Session Four, Part 1: When it broke.

There comes a moment, where everything has just piled on to a point where the pressure breaks you. It doesn’t matter how strong you are mentally or physically. Everyone, and I mean everyone has a breaking point. The point in your life where everything is lost, everything is overbearing and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. When it happens all it takes is a little push in either direction. One way or the other. To end it all, to stop the pain forever in a moment of selfish relief. Or to soldier on, to scratch, claw and fight for a better life.

Then there’s the third option.

You don’t end it, you don’t fight. You run. You just look in one direction, and no matter what you have left behind you do not under any fucking circumstances look back. That’s how Alicia felt one night years ago. This one is hard for her to get through. And no matter the support from her sons, her husband, her teammates or her doctor, this was going to take her back to a place where she almost took herself out of the game. A night where she was moments before checking out permanently.

”Just breath deep and slow. Close your eyes and try to remember why you felt that way. And how you beat it.” Dr Whitlows voice was calm, soothing but also authoritative. It wasn’t so much of a request, more of an order. She wanted a breakthrough, to know why Alicia ran, why she almost ended it.

It was their engagement dinner. They had been forced to make it official. Even after Ronnie had gotten Alicia pregnant twice they still hadn’t made it official as Mr Andrews was unsure, due to Alicia’s family having a low standing in society now. Rory and Ryan were still babies. Both under two years old. Alicia could feel the way everyone looked at her. As if she was so lucky that Ronnie had chosen her, that she was low scum, a teenage mother that had hit the jackpot. Even her friends, girls she had grown up with, gone to high school with and spent hours and hours talking to felt that way. Her own mother sneered and let the comments stand. Every slight, every cruel joke. They hung in the air and Alicia just had to eat it.

Then there was Ronnie himself. Sitting there next to Alicia, smiling and joking, being so charming and looking innocent. Like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.

Alicia knew the truth. She knew the kind of man he was and this sickened her. Her stomach churned, she stared down at her plate, still full of food, she wasn’t hungry, a fact many sitting at the table had already commented on, one woman spitting that Alicia must be “watching her weight”. It got under her skin, she felt judged and like people were looking down on her. Ronnie looked sideways, his gaze moved from Alicias plate up to her face, she tried to hide the frustration and sadness. Ronnie then leaned over and whispered so no one else could hear. ”Could you smile? You are embarrassing me.” She knew what that meant.

A chill went up her spine. Her hand moved up taking the fork in her hand as she popped a piece of steak in her mouth. Ronnies hand drifted down and grabbed her leg, his thumb and fingers squeezing her this hard just above her knee. She winced but knew enough to try and hide it. ”This is a big night, you should be happy, not ungrateful, you bitch. Now smile while they’re all watching.” She turned to him, her cheeks moved up, the smile was fake but as she added a small chuckle people turned away, including her mother. Alicia swallowed hard and looked down and away. Ronnie sneered and shook his head squeezing harder.

There was a crying sound from the other room. Rory was awake and needed feeding. Alicia sighed heavily as she stood up. Ronnie pulled her back down for a moment and kissed her on the cheek. ”I will see to him…” Ronnie nodded slowly and Alicia moved through the dining room and into the study where the boys were put as they slept. Alicia moved to her bag and grabbed a bottle. Ryan, o0only seven months old, slept in a small crib as Rory who was almost two, sat up, his eyes red as tears moved down his face. ”I know kiddo.” She smiled and pulled Rory up and onto her lap leaning the bottle in his mouth.

Alicia was startled as Ronnie stepped in, his head tilting to the side as he closed the door behind him. ”What is taking so long? My aunt is out there and wants to see you.” He sneered and growled putting his arms on his hips. ”Your attitude has been atrocious. You should be glad, I wanted you. My father said I should have chosen someone closer to my fucking breeding.” She swallowed and finished giving Rory his bottle, he was back asleep, Alicia moved and set him back down before turning back and going to walk past Ronnie. His hand shot sideways, hitting her in the lower stomach. Alicia doubled over and coughed. ”Take a moment, fix yourself up and adjust your attitude, get out there and stop being a fucking bitch.”

As he left, her hands shook. Her body ached and she almost dropped to her knees as tears formed in her eyes smudging her make up. She couldn’t take it anymore, the pain, the humiliation. It was enough. She looked behind her at her sons, both of them sleeping soundly. They’d be better off without her. Ronnie treated them like little princes. She looked over at the bathroom to the side moving towards it. Her hand reaching down to grab her make up bag on the way. She closed the door behind her and looked up at the mirror, she hated what she saw.

Her eyes closed, her body shook and she had to use all her willpower not to burst into tears. But there just wasn’t enough.

She sat down on the toilet seat, her head in her hands as she whimpered and felt the heat in her face. She wanted to scream, she wanted to hit the wall. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to allow Ronnie that victory. Her eyes moved to the side and she saw it siting on the bench. Ronnie’s fathers straight razor. Before she knew it the razor was in her hand. She opened nit and looked over the blade. He kept it so sharp and made sure it was in the shape he needed it for. She looked in the mirror, she turned on the faucet as hot water poured and steam rose up. Her hand trembled as she looked down at her wrist.

”I can’t imagine getting to that point.”

Dr Whitlow sighed heavily, her hand moving up to wipe a tear away. Alicia stared at the ceiling in her familiar position. Her hands clasped over her stomach as she swallowed and looked over. She simply shrugged and let out a deep breath. Dr Whitlow sat back and moved the pen around in her hand before writing something down. ”I felt like I had nothing. My boys would be better off without me, my mother could just write me off. My brother and sister didn’t matter. It was selfish and a cowardly thing to think of.” Alicia spit it like venom, still wallowing in self hatred over the actions from a decade ago.

It was all fresh in her mind. Dr Whitlow shook her head and leans forward. ”Take a break. We have more time but, I think you need it.” She was right, Alicia needed to breathe, to remember where she was and who she was. To readjust. She sat up and gave a small nod before moving over to grab some water. Soon she would have to ngo back in, and that would be an even harder trip down memory lane.

Bitch, I’m already a queen

”Can I stop pretending now?”

Alicia fuckin Lukas. Her long blond hair flowing down the side of her face, her makeup done with cherry red lips, eyeliner that made her bright blue eyes pop and the black war strip under her eye. .She shook her head and sneered, already in a bad mood it seems.

”Can I stop sitting here and pretending I’m not still the best professional wrestler on this planet today?. Thats what I feel like I’ve been doing. Since the start of the year, since I lost the SCW bombshells title to Keira Fisher-Johnson I have had this personality crisis. Some have said I seem erratic. Not focused. And honestly they’re right. I am at my best when I have a goal in mind. When I know what I want and I chase it. Like a relentless pitbull. So, I need to get back to that. And what better way than to win the Queen for a day ladder match and gain the power to change my own destiny. Cause, honestly, I’ll tell you all right now what I’ll do. Whoever comes out of Into the void as champion, well, I’ll be coming for them. I’ll book myself in a title match so fast it’ll make y’alls heads spin.”

“I’m not even sorry. And that is the right of the match winner. You become queen for a day you can do what you want. Hell if I want to book Crystal in a ten on one handicap match I can, if I want to put Roxi Johnson back in the ring with her wife again, guess what?, I can.”

“I love this concept and it’s the first time I have been able to go for it. And goddamn am I hungry?”

“Before I get into who is in the match, let me just go over a few things here. I have been very vocal in my opinions when it comes to overuse of terms and how some people are undeserving of hero worship. I feel sorry for Bella Madison, unable to be cleared for this match, when she needs a win like this to really boost her career and what she is capable of. But deep down I know she wanted it. The same cannot be said of Keira Fisher-Johnson. And, you all want to know why my opinion changed of her? It’s not just what happened with the title, it’s aos because of her attitude when it comes to things like this. See, she has been announced for opportunities over and over again. Handed them as a matter of fact. And here she gets another on a silver platter. Only to be “pulled” from the match.”

“Presumably because she’d rather spend her time tweeting about donuts and pretending she’s training. The truth is people like Keira Fisher-Johnson don’t belong in matches like this or in the ring with me. They’re pretend wrestlers, pretend warriors and should have never been allowed to get their hands on a world title. In one moment, one flukish moment she took that title from me and instead of getting it right back I decided to try and have some humility...and because of that the Bombshells title was made to look like a joke…”

She growls and shakes her head before getting to her feet and pacing, the anger in her veins rising up and causing her to step harder on the floor.

”So, now we have talked about those who have fallen on hard luck and those who didn’t deserve it in the first place lets get to the opponents in it and my ”competition”. Now, there’s no secret matches like this can be an absolute clusterfuck. It’s also no secret that in matches like this I have an up and down relationship. I can dominate, destroy half the field or everyone involved only to be piped at the finish line by some lucky fucker with a horse shoe up her cooch and a four leaf clover up her ass.”

“One on one I am damn near unbeatable. And that is what I have to keep in mind. See Seleana, Zuri, they are just two of the women who have found out what it’s like to face someone like me. Maki did too, shit Mercedes and Char have also fallen to me.”

“So that is what I’m fighting for in this.”

“I win the Queen for a day, I climb the ladder and get the win, well I can book myself against whoever I want for whatever I want. One on one, no one else. Just me and whoever I set my sights on. I can call my shot and do anything I want. No one can stop me, no one can say no and all you can all do is watch and whine your little hearts out, since most of you are nothing but a pack of whiny entitled bitches who don’t know the meaning of earning anything.”

Alicia pauses for a moment and scoffs folding her arms over her chest.

”Take all my opponents in this match for example. Courtney Pierce is an expert at running her mouth on twitter, acting like she’s a star and she has the right to run down everyone in the Bombshells division. Including Salco, who beat her. In fact little miss Pierce hasn’t been going to well has she? In between long periods of inactivity she lost to Salco and Kwan but then somehow, someway got herself a title opportunity at Climax control 300 all because of an opportunity she won from a blast from the past tournament years ago.”

“Are you kidding me Courtney? First off, you don’t have the right to run anyone down in this division when you’re struggling to remain relevant and need to call on things from 2018 to make sure anyone remembers you. Since that Blast from the past win you haven’t done a goddamn thing Court, and you failed, hard, against Amber Ryan in trying to get your hands on the bombshells title.”

“You know the bombshells title right?”

“The one I have held three times since 2019?. The title that I held longer than anyone in a single reign, the title that I didn’t let Crystal, her daughter or her wife get their hands on from my second reign onwards?. That one? The title you have never held?. In fact, you haven’t held any title in Sin City Wrestling. You come from that overrated rat pack of mediocrity Jet City. Meanwhile I come from Wolfslair. The team of champions. And not just in Sin city. See, while Austin, Alex, Johanna and myself have dominated this company we have champions everywhere. You Jet city scrubs are just faded memories and empty promises. I can’t let you get queen of the day, imagine the mediocre bullshit you’d book…”

She makes a face, holding her stomach as if she’s about to throw up.

”Thing is while I don’t get why Coyrtney is here or even Char I completely understand Mercedes. See, like me Mercedes Vargas has a certain amount of equity built up in this company. Her name is synonymous with the initials SCW and when people will name their top Bombshells Mercedes will bounce around that conversation. Much like myself. But, unlike Mercedes who had a few good years and has been riding that wave ever since I haven’t stopped being exceptional. I came into SCW as one of the best and still, here today over two years since I walked into the company I’m still here. I haven’t fallen off, I haven’t become like you. See, I still win, I still go into every match I have as the betting favorite.”

“Meanwhile, you, well, you go into matches, lose and then make excuses. You even said once that you didn’t care if you lose because you’re still Mercedes Vargas. You’ll still get opportunities and this match, well this match proves you right doesn’t it Mercy?”

