June 7, 2020
I didn’t know how to feel in the moments following Into the Void as I sat in the trainer’s room: bruised, hurt, beaten. The loss of the world championship almost certainly didn’t feel good whatsoever. While I wasn’t feeling like I, myself, was in a void, while I wasn’t necessarily experiencing all this heartbreak and devastation, it still stung. My heart was definitely feeling empty. To be at the top for the first time was the greatest feeling in the world… but being dethroned? At this point, it was having this feeling that someone dug into my chest and ripped out my heart because I really didn’t know what to feel. I was letting it soak in… I had my eyes sealed, almost as if I was just burning in whatever pain I really was feeling from losing the title to Evie Jordan.
“Tough break…” I heard the familiar words of my former mentor, Myra Rivers. I opened up my eyes to look at her and she seemed concerned for me. “...I’ve been there. Four times. I know what it’s like to have a world title ripped away from you. It’s… not a good feeling.”
“I don’t need you to tell me that…” I told her. “At least you won…”
“Right now, I’m more concerned about you…” Myra said to my surprise.
“But wasn’t that revenge sweet, Myra?” I asked her. “To get revenge on your old company?”
“You’re trying to talk about my match so you can distract yourself from your own pain, aren’t you?”
My eyes widened some when Myra essentially nailed it.
“When I was your age, I used to do the same thing” Myra explained. “And no… it wasn’t about giving my old stomping grounds a middle finger. I’ve grown past that and maybe it’s about time you do the same.”
I sighed with displeasure which made Myra regret what she said.
“I’m sorry. For a moment there, I forgot that now isn’t the time to be talking about that. I was just saying that you’ve wrestled with such a chip on your shoulder for so long that… you know what… forget it… now is not the time…”
“And you’re not the person…” I heard another familiar voice say behind Myra. I was in for a surprise when she stepped aside and I had a clear view of my father who wasted no time walking up to me.
“Catch up when you can, Andrea… if you want…” Myra told me before she left my father and I alone in the trainer’s room.
“Dad…” I said with some fear within me. That’s when losing the bombshells world championship hit me as I began to feel a knot in my stomach. I didn’t fear losing the title, but what I feared most was my father and how he was going to react to it. Now I was really feeling the gutting emptiness of losing the world title. At this point, I was beginning to experience the horrible, perceived reality of letting my father, and my family, down. Tears had begun to form in my eyes, far more for the fact that I felt I let so many people down than losing the title itself. “I’m so sorry…”
My father didn’t say anything at first, which caught me by surprise. Subconsciously, I was already bracing myself for the harsh words that I’ve grown so familiar with. My inner child was preparing herself for the worst whether it was being yelled at, whether it was being considered a failure, whether it was him labelling me a disgrace to the family, I was cringing, expecting the worst. I had done everything in my power to stop a tear from falling but one still fell anyway… and my father wiped it away for me which shocked me.
“You did better than Giancarlo…” my father said about my great-great grandfather. “...for all the world championships he won down in Mexico, his first reign only lasted 10 days.”
After this, he hugged me… which was completely out of character for him. I returned the hug the best way that I could, considering how bruised and beaten I was. I certainly wasn’t complaining about the way my father was treating me. It did in fact, help ease the pain a little. Our embrace was interrupted and broken up with the trainer coming back with a cooler. I saw him open it up and pull out a bag of ice.
“I’ll take it from here…” my father said to the trainer. The trainer didn’t resist much as he turned and left. My neck was completely swollen after that brutal match that I had with Evie. My father placed the ice pack on my neck, the bitter cold of it causing me to wince some. I winced a little more as I was able to slowly grab the ice pack myself and keep it held to my neck. “Wow… that’s some scratch there… I’m shocked it’s not bleeding…”
My father reached into the cooler and pulled out a dry rag and a bottle of water. He doused the rag with the water and placed it on the scratch I had on my forehead, causing a slight stinging sensation. Inside, I was surprised… but incredibly touched… that in a career moment that would break most wrestlers, a moment that I feared would create such deep scorn and disappointment from my father, instead he was… to make a long story short… being a dad instead of a trainer.
