Author Topic: Kids say the funniest things  (Read 645 times)

Offline Ben Jordan

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Kids say the funniest things
« on: July 03, 2020, 07:41:19 PM »
 Thursday 25th June 2020.

It's insane how quickly something can come on that ya never see coming, something I never saw coming. I was always a bright and bubbly bloke, try and keep a smile on my boat as much as I could, try and look at the positives rather than the dark side of life. I've always tried to think about the good and look for the silver lining in everything but the last few weeks have been a bit different. You could say that shot to the head at the supercard was still effecting me but for some reason, I've been feeling like I'm on a bit of a downward turn. A lot of the time lately, I've been a grouch, I've been down, I've been short and snappy. I dunno what changed but I started feeling like I don't deserve to be where I am. There was always one person I spoke to when I had self doubt, when I felt like I was lower than a snakes goolies, and that was a call to home, a call to the biggest influence in my early life, my grandmother.

"Hello darling." I said with a bright smile, but a frown cover my face. "Nan, move the camera down love, can only see the top of your head."

I lay on the sofa in the hotel room, with a laptop on my chest.

"It's not a pretty view from what I see." She says back as she moves the camera down.

She was probably right, probably seeing right up my nose, so I moved myself up to a seated position and moved the camera to rest itself aimed at my face.

"Better?" I asked.

"Well, I'm not counting the hairs up your nose this way." She said dryly. "What's on your mind love?"

This was tough to say. I mean men are just not built in that way to get feelings out in the open, and such. That's why there's been more male suicides than female, because the public image of men is to be all tough and strong and not talk about things that drag us in to the ground.

"I'm having a tough time nanna." I admitted.

It took a lot to get that out of my mouth, it felt like it stuck in my throat and I had to force it out.

"And I'm really not happy." I added.

I watched her body straighten up as she looked at me with a slight look of concern.

She always said to me from when I was eighteen that I was my own gov'ner, that I had no one to answer to myself and I always took that in my stride and smiled at everyone. I was the eighteen year old with the pub in the family, and was taught treat the customers with a smile and cheery joke. I was the guy that was always asking how's ya luck darling? You alright geezer? That was me, it stuck with me through all the years of my life. I'm not saying that was a false front, because it was me being me, so not many have ever seen me low for any reason. I was the bloke hearing about a death and telling people don't worry, they're in a better place, so for me to be feeling low and showing it, was a worry and very out of the ordinary.

"What's the matter, love?" She asked.

I still didn't know where to start, this is not the usual conversation I've had. This is not who I was but I was in this funk that not many people could help me get out of. I was feeling down and I had to talk to someone, I didn't wanna pull out the mental health card, cause frankly, I think mental health is a load of old codswallop pulled out to make excuses for people acting like tossers.

"Ever since I kept that title at Into The Void, I've felt down." I started. "I felt like I was taking a step too far, that I was borrowing time I didn't have or wanted and I think I was proper excited to be doing something new, like having the other companies belt. I felt that I would be able to crack on and become something different, have a bit of life breathed in to this old dog, but those plans went tits up. To me, great chance lost there, when I could have done something proper special before turning it all in."

It wasn't bitterness in me, I thought things were a bit shortsighted and things coulda been thought through a little bit more, a little better, but I guess it was more of get the Underground title on an SCU wrestler, although O'Malley is not just an Underground wrestler, he is SCW too, you wouldn't know it when all he does is moan, but he is.

"I thought there was a great chance to bring the companies together." I told Nan. "But what does it solve letting me have their belt for five minutes. Yes, I'm the only bloke in history to have both SCW and SCU top titles, but five minutes as champion meant sod all really. I mean SCU could have piggy backed my SCW stuff so everything SCW got me doing, I coulda been splitting it with SCU, everyone wins, instead, some whiny little twat ended that run after five minutes."

"Ben!" Nan says firmly.

"Sorry." I said with a shrug.

"You mean that Irish fella?" Nan asked while I nodded. "Oh him, he is a whiny little twat. Well I think he is, I can't understand a lot he says. It's like he turns that poxy accent up for some reason. You're Irish, we get it."

I couldn't help but smile, my Nan's wit and blantentness was why my friends growing up loved her to bits. One of my friends only met her once and loves to tell the tale of how she was blatant with him from day one and that still makes him smile years later. It's why now anyone that meets her to this day, calls her nanny rose after one meeting.

"He does ham it up a bit." I said with a smile. "But it's not only that."

"Oh?" She said looking closer at the phone.

"Everything's changing so fast." I told her. "I know I should be used to it a bit being one of the longest serving people around this place but it's like a revolving door with people in and out. They come in, they do well, they lose, they bugger off. Make friends with a couple of people and before you know it, they're on their way out. Everyone's taking breaks and we know most of them won't be back."

"I think being locked down is finally getting to you." Nan commented.

"I thought it would be a good chance for me and Eves to be around people we only spend a weekend with." I said honestly. "Only other time I'm around these lot is when I throw parties and people show up."

"I bet you buy all the booze too." Nan said with a stern look.

"Mmmmhmmmm." I replied.

"Amazing how far people would go for a free piss up." Nan said without a hint of a joke in her voice.

