“I realize that I live on the bubble of insanity. I feel the weight of human suffering, loneliness and despair on me all the time. It's not getting easier; if anything, it's always right on the edge of my skin.”
-Erwin McManus
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20 May 2018
On The Move
OFF-Camera
Descent
The last day had not gone the way that he wanted it do, or planned. In all honesty, he was not really sure how it had spun so out of control so quickly. One second it felt like everything was running smoothly, the next things had started to go wrong. Court snapping on him was not something that he had seen coming. His father being right there to rub it in his face was not something that he needed. Both of those interactions left him in a more fragile place than he had been in months. For some reason it had eaten away at whatever scab had formed over Kris’ emotional wounds.
The fight with Mikah had sent him over the edge. It was where it all started coming together, in the worst possible way. Crimson was busy constructing away at something that was going to end Kris’ career. His friends had abandoned him. The new people at his side had shunned him. It was all started to come true. Maybe he was cursed after all. Maybe since he was fighting so hard against it, the slow burn had only made it take longer. The end could be coming. It could be as near as Sunday. There was no stopping it from coming now.
Kris did what he always did in these situations. From the moment that he disappeared from Mikah’s door, everything device he had got turned off. If Holden had tracked him to Chicago, if Crimson was keeping tabs on him, he was not going to make it easy for them. He packed up his things, and did not even think of taking Jet City Airways to his destination.
Instead, with his bags packed and ready to go to Las Vegas, he got on a plane going the opposite direction, and paid in cash to buy himself as much of a headstart as he could get. The last place that anyone would look for him would be New York City. The only place worse, in Kris’ mind, was Detroit, but he would never go there.
Yet, it was fitting. Before last year’s Into The Void he had made a similar trip. Granted, the show was taking place in New York which made it a little bit easier for him to swing. This was going to be out of the way, but if it kept him from losing his mind, it was easily the right thing to do. After all, it was not like he was going to be sleeping outside in the storage space. Those days were long gone. The alley that the unit opened out in was no longer available to the public due to their own incompetence. The owner had blamed Kris for what happened to the space, and to shut him up he had bought it. It was a retreat, and it was finally coming in handy.
When Kris pushed the door to the small upstairs apartment open, he was pleasantly surprised with what his people had been able to do with the space. The storefront below was completely empty, and everything was covered in plastic. The windows showed a “FOR LEASE” sign, but anyone that had ever inquired about it got the same blow off. He liked it exactly how it was. He wasn’t going to give it over to someone else.
Kris tossed his bag into a chair in the corner of the room and made his way over to the bed. Instead of laying down, he jumped into the air and falls onto the bed on his back, bouncing up into the air a few inches before settling into the middle. The thought of this place would scare the other members of his family if they knew he had bought it. The things that he used to do downstairs in that storage space no longer haunted him, but not everyone believed that.
The only plan that Kris ever had for the place was silence. He needed it, and at least in that way, coming here was not a mistake. Tonight it would function as a place for him to clear his head, and that was as far ahead as he was thinking. If anyone found him and thought the worst, so be it. Maybe something like that would save him from whatever fate was awaiting him at Into The Void.
He settled into the bed and pulled out his phone intended to send a single message to let everyone know that he was fine. The phone screen never managed to switch on though. As it pulled it from his pocket, he laid it on his chest. Just a few minutes, he thought to himself. Then he would get up and start to sort through all of the mess that he had created. From all of the flying, and all of the hostility, he just needed a few minutes to shut his eyes.
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“To attempt the destruction of our passions is the height of folly. What a noble aim is that of the zealot who tortures himself like a madman in order to desire nothing, love nothing, feel nothing, and who, if he succeeded, would end up a complete monster!”
-Denis Diderot
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20 May 2018
Edge Of Nowhere, Everywhere
OFF-Camera
Madness in Dreamscapes
I could feel the tightness in my chest. It was always the same, no matter what. Whether it was my first match, or my last. Whether it was against the best of the best, or someone yawn inducing. That same tightness was there. The anxiety of standing on the back side of that curtain is like nothing else in the world. You can hear every voice on the other side constantly trying to talk over everyone else. All of the applause, the boos, the stomping and jumping around echoes through this small hallway. Over the years I have learned to convince myself that I am anywhere but here while I prep for the match. Once I get here though, there is no more denying it. The worst part is, this is the part that I always have to do alone.
Maddie Wilson: “You already beat him once, didn’t you? ”
The voice got my attention immediately. My head jerks in her direction, and there she is, sitting on top of a crate. The pink shorts and matching boots gave her away before my eyes ever got to hers. She looked the exact same as she did when she graduated out of Jet City. The smile on her face was a fresh change from the resting bitch vibe she had given off lately. She was right too. I have stood right here in this spot before. I have walked out and beaten the man that was already out there. Yet, here I was. Afraid to hear the music start.
Jason Halich: “Well? You need a hand with him?”
