CALEB STORMS AGAIN?
Narrator: Welcome to my opening comments on today’s presentation by Bill Barnhart. It appears Bill has the pleasure of facing off against Caleb Storms again. I don’t wish to step on Bill’s comments so I’ll stop and let you hear what Bill has to say.
We tune in with Bill and Bea Barnhart, and their English Bulldog Iris, relaxing in their hotel room located near the Park Theater in Las Vegas, Nevada. Both are casually dressed while Iris, as always, is wearing her pink diamond-studded dog collar. When the cameraman informs them they are live broadcasting they begin their comments.
Bill: Before I launch into comments concerning my upcoming match against Caleb Storms I’d like to say CONGRATULATIONS Bea on your fourth win in four matches against Violet Amelia Holt! HIGH FIVE!!!
Bill and Bea jump in the air and HIGH FIVE while off the ground and then they land and return to sitting on the couch.
Bill: Would you like to say something to Violet?
Bea: Damn right I have something to say to her! Violet you ran your mouth again at Climax Control 283 and I shut your mouth when I tossed you into the Coffin, slammed the lid, and locked you inside of it for the win. You stated you’re a better wrestler than me yet you lost to me FOUR times in FOUR matches. You claimed you’ve had more top matches than me and maybe you have but I don’t keep track of the matches others have unless those matches are leading up to them having a match against me. The fact remains that you’ve lost to me four times in four matches which means I’m better than you and always will be. Thanks for allowing me to make comments Bill.
Bill: You deserve it for how you owned Violet again.
INCIDENTS WHERE BILL GREW UP AS A CHILD
Bill: Growing up at the house at 4263 Saint Andrews Road in Oakland, California, was interesting. Our house wasn’t large by square feet of living space at 1,700 square feet but it did have a yard about 2 acres in size. Behind our home was the Oak Knoll Naval Hospital facility which was later renamed Oakland Naval Hospital. When us kids jumped over our back fence we were on the Naval Hospital property. We often snuck into the living facilities for Sailors stationed there. Back then they had beer vending machines and for 50 Cents you could purchase a beer like you purchase a soda from a vending machine. Yeah we got caught several times but the Sailors were nice and let us go with a mild warning.
Bill laughs out loud at remembering those adventures.
Bill: There was an interesting interaction between my father and our neighbor next door. My father was noise attentive and he was referred to as a “light sleeper” meaning the slightest noise would wake him up from his sleep. The neighbor next door at 4301 Saint Andrews Road had chickens he kept in coups (cages) in his backyard and he had a Rooster that was free roaming. That damn Rooster would start crowing before sunrise and this was often around 3 to 4 a.m. and it would wake up my father. One day my father had enough and he went next door to talk to the neighbor. The neighbor complained about my father complaining about his Rooster and told my father the Rooster was his pet. My father replied, “DAMN! Then put him in a cage and have him sleep in your bedroom, or under your bed, so that he will wake you up instead of me!” After that incident I don’t remember hearing the Rooster crowing and disturbing my father again. I never found out what happened to that Rooster and I honestly don’t want to know.
Bill picks up a can of Classic Coke, pops the top, downs the soda, then crumples the can and tosses it across the room where it lands neatly in the trash can.
DON’T FORGET YOUR PAST
Bill: Caleb do you remember our first match? It was at Climax Control 247 and it was a Rock & Street Fight Roulette Rules match. I won by pinfall in case your memory doesn’t go back that far. Now you signed on for a match against me at Climax Control 284? Apparently you didn’t learn your lesson from Climax Control 247 so I have to school you again. By the way, Caleb, are you familiar with the Norwegian term UFF DA? I’ll explain it to you so there is no misunderstanding on your part. There is a saying, or exclamation if you want to call it that, in Norway and the saying is UFF DA! To give you an idea how the saying is used it means a variety of things including shit, damn, crap, d’oh, etc. If the cartoon character Charlie Brown was Norwegian instead of uttering GOOD GRIEF he would utter UFF DA! One time I went with a friend of mine, who was Norwegian by heritage, to a meeting of the Scandinavian Club. Although it consisted of members from all Scandinavian countries the main speaker for this particular event was Norwegian. He gave all the standard definitions that UFF DA could be translated into but his final definition of the term, or exclamation UFF DA, was classic. He said “Imagine you’re trying to carry ten gallons of shit in a five gallon bucket. Now that’s UFF DA!!!”
Bill lets out a hearty laugh before downing another can of Classic Coke.
Bill: Caleb you know by now that me and Bea are going to be facing The Black Sheep for the Mixed Tag Team Championship at High Stakes X. I won’t go into the reasons for the attack by me and Bea at Climax Control 283 except to say all the crap being said about us pissed us off and we took action and we let our pent up steam out during the last show. Not like we haven’t been attacked by nearly everyone on the Roster so all I’ll say about that incident at Climax Control 283 is that shit happens. So, Caleb, you apparently have the goal to defeat me in our match so that when High Stakes X rolls around I won’t be coming off a win when going into our Mixed Tag Team Championship match. Nice try Caleb but remember Climax Control 247 and the results of that match as you’ll repeat your loss to me at Climax Control 284.
Bill pauses his comments for a moment then continues.
Bill: Caleb you’re one of those wrestlers who challenges everyone and loses more often than you win. You insult people, attack people, threaten people, but most of your opponents hand you your ass on a platter and you walk away with another loss on your record. Our match at Climax Control 284 won’t be different for you as you’ll lose to me again. I’m sure you’re hoping that Kris and Mikah, or their friends, will show up at the ring and interfere in our match by attacking me and Bea. If that happens so be it. The Referee will disqualify you for having interference in the match and you will still take a loss to me.
Bill smiles into the camera.
Bill: Caleb I want you to remember the stories I told about my childhood growing up at 4263 Saint Andrews Road in Oakland, California. I told you that us kids would hop our back fence and trespass on the Naval Hospital facility and purchase beer from their vending machines. I told you the Sailors who caught us were nice and let us go with just a warning. Trust me when I tell you that you’re trespassing on my space of being a talented, desired, admired, and accomplished wrestler in Sin City Wrestling. I’ll catch you like I did at Climax Control 247 but I will not be nice and let you go with a warning. Nope. I’ll beat your ass so badly you’ll wish you had gone into retirement before having this match with me. Then once I dispose of you, like our neighbor on Saint Andrews Road disposed of his Rooster and we never heard from the Rooster again, we’ll never hear from you again. Hate to be the one to tell you this, Caleb, but just as Bea outright owns Violet Amelia Holt I, Bill Barnhart, outright owns you! See you at Climax Control 284.
Bill and Bea wave to the camera which is their signal to the cameraman to cut his camera feed. When he does the screen goes dark for a short time and then the Network puts up the regularly scheduled programming for this time slot.
