♫ / Home / ♫
♫ / A place where I can go / ♫
♫ / To take this off my shoulders / ♫
♫ / Someone take me home / ♫
12 November 2017
SHOCK
The scene catches up to Jason Halich and Aaron Isaacs moving through the backstage area. They get to a door with the remains of a label ripped off of it. The only letter that remains stuck to the door, is half of the K. Knowing that they are in the right place, they push open the door to find a scene that they were not expecting. The room is still put together, not destroyed, and not looking like a rockstar had stayed a night in it. For the most part, Kris is out of view. As the two members of Jet City enter the room, all they can see are his legs. He has not managed to take of his ring gear, and the majority of his body is hidden behind the wall of the oversized wooden locker.
Aaron Isaacs:
“Well, better than I feared. Worse than I hoped.â€
Jason puts a hand on Aaron’s shoulder to get his attention, and shakes his head without any hint of a smile on his face. Now was not going to be the time to make jokes. If his brother was not throwing a major fit following his second loss, than the situation might be worse than either of them had feared. Jason walks across the room and sits down on a bench that sits in front of the row of lockers. Inside sits his younger half-brother, with a towel over his head, masking his expression.
Jason Halich:
“I know that didn’t go as planned, but that was still a hell of an ovation for Jet City coming back out there. Everyone is excited about the fact that we are back. Calvin Harris can’t really keep no selling your existence either. There are three of them. There are three of us. I think we are better. Don’t let this Crimson shit get to you. Everyone saw what happened out there. The guy couldn’t beat you legit. He had to cheat to do it.â€
Aaron does not approach the lockers at all, not knowing how Kris was going to react. The last conversation that he had walked up on between the two had not gone well. The fact that Jet City was even here was a miracle in itself.
Aaron Isaacs:
“At least it is all in the rearview mirror now. You have to go do your thing on Adrenaline, and then we can get down to business here. Don’t let this mess up your plans man. It is just one guy that has a god complex of some kind…â€
Jason laughs and tries to lighten the mood a little.
Jason Halich:
“I wouldn’t necessarily call it a god complex. The guy seems to think of himself as some force of evil. I remember when I knew someone that was pretty much the same way. He eventually came around too.â€
A heavy sigh is the first sign of life from Kris. For a split second, the other two men in the room are relieved, but the look wipes itself off of Jason’s face when he sees Kris. The former Roulette Champion drops the towel down next to him, and pushes himself up out of the locker. Clearly, he was still worse for wear following the match at High Stakes, but that is not what this was. He pushes himself up out of the locker, and gets to his feet.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I understand what you guys are doing, but I really just want to change, and get on the road. I’m not worried about any of it. I’ll be fine. I always manage to rebound one way or another. Everyone has bad nights. I just want to get this one over with.â€
A year ago, Jason and Aaron would not have taken that answer. Kris could not be trusted to get a night over with without creating a much larger problem for himself, and the people around him. Jason flashes back to the night back in January that he had to scrape Kris out of a hotel for what had to be the hundredth time. They could both tell that something was different about this time though. He was not running from the way that he felt, because it was all over his face. Jason does his best to back off.
Jason Halich:
“We just wanted to check on you. We’re a team, you know? That’s what we do. We have big things on the horizon, and not just here. We just wanted to make sure that you were okay.â€
From the doorway, Aaron chimes in again, but from his tone, both pick up that he is unsure exactly how he fits into the situation.
Aaron Isaacs:
“Did you hear how excited everyone was when we were out there? You can’t let what happened in that match take that away from you. Put that shit aside. You have lost to much bigger assholes than that in the past. You have eve---â€
Kris raises up his hand with his palm facing out towards Aaron.
Kristopher Ryans:
“It’s fine dude. Really. I just want to get out of here.â€
Aaron is caught off guard by it, and looks to Jason for help, but the older of the two brothers just shakes his head. Kris pulls his gym bag down from the top of the locker, and puts it down where he used to be sitting. He immediately goes to work pulling off his pads, and tossing them into the bag with his back to the other two in the room. Jason gets up from the bench, and claps a hand down on Kris’ shoulder.
Jason Halich:
“We’ll wait for you outside.â€
Kris shakes his head again, and takes a shirt off of a hanger inside the locker. He pulls it over his head, and answers Jason without even turning around.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I am going to grab a ride with Mikah. She said that she wanted to talk to me about something.â€
Neither of them were sold on the tone of his voice, but when Aaron opened his mouth to argue, Jason cut him off.
Jason Halich:
“Back at Jet City then…â€
Kris looked back over his shoulder to his half-brother and nodded without a word. Jason patted his shoulder twice and then made his way towards the door. Aaron stepped out first, but Jason followed, slowly and quietly closing it behind him. The two start to make their way down the hall, and Aaron cannot stop himself from saying what they both already know.
Aaron Isaacs:
“So you know that Mikah thing was total bullshit, right?â€
Jason smiles, and nods his head as the two round a corner and head for the back of the arena.
Aaron Isaacs:
“...and you’re cool with letting him go off on his own after all this?â€
Jason stops in the middle of the hallway, and turns to face Aaron. It was a hard thing to explain, but he was going to do his best.
Jason Halich:
“Have you ever lost something that you know you should have won? Something you didn’t want, but that you needed? It’s heartbreaking. It is world shattering. I can’t blame him for wanting to process all of that on his own. It means he is growing up.â€
Aaron points back towards the room, and finally says what they both had to be thinking.
Aaron Isaacs:
“You can’t trust him to do that. Everytime he is left to his own devices, bad things happen.â€
Jason slaps on the same reassuring smile that he had given Kris back in the locker room and shrugs his shoulders.
