Summer XXXtreme…
Time stood still after Kate Steele had handed me the Internet Championship and walked away. That championship in my hands gave me the purest, most amazing feeling that I had experienced in a wrestling ring in such a long time. Yes, there was some surprise in the back of my mind that Kate pulled a classy move, but later on, when I had a moment to myself, my career flashed before my very eyes.
I quickly recalled the first day I ever met my trainer, Scott Lockley and when he told me that wrestling was more about being the biggest star in the world. I remembered the pure elation that I felt when I won my first championship of what was now 19. I recalled the emotional high that I experienced when I was a world champion for the first time more than 12 years ago. But now? I was feeling that joy in my heart. Happy, yet composed, I was inside of the room I had on the cruise, having my moment. Through all the joy, I was also experiencing a moment of positive disbelief.
“How do I keep doing this?” I asked myself in my own bewilderment.
Winning… that was a great feeling in and of itself. But the joy in my heart was more than just winning.
It was the fact that I fought to the very best of my wrestling ability: no shenanigans, no controversy, and I went out and won the championship in my hands fair and square, by beating one of the hardest opponents I’ve ever faced in the toughest environment I’ve ever competed in.
“Is this the biggest moment of my career?” I asked myself. “Is it better than the last time I was a world champion? Actually… it is…”
I had no shame in admitting that considering I had won my most recent world championship a few years back due to interference from someone else… which, in fact, gave me a brief, guilty feeling in my gut for about three seconds at that point.
“Is it better than the three world titles before that? Those were some great moments…” I recalled “...but with all due respect to those companies, the competition I faced then… is NOTHING compared to the competition I’ve been overcoming lately. More than ninety percent of the wrestlers I competed against a decade plus ago are gone… I’ve had some amazing moments, no question about that…”
My career continued to flash before my eyes as I continued to recall some of my greatest triumphs and other championship victories. There was championship number 18 in Carnage when I regained the Ultraviolent Championship there, but that came attached with controversy considering I had snapped and taken out the old champion during that match.
There was number fifteen back in 2017 in UWA when I had regained a championship that I had lost… but that was due to help from someone that I couldn’t stand and how I’d never even ask for any help at all.
There was my third world championship back in 2010, nearly 10 years ago, in a triple threat match… which carried the asterisk of having pinned someone other than the champion.
“...this one… it feels so fucking great because… there were no strings attached. No asterisks… nothing…” I said to myself. “I didn’t win this title as an injury replacement, nor did I win it to fill a vacancy… casting a shadow over my reign because I didn’t have to go through the champion before… I didn’t win in a cheap company that only lasted two months… I did it somewhere notorious… a place where I’m facing the best competition of my career… no controversy, no chance of criticism, there’s no way anyone can take this away from me…”
This realization brought a smile to my face as I stood up and soaked in everything… my entire story… that led me to this incredible moment.
“Maybe this really is the biggest moment of my career…” I admitted. “...all things considered… it’s hard to make an argument otherwise. The best part of it all is that this could very well be the beginning of the best part of my career… even at my age. It’s funny…”
I paused for a second, continuing to take things in stride, remembering the circumstances in which I came to Sin City Wrestling to begin with, remembering a time when things weren’t the brightest, when there were so many concerns about my ability to even be a viable competitor in the company.
“...I remember when people thought that things were just about to wrap up for me… when there were people that had the nerve to ask why Sin City Wrestling would ever sign me at all…”
I left my own room after this to continue to process what I was quickly realizing was a top 3 victory for my entire career… if not the biggest moment that I’ve ever had in such a historic run that so many wrestlers would only dream about.
“I was left for dead after Carnage… written off as someone whose career was over. I remember when the news broke out about my signing and how just that ALONE was a massive shocker…”
As I continued to soak in the sights and the sounds of Summer XXXtreme throughout the night, I remembered that moment and the day where word was out everywhere regarding my SCW signing and the beginning of what is looking like one hell of a journey for someone my age…
My run in this company may be young, but so far? Considering the women I’ve faced and the women I’ve beaten? Win or lose, I’m sure as hell showing that I’m quite an ageless wonder with all the odds I keep defying… starting from that moment when my signing was announced and all the critics came to play...
April 13, 2020
I remembered being down in my Miami basement intensely focused on staying in shape. I had a podcast playing in the background on a laptop while I was firing away at a punching bag, firing jab after jab, delivering the heat and putting all of my energy into releasing some inner rage that was still boiling inside of me. Boxing had always been one of my outlets and I was just getting warmed up knowing that my wrestling journey wasn’t over yet.
