Bodies fill the fields I see, hungry heroes end
No one to play soldier now, no one to pretend
Running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all
Victim of what said should be
A servant 'til I fall
We’re all insecure
Off Camera
New York City
2 Years Ago
I couldn’t sleep. My body felt the weight of the world and the last few days. It ached for the sweet embrace. But my mind. My mind stayed active, racing. I sat up and pushed my head and back against the wall. A small stream of light from outside, the full moon shining between the small opening in the curtains skewed across the floor and up the wall. I pushed off the bed carefully moving across the room to look out from the window of the large apartment I shared with my beautiful wife Sonja.
The thoughts that plagued me weren’t about my career, that was going better now than ever. It wasn’t about money. In between my own success and Sonja’s hard work with the gym we were more than well off. Sonja was pregnant. Just past six months. And now more than ever my thoughts turned from my successes. To my failures. Everything I had gone through. I looked out and down onto the street as the rain fell. It blew sideways with the wind, moving across our window as my fingertips reached out and danced along the cold glass.
I thought about my brother Dylan, my daughter Harley and now my soon to be born son with Sonja. All of them I was supposed to look over and protect. Care for. Love. But Dylan I had let down.I hadn’t seen the warning signs, I hadn’t even considered that he would pass. My mind flashed back to the past, standing in that fucking bathroom, watching Charlie cry and scream. Watching my younger sister who had always been so strong and powerful in the face of her own challenges openly weep for our lifeless, pale and dying baby brother.
I failed him.
And what of Harley?. I see her every few weeks. I hold my daughter in my arms and I tell her time and time again how I love her. And I mean it. But work, life and other commitments mean that I don’t get to see her as much as I want. She has a mother and a stepfather who are there for her. As Sonja is when we’re all together. But I still haven’t been the father I should have been….I look over to the bedside table, a picture frame stands in the middle with me and Harley. Just us. Her hair long and curled with a little smile on her face. She’s too young to know or understand. When she’s older I wonder if she’ll blame me?
I’m failing her….
I close the curtains and move across the floor back to the bed, I slide over the soft sheet next to Sonja. Her long blonde hair flowing down her back as she lay on her side, the blanket pulled up over her growing baby belly. I can’t help but smile. I see one of the straps from her night singlet resting midway down her arm and instinctively move it back up and over her shoulder, my fingers lightly brushing some hair from around her neck to sit with the rest of it. She moves slightly making a small noise before settling back to sleep. Her stomach moving a little. Sonja is asleep but obviously our son is not.
My hand glides under the covers across Sonja’s stomach, I feel a movement, a bulge from an elbow or foot, it moves around a little more, Sonja’s eyes flutter as her eyebrows move down. Then he seems to calm down and settle at my touch, like his mother. I wonder, will I let him down like I have been Harley and my sister?. Or Dylan?. Will the success I have in my professional life help him understand?.
Will Harley forgive me as she gets older?.
My mind burns with questions. My body aches for sleep. But the fact my son, growing inside the beautiful woman I love who saved me. Who took a confused broken man and gave him life, a career and all the devotion and love anyone could ever ask for. Now stays quiet as Sonja does makes me think maybe….just maybe I’ll be ok.
Maybe I am worthy of them after all…..
My heart seemed to calm, my body and mind became in sync as the clock flashed 3am. I let out a small chuckle sliding down into the bed. My hand staying across Sonja and our growing son. I took a deep breath and heard her sweet voice as I started to drift.
“I love you Alex….”
Her hand moved across over the top of mind, out fingers interlacing as she moved back against me getting comfortable. I feel her hair against my skin, her scent reminds me of the early morning summer back home in Texas. Fresh and beautiful. I love her. I love my son, my daughter. My family…
But I always have to wonder after my past. Is love really enough?....
The wolf doesn’t respect his pray
On Camera
New York New York
Present Day
“Sometimes a lack of direction can be an advantage”
Alex looks through his long black hair a smile coming across his face. His hands classed together as he stays sitting with his back against the wall his knees up and his arms balancing on each of his knees coming together in front of him.
“That is what I’ve had. A lack of direction for myself. For everyone else I’ve offered guidance, friendship, leadership. I have been father, brother, coach and guiding light to all who have joined Wolfslair. From the domination of Austin James Mercer as our world champion, a man who defeated the undefeatable, a man who climbed those ranks and became the 1st to hold both the honor and sin city wrestling world titles. Austin had the raw talent Austin had to drive but he did not have the guidance.”