Each individual nerve ending up my spine fired at the same time, triggering a cold chill that I couldn’t make any attempt to hide. When I turned to him, he was laughing, with a hand out. He knew that those days were a thing of the past. I didn’t even think that he was going to be coming to the show. Truth be told, we haven’t really been on speaking terms for the longest times. The public gets a show. Not even family members know. He taught me to be the best actor in the room. Forcing my face to stay blank as I shook my head was easy. I turned back to Maddie, but she wasn’t there.
Liz Smalls: “He doesn’t need anyone’s help. You gots this, right cutie?”
Both the crate and Maddie were gone. In their place was someone I never thought I would see in these halls again. Everything about her was pink, and as usual, her attention was more on her nails than on our conversation. She takes just a second to look up and shoot me a reassuring wink, probably just to piss Jason off. I couldn’t wait to see the look on his face, and already had my hand raised to add a point to my laugh, but it got smacked away.
Violet Ripley: “He doesn’t need anyone’s coddling. Just let him go already.”
She worked her way in a circle around me, having taken offense to my near poking her in the face. Both of her hands come up, with her index fingers extended up. She lunges at me, attempting to return my near poking her in the face. The fake fight quickly breaks down into a light-hearted battle of hands slapping against one another. Heather might have been the best thing to happen to me, but Violet was the sister that life robbed me of. She knew it too. We were alike, or at least in her opinion. I always thought she was way stronger than I was ever going to be.
Amanda Stephens: “Go take care of business, we got this back here...”
The voice of reason. I didn’t even have to look back over my shoulder at her. Violet backs away with her hands held up innocently so that I can turn without having to worry about her jumping at me. Amanda had a big smile on her face, as she did most of the time. Suddenly the space is bigger. When I turn it is not just some small hallway leading to a curtain, but an open room full of kids running around. My eyes find KJ first. I guess that they are just trained that way. I try to say something to him, but it is no use. I hear the crowd come to life. The familiar opening of the newest song I had forced the company to pay for. A hand tightened around mine, pulling me back towards the curtain. Before I even saw her long blonde hair, I knew it who it was on touch alone.
Clarissa Ashford: “Come on… let’s do this!”
She was the first one to ever manage me in the company, and the first person I ever really trusted. It was only fitting that she was the one to drag me through the curtain for the biggest match that I have ever competed in. She was fearless like I always wanted to be. The crowds never bothered her. New opportunities never scared her. She was always willing to run head on into anything, and drag me right along with her. Standing in the middle of the stage next to her was a relief that I didn’t know that I needed. I could breathe again. I want to tell her how grateful I am for what she has done, but she could not hear me over the roar of the crowd. They were deafening.
Kirsten Reynolds:: “Holy shit that is a lot of people….”
I couldn’t help but to be startled. By the time my eyes found her on my left, she was pushing the black rimmed glasses up to her eyes from where they had started to slide. She wasn’t wrong though. I looked out to the crowd for the first time, only it was not the Gold Coast Casino. It wasn’t any arena I had ever been in. I have performed in front of hundreds, and I have performed in front of thousands. The dozen or so tiers of seating moving upward and outward were packed with what had to be hundreds of thousands of fans, and they were all still screaming in excitement.
Jules Halich: “Just think about how many more are watching at home….”
Clarissa’s grip on my hand was gone, and was replaced by a light nudge in the ribs. In her place was the woman that had finally managed to tie Jason down. The last time that I saw her was when she was just starting to show from the pregnancy. From all appearances, she had already had the baby. She didn’t look bad either, already wearing her headset, and carrying her clipboard. Directing a show wasn’t easy. She had millions around the world to keep entertained, all I had to do was keep the people in the building to keep interested. Only the thing was, she did not work for Sin City. That was PRIDE, and there was no more PRIDE. How was she here? Why?
Lexa Ryans: “Hey, you with the face. Don’t forget that they’re all here to see you, okay?”
It was the sister that I never knew that I had. Her popping up at all was a surprise. It hadn’t taken long for us to start to find things that we had in common, even though we were separated for our entire lives. She was behind me, and it was vaguely reassuring to hear her voice. More importantly, something that I had somehow forgotten was in her hand. She reached around me, the SCW Heavyweight Championship catching my eyes as the light from the spotlights overhead hit the plates. I reached for it, but there was already another hand on it. My eyes traced up the arm of the person holding it, and I found a warm smile on her face before she even said a word.
Kali Fox: “We all are.”
She traded my the championship for my hand, and we started down the long ramp to the ring. For the first time, I looked down at the ring, but not at the man already standing in it. From this distance, he was just a red blur on a white canvas. However, around him was something unlike anything I had ever seen. There were no words to describe it at first. The bright red bars of the structure somehow seemed alive, like it was breathing, and waiting on me. Just as I felt the tightness start to return to my chest, I was jabbed in the stomach with something solid. My hand managed to grab the object before it could pull away. It was a hand, but covered with a cast, and Kali was no longer at my side.
Abby Watkins: “You can’t let him get under your skin. Remember how that ends?”