Jason Halich:
“At some point, we have to learn how to trust him.â€
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♫ / Look, I didn't power through the struggle / ♫
♫ / Just to let a little trouble, knock me out of my position / ♫
♫ / And interrupt the vision / ♫
14 November 2017
DENIAL
His eyes were closed, but there was no hope for sleep. They had forced him to take medication that he was against taking, because that was the only way that he was going to make it through the night of pain. The foggy haze that he was lost in was familiar, and comforting. He ran through the events of the night, and how he was in the middle of the worst week of his life professionally. The match with Crimson had not broken him physically, but had worn his mental state thin. Adrenaline had balanced that equation. Adrenaline had put him in the one place that he hated more than anywhere else. From the constant beeping on the machine monitoring his vitals, to the barely audible sound of announcements being made over the loudspeaker in the hallways, to the footsteps that always seemed like they were coming to his door, but never stopped, he hated it all. He was alone, he was hurt, and to top it all off, he was high.
Kris played the match with Crimson over and over again in his head. Where had he gone wrong? What had he let slip through the cracks? He could not find an answer for it, but he knew that it was there. Something after that had weighed him down. Something had thrown him off of his game. He felt it back in the locker room when Jason and Aaron were there, and he did not want to talk about it then, and he would not be speaking about it to anyone now. It was obvious that something was wrong though. If not, maybe he would not be in a hospital bed.
Dr. Allen:
“Well the videostrobolaryngoscopy looked good. You took a beating that is for sure, but I don’t think that there will be any permanent damage…â€
Kris’ eyes snap open, and he is surprised by the man standing in front of him. He looks between the doctor and the door, and the confusion on his face tells the story for him.
Dr. Allen:
“You must have dozed off in your thoughts. Patients actually complain about that when they are on the type of medication that you are. Almost like they felt like they were still awake, resting their eyes, or just quietly thinking. In reality though, they were as peacefully asleep babies in a crib.â€
Kris raises his free arm and points to his voice box, only having caught part of what the doctor said through the haze. It does not seem like he minds repeating himself though.
Dr. Allen:
“When you came in, I know I said that you may have run the risk of some permanent damage, but things look really good. You definitely took a special kind of beating, and had it gone on for much longer, you might not have been able to ever talk again.â€
It was good news, but Kris still looks away from him. He was not mad about the match on Adrenaline. He could not even blame the people that attacked him for taking advantage while they could. In all honesty, he probably would have done the same thing back in the day. It did not make it any easier to hear though.
Dr. Allen:
“It looks like you got lucky this time around. If you rest, don’t try to talk, and just let yourself heal, you should get your voice back in no time. It might be a little hoarse for a while, and the pain is not going to go away, but we will give you something to manage all of that while you do some voice therapy.â€
The doctor flips on the white backlight for a board on the wall, and goes through the stack of things in his hand before pulling out an x-ray of Kris’ arm. The former champion looks down at his right arm, which is wrapped in a soft cast and pinned to his chest by a sling. As bad as permanently losing his voice could have been, this was the injury that they were all worried about. The doctor clips it up against the wall, and then circles the spot of the break halfway along the bone.
Dr. Allen:
“We originally thought that you were going to need surgery to repair your arm as well. From the way that it was swollen when you came in I was pretty sure that both bones were going to show up as broken on the x-ray.â€
He points back up to the board on the wall, and notes a barely visible fracture in one bone, whereas the other appears to be normal.
Dr. Allen:
“We are going to have to immobilize your arm. That soft cast is not going to work. We are going to have to put a real one on it, but at least I can let you pick your favorite color for it…â€
Kris’ eyes raise to meet the doctor’s, and without saying a word, a message is passed between the two. The doctor raises up his hands in his defense and offers a polite laugh.
Dr. Allen:
“It usually makes the kids happy. It was worth a try.â€
Kris uses his left hand to work the remote for the bed, raising himself up into a seated position. He reaches out and pulls the rolling desk top over to him. There is a pad of paper sitting on it, and he starts to write as the doctor moves around the room.
Dr. Allen:
“You know, you should be thankful that it wasn’t your writing arm, or you may not be able to communicate at all.â€
When he gets around to read the message, he shakes his head. It was a subject that they had gone over several times already, and the answer to it had not changed.
Dr. Allen:
“I have to give you the medication. Otherwise you are going to favor your arm, and baby it to avoid any kind of pain. Doing it like that can cause it to misalign, and then you are in for a much longer recovery. What I can do, is give the medication to your wife, or someone else that you trust, and they can manage it for you. I understand there are some issues that you would rather not have it. That is why I am the only one giving it to you, instead of anyone on the nursing staff administering it. Unfortunately, not taking it is just a bad option for someone in your line of work. If you mess up your arm during the healing process, you might never make it back.â€
Kris shakes his head and crosses out the message that he wrote the first time. He writes just six words this time, and then puts the pen down.
I’m not going back.
It’s over.
The doctor sighs, and moves away from Kris and down to the end of the bed. It appears that he is just going to leave the man to sulk, but pauses to shut off the light on the x-ray board. He lingers there, clearly wanting to say something, but not sure if he should. When he turns to Kris, he realizes it is the right thing to do.
Dr. Allen:
“Don’t let this break you. Don’t deny who it is that you are. If you have been part of that world for so many years already, don’t let this little setback take it away from you. That’s denying all of those people that believed in you the opportunity to see you fight back from this. That’s denying yourself your dream.â€
The points to Kris’ arm as an example.
Dr. Allen:
“Everything that is broken heals in time.â€
He then taps the center of his throat, and nods towards Kris.
Dr. Allen:
“...and nobody can take this away from you. Your voice is your own. Once it comes back, you should go back to using it. I feel like there’s a lot of people that are going to need to hear it.â€
Kris looks away from him, and tries not to let his expression soften at all. The doctor gets the message, and taps the end of the bed twice.