“I thought you’d be disappointed…” I told my father. “I thought I’d let everyone down…”
“Disappointed? No Andi… I’m a proud father…” he said, further surprising me. “It was one of those matches that could’ve gone either way… where one break or one thing going different could’ve changed the outcome of it. I’ve never been more proud to be your father than I am right now.
At this point, even in defeat, I could flash a smile.
The next morning…
I had largely kept to myself as I was in one of the Saxon suites just letting any hurt and heartbreak from the night before just flow through me. I was looking out the window distracted by the Nevada landscape that I was seeing from where I was standing about 8 stories up in the hotel.
“Everything okay?”
I looked down at the floor in partial annoyance at hearing Myra Rivers again but I swallowed my pride and looked at her.
“Yeah…” I told her. “I’m fine. Well… as fine as I can be right now anyway. But I’ll be back…”
Those last four words brought out a smile in Myra.
“That’s what I was hoping to hear, Andrea. You know… I’ve been around a long time… and I’ve seen it happen where someone like you rises up the ladder quickly and either becomes a world champion or comes very close to being one and when that moment of heartbreak happens: when they either lose the championship that they won by a hair or come so close yet so far… it breaks them. I reached that point seven years ago… as you know. Some wrestlers… when they go through that… they’re never the same again. They just lose it and never get back to that level anymore…”
“I’m not ‘some wrestlers’ Myra…” I reminded her. “I remember the story of a former protege of yours that never got to that level and it psychologically destroyed him. I haven’t forgotten Bobbie Dahl and how never getting over the hump has made HER insane. My window isn’t closed. In fact, it just opened. I’m going to fight like hell to win it back. I’ve established myself as one of the best wrestlers in the world now and I can continue to carry that confidence with me. Yeah, last night stings. But I’m not going to let it define me. I’m going to let it build me into a stronger champion because that’s who I am! So many times I’ve gone through heartbreak and devastation just to rise up and be stronger… that’s why I’m the PHOENIX that I am. I’m going to keep processing this, I’m going to keep learning. Mark my words: I’ll be back.”
“Where did you get such a strong resolve, Andrea?” Myra asked me.
“You” I told Myra, to her surprise. “...I wouldn’t have developed the resolve that I have if you didn’t put me through hell in GCW years ago.”
At this point, I walked past Myra, focusing on the journey ahead.
“Where are you going?” she asked me.
“I’m going home for a little bit…” I responded. “...my dad wants to BOND… believe it or not. I’m not complaining… he’s finally becoming the dad I always wanted.”
This fact made me happy as I left the suite to go back to my hotel room. There, I had gathered my things and made the trip out of Las Vegas and back to Sedona not knowing what to expect with this sudden quality time that I had to look forward to… on the way back to Sedona… I had time at a nearly empty gas station to think and reflect
“My father has really changed since I won the world championship. It’s like that night erased any doubt that he ever had about me when it came to being a successful professional wrestler. He’s treated me better. He’s actually treated me like a daughter. Instead of being such a critic and instead of being so stubborn, he’s been a lot more compassionate and understanding. The dad that I knew for practically my entire life would’ve ripped into me for losing the world championship to Evie Jordan and picking apart every single little thing about what I did wrong. He would have broken me down. He would have been the biggest bandwagon wrestling fan this side of the Mississippi River. But instead… he was there for me when I needed him… even if I didn’t realize that I did. Perhaps I’m finally getting that relationship with him I’ve wanted. For the first time, I feel like our relationship is going to extend beyond professional wrestling. Maybe losing the title wasn’t so bad… nor is it as horrible or as devastating as I may have feared it’d be…”
June 12, 2020
“Of all the places you wanted to spend any kind of quality time with me, you had to do it here?”
