[Andrew]

SAYINGS

Narrator:  The saying goes that sayings come and go. Some have stuck around for generations and other sayings turn out to last a moment to be forever forgotten. As most of you know Bill Barnhart not only has a successful wrestling career he also does part time stand-up comedy as he feels getting people to laugh is good for their health. We will open with an item that took place on November 14, 2019, which was Bill’s 36th birthday, and before the Corona Virus thing came around, so you can see how Bill Barnhart works in stand-up comedy.

The scene shifts to the Whole World Improv Comedy Theater at 1216 Spring Street NW, Atlanta, Georgia, on November 14, 2019, which was Bill’s 36th birthday, and it was before the Corona virus thing which currently has Whole World Improve Comedy Theater closed for performances. The Emcee approaches the mic to introduce home town favorite wrestler and stand-up comedian Bill Barnhart.

Emcee:  We have a great deal for you tonight! We have with us an Atlanta local favorite, from Lawrenceville, Georgia. He is a great stand-up comic, and an outstanding wrestler in Sin City Wrestling, let’s hear the home town cheers for BILL BARNHART!!!

The crowd roars their approval as Bill stands up from the table he is sharing with his wife, Bea, and he steps up on the stage. Bill approaches the mic and thanks the Emcee for the introduction and he thanks the crowd in attendance for their support. Bill then launches into his stand-up comedy routine for this evening.

Bill:  Most of you know my stand-up routine where I usually make fun of others or make up stories of situations involving well-known people. Tonight I’m trying something new which is giving you some sayings to let you think about them. Some of them you may not get at all. Some may take you some time before the concept hits you. For instance I imagine a man performing oral sex on his Mermaid girlfriend and blurting out SOMETHING TASTES FISHY!

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  You want to know how I can tell if someone is really *bleep*ed up? I can tell they’re *bleep*ed up when a demon tries to take possession of their body and the demon turns and flees from them stating that they are too *bleep*ed up for them.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  My English Bulldog Iris is on a seafood diet. She sees food and eats it!

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill pulls out a can of beer, opens it, and downs it.

Bill:  ALCOHOL! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  For me a balanced diet means a pepperoni pizza in each hand.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  What do you call ghost turds? Boo Shit!

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you're done.

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  If you’re not supposed to eat at night why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  Don’t drink while driving. . .you might spill the beer.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

* loud laughter from the audience *

Bill:  Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  My English Bulldog Iris isn’t lazy. . .she’s just very relaxed.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  Always remember you're unique. . .just like everyone else.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  Quantity is what you count. . .quality is what you count on.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  When you're right. . .no one remembers. When you're wrong. . .no one forgets.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  If you can't see the bright side of life. . .polish the dull side.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  When life gives you melons. . .you might be dyslexic.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill: Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

* light laughter from the audience *

Bill:  You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  What do you call vegetarian meat? Incogmeato

* moderate laughter from the audience *

Bill:  In closing if people are talking behind your back. . . then just fart!

* loud laughter from the audience *

Bill:  Thanks for your support. Keep watching me in Sin City Wrestling!

Bill steps away from the mic and heads off stage to rejoin Bea at their table. Bill shakes the hand of the Emcee and thanks him for his introduction earlier. Bill arrives at his table with Bea where they settle in to catch the performances of the other comedians.

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY

THERE IS A NEW ROULETTE CHAMPION ABOUT TO BE CROWNED

Narrator:  Welcome back to real time. When the card was announced for Climax Control 276 Bill Barnhart received a surprise in that he opens the event with a Roulette Championship Match against O’Malley. This shows that Management has taken notice of Bill’s performance in the wrestling ring and they felt he has earned a shot at the Roulette Championship. It is not a surprise that he received a Championship match, as Bill is Championship quality, but more along the lines that he did not expect to get the opportunity this soon. Bill always tells wrestlers to never turn down a golden offer as the saying goes. I will now turn you over to Bill Barnhart, who is in his hotel room located near the Gold Coast Casino where Climax Control 276 will be held and I will let him tell you the rest of the story.

The scene changes to the hotel room of Bill Barnhart. Bea and their English Bulldog Iris are not in sight so we assume they went out or they are in the other room. Bill is sitting in a large overstuffed chair and he is wearing casual clothing consisting of blue jeans, a black pullover shirt with collar, and black athletic shoes. There is a small table next to the chair and it has a plate with several slices of pepperoni pizza on it and next to the plate are several cans of Classic Coke. The cameraman gives Bill the signal they are live broadcasting and Bill jumps into his comments.

