the remainder of the evening. This night ultimately was the closest I ever came to completely giving up on the professional wrestling business. I had no strength, no confidence and no will power to push on. I only had enough in me to make it to Vegas and to wrestle that ladder match… a match that nobody had given me a chance to win. This was an incredibly significant hell that I had to overcome in order to become the wrestler that I am today. Just remembering this night… how I was ready to give it all up… how I was ready to give in to the bullies and the haters… it still gives me chills, even now.
November 5, 2020
Even as I was looking into the mirror of my first floor bathroom in reflection and playing that scene in my mind again, as I had done after I had defeated Maki, I was still experiencing those feelings all over again.
“That’s why High Stakes means the world to me…” I said to myself. “I can never forget the struggle that I went through in my rookie year. I can never forget the horrors that I endured in the NSWA locker room that I had to overcome to have my moment in Vegas 12 years ago. When I pulled off that moment, I knew what it took to silence my critics and finally prove them wrong. The sad thing is, even after I had my moment, NSWA still didn’t see any value in me. They recognized that I was capable of being a TV or a Women’s Champion, but they always thought I was incapable of carrying a wrestling company as a world champion… and then I went to WXWF and PRW and proved them wrong…”
I paused, smiling with pride.
“Going to the biggest show of the year, in that city, and defeating Seleana Zdunich… it would be an incredible and inspiring reminder of where I started, where it all began and everything that I had to overcome… EVERYTHING… to be where I am now. It would be a great reminder that I have overcome and can STILL overcome the worst of the worst I will ever have to endure in this business. It really has been one hell of a ride…”
“That it has…” I heard Adrianna’s voice from behind me, causing me to be startled. “...I hate to interrupt your inspirational nostalgia trip, sis… but you’ve got a former protege that wants to talk to you.”
“...what the fuck is Andrea doing here?” I asked. “She clearly burned her bridge with me, remember? I don’t need her negativity, okay? Tell her to leave.”
“As much as I’d LOVE to tell Andrea to fuck off… I’m afraid that’s not possible.”
“Why not?” I asked with a bit of an annoyance.
“Because… Andrea isn’t here…”
“So… if it’s not Andrea, then who is it?”
“That would be me!” I heard a familiar voice say and it was a voice that I’ve known for many years, even decades. I left the bathroom to see that Jazmyn Rain was standing there. I raised an eyebrow in surprise considering that Jazmyn and I have had strained relations over the years as a consequence of my own dark period back in GCW. Adrianna nodded in my direction before she went to my backyard, leaving us both alone and creating a bit of an awkward tension considering how our close friendship during the NSWA days turned into a nasty rivalry in GCW, largely due to my own fault.
“Jazmyn. Hey. How’ve you been?”
“Hiatus. You?”
“Internet Champion.”
“Fun.” Jazmyn said.
“Why did you want to see me?” I asked her.
“I was there with you 12 years ago, remember? I know how much going back to Vegas on a big stage supercard means to you considering what happened before. I was right there with you when you overcame the hell that you were going through to win that ladder match and to have your breakthrough moment. You know how much seeing you accomplish that means to me because that moment would be my main source of inspiration when I became a wrestler myself.”
“I appreciate that Jazmyn. You want to have a seat?”
Jazmyn sat on the main living room couch and I walked over to sit right down next to her.
“What a crazy time that was back in NSWA, right?” Jazmyn asked me. “I remember I was the only one in the world, prior to you believing it yourself, that thought you had any chance to win that ladder match.”
“I remember…”
“And needless to say, my old friend, I have every ounce of faith in you that you’re going to retain that championship on the grandest stage against Seleana! You’ve got this! I believe in you just as much now as I did back then!”
I smiled with delight knowing that already, I was experiencing a full circle moment.
“After all, Seleana Zdunich is an EASY opponent that you should have NO problems beating. There’s no possible way she can beat you!”
My eyes widened in surprise and my smile was gone. That brief moment of joy gave way to surprised disappointment.
“What?”
“Myra, you heard me! You’re on FIRE! You’re an ageless wonder! SCW couldn’t have given you a better opponent? God, you’re going to retain in a snap!”
“Jazmyn, how can you think that? Oh god, don’t be like Jay when he trashed Sam Marlowe… please?”
