[Frankie Holliday]

Oh no. I lost. Everything I have worked for in 5 matches is now gone.
Whatever shall I do?

It took me 3 matches to gain a Bombshell’s championship match.
I have had 5 matches in my pro career.

Correct me if I’m wrong, because goodness knows I can be, but I believe losing that match is the result of a “rookie mistake.”

Make no mistake about it, I’m a rookie. Again, the whole 5 match thing should have been a dead giveaway, but I suppose I am just so wise and skilled beyond my level of experience that people mistook me for some savvy veteran. I am a rookie wrestler. This is my first year of actively competing., I made a mistake, and I will more than likely make others along my journey. So, I’m not disheartened by losing. In fact, I almost expected it. I figured I had done enough to push Kayla Richards buttons, but in the back of my head, I took into account that yes, this could backfire.

Is it frustrating? Sure. I wanted to set a record, but at the end of the day, it’s a learning experience. I understand now that Kayla knows I have her number and can compete with her. She didn’t outshine me. She didn’t outclass me. She won because I made a mistake. She simply wanted to cement the win and now is acting like she kicked my ass. Which is fine. She knows the truth, and so do I.

But the question becomes where do I go from here after such a devastating loss?! How will I ever recover from this? I am at the back of the line.

Simple. Just win more matches. I like to think I’m pretty good at this thus far.

But I had to learn a lot of things the hard way.

“You made the right decision, Jelly.” 

Eddie’s words hung in the air as I sat silently as we drove away from the only home I’d ever known. Eddie always called me “Jelly’ because he said we went together like peanut butter and jelly. I found it strange at first, but the more he used it, the more it stuck. We were a team and we had just faced a huge obstacle, and now I was free. It was April, and I still had to go to school, but that felt completely insignificant at that moment. Why bother? I wasn’t happy there and I needed time to absorb everything I was now facing.

I was kicked out of my home with very few possessions. The things I threw in a backpack.

“We can maybe come back some other time and get the rest of your stuff.” He added, but I never felt up to responding.

Weirdly, while I was emotionally torn, I didn’t cry, I didn’t really feel anything. I know I should have, given what happened. My own father pointed a gun at me. Telling me to get out of his house, leaving my pill-popping mother to her own devices. I was on my own. But I felt nothing.

We pulled up to Eddie’s house and he had to break the news to his mother that I was going to be staying a while. I had met his mother a couple of times, but only in passing. I never had any sort of lengthy conversation with her. It was “Hi” and “Bye” most of the time.

“You are more than welcome to stay with us.” She said warmly and sincerely.

“Thanks.” I just replied with a shrug.

Eddie’s folks had a spare bedroom they were pretty much just using for some extra storage, but I made it my own. It felt very awkward and almost wrong to sleep in that bed for like the first week. I was still in shock and mostly numb, but Eddie’s mom would always check on me. At first, it felt weird, and then it felt kind of normal. She bought me new clothes so I wasn’t sitting there in the same 4 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans.

We never actually went back to pick up anything else. I didn’t think I could return to the house. And Charlie didn’t really know Eddie, and neither did my mother. It was more of a risk for anyone to go back there. It was best left alone.

I eventually just stopped going to school. I would get dressed and Eddie would drive me to school on his way to his dad’s garage, but I would just find somewhere else to go. This freedom was odd to me, but I just started exploring. I went to dog parks and the library and things like that. It didn’t matter, the school sent things to my old house, and they knew I was gone.

Eddie would stay long hours with his dad. He was doing something he loved. He loved cars. He loved working on them, and talking about them. He would pick me up from school and he would chat my ear off about his day and the cars and what was wrong with them. I sort of learned through just listening to the basics of auto repair how to do it. Eddie loved that I took an interest in it, though I don’t think it would have mattered if I wasn’t listening anyway. Eddie just loved cars.

But I wasn’t really accomplishing much sitting in my room and sulking after I stopped going. Eventually I had to let Eddie know that I just wasn’t interested in school anymore. He at first didn’t seem to like it, but he eventually supported it. I just found myself trying to find stuff to do, and I would always just come back to watching wrestling and finding my favorites and living vicariously through them.

Eddie’s mom walked in one day and sat down on the bed.

“So, Franchesca, how long are you planning to stay?” She asked, more pointedly than anything she’d ever asked me.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t have much.” I replied.

“I know that. I said you were welcome to stay, but what do you plan to do?”