Dr. Allen:
“I’m sorry this happened to you, Kris.â€
Kris keeps his eyes averted towards the window, but hears the doctor’s footsteps as he makes his way out of the room. Once the door is closed, and he is alone, he lets out a shaky breath, and tosses the notepad across the room.
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♫ / Now tell me: how did all my dreams turn to nightmares? / ♫
♫ / How did I lose it when I was right there? / ♫
♫ / Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces / ♫
♫ / Tell me why the world never fights fair / ♫
November 16th 2017
PAIN
Kali considered herself a patient woman, but when both her significant others were impatient it was a true test. Today, had been especially hard. She had hardly found a few minutes between laundry, tending to Kris’s needs and making sure the family didn't fall apart to breathe. Heather had been moody. She was worried about the effects the morphine was going to have on her husband. So Kali had told her to go to the studio and play for a while.
She came up stairs with a basket of the laundry. Kris was dozing on the couch and she took that too mean she had a few seconds to check her phone. She’s so busy scrolling, she doesn't hear her girlfriend sneaking up behind her. Heather slips one hand around Kali’s waist, and the other over her mouth simultaneously. Kali shrieks in surprise, hence Heather muffling it.
She whispers into her ear.
Heather Ryans:
“You are so tense... let me help with that...â€
It makes Kali shiver, something that was an easy task but not any less effective.
Kali Fox:
“...but Kris...â€
Heather puts a finger to her lip. Kali’s eyes go wide.
Heather Ryans:
“He’s napping. We're fine...â€
Heather spins her around, directing her backward to the bed. The basket of clothes falls off the bed but it doesn’t appear either woman is bothered by it.
The laundry basket falling from the bed to the floor was what stirred Kris downstairs on the couch. He looked up the stairs in the direction of the room, but instead of investigating, tried to turn over and find comfort. When he did, the pulse of pain up his arm was enough to make him grit his teeth. In the last couple of days, he had learned that trying to talk was a bad option. He pushed himself up off the couch, cradling his arm to his chest as he walked to the stairs. Once at the top, he peered around the corner into the room, catching sight of the two women in a state of near undress. It did not even bring a smile to his face in his haze.
Instead of approaching them, he scans the room, eventually spotting the small orange prescription bottle that he was looking for. Without making a sound, he crosses over to the dresser and reaches for the bottle. However, his grip is off, and instead of scooping it up, he pushes the bottle over onto the dresser. It rolls, all of the pills inside jingling along as it falls off of the dresser and to the floor.
Heather stops, looking over her shoulder. Kali instantly turns red and covers her face. Heather smirks before rising in only her bra and walks over to Kris. She sighs, before putting a light hand on Kris’s unbroken arm and picks up the bottle.
Heather Ryans:
“Unless you want to relieve constipation, these are not going to help you.â€
She knows this man almost as well as she does herself and knows what he was after. She shakes the bottle, putting it back on the dresser where the label clearly states the contents are stool softeners. Kali has joined Heather but has replaced the shirt she had been missing only a minute ago. He looks back and forth between the two of them and points at his arm. He then holds out the same index finger to Heather. The two of them look at him confused, and he pats his pocket in an attempt to find his phone. It is not there, which only makes him more frustrated. He points down at his arm again, and then over where she took the bottle of pills, then to his mouth, before finally holding up his index finger again.
Kali is now more tense than she was before Heather had even startled her, but Heather only smirks at her husband.
Heather Ryans:
“Kris, you still have three hours until your next dose. I can give you some advil to take the edge off for now if you want?â€
He closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. Clearly it was not an answer that he was looking for. He manages to stay calm, and holds up his index finger again. However, this time, he then brings his index finger and thumb closer together, leaving about half of the length of his index finger worth of space between them. He tries to explain himself better, pointing towards the pills and then back to his half measurement.
Kali shakes her head.
Kali Fox:
“No, Kris. Not even a half. I’m sorry.â€
Heather Ryans:
“Not even half?â€
Heather seems to sympathize, looking between them both. Kali crosses her arms over her chest, her rigidness making it obvious that she was in need of more attention from Heather.
Kali Fox:
“This is why I was put in charge of the medication.â€
Kris stomps his foot on the ground in irritation. Being unable to talk had been a constant source of frustration. He opens his mouth to try, but nothing comes out. The pain on his face is evidence enough that he should not have even tried. He points to his cast again, and then makes a crushing motion with his hand, now focused only on Kali. She looks at Heather, the pain is evident in Kali’s face. She felt horrible not being able to help him and even worse that she didn't get what he meant.
He shakes his head and repeats the same motion again. However, he points back in the direction of the pill bottle again afterwards and then back up to her with his half measurement. He points at the ground in front of himself, trying to tell her half now, but gives up trying to explain. He turns away, but when he does smacks the cast against the dresser. His eyes immediately press close, and his teeth grit together as he stops himself from screaming out. His entire upper body noticeably shakes as he holds it all in.
Once he has control of himself, he makes the same half-now motion, and then follows it with another half before spelling out the letters with his left hand.
*LATER*
He looks back and forth between them. Heather has moved to the bed, sitting cross legged now. Kali is distraught.
Kali Fox:
“Kris. I’m sorry. I can't. I am under strict instructions only to give you the prescribed dose at the right times...â€
She feels like she is failing him. He sighs heavily again, and looks back and forth between the two of them. They can both tell that he wants to plead his case, but sees it as a losing battle. He shakes his head and sighs again.
*OK*
He does not wait for them to respond, and moves across the room, and out the door. They both listen carefully as he goes, and hear him half-stomp back down the stairs. The sound of his feet across the hardwood floors of the living room echo through the house, but cut off after only a few, telling them that he had stopped back at the couch.
Kali puts her hands up to her face, as her shoulders silently shake as she sobs. The stress has finally broken her. Heather immediately stands and pulls her into her arms, holding her tight.