“I’m not trashing her! I’m just speaking the truth. Seleana has been in a slump lately. She lost four matches in a row, including to YOU not that long ago, before she finally won against… WHO again? Not to mention, she’s SO DISTRACTED! Like… wow… she can’t focus on her own shit because she’s so tied up in Christina’s… so how is she going to beat you?”
I shook my head, disapproving of Jazmyn’s comments.
“What?”
“Jaz, YOU of all people should know better!”
“But you’re the favorite to retain!”
“I don’t care! Seleana was in the main event of last year’s show! There’s no reason to dismiss her. If I dismiss her, then I am no better than those bastards in NSWA that dismissed me for months before I shut them up in that ladder match.”
This suddenly brought a guilty expression on the face of my old friend. She swallowed her pride and sighed, further expressing her guilt. This remorse from her gave me a big sigh of relief knowing that Jazmyn wasn’t doing what Jay did with Sam after all. I knew at this point that Jazmyn’s comments were out of ignorance, unlike Jay’s whose comments about Sam were just to be mean and to put her down.
“You should know better considering your own career. I know you remember how everyone wrote you off when you started. I sure as hell remember even ME writing you off in GCW and you constantly proving me wrong. For someone who didn’t like to be counted out, you shouldn’t be doing that with Seleana.”
“You’re right, Myra. I’m sorry” Jazmyn said with a sigh. “I really let my confidence in you get to my head. But… you have to look at the facts. For this being a full circle thing for you… ironically, you’re in the OPPOSITE of where you were 12 years ago. Then, you weren’t given a snowball’s chance in hell to win, but now? You’re the favorite.”
“That’s exactly why I am not writing her off… because I know what it feels like to be written off, to be doubted, to go through the hell and the pain and the struggle that Seleana herself has gone through. Back then, I’m exactly where Seleana is right now: slumping, self-doubt pouring in, distracted, questioning myself a hell of a lot, dealing with so much emotions. She’s had so much shit happen to her with Christina getting hospitalized, with her losing the Roulette title, with Andrea beating the shit out of her a while back… but at the end of the day, that gives me no excuse to underestimate her. Her name still carries plenty of weight and if I make the same mistake that those NSWA doubters made with me, then there’s no fucking way I’m leaving High Stakes as the Bombshells Internet Champion. I CAN’T underestimate her, Jaz! I CAN’T let my guard down. I don’t give a damn about what the Vegas odds say. I don’t give a shit if I’m favored to win. I not only know what it’s like to be the underdog, I know how to win as one too… and I KNOW for a damn fact that SHE knows how to win as an underdog! She ended Alicia’s first world title reign for fuck’s sake! WE have to be better than my haters from the NSWA days, Jazmyn.”
Jazmyn has a bit of a smile and even a chuckle to herself.
“What is it, Jaz?” I asked her.
“I hate it when you’re right…” Jazmyn says, taking things in stride with a continued smile. “But you’re right. Again, I’m sorry.”
Jazmyn takes a pause as she processes the words that I just told her. She even expresses some sadness, which caught me by surprise.
“I forgot for a moment how terrible you were treated before you won that ladder match. You went through so much pain and so much heartbreak. The way you were bullied in the first few months there was just horrible. I remember how much it hurt me to see you want to give up your dream because of those awful people and how you just wanted to give it all up once the show came and went. We were such close friends back then and I remember that I wanted to do whatever it took for you to get you to push on…”
“Jaz, I’m grateful that you never gave up on me…” I said, reflecting on that time. “...I’m grateful that you didn’t write me off like everyone else had. You know… all these years later… and I just realized that I never said ‘thank you’ for sticking with me and inspiring me to stay the course and give it my very best no matter what. That whole experience gives me so much perspective going into this title defense and I’m never going to lose that again… so… thank you for being the one person back then that never gave up on me…”
This thanks brings a smile to Jazmyn’s face again for a brief moment.
“You know what to do. You know why you’ve become so successful over the years! It’s because you know that the critics didn’t matter… that all that mattered was that you believed in yourself… That’s how you’ve made it in Sin City Wrestling… and that’s how you’re going to have your incredible full circle moment... by remembering that and embracing that again… and I want to be there with you to experience that moment with you!”
“Really?” I asked with a beaming smile. Jazmyn nodded in response. “Wow… that… I had no idea that would mean a lot to me but… it means so much to me that you want to!”