“On to some big wrestling news here on Ike and Ike Inside the Wrestling Ring…” I heard the podcast say as I fired some lighter jabs. “...did you hear about SCW’s new signing? They signed Myra Lynwood… I’m sorry… it’s RIVERS now… back to her old name in fact…”
“I take it she’s going to be taking on the role of a trainer, right?” I heard the co-host say to my disgust.
“No… she’s going there to wrestle.”
At this moment, I heard both hosts laugh, which really angered me.
“You’re kidding right? The last time she wrestled, she was getting carried out on a stretcher like an irrelevant piece of shit while Jack Michaels and JC were arguing in a Carnage Wrestling ring after the former beat the shit out of her. We’re talking about advanced competition here. Maybe if she was 25… SURE… GREAT signing… but… she’s old…”
“I agree with you, Ike B… this has to be one of those Mercedes Vargas, Jessie Salco type signings if you know what I mean. Hey, maybe the three of them can be the basis of a Sin City Wrestling Senior Circuit…”
My eyes narrowed with anger as I fired harder and harder jabs, listening to this complete nonsense and dismissal.
“Listen Boss Ike… she’s not going to make it. I’m surprised SCW even signed her considering the baggage she brings. Even if she DIDN’T have such a notoriously terrible reputation for being one of the most ungrateful bitches of her wrestling generation, let’s be real here… she’s too old…”
“Too old, huh?” I asked as I fired my hardest punch yet.
“...she’s not going to be able to keep up with the Alicias, the Bobbies, the Andreas and the Candies of the world… I bet the only reason she was even signed is because her former protege did her a solid… I mean… you’d think Andrea would have that sway now that she’s world champ, right?”
Without even expressing another thought, the podcast suddenly cut off. I turned to my right and I saw my sister Adrianna looking at me with some concern in her eyes.
“Sin City Wrestling, huh?” Adrianna asked me. “I knew you weren’t going out of this business the way you went out at Carnage but damn… you couldn’t have joined like… an easier wrestling company or something?”
“What do you mean an easier wrestling company?” I asked my sister as I kept firing the hardest jabs that I could against the punching bag. “Are you saying that you don’t believe in me? Is that it? Because as you just heard, there’s not a lot of people out there that think I can make it… because I’m ‘too old’, or because I carry too much baggage…”
“You do sis…” Adrianna reminded me. “...you really left Carnage a complete embarrassment after you smacked them in the face by deciding to leave after everything they did for you. But, I do believe in you…”
“So why are you questioning my choice?” I asked as she approached me. “If you really believed in me, you wouldn’t be…”
I wanted to keep firing away at the punching bag, but Adrianna got too close to me to risk any sort of blowback that might catch her in the face somehow. Adrianna stood in front of me and separated me from the punching bag a little bit more before she walked me to the bottom of the stairs. We both sat down and she reached out to my wrists trying to be helpful with my gloves.
“Here, let me take care of that…” she offered, as she loosened up the laces on my boxing gloves.
“No… I got it…” I said stubbornly.
“You’re hot right now…” my sister said with concern. “...and you need to cool down for the moment…”
I rolled my eyes, reluctantly relenting as she took the boxing gloves off of my hands and set them aside.
“Myra, I’m not like those jerks on that podcast…” Adrianna began to explain. “It’s not that I don’t believe in you. It’s not that you’re not good enough to be a tough competitor in Sin City Wrestling. You are… but you’re fighting an uphill battle. Personally, and please don’t take this the wrong way… you’re joining the toughest division in wrestling about five to eight years too late. I’d be much more sure of this if you were still in your late 20’s, heck even 30… but 35 going on 36? I’m not so sure this is a good idea…”
“I appreciate your concern… but I know what I’m doing…” I said in an attempt to assure her. “I can go to an easier company and collect a bunch of championships if I wanted to. Hell, I can even go back to Global Championship Wrestling, start fresh, have one hell of a redemption story considering all the hell that I caused there during my time, and maybe even pick up another two or three world championships with how dedicated I am to this… but… it wouldn’t feel right to do something like that…”
I sighed, still feeling a bit sullen with how I left Carnage Wrestling and going through the guilt of my GCW days. I was feeling this pull and this fire in my heart when I thought about Sin City Wrestling going with my gut feeling that it was the place I HAD to go to in order to write the best ending to my career that I possibly could.
