“In a single Bombshells internet championship reign, I have broken the record for most defenses and the longest reign and that, along with my success in SCW is something that I’m never taking for granted. Before I got here, I was a mess with a horrible reputation and on top of that fact, I ended things with my previous company on awful terms. My past is something that even now, I’m still atoning for and I know deep down that I won’t be done with that until I win my fifth world championship. Blast from the Past is going to be the next step in fully redeeming myself and putting the icing on the cake to my incredible career. Once more, it’s time for me to soak in the spotlight I’m about to step into…”
January 24, 2021
A week prior to my defense against Candy, Jazmyn Rain and I were in my Saxon suite watching a monitor of the Blast from the Past draw taking place. She and I were having a bit of a laugh together.
“Seeing Andrea get worked up over Bill Barnhart is hilarious as hell, I have to admit that.” Jazmyn told me.
“Hopefully she learns someday. Still… Blast from the Past… a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. I’m not taking it for granted because this may be the only chance I have to be part of something so special. I’m not nervous because I know I am capable of teaming with ANYONE to win that tournament.”
“Yeah… you are…” Jazmyn said as she looked at the screen. “...even if that someone is… MAC BANE?!?!?! Oh, HE got drawn! UGH! FUCK HIM!”
Jazmyn had a history with Mac back in Carnage Wrestling that didn’t go too well and her sudden bitterness caught me by surprise.
“Jaz, really?”
“Sorry, it’s just… Carnage… UGH! Horrid experience for me, you know that! I’d hate to be drawn to team up with that guy…”
Right on cue, my name popped up next to Mac’s, much to Jazmyn’s anger.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? REALLY!?!?! Oh my GOD, you’re so SCREWED!”
I widened my eyes in surprise at Jazmyn’s behavior, but when I looked at the screen, I couldn’t help but smile at this. Jazmyn saw my expression and she was the one that was bewildered now.
“How can you be happy about this?” she asked me. “He comes from CARNAGE, remember? You and I… when we were there… we HATED that place… and in YOUR case, they REALLY didn’t like you in Baltimore.”
“I’m happy about it because for me, that’s the best draw that I can possibly have. It’s fitting in a way. I’m atoning for some of the awful things and the terrible behavior I’ve exhibited in the past and I get paired up with someone tied to a company where I had one of my worst screw ups? I mean come on… the story writes itself.”
“You have NOTHING to prove to them.”
“...it’s not about that” I said with an exasperated sigh. “I fucked up there. I know it’s not my primary motivation, but if Mac and I win the tournament, that’s going to be a big deal for me. For me, it’s like I’ve atoned for the way I behaved while I was there. Jaz, I know that Carnage was a terrible time for you…”
“Yeah… that’s an understatement…” she angrily said as she folded her arms.
“There were things there I wasn’t a fan of… but we’re adults, Jaz. We get over these things. I’m over it… and in all honesty, the environment I hated so much down there? I created it. Instead of being what I’ve been in SCW, I was bitter about the stupidest things. I let my hatred and my jealousy of certain people always being in the spotlight destroy me when I should’ve done a better job to do something about what I didn’t like about that place. Carnage was my own fault, Jazmyn.”
“They treated you and me like shit though…”
I was the one sighing with annoyance as I just wasn’t having it with the fact that she wasn’t letting go of the experience.
“And you and I both know that Mac Bane is a bitter old bastard and won’t forget how you were in that company… and he’s fucking Amber who you beat in SCW and it’s all going to be this BIG CONSPIRACY where he SCREWS YOU for REVENGE ALL IN THE NAME OF CARNAGE! It’s a CONSPIRACY!!!!”
“SHUT UP, JAZMYN! GOD!” I screamed out in anger. “Get over yourself, do what I did and move on!”
“How can you be over it? How can you be happy to team with someone who would want to screw you over?”
“He WON’T, Jazmyn… because we’re BOTH going to want the same thing. Why would he want to screw himself over? I get you and him had… issues… but… we’re all adults here. I’m ECSTATIC with my draw and obviously, my hope is that he shares that same enthusiasm. But he and I are both about this business and I TRUST him on that. The past is the past. I’m over it. He’s over it. Two days after I left Carnage, I broke down…”
Mentioning this caused me to really pause and reflect as some old, guilty feelings began to flood inside of my heart.