“See, the last two supercards, I beat you, then Maki. And I have continued my winning ways all the way up to Into the void and this match. Meanwhile, you lost to me, you were able to beat Violet Amelia Holt at Blaze of glory, cause, that sure as shit is difficult. Well, not for me, seems to be for you since you beat her but then lost the roulette qualifier to her. Then you got beaten by Krystal Wolfe so literally, the only reason Mercedes Vargas is in a match of this magnitude in 2021 is because of shit she did in 2012…..and that’s sad as fuck….”

“Not as sad as Char Kwan though…”

She laughs to herself and rolls her eyes.

”The last member of Gamer INC and the Trenton pussies to be floating around SCW still acting like she’s something special when she was a fucking alternate in this match. Cause if Bella wasn’t injured and Keira wasn’t such a piece of shit you’d be sitting backstage in fucking catering. But, hey you have this opportunity drop in your lap and much like Courtney you don’t really deserve it. You got beat by Jesse Salco, went to a no contest with Krystal, got humiliated by Evie before she went on on her orgasm vacation with Ben.,...”

“In fact the only bright spark in who pitiful bullshit career over the last year is your win over tweedle dumb…”

“And by that I mean Courtney Pierce, just incase you’re as slow as Char is.”

“Bottom line Kwan, you stomp around talking like you’re some kind of star and you can beat anyone when all evidence is to the contrary. You want to be someone different and prove everyone wrong then this is the perfect match to do it. Climb the ladder, take the briefcase and book yourself in a title match or something else to get your glory. Or, a better idea. And one that bis much, much more likely. The three of you can watch me climb that ladder, get the briefcase, bring it down and then kiss my ass for a title shot when I book MY show and am Queen for a day...cause the rest of you?..y’all are fools for a lifetime…”

Session Two: Two Steps forward, one step back

She wanted out of the car.

From the second her mother explained what was about to happen Violet had an uneasy feeling. The last few years had been awkward for her, living with her mother and siblings in a middle class life that was fine for her but hell for her mother had been stressful. Violet Alicia Maxwell, years before she would become Alicia Lukas, had grown up without caring about accumulated wealth or the apparent advantages it had. But her mother, well, her mother had been used to the life.

Barbera Marie Lukas. A woman born into old money of the south, who had given it all up because she fell in love with the wrong man, and was cut off by her family. A proper southern belle who wanted to marry a dirty, loud professional wrestler named Jason. It had ended her way of life, it had destroyed the world she had become accustomed. And that put them in a way that caused so much anger and resentment that Violet never knew what happiness was. That was until Barbera discovered a way to guarantee their social standing.

Arranged marriage.

Something that had rarely been talked about and assumed to have been abolished in the western world was actually still alive and well. Barbera had increased the families lives by marrying a man who had been successful, in a modest way. But to really push their standing up, to get the family name back where it needed to be, well, Violet was the sacrificial lamb. And this drive felt like a lamb being led to slaughter. Dressed in a tight fitting pink and white dress, her hair done in curls with ribbons and forced to wear uncomfortable shoes, Violet had already dealt with the attitude from her younger sister Rose, who would later be known as Zoey Lukas in her own brief wrestling career, until Violet pointed out that after she had been handed off, she would be next.

The streets whipped by, the road changed from something that looked like the suburbs to a more country feeling. Rolling hills and forest cover with plains and large plantations. Violets heart sank, she felt like she was about to throw up, her bright blue eyes moving from the window to her sister who was snoring next to her in the back seta, her stepfather hummed a tune as he drove and her mother...well her mother was the picture of a southern lady. Her hair being worn above her shoulders, curled with black sunglasses on and a dark blue dress. She smiled and sighed happily as Violet shook her head, the sixteen year old debutant that wanted nothing to do with this and she was getting tired of hiding it.

They turned into a large estate, a few men stood at the gate, black suits and sunglasses as some form of uniform as they gave a nod waving the old white rolls royce through ansd to the main house. They circled around a large stone angel with water coming from a small clay pot in it’s hands into the waterfall feature below.

They all got out of the car, Rose looked around, her hands in her pockets, their brother Josh, the middle child had been able to get out of this, being sent away to camp while Rose wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Her step father took Rose to the side moving over to talk to an older man near the door who smiled and greeted him with a firm handshake. Violet growled and turned her nose up as Barbera sighed and turned front on to her oldest child. ”Oh stop sneering. You should be happy. This will set you up for life Violet. You’ll be married and be a woman of leisure.” Violet tried not to show her feelings, but a groan escaped her lips causing Barbera to flare her nostrils and grab her by the arm. ”The Andrews family own some of the biggest sugar refineries in the country. They are worth hundreds of millions. You’ll never have to worry again.”

Like Violet cared about that.

”So? I don’t need any of that. I want to find something I’m passionate about, I don’t want to be some vapid stay at home and smile socialite, trotted out like a fuckin show pony-”

”ENOUGH!” Her mother spat angrily, her eyes widened, her teeth grinding together as she tightened her hand around Violet's wrist pulling her close. ”You are doing this not just for yourself but your family. Now, I am going to take you over there to meet Ronald and his father Derek, and you will be delightful and the picture of a sweet young lady.” She turned and instantly the act was put on, Barbera smiled and waved her hand in the air with a grin taking Violet over to the group. ”Hello!...Derek, Ronald, I would like to introduce you to Violet..my oldest…”

”Hello young Lady, pleasure to meet you...say hello Ronald.”

The younger man stepped forward, his hair swept back, he was handsome, atleast he had that going for him. He had blue eyes, dark hair and was well built, standing about six foot three and looked to be seventeen or eighteen years old. He had a strong jawline and reached out taking Violets hand and bending down to kiss the top of it. ”Pleasure to meet you, Violet’

Violet bit her lip lightly, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. ”Nice to meet you to...Ronald.”

”So you let your guard down?”

She was back in the office, laying on the couch. She nodded slowly as Dr Whitlow jotted a few lines down in her notebook. Alicia sighed heavily and kept her hands clasped together as she looked up. Remembering how she felt almost fourteen years ago as she looked at a man who would be the father of her young children and also her biggest mistake. But at the time, at the moment she first met him, she was filled with something else. Hope

Alicia sat up and pulled her knees to her chest letting oput a deep breath giving a small shrug. ”I was a kid. Sheltered too. I was against it at first but, I don’t know. Rich, good looking and at first he was…” She trailed off and swallowed hard.

”Sweet? Kind? A dream?” Alicia slowly nodded, Dr Whitlow gave a half smile and put her pen down before leaning against her knees. ”Men with predatory personalities often act that way in the beginning, it draws people in. It’s a hunting skill..”

”And I fell for it...completely….how fucking pathetic and stupid was I?”

Dr Whitlow sighed and picked her pen back up writing a few more things down before clearing her throat. ”You were sixteen years old. We were all stupid at sixteen dear. Even me. Not that I can remember that far back.” She shot Alicia a reassuring grin, Alicia laughed to herself and sighed again. ”Focus on that, your age, your future...but, thats all for today….thank you...you opened up...it’s progress.” Alicia goit to her feet grabbing her back, she moved out of the office closing the door behind her and making her way down the hallway to the elevator. As the doors closed and she felt it move down to the parking garage she took a deep breath in before feeling the tears roll down her cheeks.

Progress, as it turns out. Is painful

A dull edge

Being honest with yourself is deceptively hard. Forcing yourself to look in the mirror and admit that maybe you’ve lost a step. That maybe you’re not as good as you once thought you were. This is where Alicia Lukas was in her life. The truth she had to look in the mirror and tell herself.

”I failed. Again. Something that again, I’m not used to. And the last few months that’s all it’s been for me. Failure after failure after failure. And sure, people can point to certain things I’ve done and applaud. Beating Maki one on one in a match of the year contender is something to be proud of. But, after coming back and beating Bobbie Dahl, the woman who put me on the shelf, regaining my bombshells title and getting back to the apex of SCW, as quickly as I ascended, I fell.”

“I watched Keira Fischer Johnson rise up with her own little dream narrative. A story that I believed and got fooled by hook, line and sinker. Her story and her actions made me feel back for wanting to win., to retain the title. And when she beat me I smiled looking at her holding that championship. I applauded, I smiled and I was proud of her and I was happy I lost.”

“Happy I fucking lost. Can you believe that shit?”

“At that moment I should have realised something was wrong with me. I should have stepped back and re-evaluated right then and there. But I didn’t. Shit I didn;’t even take a rematch for the title, I wanted Keira to have that moment in the sun because I believed she earned it. And as quickly as the feeling of pride in her and her accomplishment came, it flew out the fucking window when I saw her make thew title mean nothing. See, I held it and it was the biggest title in the world, I lose that thing and no one can actually keep it at that level. Evie came damn close, then the run of champions we had since then?...

She shakes her head, her heart sinking to the pit of her stomach while anger rises up in its place. Alicia tuts and folds her arms over her chest.

”Hopefully with Amber Ryan we have one that’s worth it. And before I get into my match this week, let me just say something about the match a lot of people seem to want. Amber Ryan versus Alicia Lukas. Believe me, I’m sure it’ll happen. We’ve had other dream matches involving me lately. Maki and Mercedes for instance. Amber and I will step in the ring one day, and the entire wrestling world will stop and watch. But, until then I have other matches and moments to look forward to…”

Alicia turns and slowly sits down crossing one leg over the other. Her hands moving down to grab her leg as it crosses over the other.

”You know, the reason why I decided to give everyone a refresher in what happened with Keira, and the feelings I went through there is because of a situation that happened with Seleana. See, Seleana doesn’t get the respect she deserves. While Roxzi and Keira get to much respect for the kind of people they are Seleana gets overlooked and forgotten. Keira and Roxi are all about themselves and hide it behind the team Hero bullshit. They’re both just as self serving and as bad as one another. But Seleana is someone who overcomes that kind of selfish bullshit”

“Seleana is married to one of the most arrogant bitches I have ever met in my life but instead of feeding into it and trying to hide it like the Johnsons do Seleana goes about her business being herself. And that deserves to be admired. She is a respectful stand up woman who always does her best in that ring and never, never makes excuses.”

“Two years ago, I came into this company and I destroyed EVERYONE. I went against the best this company had to offer and week after week I had my hand raised high.”

She shrugs and laughs to herself shaking her head. The good old days.

”But. In that time and the matches I had there was a a blip in that run. Aside from being beaten by Dani Weston I had also lost to Selena Zdunich. And it was a hard loss. Not because I was beaten by the better woman but because the decision and destiny of the match was taken from my hands. And I looked Seleana in the eye and I told her that she had a responsibility to her own legacy and family to go one on one with me again and put the title that her wife stole for her on the line. And one thing that I will never forget is that Seleana agreed.”

“She didn’t hide, she didn’t make excuses or tell the world I had to earn it or that she was the rightful champion. Seleana looked at me, told me I was right and told the world that she wasn’t the real champion unless she could beat me without Crystals help. That right there told me all I needed to know about Seleana. And you can look back at my history with anyone in this company and you can pinpoint exact moments when my opinion of them changed. You can see it with Roxi, when she refused to congratulate me or acknowledge I was the better woman, you can see it with Keira or Mercedes.”

“But with Seleana it never changed from then on.”

“And it’s for one reason. Seleana is real”

“The Seleana Zdunich you meet on day one, face to face is the same woman you’ll see two years later. And since I came into this company I have smiled every single time I have seen Seleana succeed. Shew wins a  big match, becomes a champion and does herself and her family proud and I will be one of the first to shake her hand backstage. So, while I felt bad for wanting to beat Keira, I do actually feel bad when I face Seleana. Because, with the exception of when Crystal interfered….I’ve had her number.”

Alicia sighs heavily and stares off into space as she sits back, uncrosses her legs and pushes her fingertips together in a pyramid, her fingertips touching her chin.

