[Andrew]

 NOT YOURSELF

Narrator:  Most people know that Bill Barnhart is an outstanding wrestler but what they do not know is that Bill is a Philanthropist. That means a person who seeks to promote the welfare of others especially by the generous donation of money to good causes. That is why Bill participates in numerous fundraising events, in contests against his English Bulldog Iris, to raise money for good causes. It does not matter which of them wins as the money raised goes to help others. They have held pizza eating contests, burping contests, and even a farting contest, as fundraisers to raise money for organizations. Today we are going to show you the video of the farting contest Bill and Iris had, as a fundraising event to raise money for Gwinnett County, Georgia, to help single mothers who need assistance in keeping a home, food, clothing, and services, for their family. The event took place on August 19, 2018 at Georgia Gymnastics Academy located at 98 Patterson Road in Lawrenceville, Georgia. Enjoy the video.

BILL AND IRIS FARTING CONTEST FUNDRAISING EVENT

Video of fundraising event from August 19, 2018

The scene opens with a shot of the inside of Georgia Gymnastics Academy located at 98 Patterson Road in Lawrenceville, Georgia, where we see Bill, Bea, and Iris Barnhart sitting at a table in the lobby.

Bea:  Thanks for joining us today. A month ago we had a Pepperoni Pizza eating contest between Bill and Iris at Marcos Pizza on Sugarloaf Parkway in Lawrenceville, Georgia. Bill won the pizza eating contest by one-quarter of a slice so Iris was disappointed and accused Daddy Bill of cheating. Her disappointment was short-lived when the Manager of Marcos Pizza sent Iris home with a large Pepperoni Pizza just for her. When we got home you cannot imagine how quickly Iris downed that large pizza.

Bill:  Today we have a fundraiser where the money from this fundraiser is going to help single mothers who need assistance in keeping a home, food, clothing, and services, for their family. This one is an event men will understand. It is a farting contest between myself and Iris. For those who know Iris understand she can knock a Boeing 747, flying at 40,000 feet, out of the sky with one of her nasty farts, so I am sure she is gonna give me one hell of a challenge. Iris I know you want revenge on me for kicking your ass in the Pepperoni Pizza eating contest but I am here to tell you that you are going down in defeat again! I am confident you cannot out-stinky-fart me today!

Iris growls and snorts at Daddy Bill to show him she is in control of this farting contest.

Iris:  *Growl!* *Snort!*

Bill responds by growling and snorting back at Iris and then he hugs her and gives her a kiss on the nose.

Bill:  *Growl!* *Snort!*  Ha ha ha! You sure are funny Iris. I love you so much let me give you a kiss on the nose. It does not matter if I lose a stinky fart contest, or even next year at our annual Pepperoni Pizza eating contest, because we are doing fundraising for great causes.

Bea:  Are you two ready to rock, or should I say blow some smoke, and finish the stinky fart contest fundraising event for today?

Bill and Iris look over at Bea and then the two look at each other and have a stare-down.

Bea:  Here is how the farting contest fundraiser works. Bill and Iris can eat any of the various and interesting foods on these tables to fire themselves up for their stinky fart contest. We have some great smell-producing foods here today. Pepperoni pizza, sauerkraut, boiled eggs, onions, vinegar, sardines, soda, beer, and a host of other things. When I say GO! you two have a maximum of thirty minutes to do your thing. The winner is either the first person, or dog, to let out a fart that the fans here inside Georgia Gymnastics Academy decide is the worst they have ever encountered, or one of you concede the victory to the other. Ready? GO!!!

Bill and Iris chow down on all the stuff that will enable them to release stinky farts. Bill tries for an early win by bending over, pressing on his stomach, and trying to release a stinky fart. He lets one fly but not a smelly one. Iris takes a different approach by eating and eating and eating and holding it in. Bill tries for another win but again he has not given the food enough time to create toxic stuff inside of him.

Bea:  Ten minutes have passed. Unfortunately no stinky farts have been passed yet. Come on everyone! Get loud and cheer for Bill and Iris!

The crowd starts cheering with half of them cheering for Iris and the other half cheering for Bill. When Iris hears her name being chanted by the crowd she downs a hell of a lot more food to get her insides churning.

Bea:  Twenty minutes have passed. Come on you two you can do better than this. Especially you Iris!

We see a look of betrayal on the face of Bill as it appears Bea is cheering for Iris. He downs a lot of sodas to get the carbonation churning in his stomach. Suddenly, and without any indication that Iris was ready to let go, Iris spins around a few times and she lets out one of the loudest and, without a doubt, one of most vile, disgusting, and toxic farts ever recorded on Planet Earth. Her fart is so nasty that people in attendance are choking and gasping and a few of them have fainted. As the stench from the fart of Iris rise and come in contact with the smoke detectors and fire sprinklers the smoke detectors start sounding an alarm and the fire sprinklers fire off sending a cascade of water down on into the gym and soaking everyone inside.

Bill:  I GASP conceded to you Iris! CHOKE Just me get the hell GAG out of here so I can breathe!

Iris is declared the winner of the stinky fart fundraising contest. The people inside the Gym are desperately trying to get outside. We see the Gwinnett County Fire Department Hazardous Material Clean-up Crew that arrived on the scene.