“...I realized… that I fucked up in a big way. I was blind and stupid while I was there. I did nothing but moan, complain and cause a lot of problems for folks behind the scenes. I was competing for my own selfish desires instead of the big picture. You should’ve seen me, Jaz. I was bawling. I was scared that I had blacklisted myself out of the business. I felt horrible that I treated that company the way they did after they had welcomed me with open arms. I knew there was no turning back and I was scared and lonely realizing that I may have just ended my own career with my departure from them. It sucked… it was a rock bottom feeling…”
My guilty feelings inside of me had me feeling a little more melancholy in the moment.
“...and it was then when I realized that I had to change… that the only way I could ever be happy with myself and with my career was to change and finally grow up after so many years. I made a promise to myself that if by some ‘miracle’ I got one last chance in this business, that things were going to be different… and I’m so proud of the fact that I’ve fulfilled that promise. I cracked in Carnage because I couldn’t handle the spotlight… period…”
“Not the first time…” Jazmyn said with a sullen sigh. “...this tournament is a huge spotlight too… and you’ve never handled it well… not before SCW…”
“I know. The tournament is going to be my biggest spotlight in SCW to date. I know that when it comes to the spotlight, I’ve collapsed, let it get to me and outcomes not going my way in that type of situation have caused me to do some really horrible things…”
“You don’t need to explain that to me, Myra… considering that I was the victim of many of those horrible things…” Jazmyn said, as tears began to flood her eyes. This sight caused me to feel even more guilt. “...and I’m scared about what will happen if something like the tournament doesn’t go your way. I’m worried that there can be some big, heartbreaking loss that causes you to snap, relapse and… fuck up all over again. Your inability to succeed in the spotlight at various points in your career has ALWAYS been the cause of the rifts in our friendship over the years… and… I’m so scared that I’m going to lose you… AGAIN…”
Jazmyn had to wipe away a tear, further emphasizing the pain I’ve put her through the years as a result of my own insecurities. I gave her a reassuring hug, briefly reflecting on many of the times I failed in the spotlight: from failing to break into the main event scene in UWA and Carnage, to ‘that match’ in PRW. I briefly reflected on the consequences of all of it ranging from the many times Jazmyn and I fell apart to my abuse of Andrea in GCW. The guilt hurt my heart, but in my head, I knew it painted the picture of exactly what I had to atone for…
“It’s going to be different, I promise…” I said in a soft tone of voice, further reassuring her. “You’re not going to lose me again. My experiences in SCW have made me SO much better and have taught me to FULLY believe in myself. Everything I’ve accomplished here has made me stronger, smarter, better… and if I fail to win the tournament, I’ll be fine. It’s just another opportunity for me to grow and take that next step. SCW is the place where I finally learned how to grasp the spotlight and my Internet title reign alone proves that.”
“It does… and I’m sorry for being so emotional. It’s just… we’ve known each other forever and it always hurts to lose you…”
“I know it does… and I swear on my mother’s grave I’ll never hurt you or anyone I care about again! This tournament is going to be a showcase of the woman I’ve become and the start of the crystallization of the complete wrestler I’m becoming… and when I have a world title to be proud of, at last? It’s going to be the greatest feeling in the world…”
Jazmyn and I exchanged a hug and carried on with our day as the fire within me for the tournament was only beginning to spark. Following my win over Candy, that spark became a blaze… one that truly motivated me to be at my very best for Blast from the Past…
February 12, 2021…
“I’ve won four world championships in my career…” I thought to myself as I looked at the WXWF World Championship, and a replica of the PRW World and GCW Global Championships I had won in the past on my bedroom counter, with the one from PRW being a two-time conquest. I took a quick glance at my shut off camera in the back corner of the room, then continued my thoughts “...and yet, as I think through them all, I don’t gain full satisfaction from any of them. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve won all four, but I know in my heart that each one carries an asterisk that proves that I wasn’t in the prime of my career… not like now…”
I grabbed the WXWF title and looked at the mirror as I slung it over my shoulder. Holding my first world title ever would be a happy moment for any wrestler, but not for me. I was barely cracking a smile at this.