”And it’s not because Seleana can’t beat me. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. She had all the tools to get me. She had all the skills and the drive to get in there and get a win over me. She just doesn’t. And who knows, maybe this time it’ll be different. Maybe this time Seleana will get in the ring and show the world what she is capable of and walk out the winner. But, then again.,Maybe she won’t. Maybe Seleana is destined to never have that big win over me. Maybe she is destined to be like the rest of her family and never get to say they’re better than me.”

“Maybe Seleana will have to go back home, look her daughter in the eye and explain how and why she failed to beat Alicia Lukas again.”

“And while part of me will feel bad, part of me will regret what I have to do, well, I still have to do it. We’re all in this together, all fighting for position and fighting for a spot. And I know how good you are Seleana, I know what you want and how to get there. But to get what you want you have to go through me and for me to get what I want?..well. I have to go through you and based off our history Sel...well...I know who i’d I have money on…”

Therapy for pain

Nervous didn’t accurately describe this feeling. She had to go alone, the therapist had been very specific. This made her uneasy, made her feel lonely, terrified and reflective on her life. Everything she had gone through and the memories that had been triggered. He hadn’t meant to do it, but that didn’t matter now. The damage was done and she needed to fix it, needed to stop the bleeding. Her blue eyes, dulled by her own emotions moved around the room, a bland, cold, standard waiting area. Complete with magazines from months ago, a water cooler with those shitty paper cups and a sign pointing to a public toilet that Alicia would not use if her bladder was going to burst.

It felt like she’d been here an eternity. But in reality it had only been mere minutes. She kept looking up at the clock, it had barely moved. In her frustrated state she thought it was a trick. Maybe they deliberately slowed the clock down to make you feel ill, more susceptible to talking about things you otherwise wouldn’t.

God, what is wrong with me?”

Her stomach was in knots, she felt paranoid and had no idea why. What is the worst that could happen? She was in control, she was the one who chose to be here and she could make the choice to leave anytime she wanted.

But she had promised Michael.

Fuck

She hated making promises, because she never broke them. Not since she was 19 years old and broke one to herself and to her two young sons. Since that day, since that promise, Alicia wouldn’t do it again. And she had foolishly promised her husband she would try, she would see the Doctor, she would try and get through tp see just what the hell was wrong. And if she would get better. She promised to try. But wasn’t this trying? Sitting here in this room being driven to madness by the deafening silence and cold aesthetic? Her hands gripped the arms of the hard plastic chair and she went to push to her feet, determined that she was going to leave. Then, as if by magic, or just coincidental timing the door opened.

A slender older woman, who looked to be in her mid to late sixties stepped out. She was maybe 4’11, silver hair that was kept short. Black wire framed glasses and a kindly smile. She reminded Alicia of her grandmother. The smile broke and a soft voice broke the silence that had tormented Alicia for the last ten minutes. ”Violent Reynolds?” It took a moment to register in Alicia’s mind. Her legal, non wrestling name.

It was rarely used.

She swallowed hard as she snapped out of it and gave the older woman a small nod and stepped forward. ”Yes, that’s me. But please call me Alicia.”

She turned on the southern charm, under her best behavior, trying to be a beacon of confidence. She puffed out her chest and had even dressed for the part. A nice top, a skirt and conservative shoes. She even did her hair up in a high business style bun leaving a few strands down to frame her face, minimal make up, just enough to show off her southern beauty. ”Oh dear no…”

No?

She frowned, unable to say anything as the kindly woman folded her arms and stepped forward looking up at Alicia, who stood almost a foot taller, her broad shoulders, muscular body and curvy features making her look even taller and bigger than the slight older woman. ”My name is Dr Whitlow. And I will call you by your legal name. Because I am not talking to the woman on the television screen, am I?” She was taken back by the forward comments, and the fact this woman had known her, or at the very least, had done her research.

Alicia simply shook her head, agreeing with the good Doctor. Her shoulders and posture slumped. In a sixty second meeting this woman had dressed her down, found an insecurity and taken away all her confidence.

Dr Whitlow turned to her side putting her arm through the door ushering Alicia in. She moved through and stood to the side as the Doctor moved around her desk and sat down, she pulled a file in front of her and a clipboard before looking up at her with her glasses down around her nose. ”Please take a seat. Make yourself comfortable.”

Comfortable, that’s funny

She smiled and sat down right across the desk, her eyes moving around the office, there were books, diagrams, motivational posters. A couch to lay on, a small coffee table with a plant. It was nicer in here, warmer. Alicia was able to breathe. Dr Whitlow closed the file and set the clipboard aside before clasping her hands together and sitting forward. ”You don’t need to be nervous. This isn’t an official session dear. Just a consultation. You might not even need me.

She stayed silent for a moment and swallowed hard. She took in a deep breath and a nod, the truth was, she did need this. And she knew it. ”I….I appreciate that. But Doctor, I need help.” She could feel it welling up. The trepidation she had from before, as she sat outside the room, all that melted away. She didn’t want this anymore. The feeling of being helpless, the feeling of being a victim. That wasn’t her. She didn’t need or want people “standing up” for her. But first she needed this. Her eyes welled up with tears, she looked at Doctor Whitlow right in the eyes, her bottom lip quivered as she spat the words she never wanted to say.. ”Help me.”

Demon Slaying for Dummies

”I’m glad you listened Maki. It’s time someone did.”

Alicia looked up and smiled, a side smile with the top of her lips tilting to the right and showing her teeth. She shook her head and went back to it, her accent sounding decidedly more “southern” than normal.

”But, it’s funny to know that without me even talking you would have been directionless. It took me saying things about the real you for the real you to make an appearance. But there lies the problem baby girl, you don’t even know who the real you is anymore. You’ve been flip flopping for so long it’s sickening and can turn you into a tailspin if you keep watching and spinning your head. Are we the sweet respectful Melissa Aki?. Are we the girl who fell so deeply in love with that moron Zolton? Are we the blood spitting demoness who will try and rip someones face off? That’s the thing, you don’t know.”

“I know who I am Melissa. I’m Alicia fucking Lukas. I’m a three time Bombshells champion, The only woman to win wrestler of the year, I’m the woman who drew Roxi Johnson back into SCW and beat her one on one. I was the woman who made everyone forget about Mikah till she sauntered her overrated ass back into SCW.”

“I’m the woman who has told the world she respects anyone with the balls to get in the ring and do this for a living…”

“But that respect has boundaries. I came into a company where the Bombshells division was an afterthought, just like it was in WWH before I rescued that one too. Because this is what I do Maki. I make people and divisions matter by simply existing. That isn’t arrogance, that isn’t me jerking myself off in public. Thats a fact. The fact is the Bombshells title was mediocre till I came here. I snatched it off Dani Weston, who is a talented woman and was a great champion but she never had a real dance partner.”

“And...as good as she is, or rather, was?”

Alicia pauses for a moment and shakes her head with a laugh under her breath.

”She could never lift up her opponents to her level, she never inspired others to BE better.”

The words spat like venom, she flipped her long blond hair from her face showing she had the trademark black war paint stripe under her right eye.

”I did and I still do. Hell, I have been able to get you to finally show some fire. Admittedly that fire is more of embers slowly lifting up into the dark sky and less like a blazing inferno, but I’ll work with what I’m given. See, Maki, the first promo I did was all about respect, it was about building you up to try and get you to show yourself. The real you. And I succeeded. This promo, well, not so much. You even said it yourself. I’m your greatest rival. It’s flattering really. Knowing that the day I touched your life meant so much to you that in your mind you have envisioned this grand clash of equals and warriors who echo through the ages. To you, the day you stepped in the ring with Alicia Lukas was a life altering and life affirming moment…”

“To me...it was a Tuesday…”

“I meant what I said about your talent Maki, I did. And  I meant it when I called you a special talent. You’re just not as special as me. But very few people are. That’s what has always had me on another level and I want to try and bring you up here with me. I want you to be that damn good. You have the ability and talent, but I question the drive and the dedication, I question the intelligence. I question the decision making. There’s nothing wrong with an ego Maki, but the ego you have? The things you said?. That ain’t it chief.”

“You actually said you, YOU were the best signing in SCW?”

Alicia makes the “big oop” face and shakes her head with a laugh.

”Don’t get me wrong Maki, you’re nowhere near the worst, but when you go from calling yourself “mediocre” on social media and pointing out the win loss record to suddenly being “the best signing” in two weeks, well, that’s a big yikes from me honey. Just off the top of my head, the entirety of Wolfslair were better Signees. Alex and Austin both won the SCW world title, we know what I’ve done and even Johanna is a former mixed tag team champion and a two time roulette champion. Even our “worst” member is better than you.”

“And outside wolfslair?. There’s Amber Ryan, Cassian Reed, Lucy Serephinas return.”

“Honey, Maki, I like you I do, but stop talking utter bullshit.”

“You don’t need to put on a delusional front to be affective. You also don’t need to put up empty threats. You are not going to destroy me, kill me, bite me, stab me or lick me...at ell, in any context, ever. What you can do, is slap on your demon facepaint, come up with a cool entrance and get in the ring at Blaze of glory and do your best to beat me, or, more likely, catch this ass kicking as I remind everyone who and what I am and what I’m capable of. Blaze of glory will not be my end, it will not be the final resting place of Alicia Lukas’ career and it will not be the final chapter in my goddamn story.”

“I have more left in the tank and I am going to use YOU are an example...and I mean that Maki...with all the respect in the world.”

Lying to yourself

”I’m Fine”

Two words, said multiple times. A lie that she kept telling herself. A lie that was now repeating in her head over and over again. The last week had been hell. A moment that she didn’t want known had been broadcast all over social media and the company. A moment of weakness that Alicia had tried to just push down and not care about. This wasn’t the first time Alicia had felt like this. Not the first time she had been made to feel insignificant and been threatened. But the difference between all those years ago and now was that she was stronger. But she remembered the feeling. She remembered it all and it all came flooding back. A life that she had left behind along with a name and a past.

Violet Maxwell.

Her birth name and something she had tried to forget. A last name given to her by a father that valued his own feelings and future over his children. A name that was given to her only to be pushed away when her own mother put her up for what many would consider to be an arranged marriage. A great southern tradition. But it was a marriage and a life that would almost break her and lead her to take her own life. Pushed and pulled into a spiral of depression. It culminated in a moment she would never forget. A desperate night where she was ready to simply end it all.

But she didn’t.

She ran away but fought to regain an identity.

An identity that had to live by letting the old one die. Alicia went from a teenage mother, betrothed to an abusive man who was treating her like an emotional and sometimes physical punching bag, to being a strong, independent woman who was a star in the professional wrestling world. A multi-time world champion and a woman who was scared of no one. That’s who Alicia Lukas was. The Lioness, the queen of wolves, the strong style southern belle. All names that she had earned through blood, sweat, tears and triumph. It was a persona and a career forged in the fires of competition.

All around the world. From Europe, to Japan, to Mexico and the United States. Through Honor Wrestling, WWH, LAW, 4CW, IWF and now SCW. Company after company she faced the best and went on to have historic and impressive title reigns. This was Alicia Lukas, this was who she had become. But last week, every fight she had one, every accomplishment earned...it all turned to ashes, and got carried away by the wind.

Her eyelids fluttered. She twitched. She could feel Austins hand on her wrist, turning and squeezing it causing blood vessels to pop and her skin to turn yellow and purple. His strength scared her. A six foot six beast whose eyes had once been kind and loving. Like a brother. Like family. But now, those eyes were black, deep and soulless. Like a void with nothing inside them. There was no kindness, no heart. Just anger and cruelty. His face morphed from his own to Travis Blakes, to Kaden Kessler, to Chris Cane and finally to Ronnie. All of her failed relationships, men who used her in different ways, abused her in different ways. All her past mistakes. All rolled into one terrifying moment.

Monsters who stripped little parts of her, one by one taking a piece of her soul.

