[SenorVinnie]

 Internet safety

Voice: Hello,

Silence

Voice: I already hear you think, another campaign for an internet security program? Another program that claims to be better than any other security program that our competition puts out on the market?? And the answer to these questions is simple… yes… and again no.

Silence

Voice: Yes this is another campaign to persuade you to choose for our services and no this isn’t something that our competition can offer you. Why you may ask?? Well when you decide to subscribe to V-Cacti you will realize that we do not have any competition to begin with.

Silence

Voice: Still not convinced?? Need more arguments?? Obviously we can deliver whatever you need to never look back. Take this example for instance:

The shot opens up where we see a computer and a puppet in front of it. The puppet looks like Austin James Mercer as it has a plastic version of the internet championship belt hanging on the background of the shot.

Voice: We know many internet users that are too clueless of what danger is out there, we have found this volunteer to showcase how stupid some people can be. We call this subject err volunteer Austin. This to protect his true identity, as we do not wish his relatives and friends to point at him and tell him how stupid he really is. And who calls their son Austin these days??? Exactly, those who do not know the existence of V-Cacti.

The shot zooms in on the Austin doll, we can see that he is wearing glasses from the 50’s, causing the eyes to nearly bulge out.

Voice: Our Austin has been an internet junkie, a man that wants to prove to everyone that the internet is safe and does not need to be protected for internet fishing, viruses and obviously internet hackers. And why does Austin think that I hear you ask yourself?? Simple, Austin is a kind hearted fool that believes in honesty and people that will ask you permission before sharing your pictures, programs or videos. Because who wouldn’t want to be share everything with the world???

Silence

Voice: Austin is a simple minded fool, who likes to put everything on his cloud. Because he is confident that nobody can hack his password. Because who would have guessed that 1234567890 is the most used combination by dumbasses like this man???

Silence

Voice: Now I can understand that you are telling yourself that this man is a moron, but why would you pick V-Cacti instead of any other program out there. Well that’s simple, first of all V-Cacti will not ask you to buy a new version after one or two years. We will update and protect your computer for free.

Silence

Voice: Now of course you are telling me that this is too good to be true. Why would we give something away for free??? Of course not you dumb fucks, there’s a one time only payment of 1000 bucks. But before you start to complain, this is for life and when V-Cacti enters your internet, like Senor Vinnie enters your wrestling viewing pleasure every single week. That once you are hooked,k you will never want to go back.

Silence.

Voice: But Austin is a cheap ass prick, never want to pay anything that he believes is stupid and quite…..

Vinnie: PETE!!!!!!!

Suddenly we see Senor Vinnie wake up from a dream screaming out the name of his companion the cactus Pete. He looks at the potted plant that is on his bed next to him as he is wearing a doctors outfit. The camera turns his attention towards Vinnie, who has big pins stuck inside his head.

Vinnie: What the hell are you doing Pete???

Pete: …..

Vinnie: Why in the hell are you trying to execute acupuncture on me Pete!!! Especially in the middle of the night???

Pete: ……

Vinnie rolls his eyes to the answer that his friend has given him.

Vinnie: You are avoiding my question Pete, of course its in the afternoon in Australia. But that does not explain why you are using my head as a pin cushion!!!

He raises his hand to pull out some of the pins out of his head while listening to Pete’s “explanation”

Vinnie: Why are you trying to investigate my dream pattern??

Pete: ….

Vinnie: You are curious why I utter Austin James Mercer’s name in my sleep??? I do not utter his name in my sleep!! I….

Pete suddenly presses on a play button to a tape player that is next to him and we can hear Vinnie muttering something about Austin James Mercer and internet protection called V-Cacti. This causes Vinnie to be silent for a few moments as he scratches his head and searches for an answer.

Vinnie: That’s…..

Silence

Vinnie: Uhm….

Silence once more.

Vinnie: Oh you know!!! You are looking too far into something that isn’t there Pete. I….

Pete once again presses play and we hear the marketing idea of paying 1000 dollars one time only for something that will be free for the remainder of usage. This causes Vinnie to look weird towards Pete.

Vinnie: Pete?? You have to tell me. How in the hell did you manage to record this while putting pins inside my head??? I know you are capable of pressing one button, but this tape recorder is old fashioned and you have to at least press two at the same time. I….

Pete shows Vinnie a fake thumb and finger that is attached to a fork like object, this catches Vinnie by surprise and realizes that Pete is more inventive than he had imagined.

Vinnie: Pete!! You are amazing, yet disturbing. Why didn’t you tell me that I was having clearloy nightmares about Austin James Mercer???

Pete; …..

Vinnie: You are telling me that this has been going on for months now??? What kind of friend are you??? A real friend would have stepped in and done something. I….

Pete: …..

Vinnie becomes silent for a moment as he digests the answer of Pete and scratches his head.

