QUALIFIER
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. People of all ages, colors, nations, tribes, and education levels. We have arrived at Climax Control 253 and Bill Barnhart has been assigned a qualifier match against Caleb Storms with the winner of this match moving on in the tournament to face the Heavyweight Champion at December 2 Dismember IV.
The scene opens in the hotel room of Bill and Bea Barnhart, and their English Bulldog Iris, located in Anaheim, California, near the Anaheim Convention Center where Sin City Wrestling is holding their event Climax Control 253. Both are sitting on the couch where Bill is casually dressed in gray sweat pants and a gray sweatshirt while Bea is dressed in blue jeans and a white button shirt. We notice Iris sniffing around the hotel room, as she always does, trying to sniff out smells from previous pets that stayed in the room. With Iris her world is all about smells. Food smells come first then the smell of other animals. We will not get into the horrific smells that come from Iris after she over-eats and lets go toxic farts.
Bill: Thanks for joining us today. At Climax Control 252 there were three matches in the qualifier round and the winners have been set. In the Ben Jordan versus Stephen Callaway match Ben Jordan came away the winner. In the Mark Cross versus Fenris match it was Fenris with the win. In the third qualifier match of Griffin Hawkins versus Austin James Mercer it was Mercer who walked away with the win That left Lachlan Kane, Caleb Storms, or Alex Jones as my opponent in my qualifier match at Climax Control 253. When they drew names it was Caleb Storms who got selected as my victim, I mean opponent, and this should be a good match. Well, okay, a good match for me anyway as I am going to win.
Bea: Although there are many who are not taking Bill seriously in Sin City Wrestling, and less so in this qualifier match, I assure you Bill is ready to tear through those who make it to the Championship match where he will defeat the Heavyweight Champion for the Championship.
Bill: As most of you know, or should know as I have mentioned it numerous times, I am proficient in wrestling, Karaoke singing, Archery, and even the game of Golf where I actually one-upped Tiger Woods at Sequoia Country Club in Oakland, California. Here is the story of what happened that day. I grew up on Saint Andrews Road in Oakland and Sequoia Country Club was close to our home. I went to play a round of golf and I saw Tiger Woods there. Being a huge Tiger Woods fan I approached him to talk with him. He said he was visiting the Bay Area and he wanted to play Sequoia Country Club as he heard a lot of good things about it. I asked if he would play along with me since I am a big fan of his and Tiger agreed and we went off on a round of golf as a twosome.
Bea: I love this story Bill. Tell the viewers what happened.
Bill: We came to the last hole, which is a 440 yard Par 5, and we were tied. On the last hole, since this was the first time Tiger played this course so he was unfamiliar with it, his tee shot went to the right into the rough while mine went in the middle of the fairway. Tiger managed to get his second shot onto the fairway but still over 150 yards from the green. I hit my second shot on the edge of the green. Tiger hit his third shot and came up a few yards short of the green. My third shot lipped the cup and I ended up less than one foot from the pin. Tiger hit his fourth shot and it landed on the green about 10 feet from the pin. I putted in for a Birdie 4. Tiger putted in for a Par 5. I defeated Tiger Woods by one stroke that day. Anyone feeling they are better than me at the game of golf I dare you to bring it on. But enough of being able to brag that I bested Tiger Woods on my local golf course when I was familiar with the course and it was his first time on the course.
Bea: So, Bill, what does that round of golf with Tiger Woods have to do with Caleb Storms?
Bill: A lot similar with those two. Both are good at the sport they are in. Tiger can be arrogant and brag but he has a reason to do so. Of course he never talks about that round of golf he had with e that day but I understand why he is hesitant to talk about it. Caleb is arrogant but I do not see him having a valid reason to be arrogant. When I threw out an open challenge to those who were in the Roulette Championship Match at Summer XXXTreme VII only Caleb Storms answered the challenge and I commend him for that action. On September 15, 2019, at Climax Control 247, I defeated Caleb Storms. Since that loss he has promised to get revenge for losing to me. After I gave Tiger Woods a loss on the golf course he never tried to get revenge on me. He just moved on and kept doing what he does well which is win golf tournaments. Unfortunately for Caleb Storms his name was drawn to face me in the qualifier so he cannot simply turn around and walk away as that would cause him to take a forfeit loss to me.