“I don’t know. I’m trying to figure that out.”

[color=fae7b5]“We can call your parents and see if they will take -

“NO.” I knew what she was getting at. “I don’t want to go back.” I added, as sternly as possible.

“Well, I’m just saying you can’t stay here forever. At some point you’re going to have to figure something out.”

“I know.” I acknowledged with a nod. She wasn’t trying to get rid of me, at least not directly. This was a gentle shove in that direction though.

Eddie and I grew pretty close, but his mom was really beginning to short of try and drive me away. I had to talk to Eddie about the whole thing.

I did some work to help Eddie’s mom keep the house clean, just to make it feel like I was pulling my own weight. I helped with dishes and did laundry and whatever else I could to help. But it began to just annoy me that his mom was so impatient. It had been barely 2 months and she was pushing me out. I also began to notice Eddie was constantly checking on me, even when I wasn’t even doing anything. I’d look up and he’d be there. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. He was being extremely generous and I guessed he was just that worried about me. But when I’d see him, he’d just wave or say hi and that would be the end of it.

Finally I had to have a talk with Eddie.

“So, your mom is being super pushy lately.” I began. “She’s trying to get me to leave.”

“Nah, she’s just making sure you’re good. I mean, you don’t have school anymore, and you don’t have a job so… You know, you gotta do something.”

“I don’t know what I want to do. But your mom is making it very uncomfortable. I feel like I’m not welcome at this point. This is a very confusing time for me.”

“I know that.” Eddie said, rubbing my shoulder. “We just want to make sure that you have something.”

It felt strange that Eddie was taking his mom’s side in this, when it was clear to me that she wanted me out of the house. I guess I just didn’t understand family loyalty, even at 18. Because nothing in my life ever lasted, and now this was about to go away too.

So, I began to try and find a job.

Eddie’s mom bought me a dress to go to interviews with, and I began walking around when there would be a local job fair. And as it turns out, job fairs are entirely useless. There’s people there, and all they do is give you a pamphlet, or an application which they printed out and tell you it’s easier to just apply online. But there wasn’t anything of worth on my resume. I had done nothing, and I had literally no degrees or even a high school diploma.

Finally, I just started saying I had a diploma. Nobody was going to check that shit anyway. I even applied to work at Wal-mart’s and 7-11’s just so I had something. I got one, finally at a Burger King, so yes, for a little while, I did put the fries in the bag. I always came home smelling like BK. I hated it. This wasn’t what I meant to do. I just didn’t know how to change it.

The issue then became just how Eddie and I never saw each other. It was a big pain. We lived together, but we never actually were together at any point to even act like we were in a relationship. We lived with his parents. And so I began to feel suffocated in this relationship. We had nothing. Eddie was working with his dad, so he wasn’t really around, and it was only in the car that we ever got to talk amongst ourselves.

“How much longer can we do this?” I asked one night as he was driving me home.

“Do what?”

“Live with your parents. This was supposed to be about us, Eddie. Not your family.”

Eddie looked at me, confused and a bit angry.

“What more do you want me to do, Jelly? Leave? You want me to just leave my family and go who-knows-where with you?”

“Yes.”

Eddie was silenced for a minute. He just looked at me, not believing that I had said it out loud. He didn’t know how to respond.

“This is the life we need, Eddie. Do you really want to be stuck working for your dad your whole life? We can do so much better.”

Eddie was listening to me. He didn’t want to, and didn’t really see the issue that I had

“Every day, we do the same thing. This isn’t us. We can be so much more.”

“Like what?” He finally asked.

“I don’t know, but it’s better than this.”  I answered. “It has to be.”

Eddie really didn’t want to go there. We drove back to his house and he didn’t really talk to me for the next few days. I tried to give him space, since that’s all we really had. 

I was in my room, just messing around on my laptop and I heard the argument happening. Eddie was standing up for me to his parents. A little joy filled my heart. Maybe it was manipulation, but Eddie seemed to be the only person who cared about me without some string attached. Eddie repeatedly told his parents they didn’t understand me. How I needed time and I was different and all that. He really understood me. It was hot.

The fight was loud and I pretended like I didn’t hear it. It spanned quite a long time. Too long for me to act like I didn’t hear it by that point. I walked out into the living room, and was met with deafening silence.

“I’ll just… get my stuff.” I said.

Eddie and his mother stared at me, and then at each other, both angry and annoyed.