"Yeah, but ya know, something different." I said. "I thought being around people here would be great, but it's a rotating door here. People in and out, friends disappearing, it's getting to the point it's just me and Eves and she's trying, God love her, she's trying to make new friends all over the place, but I'm reverting the other way, I can't be arsed with people. In fact, I'm considering going back to Maine and staying there. Send in stuff from when I'm not wrestling, show up when I do have to wrestle."

"We both know that's not you." Nan said firmly. "You don't have arse anything, so you will show up for shows, it doesn't matter if you go back to Maine or not, you'll still be flying back to the shows because down or not, you take things seriously."

She was right and she knew she was, her smile said a thousand words. I had this thing about work ethic and I've been on every single show since becoming a champion, which combined, if you don't count Fenris, it was probably more than the last few champions managed put together. When I won't this belt, I said I wouldn't do what Austin James Mercer did and show up to talk every now and again, or be like Senor Vinnie, who showed up, mumbled a few incoherent lines and claimed to be a great champion. I knew I wanted to take things back to be like Fenris and show up all the time, flash the belt off and be that hard working champion.

"I guess so but there's times I just wanna run away. Give up the belt and just hide from the world." I said with a nod.

That was actually true, I can not tell you how many times I've thought about running away and hiding and just becoming Joe Public, the face in the crowd, no heirs or graces, just the bloke working on a farm or something.

"Oh shut up you tart!" Nan snapped out.

"Say what you really mean darling." I said with a smile.

"You can't hide, you'll never get away with it, because Bear is what you'd call a celebrity dog." Nan says with a smile. "That pooch loves the spotlight and he's got a recognizable face, people will work out who you are right away. What you need to see is what will be will be. No point sitting in a mud hole, all you're gonna get is a wet arse."

She always did have a way with words, but I got her meaning. There was no point being in this slump cause I'll end up with nothing good.

"I just think I need to get out of this bloody slump and try something new." I admitted

"You'll feel better when you get back home and relax a little more than you are there." She said.

"I thought it would be sunshine and roses here." I said with a sigh. "Get to know people a little more, dwindle away time in a five star place and not have to worry but part of me misses normality Nan. I'm not talking about popping down the local. I miss being able to have a wander around the lake, I miss just taking Eves out somewhere as a surprise, I miss being able to say sod it, let's jump on a plane and go somewhere. Poxy virus has ruined so much. This tour we was meant to be on, couldn't seen some of the world, instead, lumbered here."

"Give it a few more weeks." She said reassuringly. "Things are getting better here, might get better there too."

"Honestly Nan." I said. "As soon as they'll let us fly from here to London, and back again whenever we want, I think I might speak to Eves about coming back to London for a bit. Be a lot safer there then we would be here, cases going through the roof here. I'd feel a lot better being back home."

"Well as soon as you can, come home." Nan said. "We would all love to see ya."

If I would run home at this point, I think I would, in fact, I don't think I'd give it a second thought but I knew at this point, I couldn't, I was just a few days away from Climax Control 272, not that I was booked to do anything, I just had to be there to keep up my championship look I guess.

"I think I will Nan." I said seriously. "I need to do something different, so as soon as I get the chance, and the government let me, I'll be coming home for a little while."

I meant it. I missed London too. I missed being able to pop to the bookies, even in this online gambling world, even silly little things like running to the shop and grabbing a newspaper, or sitting on the grass with a can of Fosters - yes Aussies, mmmmmm Fosters - with a friend or two.

"And stop worrying so much." She said with a wave of her finger. "You'll be fine."

The rest of the conversation turned towards talking about the family. I didn't know in just a few days time, my day brightened just by hearing about my next supercard opponent.




Sunday 28th June 2020

Griffin Hawkins! Oh man, that was so much better than I actually expected to hear about Summer XXXTreme! I gotta be absolutely honest with everyone, I truly expected Caleb Storms to jump up in that spot, or Stephen Callaway, both had been teasing a match with me for the championship, but neither have followed through with it. Maybe they was considering it but looks like Griffin had jumped in to take that spot and I'm absolutely delighted by that if you couldn't tell. Proper up for that, cause it's Griffin Hawkins, a man who has build his reputation for years to put himself in line for a top main event. I know Griffin is a bit ropey at times, his first match with me, he took to Twitter as if to already dismiss me, there was no sign of any kind of respect from the man, so I hope he's learned a little respect after our first encounter and shows a little more respect for me, and what I've done between the time I faced him before and the time I will face him again.

I know I got a little speed bump in the way of things before I get to Griffin, although at this point not confirmed, I suspect Jack Washington's King For The Day thingy will see my face him next week, actually one weeks time, it's expected but I couldn't help but look forward to Griffin Hawkins. It could bite me on the 'aris but damn I was excited. Motivation has not been with me since I beat Mark Cross, maybe in my heart, that was my peak. I beat the Blast From The Past winner and the men's division was very much in the shadows of the Bombshell division. Between Evie, Alicia Lukas, Roxi Johnson, Andrea Hernandez and Christina Rose, those give were lighting it up and you could pick two out of those five and you'd have a main event that wouldn't disappoint, but the men's side? Fenris had gone and he was top level, Austin James Mercer and Senor Vinnie were embroiled in their own war. The guys who could have stepped up like Jack Russow had sadly departed, and even O'Malley had his own thing to deal with by being, and I'm saying this through gritted teeth, the SCU Underground champion. Even Mark Cross had eased his SCW stuff to focus on SCU. Kris Ryans would have been a top choice, but Mikah's return has squashed that for now. The top of the men's division was a bit rough. Hearing Griffin Hawkins saying he's stepped up was fantastic. He even went to the ring to tell the world, I respect that.