Jazmyn and I exchanged a hug. Whether or not that meant a rekindling of an old friendship was something that remained to be seen.
“At High Stakes… I’m going to show the world how much my struggles have shaped me into the champion I’ve become. ”
After Jazmyn and I broke our embrace, our conversation shifted to more of a regular chit-chat, veering into a conversation that was geared more toward our personal lives, an old chemistry between us being renewed almost as if our friendship was never strained at all. I had just gotten a boost that I had no idea I needed… and this combined with my full circle perspective made me feel even better about my chances of retaining on Sin City Wrestling’s grandest stage…
But still… I knew it was no excuse to let up, especially knowing Seleana’s struggle that she’s been having as of late and how all it takes is one huge win on the right stage to get things going again or… in my case back in 2008, to get going at all. I knew that while the roles were reversed, if I was going to have that moment that would mean so much to me, that I would have to have the very passion and motivation going into High Stakes that I did in that ladder match many years ago.
Knowing me? I’m damn confident that I will!
November 14, 2020
I was feeling quite sentimental and confident as I stood in front of the camera that had just come on. The SCW Bombshells Internet Championship was slung over my shoulder as I looked around the familiar venue I found myself in. I was inside of a ring that was inside of Caesars Palace, the exact location where I had the breakthrough moment of my career that silenced the critics and proved to myself and so many people that I could be a star in this business. It was an incredibly motivating feeling to be back where it all began to me and that feeling was something that I was carrying with me when I began to express my thoughts.
“When I first got to Sin City Wrestling, I had so many people that were writing me off. ‘You’re too old, Myra’, was one of the first things that I heard from some of the detractors. ‘You’re too toxic, Myra’ was another thing that I heard and that one hurt because there was always a degree of truth to that and I didn’t quite leave Carnage Wrestling on the best of terms. I was written off as someone that was going to be swallowed alive by the toughest competition that I’ve ever faced in my career. I know for a fact that there were some that thought that I wouldn’t even last the year. Well, here I am… not only having made it to the biggest show on the SCW calendar, but with an eight and one record, a seven match winning streak and the Bombshells Internet Championship. Many were surprised… but honestly? I wasn’t that surprised. I knew that I was capable of doing great things here and I had never stopped believing in myself even after that embarrassment in my second match here. You want to know how I managed to do what I’ve done here, Seleana Zdunich? I’ll give you the short version of an easy answer: I had done it before. I had walked into a wrestling company many years ago and I was quick to be written off and told that I wasn’t going to amount to anything. And it was here in this ring, on March 23, 2008, when I was in a golden opportunity ladder match, with a title shot for the next year on the line, a complete LONG SHOT that was written off by everyone except for myself and one of my best friends… and I shocked the world! It was right here in Vegas where I officially became somebody in this business… and that’s why this match right here means the world to me, Seleana!
This match is one that I WANT to win… that I HAVE to win… not just to remain the Bombshells Internet Champion, but for the incredible, sentimental motivational boost that this match would give me. This match for me is a reminder of where it all began and how I became the champion that I’ve become in this business for so many years. I would’ve never become a 4 time world champion, or a 19 time overall champion, or the Internet Champion that I am today without the big breakout moment that I attained here. THAT is how much this means to me, Seleana. But what does this match mean for you? Don’t get me wrong, I like you. I was happy with how our prior encounter in that champion versus champion match went because you gave me your best and you were definitely into it. But this time around… I don’t know. I have heard whispers from people that you don’t deserve this title match. That’s not ME saying that, but I’ve heard it being said. I’ve had to actually defend you against some critics that state that you don’t deserve it and for someone that is so hung up on what other people think, I thought I should let you know that. They’re saying that because of the slump that you’ve been on, that you don’t deserve it. But I don’t believe that. There’s no doubt in my mind that you DO deserve this title match and the opportunity to be a grand slam winner in this company on the biggest stage of them all. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’re good enough. My doubts about you aren’t whether you deserve this or your abilities. Any doubts that I have about you?
It relates to whether you even WANT this!