Guilt rushed over me, but we didn’t stop moving towards whatever hell awaited me at the bottom of the ramp. Parker’s sister’s eyes were on me, begging me to understand. She tried to flex her fingers in the cast, and it all snapped together. Her hand wasn’t still broken. This was years ago. She was cocky, and entitled. I wanted to see how far I could push her. It didn’t take longer for her to throw a punch in anger. When I ducked it broke her hand. It basically ended her career. If I let Crimson do that to me, I was going to end up just like her. I try to stop walking down towards the ring, but I find myself back to back with someone refusing to let me backpedal. I lean back against them, and she leans her head back on my shoulder before talking directly into my ear.
Chelsea Quik: “You can’t be afraid of what is going to happen in there. It’s gonna get messy. You might even get hurt again. Don’t let that paralyze you though.”
Nobody knew what it was like to be injured during an SCW event like Chelsea had. I remember how hard it was for her to fight back. It took almost relentlessly pushing her on a day-to-day basis in Jet City to get her to shake that fear and give it another shot. I watched her push through that mental block though. She signed with Liberty. We were going to do great things before things went to hell. I didn’t want to backpedal anymore, and I took a step forward. Sure, things had gotten pretty rough, but the source of all of that hurt was standing in the middle of the ring in front of me.
Kurtis Gordon: “How scary can he really be? You’ve have already lived through your darkest possible day, remember? It can’t be worse than that.”
He was on the corner as I got to the bottom of the ramp, and was tossing popcorn into his mouth. I hated how smug he was, even now, but was glad that Kali was not with me. She would have snapped and taken him out. Mainly because he had a point. There was nothing that Crimson could do inside this hellish contraption that could compare to having my life ripped apart last year. Kurtis had set all of it in motion. It was only slightly satisfying knowing that he was stuck in the crowd watching me about to do things he could only dream of. He tried to ruin my life. I got the dream, and the girl. The structure in front of me seemed to buzz with some kind of life of it’s own, but the person holding the door was another familiar face. He nodded in Crimson’s direction wearing the smirk that he had stolen from me.
Kyle Kavanagh: “...and it can’t be worse than the one that you have to keep inside.”
Another shiver ran up my spine. The one time that we had spoken before was when he told me to keep that part of me locked up. It was not what anyone needed anymore, least of all me. I didn’t have to be the same person that Crimson was in order to beat him. The person that tried and that failed twice. I tried to match his hate in the Roulette Championship match and he turned it against me. The second match played right into his hand, and he embarrassed me. Everything had fallen apart when I tried to be that person. I was different now. I was better. I needed to be better.
The stairs leading up to the ring were not attached to the corner, but instead were as wide as an entire side of the ring. I climbed them, seeing his eyes on me from the ring. Sitting on the middle rope, with a cold half-smirk was one of the few people I have ever met that made me feel stupid. He was so good at weighing out ever option that the confidence it gave him was contagious. It was why I joined the Black Sheep. It was why I trusted him.
Porter Sweete: “Don’t tip your hand too early, kid. He’s good enough to see through you if you let him.”
Always the long game. That was Porter’s philosophy. If you tried to get to the end too fast, you were going to lose yourself along the way. Each step in the plan was equally important. Everything had to fall into place perfectly, or was all going to go sideways. He held up the top rope with his shoulder, and gave me a pat on the back as I stepped through the ropes.
What I wasn’t expecting to hear once I was inside was the chime of the bell. The music flooding the PA was gone. I shot a look back over my shoulder, but there was no entrance ramp, or cage door to be seen, let alone any of the people that had been with me. The crowd had closed around the ring. The floor space outside the cell had disappeared, with the fans in the front row able to reach out and grab the bars of the structure. My eyes followed the steel upwards to see that it was not some regular cage, but a dome. It pulsed around me, and stole my attention away from the man sharing the space with me. He didn’t hesitate to blindside me with a right hand that forced me back against the ropes. I tried to hook my arm around the rope to draw a break and some separation, but no referee stepped in to help. He easily pulled me away from the ropes with strength that I did not know that he had. Panicked, I tried to rake at his eyes, but it didn’t bother him. I caught a swift kick below the belt that doubled me forward. When I reached out to hook my hands around his neck and bring him down with my desperation jawbreaker, he kicked me in the chest, and put me on the mat as the crowd laughed.
Killian Sweete: “This isn’t the minor leagues anymore. This is the main event. The same old tricks aren’t going to work. He’s been ready for you for a long time.”
The words came alongside two hard slaps on the apron. The more friendly of the two Sweete twins struck a more serious tone than normal, but he was always weary of the planners. I think that is why he clashed so much with his brother. Porter’s meticulous planning always rubbed up against Killian’s desire to go with the flow. The problem was, both of them were only half right. That is why they worked as a tag team for so long. There is no substitute for having a game plan, and Porter’s was usually good enough to see us through. When push came to shove though, Killian’s adaptability could get us out of any jam.
Without even looking to him, I knew that Crimson was coming. He was not going to quit. If I was on the mat, there was blood in the water. He wasn’t going to let me up. Taking Killian’s words to heart, I had to do something out of character. I waited for the sound of his steps to stop, and then rolled backwards. The spot the challenger splashed on the canvas missed me by only inches, but now my feet were under me.