“It would feel like it’s far too easy…” I told my sister. “Yeah, I can go back to GCW but… would I be fulfilled by that? Would going back to familiar territory and being back on top there really make me a better wrestler? I love GCW to death, Adri… but I need to challenge myself. I need to know exactly how good of a professional wrestler I really am and I know that Sin City Wrestling for someone my age who’s never faced that level of competition before… they’d consider it career suicide. But I know deep down in my heart of hearts that I’m not just any women’s wrestler in their mid-30’s… I admit, I was shocked that the higher ups there even wanted to talk to me at all… but if they have that kind of faith in me to make an investment in me… then I’m doing something right.”
I sighed, before summing up what I was feeling in a statement that would ultimately become prophetic.
“I just feel that at this point… going to Sin City Wrestling and becoming a Bombshell Roulette or an Internet Champion at some point… or hell… titles aside… facing and beating big names like Kate Steele, Roxi Johnson, Sam Marlowe… and hell… even Andrea… on a stage like High Stakes for instance… would be more fulfilling and a far better way to write the final chapter of my career than going back to GCW and winning one more world championship… even doing it the right way…”
The pull in my heart only got stronger as my convictions felt more perfect than they ever did in my long career. Adrianna looked at me with the acknowledgement in her eyes that she saw where I was coming from.
“You’re right sis…” Adrianna admitted. “...and I really admire you for taking on what you and I both know is going to be the biggest challenge of your career. Just gaining a win on a big stage over one of those names you just mentioned really would carry more weight than going back to GCW and being successful there again… but…”
Adrianna grabs my wrist and her eyes are telling a different story. I could tell that she’s really worried about me.
“I know how you’ve gotten in the past… when you get frustrated… when things don’t go your way. With the level of competition there, it’s possible that you can wrestle 20 matches there and win about six or seven… and knowing you like I do… that type of thing is hard for you to handle. Every time that the pressure has become too much for you, every time that things go awry for you… you burn the bridge…”
“It’s going to be different this time… I promise…”
“No… promising isn’t going to be good enough… because when you won the Ultraviolent Championship the first time in Carnage, you made that same promise… and even though it was for a moment, you went back to your old ways and then you burned your bridge with that company because you were completely ungrateful about what you had in that Ultraviolent title.”
“It’s NOT going to happen like that…”
“Myra, I’ve stood by your side for 12 years, through good times and bad. Through those 12 years, you’ve made the same mistakes over and over again. Promises mean NOTHING! If you burn this bridge with Sin City Wrestling…” I would be caught by surprise even more when Adrianna suddenly had a pause, her eyes filling up with worried tears that just struck me right in the soul once they appeared. “...if this doesn’t work out… you’re done! You’re never getting another chance in this business again. And by not working out, I don’t mean struggling and having a win-loss record worse than Jessie Salco…”
“I know that…” I said. “...you mean if I make the same mistake all over again and just add more baggage to a reputation that’s already notorious…”
“You can’t treat this like Carnage, or UWA or GCW sis… you can’t. If you burn this bridge, you’re done for. You’re incredibly LUCKY that you even HAVE this chance considering the shit you pulled at Carnage. I’ve stood by you for 12 years while you keep fucking up and burning your bridges over and over again… look me in the eye and tell me that things are going to be different…”
“They are…” I told her. “...that’s part of why I’m joining Sin City Wrestling in the first place.”
I kept looking at her right in the eye while I continued to explain my decision to join the company.
“...I NEED to be there… I NEED to challenge myself and push myself… I NEED to show the wrestling world that I’m not taking anything for granted anymore. My mission isn’t to win championships or to be the best wrestler in the world or the biggest star. My mission in Sin City Wrestling is to do everything I can, everything in my power, with what I have, to fight against that old reputation, to fight against the odds stacked up against me, to fight this uphill battle that I have in front of me, to redeem myself entirely… to face up to the sins of my own past and overcome those old demons that would drive me to burn the bridges that I have and to do the horribly stupid things that I’ve done over the years. If a championship happens, it happens but I’m not so tied up with that. I just this run in Sin City Wrestling to be my last rodeo in professional wrestling. I want this to work. I want to retire with them… hopefully later rather than sooner… I want to end my career on the brightest note possible. I know that I’ve… been a big fuck up over the years… but something I learned along the way is that what really matters is how you finish… and what really matters is the journey every step of the way… good, bad or in the middle. I’m going to epitomize that in SCW, through better or worse…
That’s why I’m taking on this challenge, Adrianna!