Vinnie: You are telling me that you are using acunpuncture for months now?? Oh my God, that explains a lot.

Vinnie thinks back to the many mornings that he woke up and catches his bed sheets and pillow case covered in his own blood. He looks around the bedroom before turning back to Pete, who has a stethoscope hanging around its neck, something that for some reason has not been caught before since waking up.

Vinnie: What do you mean you want to investigate my breathing pattern??? I am quite healthy PETE!! I…

Pete: ……

Vinnije sighs as he nods his head as he sees Pete use the fork finger/thumb object that he had shown earlier and uses it to put the cold object to his chest near his heart. Then he “tells” Vinnie to inhale deeply before exhaling again and repeat this a few more times in the process.

Vinnie: And Pete?? Is it serious???

Asks Vinnie after feeling the cold object being pulled away from his heart as this leaves him a sad feeling. As he has quite enjoyed the cold sensation for some stupid reason but refuses to look deeper into this weird sensation.

Pete: …..

Vinnie: What do you mean I have to lose weight??? I am not Iris that gets fed fattening food that you give her every single day???!! I…

Pete: ….

Vinnie’s eyes slowly grow as huge as coins, clearly not believing what Pete told him.

Vinnie: What do you mean I am 900 pounds???!!! I ….

Vinnie looks down to his body and sees that he has turned into a fat monster when suddenly

Vinnie: PETE!!!!!!!

Again Vinnie wakes up, clearly he dreamt that he was dreaming about Austin James Mercer and that he was being helped by Pete with an acupuncture session. He looks around the bedroom as everything is complete covered in darkness. At the foot end of his bed he sees Pete sleeping in his very small sized bed and scratches his head. He quickly looks down at his upper body and sighs of relief realizing that he has not turned into an 800 pound monster. He then quickly feels the top of his head and doesn’t feel any pins stuck inside his head as well.

Vinnie: I must have dreamt about all of this, Pete is nowhere near a doctor that can try to cure me with acupuncture. He is too weak to blow away a feather, let alone use a weird device with a finger and a thumb. I need not to worry so much and go back to sleep.

Vinnie dozes off again as the camera zooms in on Pete, who is wearing a doctors outfit with a stethoscope. Slowly rising off of his bed while having a pin stuck inside of his head as the shot slowly starts to fade to darkness


The Internet Troll has struck

We enter the Staggs Dungeon where we see Senor Vinnie seated in a corner, resting his arms across the middle rope and stares towards the turnbuckles across him. Relaxing from some practice routines he and Bill Barnhart went through to prepare them for their up coming matches at Climax Control. Bill has left a few moments ago as he had to check on his dog Iris, who refused to leave due to Pete’s presence. But ultimately had to listen to her boss Bill.

Vinnie: You sure have a way with women don’t you Pete??

Vinnie smiles, not really listening to his friend the Cactus his response. No Vinnie has other intentions on his mind and he succeeded on the last Climax Control. Getting under the skin of Austin James Mercer, the man that he had targeted after his last few matches. It took two separate occasions before apparently Austin had enough

Vinnie: Even you would succeed Pete, I’m just surprised it would be this easy.

He smiles, remembering how Austin ran out during Vinnie’s match with Jack Washington and cost Jack the match by Disqualification. Granted, Vinnie would have preferred to pin or make Jack submit, but in the long run this was even more satisfactory for him. Knowing that he has struck a nerve with Austin this past week. He closes his eyes and sighs, letting his fingers gently stroke the ropes as he lets them run up and down them.

Vinnie: I can only imagine how people were attempting to talk some sense into you Austin, I mean you are the glue that keeps the entire Wolfslair together isn’t it?? Because let’s face it, targeting Alex would have been less fun, because we both know how self-destructive he can be no?? At least he would stoop to any level to anger whomever it is…. But you??? No for you this is new territory is it not??? To lower yourself to the level of the unknown…, how wonderful.

He re opens his eyes as it possesses a glee of true pleasure, the corners of his mouth slowly rises upwards as to show a sinister grin.

Vinnie: The unknown, the one thing that already has made you make mistakes Austin. And I was so surprised to see you crumble under the apparent pressure that you are on are you not?? Like me keeping my cactus away from our future matchup…, now please remind me Austin?? Last year’s Summer XXXtreme… the night where I wedded and beat you for the gold…, Pete was in Mexico City…. Nowhere to be seen…. Did I not beat you fair and square?? Did I not make you submit in the middle of the ring?? The night where I made you decide to go on a path of…. Shall we say soul searching?? The pleasantries of it all was quite astonishing. But I know you were waking up late at night in a pool of your own sweat. Realizing that you did not expected to lose the belt against someone so undeserving like yours truly.

Ah how wonderful life can be is it not??