I was a bit curious and confused as to why my father brought me to his old, long closed and abandoned wrestling academy… the same building that I trained at. As expected, it was practically empty aside from the rusty ring that remained.
“There’s a reason for it, Andrea” my father told me. “When you started here… I was hard on you… I tried to push you out of this business but you stayed strong. I wanted to apologize if there was anything I had ever done to hurt you while I trained you. That being said, let’s talk about it…”
“Talk about what?” I asked him.
“Sunday…” my father reminded me.
“Right…” I said… “feeling a bit sad at first, but keeping my chin up as much as I could. “You step your game up… you do everything right… and it’s still not enough. As you told me back there, it was just one of those matches…”
We both started to walk around the facility while I kept expressing my thoughts about the match with Evie Jordan.
“...there wasn’t much more I could do… if anything… to win that match…”
“Are you sure?” my father asked me. “Because if you really do feel that way, then that’s it right there… that’s why you lost the title.”
My father wrapped an arm around me for a few moments, again displaying some compassion and letting me know that he wasn’t going to run me down and criticize me.
“Did you really do everything right?” he asked me.
“Perhaps not…” I said with a sigh. “Maybe Evie had something that I didn’t that night… who knows. She was better… if only ever so slightly. Is there anything wrong that you noticed, Dad? Did I fall short somewhere?”
“I want to point out that you did everything right… except for two things…” my father said, piquing my curiosity.
“What would those two things be?” I asked him.
“For starters, you got too caught up in the whole ‘fairy tale’ crap. Your focus wasn’t where it needed to be. Were you focused on retaining the championship or were you focused on proving Evie wrong? I’m not even talking about JUST the crap she said to you, I’m talking about… how you handled all the criticism from the roster in general. You know that when you’re on top, you’re going to have a host of critics and haters. It got to you at some point during that reign, Andrea.”
Instead of resisting and trying to tell my father how ‘wrong’ he was, I kept an open mind. I was still confused by where he was going with this, but nonetheless, I knew the right thing to do was be respectful and listen to what he had to say.
“You did everything you could to pick apart ANYTHING that ANYONE ever had to say about you…” he continued. “Instead of focusing on being a champion, you were too caught up in all the vitriol that was headed your way. Kate and Christina… they’re not important. Why are you even giving the time of day? Why are you even entertaining their hatred? You were worrying too much about what other people had to say about you.”
“Oh…” I said as I let those words sink in. This caused me to let out a bit of a sigh knowing that I didn’t have a counter for that. “...yeah… I was. I fell for that. I’ve dealt with criticism and scorn for all of my career… but never at those levels…”
“Get used to it, princess…” my father told me. “...it’s not going to go away just because you lost the title. When you’re one of the best wrestlers on the planet, you need to step up and you need to own that… and that was the second thing that you didn’t get right… you didn’t own it…”
“Why are you telling me all this?” I asked him. “I don’t disagree with you but… you’ve never been… you know… this understanding. I thought you were going to tear me a new one.”
“Because if there’s anything I can do to help you win that title back, I’m going to do it…” my father responded. “...tearing you a new one isn’t going to help you… but being your dad will. You stepped your game up against Evie, that wasn’t the problem. Don’t think that you didn’t. It’s HOW you stepped up. Instead of elevating other parts of your game that could’ve helped you win that match… you elevated the same old parts: you drove yourself with the past, you drove yourself with trying to prove the critics wrong just like you always have… but a champion… Andrea… they evolve… they adapt. They grow into your role. You figured that sticking with the tried and true formula that got you to the world title was going to keep it in your hands, didn’t you?”