Bill:  The opening to my comments for today was the stand-up comedy routine I did in Atlanta on my 36th birthday on November 14, 2019. The topic of that stand-up comedy routine was to get people thinking about sayings. I assure you that stand-up comedy routine on sayings was the hardest stand-up routine I’ve done to date. Unlike most of my stand-up routines where the subject matter is similar the one I did on sayings jumped around to many topics. Imagine how difficult it was to learn that stand-up routine and not screw it up when in my actual performance before a live audience. Same goes for my upcoming Roulette Championship match against O’Malley. I’m not somewhat ready for this match. I’m not ready ready for this match. I’m absolutely, positively, overwhelmingly ready for this match and O’Malley is going to find that out the moment the bell rings to officially start our match.

Bill reaches over and snags a slice of pepperoni pizza that he quickly eats.

Bill:  Speaking of sayings I want to let everyone know I always say what I mean and mean what I say. Since I stepped foot in Sin City Wrestling I’ve worked hard to earn my way into a shot at Championships. I’m not a wrestler that does what most wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling do which is to demand shots at Championships when they failed to earn it. Demand, demand, demand, without a damn thing to prove they deserve it. Dipshits! My first shot at a Championship in Sin City Wrestling came after I won a match against Joshua Acquin with the winner of our match getting a shot at the Roulette Championship. I had that shot at Griffin Hawkins and the Roulette Championship on October 20, 2019, at High Stakes IX. I didn’t win that evening but I proved to the world I’m Championship material. The second shot at a Championship was against Austin James Mercer for the Internet Championship. That match came as a surprise since I wasn’t, at that time, in the rankings but Management felt I deserved a shot and the Internet Championship. I didn’t win that evening but Mercer knew I took him to his limit and everyone else saw it. To the rest of you on the Roster stop demanding shit you didn’t earn. Just sit the *bleep* down and wait for Management to bring it to you.

Bill again pauses his comments and this time he downs a slice of pepperoni pizza and he washes it down with a can of Classic Coke.

Bill:   Buuuuurrrrrppppp!!!!! Ahhh! That felt good! Speaking of things that feel good I’ll admit when the card for Climax Control 276 was announced, and I saw I open the event in a Roulette Championship match against O’Malley, the current Internet Champion, I was thrilled. This will be my second shot at the Roulette Championship and I’m not gonna allow this opportunity to slip through my fingers. I’m in this match to go to the max and walk away as Roulette Champion. Once I earn the Roulette Championship it will be a hell of a long time before I relinquish it.

Bill downs another slice of pepperoni pizza but doesn’t drink any Classic Coke this time.

Bill:  O’Malley it is time for me to talk directly to you. I cannot sit before you and claim you suck as a wrestler because you don’t. You have proven, over and over, that you belong as a Champion. Also holding two Championships, one in Sin City Underground and one in Sin City Wrestling, is a great accomplishment and I applaud you.

Barnhart claps his hands, in a very slow and sarcastic manner, to show his so-called appreciation for what O’Malley has accomplished.

Bill:  O’Malley although you have accomplishments there’s a major stain on what you have accomplished. Although you possess good wrestling skills, but of course I possess outstanding wrestling skills, you tend to rely on the help and distractions caused by Darcy to get wins in matches. Something I cannot stomach is wrestlers that have to rely on an accomplice to cause a distraction during a match or outright getting involved by interfering in a match. That takes a lot away from a wrestler even if they have good wrestling abilities. If you’re not capable of winning matches without interference or distractions then you shouldn’t be holding any Championship.

Bill again pauses to finish the last slice of pepperoni pizza and this time he downs two cans of Classic Coke before continuing his comments.

