I guess it's only human nature to look back into the past and wish you could change things that did not go according to your own designs. It's common knowledge that people tend to hold onto their bad memories longer than they do good. I don't know why that is. maybe it's because when something good happens in our lives, we bask in the warm glow and live in the moment. As anyone will tell you, any glow, no matter the brightness, fades after a period of time. Shadows endure. When something bad happens, it tends to stay with us. We find ourselves reflecting back on those bad moments relentlessly, wishing we could change them.
I've been going through that ever since my first round match in the Lethal Lottery tournament at December 2 Dismember. I know I shouldn't be upset with my partner at the time, Old Skool. But I can't help but feel that pang of regret every time I think back to that match against Sean and Wyatt.
Bo moves towards his corner, as does Wyatt. Both men reach out to their corners and their partners tag themselves in. Both Bo and Wyatt lay on the outside as their respective managers check on their condition, concern on both their faces. In the ring, both Nightmare and Old Skool change at each other. Old Skool takes Nightmare down with a huge clothesline, Nightmare quickly spins and jumps to his feet but Nightmare trips Old Skool, forcing his throat to bounce off the top rope. Nightmare jumps to his feet and drops Old Skool with a reverse DDT. Nightmare raises his arms in the air and looks around.
Simone: I think Nightmare is looking to end it!
Adams: Best time to do so with Bo Dreamwolf down!
Nightmare drags Old Skool to his feet and hooks him up with a suplex and nailing him hard with a Jackhammer
Simone: Self Destruction!
Nightmare hooks the leg and Patton makes the count
1...
2...
3!
I was stunned. I just felt ... stunned. The end of the match came from out of nowhere. I didn't even really have a chance to recover or catch my breath after tagging out before the match had ended and I had ended up on the losing side. I shouldn't have been upset with Old Skool.
But I was, and am.
See, that match wasn't just about the possibility of championship gold. It had personal significance to me because I had a very special lady outside watching from the front row. It took some pestering and needling on my part, but I had managed to convince my grandmother to make the journey to Los Angeles with me. She had never gotten to see me compete in person, always on television or recordings. So I take great pride that I managed to guilt this wondrous woman who can't be guilted into anything else to take a little adventure with her grandson and watch me compete in person. Oh I was convinced it would be a great little trip, where we could drive over all those states, stop to see a sight or two. Eat wherever we wanted and stay in some nice hotels. And it was nice, up until the night of the match.
"Hey Bo!"
I heard the call of my name as I finished zipping up my jacket. I reached for my bags as I turned around and saw a couple of the other guys approach me. It was getting late, the show was over and had started letting out roughly twenty minutes ago. I reached down and zipped up my tanned jacket when Gabriel of the Seven Deadly Sins group approached me with his friend, Shane Boswell.
"Hey man," Shane said. "A bunch of us are going to get together at the Avalon soon as we leave. You in?"
I smiled. For a group of men and women who pride themselves on living life through the philosophies of the seven Sins, they had good hearts, unless they were trying to get me drunk or pull a fast one. Mister Parker and Mister Ward warned me not to put it past them, so I always managed to remain on my guard. Especially with that manager of theirs, Synn. That guy makes me uncomfortable just looking in my general direction. I think I once caught him trying to look up under my loin cloth, but I can't be sure. I never felt comfortable in asking.
Besides I had other company, and another problem.
"No, thank you." I said as I shook my head. "I appreciate the offer but I'd rather not."
"C'mon man." Gabriel said, giving my arm a light cuff. "You get asked by the guys over and over to hang out at the clubs and the only times you go are when Austin or Mark are around. Don't you trust us?"
I would normally give them some reassurance but that wicked smile on Gabriel's face gave me reason alone to halt my initial response and raise a brow in questioning.
"It's not that I don't trust you Gabriel." I said. "Of course that's not saying I do either."
Both men laughed at that. Maybe I have been hanging around Mister Parker and Mister Ward too much?
I continued, "Besides, I know you guys usually just hang out at those places to get a little company for the evening."
"Touche'." Shane smiled. "And when you went last time around with Mark and Austin, you weren't doing too badly. Had a fair number of beauts competing for your attention."
Gabriel added, "That is until you got up and went back to your hotel alone."
"If he went back alone." Shane murmured, leaning into Gabriel's ear to whisper. "We never really did see him leave."
"True." Gabriel nodded, that smile returning. "So...?"
"So...what?" I asked.
"So come with us!" Gabriel reiterated, rolling his eyes. "This is LA! The bevy of babes you could score with would be pretty amazing!"
"Thanks fellas." I said, somewhat disturbed by the attention they seem to be taking on whether or not I get laid. "But I'm afraid i already have the company of a beautiful woman this evening."
"Oh really?" Gabriel raised his brow, clearly not believing my 'excuse'. "And do we know her?"
"I'm not certain." I answered as a smile crossed my lips. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"
I nodded my head, directing their attention behind them. Both Shane and Gabriel looked behind them and blinked. My grandmother was sitting just about ten feet down the hall on a small chair, quiet as a church mouse. She was dressed snugly in her winter jacket and the scarf I bought her around her neck. She was watching the pair with a smile on her face and i could just see the twinkle in those brown eyes.