I’m not going to screw up anymore… I’m DONE with that. I’m THROUGH with being such a big fuck up. I’m DONE carrying the baggage. I’m DONE burning bridges! It’s do or die for me sis… one way or another… whether or works out or not… whether I’m successful in that company or not… Sin City Wrestling is going to be the LAST company that I ever sign with….”
I took a pause to grasp the shocked reaction on my sister’s face with what I just told her.
“...if I go out in a blaze of glory, have a few more title runs and ultimately defy the odds and defy my age and defy all these expectations, then great! If I never win another championship again and end up just as those podcast idiots think I am going to end up… like another Jessie Salco or hell… even a Twisted Sister for fuck’s sake… then so be it! As long as my time there ends with my head held high, knowing I did my best and knowing I did right by the business that I’ve loved since I was just seven years of age, then that’s all that fucking matters to me!”
Adrianna dried her eyes, showing that she wasn’t worried about me anymore. I grabbed her hands, further reassuring her that things were going to be different this time.
“I’m going to make it work in SCW, Adrianna! I believe in every ounce of my ability that I’m going to close out my career with one hell of a final chapter in my finest hour yet…”
Adrianna smiled and at this point, I could do the same knowing that we were both on the same page about me being a part of the company. We gave each other a huge hug, probably the closest hug we’ve had in years.
“I love you sis…” I told Adrianna.
“I love you too!” she said in return. “Thank you for reassuring me. You've been such an inspiration to me for so long and I’m the luckiest sister in the world to have one of my own to look up to! You’re going to kill it there, Myra. I know you are.”
Little did I know that my sister’s prediction would come true in every way imaginable.
August 2, 2020
“It really has been some kind of ride…” I told myself as I returned to my room on the cruise following the conclusion of Summer XXXtreme, right after I had come out of my reflection of that conversation that my sister and I had a few months ago upon joining the company.
“The best part about it is that I know deep down… that when it comes to this professional wrestling business… that I have conquered the demons inside of my heart… demons that made me so ungrateful at one point no matter what I was accomplishing…”
More reflecting was about to take place, as I remembered the night that I won my first championship after my two year maternity retirement five years ago: the GCW North American Championship. I was living in that moment all over again recalling how unsatisfied I was even though I had become a champion again in such a short amount of time, recalling the sting of two years prior to that when I had lost a world title match and the opportunity to ‘retire’ as a world champion and feeling like that accomplishment in GCW didn’t matter…
“...I was ungrateful about winning the North American title five years ago…” I recalled. “Did it matter to me that I had only been back in the business after a two year retirement for only a couple of months when I suddenly had a title again? It didn’t… and I regret that I carried that attitude with me at that time. I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t over losing an opportunity at something greater right before I retired in the first place… and that was the wrong way to be about it…”
I paused and reflected on an elimination chamber from a few years back in a company called UWA… remembering all of the championships being on the line and the championship that you left that chamber with being determined by your elimination order. I recalled the thrill of surviving elimination after elimination, a couple even caused by my hands… but then I remembered the cold, bitter feeling of seeing someone else hold the world title while I held the X-Limits title, their second tier belt.
“...I was ungrateful about winning the X-Limits title in UWA. I know that the circumstances weren’t ideal for how I won that championship the first of two times considering that I was the runner up in a match with a world title on the line and that’s the belt I ended up with… but I regret that I saw it from that perspective. I regret that I was disappointed in myself because ‘it wasn’t the world title’ and that’s such a horrible way to look at things. I should’ve been prouder of myself for surviving against tough competition and coming that close…”
One final pause had me reflecting on the night I left UWA and the circumstances behind that.
“...and I did such a horrible thing a year later when I abruptly quit UWA…” I reflected. “I quit because I was getting a rematch for that X-Limits title I had held twice already… again… ‘because it wasn’t the world title’...”
I narrowed my eyes briefly, taking in quite a moment of guilt and shame on my part, knowing that why I bolted from there was incredibly selfish, even outwardly saying the exact words I said to my old boss when I left…
“...I’m NOT being shoehorned back into the fucking X-Limits division! I deserve BETTER than that! You’re NOT keeping a top star like me down anymore! I fucking quit, you piece of shit!”