“I did…”
“It doesn’t work like that…”
“Yeah, I’m beginning to realize that now” I told him. I wasn’t even close to being offended by the words he was telling me. In fact, I was becoming enlightened by them… emboldened by them. The spirit within me was only growing stronger, largely because my dad was being there for me. “...I thought that by sticking to everything I was doing right, that the good times were going to keep rolling. I rejected the idea of putting myself out there because I didn’t win the world title by putting myself out there and embracing my stardom… but not embracing it… it caused a deficiency in my confidence. I was just happy staying out of the spotlight and staying in the shadows just like I’d always done and allow my wrestling to do the talking…”
“See where you went wrong?” my father asked. “If you had embraced the spotlight, you’d knock out at least HALF of that vitriol that the bombshells division was giving you. You don’t get to stay in the shadows anymore, Andrea. That part of your career is over. It’s not only okay to be candid and to embrace the spotlight and your place in this business… it’s what you HAVE to do.”
“I get that now…” I told my father. “...I’m not going to stay in the shadows anymore. I’m not going to take it all for granted. I’m a superstar now… I’m going to own that from now on. I’m not going to just sit back and allow just my ability to do the talking anymore. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to embrace my place in this business as one of the best wrestlers in the world.
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?”
My father surprised me by pulling me into a sudden embrace, further showcasing his compassion that he had grown for me lately.
“I trained one hell of a champion…” my father reminded me. “But most importantly of all? I raised one hell of a daughter. I regret that I didn’t realize this earlier, but better late than never. You’re the best thing that has happened to this family in such a long time, Andrea. You’re carrying that family torch and you’re going to carry it for as long as you want it. By the time you’re done, I’m confident as hell that you’re going to be remembered as one of the greatest wrestlers of your generation, I really do mean that. That’s the type of career path you’re on right now! You’ve got everything it takes to be the face of any franchise and I want you to realize that… that’s why I’m helping you get through Sunday… by helping you see what you need to work on to tap into your full potential. You never stop growing in this business, Andrea. NEVER forget that!”
“I promise you that I won’t…”
Our embrace ended while my feelings for my father were only growing warmer.
“...I didn’t know you could be THIS good of a dad!” I said with a laugh. “Where has he been all these years?”
“You’ve taught me so much…” my father admitted. “I had to return the favor today.”
“Personally, I want to be around this type of dad more often…” I said. “How about you and I have dinner at my place on Sunday? Just us… and… honestly? The less wrestling talk the better. I finally feel like our relationship has a greater meaning than the sport… and that’s something I’ve always wanted. You have no idea how happy I am that I finally have that.”
“Dinner on Sunday? Sure… I’d love that…” my father said. “You know what the Sunday after that is, right?”
“Father’s day…” I said with a smile.
“We can do something fun in Vegas together…” he told me. “We can figure it out this Sunday over dinner.”
“Yeah… of course….” I said. “Thank you so much, Dad. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get past last Sunday so quick… but thanks to you, I think I finally get it. I have to look forward now. I can’t rely on the chip on my shoulder from my past. I can’t stay stuck in that underdog label. I have to own what I am! I love you!”
“I love you too, princess!” my father told me. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”
We said our goodbyes after that point and for the next 48 hours, I wasn’t stuck on Sin City Wrestling, I wasn’t stuck on the world title. I wasn’t even stuck on professional wrestling as a whole. All I cared about at the moment was the fact that my father had finally come around on me on top of the fact that he taught me a very valuable lesson in regards to my career… a lesson that I am going to keep with me forever.
If there was any doubt about my ability to climb back to the top and overcome all the vitriol and hate that I had endured during my world title run, my father just did me a massive favor by erasing that doubt. Without him, I wouldn’t have gotten through Into the Void so efficiently and with so much courage. I wasn’t hung up on the fact that it took more than 26 years for him to finally become the dad I wanted… I was just elated that it happened. That Sunday? I was feeling like the luckiest daughter in the world.
June 14, 2020
6:57 PM
I had finished getting dressed and prepared for the dinner that I was about to have with my father. It was a bit odd being more dressed up than usual considering I had more of a tomboyish attitude than everything, but I definitely felt great. I walked out of the room and into the kitchen where my friend Clarissa Vega was finishing up some of the last preparations for the dinner to come by placing tin foil over a dessert. She saw me and smiled right away.
“You look great!” she told me.