I found out on camera and you saw my reaction, but the cameras had gone, and Evie and I sat in the dressing room, a mocked up set cause there was simply no sofa's in the arena until that was thrown together, wasn't even comfortable, there was a spring poking in my arse the whole way through it, but set dressing is important in wrestling. Half the stuff you see on TV is placed for a reason.... Who really leaves a sledgehammer just laying around under a ring?

So Evie looked at me, the cameras off and Pussy Willow had left the room. Her eyebrow raised as her eyes pierced through me.

"So are you really that excited?" She asked.

I took a few seconds to think about it as I returned her look, my eyes deeply in to hers.

"Actually." I started. "There's a lot of relief there babe. I genuinely thought I was gonna get something dodgy, or something like a give a loser a chance match where they threw everyone who didn't have plans, in a match with me so either I come out of it looking like the dogs nuts, or someone shocks the world."

"You've already beat Griffin." Evie reminded me.

She was right, I had beaten Griffin before, while he was a champion. It wasn't exactly the easiest match I've had in my career and had me more than a little jumpy before it. Hell, till that music hit and I walked to the ring, the nervous energy that I had could have powered the arena.

"I have." I said with a smile. "But it showed a lot about him that he didn't step away when he lost his title. So many have done that. Half the roster did that. Jack Russow left after losing the Roulette belt, when it was obvious he was set to step up through the belts till he got to the top. I don't need to go through the list of people who bugger off as soon as a belt disappears from them. Contracts mean nothing to them."

"Or Mark and Christian are actually nice people in secret." Evie said with a smirk.

"Why put money in people's pockets if they're not gonna put the effort in?" I questioned. "There's so many people out there that would love a job in a place like this that have the talent. Either way, Griffin could have been one of those people, but he wasn't. He fought it out, not being on the greatest run of his career but he has the heart."

I mine quickly drifted to the advice Max Burke had given me a couple of weeks before. Don't get ahead of myself, I know Jack Washington's card is next week, I know he's coming after my title, I know I need to focus on him and not dismiss him.

"But first, I gotta focus on Jack Washington." I reminded Evie. "We both know what he's gonna do."

Evie shook her head at me and smiled.

"He lost to a guy that talks to a fucking cactus." She said with venom in her tone. "A fucking cactus. DQ or not, he could have wrestled him for a week straight and never beat him. This is the guy who is giving himself a shot at you."

I knew Evie was right, but I was looking for a reason to respect Jack Washington. I had to try and find a reason, it's how I worked. A little bit of healthy respect for someone keeps me on my toes. I've done it with every single opponent I've ever faced. I've found something I could respect about them, just to remind myself that they have done things that have opened peoples eyes. I was struggling to find something to respect Jack for, I was hoping if he got past Vinnie, I'd be able to respect that, but he didn't. Watching him, I don't think Vinnie was ever in danger at all and this made it tougher for me to find that little respect.

"Well, he probably is capable of pulling off a shock." I tried convincing myself. "The thing with SCW, maybe wrestling in general, is that anyone can beat anyone at any time."

"I beg to differ." Evie said as she put her hand on my championship belt.

This is a side you don't see of Evie when those cameras are rolling. You see the she made you go for the belt thing. She didn't just tell me I could win it, she helped build the confidence I had, and turn it in to something that has given me what? Seven months as a champion? She could read me like a book she's read a million times and still enjoys. She knew I had the motivation as a sloth for this upcoming match with Jack. She knew I couldn't be arsed and just couldn't find my stride. The motivation had broke quarantine and gone elsewhere. She was reminding me why I am a champion to begin with.

"You've beaten everyone put in front of you." Evie reminded me. "O'Malley doesn't count cause he doesn't know the difference between in front and behind. Jack Washington isn't on the level of Fenris, Vinnie, and the rest."

"I wanna be motivated to face Jack." I told her "but my motivation isn't because of Jack. It's because I will get to face Griffin at Summer XXXTreme if I beat Jack. I should be more focused on him."

"Oh that'll come over the week." Evie said with confidence dripping from her tone. "The closer it gets, the more your focus will move towards Jack, but if the motivation is to get to Griffin Hawkins at Summer XXXTreme, then fuck it, use it. Jack isn't that good."

His record was a bit off at times, but didn't take away his talent in my mind. Yes, he never came close to beating Vinnie in my mind, the DQ actually saved him from getting pinned in my opinion but there was something there, there was some kinda talent there but not sure he knew how to really use it to be his best.

