"In order to overthrow or decapacitate an evil establishment, you cannot go in with guns blazing. You cannot go in blinding. In order to effectively dismantle, you must take certain calculated steps first." -Delia, darling if you must...
S.C.E.N.E. O.N.E. -- Step One: Take Away Their Relevance
LOCALE: Ras Banas, Egypt
The sweltering, humid heat off of the peninsula dipping into the Red Sea is enough to bring most to their knees, or at least to their undergarments. Not former SCW World Bombshell and Bombshell Roulette Champions, Delia Darling and Mercedes Vargas, respectively. As we pan along the edge of the beach, we see Delia and Mercedes marching along the bay with stiff postures, their hair tied up under hats as they come closer to the perspective point. Approaching us, we notice that they are in full US Military fatigues, down to the combat boots. Delia is carrying a board of some sort while Mercedes has some sort of lightweight metal contraption tucked under her left arm. Delia comes to a stop just shy of the camera, causing Mercedes to march a half circle around her, turning to face the camera as well. She firmly shakes the metal contraption, causing it to pop out into some sort of stand. She digs the three legs deep into the sand as Delia places the board onto it securely.
Delia: HO!
Mercedes: Um, Delia, we're dressed in Army fatigues, and... well, that's for the Royal Navy, not...
Delia: Ugh, no... I was referring to Amanda Cortez, of course. Anyway, Aten-HUT!
Both ladies straighten their posture up as they salute toward the camera, acting as if it were their superior officer for effect.
Delia: At ease!
They slightly loosen their posture, as per the command, lowering their hands at their sides. After a moment, Delia turns slightly, having made her point. She pulls a baton from inside her jacket, flinging the pointing device to full extension. She taps her foot for a moment until Mercedes takes a deep breath and turns to write a message along the board with a dry erase marker.
Delia: Now, soldiers... Z'is is war. No, not one of z'ose lame attempts made by z'e Bombshell locker room for z'e better part of 2014, but a real war...
Mercedes: I know you're playing commander, but... may I offer you a little bit of advice, Deelz?
Delia: Z'at is COMMANDER DARLING to you, maggot! El oh el, sorry, I just had to. Yes Officer Vargas, please feel free.
Mercedes gives Delia a glare that is part comedic, but also part threatening. Delia smirks, winking at the closest thing to a best friend she has ever had. Mercedes breaks her tense glare for a moment.
Mercedes: You've mentioned to me that you don't understand why our fellow Bombshells enjoy hazing us, and all but mauling us like a pack of grizzly bears... It's comments such as "Not one of z'ose laaaaaaame attempts made by z'e Bombshell locker room... he he he"
Mercedes places her hand over her chest, doing an overly dramatic impression of Delia's French accent, while batting her eyelashes and rolling her eyes. Delia places a hand on her hip, scoffing at this before flipping the air where her hair normally would be.
Mercedes: Yeah, that's not going to make our case any better.
Delia: It was supposed to be tough love. You know, since I'm a stunningly beautiful Army Commander.
Delia smiles sweetly, taking note of Mercedes pinching the bridge of her nose as she sighs in exasperation. Delia sighs as well, but coughs on the particles of sand that blow into her mouth. She spits and sputters for a second, going as far as to gag on it before covering her mouth and bowing politely.
Delia: I wish we could have done z'is inside of z'e military base of Ras Banas, but apparently you need moderate level military clearances, and American's aren't exactly favored by Egypt at z'e moment... So, we settled on z'e beach just outside of said base.
Delia nods her head toward the structure to her side. Off in the distance is a large naval port with a single ship at the docks. The camera turns back to face the two formal Mean Girls, and Bombshell Tag Champion hopefuls.
Delia: Now, we're not out here to mock z'e US Military, because z'at is not what we do.
Mercedes holds her index finger up with authority as she stares ahead at the camera, a look as serious as a heart attack upon her face.
Mercedes: Not anymore!