Shuddering upon reenacting those very words from a few years ago, I finished reflecting on the demons I had conquered.
“...I should’ve seen it from the perspective of regaining a title I had lost on UWA”s grand stage and avenging one of the most heartbreaking, confidence shattering losses I ever had…” I admitted. “I should’ve welcomed the opportunity to make up for that and to really show I could be a champion… but instead… I burned a bridge because I didn’t get the world title shot that I wanted… that I felt that I was entitled to…”
I let out a deep sigh as I looked at the Internet Championship one last time.
“But by winning this championship… I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally atoned for the sins of my past in such a huge way. This championship reflects the fact that I’ve finally conquered the demons inside of me… the darkness in my heart that made me feel so insecure about myself and that drove me to do such stupid things and that prevented me from being grateful for what I had and that had me hating myself, hating my career and feeling like I was complately inadequate because I didn’t have what I wanted…
No matter how long I hold this, I am going to make the most of it. Every obstacle in my path… I’m going to conquer and I know I can because I conquered the biggest obstacle of them all: that darkness in my heart that I know for a fact… is finally gone… no matter what happens with this title reign, I know I’ve made one thing very clear to every woman in that locker room…
I’m NOT going away anytime soon…”
Needless to say, after I finished having that reflection to myself on the night that I won the Internet Championship from Kate Steele, I had the best sleep I had after a Pay-Per-View event in my long, storied career since the night that I had won my second world championship many years ago.
It was one hell of a feeling knowing that when it comes to my wrestling career… I had a hell of a lot to be grateful and thankful for…
August 17, 2020
“Oh come ON…” I could hear my sister say as we both learned at the same time that I wasn’t done with Kate Steele just yet. She was understandably annoyed at the news that there was going to be a rematch this Sunday so soon after I had just beaten her for the title. “...why do they ALWAYS do that?”
“Do what?” I asked my sister.
“Throwing all of the new champions into the fire like that… typically with return matches for the people that lost the titles. I get that Sin City Wrestling is brutal competition and all… but… the idea of you working so fucking hard and conquering all of your demons only to be slapped in the face with the possibility of ending up with just a three week title reign… that’s SO cruel! It’s so UNFAIR!”
I definitely felt sorry for Adrianna for how she was feeling, but one thing’s for sure… I was the last person I was feeling sorry for.
“Besides… Kate wants to move on to the world championship already! Why does there HAVE to be a rematch? Why can’t they just let Kate move on? Seriously… why do YOU have to deal with this crap?”
“Hey… I understand why you’re upset…” I began to tell her. “...but remember what I told you when I explained to you why I decided to join SCW to begin with. Remember, it’s about the journey… it’s about the challenge… and this is just another chapter of that. Yeah, you can make the argument that I’m being thrown into the fire… but so be it. I’ll see this through no matter what happens.”
“But what if you fall short?” Adrianna asks me with much worry in her tone of voice. “Kate’s not easy… you know this. That match at Summer XXXtreme could’ve gone either way, you and I both know that. I worry that if you lose that Internet Championship so soon after you won it that…”
“...that I’m going to let it destroy me and ultimately end up relapsing back to the ungrateful, bridge-burning bitch that I was before, right? Is that the worry?”
Adrianna nods, causing me to think about that possibility for a moment… but only for a moment because I knew that such a possibility was essentially impossible now.
“You don’t need to worry…” I reassured her. “I am going to be fine one way or another. I promise. I’ve learned my lessons from my mistakes before and knowing what I am capable of? Losing the title back to Kate wouldn’t be the end of the story… it’d be just another chapter of it that I’d learn from and grow from… if that were to be the case. Summer XXXtreme wasn’t the end of the ride, Adri…”
I paused, showing some determination in the face of the adversity I was set to face on Sunday.
“...it was the beginning… the beginning of incredible things to come for me… what happens on Sunday doesn’t change that a damn bit…”
My sister let out a sigh of relief, happy that I was keeping my head up.
“You got this!” she told me, confident in my abilities!
“You know I do…” I told her. “...but outcome aside? Damn it’s going to be a hell of an experience being in that ring with her again….”
