NEXT OPPONENT. . .I MEAN VICTIM. . .PLEASE
Narrator: Climax Control 277 is coming Sunday, August 23, 2020, and Bea Barnhart couldn’t ask for a better match for this event which is facing off against Mercedes Vargas. I turn you over to Bea to let her tell you what is going on.
SOME PEOPLE ARE DAMN STUPID
The scene changes to the Sam’s Town Hotel-Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. We see Bea Barnhart walking around while a cameraman stays focused on her. Bea is dressed in black jeans, white pullover shirt, and white athletic shoes. Since Bill and Iris are not to be seen we assume they remained in their hotel room to allow Bea to get the attention she deserves during this air time. As Bea walks down the hallway toward the Casino she is confronted by someone who is apparently a participant in the Black Lives Matter, or BLM, movement. The person is a White woman and that causes Bea to question her motives. Bea politely moves to the side to pass the person but the person gets directly in front of her, blocking Bea’s way, and starts screaming at her.
BLM Woman: Black Lives Matter!
Bea: All lives matter!
BLM Woman: No! You’re wrong! Only Black lives matter!
Bea: I’m Asian so my life doesn’t matter?
BLM Woman: Now you got it!
Bea: You can’t be serious! You’re White and you are denouncing Whites and telling me my Asian life doesn’t matter? So you are seriously trying to tell me that your life doesn’t matter? Now please get out of my way so I can pass or you’re gonna get it!
Bea moves to the side to walk around the woman. The woman decides to be hostile to Bea and she steps in front of Bea and blocks her way. The next time Bea tries to get around the woman the woman reaches out and grabs onto Bea so Bea reacts by slapping her hands away. The White woman freaks out and calls for someone from Security to stop Bea from kicking her ass. When the Security person comes over the BLM Woman tells Security that Bea assaulted her. The Security person informs the BLM Woman that he saw the entire confrontation and he will testify to Police that she started it and Bea was defending herself from her attacks. When the BLM Woman continues to rant on Bea we can tell Bea wants to verbally, and physically, lay into her and drop her where she stands. Bea speaks to the Security person first.
Bea: Would you kindly tell this moron who I am.
Security Person: This woman is Bea Barnhart. She is one of the Superstar wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling. Had you continued your assault on her I assure you Bea would have ripped you a new asshole and likely had broken a few of your bones. My suggestion to you is to take your nonsense off the property of Sam’s Town and do not bring it back in the building. As for you, Bea, you are free to roam Sam’s Town while I take this so-called woman outside.
The Security person escorts the BLM Woman out of Sam’s Town and informs her not to try to enter again or she will be arrested and brought to jail. The scene returns to Bea in Sam’s Town.
Bea: Some say, like that White BLM Woman, that only Black lives matter. I say all lives matter. I’m an Asian from the Philippines and I don’t appreciate people suggesting that Asian lives don’t matter. Same with my husband Bill as his life matters and he is White. What about Senor Vinnie? I’m sure he’ll tell you Hispanic lives matter. Pete the Cactus will tell you that Cactus lives matter. And our English Bulldog Iris will tell you that Dog lives matter. I’m so glad I’m not a misguided idiot like that woman.
THINK BEFORE YOU ACT
Bea walks the hallways again and when she walks by some windows she notices the pools at the Casino-Resort so she goes out where the pool is located to check it out. She notices there are several diving boards and platforms for people to use to dive into the water at the large pool. Bea turns and looks into the camera.
Bea: My next match, at Climax Control 277, is against Mercedes Vargas. Mercedes, you’re about to find out that you’re truly washed up in the sport of wrestling. You want to blindly dive into this match not knowing what awaits you. I mean, come on Mercedes, you need to think before you act. You don’t get up on a diving board at a pool and dive into the pool and then when you’re in the air and on your way down you realize the pool is empty of water and you’re about to splatter on the bottom of the pool. You look first to ensure the pool has water in it before you dive in. Also you should always make sure there is toilet paper on the dispenser before you sit down on the toilet to take a crap. You don’t wait until you are done to find out you don’t have toilet paper. But, Mercedes, you’re basing your match with me based on your far distant past when you were actually relevant. You’re not the same wrestler you were back then. Yes you have much success in the sport of wrestling but from what I’ve seen lately you are barely as effective as a stopped clock.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
Bea chuckles over that comment then she leaves the pool area and walks down to look inside the Casino. She sees people playing slot machines and other Casino games.
Bea: Many people think they can be successful and win at gambling in Casinos. There’s a reason nearly all Casinos are super rich. Statistics show that 90 percent of people lose money when gambling at a Casino. Want to know what I’ve observed Mercedes? Way back when you were successful in the wrestling ring you were making comments that you never lose. Then when you started losing matches you starting saying that, well, maybe you don’t win all the time but you do manage to win more than half the time. Even recently, with your numerous losses, you’ve been bragging that you never lose when in fact you are losing more lately. Even when I see you losing 50 percent of your matches you try to spin it that you are not losing the majority of your matches. Technically you’re not losing the MAJORITY of your matches but you’re losing nearly HALF your matches. And, Dear Ms Vargas, when you step into the ring with me at Climax Control 277, you’ll lose again. You’re like the gamblers who go into Casinos and lose 90 percent of the time. To put it another way it is like a woman who went most of her life with a firm, perky, and sexy body, and now that she’s getting older her boobs sag down to her waist, her butt is damn near hanging down to her knees, and the age lines make her look like a road map. Sorry to have to be the one to tell you stuff like this but you’re beyond your prime and I’m going to place you into retirement.
