The Quiet Knock
The drive over to her mother’s house from the airport felt longer than usual, even though Alicia could’ve made the route blindfolded. The familiar streets looked slightly off, as if the world had shifted a few degrees since last night’s conversation. She gripped the steering wheel tighter with each turn, the Roulette Championship belt lying in the passenger seat like a judgmental co-pilot.
Her mother’s house came into view, small, neat, painfully tidy. The porch light was on even though it was barely past sunset. Barbara always said you never knew when company might show up, even though she never actually wanted company. Alicia stood on the doorstep for a full fifteen seconds before knocking. When she finally did, the door opened almost immediately. Barbara stood there in her cardigan, hair pulled back, reading glasses hanging from a chain around her neck. She blinked once, then glanced at the belt in Alicia’s hand. “…What did you break this time?”
Not accusatory. Not impressed. Just Barbara. Alicia let out a shaky laugh. “Nothing. I, uh… can I come in?”
Barbara stepped aside. “If you couldn’t, I wouldn’t have opened the door.” The living room was exactly the same as always: beige couch, coffee table with a stack of mystery novels, the faint smell of peppermint tea. Alicia sat down, the belt resting stiffly across her lap like it didn’t belong there, and maybe it didn’t. Barbara settled into her chair, crossing her legs. “You look tired.”
“I am,” Alicia admitted.
“Then sleep.”
“It’s not that simple.”
Barbara lifted an eyebrow. “It usually is.” There it was, the bluntness. The unvarnished realism. Alicia swallowed, clasping her hands together.
“Mom… I need advice.”
Barbara blinked as if Alicia had suddenly spoken in a foreign language. “About what? Wrestling? Winning? Losing? You already know how to do all those…..I don’t….”
“No. About… the kids. Austin. Everything.”
Barbara set her book aside. “Oh. That.” A long silence stretched between them.
Alicia exhaled slowly. “I don’t think I’m doing this right. Any of it. The wrestling, the parenting, the marriage. I feel like I’m constantly disappointing someone.” Her voice cracked before she could stop it. “And I don’t know how to fix it.”
Barbara remained completely still, like she was afraid sudden movement might scare Alicia into silence. Then she said, in the same steady tone she always used, “Being disappointed in yourself doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.”
Alicia blinked, thrown off. “That’s… not what I expected you to say.”
Barbara shrugged. “That’s because you always expect me to be cruel.”
“I don’t….”
“You do,” Barbara cut in. “And that’s fine. I wasn’t a warm mother. I know that. But I wasn’t cruel, Alicia. I just didn’t see the point in pretending life was anything other than what it was.”
Alicia stared down at the belt on her lap. The gold gleamed, mocking her. “I just… I feel torn all the time. When I’m in the ring, I feel like me. But when I’m home… I feel like I’m failing everyone.”
“And do those feelings come from what they’re saying,” Barbara asked bluntly, “or from what you’re saying to yourself?” Alicia hesitated. Barbara nodded, as if she expected that silence. “You made a choice to be a wrestler. You made a choice to have a family. Two choices can both be right and still pull at you. That doesn’t mean either one is wrong.”
“But the kids….”
“Are fed, clothed, loved, safe, and attached to you,” Barbara said. “If they were neglected, someone would’ve told you. Probably me.”
Alicia cracked a small smile. “Probably.”
Barbara leaned back in her chair. “You think I didn’t feel that way with you?”
Alicia blinked, startled. “You?”
Barbara snorted. “Don’t look at me like I’m a stranger. I wasn’t good at affection, but I wasn’t blind. You were a handful. Smart, loud, stubborn. I constantly thought I was failing you…and your brother and sister”
“But… you never showed it.”
“That’s how I was raised.” Barbara’s voice softened, barely, but enough. “Showing worry is the same as showing weakness, according to your grandfather. I never agreed, but old habits… they’re hard to kill.”
Alicia looked around the immaculate house, the straight lines, the clean surfaces. It all suddenly felt less cold and more… controlled. Like her mother had built a world where nothing spilled over because she’d spent her entire life cleaning up things that had. “You think I’m a good mother?” Alicia asked quietly.
“I think,” Barbara said, adjusting her glasses, “that you care too much to be a bad one.” The words landed heavier than expected. Alicia swallowed, throat tight.
“And Austin?” she asked. “I feel like I’ve been shutting him out. He’s scared for me. And I’m scared of letting him down.”
“Then tell him that.”
“It’s not easy.”
“Neither is wrestling grown adults for money,” Barbara deadpanned. “But you do that.” Alicia laughed despite herself. Barbara continued. “He chose you. All of you, the fighter, the wife, the mother. If he wanted simple, he wouldn’t have married someone who jumps off ladders.”
Alicia rubbed her face, groaning. “God, don’t remind me.”
“You’re allowed to be scared,” Barbara said. “You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. And you’re allowed to ask for help.”
Alicia stared at her. “You’ve never said anything like that before.”
“I’m old,” Barbara muttered. “Sometimes I surprise myself.” Alicia let out a long breath and leaned back into the couch. For the first time in days, the weight of the belt didn’t feel like an anchor dragging her down. It felt like a piece of her, one piece, among many.
She looked at her mother. “Do you think I can really balance all of this?”
Barbara considered the question carefully, something she rarely did. “You won’t do it perfectly,” she said finally. “But you’ll do it. Because you don’t quit.” She paused. “And because your children don’t need the perfect version of you. They need the one who keeps trying.”