Bill:  BUUUUURRRRRPPPPP!!!!!  Oh Yeah! O’Malley let me make this so plain and simple and easy to understand that even you, with your limited mental capacity, will be able to understand. Our match is for the Roulette Championship which you currently hold. I say currently because after our match I’ll own the Roulette Championship. I will defeat you O’Malley. No I didn’t say I might defeat you. I didn’t say I might possibly defeat you. I didn’t say maybe I’ll defeat you. There are no doubts that I’ll defeat you and that’s a fact you have to accept. We have no clue where the Roulette Wheel will land. Although I would love for the Roulette Wheel to land on something like Submission Only, Knockout only, or Hardcore Rules Anything Goes, regardless where the wheel lands I’ll win. Why? I’m a damn better wrestler than you can ever hope to be! I can deal with any type of match as I have, on several occasions, mentioned to the viewers. If I managed to survive and win most of the vile evil demonic sick twisted and life-threatening matches I had against my half-brother Chris Shipman you’re an easy opponent for me. Even on the official Climax Control 276 Card the information presented for our match says the same about me. I will quote it for you in case you have a difficult time reading and comprehending.

Barnhart holds up a copy of the Climax Control 276 card and he reads the match information for his match.

Bill:  Yes, O’Malley, some of what is listed as information for our match pertains to you but after it states that you earned one Championship in Sin City Underground and then the Roulette Championship in Sin City Wrestling but after mentioning you obtaining the Roulette Championship it says. . .But now that he's won the title, the hard part comes next -- he has to KEEP it! And his first defense is against a ring veteran and one of the toughest men in the sport bar none - "Bulldog" Bill Barnhart!  Did you get that O’Malley? Did you comprehend that? ONE OF THE TOUGHEST MEN IN THE SPORT it says. If you don’t believe me there are two people you can contact to verify what I said about having the most vile, disgusting, demented, demonic, and life-threatening matches against my half-brother Chris Shipman. One would be for you to try to find Chris Shipman and ask him if I’m telling the truth about our matches in Asylum Wrestling Alliance. The other person is Goth who was Owner of Asylum Wrestling Alliance and he will tell you the same thing I did. No I haven’t paid off Goth to say something nice about me. Ask anyone who was in Asylum Wrestling Alliance with us and they will confirm that Goth hated me nearly as much as my half-brother Chris Shipman did. So here’s what I want you to do O’Malley. Keep that Roulette Championship Belt shined up for me. I want that Belt so damn shiny I can see my reflection in it like I was looking into a mirror. Yes, O’Malley, you heard me correctly, I’m the wrestler who will leave our match as the Roulette Champion.

The door to the hotel room opens and we see Bea and Iris, their English Bulldog, walk into the room. Bea notices the cameraman in the room so she takes a seat next to Bill to listen to what he is discussing concerning his upcoming match. Iris scoots over to the table where the plate of pepperoni pizza was located and she starts sniffing strongly to take in the smell of pepperoni pizza only there’s no more pepperoni pizza on the plate.

Bill:  Sorry, Iris, but the pepperoni pizza that was on the table is gone because I ate it. There’s more in the kitchen and Mommy Bea will give some to you when I’m done with my comments for my upcoming match.

Iris gives Daddy Bill the sad look but it doesn’t work to get Daddy Bill to change when she will receive her pizza.

Bea:  What have you discussed so far?

Bill:  I opened with the video of my stand-up comedy act in Atlanta on my 36th birthday on November 14, 2019, where I did a skit concerning sayings. I discussed that I’m not a fool like most wrestlers who demand shots at Championships without earning it. I discussed that I was pleasantly surprised to see I have a shot at O’Malley and the Roulette Championship to open Climax Control 276. Before you walked in I had to lay it out for O’Malley why I’ll walk away as Roulette Champion. Do you have anything to add to my comments or would you prefer to run into the kitchen to satisfy the never ending appetite of Iris?

Bea:  Iris can wait. I’ll add some comments. First I would like to comment on our Mixed Tag Team match against Kris Ryans and Mikah, The Black Sheep, that we lost. You have to realize, Bill, that had you not run into the ring without being tagged in I would have defeated Mikah and we would have won the match.

Bill:  What? Are you serious or joking with me?

Bea:  I’m being serious. Me and Mikah were going at it and next thing I know the Referee was ordering you out of the ring for being the illegal wrestler in the match at that time. Why did you do that?

Bill:  I was tired of Kris and Mikah bending the rules so when the match turned ugly I decided if they could stretch the rules so could our team. The way I saw things whether I was ordered to leave the ring or not Mikah had you for the win. You have to accept that.

Bea:  Yeah you’re right Bill. Sorry for my comments. I really thought I could take out Mikah on my own but I miscalculated her.

