The Push
Pushing yourself harder is a natural thing when you’re an athlete. If you start at a young age and watch as your personal bests keep building upon each other, it motivates you to simply become a better version of yourself. Being able to look at yourself in the mirror, not merely screaming to avoid working out your own personal mental anxieties, but instead seeing the person that you are and the person you want to become is definitely something that athletes go through.
It is something that Alicia knew quite well. She would push herself harder and harder every single time. If she got knocked down, she would get right back up again, time and time again, and there was nothing that was going to stop her. But as you get older and you start to realize that your body might not be what it used to be, that is when the mental struggles begin.
You start to question if you are good enough to do this anymore. You start to wonder whether or not your time has come and the sun has set on your career, or whether or not you are good enough to simply exist in this world, or even if you want to go down that path and become just another name on a list.
After all, if you can no longer be physically the best, what’s the point?
And there was a bigger problem on the horizon. She was still a member of Wolfslair. And as such, she was expected to always be the best of the best. Everyone at the gym was expected to pull their weight. If you’re not currently signed to a company or if you weren’t currently able to wrestle, you still helped everyone else. You still helped everyone become better this week than they were last week. That was the concept of a team.
Alicia took a deep breath, pushing all of her fear and trepidation down. Normally, wrestling with anyone else on the grappling mats was easy for her. The only other member of the gym who would ever give her a hard time, to the point where she thought she might lose, was her sister at the height of her powers. But Zoey was no longer there. And now, all the new recruits, as well as existing members, were giving Alicia a run for her money. She couldn’t help but think to herself, was it because she was a step slower, or were they all getting better?
She leaned against the far wall, her legs outstretched as she watched everyone else grappling and moving along the mats. The sounds of verbal submissions and tap-outs happened all around her.
She looked across the gym floor, getting to her feet. She walked across to go and talk to Alex. She took a deep breath and folded her arms, standing next to him. Alex scanned the room, watching as everyone moved around. He knew Alicia was there, and he could tell that she wanted to talk about something. But he was also experienced enough to know that he had to let Alicia ask her questions or approach him. ”How’d you do it?”
”Hmmm?”
Alicia took a deep breath and shook her head, trying to gather her thoughts and her words. ”How did you come back from almost being retired to be a world champion? It might have been short, but you still did it.” Alex stayed silent. He had no idea how to explain it at that moment. Alicia swallowed hard and slowly looked over at her friend and in many ways, a mentor. ”You even said it. You thought you were done. You had one foot out the door and you even considered yourself to be retired at one point. So, how did you do it?”
”Honestly?… I don’t know.” He chuckled. He seemed to relax a little bit, becoming vulnerable with the woman who he had known for almost a decade. ”I lost that passion. That spark. Whenever I thought about getting into a ring or going to a show or going back to SCW, I kind of felt sick to my stomach. But slowly, that sick feeling started to disappear, and I realized I wanted to go back. And then it went from wanting to go back to needing to go back, like it’s an addiction or a sickness.”
Alicia laughed to herself; she knew exactly what Alex meant. It was something that everyone felt. If you were a professional wrestler for any amount of time, it is an addiction that you know all too well. ”But, you ended up becoming a world champion again. How did you know you were good enough to do it?”
”I didn’t.”
”What?”
Alex shook his head and turned toward Alicia. ”I had no idea if I was good enough to become a world champion again. I didn’t even know if I was good enough to get in the ring again and not make a fool of myself.” Alicia raised her eyebrows, Alex leaning closer and continuing. ”But that’s the nature of this. How many people in this business have you known that have overstayed their welcome? Where you watch them and you know what they used to be and the shell they’ve become and are now an embarrassment? But to them, it’s not about that. It’s about the need, the want, the addiction, the love.” Alex shrugged.
Alicia nodded slowly and cleared her throat. ”Weren’t you worried that you would be an embarrassment?”
”No… I’ve had amazing success, and I’ve had crushing defeat. The problem with being on top for so long and having the level of success that people like you or that I have had is that if you don’t live up to that success, you feel like a failure. But trust me when I say this: for people like you, for people like me, our failures are the successes of lesser people.” Alex smiled. His statement was dripping with arrogance, dripping with disrespect for other people and what they’ve been through. But those words were also something that gave Alicia confidence. He was right. Her career had been filled with so much success and so many accomplishments and championships and moments that even if she failed, it would still be something greater than what so many others had gone through.
And maybe that destination was going to be worth the journey…
Disco Fever
”The last time any of you saw me, I was pounding Song into the mat. Destroying her to the point where I don’t think she’s ever going to recover or we’re ever going to see her again. But then again, you don’t really know, do you? People disappear and reappear in this company at an alarming rate. Think about it, I’m only seen once every month, if that. It’s not bad really, to turn up to work once a month, get paid, and go home. It’s just too bad that’s not the type of person I am. There might be a lot of others in this company that are happy with that kind of bullshit, but not me. I still have a lot to offer this company and this business, and I’ll be damned if I spend the rest of my career sitting on the sidelines while others get booked despite the fact that they barely turn up.”
Alicia can’t help but smile and shake her head. Her long blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail as she folds her arms over her chest.