"Good or not." I said. "It's all about this belt, this belt can take people beyond what they're usually capable of. It gives them an aim. I mean the other week when we were on opposite teams, it was a bloody meaningless match, it was all about Kate and Teddy trying to claim that they beat a champion so they could get a title shot. They were both much more motivated than I was cause their prize was the claim they could make, there was nothing there for us like that."

"Don't remind me." Evie scoffed.

"Not talking about the result." I said truthfully. "Just the fact they were more motivated cause they had something to aim at. My point is regardless of talent, if he has it, if he doesn't. His extra motivation is the fact he can shock the world and walk away with a belt he shouldn't have. That's where he can probably be dangerous."

"I'm not worried." Evie replied matter of factly "He's like those guys who took you up on open challenges. Not good enough, not gonna take your championship."

I loved Evie's confidence in me and saw her point a lot. I mean the people stepping up haven't been mind blowing opposition. I would have cacked myself if Austin James Mercer woulda stepped up, or Fenris, or a returning legend or something.

"His eyes are on the gold." I told Evie. "That's his prize, that's where he's focused. Ya know, he's probably been planning things for weeks. That could be why he lost to Vinnie, cause he was focused on me, lulling me in to a false sense of security. He had bugger all to lose my half arsing it against Vinnie when he was already sitting on a match with me. I can't fall in to the same pattern, looking at Griffin, cause I lose this, I lose everything. He had nothing to lose to lose to Vinnie."

"You're not gonna lose." Evie said, squeezing my arm.

"Not if I focus on him." I replied. "I'm over thinking this one a bit. He might well shoot himself in his foot. He does seem like the over confident guy, probably already planning his celebrational party."

"He'll be the only one there." Evie replied with a wicked smile. "People can't stand him."

I couldn't help but smile at Evie for that comment.

"Either way, I gotta get my head in the game." I told her. "I need to take the motivation I have to get to the supercard against Griffin and use that till I get there. I dunno, some donut might try and jump in with a nod towards my open challenge between now and then. Realistically, I could end up defending my title three times between now and Summer XXXTreme."

"And you will defend it with ease." Evie said with a tone of confidence filling the room.

"Yeah, if Fenris stayed in Iceland and don't facing popping back over to give me a bit of a heart attack." I replied with a smile.

I looked at my watch to check out the time and looked at Evie.

"Right babe." I started. "Gotta get off my arse here cause I gotta go quickly do a couple of things."

So I would tell ya all I had to do but I'll make it short for you all. I had to head over to Sin City Underground, but you knew that if you watched it. See, I had to have a quick meeting with the staff there about something coming up, then I'd heard a rumour about a very, very fine whiskey and I just so happened to walk past said whiskey in the possession of Max Burke.

Sadly, I couldn't stay drinking the expensive stuff after being invited to join Mikah and Kris Ryans for a drink with my wife, which my wife accepted. Not gonna lie, I think Kris is one of the best wrestlers in SCW and always has been, but we've never really hung out on a personal level. Mikah was married to my best friend for years, so this is gonna take some getting used to. Thankfully that whiskey running through my bloodstream left me relaxed enough to enjoy that night. I could see more couple dates like that in the future.

Could you imagine if the four of us formed an alliance at some point?

I'm gonna leave you with that thought, because it's time to move on. It's time to jump to later in the week. It was time for a surprise to those little people back home in Maine....




Thursday 2nd July 2020

This whole situation the world finds itself in, it's really easy to forget about certain things, like what it's like to walk barefoot on a beach, to be able to have the freedom to give back to the people around you. Ever since me and Eves moved to Maine, being in a small area, as sorta the only celebs there - although I don't like the word celeb, I'm a bloke on the TV, that's all, we've been asked to do a lot of things and for the most part, I've been more than up for it. One of the things I do a fair whack is things for kids. The local school are often asking us to appear for whatever reason - believe it or not, Evie got asked to teach a physical education class at some point - and I've been asked to talk to the kids at the local school. It's a good school and morale has been low in Bar Harbor for the kids, not able to see their family, so anything you can do to help is a good thing in times like this.

I sat waiting for the screen to light up in front of me. I had set up one of the televisions in a conference room in the hotel to be able to live stream to the kids at the local school in Bar Harbor, aged from three to eleven. I had been told there would be an assembly of some sort and screens were set up there for me to speak to the little 'uns. I had my SCW World Heavyweight championship in front of me as I waited. A few seconds later, my face has transported from Las Vegas to Maine in seconds via the wonders of modern technology. I looked at the stunned faces, some cheering as my face popped up on the screen.

"Alright kiddos." I said with a cheery tone to my voice.

I waited for a few seconds as the teachers tried to calm down the crowd of children jumping up and down in their chairs.

It was incredible seeing all those happy faces, just happy at seeing me look at them.

"Settle down you lovely lot." I said with a wide grin. "Your teachers have told me that you've all been real good through this whole thing, so they asked me to come and speak to you guys and say thank you for being as brilliant as you are."

I saw a lot of smiles firing back at me from the camera and it melted my heart. Just seeing so many happy faces.

"So today, we're gonna play a game." I said with a nod. "You can ask me anything you guys want and I'll answer them."

A slight cheer went through the room as they beaming faces looked towards me on their video set up.

