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And out onto the stage emerged the one the so-called armchair experts called the "smartest" of the Metal Maniacs triad, or at the very least, the 'leader' of the tandem after the ousting of their mutual therapist, Doctor Kraven Moorehead -- (Yes you read that right!) -- Anthrax! Triple M aka the Male Metal Maniac, marched onto the stage, decked out in a red and yellow feathered boa as the music blared over the Wal-Mart stereo system, his eyes hidden by shades and mussed hair tied down in a Hulkamania bandana. The canned "cheers" (much like canned laughs for old sitcoms) beckoned him to all sides of the stage and he played to the non-existent crowd in the ... wherever the heck they were.
He stepped to the edge of the stage and leaned over, moving his wrist around his ear to beckon for more and louder cheers. He leaned over even further -- and promptly fell off the stage with a clatter of tables and chairs being overturned! A moment later, Anthrax scrambled back up onto the stage and was greeted by the boots of his two teammates, Twisted Sister and the woman who would be in action this weekend in Tucson, the one who was perhaps the most dangerously unhinged of them all, the Iron Maiden.
With his shades hanging off of his dried and tattered makeup covered face, He looked up at his teammates and there was that toothy grin which would be handsome and charming were it not for the fact it could spoil milk.
Twisted Sister: What are you DOING!?
Anthrax then kicked his feet up all dainty like with his chin propped up in the cup of his hands.
Anthrax: What does it look like!? Getting the mood set for her....
He pointed at Iron Maiden who tilted her head to the left and her eyes almost rolled back in her head, exposing only the whites.
Anthrax: ... Opponent! It's not every day she gets to wrestle Hulk....
Iron Maiden: Wrong Hogan!
Now it was Anthrax's turn to tilt his head to the side like a confused puppy.
Anthrax: Que?
Iron Maiden: I'm fighting Amelia....!
Anthrax: Amelia Bedelia! Oh I loved those books when I was... well, three weeks ago!
Twisted Sister: NO! Amelia Hogan! That's who she's fighting!
Anthrax pursed his lips and slowly removed his shades entirely, even though they were practically hanging from his face. He stared at Twisted Sister, then looked at Iron Maiden who bared her teeth in a manic, excited grin and she nodded eagerly.
Anthrax: Pthhh! BORING!
And he hopped up and marched away, leaving the two maniac women to watch after him until Iron Maiden pulled on the sleeve of Twisted Sister to get her attention.
Iron Maiden: Are you sure it's Amelia Hogan I'm chopping up?
Twisted Sister side-eyed the camera, then looked at Iron Maiden.
Twisted Sister: Pretty sure! Why?
Iron Maiden: I just wasn't sure! I'm not even sure she knows who she is!
Iron Maiden leaned over and whispered into the ear of Twisted Sister.
Iron Maiden: I may be seeing things! I saw her... then she looked different! Now she looks like a pixie!
Iron Maiden grips her by the shoulder and they stare wide-eyed, cheek to cheek.
Iron Maiden: Shape shifter?
Twisted Sister: Could be! You're going to have to help her!
Iron Maiden: Beat the real Amelia Hogan out of her?
Twisted Sister: Yeah! Sound like fun!?
Iron Maiden stepped aside and held up a meat cleaver, eyeing it as her head tilted from left to right as she rolled her eyes back again and ran her tongue around her open-mouth lips. A guttural, almost inhuman screech emanated from the back of her throat.
Iron Maiden: Sounds PEACHY! Because I love to help! I'm a GIVING person!
Twisted Sister smiled and nodded.
Twisted Sister: Of course you are!
Iron Maiden: It might -- will -- hurt! But do what you have to! Cut you! Bleed you! Break your bones! End her career before it even starts! Whatever it takes to bring out her true self! Whatever it takes....
She then eyed the camera and shrieked a wild cackle.
Iron Maiden: Because I'm just TOO NICE that way!
And she swung the meat cleaver at the camera ... and static. And the laughter of Twisted Sister!
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