Phillip Ripley: “Remember not to let him touch you...”
Of course he would give that advice. Phillip at ringside was a laughable sight. He was too afraid of germs to even touch the mat, and the steel of the dome seemed to bother him like nothing else I had ever seen. He had a point though. Crimson would have a counter ready if I threw a punch. He was angry. He was going to keep coming. All I had to do was not let him touch me.
I let him throw the first punch, and leaned away from it easily. He tried to throw a left hand to keep the advantage, but that one was easily deflected away. I knew he was going to go low, because as much as I wanted to deny it, we were alike. Inside this ring we operated under the same rules. We had the same style. Preparing for this was as easy as knowing what I would do in any situation. He raised his left foot from the mat, but I brought a fist down hard on his knee, forcing it back down. He threw an elbow, thinking my focus was going to be lower, but the only thing he caught was the palm of my hand and a shove away from me.
The anger on his face was growing by the second, and I knew it was bound to bubble over. My eyes were pulled just past him though, to a smaller man sitting on the top turnbuckle. He tapped his chin twice, and then shook his head.
Coby Quik:: “If you’re not bigger, and you’re not taller, be faster. That’s rule number one, old timer. Get it together.”
The kid had come full circle in the short time I had known him. It wasn’t just in his relationship with Chelsea, or his success in the ring. He knew more about staging a comeback than I would ever know. It made him the best trainer that I could have asked for back before I became the champion. I had no strength in my arm. I’m close to the smallest on the roster. For once I was in the same boat that Coby had been in for his entire life. I used his advice back then and became a champion. I followed it this time and ducked easily under a clothesline attempt that would have probably taken my head off. I flashed the speed that only Coby was capable of getting out of me, and whipped around before Crimson could regain his footing.
Parker Wayde: “A fist collapses on itself… a forearm is like getting hit with a brick.”
He was leaning on the ropes, shaking his head as my fist closed in on the challenger’s temple. It was the first lesson Parker ever taught me. It changed my approach then, and the one strike that got me on more posters than anything else in my arsenal was born. It was almost too natural to twist my hips as I pulled my fist back towards my chest. My elbow scraped against the cheekbone of my attacker, and it sent him off balance. He did not drop to the mat, and if anything I had only worked to frustrate him. He screamed at me, but the words of my own protege rang through my head, blocking out whatever hostility was hurled my way.
Aaron Isaacs: “Actions over words.”
I repeated the words under my breath, and paused for just a second, allowing the challenger a second to inch that much closer to the edge. I could see the hate becoming overwhelming. Each time I succeeded, it was just making him stronger. Every time I was falling short he was just becoming more determined. As soon as it snapped together, a sarcastic voice that I wouldn’t have expected to hear pulled both of our attention away from our fight.
Zaylee Flynn: “Maybe you should be asking what’s so special about you, fuckhead...”
The noncommittal shrug was indicative of any interaction I have seen Zay have with anyone. Something about it though took his focus off of me. He sprinted towards the ring, but before he could reach out for Zay, she dropped down from the apron. With his eyes off of me, I took off after him, and kicked his legs out from under him. As I got to my feet I looked down to the floor, only to find that Zaylee was nowhere to be seen. Instead, an even younger female was leaning over the top rope, looking down into his face as he started to snap.
Keisha Quickens: “I don’t see what his problem is anyways. This is all that you’ve ever wanted. Why aren’t you allowed to have it? Who made him the one that gets to pick who gets to be at the top anyways? Can we get a recount on those votes?
He got up, but only to take a swipe at Keisha. The youngest member of of the Quik family held her own though, leaning down to her left side and putting her hand on the apron. She balanced on it and brought her foot around to catch him across the cheek in the same place that my elbow had. With a giggle she dropped off of the mat before he could get his hands on her. Fortunately for Keisha he couldn’t pursue her.
PJ Cooper: “What are you waiting for?!
It was not just the more flamboyant half of Awkward Inc standing at my side, but both of them. They were the only two high flyers out of Jet City, and that made them my responsibility. Neither of them had any kind of real training. Instead, they were wrecking balls. I knew that there was only one thing that they were ever going to tell me to do. The same thing that I had screamed at them dozens of times.
JD Wright: “Get into the air already!”
I ran to the ropes, and stepped up onto them instead of rebounding off of them for speed. When I catapulted myself back in his direction, I was expecting to have the advantage. I had planned for this spot. This was going to be it. It had to be it. I lowered my arm, trying to strike the same place a third time, but he had me scouted. The only thing that I caught on the way down was a hard kick to my ribs, and I was barely able to stay on my feet. The spinning back kick that followed the first cracked ribs down my right side, and took me down to my knees. I could feel every bit of the confidence that I had built start to fade. I looked around for someone to help, but there was nobody to be found. I did not have long to worry though, because a well placed kick to the side of my head put me face down on the mat, seeing stars. It took a couple of moments for my eyes to refocus, and stomps coming down on each of my limbs did not make it any easier.