"So you put ya hands up, and your teachers will point to one of you and you can ask whatever you want." I told them. "Annnnnnnnnnnything you want. Just put your hand up and the teacher will pick you out."

Instantly, I watched almost every hand fly in the air, bringing a smile to my face. I waited for the teacher to pick out a boy in the front row and listened.

"Hey Ben!" The boy said with enthusiasm. "Can you buy me a skateboard?"

I laughed out loud, as did many others in the room.

"Gotta ask yaself mate. Have you earned that skateboard?" I said with a smile. "All good wanting one, but if you haven't earned one, then I can't get ya one, but if you've earned it with good grades and stuff than I'll certainly think about it."

I waited for the teacher to pick out someone else from the crowd.

"Do you like horses?" A little dot of a girl asked me.

"I do." I replied. "In fact a little while ago, me and Eves thought about getting a horsey to run in races cause he was really fast. So I like horses, especially one's that run really fast."

More hands fly in the air and another is picked out.

"Who would win in a race, Supergirl or The Flash?" A boy asked.

I tapped my chin, thinking about the question.

"Well that depends." I said tapping my chin. "If it was a flying race, then Supergirl all day long, cause The Flash can't fly, but if it's a foot race, over like a mile or something, The Flash would win. He's used to running, where Supergirl doesn't run, she spends more time flying. You know, we got a guy I work with who looks like The Flash, he's not as fast as him, so The Flash would beat him in a race too."

Sorry Kris!

I watched other hands fire up eagerly in the air and I waited.

"Can I play with your hair?" A young girl asked as she released a big yawn.

"Now that's a good question sweetheart." I said with a nod, not expecting it but buying time to think. "I need a haircut, but the people here cutting hair are a bit strange, so I can send ya my hair to play with if you want. My hair likes to play dolly's and likes to have tea parties, so if you like to play them, my hair would love ya."

I wait for a second or two to wait around for another question to be asked.

"Do you have a baby?" I was asked.

"Only Bear." I replied quickly. "He's like a big baby at times, but no, me and Eves don't have kiddies right now."

"Where is Bear?" Someone shouts out without being asked.

"Bear's having his fifth nap of the day." I said with a grin. "He likes a nap, and goes to bed whenever we tell him to. He'd be a grouchy pup if he didn't nap a lot."

Sadly that was true. Have you ever put up with a moody mutt because of lack of sleep? Trust me, you don't wanna. He can be proper moody.

"Where do babies come from?" A boy shouted out.

Well.... That's an awkward one.

"Well I was found under a gooseberry bush." I told them. "And Eves was brought along by a stork, who wrapped her up and took her to her mum and dad."

I smiled and hoped that would be good enough as I waited for other hands to fly in the air and a boy was picked out.

"If you could be any colour Power Ranger, what colour would you be?" Came the question.

I tapped my chin, I had no idea what Power Rangers were still about, I haven't seen that show in years and I didn't remember it being that great all those years ago.

"I'd think I'd be my own colour." I said with a grin to cover up my lack of information. "I'm thinking like two colours, maybe a Dundee blue and white, maybe stripes or diamonds, so I stand out and when the bad guys see me, they'll be like who the heck is that Power Ranger? And while they're looking at me, the other Power Rangers can sneak up on them. I will have the power of distraction I think."

I wait for the next question to come in my direction and a little girl asked.

"Is pink your favourite colour?" She asked in a tiny voice.

A wide smile crossed my face as I looked at the screen, the innocence in her voice made me light up inside.

"Well, that depends." I said. "Is pink your favourite colour?"

The little girl nodded shyly at the screen.

"Then pink is my favourite colour too sweetheart." I said with a wink.

I waited for the next question to fire towards me.

"Do you think your toys come to life when you are sleeping?" A young lad asked me.

"Well, I think they do, but only to check on you when you're sleeping and keep the oooger boogers away from ya." I said. "My friend has a teddy bear that protects him when he's asleep. I think the thing protects him when he's awake too."

"ANGEL!" The boy yelled out.

My natural reaction was to look around the room and I did just that. You never knew when you might be doing something and Angel would appear, he has that habit.

"That's the guy." I said with a grin.

"Who would win in a fight." The same boy asked. "You or Angel?"

"Angel, hands down." I told him. "He'd wallop me. I'm glad he hasn't tried to win my championship. He should have the nickname The Baddest Bear On The Planet."

A lot of kids in the room in Maine laughed out loud and hands jumped in the air again. A little redheaded girl was picked out.

"I'm Samantha and I is four...what is the naughtiest thing that you has done?" She asked.

"I know a Samantha who's a redhead, but she's a bit older than four, well I think she is, but she won't tell me her age. Now let me think." I said tapping my chin.

I had to step on ground that I didn't expect, I couldn't be completely honest, because these were kids after all, so I picked something that came to mind first.

"Well Samantha." I started slowly. "One day, I got really drunk and I jumped up on a table and started dancing."

The kids laugh out loud.

"And I can't dance, but I was shaking my bum bum like a right wally." I said with a smile. "This shows that you should never, ever get drunk cause you'll end up doing silly things like that and shaking booty in a room full of strangers."

I wiggled in the chair to prove my point and looked with a sideways glance at the clock on the wall.