I was in battle mode from this point going forward. I knew that while I had already conquered the darkness in my heart, that one way or another, win or lose, Sunday was going to show that I’m far too strong for such a darkness to ever penetrate and manipulate my heart and soul the way it once did ever again…
After a dozen years, I’ve discovered my identity as a wrestler at long last… and just knowing that gives me the most unconquerable confidence that I’ve ever had at ANY point in my career…
August 21, 2020
“You know Kate… I have to admit. As far as everything regarding your name is concerned… you are definitely full of surprises.”
Sitting alone in my Saxon hotel suite with the Bombshells Internet Championship on my lap with the camera having just turned on, I was maintaining my poise and my confidence as I began to express my thoughts on the return rematch at Climax Control to come.
“I didn’t expect you to be a class act after I had beaten you for the Internet Championship… but you were… and I definitely respect and appreciate that more than I can put into words. But more to the relevant point here? I didn’t expect that I’d be thrown into the fire and suddenly, you’d be having this return match for the Bombshells Internet Championship. It is what it is. Most people in my position would be complaining to kingdom come about having to defend a title they just won three weeks later against the same wrestler that they just won it from. Hell, as recent as last year, I would’ve done the same thing, I completely own that. But see… I’ve become different from most people in my position and I’ve matured and grown, with the way I’ve been able to carry myself in this company being a reflection of that. Is this the most ideal situation in the book? No… but I came to SCW to prove that I can hang with the best of the best on a consistent basis and I came to this company to take on the toughest challenges of my career and you’re definitely going to be that again! I’m feeling great, Kate! I’m actually feeling motivated and grateful that I get to be in that ring with you again to write the sequel to what was a hell of a match at Summer XXXtreme. But what about you? How are you feeling? That’s what I am curious about!
Because again, I’ve been where you are at right now in so many ways. I understand that you go through a big stretch of dominance, holding on to a particular championship for so long, going such a long time without being pinned or submitted and then suddenly… BOOM! It’s over! How are you going to respond, Kate? Are you going to be more motivated than ever to try to get one back on me? Or are you going to be doubting yourself a little? I believe you when you say that you’re not upset about losing the title to me. If you were, you wouldn’t have been such a class act after the final bell had rung. But… there’s something you said during that interview last week that greatly concerns me and I don’t mean it in a bad way at all, I want you to know that. You straight up told Pussy Willow that you were ready to move up in the company, that there’s nothing left for you to do in the Bombshells Internet Championship division, that it’s time for you to take your career to the next level and to face the likes of Evie, Alicia, Andrea, Roxi and so forth. You were ready to move on and to move up to the main event division… and I COMPLETELY understand where you’re coming from on that. I get that you want to make that move up to that level because you’ve been here long enough and you’ve been busting your ass for so long and I get the drive to finally win the big one. But see Kate… that’s the thing…
Are you going to be too starry eyed about the main event scene that it’ll create a distraction for you in this rematch? You said it yourself that you had nothing left to achieve with the Internet division… so what’s the point in trying to win back this title when you’re aiming for the big one, right? I’m not going to sit here and spend all night questioning your mentality, but take it from a girl that’s been there before Kate… when someone like you is ready to move up and wants to be a world champion so much… you reach a point where you DON’T want to have a rematch for the title that you just lost. You want that world championship far more than you want this title back. So that being said, are you going to give it your all? Is there some anger in the back of your mind toward SCW that they’re not giving you what you want just yet? I wouldn’t blame you if that was the case because I’ve been there myself. I’ve been in situations TONS of times where I’ve done everything that I’ve possibly can within the division that I’m wrestling in that when I lose that divisional championship, I’m dead set on challenging for the world title… only… I never get that far because they’re giving me rematches for the title that I just lost. I sure hope you handle this situation a hell of a lot better than I did when I was in your situation.
And I get it… it HAS to be frustrating for you that you want to move up and yet, you’re getting a rematch for a title that you’ve stated that you want to move on from. I know that the frustration is nothing personal against me… but I really do think that your world title aspirations are going to hold you back. If you’re going to come into this rematch looking ahead to the world title picture, I’m going to sense it and I’m sorry Kate, but I am going to take advantage of that. I know JUST how you can get when you’re frustrated. I was on the receiving end of your vitriol quite a few times leading up to Summer XXXtreme… and coming off such a big loss, how much of a zen and a focus are you going to have coming into this? When I beat you for this championship, I proved that I had a greater zen for this than you did because I knew how frustrated you were when you couldn’t put me away. I get that you’re a competitive person, Kate, but if you’re unable to keep that in check, and you’ve shown on multiple occasions that you haven’t been able to here and there… it’s going to wind up costing you in the end… and come Sunday… it IS going to cost you again. You’re a sensitive soul Kate… and I don’t say that as a bad thing. You think I wasn’t listening to you when you expressed yourself in the manner that you did in your second promo against me prior to Summer XXXtreme? I was hanging on every single word that you said. You said that you didn’t want to be stuck as a ‘second tier wrestler’... and that’s just it… that sensitivity… you walked into that title defense FEELING like second tier… when you’re NOT! You’re first tier competition Kate… I need you to get that through your head. Honestly, the reason why you haven’t won the big one in Sin City Wrestling after being here for so long is partially due to the fact that you’ve been wrestling at the same time as some of the all-time great women that have ever wrestled in this business and it’s DIFFICULT to overcome that type of competition.