“This was the realization of a dream for me…” I said to myself in the mirror. “...but the company was such small peanuts… it’s embarrassing. How could I ever be happy with winning a title in what I felt like was a sham company?”
My imagination began to run wild a bit as the presence of Kirk Storm, my biggest bully, hater and doubter from the NSWA days, appeared in the reflection. I was imagining him, of course, because during this era, he was the personification of ‘doubt’ during the early part of my career and he’d ALWAYS diminish everything I ever did.
"WXWF lasted only for what? Two months?” I imagined Kirk telling me with a sneer on his face, making me a little bit more ashamed of the accomplishment, even if it was for a moment. “That title doesn't mean a damn thing! You couldn't get fulfillment from that!"
I sighed and accepted the truth, no matter how much a big part of me wanted to fight back.
"And I didn't…” I admitted to Kirk in the mirror inside of my own mind. “It sucked that WXWF became so insolvent so fast, but winning this tournament and my 5th world title in the prime of my career, in the toughest environment I've ever wrestled in, in a legitimate company, I know I can get fulfillment out of that.”
I chuckled as I saw Kirk disappear from the mirror in his own disgust in my mind as I put down the title. I then picked up the PRW World Championship replica and flung it over my shoulder. As I reflected on my second and third world title wins, I was a bit disappointed. PRW lasted so much longer, and yet, the flaws those reigns carried disappointed me. My late father being the next to appear in the mirror didn’t help me feel better.
“When you won the PRW World title the first time, you were handed that title shot…” my father reminded me to my own disappointment. “You only got it because the champion was injured and had to vacate. And what? You proved how much of a fluke it was by only holding it for two months? You got lucky..."
My eyes narrowed with disappointment, hating the fact that my second world title carried that negative footnote. Still, with a cold, determined stare, I answered him in my own thoughts.
"Maybe I benefited from circumstance... that's true... and in hindsight, it's not the way I'd ever want a world title shot…” I admitted to my father, who smirked at me. “But here in SCW? I've NEVER been handed anything. I've EARNED what I've achieved. I've EARNED my Internet Championship. I've EARNED my records... and I'm going to earn the spotlight I'm about to have when I win this tournament and win #5. I've long proven that my run here isn't a fluke…”
I glared at the image of my father in the mirror as he angrily disappeared. I felt some more pride in my SCW run as I strapped the PRW title around my waist. Yet, Jayson, my ex-boyfriend, was the next one to appear in the mirror in my own imagination.
“Funny…” I said to him. “...are you here to put a dent in my third world title win?”
Jayson just bust out laughing for a few moments.
“You only won your 3rd world title because you took the backdoor.” Jayson told me as I just scoffed at his attempt to put an asterisk on it “You never pinned/submitted the actual champion or even gave him a rematch for it. You pinned me, under triple threat rules. You took the easy way out and you know it!"
All I could do was roll my eyes at him, knowing that he was being a sore loser just like he always was when I had him in my life.
"Sure, I would've loved to have pinned the champion, and it sucks that I didn't because that asterisk hung over my head.” I admitted this casually, secure with myself to the point where this criticism wasn’t bothering me. “But, from the first day that I've been in SCW, I've done it all the hard way. This tournament is going to be another example of doing just that and I'm going to come away with the world championship I've always dreamed about… there’s nothing EASY about the journey I’m about to partake..."
I imagined my ex flipping me off before disappearing, giving me a moment to laugh to myself. I unstrapped and put the PRW title down, then picked up the replica of the GCW Global title and flung it over my shoulder. Guilt begin to drown my soul in this moment… especially as I imagined my old, dark, evil self from that era of my career appearing in the mirror.”
“You couldn't win your 4th without caving into me and by manipulating and cheating your way to it….” she reminded me, further driving home my guilt. “You've always cracked in the spotlight. No wonder you've only been world champion once in the last decade. You couldn't win the honorable way..."