I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him in his enraged moment of glory. Nothing was going to be enough. Nobody was going to be able to help, not really. After a half dozen of the strikes, I could feel my body starting to stop responding so intensely to each. I was started to shut down. If nobody stepped in, all it was going to take was one good shot, and the lights were going to be turned out. Before it could come, a figure shrouded in a black hood spoke up from the floor outside the ring.
Nobody: “We still want to be somebodies. It’s only over when we say it is.”
I couldn’t see their face, but I knew exactly who they were. It was a rule. Get what we want, by any means necessary. Even though the group was long dead, that ideology stuck with me. I was a nobody. I wanted to be a somebody. If anyone was going to stop me, they were going to have to kill me. If I wanted something, I was taking it and stamping my name on it. I wanted to be the measuring stick, and measuring sticks do not get beaten unconscious in front of the entire world.
I timed it as perfect as I could, and summoned all of my strength to catch his foot, and keep hold of his ankle all the way through a hard kick to my chest. Luckily, all of the tightness from the anxiety was long gone. Unfortunately, any ribs that were only possibly cracked were definitely cracked now. I held on for my life, and the ferociousness of which he pulled back from me was enough to drag me to my feet. It would have given me the immediate advantage, if it weren’t for being blinded by the white light of whoever was perched on the top rope.
PURE: They’re right, you know…. You remember who you are, right?”
I let go of my grip as the confusion set in. It was the worst time to have some kind of existential crisis, and allowed the tables to turn. Being on the receiving end of the kind of forearm strike that I am used to hitting others with was brain-rattling as well. Before I knew it, I was back on defense, and I couldn’t understand why. As I stumbled back, I was confronted with a masked man I had never seen before. His head cocked slightly to the side, and his shook his head. The expressionless face of the mask couldn’t hide the disappointment in his stance.
Discord: “I don’t think he does, but he sure could use one…”
>Again, the voice was familiar. It was not until I saw the last of them that I understood. As I struggled to find balance, I backed into a man tangled up in the ropes. As soon as I registered the red of the hoodie he was clad in, the pieces of the puzzle were starting to come together. His face was as plain as day, despite being inverted in front of me. It was like looking in a mirror.
Accident: “He’ll find it. He always does….eventually.”
He nodded towards my challenger as he charged in at me. Instead of raising my hands, or trying to get up, I waited for him to get within a step, and turned quickly. I extended both of my legs out, picking his ankles between my shoes, and rolling his ankle to trip him. He fell hard, hitting his face against the middle turnbuckle before his knees found the mat. The crowd intensifies around me, and I could feel it too. I rolled back, but then propelled myself forward onto my feet. When I hit the mat though, I was already running. As I crossed the ring, I didn’t bother leaped up. All i wanted from the ropes was speed, and I got it off of the rebound. The challenger rose as I sprinted back across the ring, and then jumped. I leaned back, and extended my leg, knowing that my aim was perfect.
Godspeed took him off his feet, and stopped every bit of my momentum. He hit the mat hard, and I landed on top of him. There was no count from any referee. The fans exploded one second, but in the next the arena was completely empty. I looked beneath me to find that there was nothing there. The structure around the ring was gone. The house lights were off, and a single spotlight beamed down on me from the roof.
Reese Spencer: “Always scraping by in the end, mister. I should stop hoping that you’ll ever really change.”
I rolled in the direction of her voice, ready to fire back, but the woman standing in the ring with me wasn’t the worst influence that I had ever had in my life. Instead it was the one person that had given me the drive to actually make something of it. She shook her head with confidence, and a wide smile.
Heather Ryans: “He’s never needed to...”
I got up from the ring, the bumps, bruises and broken bones were as gone as quickly as they had appeared, and I felt better than I had in recent memory. I closed the two steps between us and wrapped my arms around her, relieved that whatever it was that was happening was finally over. I closed my eyes tightly,
Kali Fox:“That’s why we’re always going to be here....”
I do not know where she came from, but I was stuck between the two of them. Kali’s arms wrapped around the two of us. I opened my eyes to see everyone from Jet City standing in the ring with us. I tried to turn towards everyone, but Heather’s hand on my cheek stopped me. She pulled me back towards her, but was gone when I turned.
Everyone was.
Heather Ryans: “...even when we’re not.”
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“There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.”
-Dieter F. Uchtdorf
21 May 2018
New York City, New York
OFF-Camera
Clarity
Kris woke in a panic, and sat up in the middle of the bed. He was still in his room, but there were no blankets left on the bed around him. The pillows had ended up discarded around the room, and he had no problem understanding why. What he had experienced had felt so real that he could not wrap his head around it. Sure, it was a dream, but it felt like more than that.
Holden:
“You talk in your sleep...”
Kris had no reaction to the sound of his father’s voice. Holden had expected him to be caught off guard, irritated, or at the very least surprised. After all, he had not been invited on this little adventure to the other side of the country. In fact, Kris had purposefully kept the information away from him after he popped up in Chicago. Waking up with someone silently waiting on him was not a new feeling though. Maybe Jason was Holden’s son too. It would have explained a lot.