This IS, Kate, the toughest women’s division in professional wrestling, after all, where half the damn division is first tier. If you want to challenge for the big one… you HAVE to be way more confident in yourself than that. You HAVE to think like a first-tier wrestler. You can’t go into ANY match against ANY woman in this division labelling yourself as second-tier because the moment you walk into a match against an Evie Jordan or an Andrea Hernandez with that label stuck in your head, you’ve already lost the damn match before you’ve already begun. Even if… in the grand scheme of things… you’re NOT seen as first-tier by everyone else… FUCK IT! Think of yourself that way anyway because psychology is half the battle. A couple of months ago, at Into the Void… did you think for a SECOND that I EVER thought of myself as ‘second-tier’ when I faced Amber Ryan and beat her? Did you think for a moment that I listened to all the hype surrounding her? I didn’t. I never saw myself as second-tier even though she just happened to be the world champion of a company that I had just left at the time and I never got to that level in Carnage. I never listened to the hype, nor did I see myself as this overwhelming underdog that everyone saw me as. I went in there with the mentality to win, with the mentality of a first-tier wrestler… and I won! With Alicia, it was the same thing. I wasn’t focused on the reputation, I was focused on being the better wrestler on that particular night and with that zen focus and that first-tier mentality, I got that win. At Summer XXXtreme, I knew I had you because while you’re in LA LA LAND thinking about the world title constantly, trying so hard to match up against me, saying the things you had said going in, trying to break records, I was only focused on being the better technical wrestler and from a psychological standpoint… that is HOW and WHY I won…
I only had to take care of the in-ring aspect of the match when it was all said and done because on a psychological level? You already did the work for me and I HOPE that it’s a lesson learned for you, I really do, because someone like you? Being so good at what you do and everything… there’s no reason for you to doubt yourself, nor is there a reason for you to feel like you need to compensate for something… so much so that you told me to kiss your ass when I said that you reminded me so much of me when I was your age… as if it was an insult… but it’s not… it’s a compliment… and whether you like it or not, it’s a fact… you opened up about being bullied and I’m sorry you went through some of the shit you did earlier in your career… but that’s the thing, Kate… I dealt with that myself.
When I first broke in 12 years ago, I had the entire locker room thinking that I didn’t stand a chance to amount to anything. I was called names like ‘dumb Florida moron’ and I was constantly referred to as an embarrassment to the business. One guy in particular at the first company I ever wrestled for… no matter how successful I grew in that company… he ALWAYS tried to minimize it… sound familiar, Kate?
A few years back in the UWA, I was constantly targeted by a clique of wrestlers… treated like I was a piece of shit… treated as if I was second-tier… treated like I was always going to be beneath the selected few that were considered ‘elite’... and every single time they got a chance, they drilled it SO hard in my head how ‘inferior’ I supposedly was to them. You see Kate, it’s not about the adversity you face when it comes to critics and haters and doubters… it’s how you deal with that adversity. For years, you’ve had that chip on your shoulder because of some of the worst experiences you’ve ever been through and I understand that immensely… but take it from someone who has been there herself… the one way you will EVER have true happiness in this business is to be secure with yourself… to face up to your sins… to own your past… to look that past in the eye and say ‘you don’t define me, you don’t get to control me, you don’t get to dictate how I do my thing’. You haven’t quite done that, Kate. What that does? It causes you to lose control of yourself every once in a while and it causes you to treat people differently than you’re supposed to treat them…
...that’s why I pitied you instead of hated you when you were trying to treat me like I was the biggest bully that ever happened to you… because again… I’ve been there too… I’ve treated so many people like shit because until I got to this company, I never faced up to my sins, I never owned my past, and I allowed the worst things that ever happened to me to cause me to hate myself. It was that strength that I’ve gained… the strength that YOU need to gain if you ever want to be a world championship contender… that was the difference at Summer XXXtreme. I’m not saying that to ‘shit all over your talent’ as you feared you would when I won this from you… and I sure as hell didn’t brag at all about winning this title… but should you beat me, are you going to do the same thing that you were worried that I was going to do to you? I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you won’t, so there’s that… even for all of the things you had said prior to Summer XXXtreme… still sticking to that whole ‘stepping stone’ idea… when after the fact, I never mentioned the world championship even ONCE. Sure, another world championship would be great. I do want that… but not right now. I’m confident that the day will come where that happens for me, but I’m not going to be fixated on it. I’m going to focus on the title that I have here… now… today, as long as I have it with me.