Delia slowly turns her head at Mercedes, as it must be her turn to do the evil glare. Mercedes shrugs her shoulders and mouths "Sorry, not sorry." Delia slowly returns her stare to the camera.
Delia: It is Memorial Day in z'e United States, so we were hoping to pay tribute to z'e troops who serve our wonderful country, putting z'eir lives on z'e line day in and day out. America is z'e land of z'e free, and z'e home of z'e brave, according to our national ans'em. But, it is not wis'out a cost, no? It is z'e land of z'e free, BECAUSE of z'e brave. Z'e men and women serving in all branches of z'e military protect us from evil tyrants.
Mercedes: WE SHOULD ALL JUST STAB CAESAR!
Delia: Precisely. Exactly my point... well, sort of.
Delia raises the corner of her mouth as if to say "not even" before taking a stray strand of hair blowing in her face and tucking it behind her ear.
Delia: As Mercedes has illustrated here, wi's a ras'er... disturbing image of Veronica Taylor, her head lying on z'e ground next to her body... We have devised a plan to take down z'e Mean Girls. Z'is is our battle plan, Bombshells and fans alike. You see, we've wisely chosen z'is set up for z'e promotional video because we view z'e Mean Girls as a group of tyrants, terrorists of z'e Bombshells division even. Z'ey need to be taken down. On a group based off of a stupid movie...
Mercedes: It's honestly a future classic.
Delia: Ugh, right? Anyway, z'at is besides z'e point. Z'e group is based off of a movie, and what no one was smart enough to pick up on beforehand... or maybe z'ey just never saw z'e movie? Whatever z'e case is, z'ere was one weakness embedded in z'e group long before I ever joined. Everys'ing has an Achilles Heel z'at will take it down. Z'is metaphoric Achilles Heel comes right out of z'e movie.
Delia smiles almost wickedly as she reaches into her fatigues, pulling out a copy of the movie, though for copyright reasons, it is blurred out. However, the iconic movie's cover of salmon pink, with four fabulous girls on the cover, is easy to spot to most. She looks over to it, and her face twists into what can almost be considered a stink face. She looks back to the camera.
Delia: I mean... it's not like it's even hidden. It's a key plot point of z'e entire movie. Janis Ian and Cady Heron, along wi's Damian Leigh... sort of... devised a plan to take down z'e Plastics. What was z'e first step?
Delia pauses as Mercedes scribes the words "Cut off their resources" on the board, befor quickly drawing and amateur characature of the Bombshell Tag Team Championships. Delia extends her baton to the board, running it slowly across the words as she begins speaking.
Delia: Now, traditionally, we should get rid of z'e "man candy" el oh el, but nobody actually cares about Giani Di Luca. I mean, he was so 2013. And Amanda doesn't "do" men, so... We're going to improvise wi's an equally effective plan. Anyway, our first plan of action is to take away z'e only s'ing z'at Veronica, Angelica, and Amanda have to hold over everyone's heads... Yes, z'e Bombshell Tag Team Championships. It is z'eir only source of relevancy, z'eir only real resource besides Angelica blowing Mark Ward.
Mercedes looks at her in disgust over what was just said, though she can't argue the truth in it. Delia looks back at her as if challenging her to argue the point. When Mercedes remains quiet, Delia turns back to the camera.
Delia: Unfortunately... once a ho, always a ho. Sorry bout it, hunties...
Delia leans forward, cupping her hand around her mouth as she whispers.
Delia: Trademarks of Delia Darling Enterprises, bitches...
With a wink, she removes her hand from her face and lets it rest back at her side, while using her other hand to tap against the board with her baton for emphasis.