"Now, how's about a game of would you rather?" I asked.

It wasn't too long till a cheer went up in the room, and eager hands reached for the sky. I waited for a teacher to pick someone out.

"Would you rather get eaten by a crocodile or a lion?" A boy asked.

"Gotta be one of those crocagator things." I said with a confident nod. "I mean those things would just eat ya in one go, where a lion sorta has hands and he might get a knife and fork out and will take him longer. Which means he'll probably cook me and it'll take ages. Crocs will be happy having me as sushi."

I waited for the next question to come at me.

"Would you rather fly a kite or swing on a swing?" A little girl asked.

"I would rather swing." I said with a nod. "Cause I can throw my legs in the air and yell Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

The kids laughed at me and I waited once more for the next question.

"Would you rather be funny or smart?" Someone asked me.

"Aw, I have to pick one?" I said. "I thought I was already funny and smart, but if I had to pick just one, I'd have to go with smart. If I was that smart, I could figure out how to be funny too, so I can then be funny and smart at the same time."

I tapped the side of my head and smiled at the camera.

"Would you rather be able to do flips and backflips or break dance?" a boy asked me.

"Oh break dance definitely." I said right away. "I mean if I tried to do a backflip with my chunky butt, I'd probably land right on my head and that will hurt. I'll be walking around with little birdies flying around my head, just like in the cartoons and no one wants to see that, especially the little birdies who would probably get dizzy flying around in a circle."

I watched as I heard a few more laughs and got the next question.

"Would you rather only be able to walk on all fours or only be able to walk sideways like a crab?" a girl asked.

"Totally crab like." I said without hesitation. "Could you imagine me walking like a crab? I could sneak up on Eves as a crab and she'd never see me coming."

Admittingly, she'd probably turn around and punt me in the mush but it'll be completely worth it. Plus, people might used the My Name Is Earl thing..... Heeeeeeeeeeey crabman!

"Would you rather have the chance to design a new toy or create a new TV show?" An older boy asked me.

"Both." I said. "I could create a new TV show about people creating new toys. You'd watch that, right?"

The general consensus of the room was a yes and I waited for another question.

"Would you rather have a magic carpet that flies or a see-through submarine?" An older girl asked.

"Magic carpet." I replied quickly. "Just so me and Eves can do that scene from Aladdin.... I already know the words.... I can show you the woooooooooorld."

The room giggles at my hammy, over the top version of A Whole New World, well, the line from it and another question was quickly asked by another boy.

"Would you rather be able to control fire or water?" He asked.

"Now that's a good question but I think it would have to be water." I said with a slight nod. "With water, you can cool yourself down when you feel like a sweaty Betty, plus if there was ever a big fire, you could go whoosh and put it out in seconds. Plus if there's someone you don't like, you can wait for them to step outside their house and get them all wet. Not that I'm saying you should do that, you should all be nice to each other."

Dodging bullets there. The last thing I needed was someone going and lumping a bucket of water over someone they don't like. The angry letters I'd get!

"Would you rather have a tail that can’t grab things or wings that can’t fly?" Someone asked.

I laughed out loud at that one myself, what an absolute brilliant question.

"Amazing question." I started with an approving nod. "I think I gotta go with wings that don't fly. I think people might think I'm an angel or something with angel powers and wouldn't be mean to me, even though they're just wings."

I waited to get another question.

"Would you rather eat a whole raw onion or a whole lemon?" A boy asked.

"Onion, no doubt." I replied. "I absolutely love onions, love raw onions. Evie thinks they're horrible but I love raw onions, so I'd sit there and chomp down on an onion if I can cut it up first. Don't think I can do it if I had to munch it like an apple though."

I glanced at the time once more.

"I think guys and girls, I have time for a couple more questions." I told them.

I got a sigh of sadness coming back through at me, which made me sad inside but I knew these guys needed to get back to class. I watched as more hands went in to the air.

"Would you rather have eyes that change colour depending on your mood or hair that changes colour depending on the temperature?" An older boy asked me.

"Gotta be the eyes." I said with a smile. "I wouldn't want my hair to turn like purple whenever it got cold. I'd look proper funny then."

The teacher selected another student.

"Would you rather eat broccoli flavoured ice cream or meat flavoured cookies?" The girl asked.

"Meat flavoured cookies, definitely meat flavoured cookies." I replied right away. "I don't like broccoli at all, I love ice cream but broccoli, nooooooooooooooo, so bad."

I really couldn't stand the stuff, I mean really couldn't, but again, one of those differences with me and Eves, she loves the stuff, like how? Why? It's broccoli

"Guys, I got time for one more question and you lot need to get back and fill that edge with knowledge." I told them all.

As expected a plethora of hands fired in to the air and the teacher picked one out, causing the others to groan loudly.

"Would you rather have a house with trampoline floors or a house with aquarium floors?" A girl asked.

"Trampoline." I said quickly. "Imagine how quickly I could move around the house if all the floors were bouncy? I could like bounce all the way to where I was going in a few jumps."

I smiled widely, knowing my next thing I said would disappoint people.

"Right guys and girls, it's time for me to get going." I said sadly.

As expected, a groan came back in my direction.