"I regret that I won my last world title the way I did... but I know I am more than making up for it.” I said to my darker half. “Yes, the main event spotlight IS a brighter spotlight... but what I've proven is that I can beat big name wrestlers on a big stage, with High Stakes being the perfect example of that when I retained my Internet title against a former world and Roulette Champion… I DON’T need you… I never did… and I never will… so fuck off back to the dark corner of my mind will you…”
I glared at my darker half as she disappeared from the mirror. I put down the replica of my last world title to date, took one last glance at the titles in front of me, and felt a new wave of determination going through me as I left the mirror behind and went for my camera. I set up the camera on the counter under the mirror and turned it on before going back and sitting on the edge of my bed. The next words that came out of me were to my own reflection and they weren’t from my own mind, they were aloud and public to the world.
“Blast from the Past means the damn world to me…” I said as I continued to reflect on my whole entire wrestling journey. “I’ve hungered for this opportunity for so long now. Before I came to Sin City Wrestling, I admit that I wasn’t ready for the spotlight. But I have proven that I am now. It’s not going to be easy, granted I drew a hell of a partner in Mac Bane. Yet, I can’t help but imagine how it would feel if we were to pull it off. I know how much winning this tournament would mean for me personally. Winning this tournament and winning my fifth world title would mean so much to me because it would feel like I’ve finally put it all together in professional wrestling nearly thirty years since I was that sweet, naive seven year old little girl that just wanted to follow in her mother’s footsteps.
It would mean the world to me because I would finally feel like a complete wrestler.
It would mean EVERYTHING for me to pull this off because in my heart, I can finally say that I’ve earned a world championship without all of the asterisks. I’d finally be able to say that I’m a world champion of a real company… without benefitting from circumstances, without taking the ‘easy way out’, without cheating and manipulating my way to the top as I had done before…
I’d finally win a world championship that would be truly FULFILLING for me! The road will be hard… but I KNOW I can do this and I know I can finally prove to myself without a shadow of a doubt that I AM a positive testament to this business in every way…”
I took a pause, feeling both the sense of pride in myself for the way my SCW career had gone so far and the determination that I had in my heart to make the most out of the opportunity in front of me.
“That’s why I couldn’t pass up this tournament… along with the fact that at my age, it could be the only chance I have of being part of this. The fact that I’ve been drawn with someone that was part of a past that I’m not proud of just makes this all the more fitting and let me just say that I have every ounce of confidence in the world in Mac Bane as my partner. Seeing what he did in Baltimore while I was wrestling there, I know exactly what he’s capable of. I saw what he accomplished here when he was the Roulette Champion and I know that he is seen as a potential future world champion. It warmed my heart to read the tweet he sent me over social media not just because it gave me the amazing feeling in knowing that I could trust him through this tournament, but also because for me, it was a big step in atoning for my past… and defeating Max Burke and Amy Santino? Yeah, that’s going to be the next step in that. Max represents a HORRIBLE aspect of the business in GRIME. It’s bad enough that someone from GRIME just won my division’s roulette championship… but I really do NOT want someone associated with GRIME to be world champion in SCW. That’d be a nightmare. Maybe there was a time in my earlier career where GRIME and I would’ve clicked, but that time has come and gone and I KNOW that Mac will do his part of ridding this tournament of someone like that. Max may be strong in the sense that he’s dominated SCU for a long time, but Mac? All I’ve ever seen him do is tear down the joint everywhere he’s shared a roster. Sorry about your damn luck, Max… what YOU represent isn’t going any further in this tournament…
That brings me to YOU, Amy Santino. THANKFULLY, you’re not like that. It’s too bad that you were paired up with Max because I have heard good things about you and I admire what you represent. You were, in the early days of this division, one of the forerunners of it. In the days where the likes of Misty, Raynin, Mercedes Vargas and Vixen were the dominant women of this division, you were right there with them. I respect that. I admire the distinction that you have of being a Grand Slam Champion! You’ve been there and you’ve done it all! You have EVERYTHING to be proud of and yet… the fact that you’re in this tournament makes me think of one question to ask you.
What brings YOU back to the dance?
Someone that’s accomplished what you have would be happy sitting back and soaking in everything that they’ve accomplished, but you’re not wired that way. With all due respect Amy, I think what brings you back to the dance can be summed up in one simple word: fulfillment.