This match was announced about a month or so ago and in your most recent promos and your recent on air appearances, you’ve only mentioned this match ONCE! While I’m giving interviews promoting this match to the best of my ability and on top of that, I’m going out and defending this title against Maki, you have neglected to say ANYTHING about this match at all. The one time you actually mentioned me and mentioned this match? You were ‘keen about something else’. You had the opportunity to talk about our match and give it some extra promotion and meaning, but you instead, decided to talk about Andrea’s cage match with your step daughter. I get it, Seleana. I completely understand that Andrea hurt someone that you love. I totally understand that she hurt you too and nobody feels worse about that than I do. I get that you want Christina to get her revenge on Andrea and I am all for that, but at the end of the day, Seleana, you’re NOT facing Andrea at High Stakes. You’re facing ME! I feel terrible for what Andrea did to you because she was my protege. Hell, I even felt responsible at one point. But at the end of the day, I know that I CAN’T harp on that. My focus is retaining this championship and bringing things full circle. I busted my ass against Maki, giving it my all, so I can get to this match against you. Facing you on this show means the world to me because you’re one of the most decorated Bombshells we’ve ever had.
And yet… all you’ve been is distracted!
You’re so caught up with Christina’s affairs that you can’t even focus on your own. It’s almost as if ever since you lost the Roulette Championship to Johanna Krieger that you haven’t been the same Seleana that these fans have come to know and love. I don’t know if losing the title to her affected your confidence in any way, but you haven’t been the Seleana that we know and love since then… and this is especially true since that loss to Andrea. I can’t put my finger on it. My cousin is the therapist and not me after all… but I’ve seen you in that ring, competing to your heart’s content… and I’ve noticed a Seleana Zdunich that has been completely distracted. A few weeks ago, you faced Sam Marlowe in a graveyard match and that was a perfect opportunity to build up some momentum! That match was your opportunity to get going again! What better way to build some momentum then to overcome someone that I had beaten recently? Your focus should’ve been THAT.
Instead?
I paused and sighed in disappointment in what I was about to say.
“You were focused on catharsis. Instead of saying ‘Sam, I’m going to beat you to show Myra what I’m made of! If she can beat you, so can I… and I can do it better!’, you mentioned Andrea getting hers. That was one of the first things that came out of your mouth in that promo. Just THAT… you’re already showing how unfocused you were against Sam. You even tell Andrea to take her ‘clone skit and shove it’ before you even talk directly to Sam at ALL. You could’ve brought up her recent challenge against me and you didn’t even do that. Instead, you’re focused on getting some anger out. It wasn’t about building yourself up for this very match, it was about getting some catharsis from everything that’s happened with Andrea. Sam took advantage of that as any true contender would and she beat you because you were focused on the wrong thing. I will never question your desire, but your focus? Where has it been lately? You’re coming into this match with at least SOME modicum of momentum with your win over Bea, but is it enough? On the surface, it just might not be considering the way you talked about Bea and the way you treated her. I heard that promo and to me, it sounded like you were insulted by facing her. I got the vibe that you were feeling like you were too good to face Bea because the way you were talking to her and about her? It’s almost as if you were talking about her the same way others have talked about you. You won that match, sure, but again… no mention of our match. No promotion of our match and I understand that Bea Barnhart isn’t exactly at your level yet, but I watched that match and I watched someone struggle to win against Bea Barnhart more than she should have.
This match doesn’t feel like it’s a priority to you, when to me, this match means EVERYTHING!
The fact of the matter is, the slump that you’ve been on combined with your lack of focus lately gives me every excuse and reason to overlook you and to treat you like you’re beneath me, but it’s not in my nature to do that. I could never do that, especially when I’ve BEEN in your shoes before! You think I don’t remember what it was like to have people tell me that I don’t deserve anything? You think that I don’t remember what it was like to have people bully me, haze me, try to run me out of this business? You think I don’t remember that time in my career where people thought that I wouldn’t amount to anything? Because I DO remember all of that! I could never forget it! I could never forget how I stepped into this ring and how in ONE match, I went in there against seven other people in a ladder match and I scaled that ladder and proved SO many people wrong and shut SO many people up! I could NEVER forget that moment, in this ring that I am standing in right now, where I became somebody and sure, maybe High Stakes isn’t taking place here at the Caesar’s Palace, but this full circle moment I am about to have with my title defense and possibly my victory over you is still going to mean the world to me. I’ve gotten to where I am now because I NEVER forgot where I started. We’ve been through similar experiences, Seleana. We’ve been tormented by the critics and doubters in the past. That’s why I CAN’T underestimate you and why I WON’T coast against you because you are extremely capable of doing the same thing I did 12 years ago.