Bill, Bea, Iris, and the cameraman, get out and walk up to the gate of the dog park. They notice on the signs at the entrance of the dog park that the first warning is AGGRESSIVE DOGS AND DOGS IN HEAT ARE PROHIBITED.  The four walk into the gate and let Iris off her leash to run around. Not thirty seconds of being in the dog park an aggressive dog runs up to Iris snarling and growling and trying to bite her. Iris ignores the aggressive dog but once the aggressive dog bites her Iris takes revenge. She snaps at the aggressive dog and with Iris having a big mouth the bite, although not enough to draw blood on the other dog, did make the other dog regret attacking Iris. The owner of the aggressive dog runs up to Bill to complain.

Owner of Aggressive Dog:  What the hell is your problem? Your dog just bit my dog! Do you know aggressive dogs are not allowed in the dog park?

Bill:  Seriously? You do not know who you are dealing with!

Owner of Aggressive Dog:  I do not give a damn who you are! Your dog bit my dog and I am going to sue you!

Bill:  Oh really? It was your dog that attacked Iris. It was your dog who bit Iris first. It was only after your dog bit her that Iris bit back in self defense. I have this cameraman with me to record everything I do so nobody can falsely accuse me. Let me have him run the video back for you.

Bill has the cameraman run the video of the incident at the dog park. When the owner of the aggressive dog sees that it was his dog that was being aggressive, and it was his dog that bit Iris first, and it was Iris who bit his dog in self defense, he backs down and apologizes.

Owner of Aggressive Dog:  Wow! I am sorry about that. I did not see what happened and I assumed your dog was the aggressive one. I will leave the dog park so there will be no more incidents. By the way my name is John and you?

Bill:  I accept your apology. Thanks for understanding and not escalating the incident. My name is Bill Barnhart. I am a wrestler in Sin City Wrestling and we are having our Climax Control 255 wrestling event this Sunday in Primm, Nevada.

Owner of Aggressive Dog:  Oops! Yeah you were right that I had no idea who I was dealing with. I have watched you wrestle but since you are in civilian clothing, and not your wrestling attire, I did not immediately recognize you.

Bill and the owner of the other dog shake hands and part on good terms. Bill sits down on one of the benches in the dog park to continue his comments for this presentation while Bea plays with Iris in the dog park.

IF YOU ARE NOT THE BIG DOG IN THE FIGHT THEN GET OUT OF THE FIGHT

Bill:  Where Do I begin with you Alex? You are like many wrestlers before you. You were once popular. You were once winning a majority of your matches. You used to challenge for Championships. But what happened? Did you wake up one morning, look into the mirror, and wonder who the defeated and deflated person was looking back at you? Did you finally come to the realization that you went from being on top of the world to being under the feet of talented wrestlers? Is that when you gave up trying to win wrestling matches Alex? Is that when you decided drawing a paycheck, even in a loss, was more important than fulfilling your dreams and satisfying yourself and the fans? Do the wrestling history books now include your name along with names associated as being paid to be permanent losers to ensure other wrestlers got wins? Have you stooped that low in your wrestling career that taking a paycheck to make other wrestlers look good seems like a good idea? Then again maybe you are the true Philanthropist as you like sacrificing yourself for the benefit of others. You need to understand something Jones. In my eighteen years in wrestling I have never taken a dive in a match for the benefit of another wrestler. I have been asked to take extra money to take a dive and I told the Management of that wrestling Federation not only NO! but HELL NO!!! Yeah I got released from a few wrestling Federations for refusing to play the role of Jobber but at least I left holding my head high because I was proud of my decision not to play the fool.

Bea and Iris run between Bill and the cameraman which causes Bill to pause his comments until they are out of camera range.

Bill:  That was an analogy that just ran past the camera Alex. You are like Bea chasing Iris. Even though Iris is a chubby overweight slow-witted English Bulldog there is no way Bea can catch up to her and control her. When we are at home and want to give Iris a bath, which is something she freaks out over, we have to trick her into running into the bathroom to hide from us and then we have her trapped in the bathroom and she has no choice but to get a bath. Even though we are able to divert Iris from diving under the bed in her bedroom to keep us away from grabbing her, hauling her into the bathroom to get a bath, then letting her go again, half the time that is still a better percentage than your wins in the wrestling ring lately.

Iris runs between Bill and the cameraman again chased by Bea. This time Bea manages to cause Iris to run to an area in the dog park where there are obstacles for the dogs to play in, on, and around, and Iris gets stuck between two of the obstacles. Bea grabs Iris, attaches the leash to her dog collar, and she drags Iris to a neutral area of the dog park.

Bill: You are like Iris in the incident you just saw. I will maneuver you where I want you to go during our match. I will keep you so confused that instead of you moving to an area of the ring where you can stay away from, or escape, my assaults you will make the mistake of walking right into them. What is the bottom line for our match Alex? I win our match and you walk away the loser. Oh, come on, you should be used to losing by now as you seem to be so good at it. Har har har!!!

Bill informs the cameraman they are done with comments for their presentation. He then motions for Bea to bring Iris to the gate of the dog park so they can exit and drive back to Primm, Nevada. The cameraman keeps focused on the three until they reach their rental car then he cuts his camera feed so he can load his camera equipment into the car.

END OF PRESENTATION