He slowly raises a hand to his mouth and wipes off some sweat from his brow, letting his finger tips trace a path of sweat down to his cheek until he comes in contact with his mouth. Softly licking his own sweat as in to absorb it as a glass of water.

I could go on for hours and hours about you Austin, but that would undermine the fact that I need to say praise to a man that has been a great champion. A man that has done so much more than either of us combined when it comes down to championships and reigns… a man that I could very well utter out that he is the first ever Former World Champion that I as a former World Champion in this organization will face….. I’m sorry if he undermines you for that glorious occasion Austin. But I guess not everything in life revolves around YOU doesn’t it??

But don’t start to run your mouth, please do not tell the world that I am merely a cactus loving fun guy with no brain and care for the feelings of others Austin… Because I do…, I just only care about those who matter senor…. And that would be the one that I shall be facing this week on Climax Control

Shocker!!!

Vinnie places his hands upon the side of his face and does a mocking look of utter shock as if he has seen the demise of the universe….. or perhaps this would be the reaction he would make watching every episode of The Marine….. only to slowly shaking his head and changing his demeanour back to what we have grown accustomed of from him.

Vinnie: Welcome Kris…, welcome to the momentous occasion that in normal life would have been crowned a Main Event Match of the ages. Where bookers with a normal sized brain and actually use them would not degrade our star power in this organization for being a warm up match for whatever other joke that comes after us. But I guess Jack has had a sore spot of accepting failure before his pathetic attempt of gaining a world championship title from Ben… I know that Mark and Chris would be even hoping that the ratings would even reach 500 subscribers after 99,9 percent of every watching fan have turned their attention after WE stole the show. But I guess that’s what you get when you allow a joke to run the show is it not???

Oh how interesting of a concept your response shall be, the man with the fluid ability of the slip of the tongue will utter so many other verbal pleasantries that would make any Presidential candidate sow his mouth shut in shame, as they all are unable to pass the dictionary after the word bollocks.

And yet I have to praise the world for this momentous occasion, that I am graced to share the ring with someone who used to grace our federation with greatness. Who used to be the crème de la crème. Only to accept the fact that even YOU cannot always get what you want senor…. Perhaps hoping for Austin finally succeeds in learning his crash course of how to interfere in wrestling matches for Dummies. You know the one where you can use crayons instead of actually something that would show you got talent???

Vinnie starts to chuckle sinister

Vinnie: I know that these words are contested by merely an ego of the size of the universe that cannot even fit inside anyone’s head…. Statements that needs to be proven in the six sided ring… A dangerous thing to say when you haven’t tested the shark-infested waters is it not???

But where’s the joy in playing safe like….

There’s a cynical smile upon the face of Vinnie as he suddenly stops mid sentence, not wanting to reveal the name of who he was suggesting to.

Vinnie: I almost gave in to temptation did I not?? It’s too easy to continue the ridicule the supposedly good name of a man that wishes to look back upon his life and can claim that he has done everything that those who he respected have done the as well. Merely trying to become a copy cat to the likes of the greats, knowing that his existence is merely a fluke and a rip off. But that’s what you get when you place an asterisk behind your own name is it not…. Austin?? Oh hell, now I ruined the suspense of every three year old that was promised to stay up a while longer by their pathetic parents. In the hopes of learning something valuable that only greats like ourselves can teach is it not Kristopher???

I see my life as an education on two legs, I see the teachings that are on the wall. Yet I never shall lose value of historical importance… whereas the crumbling walls of yesterdays past are nothing more than an afterthought. Just like many wrestling careers in this company that just sit here… using every possible way to hold on to a last thread of hope to one day reach their historical potential. History is often remembered by repeating themselves over and over again isn’t it??? In good and of course in bad.

There’s a silence for a moment Vinnie is staring at the timekeepers clock that hangs high in the arena where the digits are all on zero. His eyes are fixated upon it as his attitude has changed from the fun earlier on to a serious one.

Tick Tock…, it’s quite obvious that time has got a way of catching up on everyone isn’t it?? The hour glass that ultimately catches up on you and passes you by without looking back and wondering whether you can keep up or not. Making me wonder whether on what alternate timeline you have got on once more Kris??? Are you still ahead of the inevitable?? Or are you just using everything in your power to hold on to a final straw of life?? Now of course the cocky son of a bitch that you are will either tell me that I am stupid, that you have yet to reach the pinnacle of your career and that I am beneath you…. Or perhaps you would take a dump and sit there in the filth that you are?

Now don’t get me wrong senor…, obviously it is my duty to talk you in a corner, merely to get a reaction… It’s what you American’s like to call trash talking no?? Trash…, how ironic to go from a trash Internet champion to talk down a man that is superior to many…. But that’s the problem isn’t it?? Many is because you have faced them probably before or are on the level of Austin James Mercer or beneath him…. But then there’s the miracle match that nobody ever knew they wanted until they will get to witness the two men that will headline this organization in the future years to come.

