Our screen cuts to a scene clad in green. A Go Pro type of camera shakily meanders through untamed foliage. In the background, Jimi Hendrix’s popular song “All Along the Watchtower†penetrates nature’s organic melody. A man in camo cargo shorts is seen gathering turnips from a portion of his garden. He’s shirtless, displaying the skinny, fat body of an individual who stays in conditioned shape, rather than aesthetic. A twig snaps under the foot of the individual carrying the camera. The shirtless man turns, quickly. He removes a knife, instinctively. His shoulders suddenly dip as he recognizes the infiltrator.
Shirtless Man: Ah, my fellow Crusader. So good to see you. I wish you hadn’t brought that camera along, but it’s too late now. You know how they have tracking devices in those things. The government, that is.
The Shirtless man places the basket of turnips aside several other baskets containing freshly grown produce. Nearby a clothesline stretched between two trees holds the hanging bodies of three dead squirrels. The Shirtless Man starts to clean his knife.
Shirtless Man: It’s been awhile since I’ve trusted anyone. For years I’ve spent my life living off the grid, in this jungle. It wasn’t until you convinced me that I had a pivotal role to play in opening the eyes of others that I decided to speak out once again. So, that’s what I intend on doing. This thing you revealed to me…this INTERNET. It’s truly a marvel. Especially that Youtube site…fascinating, so much truth being told.
He begins to skin a squirrel. He’s as efficient with a knife as Ron Jeremy is with a condom.
Shirtless Man: Back in the day, after my stint with the Marines, I tried marching. Only problem was the beat downs I received from the pigs in the police department. The clubbings, the macings, the bullshit prison sentences. All for exercising my first amendment rights! I was fed up, determined to live in isolation, free from the government’s tyranny.
A skinned squirrel hangs from his left hand. He drops it into a sizzling skillet. He rubs the knife clean along the side of his shorts.
Shirtless Man: But now…now you’ve shown me a new forum to speak some truth. A forum free from oppression. Sin City Wrestling. A place with the type of exposure and format to reach thousands, possibly MILLIONS of sheeple.
He snares a tomato from a nearby basket and rips into it. Red juice flows down the side of his grizzly chin. He swallows as the Go Pro nears.
Shirtless Man: These are turbulent times my Crusader. Thus the journey begins. I look to bring the Book of Truth to SCW. I look to expand the number of Crusaders following me on this historic, eye opening mission. I look to bring SCW something they’ve never seen before. And, if it takes a little violence to get the job done – then so be it.
The man finishes off his tomato. He savors the flavor like Ron Jeremy savors…well, you know.
Shirtless Man: SCW, get ready. The Modern Day Crusader has awakened.
The Crusader keeps the Go Pro running.
Modern Day Crusader: Now, Crusader, filet that squirrel into edible bites while I educate you on Lesson #31 from the Book of Truth – The Reality behind Stop Lights. Did you know Stop Lights are superfluous? They are unnecessary contraptions designed to congest roadways while also keeping an eye on the common man. Not to mention the starting and stopping which is designed to damage our Ozone layer. Stop Lights are pure evil. PURE EVIL.
We cut out.