Heather Ryans:
“It’s okay, Kay. Everything is going to be okay.â€
Kali collapses into Heather’s chest, letting her tears flow freely now.
Kali Fox:
“How can you be so calm?â€
Heather shrugs before putting her chin on top of her head and rubs her back.
Heather Ryans:
“You have never seen him when he is dependent on anything. It is not easy to deal with and on top of that, not being able to speak is even more frustrating. This is just a speed bump. Besides I have a solution.â€
Kali looks up at her confused. Heather lets her go and goes into the bathroom. After a few seconds she comes back with her palm open and in the middle of it is half of a white pill.
Kali Fox:
“How did you find the pills? And no... we can't give him more...â€
Kali is getting angry now. Heather laughs at her expression which doesn't make Kali any less frustrated.
Heather Ryans:
“We aren't. This is a multi vitamin. It looks very similar to his pills right? It is called the placebo effect. And it won’t hurt him.â€
Kali shakes her head.
Kali Fox:
“I know what a placebo is Heather. But...If he falls for that you are a genius.â€
Heather Ryans:
“I learned from the best. That guy tricked me for years into believing he drank gin by the bottleful. Just follow my lead.â€
The two women return to the living room shortly thereafter. Kali actually looks angry. Heather sticks out her fist toward Kris on the couch.
Heather Ryans:
“Hey... I convinced that stick in the mud to let you have a half.â€
His eyes open, and he looks over at Heather. When his eyes find the pill in her hand he seems more responsive, but he hesitates. He shifts his gaze to Kali, and then back to Heather. Doing the math in his head, he raises his right hand and taps the pads of his index and middle fingers against his thumb to tell the two of them no. He pulls his phone off of the couch and taps the screen to bring it to life. Seconds later, both of the women's phones chime.
*I'm not playing the two of you against one another. No.*
Heather sits beside him.
Heather Ryans:
“Do you need this? Or do you NEED this.â€
She shows him the half emphasizing the word so he knows what she means by it. He stares at her for a second, and then up at Kali before returning his eyes to his phone screen.
*I don't NEED anything. I woke up. It hurts. I thought it was closer to time. I was wrong. It's fine.*
He goes to put the phone down but stops, and goes back to typing.
*Go have fun. I didn't mean to interrupt.*
Kali turns red and her whole demeanor and body language changes.
Kali Fox:
“No. We should have been focused on you.â€
He shakes his head, and goes back to typing.
*I'm just one person in this family. I can take care of myself. I don't want anyone losing their mind worrying about me.*
Kali kneels in front of him, taking his unhurt hand in hers.
Kali Fox:
“There is nothing wrong with admitting that you need people. I need you and Heather too. This is what family is about.â€
He nods, but has to pull his hand away from her to tap the screen of his phone.
*Exactly. Not just focusing on me. I am okay. Just injured. I'm not dying.*
Heather nods, taking the spot on the couch beside him.
Heather Ryans:
“No, but I know how difficult it is having to give in and take a narcotic. I know you didn't want this and tried to avoid it but this is why we are here. To make sure you don't end up dead.â€
Again, he nods in agreement, and points up at the two of them with his cast. He types with his good hand as he goes.
*That's why you guys have them. I don't need to hold them. That's a bad idea. It doesn't mean you two can't go have fun without worrying about me though.*
Kali shakes her head.
Kali Fox:
“I can't now. And don’t you feel guilty about that either. We are both focused on helping you feel comfortable.â€
He sighs, but looks more defeated than anything else.
*I don't need to be babysat or anything. I might even just fall back asleep. What's going to make me most comfortable is if both of you relax a little and stop worrying so much.*
Heather laughs in an almost sarcastic tone at the idea.
Heather Ryans:
“I stopped being relaxed the moment I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant and Pretty sure Kay has always been a walking stress ball. Besides, we love you. It's not babysitting. It is being with our favorite guy.â€
He shrugs his shoulders, and looks down at his phone screen. He types out the message much more slowly than the last few, and seems hesitant to send it to them.
*He is a one-handed mute. Not a lot to offer currently. Just let me go back to sleep.*
He tosses his phone down, and while they both read, he turns over, pinning his arm up to his chest and cradling it. Heather goes to argue, but Kali raises a hand to her shoulder. She stops, and looks into her girlfriend’s eyes, but Kali shakes her head no. Heather nods, knowing that it is not going to be something that they can work out for him. She leans down, running her fingers through his hair, and places a kiss high on his cheekbone. She leans up, and he makes no motion to acknowledge her. Kali takes Heather’s hand, almost dragging her away from Kris, trusting him to be able to work it out for himself.
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♫ / Look, I've been through so much pain / ♫
♫ / And it's hard to maintain, any smile on my face / ♫
♫ / 'Cause there's madness on my brain / ♫
♫ / So I gotta make it back, but my home ain't on the map / ♫
♫ / Gotta follow what I'm feeling to discover where it's at / ♫
27 December 2017
GUILT
Christmas was always his least favorite time of the year as a child, but as an adult, getting to spend it with his children, it was not so bad. Maybe that is why as he walked up to Everleigh Halliwell’s office, he did not feel as heavy as he had been the dozens of other times that he had been there. Of course, it could also be because the work of art that he had been carrying around on his right arm had finally been cut off. Better than that, the voice therapy that he had been doing seemed to have finally paid off. The hoarseness was finally out of his voice, and he could communicate without being strained. When he opened the door to her office, she was already behind the desk. Kris had gotten to know Everleigh really well over the course of the last six months, so he could tell when he walked in that she was worried. He threw as much cheerfulness into his voice as he could, and surprised her with how well it sounded.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I hope Christmas was good for you.â€
He reaches back and pushes the door closed behind him. Everleigh’s eyes track along the soft padded brace on his arm. He points to it with a smile on her face.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“No cast?â€
He shrugs, and even allows himself a laugh.