Alicia changed too. It was not the Alicia we know now. Not the well put together strong woman with an athletic build. No, her hair was shorter, thinner, her body was too. She was younger, terrified.

Everything went fuzzy, as if she had been hit.

She fell to her knees, her heart racing fast as the side of her face started to bruise and swell like her wrist. Tears started to form in her eyes and her body started to shake hard. Her arms wrapped around herself as the feeling of lose and desperation entered her like a bullet through the heart. She was back there again. Nineteen years old, locked in that bathroom, the feeling of hot water and steam filling the room. Her face and hair damp with the feeling of the air now weighing heavy.

Her eyes open, they scan the room.

They focus down on the razor blade. The same one from that night. A shaking hand moves over to it, guiding her to it. The feeling of the handle was like an old friend giving her a reassuring hug. Telling her it’ll be ok. She’ll be at peace soon. All feelings of trepidation were gone. It was going to be ok She told herself, but the voice wasn’t hers. It was distorted. Different. Michael, Rory, Ryan. The men in her life who had never done her wrong. The husband who saved her, the sons she abandoned once but loved more than life itself.

They would be better off

She swallowed, her eyes trailing up to the mirror, it was her. But her from years ago.

Hello Violet

The blade was pulled, she felt the release, she felt it. And it was all she needed. Freedom.

”Ali?”

Michaels voice. Pulling her back. Her eyes open, she shoots up confused. Her body is heavy and wet. Cold. Her chest heaving up and down as she looks around frantically. The room slowly comes into view. The television at the end of the room was off, the window was closed as the snow settled on the outside. Michael was asleep, his eyes shut, his short light brown hair messy with his beard. Alicia let out a sigh as she tried to calm herself down.

She slipped from their bed, her footsteps creaking on the old wooden floor. The door was open a crack as the light in the hallway was left on. She moved down towards the two rooms near the stairs heading down to the first floor. She stopped in front of one room, opening the door slightly with a smile looking at Rory, his leg hanging off the best, snoring loudly, scrawled all over the place.

The door shut again and she turned doing the same thing with Ryan's room, unlike his brother Ryan was wrapped up in his blanket, sleeping like a log, not snoring, just peaceful. She sighed and moved back down into the master bedroom before walking back around to the bathroom door.

She turned on the light and stepping to the sink, she looked into the mirror studying her face. It was her. Present day her. She let out a relieved breath and looked down. Her eyes trailing over to her wrist, it was still bruised and purple, she couldn’t breathe. Her chest suddenly stopped. Her hand started shaking again and she backed away from the mirror, her back touching the wall as she slid down sitting on the cold white tiles, her knees pulled to her chest as she looked up at the ceiling.

I’m fine

The Second Hurdle

”I told y’all”

The voice of Alicia Lukas cuts through the darkness, she steps forward and comes into view, she is in a large media room. Screens all around her flicker and stay on with distorted images. Right now we see ones from last week. Vinnie and Alicia teaming together.

”The mariachi wolves rose up and did what we do. Win. See Vinnie is, what I like to call, an opportunist. He knows how to look around and find ways to win. Much like myself. And hey, the match last week, Jake Sullican and Seleana Zdunich, they tried hard, I think Jake proved if he wanted to come back to SCW full time he could and would be successful, Kind of. See, he would still struggle against guys like Vinnie, Kris Ryan, Alex, Ben Jordan and Fenris. But, as a midcard talent? Well I could see Jake doing more. Seleana on the other hand?”

“Hey, I’ll always be a supporter of little miss Zdunich. She has heart, she has soul, she’s a competitor and will always be someone I watch and want to see succeed. I will never say she isn’t a threat or someone who could beat me or any of the other top women in this company. And anyone who wants to talk shit about her can answer to me, cause I’ll plant my foot so far up their ass that they’ll have to open their mouth for me to get a pedicure…”

She pauses for a moment with a smirk coming across her ruby red lips, behind her on the large screens we see Vinnie hitting his end of days finisher on Jake and pinning him.

”But, that was just the first hurdle in this tournament. I told everyone that if you look at accomplishments and current form Vinnie and I are the team to beat in the blast from the past. See, Vinnie is a guy who has shown himself as one of the best of the best. And teaming with him, well it’s just re-enforced all of that. He knows what he wants, I know what I want. And he and I will do all we can to get to where we need to be. As I said last week, it ain’t just about getting the rewards for winning the tournament. It’s winning the tournament itself for me. It’s going all the way back to the bottom of the ladder and using this tournament to claw my way back to the top. To remind everyone just what the hell Alicia Lukas can and will do.”

The screens flash again as Alicia puts her hands out to her sides. We see her holding the Honor Legacy title, the WWH women's world title, the Honor women’s title and the SCW Bombshells championship.

”Then again, I’m not the competitor I once was. Or, that’s what so many people want you to think. With the emergence of names in SCW like Amber Ryan and Maki and also the returns of Roxi and Courtney Pierce with Mikah it’s like my stock has fallen faster than Gamestops rose. I am a three time Bombshells champion, the longest single title reign yet my name is not on the tips of anyone lips. I’m not the “it” girl in SCW anymore. No, now it is Amber Ryan and even...Crystalina Zdunichroselton. I lost the title to Keira and she lost it right away to Crystal and what?...where is that title? Does it even matter now? You can say what you want about my title reigns, the shortness of the first one, the fact the second was so long that people resorted to saying I “held it hostage” to the third one where I lost to Keira….saying it didn’t matter...but atleast when I held the title it actually mattered…”

“When I was the champion I entered the Blast from the past. Where is Crystal? Why didn’t Keira enter to get a title shot? I lost the title to her and I didn’t take an auto rematch, I went right back to square one. Yet off she goes doing what I would get chastised, criticised and crucified for.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I could have said I wanted a rematch, I could have put my foot down and challenged Keira, I could have tried to get it back but I stepped back. I stepped away and wanted others to have the spotlight while I rebuilt myself from the ground up. And when push came to shove, Keira did what everyone else does, Keira did the selfish thing. So, now, well now my resolve is even stronger. Not just to win the Blast from the past and have that accolade but also to get a title shot, and go after whoever wins it….whether we have Keira and me, or Crystal and me...that’s what I am going to chase…”

The screens split, two images. Keira holding the title over Alicia, and Alicia holding it over Crystal. The screens then distort to just Alicia holding the Bombshells title again with all the pictures of the women she beat for and defended the title against.

”But to get there, to be able to stake my claim at a title opportunity and a moment to become a four time Bombshells champion I have to keep winning. Now, by itself that’s a hard thing to do but when you have to worry about a partner too it’s even more stressful, which is why I’m so happy to be teaming with a guy like Vinnie for the reasons I already stated. But, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about our second match in this tournament. Cause I think we’re facing the other team that could be considered favourites.”

“Cassian Reed and Roxi Johnson.”

“Cassian had exploded onto the SCW scene. An impressive guy who has that attitude to succeed. Yes Cassian I’ve noticed. You’ve entered SCW with a certain swagger and arrogance. But behind it, behind it is the most dangerous type of person. A person with a chip on their shoulder. I haven’t got the hows and why’s fivured out but I’m not blind or stupid. You are going to go far. And Vinnie would be stupid to underestimate you. You and Roxi were able to beat Slappy McGoo and Roxi’s own wife Keira. Slappy is a huge giant and despite his affable personality he’s a monster. And you were able to best him…”

“Vinnie is a big guy, a former world champion here and a guy who has done his best to be a star. So between you two, while my money would be on Vinnie, I know he has to keep his eyes open and not underestimate you.”

“Much like I can never and will never underestimate Roxi Johnson…”

Alicia can’t help but smile and laugh to herself as we switch to seeing Alicia and Roxi face to face with the Bombshells title between them,

”What can I say about you that I haven’t already Roxi? We have gone through the gamut of emotions, from respect to strong intense dislike. But through it all no matter what, as an in ring competitor I do respect you. And how couldn’t I? You have done it all, not just in SCW but in the wrestling world. You’ve taken time away, you’ve become a mother and have a happy relationship, you’ve been a world champion and have been respected by everyone. You had a series of mates against Amber Ryan that left me in awe, you’re a two time bombshells internet champion, a former bombshells tag team champion in team Hero and a three time Bombshells champion. And here you are looking to add the Blast from the past.”

“We have a storied history and it’s hard to sit here and get ready for a match against you, whether it’s a mixed tag, or just knowing you’re in a match against me, let alone one on one.”

“It’s not hard because I fear you or I’m intimidated Roxi, on the contrary, if I see your name on the other side of a match graphic I get excited as fuck and get pumped up in ways very few people can.”

“Nah Rox, what makes it hard to face you is the fact we have said and done so much to each other it’s hard to come up with anything new to say, or a new angle to come at this with. It’s just what it is. You and I both want the same thing, and we’re getting ready to try nand beat the hell out of each other to try and get it. You and to win the Blast from the past to have that honor like I do, you’re chasing a shot to become a four time champion, just like I am. I can’t say I’m going to beat you Roxi, I can’t.”

Alicia trails off for a moment and sighs heavily, the screens don’t change, this time it’s just Alicia, sitting on a stool, her hands on her lap.

”I’ve always been one to try and be honest, even if I have said something you don’t like your you bel;ieve is untrue or stretching the truth to me it has always been accurate from my perspective. And, I believe you have been the same way. I believe when you have said anything negative about me, about my record or title reign it has come from a place where you believe it’s true. And that’s fine, we all have those feelings. But this is always going to be bigger than any pettiness between us. This company, that title. Just like that title has been bigger than your marriage. You want to keep chasing it just like I do and the reason why I respect you is because of your tireless pursuit of it. The fact you love this business and you love doing this.”

“You lose and it effects you deeply, just like it does when I do. Because of how great you are. So, this week we face again, two teams, one goal. Winners live to fight another day and the losers have to sit back and watch the rest of the tournament wondering “what if?”. In the spirit of sportsmanship I’ll wish you both luck but you better bring everything you have and then some because Vinnie and I are coming for it...and we will bring hell with us…”

Family Matters

Being stressed is never good for a home life. Especially in the world of Pro Wrestling. You pack your bags, say goodbye to your family and go off to work, you spend days away from them, sometimes weeks. And if you have stress at work you bring it home. It’s not something that Alicia Lukas wanted to do. And usually she could handle it. No matter what she was going through, whether it was losses, or being sore, or an injury the second she would walk through that large wooden door she would forget it and smile.

She had her husband, her kids and her friends and family. But this was different. With everything happening at Wolfslair, feeling the awkward stress of a place that was like a second home. She had been on edge. Alicia still did everything she could not to take it out on her family. But earlier in the night she did, she snapped at Rory for simply putting a plate in the sink too loud. After a few moments Alicia realised she yelled and it was for no reason. Her heart sank, she felt like the world mother in the world.

She apologised, gave him a hug, then retreated upstairs to the bedroom.

And there she sat, on the end of the king sized bed, her head in her hands along with a tissue, tears streaming down her face as it all bubbled to the surface. The door opened, Michael Reynolds, her husband of two years poked his head around the corner, his eyebrow raised as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He got closer and Alicia looked up before shaking her head. Michael smiled warmly before dropping down in front of her, taking both her hands that were clasped together in one of his as his other hand came to rest next to her.

She wished she could just take all the stress away and put it in a box.

Atleast Michael understood. His hand tightened around hers, his thumb rubbing the back of her right hand lightly. She smiled lightly and took a deep breath calming down as the tears stopped. He tilted his head to the side and leaned up kissing her on the forehead. ”I take it there’s something upsetting you?” He delivered it in his usual warm way that had a certain dry wit to it. Alicia couldn’t help but laugh as Michael smiled again before getting up and sitting next to her on the end of the bed. Alicia stretched out her neck and it cracked loudly, her husband’s eyes lit up, not hearing something that loud in a while.