Alicia’s eyes stung. “Mom…”
“Don’t cry,” Barbara said immediately, holding up a hand like tears were a fire she wasn’t equipped to deal with. “This is just life. You’re doing fine.”
But there was something soft in her tone, something Alicia had rarely heard before. Alicia nodded, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm. “Thank you.”
Barbara cleared her throat. “Do you want tea? I have peppermint.”
Alicia smiled. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
As Barbara stood and shuffled toward the kitchen, Alicia ran her fingers over the championship belt. For the first time since winning it, she didn’t feel guilty. She didn’t feel split in two. She felt… steady. Not perfect. Not unbreakable. But steady. Maybe that was enough… for now. And maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t as alone in this as she thought.
An old enemy
”Am I being pranked?… I don’t do jokes.”
She leans back, her long blonde hair flowing down her shoulders and back as she kicks her legs up on a table and folds her arms over her chest.
”Everyone is talking about my resurgence. The great return of Alicia Lukas. Because I have spent so much time coming in and out of the company and struggling to find my footing and remind everyone of who I am, now the world wants to take notice. I became the Roulette Champion and since then I have been on an absolute tear when it comes to the different women that this company has been putting me up against. And now, as I step into the limelight again and make sure that the spotlight is purely focused on me, I have beaten a top contender at High Stakes and had such a competitive match that I’m going to be facing her again.”
“Alexandra Calaway. And how does this company decide I’m going to prepare for this match? Do I face the best of the best? Do I face one of the up-and-coming stars of the Bombshells Division like Frankie Holiday? Do I face another second-generation star like Bella Madison? Do I face Victoria Lyons? Someone who is one of the best talents that we currently have? No, of course not. Because this company enjoys watching me destroy one person with one last name.”
She pauses for dramatic effect, kicking her legs off the table and pushing her way to her feet. She’s wearing a pair of black Doc Martens, black jeans with tears down the thighs, and a cropped Mötley Crüe singlet top.
”Seleana Zdunich. A woman that I have faced before, and I’ve faced so much that there isn’t really anything else I can say about her. Think about it, there was one small shining moment where she was able to get a win over me and fluke a title run out of it. One small shining moment where she was able to raise her head high. But it was a moment that I ended. A moment that I snuffed out in seconds because she was never good enough to be my equal or better. I have told the world that every single time she and I have got into the ring, and I have backed it up every single time. So why? Why does this company keep on putting this pinhead against me? Do they enjoy watching her fail? Do they enjoy watching me destroy her? There are some sick fucks in SCW’s head office.”
She rolls her eyes and throws her hands in the air. Her annoyance and frustration are clear and on display as her body language betrays her attitude of wanting to do right by the company but also being forced to face someone she has destroyed time and time again.
”What else can I say about you, Sel? Every single time you and I face each other I say the same thing and I’m starting to sound like a broken record. At this point, it’s just getting sad. You and I have been in the ring together a dozen times. And if you take out all the times when neither of us won because there were multiple people in the match, I have walked out the winner eight times. You have beaten me once. And I’m getting sick and tired of beating the shit out of you. It doesn’t get me anything. It doesn’t get me anywhere. I am one of the biggest names to ever step foot in this company. I am someone who is in the Hall of Fame. I have won multiple awards. I am someone who, even at my lowest point, was still respected and feared while you have become nothing but a punchline.
“A punchline in the ring and in your own family. Life has beaten you down and destroyed you, and the worst part is, you’re not a bad person. Throughout every single time you and I have faced each other, I have never once degraded your character as a human being, because the truth is that as a human being you are actually very nice. You are respectful, you are sweet. You are a very loving person to your family. You are a good person. But good people don’t always get what they deserve, and while you deserve great things in your life, that doesn’t mean that you deserve great things in the ring. Because the skills that you possess just aren’t there anymore. You don’t have the heart anymore. And it’s time to give it up.”
“It’s time to walk away, Sel…”
“You don’t have the same level of heart anymore. No matter what I was going through in my life, no matter how low I ended up being viewed in this business as far as rankings or the pecking order in this company, I still had love for this business and it was never about going through the motions. It was never about watching as my career was slowly circling down a drain. But that is all that it has been for you for years. You turn up and you do the bare minimum, and when you are in the ring you don’t have that same spark that you once had when you faced me before, six years ago. That bright colour in your eyes is gone and all I see now is a vacant stare, like you just don’t care anymore. And when you get to that point it’s time to admit to yourself that you don’t belong here anymore.”
She pauses. Alicia’s voice becomes softer, almost like she is caring and trying to give advice. Her body language changes from aggressive to more human.
”I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to get in the ring with you and destroy you physically and verbally over and over again because at this point I’m just whipping a dead horse. Your ex-wife walked away from you and has now become a world champion again. She has captured that relevance that you so desperately wanted for months and years and there is nothing you can do about it. You are going to step into the ring with me on Climax Control and you are gonna be facing someone who has beaten you time and time again, and everyone knows is better than you. And the worst part is....beating you gets me nothing. I’m not going to take any pride in it, I’m not going to celebrate it. Because you don’t deserve that.”
“But, well, you don’t deserve that celebration. It’s also because there is nothing to celebrate. Beating you is not an accomplishment. Beating you doesn’t mean anything. It’s just going to be another tick forward on my record. Another meaningless statistic. If I beat somebody like Bella Madison or Frankie Holiday it means something. Hell, if I beat Cassie Wolfe or even Bea Barnhart it means something…”
“But beating you?”
“Destroying you?”
“I’m sorry, Seleana… it means nothing… and that is the saddest thing of all… old friend…”