Because I’ve grown into the type of woman that refuses to repeat the same mistakes that have been made… whether it’s your mistakes… specifically the one where you were so obsessed with wanting to break into the world championship division… or those of my own… and I’ll even own up to the fact that I’ve made that same mistake before. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I’ve quit at least three wrestling companies in the past because I wasn’t competing for the world championship. I’m not focusing on records, what I am focusing on is maintaining and improving the prestige of this championship in the same way that you and many champions before you have already done. This is about the championship… this isn’t about me using it as a stepping stone to the world title… this isn’t about me using it to improve my profile so that I get noticed for a potential world title shot in the future… that’s where I’m definitely going to differ from you as far as this title is concerned because if I become so obsessed with all that… I’m already repeating your mistakes… and with all due respect, I didn’t win this championship to repeat your mistakes nor did I win it to duplicate everything you’ve done for this championship… it as I mentioned… to maintain and improve the prestige of one of the grandest prizes of the company.
You want to be the best wrestler in the world… a grandiose goal for sure… you want that world to revolve around you. You crave it. You need it because you feel like you’re not validated without that spotlight. Me? I’m doing this to be the best wrestler and the best champion that I can be. I don’t need that validation anymore because the moment I won this, I conquered every ounce of darkness that was left in my heart. Self-esteem advantage? Definitely me.
You have that huge chip on your shoulder… understandably so… because you don’t want to be seen as ‘always the bridesmaid, never the bride’... because you’re not satisfied with yourself as a wrestler. Me? I don’t need that damn chip. I’ve removed it from my shoulder and I’ve crushed it. I have achieved a level of happiness in my career that I’ve never had before… even when I won my world championships. This Internet Championship for me, honestly? It’s the happiest moment I’ve EVER had in my career because it ensured that old demons that haunted me for so long were NEVER able to haunt me again. I’m GRATEFUL for everything that I’ve ever had… i’m grateful for every chapter of my journey… good or bad…
The day you’re able to find your inner peace to the point where you’ll conquer your demons and conquer your self-doubt is the day that you’re going to realize what being a true champion in this business, world champion, Internet champion, tag team champion, title or no title, is really all about… and I really hope you find that inner peace within yourself where you don’t have to push yourself so damn hard and drive yourself into the ground the way you have in the past trying to be the best in the business… I DO mean that…
I REALLY want you to understand that I’m not a bully… that I’m NOT your enemy… that I’m NOT someone that’s looking to bury you into the ground and make your life a living hell just to make myself feel better… I’m NOT that kind of person anymore. I want you to understand that I’m saying what I’m saying because it’s going to help YOU in the long run… because it’s going to help YOU become that world champion that you’re so desperate to be… because really Kate… the last thing I want ANYONE in this business to do is make the same damn mistakes that I did: being such an ungrateful bitch and hating this and hating that and feeling so shitty about myself I treated other people like garbage and burned so many bridges just because I wasn’t a world champion…
You show signs of that here and there… you showed signs of it when you said those words you said about me… but I know at heart you’re a good person… an internally troubled person… but a really good person with a good heart… even if it’s misplaced sometimes.
And when I retain this championship against you and beat you again, I really do hope that you finally understand me… where I come from, how we’re so alike… how you can learn from my experiences to avoid repeating my mistakes and to become the champion you want to be…
The journey is what matters Kate… and I hope after Sunday, you realize that yourself…”
Shutting off the camera, I think about Kate and the similarities of our journeys one last time… further fueling the fire within me and motivating me even further for the rematch coming up...