Kristopher Ryans:
“The fracture is healed. They said they can’t know for sure how strong it is until I get back into physical therapy, but I am not in any kind of rush to do that. I don’t need a strong right hand to sign paperwork and run Jet City.â€
He walks across the room to the half-couch that he always laid upside down on. He props his legs up on the raised end, and lets his head rest on the bottom edge. Any time he looks at her, she is upside down.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“You are going to need it to get a little stronger if you are going to go back to competing again.â€
He was only a couple minutes in the door and she had managed to wipe the nauseatingly fake smile off of his face. It was something that she had taken great pride in doing in several of their last meetings, and she was getting more efficient at making it happen. Once it was gone though, so was the light-hearted tone of his voice.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it.â€
She shrugs her shoulders, and write a few things down on the pad of paper in front of her. They were not even real notes, but she knew that it ate away at him that he could not see the paper, or what she had written.
Everleigh Halliwell
“Unfortunately this is therapy, Kris. So if you do not want to talk about whatever it is that is bothering you, why are you even here?â€
The rapport that the two had allowed her to say things like that without worry. There was no scenario where he was going to get up off the couch and leave. She knew that he was smart enough to know that they were going to make it to this topic over the course of the visit. It was not going to be something that pushed him out the door.
Kristopher Ryans:
“It’s not bothering me. I just want to move on. I gave up the clinic thing, because I was not going to be there while on medication. I got off the medication without any slips. The only thing that I need in my professional life is Jet City. I am fulfilled.â€
Everleigh nods in agreement with him.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“You are definitely full of something…â€
The comment almost breaks through the emotionless haze that she had realized followed him throughout his entire injury. If it had been that easy though, they would have solved all of his problems months ago. Kris manages to brush away the comment, despite the conflict.
Kristopher Ryans:
“What about you, huh? Still--â€
She cuts him off, knowing where the comment was going.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“... still not the one paying you to come to your office to talk about my problems, so still irrelevant to what we are supposed to be doing.â€
He sighs heavily, and there is a long pause while he chokes back some of the frustration. She goes back to writing on the notepad in front of her, knowing that it was likely going to be enough to push him over the edge. Surely enough, after a few lines of writing, Kris sits up off of the couch.
Kristopher Ryans:
“Will you knock it off?!â€
His voice is raised, which is usually a good sign for her. It means whatever is going to come out of his mouth is going to be much closer to the truth than whatever came through that fake smile. She does not put her pen down, or even look up from the paper though.
Kristopher Ryans:
“What are you even writing? I am not even saying anything worth writing down? What? You think that because I don’t want to talk about SCW that I am running away from something? I am not in physical therapy to go back because I am afraid to? I don’t see my place in all of it anymore so I am just looking to set up shop somewhere else. Is that what you think?â€
She looks up from the notepad, and puts the pen down. She could not have pulled off being a therapist without a solid poker face, and lifts the pad off of the desk to show him that it is not notes, but a list that she was making.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“I was actually thinking that you were wasting my time, and I had to go grocery shopping later, but I always forget what I needed by the end of the day. We can definitely talk about those things though if you want. That would be a more productive use of my time and your money.â€
He opens his mouth, but realizes that he was successfully baited, and that he had lost this one. It was not something that he was ready to talk about. It was not something that he even wanted to let people in on. He had been outplayed this time though.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I thought that I was important enough that this kind of thing couldn’t happen to me, and worst case scenario, I thought that if it did, I would have more time to make up for it. That is how it always happens for everyone else, right? There is always time to make amends.â€
Everleigh shrugs her shoulders, and offers him a hard truth in exchange for his honesty.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“Things don’t always work out like movies, TV shows, and stories you read in books. Time is a finite thing, and we are not guaranteed a specific amount of it. That is why people are always trying to tell you to stop running from everything and start facing it head on. All that running is not getting you any further away from the problems. All you’re doing is wasting all the time you have left to face them.
For the first time in more than a month, her words inspire him to say something positive about himself.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I didn’t slip while I was on that medication. I’m not going to say that I didn’t think about it. I’m not going to say that I wasn’t close, or even that I didn’t like the way that it made me feel. I didn’t break the schedule though. I didn’t go around Heather and Kali. It’s not going to stop people from thinking the worst though.â€
It had been a worry of Everleigh’s as well, and for good reason, even if he could not see it himself.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“That’s because you walk around dead in the eyes, and acting like there is a rain cloud over your head that is specifically for you. You tell people that the SCW stuff does not matter to you. You hide how you really feel, and you were hurt enough to legitimately need to be on that medication. With the way you were acting, can you blame people for thinking that you were just hooked and checked out of your head again?â€
He shakes his head, and opens up a little bit more.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I actually expected it. Planned for it even. It people are asking me about drugs, they aren’t asking my why I am not doing physical therapy, and why I am not talking about a comeback. They aren’t asking me about a canceled Kris and Mikah Show. They aren’t asking me about when I am going to go back.â€
The way that the words come out of his mouth, she picks up on the one that means the most to him. He had held it back for last, because it was the one he did not want to allow himself to answer. Instead, he was hoping that she got hung up on everything else. She was too experienced playing his games for that to work though.