“Thanks…” I said with a smile. I took a glance at the clock and saw that it was about to be 7 PM. “Oh shit! He’s going to be here any second now!”
“Tell me how it goes, okay?” Clarissa said as we exchanged a quick hug. She left my home and I quickly set up the dinner plates for both of us, placing them down on the table. I sat down at the table, waiting for my father to arrive….
7:30 PM
And waiting…
I was growing concerned, so I sent him a text asking “Where are you?”. I wasn’t too worried. I figured that perhaps he got caught up with an errand or something ranch related. But then the wait continued…
8:15 PM
I was worried now. I attempted to call my father three times to check on him, but no answer.
“He didn’t ditch me, did he?” I said to myself. I sent a text to my mother asking her if she and my father were home.
“I’m coming back from visiting your brother in Flagstaff…” she sent me in a text.
“Dad hasn’t shown up…” I texted back. “He’s not answering my calls or texts.”
“I’ll try to reach him” my mother responded. “If I know anything, I’ll tell you.”
I asked my mother in my next text if he’d ditch me, to which she responded “of course not”.
Yet, I was really worried that he did.
9:12 PM
My worries only grew. I had heard nothing from either of my parents. I had eaten my food at this point and I was a bit sad that it was obvious that this dinner wasn’t happening. I tried to call my father a couple of more times but both times went to voicemail immediately and I realized his phone was dead. I heard another text however, from my mother.
“I’m just getting home” she texted me. “Did he show up?”
“No…” I texted back. “I’ll meet you there. I just want to check up on him to see if he’s okay.”
9:27 PM
I was pulling up to the home of my parents. I was in for a surprise when I saw a fire truck and some police cars parked nearby. I was confused, especially when I saw the front door wide open. I saw my mother on the couch and before I could walk in, she rushed up to me and suddenly just hugged me… almost to the point of strangulation. I was frozen by this… even more so when I heard my mother bawling…
“Andrea…”
“Mom? What’s… what’s happening… why are all these cops here?”
“It’s… it’s…” my mother let me go and I was staring into the face of someone who looked like her entire world was just torn out of her. “...your father… he… I got home and…”
“What? Mom… is he okay?”
“...they took him a few minutes ago… the… the ambulance…”
“MOM!” I said, with my worries really getting to me now. “What is going on?”
“I got home and… he was dead….”
“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!”
Did I just hear that correctly?
“He’s gone… I can’t believe he’s gone…” my mother added.
It was at that moment where my own world, the world that I knew, had gone completely numb…
June 19, 2020
“What do I even say?”
I was still feeling quite numb when the cameras were on me. It had already been five days since my father had died and I still couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t feeling like I was in a void when I lost the championship to Evie Jordan… but with this? Now I was. I didn’t know how to process what had happened. I had to be as brave as I could be to deliver the news that I was about to publicly reveal for the first time.
“How can I pull through this? How can I overcome this? I never imagined that a loss like that would be so devastating… so heartbreaking… and by the way, I’m not talking about Into the Void. I’m talking about something very personal…
My father died on Sunday…
...and I’m still processing that. I have to go back to Sedona on Tuesday for the funeral and… I’m just… what now? How am I even going to wrestle this match that I have to wrestle on Sunday? On FATHER’S DAY of all days too? I know that there are some people on this roster that have either been in this situation before… and I know that there are going to be people that feel as though that I shouldn’t wrestle this match on Sunday. There are going to be some people that think I should grieve and process and all of that. I have every reason NOT to wrestle this Sunday… but I’m going to. Some of you may think that I shouldn’t and that’s a very valid argument to make, but I’m going to show up on Sunday and I am going to fight not only because that’s what I do… but because it’s what my father would have wanted. Yeah… I’ll admit it. Losing the championship stung me. Happy now? Are all of you people on this roster that hate me HAPPY now? I lost the title! Have your FUCKING CELEBRATION now! You got to see me fall! You got to see my reign end! Yeah… ENJOY IT! BASK in my shortcoming! Make light of it all you want! I’m a woman, I can take it! Have your fucking cake and eat it too! You got what you fucking wanted RIGHT? RIGHT?!?!?!?”