Kris
“Yeah, well, nobody asked you to come, so whatever you heard you will have to live with.”
The light tone that poured from Kris’ mouth was totally unlike anything that Holden had ever heard. He had met Kris at one of the worst times of his life, and things had not gotten a whole lot brighter since. Sure it had moments, and it always felt like it was building towards something, but there was always a cloud hanging over his son’s head. For the first time, it didn’t sound like Kris was carrying that weight. Holden found it hard not to let the satisfaction spread across his face. There would be a time for that, but it wasn’t now.
Holden:
“You’re pretty predictable, you know? You made a big deal about this place last year before Into The Void. That was when things were still looking up. Right before you won the Roulette Championship. Remember?”
Kris nodded, and had been thinking about it more and more in recent days. He had gone down the rabbit hole of trying to get into Crimson’s head, and if his dream was any indication, the reverse had happened. It seemed like in the last few days he had slowly lost himself in his opponent’s head. It did not seem nearly as important in hindsight though.
Kris
“It’s not just about being the best, is it?”
Somehow he knew, without even having to ask. Whether he had really been talking in his sleep and Holden had been here for the show, or if there was something more at play, Kris knew that his father would understand exactly what he meant.
Holden:
“It’s always been about taking something away from you.”
Kris nodded again. He had spent so much time trying to put together some sort of grand puzzle that he was not able to see what was right in front of him. On the other hand, the experience he had following falling off the deep end in Chicago had made everything much more clear.
Kris
“He knows he is good, but he doesn’t feel anything, not really. How could he? I mean just listen to him talk.”
Holden laughs lightly, and brings a new meaning to the first words Crimson had made once he came back.
Holden:
“He wants to cut parts out of you until the two of you are the same.”
It was close, but it no longer felt like the whole truth.
Kris
“This is the one thing that I wanted for the majority of my life. I mean, that was the whole reason that Jason got into it in the first place. He was just helping me to train. Then that led to him getting hurt. Then he recruited Parker. Parker gave him the idea for PRIDE. That is how he met Phillip, and Violet and where Jet City comes from. Parker recruited Coby. The students rolled in from there. It all came from me.”
Hearing the words coming out of Kris’ mouth was more than Holden could have hoped for. With any luck, all of the nudging was going to pay off. For the first time Kris was connecting all of the dots between everyone. The thing that Holden had spent months trying to engineer was on the tip of his son’s tongue.
Holden:
“Aren’t most of those guys all kind of spread out now though?”
Kris answered without even really considering it, but an interesting thing happened when he did.
Kris
“No, not really...”
Kris shook his head, and the words Heather had spoken to him in his dream rattle around in his head. Holden does his best to look confused, and when Kris panics and searches his father’s expression, he tries to backtrack his statement.
Kris
“I mean yeah… they are. Everyone is doing their own thing. That doesn’t really mean they are gone though.”
It was another first, and Holden was not going to have to hold back from pressing on this one. He could tell from the way that Kris was acting that something had changed the way that he was thinking, and if Kris was not going to actively acknowledge it, he was going to force him to.
Holden:
“That’s new.”
Kris forced a shrug, and then slid to the edge of the bed, dropping his feet to the floor. He tried to avert his eyes, knowing that they were going to give away the lie if he had to hold Holden’s gaze.
Kris
“Not sure what you mean.”
He tries to blow it off by pushing himself up from the bed and stretching. Holden was not going to let it go though.
Holden:
“I mean normally any time somebody leaves the room you are whining about them abandoning you. You literally just had a freak out about all of your friends leaving you hanging…. Yesterday. You went from being alone, all the way to, ‘that doesn’t mean they’re gone’ in one night. All it took was staying in this shitty apartment next to your hobo alley.”
Kris had originally run away to this apartment so that he could take a look at the hole that he used to live in. He had debuted it to the world last year before Into The Void, and it almost immediately turned it into a prime spot for graffiti and trespassing. He got so many complaints that he had bought the building, and now just used it as an escape.
Kris
“I like to see how far I have come sometimes.”
Holden steered them back around to the conversation that he wanted to have instead of letting Kris slip away from it.
Holden:
“Like in the last day for instance...”
Kris did not look overly pleased with the accusation. Kris knew his father had meant it in a different context than he did.
Kris
“They might not be here right now, but each of them gave me something to build from. They all came on board for my dream, added a big of their own flair, and then gave it back to me. They did not leave me. They just went back to living their own dreams. How could I justify being pissed off about that?”
Having the perfect answer, at the perfect time, is something that happens only a few times in a lifetime, but this was one of them.
Holden:
“You never had a problem with trying to before.”
Kris shrugs and moves across the room, past where his father sits in the corner. Kris turns into the bathroom and turns the faucet on.
Kris
“I wasn’t thinking clearly. I am now.”
Kris allows the water to pool in his hand, and splashes it against his face.
Holden:
“Well they say that there is a first time for everything….”