Everleigh Halliwell:
“When are you going back?â€
He shakes his head, but cannot look up from the floor to answer.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I can’t...â€
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♫ / I found no cure for the loneliness / ♫
♫ / I found no cure for the sickness / ♫
♫ / Nothing here feels like home / ♫
♫ / Crowded streets, but I'm all alone / ♫
1 January 2018
HOPELESSNESS
Kris had made everyday work out of coming to the Jet City Sports Lab and taking care of the work that he had almost always designated to other people during his time competing. Bills had to be paid, students had to pay for classes, gym dues were due, and special events had to be planned out. It was the type of thing that he saw as a waste of his time until his injury. Now he saw it as the only way to make himself useful. The problem was, he was not doing any of that kind of simple, mind-numbing work today. It was not going to be something just to keep him busy. Today was going to be annoying, because he had been roped into something that he had told people he wanted to part of. He had caved in and agreed to one meeting, and only if it could be done from his office at Jet City. When he opened the door to his office more than an hour late to that meeting, he was surprised to see that Ian Lucas and Aaron Isaacs were still there. The conversation cuts off as soon as Kris steps into the room, and he looks back and forth between them annoyed.
Kristopher Ryans:
“Here I was thinking that you two would have had more to do…â€
Aaron sits back in his chair and shrugs his shoulders.
Aaron Isaacs:
“Nope. As it turns out, I have a ton of free time. I was supposed to be doing this wrestling thing, but it turns out without all of Jet City, the rookie wasn’t really worth the money.â€
Kris opens his mouth to respond to Aaron, but Ian cuts him off before he can.
Ian Lucas:
“Yeah, and Alexa told me that if I bailed without setting up this radio thing that she was going to stab me when I got back to campus. I have been putting it off for like three months and I am apparently ‘never going to get it done’ if I don’t force it.â€
Kris sizes up the recent newcomer to his life. Things had gotten flipped upside down when Alexa popped up randomly. Kris was just starting to come to terms with one half sibling, only to have a second dropped in his lap. Plus, it had meant that his father had been lying to him from the jump. It was not an easy thing to get over, and Ian had taken the brunt of it.
Kristopher Ryans:
“So a half-sister that doesn’t really even know me is pushing her man-friend to annoy me into talking on a radio show? I already told the both of you that I don’t have anything to say. If you’re thinking about making this about Jason’s company, I have no attachment to it. You’ve got the wrong guy.â€
Aaron sighs, having already heard this speech before. Ian is not so easily dissuaded though.
Ian Lucas:
“You are not a part of it? I could have sworn that I saw that Crimson guy saying that you were too busy to compete because you were running it.â€
Aaron sits up in his chair, and his eyes widen. It was a name that did not get brought up. It had been more than six weeks since everything fell apart, and everyone around Jet City was afraid to mention it. He tries to avoid Kris blowing up by explaining it himself.
Aaron Isaacs:
“He was mistaken, or just being a dick. We aren’t sure. Kris just likes to say that they guy fights for a living so obviously cannot be too bright. He thinks he is a horror movie villain, after all.â€
Kris bites down hard on his bottom lip and moves around the two. He crosses the room, and sits down behind his desk, creating a buffer zone between himself and Ian, but only addresses Aaron.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I really don’t want to talk about that guy. That whole thing is over. The company is closing. He got what he wanted. He and Calvin Harris deserve each other. It has nothing to do with me anymore. I don’t even watch it. I cancelled the Kris and Mikah Show thing. I have refused appearances. This is who I am now.â€
He gestures out to the office surrounding them. He had managed to make it his own in the short time since he had taken over full operations. Ian looks around though, and notices something right off the bat.
Ian Lucas:
“I can’t help but notice that there’s no Sin City stuff in here. I mean, Parker’s office has all of his old titles, and pictures from his career. Your brother’s--â€
While the tension is building, Kris had managed to keep his mouth closed until Ian needed correcting.
Kristopher Ryans:
“Half brother.â€
Ian holds up his hands from his lap, demonstrating his innocence before correcting himself.
Ian Lucas:
“Your half-brother’s office has one of the tag titles from Jet City hanging up in it. I don’t see anything from Sin City in here. I don’t even see a picture of you and Mikah, or anything like that. It’s like you have erased it from your life.â€
Kris nods without any emotion on his face.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I have.â€
Ian seems surprised by the honest answer, but Aaron can sense the danger of the conversation. He tries to insert himself in between the two before someone snaps and the exchange of words becomes physical.
Aaron Isaacs:
“I think that what Kris is saying is that he has moved on from it. That’s kind of what we are here to talk about, not all of that. I mean this is supposed to be about the three of us moving on with his new idea. We don’t have to rehash things that don’t matter and are behind us. I think we should just focus on what is going on right now.â€
Ian shakes his head though and does not even look in Aaron’s direction.
Ian Lucas:
“Why?â€
Aaron tries to cut the question off before Kris can answer it, but it is like he is invisible to the other two.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I don’t need to dwell on the things that happened there.â€
This time Aaron stood up from his chair, and forces attention to be pulled to him, breaking the stare down between the two.
Aaron Isaacs:
“Nobody wants to have to think about getting injured, or having their career be cut short, Ian. If he doesn’t want to talk about, we don’t have to talk about it. It is not what we are here for anyways.â€
Ian sits back in the chair, and actually gives Aaron’s words some thought this time. The tension seems to pass in that moment and even Kris starts to relax. Ian’s shaking head brings an end to all of that though. He turns his attention back to Kris, and lays out what he thinks. Even though his voice is not raised, and the words are not hateful, the realization cuts through the room.
Ian Lucas:
“He didn’t get injured in Sin City. His career wasn’t cut short by Crimson. The only thing that happened in that match, was that Crimson cheated, and he won. That has happened dozens of times in your career, Kris. You have done it. People have done it to you. I have even seen you talk about the company where you did get injured. I have seen you talk to the people that actually injured you. When it comes to SCW though, you want no part of it.â€
The look on Aaron’s face shows that he had not put the two things together before now. He had taken all of Kris’ words at face value, and had failed to add them up to make sure that they made sense. Now that he was being presented with it, he flashes back to the locker room after that match. The look on Kris’ face that everyone associated with the injury was there, before the Adrenaline show where he was hurt. He looks back at Kris, and the look they exchange shatters the illusion that Kris had created over the last six weeks. He tries to ask the question, but cannot find the words to do so. Ian does not stop though. He had no tie to Kris that would prevent him from being blunt.
