[The Troll]

The camera flickers on and rather than the usual set up in the basement of his Mother's house in relative Parts Unknown, we are instead "treated" to a rare public appearance of sorts of the Man himself. The shot is a closeup shot of the Troll's pudgy kisser, or rather, his nose, until it draws back and we get his round face staring into the camera with a faux sense of annoyance and disdain.

The Troll: Yo! You know who this is; it's me. Your boy the Troll. Now I was prepared to grace you all with my usual presence in my set up back home because that's where the people love to see me, but I had a task that I just couldn't get out of and so I decided that I was going to...

Mother: GABRIEL!!!

The Troll closes his eyes and exhales sharply at the timely interruption of his Mother, wherever she might be.

The Troll: Yes Ma?

Mother: What do you think of this one? Isn't it precious!?

The Troll: It's fine, Ma! Let's take it and go!

Mother: YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK!!!

The Troll rolls his eyes and turns his head to look off in the direction his mother must be and he immediately frowned and wrinkled his nose.

The Troll: No, Ma! Christ!

Mother: What's wrong with it!?

The Troll: It looks like a dirty piece of brillow with legs!

Mother: Oh for the love of... What a terrible thing to say!

As his Mother goes on about her business, the Troll does the same.

The Troll: My Ma got it into her head that she needs a dog for additional company... I know! Like I'm not enough??? Me, her baby boy! But apparently when I go on the road for SCW and she's not up for tagging along, she wants some smelly animal that licks itself for company. If she wanted that, she could hang out with Old Lady Agnes and her Garden Club down the street! But... she's my Ma and despite what some people think or say, I take care of her! So... I brought her here.

He turns his camera around and now we see that we are located at the local 'No Kill' animal shelter. Several dogs have been brought out from the back where the kennels are kept and into this socialization room to meet prospective adoption 'parents'. Many a dog was wandering around of all ages, shapes and sizes. From German shepherds puppies to a grown Labrador Retriever and everything else in between, the dogs were a bundle of nerves meeting prospective parents.

The camera turns back around to the Troll's face.

The Troll: Yeah, yeah! I can hear it already from all of my critics and the so-called experts who make it difficult for those of us who really do know everything about anything! And I can especially hear  it from that old man they have me scheduled against this weekend! "Bulldog" Bill Barnhart! The Golden Ghoul of Professional Wrestling! Well, let me make things divinely simple for all you simple minded people who don't "get me" like my peeps do....

Mother: GABRIEL! What about THIS one???

The Troll turns his head again and does a double take.

The Troll: No, Ma! It's fur is too long and it has no tail!

Mother: So!?

The Troll: So you can't tell if you're kissing its nose or its...

Mother: GABRIEL WANK!!

The Troll winces and he returns to his video feed.

The Troll: As I was saying, there is nothing symbolic going on here with my standing in a kennel and my opponent being some old mutt that is heading toward the Green Mile. Ready to be put down. All of this...? Is just pure, dumb luck. Which is just what my old man opponent is going through, getting this match in the first place. I admit I'm a bit insulted that they booked me against this washed up, old man to earn my way into the big Elimination Chamber, rather than just give me the spot that I rightly deserve! But you know the old saying: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. And I plan to beat the Bulldog as quickly as possible, take my rightful spot and put Barnhart out to pasture at the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm or wherever old dogs go to live out their remaining years. And then... I am going to win it all against those other losers and take my rightful World Heavyweight...

Mother: Gabriel!

The Troll huffs.

The Troll: Yes, Ma?

Mother: I found the perfect little puppy to join our family!

The Troll: Great, Ma! Sign the paper work and let's go home!

Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll

The Troll sits there in front of the camera, a sour expression on his face and the bulldog puppy in his lap. The puppy just staring up at him.

The Troll: Not. A. Word!