Kris brushes the water away from his face with a slight chuckle, and dries himself off with a towel on the counter.
Kris
“I’m not going to be insulted first thing in the...”
Holden checks his phone for the time and finishes his son’s thought for him.
Holden:
“...early evening….”
It should not have surprised Kris. By the time his flight had even gotten in, it was already getting into the early hours of the morning. The sun was already rising when he has finally fallen asleep.
Kris
“Either way… So shut the fuck up old man!”
The words themselves would have been hostile is not for the sarcastic tone of his voice. Holden had gotten used to it as Kris’ way of distancing himself from getting too close to people he was unsure about. When Kris emerged from the bathroom, the smile on his face was genuine. He took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly and calmly. Holden pointed up at him with a smirk.
Holden:
“You look lighter...”
Kris did not try to sidestep or deflect it.
Kris
“Yeah…. An anchor.”
Holden was not quite following, and his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Before he could ask though, Kris cuts him off to explain.
Kris
“From the moment that Crimson first put his eyes on me, he has wanted me to be alone. Like you said, the guy has me scouted. He knows my abilities sure, but it’s more than that. He knows my insecurities. He knows what buttons to push, and he knows how I am going to react when he pushes them.”
Holden relaxes in the chair a little, and nods.
Holden:
“That was why he went after Kali first.”
Kris gets even more excited about having put it together now that his father was back on track.
Kris
“He wants to fill me up with the same things that fill him up. It’s not about cutting those parts out of me. It’s about what he is putting in to replace it. If you keep hacking away at the good parts of a person’s life, all that’s left is the bad stuff. It’s all some mindfuck. He tells me that I am already like him, but I’m not. It’s some kind of sick self-fulfilling prophecy.,,,”
Kris’ thoughts trail off, but Holden is able to reign them in for him.
Holden:
“By the time he is done with you, you will be like him, but be convinced that you were like that the whole time.”
Kris snaps his fingers, and points to his father.
Kris
“Bingo!”
Knowing that Kris is finally seeing things clearly, Holden does not hold back his opinion of the number one contender to his son’s championship.
Holden:
“He’s a monster.”
The same smirk that made Kris famous comes across his face, and he shrugs his shoulders without a care.
Kris
“Yeah… well…. I’m a Miracle.”
==================================================
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“I can compare clarity to pruning in gardening. You know, you need to be clear. If you are not clear, nothing is going to happen. You have to be clear. Then you have to be confident about your vision. And after that, you just have to put a lot of work in.”
-Diane von Furstenberg
=============
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25 May 2018
Las Vegas, Nevada
Gold Coast Casino
ON-Camera
I Am
”You almost had me, you know?”
The cameras come to life on the back of the SCW World Heavyweight Champion. The championship itself is facing the camera, slung over Kris’ shoulder to be on full display.
”I was panicked. For the first time in a long time there were some serious creeping doubts running through my mind. It wasn’t going to change much. The fact remains that you are a problem that I allowed to happen. Nothing that you could ever say or do could change that really. What you could do, is distract me. You were that close.”
He holds his hand up so that it can be seen over his shoulder. His thumb and index finger are separated by mere millimeters.
”It was masterful really. I mean, other than the fact that you have basically given me all the answers, just in the wrong context. You talk about trying to mindfuck people into acting the way you want them to. Look at all the scary-eyed homeless people you had running around. Sure, it is exciting. It draws attention. It creeps most people the fuck out to be honest...”
He shrugs with a light laugh, but does not let it derail him.
”...and it almost worked on me. I was almost looking left, when I should have been looking right. You were setting me up to get blindsided by a harsh reality that you created. You want me to believe that we are alike? It is not going to happen. I am not ever going to be like you, because I have no reason to lower myself down to that level. I have no reason to waste so much time and energy hating everyone, and everything. I have no desire to spend my time plotting about how to rip people’s dreams away from them just so that they can feel empty. I know what that feeling is like, and it loves company. That’s what this whole thing with us is really about. Recruiting me to be like you.”
He turns around and shrugs the championship off of his shoulder and down into his hand. Kris raises it up in front of the camera, and looks back and forth between the faceplate and the lens.
”We have already agreed that this is just something that places us at the very top of the mountain. It is just a prop in the story that you are trying to tell, right? We don’t need it. If this championship was not on the line, we would still be having this match. We would still have the same hatred for one another. For the first time, the gold at the end of the rainbow isn’t the focus at all.”
He drops it from the frame, and lets it fall to the mat beneath his feet. The camera pulls back from him as he starts to walk forward across the ring. Viewers can see that crews are already going to work setting up for the show. The ring in the center of the room was the least of their issues.
”You wouldn’t stab me in the back when you had the chance, all because it was my idea. You proved it when you dumped me over that balcony. There was no moral dilemma of you attacking someone from behind. It is about attacking someone on your terms, to serve your purpose. All anyone is to you is a puppet on a string. You wanted to twist me up, and have me walk into this match with dozens of different things on my mind. You wanted me distracted and spaced out. You wanted me at my worst so that you would have a chance to walk away with a win if you were at your best. It worked the first two times you tried it, right?”