"Grams?" I said aloud, making certain Shane and Gabriel knew of whom I was addressing. The flush to their faces was charming as I walked over and offered her my arm. She took it and I helped her from her seat and escorted her over to the now two very awkward gentlemen. I presented her and said, "Grams, I'd like for you to meet Shane and Gabriel. Guys, this is my grandmother."
Both Shane and Gabriel stammered a couple of hello's and offered their hands to her which she graciously accepted. It wasn't easy to hide the smile that I knew was threatening to expose itself on my face. But it is amazing that the biggest and most confident of men can become timid youths when faced with a man's grandmother.
When her purse slipped from her shoulder and landed on the floor, I thought I was going to start rolling when both of them reached pretty quickly to get it for her. Gabriel snagged it first and offered it back to her and she thanked them for their 'kind manners' and referred to them both as being a couple of 'good boys'. That only made their faces go even redder. I can't imagine the last time either Gabriel or Shane Boswell were called 'good boys'. So I offered her my arm and escorted her out of the building, giving both guys a look I hope they understood.
I was happy as I was.
Now I find myself driving into the city of Las Vegas again, this time alone. i tried to get her to come with me again but I guess a grandson's guilt just isn't what a grandmother's is made to be. She said maybe another time but she didn't feel like making the trip. Of course, that didn't stop her concerns and making me promise to be safe, and to call her when I got in, and after my match, and when i was setting out to leave... well, you understand.
The lights on the interstate were dazzling. It was pretty early in the morning. the clock on the dash of the car was reading just after four in the morning. I probably should have stopped somewhere to sleep, but the little pains I've been experiencing lately have been working my sleep pattern something fierce. I probably should talk to Mister Parker about it. I would go to a doctor but somehow grams would find out and In don't need her growing concerned over something that was probably nothing. Little aches and pains in my back and arms, but ones that have been building up over time. Mister Parker would be the one to go to, but someone else passed along a little help. Help I wasn't too sure about but I just need to keep grams from finding out her grandson's body feels like it's starting to break down. If i went to Mister Parker, well... with everything his body has been put through that even ended his career, he might not even want to hear it. Compared to what happened to him, my pains are nothing.
Now if I could just get my mind off of that one loss, I would be all set, because this match I have signed won't be a cake walk by any means of the phrase. Mister Parker told me as much as he knew about Blade Alexander, and I watched all I could of him.
I turned off of the interstate and was driving along the city roads and I continued to think as I watched for any signs that would direct me to the hotel where Mister Parker's wife had a room reserved for me.
Wrestling Blade will be a serious detriment, especially given the fact that I'm working against him in his own hometown. That only means that he's going to try even harder so he doesn't lose in his own hometown. losing in such a place that you call your own is perhaps one of the worst embarrassments a wrestler can suffer. You think those people had come to see you, to see you compete and to watch you win. Sending them home after watching you do the exact opposite can't be a good feeling. Thank goodness I never had to experience something like that. I don't even think they ever had a professional wrestling event in Tahlequah.
Bingo.
I saw the hotel sign in flashing neon and I made my turn and pulled into the drive.
Don't get me wrong. The fact I'm facing the man in his hometown isn't going to make me try and less harder to pin his shoulders to the mat or make him shout uncle. I want this win. I didn't come into the business of wrestling to tank a match just because I felt bad for someone. Blade Alexander is one of the top challengers to the Heavyweight championship, and is set to face Nick Jones to determine that very title. That speaks highly for the man's skill, and for how the staff sees him as a future for the company. But me? That makes me see him as the man to beat. It's just a shame I'm going to have to do it in front of all of his family and friends.
A quick check in later and I was good to go. I slid the key card down the lock on my room door, and actually had to do it two or three times before I heard the click and the tiny light lit up green to let me know that I could go in. I miss actual keys.
I dropped two of my bags right inside of the door to my room and flipped the switch on and the lights turned on brightly. I adjusted the nob and let them dim down a bit as I carried my third bag over to the bed where I dropped it and sat down beside it. I stretched and yes, winced as the strain in my arms and back flared up again. I sighed as I knew then the night would go by slowly and with little rest.
Unless...
I unzipped the bag and started to rummage around inside of it.
No, the loss bothered me, but when it comes to regrets, my grams said it best when she told me, 'Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one waits forever.' I had to get over it and move forward if I wanted to advance my career. I had to look at Blade as exactly what he was; talented, but little more than a simple road block. Mister Parker would skin me alive if he knew...
I sighed and pulled the small brown bottle from the bag and I stared at it. Mister Parker? Grams would whip me clear into tomorrow, but the pain is just getting to be too much. I never told them because I just didn't want anyone worrying about me, or thinking me weak.
I popped the cap off of the bottle and dropped two caplets into the palm of my open hand and glanced up as I tossed them into my mouth.
But nobody needs to know.