Or are we Kristopher???

He shakes his head in disbelief and sighs

Vinnie: That are merely hopeful dreams is it not Kristopher?? I mean seriously, what better hopeful dream is there of a returning star that was long gone.. A name that was almost forgotten, a name that people could not even remember what face is behind it. An entrance song that made people go look back in the history books of this company and wonder how they have possibly forgotten you…. But I will tell you that they are wrong

We never met in the ring, but I know the name Kris Ryans. Jet City with your brother, the man that wore the singles championships. The man that put down everyone out there in this organization feared…. But I am Senor Vinnie Kris… I am the man that nobody respects, I am the man that nobody takes seriously.  I AM THE MAN that will tell Jack Washington that when he somehow beats Ben Jordan… that he is holding that championship belt for me to take back once more……… but until that moment comes I will just merely entertain myself with two former world champions.

He mocks a happy smile on his face as if he has opened a huge gift box and has been awarded the one gift that he has always wanted.

Vinnie: But it’s not about Jack or Austin this week, it’s the clash that should be Main Eventing Climax Control. It’s the clash that has two ego’s of the size of the universe butt heads. The Captain America and Iron Man of this organization and there won’t be any End Game to settle this score. The mere thought that I can set foot inside this squared circle with the man that has done it all makes my mouth water, makes me want to get up early every night and prepare for that altercation. Makes me want to stare you in the eyes and smile every time that you attempt to pin me and I kick out amigo. Because that’s what is ahead of you senor, the man that is destined to be a fluke. The man that has been labelled so often as a joke, a freak and everything in between. Is the man that makes many of you all scream out his name out of pure frustration and disbelief…. And soon, soon I can add your name to that very list. How ironic to see the confidence in my words, the confidence in my eyes while we have never met before…..

Does that make you wonder Kristopher???

Of course not.

Vinnie leans his head back against the turnbuckles and closes his eyes for a few moments.

Because nothing makes you wonder what if?? Nothing makes you upset, nothing makes you a troubled soul inside that squared circle. A man that I respect, a man that I have watched so many times when I was just a wee Vinnie when it comes down to this great sport. I know what you can do Kris, I know what you are all about. And I know that everything that I say is wrong to your listening ears. As if a music critique listens to Nickleback tells Chad Kroeger to shove acid down his throat all to convince him that he will sound just like John freaking Lennon. Because you are Kris Ryans…, the greatest active wrestler that mankind has ever been graced to witness as if their eyes has opened for the very first time….

Do you remember that moment Kris?? It’s been so long that I may have even questioned that same question upon myself. Do you remember?? Does it eat you from within?? Is that why you came back Kris?? Because deep down inside you just never could accept the fact that you deserve to be remembered as a what if?? A what if he had stayed? What if he had won this and done that? What if I shove my foot down your throat and make you count your stinking teeth amigo???

His gaze is locked upon the camera fully as his intensity slowly is increasing.

Vinnie: I cannot have you run around anymore Kris, even though it’s a nice reflection of how SCW and wrestling used to be in general when you ran the ship into the ground. Remembrering the smart and vile remarks that made you a household name, but seriously Kris.. no matter how successful you may get in this company once more. It still damages your legacy, it still puts you down into the mud. Knowing that in a year of so in the future, the same what if notion pops up inside your head. And let’s be honest, beating nobodies of the mid card roster like our current one half of the SCW mixed tag team championships multiple times is not much of a feat that would revive your career son. But be my guest, if you wish to settle the score with nothing more than stuff like that?? Then I am certain putting another dent in your career will only mean something for me in the record book of mine.

Former SCWE World Champion against Former SCW World Champion. The only thing worth mentioning of bringing you back out of the anonymity of your existence. Anonymity is what is your future once more and that will not change anything Kris…, because anonymity is what you have become in this wrestling industry. And winning a shot at a title anywhere int his calendar year does not change the fact that the OLD KRIS never needed something like that to extend the passing of the hour glass. Because he TOOK whatever he wanted, you??? Oh sure, you can claim that you took the right to challenge for a championship… but you earned nothing yet Kris.

And don’t try to tell me that I do not know anything about things like that…, because I do… ask that to the current shame of a King for a Day…, clueless to what the true definition of royalty is all about amigo. Because I know deep down inside Jack’s gut, he hopes that Ben will be merciful upon his soul…. Something that I will not be with yours. Because in the end, I will cherish the memory that put me over the hump of becoming what I am today… the one thing I know about history…, is that history should just remain that Kris… a memory. A fond reminder of what it once was…. And THAT wwhat you will never be again…,

Adios amigo… enjoy the ride back home

With that the shot fades.