[Mark Ward]

 Post all roleplays for this match in this thread.

One roleplay per week maximum.
10,000 word limit

Good luck!

[Metal Maniacs]

 
Kew Gardens. The largest and most diverse collection of botanical flora in the world. At well over 330 acres, Kew Gardens plays "host" to the Aquatic Garden, the Bonsai Collection, the Herbaceous Grounds, the Orchid Collection and much more. With libraries and archives, and several tourist features such as a walk-in Hive to give tourists the perception of bees, or varied Plant Houses, there was always something for anyone. It also, however, this day played host to...

Anthrax: Oo! Hey, looky there! The Dung Heap!

Anthrax.

Yes, the crazed clown of SCW was standing up in the Treetop Walkway, his painted face and palms pressed up against the glass to stare down eagerly at one of, if not the, single largest compost piles; compromised of green and wood waste. He pulled his face from the glass, leaving a residue from his tattered makeup on the glass, and smiled eagerly at other tourists who watched him with extreme caution as they made heir own way through, all the while Anthrax oblivious to their fear while he pointed down at the compost, trying to share his excitement.

Oh well. Better luck next time, eh sport?

Anthrax then made his way to the Temperate House, a greenhouse that was the world's largest Victorian glass structure. But as his eyes roamed from one example of floral life to the next, his bright eyes eagerly taking in each one, he could not help but wonder...

Anthrax: Oh I bet Lora West would have loved this!

He looked into the camera and smiled and gave it a wave.

Anthrax: Hi Lora! See? I notice things!

He then went about his way, a man clown on a mission! Muttering all the time as he looked about....

Anthrax: Pretty lady.... pretty, pretty lady....

Anthrax walked up to the display of the Tree pincushion, butting in between two older women...

Woman #1: I BEG your par-

But one ghoulish smile from Anthrax was enough to cause both women to silence themselves and scurry away. He then turned back to the plant which had been grown from seed collected in 1803 and germinated by Kew scientists, Anthrax brushed his hair from his ear and leaned in with an expression of wonder. He smiled and nodded eagerly.

Anthrax: Yes, yes! I know! You've heard of him too? Senor Vinnie? Yeah, the guy who talks to cactus? Strange man, don't you think? Hm? What's that?

He opened his mouth wide and jerked back, staring at the plant.

Anthrax: You can't say THAT in public! There are little kidsies everywhere! see!?

He sweeps an arm wide and looked about -- only to see no children anywhere nearby. He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

Anthrax: You'd think whoever prepared this promo would have been better prepared!

He then by passed the Tree pincushion, all the while giving it the stink eye until he came upon the Feather-leaved Banksia. He tilted his head to one side in a quizzical expression, then with the assist of a handful of his own hair, tilted his head the other way.

Anthrax: What's that? You've heard stories about Vinnie?

He took a step closer and lowered himself down to one knee, and smiled eagerly at the fanned out plant.

Anthrax: Do tell! That he is so lonely and sad that the only real friend he can make is a cactus? And that is secretly why he enjoys the company of Lora West?

Anthrax gasped.

Anthrax: That is so rude! Lora is nothing like a cactus! Wait...

He frowned and motioned toward the plant with his finger, questioning.

Anthrax: Now is that what Vinnie said or just what you heard he said?

He waited, then nodded knowingly.

Anthrax: I seeeeee! Wait, what?

Anthrax looks from left to right, as if a secret was about to be confided in his person. He then leaned closer. Whatever he heard caused him to get a grossed out and horrified reaction.

Anthrax: That. Is. Disgusting! Why would anyone want to do that with a cactus!?

He then gave it some thought and jetted out a bottom lip and asked the plant.

Anthrax: Does it hurt? Never mind! I don't want to know! Sick.... sick...

And of course Anthrax stood up and went on his merry way, all the while stealing a look back at the Banksia and shuddered involuntarily. He then happened upon the Wood's cyad, and smiled while shaking a forefinger at it.

Anthrax: Ohhh, now you... you're almost cactus-like!

He held up two hands in mock surrender, then took a courtly bow.

Anthrax: No offense, of course! It's just I kind of have this issue with this guy with a cactus fetish and... yes. Yes! Senor Vinnie! You've heard of him, all the way in London? Oh I see! He's kind of infamous in the world of flora! Well I'll tell you something. He's kind of infamous where I come from too. Wrestling. Fun times! Playing! You know, he actually uses his cactus friend to hit people so he can cheat to win?

