[Metal Maniacs]

 


Anthrax opens his mouth wide and a hysterical laugh escapes from him as he hurriedly writes down while mumbling...

Anthrax: "Buy lettuce -- and gun...."

Iron Maiden slowly turns to Twisted Sister.

Iron Maiden: "This is going to be the best Turkey Day -- EVER!"

Both women scream in wild glee and grab each other by the throat and fall to the floor behind the chair! Anthrax looks back but sees nothing and calmly turns back to his cooking instructions.



The Swedish Chef theme song plays in the background...

An old-fashioned kitchen setting fills the screen and Anthrax, complete with floppy chef hat and frilly "Bless This Mess" apron stands behind the counter; a large spoon in one hand and a ladle in the other.

Anthrax: "Velcume-a, Velcume-a! Tudey ve-a ire-a in zee-a keetchee-a tu cuok up a sput ouff fuon fur three-a! It is, ouff cuourse-a, me-a, und my deenner guoests, Jeke-a Reab und Stephee-a Cellevey vhu vill be-a juining me-a fur deen deen."

Anthrax tosses both utensils behind him, sending them crashing against the row of pots and pans hanging from above the kitchen sink and falling to the tile floor in a clatter.

Anthrax: "Off cuourse-a furst ve-a muost deescuoss huo ve-a ire-a tu prepere-a zee-a meel, und furst up is ouour leettle-a Stephee-a. Nuo...!"

Anthrax reaches under the counter and picks up a meat mallet and a tomato.

Anthrax: "Off cuourse-a furst ve-a muost deescuoss huo ve-a ire-a tu prepere-a zee-a meel, und furst up is ouour leettle-a Stephee-a. Nuo...!"

And Anthrax brings the mallet down onto the overly ripe tomato, causing it to splatter everywhere! Seeds and juice and the meaty pulp of the fruit (yes, tomatoes are fruits!) go everywhere and Anthrax looks up. A creepy smile on his face and the juice dripping off of his dry and flaking makeup.

Anthrax: "Und ouff cuourse-a ve-a cuon nut furget ouour thurd perty member, ouour feenel guoest in leettle-a Jeke-a Reab. Ouh leettle-a Jeke-a, suoch a lunely buy und zee-a vhule-a reesun I im gled tu infite-a heem intu my leettle-a get tugezeer. Yuou see-a, nubudy reelly leekes Jeke-a. He-a hes zee-a persuneleety ouff zee-a deel tune-a, buot me-a? I zeenk he-a is zee-a meen cuourse-a und zeet is vhy he-a, nut Stephee-a, is zee-a meet ouff zees perty."

Anthrax reaches beneath the counter and picks up a LIVE chicken wrapped in one arm and his free hand holding a meat cleaver. The bird starts struggling and squawking and finally gets free of his grip and flops onto the counter before fluttering off the counter with Anthrax in pursuit!

Anthrax: "Cume-a beck cheeckee! Cume-a beck!"

He dives over the counter after the escaping bird and falls over the other side, landing on the floor with a thurd! First one hand reaches up to the edge of the counter, and then the other. A fiendishly grinning Anthrax slowly rises up and looks left to right, before he reaches back down and picks up a raw chicken from the grocery and slaps it on the counter.

Anthrax: "Zees is mure-a feetting. I ilveys seed Jeke-a Reab hes zee-a breens ouff a deed burd. Und zees brings us tu zee-a cleemex ouff ouour deenner perty!"

And he brings the meat cleaver down into the raw chicken, splitting it in half. Anthrax looks up as his chef's hat drapes halfway over his eyes.

Anthrax: "Yeeh, let us see-a Jeke-a Reab vetch zees sheet und reply tu it! Bork Bork Bork!!"
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