Bill:  Bea you are still new to the sport of wrestling. You gain experience every time you step into the ring for a match. One day you’ll dominate the Bombshell Division. I did some calculations and it came out as follows. I have 18 years experience in wrestling which is currently over 216 months. You have 6 months in wrestling which is about 3 percent of the experience I have. I felt you were in trouble in the match against Mikah and the adrenaline kicked in and I jumped into the ring. I shouldn’t have done that but I did. It is behind us and in our next Mixed Tag Team match things will be different. Before you take Iris into the kitchen for her pizza can I ask her a question?

Bea:  Sure.

Bill:  Iris when we moved to the Atlanta Metro area you ended up having a crush on Uga the English Bulldog who is the Mascot for the University of Georgia in Athens, Georgia. Now you seem to have a crush on Pete the Cactus, who lives with Senor Vinnie, and you seem to have forgotten about Uga the Bulldog. You can’t have both Iris. You have to think about this situation and make a decision of either Uga or Pete.

Iris cocks her head back and forth but her sniffing the air shows she’s more interested in the pepperoni pizza in the kitchen than paying attention to Daddy Bill’s comments. However Iris perks up and pays attention when Daddy Bill places a poster of Uga the Bulldog on a stand and a few feet away from it a poster of Pete the Cactus on a stand.

Bill:  Okay, Iris, it is decision time. Are you gonna take Uga the Bulldog or Pete the Cactus? You can only choose one of them.

Iris stands between the two posters and she looks at Uga then Pete and back and forth. She finally walks up to the poster of Uga the Bulldog, places her nose against the poster and snorts at the poster.

Iris:  *SNORT*

Iris then turns around facing her butt to the poster of Uga and Bulldog then she kicks her feet back and knocks the poster over. Satisfied with herself Iris prances over to the poster of Pete the Cactus and starts drooling and sighing and licking the poster. That’s enough for Bill and Bea now that Iris has made her official decision.

Bea:  Come on Iris! I have pepperoni pizza for you in the kitchen!

Iris never has to be told twice there is food for her to eat. She races into the kitchen ahead of Mommy Bea and she sits there panting and moaning begging for her pepperoni pizza.

O’MALLEY’S LAST MOMENTS AS ROULETTE CHAMPION SHOULD BE CELEBRATED

Bill:  Well, O’Malley, we have a short time before we step into the ring and open Climax Control 276 with what will go down in history as the best match of that event. I know what you’re thinking too. You hope you can disqualify yourself when you know I’m about to defeat you for the Roulette Championship so you lose the match but not the Belt. I hope the Roulette Wheel lands on a spot that specifies if you get yourself disqualified you’ll lose the Roulette Championship to me. If it doesn’t land on that spot then I’ll just have to quickly, soundly, and thoroughly, defeat you so that even a blind person in the arena will be able to “see” how easily I defeated you to become Roulette Champion. Also, so you cannot claim you were not warned, if the Roulette Wheel lands on a spot that doesn’t allow for interference in the match then Bea and Iris will keep a close watch on Darcy. One wrong step, one wrong move, one illegal attempt, on her part and Darcy gets taken out. If it lands on something Hardcore where the rules are thrown out the window then we’ll have a match that really represents what a Roulette Rules Match should be. What’s the bottom line O’Malley? I’m gonna kick your ass so hard it’ll take you several months to grow back a new one. Enjoy your time as Roulette Champion leading up to our match on August 16th because I’m dethroning you as Roulette Champion. I’m seriously celebrating your final days with the Roulette Championship in your possession. Once I’ve earned the Roulette Championship I’ll do all I can to become the longest-reigning Roulette Champion in Sin City Wrestling. People like Equinox, Goth, James Tuscini, Kristopher Ryans, and Griffin Hawkins, will all watch their long runs as Roulette Champion evaporate into nothingness after I surpass them all with my Championship reign. That’s all I have for you today O’Malley but I damn sure have a lot more to give you during our match on Sunday. Thanks for watching and listening. Now please return to your pathetic life. HAR HAR HAR!!!

As Bill is laughing loudly the cameraman notifies the Network that Bill is done with his comments. They tell the cameraman to remain focused on Barnhart and that they will switch the broadcast back to regularly scheduled programming. A few moments later the scene shifts to regularly scheduled programming.

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