Our last match, I was hoping it would teach you a lesson on believing in yourself and being able to move past all of the past talk that you’ve heard. I was hoping that it would teach you how to be stronger so you wouldn’t have to be talking about how nobody thinks you can do this, nobody thinks you deserve that, nobody thinks that you’re capable… and so on and so forth even AFTER you’ve accomplished everything that you have. And I hate to say it, Seleana, but it didn’t teach you anything. When you went into your title defense against Johanna Krieger, there you were, AGAIN, talking about how everyone said you didn’t deserve this and how nobody thinks you deserve that… AGAIN focusing so hard on the cynics and critics even AFTER I pointed this out to you before our last match. In our last match, you compared yourself to me. You talked about how I’m everything you’re not. In your praise of me as a champion, you’re putting yourself down as the champion that ‘doesn’t deserve it’. I can’t imagine your feelings have changed considering how things have gone for you since our last encounter: you lost your Roulette title, you lost to Andrea when you tried to avenge Christina, you lost to Sam when you had a chance to build up some huge momentum and like Sam, you’re someone who doesn’t fully believe in themselves and always feels like they have to prove something to the haters no matter how much you accomplish.
Here, we have a bombshell who could very well be a Hall of Fame member in her own right, but someone who doesn’t SEE herself as such. She still sees herself as what she was when she first started because she’s still paying too much attention to everything everyone says about her.
...and that’s too damn bad. I feel for you. I even EMPATHIZE with you because I’ve had that feeling about myself before.
But the reason why I am what you are not is because I’ve grown past all of that. I’ve learned to truly believe in myself. I’ve learned to embrace my past. I have learned that the past is nothing to be ashamed of. I have learned that all the hard times I ever went through whether it’s a tragic loss in a big match or whether it’s people in the locker room hazing and bullying me trying to get me, are things to be PROUD of, not to be ashamed of. I am the champion that you are not, not because you’re not good enough to be that champion because you very much ARE, but because while you stay stuck in the past, speaking of the shit that you’ve been through as if it’s some type of burden, talking about how you STILL have to prove yourself to them… I’m telling you that I don’t need to prove NSWA and all the bullies I dealt with wrong… because while you don’t feel like you have with your haters, I feel like I finally have with mine. I’ve gone through my own shit too, Seleana, some of it self-inflicted, but I’ve never stopped fighting and I’ve never stopped believing. You have all the tools in the world to be something really great, but psychologically… whether it’s still feeling like you need to prove yourself to the haters… or whether it’s focus as it’s been lately… where you’re so distracted by other things and you have constantly neglected to build up our match… you’re holding yourself back. That’s not me, or any critic you have in the locker room holding you back, that’s Seleana Zdunich holding Seleana Zdunich back.
I don’t doubt what you’re capable of.
I don’t doubt your pedigree.
You’ve been in the main event of this show before. You defeated Alicia Lukas for the world title for a reason.
Your name and your accomplishments alone gives me enough reason to NOT overlook you no matter how much you’ve slumped lately or how much anyone else may be saying that you don’t deserve this match. I’m not about to make the same mistake against you that many of my old critics made against me back in the day.
But the one thing that I DO doubt is your focus considering how little you’ve even mentioned me or mentioned this match as soon as it was announced, especially after I retained against Maki. Still, I know at the end of the day, how focused you are on this match isn’t my problem because I know EXACTLY how focused I am going to be and for me, THAT is what really matters. I’ve been focused on getting to this match since it was announced. I’ve been focused squarely on you since I defeated Maki and that’s going to shine at High Stakes… just like I am…
I’m going to remain the Bombshells Internet Champion by going right back to the beginning and remembering every ounce of motivation and heart and focus that I had in my soul when I had my big breakthrough moment here… and what I’ve had in my soul ever since then! I’m going to attain a full circle moment that’s going to mean everything to me. As good as you are, Seleana, I’m not about to let you take that from me.
And when I do defeat you again… hopefully you DO learn something positive out of it… for your own sake.
At this point, I shut off the camera… and from there, I continued to reminiscence about where it all began for me right here in this very city...