Realizing that I was losing myself and getting out of control, I paused, I stopped, I took a deep breath and continued to push on to the best of my ability.
“Sorry… as you can guess… I’m pretty volatile right now. Let me break down what’s going to happen, okay? I’m NOT going to let Into the Void bring me down! Mark my words, I WILL be back… but this match for me on Sunday… it goes beyond winning back the championship. Hell, while I know what the stipulation is, while I know who my opponents are, while I know what the stakes are, it goes beyond ALL of that! Alicia Lukas and I are going to walk into the main event of this match and we’re going to walk out winners because that’s what we fucking do and for me anyway… this is for my father… this is for the man that taught me everything that I’ve ever needed to know in this business and it’s damn evident that he taught me well because I never would have been a world champion without him to begin with. I’m not the type of wrestler that loses a championship and becomes devastated about it. I’m not the type of wrestler that lets ONE loss break them and shatter them to the point that they NEVER get to that level again.
That’s not who I am…
I’m going to keep my head up in the best way that I can to win this match for my father and show the world that our family is as strong as they can be!
I’m going to prove that I’m a champion even without a world championship! You understand that, don’t you Roxi? I know you do! You may have had your faults and your slips here and there throughout your career, but I’ll always see you as a class act that does right by this business. As for you Christina… you know how I feel about you… you wouldn’t understand because you’ve always been the type of wrestler that NEEDS a championship to be a champion. The circumstances are ones in which I’d NEVER want them to be, but I’m going to begin my quick rise back to the top with this match. As far as partners go, I couldn’t have asked for a better one than Alicia Lukas. “Dream team” was the label she gave us and I completely see it! For all the disagreements we’ve had, for all the harsh words we’ve exchanged in the past, we’re more alike than what meets the eye in terms ot attitude, in terms of success and in terms of where we stand in this division. For the next decade, we’re going to be at the forefront of this division. We’re not just the newer girls on the block, we’re THE girls of the block and for all of our differences, I KNOW that we can be a solid, strong team for one night.
But you two?
Not a chance.
As I learned at Into the Void, talent isn’t everything. Pedigree isn’t everything. You two may have all that… but as I proved back in April when I won the title in the first place… it’s beatable… and I KNOW it’s beatable in this instance because while Alicia and I can co-exist… you two?
How?
I heard the words you two exchanged toward each other prior to Blaze of Glory. The hate and the heat between you is so strong it makes Arizona look like Alaska. Over the last few months, whatever relationship you both had with each other has deteriorated! This friendship began to deteriorate back in December… when Roxi won it in the first place. It began to get worse months later when Christina took the championship from Roxi and I know for a fact that it got even worse at Into the Void. You KNOW you can’t trust her Roxi! I heard what you had to say going into that Queen of the Day match. You’ve finally realized what you should’ve realized a long time ago… that Christina Rose goes whichever way the wind blows… that you can’t trust her… that you can’t be friends with her and I WANT to be happy for you that you realize that… but at the same time I want to be SO ANGRY with you not just because it took you HOW LONG to realize that… but because you had ALL the power in the world to prevent her from winning that Queen of the Day match knowing damn well what someone like her would do with that power… and yet… you STILL failed this division when she WON that match! Of ALL the people in that match… SHE had to win it? GOD, what is WRONG WITH YOU, Roxi? It’s like her beating you for the title has suddenly caused you to lose some confidence in yourself! It’s not just the Queen of the Day match, you couldn’t even beat Kate Steele for the Internet Championship.
Is the clock finally ticking, Roxi?
I sure as hell hope not!