“Then there’s the other staff at the gym. Alicia Lukas. A woman who dominated honor. A woman who came to Sin City Wrestling and straight away continued to go to work dominating the entire bombshells division, becoming the champion, going through the loss of the title in a match that she should never have been in, against an opponent that was not worthy of the championship a few short weeks later she returned a few short weeks later that championship was back in her hands and she went on a run that will never be eclipsed”
“Unless she chooses to do it herself.”
“And the other members the up-and-coming stars that you’ll all get to know soon. Johanna Krieger just showed you a glimpse. A glimpse of the future. Aidan Reynolds and my sister Charlie Jones will continue to destroy people on the independent scene. And of course Travis Levit realising that he could learn more and be better coming to work with us and learn from me and become a member of our group. I offer guidance, I offer direction, I offer truth”
Alex grins again the boys screen shining through his beard and his hair his size deeply his mind flashing back to all of his friends his family and the dominance that they have had not just in sin city but everywhere they have gone.
“But again, in this company I have not had the direction of dominance that I’ve had everywhere else. And that’s because I’ve had to be a leader I have had to make sure others came before me. And I just been to my detriment of a career. I have failed in getting the world title here. Even though I’ve beaten Vinnie, I failed to do it when it counted. And despite what people have said about me, I have still been one of the best in this fucking company.”
“Mark and Christian can see it. They know what they have they know the kind of veteran that they have on their roster and they know it would be foolish to simply overlook me because a few childish mistakes.”
“Hell, the synopsis of the show said it.”
“My contributions to the ring into the company have not been overlooked or forgotten. But the reality is they have been. I have sung the praises and pushed forward the people that I work with to the point where most of you are forgotten that I am the best and most dangerous part of the entire company and my group.“
Alex pushes up off the floor to his feet he felt his arms over his chest and shakes his head with a sigh.
“Now, Griffin Hawkins he much like myself has had a long and distinguished career in a lot of other companies not just this one. But he is the difference between myself and Griffin. Griffin has great title range with championships where he goes up against substandard competition like Mark Cross. I mean, I like Griffin and he is an incredible competitor but he’s made his name off the back of holding me card titles and not elevating that title. Instead he has stayed at that same level he has kept the title at that level and he has faced everyone at that level.”
“But myself?. Either I have been the world champion or I have taken a championship lower than that and raised it to that level I have forced everyone to look at any title I’ve held as the championship in the company it elevates everyone makes everyone better that is what I do that is what I have always done and that is what I would do with the roulette championship.”
“See, when I was in WWH I had a championship similar to the roulette title it was a championship that was contested on a different rules time and time again whether that was a lot of match a hard-core match a falls down anywhere match a cage match Helena cell inferno all of them together. No one gave a crap about that title. Until I made people give a crap about the title.”
Alex points to himself another small smile his eyes Scan across the room to where the titles are hanging from the roof his eyes focusing on the championship in question.
“The roulette title is something that is equal in being unpredictable. You never know what is gonna happen when you get the championship. Help I watched Griffin walk out there looking like a fucking Keibler elf. And now here I am with a shot to take that championship and elevate it from the position of Griffin has been more than happy keeping it in.”
“Now, that isn’t a full shot at Griffin he is a good company man he will do what is asked nothing more nothing less. And you need guys like Griffin on the roster you need guys like Griffin who are happy with their position and the position that a championship they hold is kept in.”
“Again, I like Griffin.“
“Griffin and I are friends, and I do respect what he can do in the ring. The guy is a talented athlete he’s a veteran he knows what he’s doing and I’m not gonna underestimate him. I’m not gonna stand here and say that I’m definitely going to win because even with my huge ego that would be stupid. But I will say I’m better than Griffin Hawkins.“
Alex pauses for a moment his nose cools up with the edge of his mouth the small tilt of the head as he pays his back and forth.
“At Climax control I’m going to do all I can to get my hands on that roulette championship. To finally have a title in this company. See everyone knows it’s a travesty that I haven’t held one the fault is mine in my willingness to look at my friends and push them forward instead of looking after myself. But that ends now. I’m going to stop worrying about Alicia and Austin and Johanna.”
“And it isn’t because I don’t care about them but it’s because my time is now they can look after themselves but Alex Jones? He’s going to take his right spot as THE man in Sin City Wrestling.”