“Franchesca, I.. “

“No. It’s fine. I get it.” I stopped her.

I walked in and began gathering my things, now with even more stuff thanks to Eddie’s mom, and Eddie himself. Eddie’s mom came in and tried to stop me.

[color=fae7b5]“You don’t have to go anywhere. I’m sorry.”[/color]

I ignored her and kept packing. Eddie came in a few moments later.

“Frankie, come on. We -”

“We’re all good, Eddie. I’m sorry I did this.”

“Franchesca, it’s okay. Really.”

I finished, my backpack and a box in my arms as I exited the house. Eddie’s dad hadn’t said a word about this, so he and Eddie’s mom got into an argument. I heard it start up as I walked down the street.

I had no idea where I was going to go, but I realized I didn’t want to work at BK, and I wanted Eddie to be with me. But now, all of that was gone.
Or so I thought.

I had been walking for about an hour give or take when I heard the roar of the engine of Eddie’s car. He came hauling ass up the road and stopped beside me.

“Frankie, come on.”

“I’m not going back, Eddie.”

“You don’t have to. Neither am I.”

I turned and eyed him.

“Really?”

“Yes. I promise. We’ll go wherever you wanna go.”

For a long time I didn’t trust that. He opened the door, and I saw a box in his backseat. I knew then, he meant it. Eddie was leaving with me. I got in the car, excited for what was next.

“So… where are we going?” I asked?

“I don’t know. We’ll get there when we get there.”

And then, we drove off. I had to admit, now I was turned on. It was incredible what he had done for me. I wanted him so bad. I reached my hand between his legs and he got the point. We drove off somewhere, I don’t know where, nor did I care at that point. Clothes were pulled of, the car got really steamy and Eddie took me right then and there.

And I got a glimpse of the red flags that awaited me…

Yes, indeed, the chains of love are heavy.
[/color]

Kate Steele.
Kath-lyn Steele.
Diamond Steele.
Ruby Steele.
Real Steele.


Those are all you, right? Was one of them not you? I feel like one of them wasn’t. Yeah, now I remember, like Ruby was somebody different, right? I have to tell you, I don’t quite remember there have been so many changes.

Anyway, you know Kate, I love a good identity crisis story. I really do. Have you ever seen “Split?” It’s this movie about a guy who has 23 different personalities. Is that your thing? No, wait, no. It’s not that. You don’t have an identity crisis Kath-lyn. You don’t even have an identity at all.

But, to be fair, that’s what makes you so unique. The whole thing you do where you just adjust your whole persona to be something else when the mood strikes? It’s so cool. You are an inspiration in that department to people like me. You know, people who struggle to fit in, people who just have too strong of a sense of pride or dignity to just change who they are to fit in. You have shown them the way. You have told everyone “Fuck all that!” and I’m here for it. You are a great influence to a whole generation of posers.

Some people may not like it, and see it as a flaw, but I think it’s great. You are an amazing chameleon who has changed whenever you have come back or taken a break or just when you feel like it, and do this to achieve… whatever it is you’re going for, which, at this point nobody knows and honestly nobody cares. But me? I see the genius in it.

Who can forget your very obviously beneficial partnership with Courtney Pierce. She wins the title and you immediately try to get in with her. I see what you’re doing. I, for one, completely understand it. You had to suck the life out of Courtney, and now, she’s gone. That’s how parasocial relationships work. I understand the plan. The only issue has been, this has never worked out to your benefit.

Oh yeah, when there’s a rock and roll dude like Griffin Hawkins in SCW, you become a rockstar and you form a band and you play guitar, just like him. That way, you can become friends and use him to get…something out of him, I don’t know what. But, okay, I see the plan. When Griffin is gone, just cozy up next to Amy Marshall and Jessie Salco. Music lovers! You were in the Metal and Punk connection kinda-sorta! I love that for you!

Of course now you’ve switched from Rock and Punk to Pop, but hey… you have to constantly be evolving in this business right? This is what I’ve always heard. “Change with the times” I think you’ve probably misinterpreted that saying and gone with “Change at any time” But again, I applaud the effort and commitment to make these changes. You went through a lot to buddy up to every single person you could. And when the time was right, BAM! You dropped them so fast and moved onto the next hot thing.