”But what a way to return after my match against Song. I get an opportunity to earn myself a championship match. The winner of this match gets to go on to face Harper Mason. And what a great win by Harper Mason—shocking the world and beating Victoria Lyons, who had held that Roulette Championship for over a year. It just goes to show that becoming complacent is a real thing and a real threat. Because let’s face it—if Victoria was at the top of her game, then she would never have lost to a woman like Harper Mason. And now Harper has to look at the four of us and wonder who she’s facing to keep her championship. And if I know anything about this business, I know that deep down Harper Mason is terrified that I’m going to end up coming out of this with my hand raised.”
“And she should be. Harper Mason is someone who I have faced, someone who I have beaten, and someone who is not fit to lace my boots. And the Roulette Championship is something that I’ve never held. It’s a mountain I’ve never conquered. So now I get an opportunity. I get an opportunity to face Harper Mason and become the Roulette Champion. And all I have to do to earn it is beat Cassie Wolfe, Bea Barnhart, and Seleana Zdunich.”
“And I have to do it in a… Disco Inferno Dance of Death match…”
“… right…”
“So, the way I’m reading this is that the four of us have to have a dance-off, and the winner gets a weapon of choice to start the match. Then we get a no-DQ match under a disco ball, and we have to listen to horrible ’70s music. Well, what can I say? You can’t make this shit up. I give whoever came up with this an A for originality but a B through Z for bullshit and stupidity.”
Alicia pauses and shakes her head again, grumbling under her breath as she is clearly annoyed.
“But at least I get to beat the hell out of Bea Barnhart. A woman who has been so inconsequential in this company for such a very long time that it’s very hard to come up with anything to say about her that hasn’t already been said ad nauseam. We could go on about her stupid husband, we could go on about her failure to do anything of note except for a small mixed tag team championship run. The truth is that Bea is just a name on a goddamn list. She’s on the payroll because we honestly have a shortage of bodies to put in the ring against the real stars. No one cares about you, nobody takes you seriously, and when push comes to shove, there is not one person on this planet who believes you are going to become a champion at all, let alone the Roulette Champion.”
“That might seem harsh, but it’s the truth. You are nothing. You have never been anything. Your husband is a joke, but he’s only a joke in the way that he says and does stupid things. You, on the other hand, are the sad kind of joke. The type that people see in the street and then turn away out of sheer embarrassment of being anywhere near you. And the worst part? Deep down, I think you know it.”
“Deep down, Bea, I think if you looked in the mirror, you would know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“You would look at yourself and be able to judge exactly the kind of person that you are and who you want to be. You don’t take anything seriously. If you lose a match, you are the type of person who will sit there and completely ignore it and learn nothing from it. I’m not even sure why you’ve been able to stay employed as a professional wrestler as long as you have, because you just simply do not do anything or add anything of note or consequence to any company that you are in. And the fact that you are in this four-way just goes to show that they will give anyone an opportunity. In one way, it’s a positive, and in another way, it’s a negative—because why the hell should you be given anything aside from a beating?”
She sneezed, turning her nose up and showing her arrogance. But is it an earned arrogance? Many would say so.
“But while Bea is a never-was, we go to Seleana Zdunich, a has-been. Or can we really call her that? After all, we look at someone like you and we call you a has-been because there was a small period of time that you meant something. A small spark where you were worthy of holding a championship. But enough time has passed, and you have failed so many times that I don’t even think you have that anymore. I don’t think you have that right to call yourself a has-been. A fluke might be more appropriate. There was a time when you could’ve held yourself in higher regard than someone like Bea…”
“But Seleana, over the last few years you have done nothing. You beat me once upon a time. You beat me when I was at the height of my powers, and you were able to call yourself a world champion. But as our careers have diverged, I have done everything, from taking time off from career-threatening injuries, to contemplating retirement, to coming back and beating fellow Hall of Fame-quality names. While all you have done is become an even bigger joke.”
“Between you and Bea… there is barely any value there.”
“So, you got handed an opportunity to win this clusterfuck of a match to get a shot against Harper Mason. And if Harper wanted the night off, I’m sure she’d face either of you two. But instead, well… instead, she’s going to end up having to face me.”
She shrugs and laughs to herself.
“Then again, it might be Cassie Wolfe. After all, she is the most talented out of the three opponents that I’m facing. Then again, saying that she is the best of three is like saying she’s the smartest kid with Down syndrome. But tell me, Cassie, do you want to face your little friend Harper for the Roulette Championship? Seems like it would be a little redundant having you two face each other. Harper needs an opponent like me. An opponent like me will either legitimize her as a champion or it will show that she simply isn’t ready to be a champion. You won’t do that. You won’t push her like I will, Cassie.”
“If you were a real friend and a real patriot, you would want her to face the best of the best to see if she could simply hold up to me. But you probably won’t. You probably want to be selfish and take that championship opportunity and even take the championship from Harper. But it’s not going to be you, Cassie. It’s going to be me. I’m going to beat the brakes off the three of you, and I’m going to walk into a match against Harper for the Roulette Championship, and I’m going to do something that I’ve never done. I’m going to win my fourth championship in this company, and I’m going to win a championship that I’ve never held before. And I refuse to let any of you stop me.”