More mind boggling than your recent struggles is the fact that you STILL want to be Christina’s friend even after all of this… even after you’ve lost the faith in her… even after you’ve seen through her shit! You wanted to STILL help her by beating her at Into the Void. You STILL wanted to be her friend by beating her and helping her turn the corner. I don’t know if I want to commend you for that or if I want to beat the hell out o… oh FUCK IT… I DO want to beat the hell out of you for that. I hate to say it Roxi, but as far as this opportunity is concerned, you may be the one that’s the least deserving of us four and as a former fan, it really hurts me to say that but you’ve fallen off quickly since losing that title to Christina. It’s like… for SOME reason Roxi… Christina is your kryptonite lately. It’s like… for one reason or another, you’ve really become Christina’s bitch since all she seems to do lately is beat you. I’ve beaten her as many times as I have because I didn’t make the mistake that you’ve made for years of trying to be her friend. I learned QUICK that she’s a facade… I learned about this facade in one hundredth of the time it took you to figure it out. I’ve been Christina’s kryptonite because I wasn’t stuck on friendship or trying to help her…. Not like you…
I’ve walked the walk against her… but all you’ve done lately when it comes to Christina is just talk… you can’t take action and it’s pathetic… you’re CLEARLY better than her but you let her live rent free in your head. Ugh… maybe the clock really IS ticking for you. Maybe you are taking things for granted nowadays because ever since you’ve won the championship, I’ve seen some increasing complacency in you. After EVERYTHING you’ve said about Christina… how could you ever justify being her friend? How can you even justify teaming with her? You can’t…
I know that this wasn’t your choice… but after everything you’ve said about her, she has every reason to stab you in the back and I wouldn’t be shocked if she did so on Sunday just to get even with you for all of the harsh… albeit true… words that you’ve said about her.
Speaking of the devil though….
I took a pause… giving myself at least some time to breathe because I knew that the moment I really dived into Christina Rose, I was going to be VERY heated… especially in light of my father’s death and knowing that my father was never a fan of hers.
“You were the last woman I wanted to win that match… that Queen of the Day… it’s sickening to see you be so braggadocious about your victory… but hey, that’s you, right? What happened to feeling sorry for yourself, realizing that you’re a fuck up and wanting to go through your ten millionth story of redemption, huh? What happened to saying “OH I’M GOING TO CHANGE” after I turned you away and put you in your god damn place for the third time in my title defense against you? Oh right… it all went out the window when you won that match, right? Figures. Christina Rose. Going whichever way the wind blows. No wonder my father never liked you…”
Mentioning my father caused me to pause again and caused me to feel a moment of grief and devastation over his death. It helped me calm down, but I could feel how hard it was to push through and keep my words going.
“...that’s… what separates me from you: you’re a fame hungry bitch and you always will be. I fight for the respect, the honor and dignity of this business and every person along the way that has ever helped me get to where I am. Oh… you booked Evie Jordan in the opener… REALLY? Because THAT is showing SO much respect for the championship, RIGHT Christina? You couldn’t beat me, so you take it out on the woman that did and start her championship reign off with a fucking joke! I was hoping I’d never say this… but I’ve reached the point where you just outright make me sick! I mean… seriously… is ANYONE shocked that you booked this type of match for yourself? Show of hands? ANYONE shocked? I’m not… I saw this coming a mile away. The only surprise is that you didn’t just book yourself against Evie outright… because you wanted to ‘earn’ the shot, right? Seems noble… but I see right through your shit! You want to earn the shot by beating Alicia Lukas… all because of the MEAN THINGS she’s said about you, right? You want to shut her up SO BAD because her words eat at you so you HAVE to book her in a match with you so you can get yours and so you can fulfill your insatiable EGO that is NEVER fucking satisfied with ANYTHING because OH MY GOD, the WHOLE WORLD HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND YOU, DOESN’T IT?!?!?!?
EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN HAS TO BE ABOUT YOU!!!!!