He nodded, a hand on his heart and silently mouthing "I know!" before continuing.

Anthrax: I tell you Woodsy, I was aghast when I heard.

he then opened his eyes in a frown and looked at the plant and shook his head.

Anthrax: No, I didn't take any Beano. No, not gassy! Aghast! You know because the guy treats his friends the way he does? Hit Ty West with Pedro to win? Hit Ty West with a pumpkin to win? Another vegetable, although Vinnie has more in common with a vegetable than most!

He covered his mouth with his fingers and snickered at his joke, nodding as if the plant giggled along with him.

Anthrax: You know I hear cactus are the least popular of all plant life? Hm, oh amongst the SOPHISTICATED plant life! Oh now that makes much more sense! Well I like you, I like all of you here! You've all been so nice to me, that I think I'm going to do you a favor. I think I'm going to play with Vinnie. And when I play, I play rough, and I play by my rules. There won't be much left of Vinnie to violate the plant life around him. And Miss Lora may just have to find a more masculine form of manhood to make her forget about that freak she's been hanging out with.

He puffed out his chest, then looked down sharply at the plant.

Anthrax: No I'm talking about ME! Sheesh!

Anthrax stood up and turned around to find a young couple staring at him. He jetted a thumb back at the cyad as he passed.

Anthrax: Pay it no mind. Strange plant!
</color></size>

[SenorVinnie]

 Senor Vinnie productions presents:

The long awaited tale that you all have been waiting for!!!

A once in a lifetime story!!!

How to water my plant?? A Pete the cactus tale told by Senor Vinnie

Senor Vinnie can be seen sitting at a rather cheap radio station in London England, probably some local radio station that isn’t directly funded by the BBC. It has got two microphones, one for the dj of the radio program and one that is clearly used for guest(s). Senor Vinnie is seen sitting there behind the second microphone, that is clearly really dirty, having some bubble gum sticking on it on the other side of the microphone as well as some flies buzzing around it. But seeing that Senor Vinnie is a constant professional and knows that you cannot always be on the Howard Stern show in the US, or the local Mexican version that he hosts himself every Tuesday evening. Realizing all of that and knowing that he has to alter his expectations, this causes him to accept reality and sit there with a smile on his face. Pete that is on the table next to him has a small headset on as well as a toy microphone that Senor Vinnie had brought along for him as he is listening to the DJ that is called LG.

LG: Okay folks, this is going to be good. I have a Sin City superstar with me and I am not going to tell who. But all of you have had the opportunity to text us to the show and whomever got it right will win free tickets to the show this Sunday. Aaaaaaaaaand will win a meet and greet with the superstar or Bombshell.

He looks at Senor Vinnie and grins.

LG: Let us read the answers that we got send in shall we?? Lets see, okay then. Former World champion Fenris is a clear favorite for the fans to vote upon. But sadly, you are all mistaken. Then we have the following names…., let’s see. Ty West, nope…., Mercedes Vargas?? Nope, neither the lovely and sexy Amanda Cortez.

He looks at the list and realizes that the name of Senor Vinnie isn’t on the list.

LG: Sadly, I cannot find the name of the guest on the list anywhere.

Senor Vinnie is annoyed as he pulls the mic closer.

Senor Vinnie: That cannot be, I know for a fact that Pete actually texted for me and used my name. I….,

LG: Oh yeah, about that. I have to apologize, but employees and relatives or friends of superstars are not allowed to participate in this. So uhm, yeah.

Senor Vinnie: I can’t believe this, get me that list.

He grabs the list out of the hand of the DJ and reads it as his eyes widen as he reads some other names.

Senor Vinnie: Travis Nathaniel Andrews?? Some Staggs fellow?? Who in the blue hell is…. Oh wait, that’s you Pete.

He looks at his cactus as I the plant is telling him something that causes him to roll his eyes.

Senor Vinnie: You had your family vote for you?? But Senor DJ told us that relatives aren’t allowed to vote??

He looks at the DJ who starts to smile nervously.

LG: Uhm, about that. Yeah, I did say that. But I meant relatives from wrestlers, bt Pete doesn’t wrestle. I…,

Senor Vinnie takes off his headphone and pushes his microphone to the side as he starts to whisper to the DJ.