"But don't worry." I said with a reassuring grin. "We'll do this again real soon. Make sure you watch me wrestle on Sunday."

A few short goodbyes later, the screen was black and the kids were off to class. It was good to try and give someone else a boost, God knows we all need it at this point. It was time to focus, to focus on one man and one man only, Jack Washington.




The scene opens inside the Staggs Dungeon. The camera spins around the walls decorated with memorabilia of the Staggs family, their trainees, as well as championships won, and pictures. The camera spin to the ring to show me standing in the middle of the ring, the SCW World Heavyweight Championship over my shoulder. I look around the empty building as the camera moves in a little.

"Alright people." I say with a smile on my face. "Thanks for joining me in a ring where on Sunday, I'll be back in action."

I point to the ring canvas.

"First off, massive thank you to you fellas who own this place for not only letting me stand here and have a chat, but for letting us have a few shows here." I say with an appreciative nod. "It's been a tough time and honestly, most of us are running out of places to stand and have a chat with you guys about upcoming matches. It's all fun and games when you hear you're staying in a luxury hotel, but after a few months, kinda run out of places to sit and have a chin wag."

It was true, how many more promos could I do from the bar? It's going back to the days where that fella Matthew Kennedy used to do every promo from a hotel room and shut the laptop to finish as a full stop. Strange days.

"So I had a word with the good people I know and got to come here early to have a chat." I say with a wave of my finger. "I know Vegas has opened up a bit but I'm a cautious bloke after spending best part of a year sick."

I knew I was getting off track so it was time to get it back on track.

"Anyways. What a mad few months it's been." I comment. "Not just the outside world but in our own little world, in our wrestling world. I've been a champion for a while now, and I've done all I can to keep driving this division, I've taken on everyone who's stepped up, I've taken on and beaten everyone who has gone the open contract route and I've been proud of that. I know you can sit there and look through the eyes of Mark Cross and how he saw it, I've been beating people who had to jump at an open challenge because they wasn't at that level. It was one way to look at it, but I saw it as a challenge, keep things exciting. Now Jack Washington has jumped up to be the next one in line, but for some reason, Jack Washington doing that stick in my throat."

Realistically, there was no difference between an open challenge and someone stepping up and Jack giving himself this title match, but for some reason, it got on my last nerve.

"I think I know why it got on my nerves Jack, well a couple of reasons." I confidently put across. "One, this has been the plan for you since that hand grabbed hold of whatever was swinging about the ring and you heard that bell go ding ding ding! And secondly, you never had the Jacobs to come and walk to that ring, or stand face to face with me and say you want a go at this."

I run my hand over the SCW World Heavyweight championship.

"I believe a lot can be said about a person when it comes to them wanting a title." I say with bowed head. "I mean you look at the other side, people like Christina, people like Jessie Salco, they don't have a desire for gold, they have a thirst for it, like they must have a title to boost themselves, not cause they're the best for the job, they have no care about the fact there are better people than them about to lead, they are just thirsty. Then you get the entitled, sadly like Alicia Lukas, I'm a big fan of Alicia, but she sees that title and must have it, don't wanna sit there and build herself, it's just a gimme, gimme, gimme way, but the difference between them and you, they call out champions, you try and sneak in the backdoor. That's cowardly."

I had a huge dislike of people who did that and not man up.

"That puts you on a low level Jack." I say in a serious tone. "You could have at any point said you wanted a shot at me and you'd have got it. You didn't need to book yourself in this match, you coulda did what Griffin did and put your name on one of those open contracts for a huge show main event, you coulda walked to that ring and told me that's what you was gonna do and you'd have left this ring I'm standing in right now with at least a little of my respect. This feels cheap to me. I don't like cheap mate, I like a bit of face to face interaction, just so I can respect my opponent."

Win or lose, I wanted to always be in a ring with someone I respected. Yes, there was some opponents who might not have been on my level that I have faced, but at least I had respect for the way they've handled their business when it came to me.

"Have you ever heard of the phrase crawl before you can walk? Or walk before you run?" I ask. "Well this is one of those cases Jack. Cause last week, you got your arse handed to ya by a bloke who speaks to plant life. This is seriously a case of you running head first in to something, when a dirty great Mexican fella showed ya last week that you've barely started walking just yet. You've gone right, I just want that World title, I wanna beat Ben Jordan, I wanna shock the world, and try grab that belt and alter the face of SCW. I get that, but you must feel like a right bellend to think your chances have improved after that shambles last week. Let's be honest, it was the worst possible thing you coulda done. You lost to the bloke who looks like he'll be challenging for a lower title, then there's you who steps up to try and take a higher belt a week after losing to the number one contender to the Internet title. Do you see my point here Jack? Do you get it a little bit? You're not ready for this and you've let ego push you through and in to this match instead of sitting there thinking about building yourself in to someone I can sit and fear. If you would have won last week, I would have been sitting here taking you a little bit more seriously. I know how good Vinnie is and if you would have got past him, it would have been the perfect build up to trying to get your hands on me, and I would have been like hold on a minute, this fella can pull off a shock here. Truth is though, you lost to Senor Vinnie. It doesn't bode well for you."