He slid back sitting behind her, his hands dancing up to her shoulders, his thumbs pushing on the base of her neck finding knots on either side of her spine, Alicia gave a small jump of pain as he pushed against the hard muscle. ”I think I’m a little stressed out..” He chuckled and gave a small nod as Alicia rolled her neck and started to loosen up.

”You think?, it’s a minefield back here.” Alicia chuckled and then winced hard as Michael found another, her chest shot forward as she let out a small whimper of pain. ”I’m not hurting you to much am I?. I need to get some of these out before you get in the ring and tear a damn muscle. That’d be a few months out.”

She groaned and sighed heavily. ”That might not be so bad the way things are…”

Michael stopped rubbing her back, he moved off the bed and around in front of Alicia, he slowly dropped to one knee again and shook his head. ”We had a conversation about that, you said you weren’t ready, but now it seems like you are miserable.” He paused for a moment waiting for her reply, instead she put her head down and stared at her hands, fumbling with the tear soaked tissue. Michael swallowed hard and groaned as he sat back onto the floor with his legs crossed indian style. ”Things have gotten that bad? Maybe you should think about changing companies”

Alicia put her hand up and shook her head slowly. Her voice was calm as she took a deep breath. ”It’s not SCW….the company is great.”

”Then what is it? Is it me?”

Her bright blue eyes shot forward right into his as she slid down in front of Michael leaning forward to put her hands on his knees and stare him right in the face with a small smile. ”It is most definitely...not...you” She kissed him and then sat back with a sigh. ”It’s Wolfslair. It doesn’t feel the same anymore. Everyone is on eggshells, you walk through those doors and the air is thick. Like just...pressure...you know?” Her heart ached, she hated the feeling and talking about it took her right back there.

Michael gave her a moment, he waited and didn’t want to break her concentration, until he realised she needed support, his hand reaching out to lightly brush her arm. ”Maybe you should train here more, or start your own gym. I mean you could volunteer to re-open the Texas one” She couldn’t help but smile and laugh, Michael was always so supportive, so sweet and was always willing to have new ideas and new opportunities.

But, he wasn’t a wrestler. He didn’t understand that life and didn’t get how rare it was to find people to train with and help and support in that way. ”I don’t want to abandon them. They’re like...family” There was a warmth in her voice when she said the words. Michael gave a small nod before standing up and offering her his hand. He pulled Alicia to her feet and wrapped his arm around her shoulder pulling her close.

”Family has fights…..Wolfslair will get over this one...just have a little faith...and patience” He was right of course. Alicia knew it, she felt it. But there was still that lingering black cloud over her head. A terrible feeling of dread and fear. That all of it would explode. And there would be sides that needed to be chosen. And nothing she could do about it.

Warriors

”I have made an analogy in the past about Mercedes Vargas. One that I personally think is apt and a little clever if not obvious. See professional wrestlers, are like gunslingers. It’s a young persons job, and if they made it to old age, you should fear and respect them. Because it means they survived that long in something so brutal. But, like gunslingers, wrestlers have no idea what it’s time to walk away. And they have no idea...which bullet has their name on it…”

Alicia points her hand like a gun, her thumb up, and as she slowly smirks the thumb comes down.

”And I get it, I do, no one wants to think their best days are behind them and as good as Mercedes was you can’t ever discount her out from doing something, anything of note. See, Mercedes could still shock the world, she co0uld go beat Myra Rivers and become the Internet champion, she could go and face Johanna for the Roulette title, hell she could beat Keira for the Bombshells title. But, would it last?. See, being a champion, being a star isn’t just about being good enough to win a championship, it’s being good enough to keep the other hungry wolves from your goddamn door.”

“And while in my heart I know Mercedes is good enough to win any title she pleases, keeping it, and keeping the wolves at bay? I’m not sure she has that in her anymore. And as I said before, this was never about dragging Mercedes down this was about helping her see reality. And for the most part I think she has. See the last time Mercedes and I went one on one she had this look in her eye, she didn’t care what I had to say, didn’t care about the match. She was focused on something else and had this delusional idea in her head where all she had to do was turn up to beat me. But, that isn’t what happened..”

“Mercedes has given me some respect so I will return in kind and admit that against me Mercedes has had more success than most.”

“It has been in multiperson matches and tag team matches, but she still has wins over me, that isn’t something a lot of women can say. But, as Mercedes brought up, one on one I’m not someone she has been able to beat. In Honor, in SCW, I have been the one to stand over her with my arm raised and I do not take that lightly. I am proud of that record...as anyone who actually knows wrestling should be…”

Her eyes blaze with fire, her red lips turn upward as she steps forward and slams her fist down on a table in front of her.

”I am proud of the fact I have beaten women like Mercedes, Roxi, Keira, Dani, Evie, Andrea. Shit even Crystal. I have faced and beaten the best this company has to offer from the last generation and this one and that isn’t something I just bring up to make myself look better. In fact bif I keep your name off that list it’s because you haven’t accomplished enough for me to care that I beat you. But, you’re right Mercedes, this has never been personal between us and it won’t be. I might occasionally take issue with things you say but I don’t hate you, I don’t even dislike you.”

“You love this business and so do I, and part of loving this business is waking up one day and realising this business does not love you back in the same way. It’s something I know, it’s something you know. That analogy before? We’re both older gunslingers Mercy. I might have more time left on the clock than you but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. I’ve been doing this for ten years and nI have been doing it at a very high level. Six years ago I walked back into the US and I started taking over.”

“I beat big names, mI hasd title runs that most people would kill for.”

“My personal life was splattered all over social media, there was a very bitter and public contract dispute with WWH. All things people know but I grew with it.  Nothing has stopped me, nothing has slowed me down and the thing that keeps me going as long as I’m able and feeling this way is the knowledge that you, people like you, are still going despite everything thrown at them. I am a veteran like you Mercy despite the fact I’m a decade your junior.”

She raises her hands off the table and paces back and forth running her hands through her hair.

”I didn’t want this to be about your age, I mean I did want to bring it up but I have talked more about that than getting to my point. See, even now, as I am trying to climb back up that ladder and remind everyone just how scary Alicia fucking Lukas is and you are trying to remind everyone who Mercedes Vargas is nto and that you can still hang with the best, this match matters. We matter. You are a hall of fame star and I know, and you know I’m destined to be in there too. We are two women who have held gold almost everywhere we have gone. We have beaten people who told us time and time again that we weren’t as good as we believed ourselves to be.”

“And now here we are ready to face each other again.”

“It isn’t the first time, and part of me believes it won’t be the last. But this match is scary, because we are both motivated. Motivated by the same goal to make sure the current champion, and everyone else who seems to have forgotten about us stand up and take notice. The sad part is only one of us can win. Only one of us can stand up at the end of the match and be declared the winner. And as I start to build momentum towards the Blast from the past tournament it has to be me.”

“This isn’t about me trying to end your career or ruin your little comeback, put up or shut up story Mercedes. This is about professional momentum and courtesy.; Two women who need the win, two women whose names matter. And not just in Sin city but world goddamn wide. You were right when you said a match against me is one you can really get up for because one with you is the same. I never have a problem going out there and giving my all against you and that should scare people. They should see this match and watch what we do to each other and be in fucking awe of us…”

“So, Inception, Alicia Lukas versus Mercedes Vargas...lets light up the skies and give a performance that the wrestling gods themselves will be jealous of….”

Square One

The time off had been good for her.

After a hectic 2020, the uncertainty of her job and the world at large, through political protests, human rights discussions and the pandemic hanging over everyone in the United States and the world at large it felt good to just come home and relax. Following Sin City Wrestling’s final show of the year Alicia hopped on a plane traveling back to New York City. Home of the main Wolfslair gym and where she lived with her husband Michael Reynolds and her sons Ryan and Rory. It was her turn to have them for christmas and what a time she had.

The pressure was off. The hard work Alicia had put in to comeback from injury paid off with a successful yet brief third run as SCW bombshells champion. And now she was ready to come home, to decompress and rebuild back up.

Her final match had been at Climax Control 286. It was right at the beginning of December, and after that match, she was ready for the time off.

She flew home, she walked in the door, put her gear bag down and let out a deep breath that had felt like something she had been holding in for months. The next month went along without incident. Alicia’s brother, mother and sister all came to stay for Christmas. They laughed, they smiled, they ate till they were stuffed and exchanged gifts. It was everything Alicia had wanted, everything she needed to make her life on the road justified. But as the new year came and went, Alicia knew she had to get back to work. Her first workout back, getting ready for anything SCW could throw at her, was at home. January 2nd, Wolfaslair was not open till January 6th, she sighed and took a long deep breath.

The first warm up, the first set of weights, all of it ached, all of it felt like more of a fight than she had been in the last few months.

She panted hard, sweat dripped from her body making her long blond hair stick to her shoulders. Alicia was blown up and she knew it. ”You really meant it when you said you wanted to start from scratch” She couldn’t help but smile as the voice of Michael Reynolds, her husband and business manager rang out through the door of the gym. Alicia turned towards him as he stepped in, his hands sliding into the front pockets of his jeans.His hair a little longer than normal, going from a short light brown to a wavy dirty blonde, and a five o’clock shadow that had turned into a beard.

The things covid imposed lockdown will do…

She smiled and gave a small shrug as she picked up two weights one in each hand. She took a few breaths and started pulling them up in unison towards her chest over and over, controlling her breathing and grunting with each repetition. Michael moved around her, his hands moving up to touch the gear, he too used the home gym to keep in shape, with one final deep breath pushed out Alicia finished her workout putting the dumbbells back on the rack, Michael reached down and picked up a towel handing it to her. Alicia just smiled warmly as Michael sat down on the weight bench. ”Almost time to go back….” She gave him a small nod. She knew what was coming. ”Are you sure you want to?”

Alicia sighed heavily and toweled herself down. She swallowed hard and moved to sit next to Michael. They had this conversation before. When Alicia first returned home. She looked beaten down, tired and in need of rest. Maybe even a normal life. She briefly thought about ending her career. Briefly. ”You know, for a minute I didn’t. For a minute I just wanted to call them, tell them I wasd done.” Michaels hand drifted over to hers, Alicia wrapping her fingers in with his giving her husband a small smile. ”But, I still have alot to offer, alot to do. So, I can’t.”

Michael sighed and squeezed her hand. He understood, he always does.

”I’m only 29, I turn 30 this year, I have so much more left in the tank and I-”

He put his hand up, he smiled and leaned in giving Alicia a kiss on the forehead. ”I know. I understand. But, if you want to have another child…” He trailed off. Alicia’s heart sank. She knew what Michael was getting at. The clock was ticking, as much as she didn’t want to believe it as much as she wanted to hide and ignore it. Even with medical science coming so far, Alicia only had a small amount of time left to try. And she knew it. ”You know I’m in your corner Vi.” She chuckled to herself and smiled, Michael got to his feet and turned holding out his hand to help her to her feet.

She stood up straight, her arms feeling heavier than they should as she winced. A small laugh coming from under her breath. ”It’s not june yet is it?...cause I already feel like 30 is biting me in the ass.” She walked passed Michael, he tilted his head and gave a small smirk, clearing his throat.

”From this angle you barely look 25…”

”HUR HUR HUR” She shot him a smile, Michael winked and stayed behind her, Alicia got a small confidence boost. But still. She felt sore, tired and now a reminder was put in her mind. The clock was ticking. On her career, and personal goals.

A knights tale

She sat cross legged on the floor. She pushed her back up straight and her chest out taking in a long, deep breath before pushing it out just as slow. Her bright blue eyes opened as Alicia Lukas forced. A small smile coming across her ruby red lips as her right eye twitched and narrowed, a black paint stripe under it across the top of her cheek, a trademark of her time in the ring.

”New year, same ol Alicia Lukas.”