Bea: I know Bill. So many wrestlers talk smack and cannot back it up. I feel bad for wrestlers like Caleb Storm who can talk a good game but cannot back it up in the wrestling ring. By the way have you come up with closing comments for our presentation today?
Bill: Since we are in a hotel room I cannot do Archery, play a round of golf, or perform in a wrestling ring, but I can do Karaoke of my version of a popular song that everyone should know unless they have been living under a rock.
Bea: What song?
Bill: I will surprise you and the viewers but I will give the lead-in to my performance by stating that I feel Caleb Storms is a cheap wrestler and getting a win over Storms would be classified as a cheap thrill.
Bill walks over to the Karaoke machine he brought with him. He places a CD into the machine and hits the play button. The introduction to the song starts and we immediately recognize it as Cheap Thrills by Sia.
Bill: Here is my personalized version of Cheap Thrills by Sia which I call I LOVE WRESTLING.
Come on, come on, turn the radio on
It's Friday night and it won't be long
Gotta comb my beard, put my outfit on
It's Friday night and it won't be long 'til I
Hit the wrestling ring
Hit the wrestling ring
I got all I need
No I ain't got cash
I ain't got cash
But I got talent baby
Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight
(I love wrestling!)
Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight
(I love wrestling!)
I don't need no money
As long as I am wrestling
I don't need no money
As long as I keep wrestling
Come on come on, turn the radio on
It's Saturday and it won't be long
Gotta raise my glass, then enter the ring
It's Saturday and it won't be long 'til I
Hit the wrestling ring
Hit the wrestling ring
I got all I need
No I ain't got cash
I ain't got cash
But I got talent baby
Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight
(I love wrestling!)
Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight
(I love wrestling!)
I don't need no money
As long as I am wrestling
I don't need no money
As long as I keep wrestling
(I love wrestling!)
(I love wrestling!)
I don't need no money
As long as I am wrestling
I don't need no money
As long as I keep wrestling
Oh, oh
Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight
(I love wrestling!)
Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight
(I love wrestling!)
I don't need no money
As long as I am wrestling
I don't need no money
As long as I keep wrestling
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
(I love wrestling!)
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
(I love wrestling!)
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
(I love wrestling!)
La, la, la, la, la, la
(I love cheap thrills!)
The music stops and Bill takes a bow. He walks over to the Karaoke machine, removes the CD, then turns the machine off. Bill returns to the couch so he and Bea can officially close this presentation.
Bill: Caleb you talked a good game leading up to our match on September 15, 2019, at Climax Control 247. Seems you did not have much to say after I pinned you for the win though. Now we get to face off in a qualifying match to see who ultimately faces, and defeats, the Heavyweight Champion at December 2 Dismember IV. Once again leading up to our match you bark and howl and pee and poop on the floor like a scared little Chihuahua. You are going up against me, one of the biggest dogs in Sin City Wrestling, and your pathetic little Chihuahua self yips and yaps and tries to make everyone think they are a Pit Bull instead of a Chihuahua. Nice try but you failed again. Everyone knows who and what you truly are. Then when I enter the match where the five of us face Senior Vinnie for the Heavyweight Championship I will win and get revenge on Cactus Pete for insulting Iris recently.
Bea: You mean his comment that Iris has smelly farts and ruined his dinner?
Bill: Yeah. That and his threat to beat down Iris and leave cactus pricks in her butt cheeks.
Bea: Well, Bill, Iris does have smelly farts and she did interrupt the dinner of Cactus Pete. She did antagonize him. And if Pete goes off on her and leaves cactus pricks in her butt cheeks she has nobody to blame but herself.
Bill: You are right as always.
Bea: We wish to thank everyone for tuning in today. See you all at Climax Control 253 in Anaheim!