Somewhere inside of you, you don’t feel like you’ve capped off your career the way you want it to. Maybe there are some personal things involved too, but a wrestler that comes back for an opportunity like this typically comes back because they feel like they still have something to prove and I KNOW that’s how you feel! I’ve been there! I was RETIRED from this business in early 2013, mainly to become a mother. But nearly 20 months after I gave birth to my daughter, I was back in the business because I wanted to write a much better ending for my career and I wanted to prove that I could still be one of the best. But… I’ve never been a grand slam winner like you, Amy, in any company I’ve been with. You want to know why you have something to prove? Because I know that a while back, months before I got to this company, you were greatly struggling to the point where newcomers like Bella Madison were beating you. You were mainly in the mixed tag team division, not making much of a mark there and never winning the titles the last time you were around, with your last match to date being High Stakes IX when you and Acquin failed to win the tag team titles in that ladder match.
You have something to prove because even earlier in your career, for all of your accomplishments, you were never THE standout… not when you had title reigns that never passed the 49 day mark… not when your last championship was more than 3 years ago and Jessie Salco beat you for it… not when you only won the world title ONCE back in 2015 and you lost it 28 days later to Raynin… not when you held my current championship twice and each time, you lost it after a month! I don’t bring up any of this to put you down or to diminish what you’ve accomplished. I bring this up knowing that if that were ME, if that were MY resume… being the Bombshell that knew how to win championships but not how to keep them… I’d be chomping at the bit to be better than that and to prove that I can be among the standouts of the division. Winning this tournament and going on to win the world title would be an incredible story for you, Amy… considering the above that I’d mentioned. It’d be the greatest comeback story in SCW history!
But unfortunately, it’s not going to get past Mac and I.
Because as determined as you are, I’m even MORE determined. I’m a four time world champion in my own right, but every world title I’ve won carries that annoying asterisk that allows any critic to say ‘Yeah, but…’
I came into SCW just like you are coming into this tournament: with something to prove. I wanted to prove that the best years of my career were ahead of me and not behind me despite my age and through my record breaking Internet Championship reign, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I wanted to prove that I can hang and overcome the toughest adversity in the form of this division’s competition that I’ve ever faced in my career and I’ve done that in spades with some wins over some huge names: like Amber, Sam, Seleana, Kate and Alicia. At the age of 36, I’m on one of the biggest tears I’ve ever been on as a professional wrestler, slowly but surely atoning for the sins of my past! I came here to prove that I can be a REAL World Champion… that I can come to one of the best wrestling companies in the world such as SCW and BE the very best I can be and to win one more world championship! I came here to show that I can win a world championship without being a “right time, right place” fluke, without ‘backing into’ a world title by winning one without pinning the champion and casting doubt upon my accomplishment, without resorting to fucked up, cheating methods as I did with my last world championship a few years back.
I want that final piece of the puzzle Amy, that will not only complete my atonement and my redemption for all the times along the way in my career where I was a multi-time SCREW UP behind the scenes, but will put the icing on the cake of my incredible career and bring my entire wrestling journey full circle as I make so many people… many of whom I’ve disappointed and let down over and over throughout the years… proud of me!
I KNOW you want this Amy… you probably want this BADLY… but with everything I just described, I know in my heart of hearts that for as bad as you want it, I want it that much more than you do to FINALLY prove to myself that I can reach my fullest potential… that I WILL reach it… and that I will finally, at long past, become whole and complete in my craft.
I know that’s what you want for yourself as well Amy… but at this moment, only one of us gets to be one step closer to that… and come Sunday, it’s going to be me!
I may have proven so much since I’ve been here… but I know I still have much more to prove… much more than you do, to myself mostly… and Mac and I defeating you and Max is going to be another step on the road to getting there and to fulfilling one final dream for me as a professional wrestler!”
I took a deep breath and stood up to walk back toward the camera. I quickly shut it off and looked at the world championships I had won from federations past.
“My journey to add to this collection… It begins on Sunday. And I’m going to make damn sure it’s a successful one no matter who tries to deny me this tournament… when the dust settles, I know I’ll have a world title that I can finally feel a sense of fulfillment with...”
I maintained my poise, confidence and most of all my determination as I exited my bedroom and moved forward with my evening and my journey...