She chuckled under her breath, her long hair tied in a bun as she straightened out her legs and stretched before pushing up to her feet. She wore black workout shorts, a pink and black crop top and her wrists were taped as she shook out her muscles and rolled her neck.

”I say that ‘cause, it’s true. I love my life, I love what I do. I love my family. I work hard and I continue to improve and get better year after year. A scary prospect for most of you since, and I know this is going to sound egotistical as hell, I’m better than you. And look, I am not hiding it. I know it’s a cocky thing to say but, where I differ from people like, say, Jesse Salco, is that when I say I’m better than most of you. It’s true. I have been since I signed my name on the dotted line in Sin city wrestling. And from that moment my name has been in lights, close to the main event and the top title. I had no time to grow into my surroundings, to work my way up from the bottom.To “pay my dues” as some people seem to put it.”

She can’t help but laugh, her arms folding over her chest as she stops pacing and shaking out her muscles, her face turning serious as she clears her throat to continue, a lot seems to be on Alicia’s mind.

”There’s a saying, the cream always rises to the top, right?. Well, I rose to the tp fast. I didn’t do it because I was favored, I didn’t do it because I begged for preferential treatment. I did it because Mark and Christian recognised talent when they could see it. They watched Honor Wrestling and even before SCW and Honor merged they courted me. They wanted Alicia Lukas in Sin City Wrestling for a few years prior and I always had other commitments that stopped me. So when I did walk into this company I did so with the knowledge that the men and women in charge knew for damn sure who the fuck I am.”

“And the worst part was, that I have been hated and vilified for it. From Mercedes Vargas, to Roxi Johnson to Bobbie Dahl. I have been run down and dragged through the mud for simply being a goddamn talent. So, when I got hurt, I had goals. I wanted to beat Bobbie Dahl, I wanted to win back the title and I wanted to prove I was just as good now as I was before. And I have to say, I accomplished that mission. But then…”

“What was next?”

“Where was I supposed to go?”

“Well, I came up with the idea to do exactly what people like Mercedes, Roxi, Andrea, Bobbie and Jesse seemed to want me to do. I wanted to go back to square one and restart again in the new year. I wanted to walk in like I didn’t have a name ot a past. I wanted to just be...Alicia Lukas. But as it happens with life...things often don’t go as you expect. Cause as I have been reminded of so many times by people digging through my past...you can’t escape it.”

She sneers, her voice drops an octave and there seems to be a growl in her southern twang, her eyes narrow and there is a pure unfiltered anger that bubbles from deep in Alicia’s stomach.

”See, my final match of 2020 was against Jesse Salco. A woman who makes a habit of putting her foot in her mouth, saying outlandish things and never learning her lesson. Jesse Salco is the perfect example of someone not learning from her past and being doomed to repeat it. It’s a vicious cycle. She runs her mouth, acts like her losses never happen, she gets beaten, rinse and repeat. But, I refuse to be a victim to my past. I refuse to let it define me. I am a champion, I am someone who has been looked at as dominant. I am someone who has garnered the hatred, ire and vitriol of my fellow Bombshells.”

“But, I am not going to lean into that and let them shame me for what is about to happen.”

“I’m not looking at shooting my way up to the top, I still want to start at the bottom and work my way up and in a way I already started that process by wiping Jesse Salco’s blood off the sole of my boots and taking what was left of her goddamn soul from her body.”

There is a small pause, a chuckle from under her breath and a wink from her right eye directed at Christian Underwood.

”I’m done trying to justify my actions to any of you. So, when Christian asked, I said yes to being in the 2021 Blast from the past tournament. And this is my way at working my way back up to the top, I will either get a male counterpart who will DO HIS JOB, or I will drag a two hundred pound bag of shit to the promised land. Cause that is what I do. But, before the tournament starts, before I can start beating women like Roxi, Amber and others. I have to go one on one with Alice Knight in what many would consider to be a dream match. And I get why. Alice is a plucky go getter, a woman who has dragged herself up from obscurity to be a real darling in the wrestling world.”

“She has respect, she’s won championships, she had a pretty face and a smile that lights up a room and she has been nothing but a sweetheart to me whenever we have spoken. In fact I dare say, I like Alice Knight. I respect Alice Knight…”

“But…”

“I question her devotion to wrestling and to this company.”

“Alice is someone who has been in and out of SCW and wrestling for the last few years. She turns up, plods around on social media with people, has a few matches then goes off into the ether. And for someone with so much potential as her, that is sad and a mistake on her part. And since she’s been back in Sin city she hasn’t been able to really push herself forward as a contender or as someone any of us should really worry about. I mean sure, Alice might pick up a win here and there, she might worry someone or get6 close to a title shot...but...close isn’t good enough.”

She shrugs and sighs heavily before stepping forward and slowly sitting back down on the weight bench to her right, her hands clasping together.

”And Alice, I’m not saying this to be mean or to pick on you. When I go after people like Jesse, Bea Barnhart or Violet Amelia Holt it’s because people like them genuinely feel like I am wasting my time on social media promoting a match or cutting a promo against them or even, turning up to beat them. But with you? I can see the potential, I see what others have seen when they look at your OCW run and what you are capable of stringing together. But you haven’t been able to do it in Sin city. And despite the fact that I lost the Bombshells title to Keira and I’ve dropped back a little...well..”

“I’m still Alicia Lukas…”

“I’m still the first woman to win wrestler of the year, I’m still a former three time bombshells champion and someone who holds records in WWH, Honor wrestling and SCW. I’m still one of the best wrestlers in the world and until you can step up and realise that potential we have all seen Alice, well, you won’t step up to me, you won’t beat me and on Climax Control I will have my hand raised in the air again. People will whine, people will complain and you may have a line of bombshells ready to pay you on the back and spin you a tail of big bad Alicia Lukas “killing” the division again. Those same people will HATE that I’m in the blast from the past and they will whisper and bitch and piss and moan. I hope you won’t join them Alice.”

“I hope this Sunday you step in that ring and show us all the same Alice Knight that ruled OCW, not the Alice Knight who has limped through every match she’s had in Sin city and then tucked her tail and run….because I want...the real Alice Knight…”

Cult Of the Wolf

Success as a concept is dependent on your own ideas and goals. Your idea of success may be completely different than someone else's. When you come to your last day on this earth and you are forced to look back on your life, will your own self worth and visions of success be your own? Or will they be poisoned and polluted with the ideals of someone else and their grand vision and plan for you?. When your life and happiness is measured against the possibilities of what you could have done or the responsibilities others had placed on you, which way will the scales tip? What favor will your family, faith or government ask of you?. And how much of yourself should you sacrifice to keep it all alive?. Life has a funny way of presenting paths and we as a hole have coping mechanisms in place.

Three years ago Alicia Lukas had been presented with an opportunity. A question asked on how to change her life and become part of something greater than herself while also raising her position in life and gaining meaning as well as something she had always lacked. Professional support and family. At home she had her brother, her sister. And now she had a man in her life who understood. Even her sons as young as they were, had become her biggest source of inspiration and drive. But in her professional life she had never had that kind of support or challenge.

Until now.

A few weeks ago she was presented with an opportunity. Alex Jones had come to her, he said his peace. He laid out his plan and vision with his sister. And asked Alicia to become a part of it. She didn’t fully know what to expect. But she knew she had to leave Atlanta. She had been there a few years rebuilding her life. And even as she made mistakes in her love life she had flourished in the ring. Money, fame, championships. They all came to her. But this opportunity. Wolfslair. It meant she had to move. She had been splitting her time between Atlanta and D.C where Micheal had lived. But this chapter, this commitment. It meant she had to leave and relocate to the bustling metropolis of New York. A fact that angered her mother. Micheal had pledged to follow her, to build a life there with her. A level of support, love and faith she'd never had. But deep down there was a feeling of guilt. She hadn’t left Atlanta on the best of terms.

A few weeks earlier

”What do you mean leaving?”

Barbera Ann Lukas. Alicia’s mother stood in front of her. She was flustered. Angry. Frustrated and in her mind, completely justified. Her long hair was held up and behind her head in a silver hair clip, her make up done impeccably and she wore a blue sundress with a white flowing sheer shawl over the top. She sighed and shook her head as her hand moved up to her temples rubbing them looking to be in pain. ”You have a home here, the boys are in school. And you’re now going to run again?” her reaction wasn’t surprising. Barbera always tried to control her daughters. They both rebelled, both pushed away. But they did love their mother.

But Alicia needed this. And she knew it. She had her arms folded over her chest. Her eyes covered with black sunglasses as they stood in her mothers rose garden. The irony was not lost on Alicia as she looked over at her younger sister Zoey, whose non-wrestling birthname was in fact...Rose. ”I’m not running.! And you’re acting like I’m going overseas again. I’m goin up north.” Alicia sighed and shook her head. She could feel her own anger rising as she and her mother stood face to face. Alicia and her mother could not be more different, Alicia stood there in a cut off black Metallica shirt and cut off daisy dukes. Her long hair flowing down her shoulders and back. ”It’s not like we ont visit! Abs you can come see us! And go shopping in Manhattan..” There it was, Alicia knew how to get to her mother. Always a silver lining.

Zoey couldn’t help but laugh under her breath as Barbera's ears seemed to twitch. She folded her arms over her chest and grumbled, and in that moment mother and daughter looked more like and acted more alike than either of them were prepared to admit comfortably. ”I still don’t agree Violet!” Alicia’s nostrils flared, she twitched as if she had just been hit by a bullet she heard her name said out aloud, and in such a harsh manner. ” I have saved you too many times, I have bailed you out of bad positions over and over again. But not this time. This is your mistake and you will own it and pay for it. Barbara stormed off, pushing past her oldest daughter, looking over at her youngest who had to hide the mild indignation of enjoying her older sister step up and stand up to her.

But those words echoed in Alicia‘s ears.

Even as she got on the plane, even as she hugged her sister and her mother goodbye as they stood in the domestic terminal. All she could think of was those final words in the rose garden. Even now, a few weeks later after arriving in New York, moving into her new home that she was sharing with Michael. She had bought a car, she had signed the contract and was working for a new company as well as training at the gym. She had used it as fuel, fuel to push herself towards her own goals and her own success. Fuel to become who she was always meant to be. But now, instead of doing it by herself she had a support network. She had people who loved her and respected her, personally and professionally Alicia Lukas was no longer a lone wolf. She had found her pack.

Sweat poured down her face, her long blond hair was stuck to her body as she took long deep breaths in and out. In the past Alicia was challenged and became better by facing the best in any company she was in. It helped her improve week in and week out, but her progression stalled. Because iron sharpens iron. But now at Wolfslair, it had become a war of attrition. Battles took place inside the gym, she got in the ring and tested herself against new faces and names, people who she didn’t know and didn’t have time to study, as well as Charlie and Johanna. Two of the best women’s wrestlers in the world. It was only going to make Alicia better, and God help anyone else who was going to step in the ring with her.

Fairytales

Have you ever seen a modern day fairytale unfold?. Have you ever seen anything that would make you question your own cynicism?. Alicia Lukas stepped into frame. Her hair done up and curled wearing a a long flowing pink dress adorned with sparkling diamonds.

” ladies and gentlemen, in this world of uncertain times and horrible instances of corruption, it is important to remember that there are good people out there. People who are struggling in their day-to-day life but you also step up and decide to be the best that they can be. You see, we all live in a world where the idea of a fairytale is an abstract concept. Where people believe that nice guys finish last, and that happy endings are reserved for those who can pay for it. But there are some people, who decide that they want to control their own narrative, that they want to be the paragon of their own story. They want to put their best foot forward and give everyone something to believe in, that they can overcome the odds and become the hero. Hero, that word in and of itself is one of the most overused terms I have ever heard in my life.”