I was speaking the truth there, if he would have beat Vinnie, I would have absolutely taken it more seriously, I'd have been believing a shock could be on the card.

"You can sit and say it was a DQ and don't mean a thing, you seem like that kinda guy who would use that one." I say slightly judgemental. "But the fact is, you couldn't put Senor Vinnie away Jack, and you're not gonna put me away, you're not gonna get this belt from my grip."

I smile as I tap my championship belt with my right hand.

"DQ or not, you lost. You heard that commentary line if you watched it back, said Vinnie clearly had the win before the DQ happened and I agree" I had to remind him. "Game over, you lost and trying to get hold of my belt is gonna be a whole lot tougher."

I could feel that confidence of a champion flow through me, I could feel a bounce in my step, I could feel myself feel like a champion again.

"I admit, I don't know if that loss has helped or hindered my feelings about this match." I say with a smile. "I mean it was obvious as all hell you was gonna give yourself this shot and I honestly sat there and asked myself if the fans would even wanna see this match. I mean according to Eves, you had The GO Gym's top new prospect on your side for Blast From The Past and you couldn't get through that, you had a top opponent last week and couldn't put him down. I dunno how much credibility you even have coming in to this one. I doubted long before you lost last week, that people would wanna see you face me, and if you'd have beat the Mexican, you'd have got people interested so I think people are less interested in this one this week than they would have been before then, but don't worry, I'll get their interest, it's what I do."

Yes, that confidence was there and hitting every part of me from head to toe.

"I admit, I had a ton of motivational issues coming in to this one Jack." I admit out loud. "I wasn't up for it at all, it was more of a sigh than thinking yeah, chance to take on someone new, the sigh became a groan after last week, and then I found out about Griffin Hawkins putting his name on a contract for Summer XXXTreme, and that got the blood flowing again, that got a smile on my face, that got me jumping up and down with excitement and I was probably guilty of looking forward to something, I was making that mistake of putting the cart before the horse and looking at future challengers over what's sitting right there in front of me. Then it hit me, this is gonna motivate me to get through you. Griffin Hawkins, just by putting his name on a contract is driving me forward because that is something the fans wanna see, that is something people will pay to watch. There's not a doubt in my mind that the fans are thinking of that. They've already skipped past the fact that come Sunday, Jack Washington gets his shot. They're already thinking about Ben Jordan defending against Griffin Hawkins, they're urging me on to make light work of you and move on to something they wanna see."

I can't lie, I'm much more excited about Griffin Hawkins than Jack Washington. I know the fans are too. Since Sunday, I've seen the fans explode about me and Griffin and how we can turn it in to a match of the year candidate. They ain't wrong.

"My halo might be a little faded at the moment Jack, but I'm still gonna wanna give the fans what they want." I say firmly. "And what they want is Ben Jordan Vs Griffin Hawkins, they don't want a chancer like you Jack, taking on Griffin. I think Griffin would much rather get in the ring with me again than taking you on for my championship so I will give those people what they want, I will give Griffin what he wants. You're just a little bump in the road for me at this point that I just gotta sneak over and I got all the confidence in the world in myself that I will get past you. It wasn't a well hidden secret this match was gonna happen, everyone knew ego over common sense would prevail so as long as you're sitting there thinking about how you're gonna wrestle my belt from me, for weeks, I've been thinking about how I'm gonna stop you from doing just that."

Every opponent is different for me, I never paint everyone with the same brush.

"So I've watched your successes Jack." I start. "I watched your failures and I'm gonna add another failure to your list. I got my plan and know exactly how to make it happen, have no fear about that. The last week, my mind has been focused on you. I don't like being that guy who rips the young talent down, I don't like being the guy who stops young talent rising to the top, I dislike people who do that but for you Jack, this is much too much, much too soon. I would stake a lot on the fact that you have future champion written all over you, a hell of a lot, because you're not without talent there, there's bags of it that even the blind can see mate, but this is one hell of a step up to whatever you've gone against before, one hell of a step up and it's a step your little legs just can't take. It's just a bit too steep for you at this point."

Sadly, I meant that. Jack Washington is the future of SCW, he will have my championship at some point in his career, I can't speak highly enough of his talent, but he's not ready for this, this is a jump off a cliff hoping there's water below.

"Anyway Jack, I think I'm outta time here, so I will leave you to have a little think about everything I've said. I hope you don't feel too disappointed when I walk out of here with my championship belt." I say seriously. "You may very well be the future of SCW if you stick with it, but the future isn't right now for you. I wish you all the luck in the world, but I don't think that's gonna help ya too much if I'm completely honest."

I shrug as I look directly down the camera.

"Right you lovely lot, it's been a whole lot of fun, but it's time to get me skates on." I say with a smile. "You make sure you join us on Sunday from this brilliant place, The Staggs Dungeon, and I'll promise you the best match of the night."

I wink and nod.

"Laters people."

The camera fades to black.
>

Cockney King.
SCW World Heavyweight Champion
SCW Internet Champion
SCW Roulette Champion
SCW Tag Team Champion (3x)
SCU Underground champion
ACW's only Triple Crown Champion.
Super J Cup Winner 2013.
Twitter: @CockneyKingBen