Losing it all
It was even more awkward now.
The last few months had been, but today as Austin James Mercer walked into Wolfslair a black cloud hung over his head. His heart sank, but it was quickly replaced with a blazing fire of anger and frustration. It was everyone else's fault. Everyone else who was wrong. They made Austin weak. And now, well now he was different. He had watched others get ahead in life and wrestling by playing by their own rules. Now it was his turn.
He watched people like Jack Washington get ahead, he watched Alex get ahead when he was champion by getting into Griffin's head, forcing him to leave the company with his actions.
But now because it was him getting ahead it was a problem
He looked around the gym he had spent so much time at, so much effort into building and making it relevant, and he hated it. He hated seeing all their faces, he hated knowing all these people once looked up to him for being that weakling who followed the rules and respected everyone no matter what kind of scumbags they were. Every step now felt like an insult, it felt like he wasn’t being true to himself and that he was living a lie.
Wolfslair was once his home and now he felt like an outsider. Like he wasn’t welcome. And that added to his anger. His mind went back to a time when he first decided to train there. It was five or six people in a tiny warehouse four blocks from where they were now. The growth it experienced was because of Austin more than anyone else. A world champion, a current star. This gym was just as much his as it was Alexs’. But, now he felt as if he was an alien walking on a foreign world.
People stared at him from afar, when he would look at them suddenly their gaze would leave and they would turn away. As if they couldn’t bear to look at the man Austin had become.
Fuck em
It played through his mind over and over again. Fuck all these people. Fuck their judgemental looks, fuck their feelings and above all fuck their preconcieved notions about who and what Austin James Mercer was. He moved through the gym to the back where he threw his bag down and took off his jacket. The brace on his arm was now gone. In fact Austin had not needed it for the last three weeks. But he had not told anyone about that. Not one soul. The only person who knew was his doctor….and somehow...Alex.
Austin's eyes moved towards the front of the gym as if by instinct, finding Alex talking to his wife Sonya near the office door. He snarled, his hands closing up balling into fists as the blood rushed through his veins. The urge was there, the primal urge to storm across the gym and grab Alex by his scrawny little neck and squeeze until his eyes rolled to the back of his skull and he fell unconscious. Then it happened, a small pain in his stomach trailing up to his heart.
Regret
He and Alex had been so close once. When he felt as if he lost everyone. When his father was thought to be dead, when his sister had run away and the woman he thought was the love of his life had also gone, Alex was there. Alex was family. He looked at him as if he was a brother, or maybe even a father figure. Despite Alex being barely a decade older than him, there was that respect. But now? What was he now?. Austin sighed and looked down and away, his eyes meeting Alicia Lukas, and guilt entered the frame. He swallowed hard, unable to look her in the eye turning away and slamming his hand against the locker door bending the hard steel inward and causing all movement nin the gym to stop.
He could feel the eyes again. Burning a hole in his back.
For a moment all of those emotions swirled together. The regret, sadness and guilt. Had he gone too far? Was he wrong? Now, it was doubt that had crept into his mind. Into his heart. Time slowed down and for a moment Austin wanted to apologise. He wanted to shake Alexs’ hand, he wanted to give Alicia a hug and beg for forgiveness. His shaking hand pushed against the frame of the metal locker as he pulled the dented door backwards revealing a small mirror at the back of it. His eyes met his own, his hands gripped the frame and everything he felt melted away as a single word escaped his lips.
”Weak.”
His teeth ground together as he pushed the door shut and spun around coming face to face with Alicia. It surprised him, and for a moment his eyes widened before returning to their cold gaze of zero emotion or empathy. Alicia looked up, her bright blue eyes staring into his before she looked down at her wrist, the bruises almost faded away. But it wasn’t the physical ones that stayed.
She gave him a small nod, as if understanding the man Austin had become, she turned and moved back to the front of the gym with Alex, she shook her head and went back to training. Alex looked up and his expression changed. It wasn’t one of anger or frustration. It was disappointment. And that was something Austin felt.
He snarled and moved away from everyone else. It was better this way. Better to be alone. That way he wouldn’t hurt others. Or disappoint them.
A message sent.
”Tell me Lincoln. Do you feel safe?”