Delia: We can't remedy SCW of z'at disease, but we can take away z'e only tangible resource z'ey have, and we will do so on Sunday. Mercy and I have experience as a tag team also. Fortunately for us, our tag experience didn't involve feet on ropes, chairs, running around z'e ring to avoid beat downs, and so on. And we took down top players. Now, tag gold is somes'ing completely new to me, but Mercedes here has held z'ose belts twice. You ladies might have experience in learning to avoid confrontation as a team, but we're experienced in getting legitimate wins as a team. We know your games, so we'll be prepared for you. I know you bo's like z'e back of my hand.
Delia looks at the back of her free hand for a moment, before rethinking her comparison. Upon shrugging her shoulders, she moves on.
Delia: I don't have to sit here and tear down your generic looks worn by any and all Fashion Week models, because it's so evident. No, people aren't so vapid z'at z'ey don't already know z'at you couldn't come up wi's an original concept if your life depended on it. Feel free to call me "ratchet" "busted" and "basic" all day long on Twitter, because I could care less. My resume speaks for myself, and my originality far exceeds your own. Unlike you, I am not all bark and no bite. I bite first and bark later.
Delia bares her teeth as she snaps at the camera, Mercedes chuckling a bit afterward. Delia joins in, though her laugh seems just a bit more sinister.
Delia And let's not forget your latest insult. I "had to cheat to win"... How fucking ironic is Z'AT?!? Z'e logic alone makes me laugh. Let's touch briefly on z'e fact z'at Amanda and yourself... you s'ought she needed a chair to put me down, because, try wi's all her might, z'is bitch just would not stay down. Z'e reason z'e chair was in z'e ring in z'e first place was because you, Veronica... you put it z'ere. You z'en got up and distracted poor Holly while Amanda went to put me down. If I wasn't a real s'reat, why would Mandy need a chair at all?
Delia runs her fingertips across her neck as if to say "enough of that", shaking her head in disappointment.
Delia: Eh, no, z'e real paradox of z'e situation is z'at you have z'e nerve to point it out z'at Mercedes knocked Amandy out for trying to cheat. In essence, yes, it was cheating on my part. But, it happens when you fight fire wi's fire. I mean, z'e amount of times I've scored a cheap victory is probably equal to z'e amount of times you've had a fair victory.
Mercedes: That doesn't make sense considering what happened last night, Deelz. That would mean they would have needed one clean victory to their name.
Delia: I can't even right now wi's z'at one. I just can't. My point is z'at playing dirty is in your repertoire, somes'ing I tried to move away from long ago to avoid complacency. You use it as a crutch. Try as you might, but we will be prepared next Sunday. We know your game, and we are bitches on a mission. Oh em gee, tag team name?
Mercedes: No... just, no...
Delia nods her head quickly in understanding before looking back to the camera one last time.
Delia: Okay... we'll work on z'at later. Mandy, Ronnie... I would like you to do me one last favor. For old times sake. I would like for you two to polish z'ose belts up nicely. I want you to be able to see your reflections in z'em. Z'en, I want you ladies to put on your best lipstick. Apply it generously. Don't skimp...
Delia pushes her lips out almost seductively as she acts like she is holding a tube of lipstick between her fingers. She runs it close to her lips in multiple circles before smacking her lips.
Delia: You two will want to leave some sort of a mark on z'ose belts when you kiss z'em goodbye. Z'en, I want you bo's to kiss our asses goodbye, because we will embarrass you so badly, you won't want to show your faces around SCW any longer. All z'e shit you've been talking will be all for naught, coupled wi's z'e fact z'at we will bust your already fucked up mugs so badly, you will wish you had only gotten z'e *air quotes* Delia Darling Treatment, bitches. See you Sunday, kiss kiss.
Mercedes hits a few free standing jabs to emphasize her words.
Mercedes: Bang, bang...
Both ladies straighten their postures for a moment before Delia looks straight ahead into nothingness.
Delia: Stand easy soldiers!
With this, both ladies completely relax their postures before they turn and promptly march out of the picture, leaving us to focus on the board ahead of us. There are two more numbered spaces available, but both are left blank. Slowly, the screen begins to go black.
[*Fade*]