Alicia shakes her head, a small smile comes across her lips as she holds up her hand abs snaps her fingers. We pull out to find that Alicia has changed from the puffy pink gown with, let’s be honest here, probably fake diamonds, to wearing black skinny jeans. Torn in strategic places, black and red converse, and a black and grey Parkway Drive shirt. Her hair is now normal, flowing down her shoulders and back.

”Now, here we are back to reality. A reality that someone like Keira doesn’t really live in. See you, you have your own story to tell. One that you are shopping down the throat of everyone who will listen to you. You believe yourself to be a hero, much like your wife does, but neither of you actually know what that word is. Or what it means. If you are with someone who goes well above and beyond their own constraints, a hero is someone who does things for the greater good not just for their own selfish gains. You are trying to do everything for your own selfish gains. We all want to believe that we can overcome anything in front of us and that we can become the best of what we choose to do. And what we choose to be. That is what you believe isn’t it? Keira?.”

“And I get it, I mean I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t dislike you. I don’t hate you. Part of me even admires and likes you. Most of the time you are a kind person, you love and enjoy what you do and you don’t normally have an unkind word to say about or to anyone.”

“But you live in a world where only your story matters.You live in a world where everything is a fairytale.“

“From your marriage to your friendships. To your career. You think that coming after this championship and winning is going to be some amazing victory for everyone. You think it is going to open up the heavens and people are going to sing your praises and the angels are gonna say that everything is alright with the world. But the truth is, the only two people on this earth who actually care about you and this championship are you and Me. Your friends say that they will and so will your bean headed wife but the truth is that this match only matters to two people. And this, this is reality Keira.”

She hold up the bombshells championship, the nameplate shining with her name on it. Her hand wrapped around the leather strap tightly as she then pulls it over her shoulder holding it tight.

”You live in this world where you were the protagonist, meaning I’m the villain right?. Okay, I’ll live in this fantasy world with you for a moment and pretend that I’m a horrible person keeping you from your goal. I elevated this championship up, I made people want it. The first time I want it off of Danielle Western, the championship already meant something, but I took it to the next level. Then I lost it due to means that won’t even my own, and the title instantly lost a little bit of its shine. So I went out, I want it back, and very slowly match by match, win by win, record my broken fucking record, I made the championship mean something again.”

“Now, I am going to say something that many people will probably not agree with, something that won’t be very popular and may hurt some people’s feelings. Not everyone can be the world champion. Not everyone can reach the top of the goddamn mountain. This championship is not something that should be held by everyone.”

“You may want this championship Keira. But wanting something doesn’t mean you should just get it.”

“Are you good enough to win it? Absolutely. But, are you good enough to actually make it mean something? Or is your win going to be a fleeting moment of happiness, one that makes you smile, one that gives your wife an excuse to gush all over social media?. Or the start of a dynasty?. Do you remember what happened last time I lost this championship? I do. I remember clearly. I watched as your wife lost the championship, I watched as it got passed around, I watched as more women held this title in less time than my entire reign was. I watch this championship become a trinket. All because everyone had to have a turn. So if I have to be the villain of your stupid little story to keep this championship relevant? Then just call me maleficent, bitch.”

Alicia pauses for a moment as a smoke comes across her lips. She looks at the championship then back forward again.

” But that’s the issue isn’t it? One persons hero was another persons villain. You put your heart out there and you told me your story and laid your soul bare. Thing is though, when it comes to me and what I say in these pre-match promos, when I talk about my opponents I try to lay it out more as facts. Because those are what matters. See Keira, I can admit, like I have many times before, that you are a great talent. You can get in the ring and you can win matches and you are more than capable of beating me. But if we look at this logically, if we look at this without any of the emotion involved without your soul baring story that you are deciding to use as a personal narrative, I beat you 99 times out of 100.”

“I have been the best for so goddamn long, and it’s a constant fight. It is a constant fight for me to stay relevant to silence people who will try and drag me down because they are too lazy to lift themselves up, but you aren’t like that. You aren’t someone who tries to drag me down to your level, you are trying to pull yourself up and for that reason alone I can respect you. But I am still one of the best in that ring, on a microphone, in the world.“

“I’m sorry honey, but your little story means very little in the grand scheme of things when it come to High stakes and this championship. It isn’t relevant to the match.”

“Do you know why? Do you know why personal stories and opinions don’t matter? Because everyone has that story. Everyone is the hero with their own fucking narrative Keira.”

“You are not special because you have personal struggles.”

“Even if we lived in a world where the outcome of the match was all predicated on the struggles and wants and needs of someone in their personal life, you still wouldn’t beat me. I am a single mother who lived through abuse, I am a person who watch their father walk away from me. From my family. I ran away from a horrible situation to put myself in a worse situation all chasing an idea of something that didn’t exist and as I sat there, at rock bottom, losing everything, I picked myself up. I picked myself up and I dusted myself off and I came back and I scratched and clawed for everything. Through horrible relationships through abuse through daddy issues through psychological trauma I went through it all Keira.”

Alicia’s voice cracks, she clenches her jaw together to stop herself from showing too much emotion. She takes a drawn out breath closing her eyes before releasing it pushing out all the emotion.

” I became a champion, I have a happy marriage, I have two beautiful kids, and I am not going to allow you to twist this and make me the villain in your little story. This isn’t about your personal issues or mine, this is about a professional wrestling match, a professional wrestling championship, and this is about me proving everyone wrong again and proving that I am indeed still the best professional wrestler to step in the ring as a bombshell in this goddamn company. You can do everything you can to try and stop me, you always have a chance, but I’m not gonna let emotions sway me or anyone else…”

“I have records to break, fans to bring to this company and new challengers to face. Even with all I have done, the truth is I have only just started. And everyone should be afraid.”

Judgement

Have you ever been waiting for an answer to a question and it felt like your heart was going to explode?. Have you ever been terrified of a decision that ultimately was out of your hands? Have you ever known your life was about to change completely in the space of 10 minutes or less? That’s what Alicia Lukas was being faced with. But it wasn’t really Alicia a Lukas was it?. Alicia was her stage name and a persona that she showed the world. Alicia was confident, arrogant and could be brutal. This was Violet Maxwell. And she was completely different. Here, sitting in this courtroom, waiting for a judge to either give or take her children, Violet was close to tears.

Alicia wouldn’t feel this way.

That is all the brain through her mind. Like some kind of mantra. Alicia would not be this upset, she would not be sitting here with her arms in her lap holding herself like a scared child. Alicia would not have let her ex fiancé sit there and blatantly lie about her. She would not have broken down into tears as she detailed the abuse she went through for years all the while wondering if the judge was actually believing her or thinking that she was some kind of opportunistic liar. Alicia and Violet were two very different people. And she knew it. She hated it. It made Alicia feel sick. In Japan she discovered her voice, she worked hard and became a star. She walked out in front of thousands of people and earned respect. Respect of her trainers, other wrestlers and fans.

But here, back in the United States, back in her home state and country where very few people knew who she was or cared, she felt like a nobody. And there were eyes on her. Her own attorney. Her mother, Ronnie, Ronnie’s attorney. They all stared at her and she could feel it in the pit of her stomach. She felt like she was going to throw up. She felt her stomach even her body changed. It seemed to built-up fever pitch when she heard it, the click of the lock on the door behind the front of the court room.

Everyone stood up as the judge turned around the corner. He took his seat and sat down and everyone else did the same. Alicia was breathing in and out fast, the hands of clammy, she felt uncomfortable in her dress. Uncomfortable where she was sitting. Uncomfortable that everyone’s eyes were on her. She could barely make out what the judge was saying, she was shaking so hard I’m so nervous and filled with anxiety. ”The last few days we have heard a list of disturbing things from both sides.” Violet swallowed hard keeping down her breakfast.

Bacon, eggs and sausage was a bad decision.

She closed her eyes tight and focused on her breathing. Her head throbbing and aching. ”And while I cannot verify or find proof for or against the claims made by either party, I can look at the actions and passionate pleas” She could feel her heart racing, hear the beating in her own ears. Her chest erupted, her body tensed up in ways she could never imagine. Her mother reached over grabbing and squeezing her hand. It helped. ”While the children have been cared for by their father, the evidence that he had knowingly and systematically attempted to erase their mother from their lives is unacceptable. So it is of the opinion of this court that Rory and Ryan Maxwell must be returned to their mother Violet Maxwell for full custodial rights..”

She burst into tears. A weight was lifted. Her mother reached over pulling Violet into a hug. Barbara started crying, the first time she had ever seen her mother cry. There was a bang of the gavel, Violet looked up at her lawyer with a tearful smile. Mr Barnett smiled back. ”Thank you.” He gave a nod and picked up his briefcase. Violet took a long deep breath, she looked over at Rinnie. She couldn’t help but smile as he tore shreds off his legal team. His arms flailed, his voice cracked. Violet sat back and looked over at her mother. ”We won….they’re coming home momma.”

They got to their feet. Barbara hold her daughter‘s hand and led her from the court room. They made their way around and outside. As they started to walk down the steps Violet stepped and looked up at the building that she had grown to hate. But now, it was a sign of hope. Violet took a long deep breath, but as sge exhaled the confidence and power returned. Now she felt like Alicia fucking Lukas. And nothing was going to stop her…

Can’t chose your tag partners

”This is so exhausting. Being me.”

Alicia slowly looked up with an exasperated sigh.

”Can I ask a question? Where are my challengers at? Hm?. My defence against Keira was announced with the caveat that I may not be champion by High Stakes. So I said, anyone who wants a shit, just come at me. And then? Silence. When Evie was champion she was calling bombshells out and had bombshells all over her, I became the champion, for the third time, and all of y’all lose your voices. You become silent. A silent majority. Where’s Andrea?. Where’s Roxi?. Where’s Amber? Shit, at this point I’d take Violet Amelia Holt or Bea Barnhart. But nothing, not even Jessie Salco! So now, I’m going into the match with Keira basically cold. Cause I haven’t been booked in anything. Right up to this week. But, before I get into this weeks match and how much of a joke it is, I just want to remind every single one of you bombshells out there that you have had a month to challenge me, and you haven’t, so none of you can whine about my title rain since none of you have the fucking balls to do anything about it.”

Alicia shakes her head and pulls the SCW bombshells championship title up and over the shoulder holding it tight to the chest. The long blonde hair swept over one side of her face has it dangles down just like many of the promotional pictures.

”I’m sure some people must think I’m ecstatic at this match. Because I’ll be teaming up with my fellow well champion. So the whole if I hold up my end of the bargain so will my partner thing should come into play right? The only problem is that doesn’t happen with Jack Washington. Before his match with Alex when he became the world champion, Jack left his partners high and dry because he didn’t feel like teaming. And, that really is a problem because what we have here is a fundamental difference in psychology and understanding when it comes to this business and what it’s about. I’m in professional wrestling not just for money or accolades, I don’t just want to be famous, I want to be the best. I want to finish my career with the highest amount of wins that I can possibly get as opposed to losses. And unfortunately in matters like this that means I actually have to care what my partner does and doesn’t do. And since he doesn’t like teaming with people, and since he prefers personal glory over actually winning improving himself to be a champion, I’m up shit creek without a goddamn paddle or a fucking canoe”

“And I get it, we have this whole champions versus challenges mindset. That’s great that’s just fucking peachy. What would it have killed Mark and Christian instead of doing this knowing that it was going to screw me over, to just team me with Austin?. Instead of teaming with someone who I know, I respect, and I know will actually turn up and do his job. I have to team with an arrogant self-righteous man child who has no idea what it is to actually be professional or champion. Thank you Mark thank you Christian it’s so nice of you when you deliver these things to me. And before anyone gets any bright ideas about me complaining about this match, I’m not complaining about the match I’m complaining about my partner.”

“Because I don’t trust him not to just leave me hanging.”