He makes a clicking sound against the inside of his cheek and shakes his head. With his hands free, he crosses his arms in front of his chest, and looks across the open space at a banner being hung. Kris himself was one of the four people featured, and it did not help his already swollen ego.
”I wasn’t around to fall for your bullshit going into Full Circle, and I was better than you were. You could try to pin your match with Harris as your excuse for losing, but we both know you had your opportunity to take me out. You weren’t helpless. You were able to fight. You just weren’t in my head. I wasn’t in the locker room to be manipulated by your every word. I came out with a clear head, and got to watch you panic as I came down to the ring. I watched you lose before the match even started, I just didn’t know it.”
Suddenly, he points across the space at the poster.
”We both knew that this would happen when we signed back on with Sin City, but only you knew why until now. It wasn’t for the championship. It wasn’t for the spotlight. The reason that we have been on this collision course for this long is because that is exactly where you want me to be. You want me standing in the ring across from you. You want to break me down time, after time, after time, as many as it takes. Not because we are the same, but because you aim to make us the same. The whole reason you want to cut parts of me out is because those aren’t the parts you think a partner needs. You want to turn me into one of those freaky white-eyed bastards. But why? That is the question that I couldn’t figure out the answer to...”
He snaps his fingers and points at the camera.
”...until I got rid of all of the distractions.”
Suddenly his week-long silence starts to snap together for the viewers. He had not run away, or gone into hiding. He had been looking for an answer, and he found one.
”What did I look for in the people that I recruited to Jet City? I mean it clearly wasn’t size. There were people like Aaron Isaacs there competing for their spot against people half their size. It wasn’t gender, because we were practically split right down the middle. I wasn’t race, religion, skill set, or a group specific thing. Not everyone there got along, and nobody really knew each other before they started. I didn’t look for any of those things. What I looked for, every single time I thought about taking on a new student, it was about how good they were.”
He holds up his hand before anyone watching can object to his statement.
”You are no different Crimson. Except your standards were higher. The fish that you intended to fry needed to be the biggest one in the pond. You needed to take someone that you felt was the golden boy, and help them to fall from grace. You wanted the very best that this roster had to offer, and after all your searching, you found me. It was the reason you came here. It was the reason you stayed here. It was the reason that you came back when the doors opened. You already know that I am the very best. If I wasn’t, then you wouldn’t be interested in this match at all.”
He shakes his head again, and scoffs at the idea of ever allowing himself to become like his opponent.
”I have no interest in joining up in your miserable existence. I have no interest in being a monster. Your life seems empty, and joyless. You tried to drag me down there where you are, but you don’t understand that it’s not possible. You can try to isolate me from the people around me, but you can’t take away the person that they have helped me to become. You can demean me for whatever you want. It doesn’t change the fact that I know exactly what I am, and it’s not ever changing.”
His tone becomes more challenging, and he crosses back to where he started in the ring, and reaches down to scoop the championship up off of the canvas. He holds it up in front of the camera again, having trouble stopping himself from laughing to get the words out.
”This is the only part of this match that means nothing to you, and it is the only thing that you could ever hope to take away from me. Nobody can win every match. It’s not feasible. Eventually your number is up. It is possible for you to beat me and take this championship, but it would be a hollow victory, wouldn’t it. You aren’t going to be satisfied with it. You are going to want to break me, and that is why you aren’t going to be able to end it. There is no breaking me. Not now.”
He places the championship back onto his shoulder, and moves on from it..
”You can bring all of the rules, toys, gadgets, weapons, cages, cells, head games and whatever the fuck else you want with you. You have full control to pick your very best shot. I cannot stop you from doing any of it, so I am not going to lose anymore sleep, or waste anymore time dwelling on it. If you think that I am going to run away scared, then you didn’t hold that Roulette Championship long enough. I broke a fucking record for carrying it longer than any person had ever been able to. I asked for all of my matches to be fought under Roulette Rules. I never had any idea what I was walking into, and I was more successful in those matches than anyone else that has ever worked in this company.”
He laughs at the thought of finding the unknown to be intimidating.
”I almost feel sorry for you. You tried so hard to turn me into a monster, and fell so short just inches away from the finish line. Now the only thing that you have to fall back on hoping that I don’t somehow find a way to overcome the odds and walk out of your creation with my sanity, and my championship.”
The smirk starts to creep onto his face, but he tries to hold it back.
”A nobody, an accident, a patron saint, or a pure asshat might not have been able to walk out of this one in one piece. Luckily I am not any of those things, and I’m not sure that I ever was. I’m pretty sure I’ve always been exactly who I needed to be, and it just so happens, it is the exact thing that anyone needs to survive a match like this.”
He finally allows the smirk it's time to shine in the spotlight, and gives a light shrugs of his shoulders.
”It’s really too bad for you that I’m the only Miracle that this company has ever seen. Looks like you are going to come up just one short of everything that you wanted.”
He winks at the camera as it starts to fade out.