Ian Lucas:
“I think it is because you actually know that he is better than you. You know that your time is over. Your injury was excuse to cut your career short and not have to worry about coming back. You blame it on him so that you can justify not coming around for the events. It’s not about him though. It’s about you.â€
Aaron snaps back to life to cut Ian off.
Aaron Isaacs:
“Look man, you can’t just come in here an--â€
Kristopher Ryans:
“It’s fine Aaron. This is what he is here for. It’s not this radio show bullshit. He could throw anything together for a grade. This is not about Jason’s company, or some silly podcast idea. This is about who really sent him here, and what she wanted to learn about me.â€
Ian shifts uncomfortably in his chair, and Aaron’s attention gets pulled back to Kris. The look on his face has changed. He is not reserved. There is no fake, business-friendly smile across his lips. His eyes are not as empty and lifeless as they have been since back in November. Instead, his whole expression makes him seem truly alive for the first time in recent memory.
Kristopher Ryans:
“Holden didn’t tell me about Alexa because he couldn’t trust me. He wanted to be around me, and get to know me before letting me all the way into his life. He wanted to make sure that I was worth getting to know before exposing me to his pride and joy. Isn’t that right?â€
Ian shrugs his shoulders, and Aaron seems confused by the whole turn of events.
Ian Lucas:
“Can you blame him? Look at the person you have been on television. Look at the drugs you have done, and the lives that you have tried to ruin. Run back over the greatest hits of the most horrible shit that you have said to people, Kris. Would you want to let that person around your daughter? Regardless of how he’s related to her?â€
It is Kris’ turn to shrug now, and Aaron slowly lowers himself back into the chair as Kris responds.
Kristopher Ryans:
“He did though, didn’t he? He trusts me. Obviously I can’t be that bad.â€
Aaron is almost immediately sold on the idea, and allows himself to think for just a second that the two will be able to find a common ground. The comment does not work as the bridge between them that Aaron thought it would though.
Ian Lucas:
“Trusted you. Trusted in The Miracle. Believed in you, like every single one of those people in arenas around the world. Look at you though. You turned your back on all of them so easily. You walked away when things didn’t go your way. You made excuses why it wasn’t your fault, and blamed it on others. Then you got hurt, and in came the drugs, right Kris? Everyone talks about you being dead behind the eyes. I guess maybe getting hurt pushed you back over that edge, didn’t it?â€
It should have made him mad. That was what Ian was actually trying to provoke. If Aaron were in Kris’ shoes, he probably would have leaped over the desk and done something about the jab. Kris does not do anything of those things though.
Kristopher Ryans:
“So that is what she thinks…â€
Ian seems confused when the words are followed by a light chuckle. He tries to respond, but Kris cuts him off before he can.
Kristopher Ryans:
“This whole thing, is to get you to talk to me, to see if she should be around me. Maybe I earned Holden’s trust before everything went down the shitter, right? Maybe he told me about her back when things were all bright and sunny. Then the clouds rolled up and I went back to being the same guy that they saw on TV. The same guy that they weren’t so sure about anymore. And, of course, she is an adult. The word of her parents doesn’t mean near as much as what her best friend thinks. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you waited. I’m sorry that you did.â€
The confusion intensifies for both Aaron, and Ian looks down at his lap.
Aaron Isaacs:
“Kris, I didn’t know th--â€
Kris shakes his head, and offers Aaron a smile.
Kristopher Ryans:
“You have nothing to apologize for…â€
He nods over towards Ian.
Kristopher Ryans:
“Neither does he.â€
Ian perks up, and looks back up at Kris once the words register.
Ian Lucas:
“She just wanted to--â€
Kris holds up a hand and shakes his head again. He did not need to hear it.
Kristopher Ryans:
“That’s not for you to tell me. You two are friends. Keep her trust. If she wants to come and talk to me about any of this, my door is open. You two walked through it, and I had no interest in doing this radio thing in the first place. I’m not a hard guy to find.â€
Ian tries to use the common ground they found to rephrase one of his questions.
Ian Lucas:
“Unless people are trying to find you at an SCW event...â€
Kris looks down at the desk, and really tries not to say anything at all. He had stopped it from coming out of his mouth for six weeks, but loses control for just a few seconds.
Kristopher Ryans:
“There’s no place for me there anymore.â€
Aaron pats Ian on the shoulder, and motions back towards the door to the office. Ian nods, and gets up from his seat.
Aaron Isaacs:
“We don’t need to keep this up any longer. I will walk him out Kris.â€
Aaron gets to his feet and moves to the door, pulling it open. Ian waits for a few seconds, starting Kris down and willing him to say something, or anything that he could take back to Alexa as a positive. When he former champion does not look back up, Ian gets out of his chair and walks to the door. Aaron steps out into the hallway, and waits for Ian to follow, but he stops, and turns back to Kris.
Ian Lucas:
“There are two things that I have learned in my life, Kris. Your half-sister was the one that taught them to me. The first one is, there’s always going to be a place for you at home.â€
Kris looks up from his lap, and appears to brush it off.
Kristopher Ryans:
“And the second?â€
Ian smiles.
Ian Lucas:
“A little bit of hope can take you a long way.â€
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♫ / Someone take me / ♫
♫ / Home, ho-o-o-o-me / ♫
♫ / Take me home / ♫
♫ / Home, home, take me home / ♫
♫ / Someone take me / ♫
♫ / Home / ♫
12 January 2018
HOPE
Heather Ryans:
“What are you doing?â€
Heather came into the oversized bedroom that she, Kris and Kali shared to find her husband with a bag on the end of the bed. Laying around it were things that she had not seen since the beginning of November. He goes to work putting the pads, and his shoes into the bag before turning to her.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I have to try….â€
She shakes her head, and storms across the room, pulling things out of the bag. He does not fight with her, and stays out of her way.