And it PISSES ME OFF because my family… every single person in my family that has EVER been a part of this business always SWORE to silence and shut down fame hungry, title greedy, two-faced, egocentric, self-loathing CUNTS like YOU that are just using this business as a damn STEPPING STONE just to be famous… perverting this business and EVERYTHING it’s supposed to be about. My father… more than ANYTHING… HATED wrestlers like you and the shallow fucking BULLSHIT that you stand for! YOU felt the need to put yourself in the ring against Alicia just to redeem yourself and your PRECIOUS “LEGACY”... as a fucking stepping stone to get something YOU want… but something you DON’T deserve! You want to treat Alicia, a proven champion, more proven of a champion than you’ll EVER BE, as a stepping stone for your sick, twisted, pathetic neurosis that you have for the spotlight?
Fuck you!
You have no respect for her.
You have no respect for me.
You have no respect for this company, this division or this business and the garbage you booked for this Sunday PROVES that!
I haven’t even GOTTEN to you and I… until now…
YOU had to face ME, right? It’s all about FINALLY BEATING ME, isn’t it? It’s all about this neurotic obsession you’ve had with me since the day we clashed for the first time and I beat you to move up the ladder in this company! YOU have to get through ME to validate yourself… who’s the pathetic one there, Christina? YOU have to get through ME to get to the world title because OTHERWISE it’s meaningless to you! The words you had to say about me before I shut you down for the third time validated every ounce of skepticism I ever had of you...
Think I’ve forgotten?
Think I forgot how you referred to me as a “meal ticket”? You’re sure as hell using Alicia and I as meal tickets this week. I’m NOT your fucking meal ticket, BITCH! You said it yourself, Christy… the fact that I got the attention YOU want sickened you… and still does. YOU have to have the attention… I don’t! Think I’m bullshitting with this “meal ticket” crap? Listen to your words from two months ago… listen to yourself admit that Alicia coming back made you feel like the brunt of every joke…
Hey Christina…
Have you ever thought for ONE second that if you were EVER REAL FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE… that MAYBE… just MAYBE… Alicia wouldn’t spend so much time ribbing you?
But I’M the fraud, right?
The woman who admitted that she hates someone like me getting the attention and who admitted that I was a meal ticket for her road back to the title and who feels like a piece of shit and HAS to beat Alicia and I is calling other people frauds. You even dug at my personal life and called my former fandom of Roxi “creepy and obsessive”. I was a KID, you IDIOT! This whole obsession with me… you’re not a kid… you’re a grown woman… or at least you’re supposed to be… yet there you are making a mockery of the world championship… of the match that Evie and I had… of everything Evie and I did at Into the Void to make that title mean something… by booking her in such a trash match… and to add INSULT to INSULT… an OPENING match!
You’re wrestling me again at a REALLY bad time Christina…
I’m not in the MOOD for your fucking shit!
Alicia and I are going to win… and I’m going to once again prove why I’m a step above you and why I’m the kryptonite that is always going to live rent free in your head! I’m going to FINALLY own what I am in this business… no more milking the underdog story… no more seeing things from the underdog perspective… no more treating every single match I wrestle as me against the world… no more hiding in the shadows… no more of that… I’ve proven here in Sin City Wrestling that I’m one of the greatest women’s wrestlers in the world and it’s about time I started to act like it… it wasn’t just losing the title to Evie that made me realize it Christina…
It’s what my father wanted…
Sorry Christy… this isn’t about beating you. This isn’t about the title shot. I’m not giving you that type of power or relevance
This is about my dad…
And on Father’s Day, I’m going to make him proud… not just standing up for the honor, respect and dignity that he instilled into me when he trained me… but by being the star in this business that I know I am…
My father’s final wish was for me to embrace the spotlight and to stop playing the underdog…
On Sunday, I’m fulfilling that wish…
I paused one more time… letting my anger out.
“Thanks dad… for everything you’ve ever done for me... “
At this point, I just don’t say another word. With my anger gone, grief begins to set in… and from here, I just sit cold, numb and alone…
Sunday is going to be emotional… perhaps more emotional than any match I’ve ever fought...