Senor Vinnie: Look I am not allowing some people to fuck me over just because I have a plant okay?? I have got so much on my mind that it is almost impossible for me to accept some

He turns his attention to his plant and takes off the headset and puts a box around him.

Senor Vinnie: Some plant, that even is my best of friend to me to have the res being put in his favor. I man seriously???

LG: Fine man, if that’s the way you feel than I will delete those votes as well. Sucks though, this was the first time we actually got votes from Mexico.

Senor Vinnie takes the box off of Pete and back on his headset.

Senor Vinnie: No Pete, you don’t have to worry. It was just a technical problem that we were having.

Silence

Senor Vinnie: You hearing me say that was the technical problem Pete.

Silence

Senor Vinnie: Of course I am not jealous of your family voting for yo

Silence

Senor Vinnie: The fact that I don’t like your aunt Monica is because she always pinches my cheek when I see her.

Silence

Senor Vinnie: I have told you this a million times!! Don’t pretend as if you are shocked to hear this!!!

Silence

Senor Vinnie turns his attention towards the DJ

Senor Vinnie: I am so sorry for the profanity in the language that Pete sometimes uses, he is very sensitive when it comes down to his family.

LG: Err…, well. We didn’t hear it though, his microphone isn’t hooked to anything.

Senor Vinnie turns his attention towards Pete and taps his fingers.

Senor Vinnie: PETE!!! You told me that you had your wireless headset and microphone attached to the speakers. I am really disappointed that you clearly fucked up by memorizing whether it should have been the AC or the DC that you had to connect to.

Silence

Senor Vinnie: That’s beyond the point!!!
Silence

Senor Vinnie: FINE!!! I don’t like your parrot Lupe, that animal shits the floor every time I see him. As well as always telling me that I got a hot piece of ass!!!

Silence

Senor Vinnie: I know that!! But I prefer to have a lady that has stolen my heart to say that than rather a balding parrot.

Silence

Senor Vinnie: Well that’s interesting, I never knew your parrot is balding solely because he is a rave head???

LG: Senor Vinnie??

Senor Vinnie: What??

LG: I wanted to ask you some questions about your opponent this week in London, about Anthrax.

Senor Vinnie’s eyes widen

Senor Vinnie: Who???

LG: Your opponent?? Anthrax???

Senor Vinnie: Oh he is the guy that seems to be crazy right?? Projecting his humor on me and a defenseless plant???

LG: But….,

Senor Vinnie: A plant I may add has done so many good things for this world than this… this…. how do you call him???

LG: Anthrax??

Senor Vinnie: Like this… I’m going to call him Annie for now on.

LG: But isn’t Annie a girls name???

Senor Vinnie rolls his eyes.

Senor Vinnie: Like that matters??? Besides you are missing the point here.

He takes off his headset and stares into he camera that he is looking at.

Senor Vinnie: Look Annie, I am not sure that you are aware of how I treat weird people?? I put them to sleep okay?? I will sing a lullaby, I will bring you some milk or hot coco if you want to instead. I will tell you a bedtime story as well as I am just walking into rainy London of all places and beat you.

LG: London is  sunny this moment.

Senor Vinnie: Whatever, I am up against a guy that is called after a band and not even a good one. I mean, you!! Name me five songs.

LG: Well there’s

Senor Vinnie: Shut it, I mean who is asking you?? I didn’t wanted your opinion!! Jeez, I only did a rhetorical question. But noooooo, everyone takes it too the point of seriousness. Something that I will be coming Sunday. There I may even stick a cactus inside your shit hole and make you gass upon the stinging sensations that is Pete.

Silence

Senor Vinnie: Stop it Pete!! You had told me that you would do anything to make me look good. And this does it!!!

Silence

Senor Vinnie: Of course I can beat this joker, but I just don’t want to get too injured when I face whomever the champ is at Summer XXXTreme.

Silence

Of course I am rooting for my two amigo’s Ty West and Fenris

Silence

Senor Vinnie: How dare you!! Just because we aren’t on speaking terms at this moment doesn’t mean he doesn’t like me??

Silence

Senor Vinnie: Ty loves me, he treats me as his brother. I am the super star that is just always got his back and always ….

Silence

Senor Vinnie: I’m not going to repeat that on national Radio  what you just said!! But I will show Anthrax a thing or two about respect. And some spiked up ass cheeks, courtesy of Pete

With that he walks off the room and the shot fades