Heather Ryans:
“You can’t. You’re not ready. You haven’t even done physical therapy for your arm yet. You’re not going to that show.â€
Tears fill her eyes and she starts to break down while she is pulling things out of the bag. She flips it and starts to shake the rest of the items out of the bottom of it before he stops her. She tosses the empty bag to the bed and turns to him, but she is not angry.
She wraps her arms around his neck, and rests her head against his chest.
Heather Ryans:
“Don’t go. Please don’t go. I don’t want to see you hurt again.â€
He brings his right arm up to her lower back, and hugs her close to his body while his left hand comes up to cradle her head against his chest. He knew that this was going to be the hardest part of leaving.
Kristopher Ryans:
“I can’t let it end this way. I can’t let it close like this. This wasn’t supposed to be how my story ended. If I stay at home, I let them take that from me.â€
She pushes away from him.
Heather Ryans:
“If you stay at home, you get to stay safe! You get to pick up your kids in the mornings! You get to talk like a regular human being instead of having to text message to communicate. You don’t have to worry about getting hurt, and maybe slipping. God dammit, Kris we just barely made it through a year!â€
He shrugs his shoulders, but keeps his voice level.
Kristopher Ryans:
“If I stay here, the weight is never going to come off of my chest. I’m never going to know if I was good enough. I’m always going to regret not going, and not finding out for myself. I let Crimson be an excuse. I let the injury be an excuse. I sat on the sidelines and talked about never going back because I was afraid.â€
Kali Fox:
“Afraid that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be….â€
The two of them turn away from their argument to see Kali standing in the doorway watching them.
Kali Fox:
“You see all of these awesome things happening all around you, and just think that maybe you didn’t deserve for them to happen to you. You see people winning dozens of world titles, where you were never even given an opportunity. Crimson has you convinced that maybe you were just never good enough, and that is why they were content to let you stay in the Roulette Division. Maybe that is why they were okay with you leaving too. You think he was right about all of it, don’t you?â€
Heather goes to argue that it could not be the case, but the look on Kris’ face stops her. He closes his mouth, and sits down on the end of the bed.
Heather Ryans:
“Kris…â€
He shakes his head, and tries to hold it together.
Kristopher Ryans:
“You hear something enough, and you start thinking that maybe it is true. That you’re the best. That people rely on you. It is so easy to build a person up. Mark and Christian, they put me on that pedestal. I can’t fault them for it. I am not mad about it or anything. They just sat back and watched as it all went to my head. I embraced all of it. I really loved thinking that for once, maybe it was going to be my time. Maybe all those good things could happen for me. I mean, I was so close. All I had to do was climb that last step...â€
Kali finishes the thought for him.
Kali Fox:
“...and then I got taken.â€
Kris nods, not afraid to admit it anymore.
Kristopher Ryans:
“It’s that, but it’s not just that. He’s just a guy playing the same game that I used to play. He wants to get under people’s skin and work them into mistakes. It is not new. It is not cutting edge. The process works. I would know. That’s not what it was. Not really.â€
He sighs, and Heather chimes in, having already put it all together. Kali may have given her the pieces, but there was nobody that knew Kris better than Heather. It was not even a difficult puzzle to solve.
Heather Ryans:
“Nobody stopped him….â€
Kali looked up from Kris to Heather, who lets out an annoying half-sigh.
Kali Fox:
“What?â€
Heather is almost disappointed in herself for not seeing it before. The answer was obvious now that she was looking for it.
Heather Ryans:
“All of the things he did, and all of the shit that he said, and nobody said anything about it. Nobody came to your defense. Nobody backed you up. They left you hanging out to dry by yourself, and you took it to mean that everything that he said was true.â€
She pauses, because the word did not sound right.
Heather Ryans:
“No… not true---â€
It was Kali’s turn to catch up to the conversation now, and she finds the right one for her.
Kali Fox:
“You thought that is what everyone believed… And everyone was just too afraid to tell you. They let you become larger than life, and then left you to fall all by yourself. Like maybe they were laughing behind your back the whole time. When you said that you weren’t going back, it was because you don’t think that they want you there. Not because you don’t want to go.â€
His bottom lip quivers a little, but there is something under all of his fears that was not there before. Maybe it came from all of them being on the same page for the first time in two months. Maybe it was the clear-headedness that he had back now that he was off the medication. Maybe it was even the push that Ian gave him. It was there though, and it was undeniable.
Kristopher Ryans:
“If I don’t go back, I’m the only one that is going to carry around the weight of it for the rest of my life. There’s a chance that I’m going to go back, and I’m going to fail. There’s a chance that I come up short because all of those people were right about me the whole time...â€
Kali follows his line of thinking just a second faster than Heather and finds the words before her.
Kali Fox:
“...but there’s a chance that he was wrong, and that he has always been wrong, and this is your last chance to prove it.â€
Heather smiles, and then moves to sit down next to her husband.
Heather Ryans:
“I have been telling you for years that you were good enough. I have believed in you when you didn’t even believe in you. I know that this is your last chance, and understand if you have to go. You listen to me though…â€
He lowers her hand to his cheek, and forces his face up so that he has to look into her eyes.
Heather Ryans:
“You have a family here waiting for you win or lose, and you are always going to be good enough for us. You don’t have to worry about finding a place in the world because it is here, with us. Sin City might have been your home for the last few years, but look around you. You already won. This is your home, and nobody can take it from you.â€
She leans in and places a kiss on his forehead. Kali moves across the room, and squats down in front of them to be on their level. She runs a hand through his hair, and pulls his attention to her.
Kali Fox:
“Now let’s go make sure that all of them remember exactly why they said you were the best.â€
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