I don’t think people understand how much work you put in Kate. Or… Diamond, or whatever you want to be now. You had to go to some extreme lengths and change your entire look, persona and attitude at times. And that takes a lot of commitment. You have to just tear down all the stuff you built in a matter of seconds. You have to be on the ball with that. You have to remember which sportsball teams you’re supposed to like and dislike and I’m sure that can be confusing. So I applaud your efforts, Real Steele.

You have inspired me to try and emulate that in my normal life. And it has worked like a charm at times.

It is quite exciting to try and schmooze my way to everything in life. Just dropping all pretense and just going for it like you have done. The amount of people you have manipulated, used and abused is pretty high, so I don’t think I’m quite at that level just yet. But I understand the thrill of it all. I had to learn to ditch the fear of being exposed like you have so many times though. So this is a very difficult learning curve.

And then when I thought I knew it all, and I was looking to try and be an equal to you… you changed the whole game, Diamond.

You actually went and altered your physical appearance. You changed your whole look for this role. It’s like “whoa.” Now that is the level of commitment that very few can touch. You have to be so deep into it that you’re willing to throw your entire way of life away and never go back. You have to be so ready and willing to make a change to this level that very few people are willing to even attempt it.

I suppose when it’s basically multiple choice at this point, it makes it a little easier.

But still, I applaud that. Maybe you didn’t like who you were, you know? Like a noble choice to really make a change. Let’s change everything about Kate Steele so she’s a completely different person. That’s what you were going for right? It’s a bold move. Drop everything and start fresh. Then you can reveal the “True” Kath-Lyn Steele. One that has never been seen! A new, improved version of you!

Except you didn’t.

Instead you’ve just… done what you always do. Tell everyone how great you are while calling back to things basically a decade old like they mean something today, and giving yourself like 30 nicknames.

I must ask the question:
Why so many?
Did you tell people to call you those nicknames?
Do you have them written down somewhere?

Wait… did you give yourself all those nicknames?

You know that’s not how that works, right? That’s been a rule for a long time. You can’t just give yourself a nickname. Nicknames are given out by your  friends. They’re endearing, they mean something. You earn a nickname. You can’t just make one up. That’s lame.

Though, now that I think about it. You probably had to because you…don’t seem to have many friends.

I get it, it’s the downside of playing so many angles and changing sides so often in life. You have to abandon your friends as quickly as your principles. I feel you on that Kate. There’s just so many other things you can do with your time, so sticking to one thing is really, really hard.

The point is, yeah, you can’t give yourself a nickname.

Anyway, that brings me to where we are now. I wasn’t going to really ever mention you because it’s not really worth my time at this point, but here I was, minding my own business, getting tagged into stupid twitter back and forths and low and behold what happened.

You, Kate Steele… tweeted me!

I mean, my heart was all a flutter for a hot second. Seeing that blue “1” on my screen under notifications made me curious. I was so quick to check it.

And then I saw it was you. And I felt almost flattered.

Because you were singing my praises you were encouraging and it meant so much. You were looking forward to seeing me as the Bombshell’s champion and I would be someone you would respect! Oh my god it was like fucking Christmas around here!

But then I realized something ever cooler.

You were trying to run your game on me! 

Again, at first, very flattered. And then, I was insulted. How dare you try and play this game with me. Not Kath-Lyn, we are not friends. I don’t need anything from you at this point in time outside of the ring. I don’t need to be your friend, because you have zero uses. What do I gain from being your friend, knowing full well who you are, and what you do? You see how that doesn’t really work for me? You clearly have a use for me, you want to suck my life force like you do everyone else’s. I don’t need that right now. And I can’t even suck any from you, seeing as you don’t have any real relevancy to take from.

I mean, neither do I at this point, and I’m sure you’ll try and play it off like now you’re disappointed, but for hot second there, you were trying to cozy up to me in order to use me just in case I won, and you somehow were gifted a Bombshell’s title match. But alas, cannot leech of me.

So, what needs to be done is very clear. Until further notice, when I can use you, I’m afraid you have to be dealt with, Diamond.

After this, you can continue your 58th comeback and do whatever it is you want. I don’t really care. Until you do something interesting, then we have talk, and maybe even be besties for a little while. Who knows. But right now, I just have to take what’s left of your name value that you haven’t tarnished and use it to boost my own standing. I mean, I’m at the back of the line Kate. You can win a couple of matches here and there and someone will inevitably throw you a bone. It happens all the time. This one, I need.

I will do more with it than you ever would.

Trust me.