Austins hands clasped together and he leaned forward, his long hair was down and his eyes seemed, off. Different. Cold. This was not the Austin we had seen prior to his attack on Aron. This was a different man. And this was our first chance to see him.
’My final match before Fenris injured my arm was against you. And for almost three months I have been forced to sit on the sidelines and contemplate my future. But, last time we faced one another Lincoln. What happened? See, back in december I remember what happened. I was ready to face you and as I was preparing to I saw that you had cut a promo on me, and I watched it ready to see what kind of man you were and what kind of mistakes you would make. And honestly. I was disappointed and not impressed.”
“See, my friend, you have not realised what the hierarchy in SCW is. You seem to think the playing field is equal. When it is far, far from it. You and I are not the same Lincoln.”
“You say I look to the past too much and that I’m living there. The truth is that I know my worth. And the only reason you don’t bring up your past is because in SCW, there is nothing. Your debut was the week before you faced me, then when you stepped into the ring with me all full of piss and vineger you spouted off stupid rhetoric and got in the ring only to fail miserably.”
“Maybe one day when you win something, anything, you’ll know what it means to have pride in your accomplishments.”
Austin shakes his head with an arrogant smirk before pushing up to his feet from his sitting position. He moves forward and does up the buttons on his black blazer tucking in his red tie.
”But, since you don’t, do you believe tearing down what I have done was a good idea Lincoln? Do you believe being the kind of arrogant self righteous nobody you are was a good career move? See, you got in the ring with me after insulting me and all you did was earn my contempt and anger me. And as you probably noticed the divide between us doesn’t start and end at what I have accomplished over you.; It’s also there in everything else. I’m bigger than you, stronger than you, faster than you and smarter than you. While you were focusing on my past I was focusing on making sure you knew who the fuck you were dealing with.”
“And now here we are, ready to do it again. Take two right?”
“You have another chance Lincoln. Another chance to maybe do it right this time.” Austin smirks and slowly leans back folding his arms over his chest. ”Maybe, just maybe I can help you be relevant Lincoln. See, last time you and I got in a ring together you actually said I hadn’t been relevant since Senor Vinnie beat me. It[‘s funny, see even if you were right, and I was no longer relevant, you have never been relevant. Ever. So you standing there talking to me like I’m a bug being scraped off your boot sure did bite you right in the ass didn’t it? And now here we are three months later, and your three claims to fame are being my final match before an injury…”
“My first match back…”
“And failing at winning the roulette title.”
“Meanwhile, I have been talked about, talked to and thought about by everyone on this goddamn roster and the wrestling world for simply opening my mouth. Or my “shit hole” as you put it. But, you don’t care about that. Do you Lincoln?. See, you said it before our last match. You don’t care about the fans, you don’t care about what they believe or what happens. All you care about is winning. Right?. Well, for something that means so much to you, you don’t seem to do a lot of it, do you?”
He raises an eyebrow and sighs heavily sliding his hands into his pockets, wearing a tailored suit and that same cold stare on his face.
”Contrary to what you believe about Wolfslair. Do you realise how many people instantly stopped taking you seriously the moment you referred to Wolfslair as a group of “crybabies who can’t win a match to save their own lives”. Two SCW world titles. Three SCW Bombshells world titles, A mixed Tag team title, Two bombshells Roulette titles and an Internet title. Broken records, awards and a path littered with the title hopes and dreams of contenders who couldn’t cut it and you want to sit there and say we can’t win matches when you yourself are nothing but a goddamn loudmouthed failure?”
“It is better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
“Part of me gets it Lincoln. To get ahead in this business we have been taught to say outlandish things. But when you say these things you should be held accountable. And in our first match I did that. I held you accountable for the stupid things you decided to say. And I was prepared to leave it at that, especially when my attention turned to Fenris.”
“But then, after I beat you, I watched your promo as you were prepared to face Bill Barnhart, and I thought maybe you would have learned something. But, instead of you acknowledging your shortcomings and growing from the beating I gave you, all I heard was excuses and self aggrandising bullshit. You talked like you won the match Lincoln. But you didn’t, you lost, you got beat like a bitch. So, here we are and we’re booked one on one again and, well, since you didn’t learn the last time I am going to have to give you another lesson…”
“And this time...send a message...and maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn something.”