Bea chuckles then she walks away from the Casino and heads to a lounge area where she sits down on a couch.
Bea: I’ll wait for my husband Bill to meet me here. Meanwhile I’ll continue to let you know how much you suck Mercedes. I’ll make myself so perfectly clear even the dumbest person watching can easily understand it. This match isn’t just me, who is fairly new to the sport of wrestling, against you who is a veteran of the sport. It doesn’t come down to who has the best moves and holds. I believe nearly all matches start out with both wrestlers fairly even in wrestling abilities. The deciding factor isn’t always a height or weight advantage as we see smaller and lighter wrestler win over larger and heavier wrestler often. Don’t believe me? Go talk with my friend, Senor Vinnie, and ask him if he was defeated for the Internet Championship by a smaller and lighter wrestler. What is really comes down to is motivation. What’s the motivation for our match? It has been suggested the winner of our match will earn a spot in a Number One Challenger Battle Royal that’s coming soon. I want to be in that Battle Royal so when I kick everyone ass and emerge the winner, with the Number One Contendership in my possession, everyone will stop taking me lightly and will finally see me for who and what I am in the sport of wrestling.
Bea gives two thumbs up into the camera.
Bea: Another thing that comes to mind is our ages. While you’re 40 years of age I’m 30 years of age. Those extra 10 years you carry are gonna weigh heavily upon you in our match. Maybe you think you’re a Mercedes but I think you’ve degraded into a Yugo which was one of the worst cars ever placed on the market. Then again maybe calling you a Yugo is the right thing for me to do because when I soundly defeat you then YOU GO into retirement. Ha ha ha!!!
While Bea is laughing at the expense of Mercedes we see Bill Barnhart walk into the room and sit down next to Bea. Bill gives Bea a hug and kiss.
Bill: How is your presentation going? What have you talked about so far?
Bea: I discussed why some people are so damn stupid they don’t even realize they’re stupid.
Bill: I agree with that. And. . .?
Bea: I talked about how people need to think before they act. I told Mercedes she has failed to think before acting which is why she has lost so many matches lately.
Bill: And. . .?
Bea: I talked about odds when it comes to betting at Casinos and ran it into comments how Mercedes has been taking too many risks with her career and that’s why she is losing lately. Of course I just had to bring up the fact that Mercedes is 40 and I’m 30 so with 10 extra years of age dragging her down she’s gonna lose to me. The glory days for Mercedes are over. She’s on a steep slide going down into a deep pit and the slide is greased so she’s sliding quickly. That’s it so far.
Bill: Sounds good to me. I’ll leave you with your remaining air time. I’ll be in the Casino playing slot machines. When you’re done come get me and we’ll get something to eat.
Bill stands up, gives Bea a hug and kiss, then he walks out of the lounge and disappears down the hallway toward the Casino. The camera returns to Bea.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Bea: There’s a term BOTTOM LINE which usually refers to a financial report where the information after the bottom line represents either the profits or losses of a business. Another term for the BOTTOM LINE is the FINAL RESULT. So, Mercedes, sit back and let me enlighten you. In every match I participate in I gain knowledge and experience and I improve. When looking at your recent non-accomplishments I’d say that your Bottom Line is showing a loss and not a gain. If you were a business with your bottom line you’d be filing for Bankruptcy. The saying around the the Sports world, is that you, Mercedes, have “hit a bit of a slump inside the ring.” I guess it depends upon how you and others look at your slump. You probably look at your slump as a BIT OF A SLUMP but to others we look at your slump, which is about the size of the State of Texas, and state BIT OF A SLUMP MY ASS!!! But chill out Mercedes. Just accept what is. Nobody remains relevant in the sport of Wrestling forever. The time eventually comes for every wrestler when they have to face the fact that they got old and cannot compete against younger wrestlers. Please allow me to introduce myself to your geriatric self. I’m the young, viable, relevant wrestler and you’re the old, irrelevant, and non-viable wrestler. Now wasn’t that so damn simple even you could understand it?
Bea waves her hand into the camera in a motion that indicates she is brushing away Mercedes Vargas.
Bea: Mercedes I’m not going to comment that all the wrestlers who defeated you recently were just so damn awesome that they overcame what you claim as your awesomeness. Nah! Some of them that defeated you were not top-notch competitors. How can you explain those losses? The only options you have is that you *bleeped* up and lost the match. . .your opponents got totally lucky. . .or you’ve lost your abilities and you suck. I go with two of those three options in that you totally *bleeped* up and couldn’t perform well in your matches and you suck. As badly as you’ve been performing recently I would say you’re the only adult I know who can stand up in a children’s wading pool and drown while standing in a few inches of water. Oh well I’m tired of rehashing how pathetic you’ve become. The remaining of my talking will be done with my wrestling abilities in our match on Sunday.
Bea informs the cameraman she is done with her comments and he cuts his camera feed which causes the screen to go black for a moment before the Network put up some advertisements.