“The one saving grace about this match is the fact that it’s mixed tag. So if Jack does decide to tuck  his tiny little balls back up into his stomach so they become ovaries and leave it’ll still be one on one because then it’ll be me and Keira. But this is supposed to be a tagteam match. I’m supposed to be going into this match knowing that my partner is going to be there ready to take on my opponents partner. I’m supposed to be going into this match knowing that we are going to be tagging in an out in some kind of conducive work. But I don’t know that. I don’t trust him. And I really should be able to, I should respect my partner. After all this is a guy who is the current world champion. He or someone who beat my mental and my friend and the leader of our stable. I should be able to stand here in front of all of you and say I respect Jack Washington.”

“But I can’t, and I don’t. See when he was going against Alex he decided to bring me into it, he brought Austin into it and while Austin will still sit there and show him respect because that’s what Austin does I want. I have worked years to be where I am and even in just this company I have become a star and I am a sure fire Hall of Famer. And when I’m teaming with someone who not only doesn’t respect that but downright pisses on it? You can assume that I’m going to be a very very bad mood.”

Her eyes narrow, she shakes her head and sighs heavily trying to calm herself down.

”now where does that leave Austin? I put in this very strange position where I’m gonna be on the other side of this team but I kind of want to watch Austin beat the crap out of my tag team partner. But if you take my dislike for Jack out of this then we are still left with the fact that Austin is one of my friends. I want him to succeed but that means me succeeding and winning this match affects him. I have to beat someone that I actually care about. It would be the same with Alex was that would be the same if Johanna was on another team or my opponent. And Austin spoke about it last week, momentum. This is the first chance I’ve had to actually be in the ring for a long time. I don’t know why I haven’t been booked, I don’t know why I haven’t had any matches but it just happened that way. So I need momentum going into this match. But sodas Austin. He needs momentum going into a match with Jack for the world championship. He has a chance to become a two  time champion.”

“And me winning this tag match could disrupt that. He could get in his head and play with his preparation. And I don’t like that feeling. But the competitor in me won’t allow it to happen. I can’t sit here and not give my all and Austin knows that, just like I know he’s going to get in the ring into everything he possibly can to beat Jack Washington down and win the match for his team. That is what you have when you team with someone from Wolfslair. You get someone who will put personal issues aside and just try and win the match. We can dislike our partners, even hate them, but we will put that aside to do the right thing. And that’s even more true for someone like Austin. In a world where certain people keep saying that we all sound alike? Austin is someone who is different. Alex will win at all costs, Johanna is an angry and dangerous bitch…”

“And me?. Well everyone knows the kind of person I am.”

“But Austin is, well he’s all about honor. He’s all about respect. When Austin gets beaten he doesn’t get mad, hell Kedron cheated to be him, and Austin didn’t get mad. He just kind of shrugged it off and said that next time he would watch a lot more closely and wouldn’t fall into the same trap. When I lost the bombshells championship the first time, when Crystal whacked me over the head and Seleana pinned me,  it was Austin who pulled me aside, sat me down and told me that there was no point in getting angry about things that I could not control. We then went and trained and talk some more and by the end of it he had me so confident insuring my abilities that I knew I was not going to make the same mistake twice and that if Crystal came anywhere near the ring while I was having a match I would knock her three ways from Sunday and still be her wife. That is the mentality we have, that is the family that we have. And Austin is a part of that family, he is the heart of the family. And it makes me feel horrible that when I get in the ring this week...I have to break that heart…”

She shrugs but you can see the sadness in her eyes. She clutches the bombshells championship closer to her chest as she stares ahead. Alicia very slowly snaps out of it and looks back up with the camera, she’s a consciously moves the strap of the title belt out of the way so everyone can see that she’s wearing black and red Wolfslair shirt

”You get to benefit from this don’t you Keira?. Think about it, I’m stuck with the selfish world champion he doesn’t like being in tag matches, he will walk out on his partners when he feels like it, and you get the guy who is so honorable that he would never do such a thing and will watch your back despite not really liking you. Now, I’m not gonna comment on our match that should be happening at High Stakes, that’s what is going to happen when we get to that. I’m not even gonna comment about the whole seven deadly sins bullshit that’s floating around everywhere. Again that’s something that I’m gonna drag out under the bus when we are not facing each other. No, instead I’d like to talk about the fact you have this big match coming up and you seem to be more preoccupied with something stuck in your brain and your own wife and Candy than the title match coming up.”

“It takes one look on social media or on the actual shows to see where your mind is at. And this whole thing with your wife and Sin and Candy it’s maddening to me Keira. For so long you’ve wanted a title shot.  Not just for any title you want of the title shot against the top title. You kept trying the entire time I was champion last time, and you repeatedly failed, this time though you get your title shot and instead of focusing on that and preparing for that, there’s all of this distraction. All of this inconsequential, bullshit. If you face me and any type of match, whether it be this tag team match or a one on one match you need to have a clear head and a complete understanding of what you’re going to be putting up with when you get in the ring with me. And the Fact you decided to go out there on Twitter and say that you were going to make sure I stay champion, like I need your help, shows that there is a fatal misunderstanding here of this dynamic. So let me explain it to you nice and slow so that even someone like you can understand.”

“You are the challenger. The challengers job is to challenge with the title. It doesn’t matter who the champion is, they just have to turn up and do their best when it comes to winning a championship from the champion, which would be me. My job as the champion is to make sure I stay the champion for as long as I possibly can and to make the championship mean something. I do that by cutting promos on TV shows, by mentioning my title and getting people to tune in on social media and by winning matches. That’s my job. But to do my job I need you to do your job, and what is your job?”

“Is it to constantly talk about this Sin character? Is it to laugh while your bean head wife cucks you on Twitter every Wednesday?. I’m not sure you even know how to be a proper challenger because you’ve never had to do it. But now you do. And as we go into this tag match, you’re going to have moments where you can get information about me. Where you can learn how I act in the ring, you are going to be able to have experience against me and information. And if you’re actually focused you might learn something. Focus on me, don’t focus on the bullshit around you, focus on me, the champion. Because I don’t want a weak challenger, how am I supposed to make this championship mean something again when I don’t have a challenger who actually knows what they’re doing?.”

“So get prepared sweetheart, go talk strategy with Austin, meet myself and Jack in the ring. And let’s see if you actually learn anything or if you’re too blinded by the stupidity in front of you.”

Lies and Slander

Do you know what it’s like to have to sit and listen to someone lie about you?. Do you know what it’s like to have someone sit there and slander your name in front of the world and everyone else and have to stay silent? This is what Alicia Lukas had to do. She sat silently in a hardwood chair in a court room in lower Atlanta. Earlier that day, her own lawyer sat down and grilled her. He asked her questions about everything. From why she left, the plans that she had, what she did in Japan, who she slept with, all of it and embarrassment in an invasion of privacy.

They entered the court room earlier, Alicia dressed in a straight Conservative looking blue dress. She felt like an idiot. Her mother dressed in a matching one that was purple. She looked across the room looking down the eyes of her ex-fiancé and father of her sons Ronald Jeffery Andrews the Third. He sat there looking as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. His hair immaculate, his big brown eyes looking up at the judge. A custom suit over his body to finish the aesthetic. It made Alicia's stomach churn. Knowing what he was really like and knowing that he was able to completely hide it behind all the bullshit.

Things dragged on. The judge listens to different character references. But it didn’t make sense. They paraded out Alicia siblings, they spoke highly of their sister. Then they paraded out Ronald’s father, his mother, all of his cousins. Every single one of them giving glowing references about how kind and generous Ronald was. How he was a great father. An upstanding member of the community. The real mudslinging had yet to begin. But Alicia and you was coming, she felt it in her stomach. An uneasy feeling that she was about to be paraded out in front of everyone in the world and called all sorts of horrible things.

She took a deep breath in and closed her eyes, she had to look away from Ronnie and she had to try and forget where she was. For everything that Alicia had been through, the abuse she had suffered before moving to Japan and taking control of her life, at this moment she felt like that same 18-year-old girl who wanted to end it all. Then she felt it, a hand wrapped around her sitting on her lap. She opened her eyes and looked down to see her mother’s hand. Complete with a comically large diamond ring. But the fact that her mother was there, that she had her back. That was different. It was new. And it was needed.

Ronald stood up and walked around the desk to take the stand. He looked up at the judge and gave her a night as he took his place. His lawyer moved around standing to the side, in front of the judge with his hand sitting in front of Ronald. “Mr Andrews. For the last 3 years, who has taken care of your young sons?” Alicia‘s heart sank again, she closed her eyes but could still hear his voice.

“That would be me.” He was so confident, sure of everything. And what was worse? He technically wasn’t wrong. Alicia had sent money, she had spoken to her boys over the Internet, or over her phone. But she has not been there physically for her sons. The fact that had torn her up inside and made her feel terrible. But it was something that was needed in her life and was better for them in the long run.

He looked over at Alicia, right in the eyes. She moved backwards slinking down in the chair. Her mother Barbara squeezed her hand and turned sideways shaking her head. Alicia knew what it meant. She needed to stay strong. “Why do you believe you should have full custody over your sons Ryan Andrews and Rory Andrews?” Hearing the words out loud, knowing what Alicia was going to lose if this went through. It hit her hard on the chest, harder than any hit she had taken while she was in Japan. Harder than any shot from anyone in the ring.

Ronnie cleared his throat he adjusted his tie and he put on the act. His eyes whitening as his eyebrows went up, small tears forming in the corners. His voice even slightly broke as he began to speak. Alicia was going to throw up. “Violet she….she abandoned us. In the middle of the night she left me and our sons. There was no explanation.” He swallowed hard, he looked down at his hands. He took a deep breath and shook his head looking back up at his lawyer and then over to Alicia. “I didn’t care about me. But our boys Violet...you abandoned our boys!”

She took another sharp breath in, this time holding it in her lungs. Her hands gripping her mothers as hard as she could. Barbara reached over with her other hand tapping her daughter on the leg, Alicia realised she was squeezing her mother‘s hand too hard she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. Trying to keep down the disappointment, the anger, and the guilt.

Ronald’s lawyer moved around to the other side. He now had his back to Alicia and her mother and their legal team. “And what do you believe Miss Maxwell did while she was gone?” It was a simple question, Alicia tilted her head waiting for the answer. The evidence was all there to show that she had been working, that she had been sending money back.

Ronnie again cleared his throat and put on the act. ”Honestly, I don’t know. But you have to understand violet was always a wild child. I’m sure she had her fun”. Alicia‘s eyes widened. She went to stand up but her mother grabbed her hand and make sure she stayed put. The anger started building, started burning in her stomach in her veins. She knew where this was going.

[color=;imegreen]“Her fun? Can you elaborate Mr Andrews?”[/color] There was a small amount of silence. A moment just long enough to make everyone in that room think that Ronnie was morally struggling with answering the question.

But then, he said it. With all the power and emotion behind his voice to sound like a hurt and betrayed ex fiancé. “Fun. Sleeping with other men, drinking, whoring about.”

“YOU LYIN SACK OF SHIT!” Alicia stood up, she shoved her mother‘s hand away grabbing onto the banister, she yelled as loud as she could. The judges gavel banged three times and Barbara quickly pulled Alicia backwards. Alicia looked at her mother who again shook her head.

“Order please! If Miss Maxwell can not control her temper she will be escorted from the court till she is called.” The judge looked down her nose at Alicia, she was an older woman perhaps in her mid-50s. Her long hair had turned salt and pepper colored long ago and was tied back in a smart looking bun. Alicia took a few deep breaths and slowly sat back down. “Please continue.” The judge gave the all clear to Ronnies lawyer, Ronnie shot a quick grin at Alicia that made her heart hurt.

His lawyer cleared his throat turning to Rinnie to keep going with their lies. “Mr Andrews. Do you believe Moss Maxwell is a good mother?”

He stuttered, he looked down and took a long deep breath. He was so good with his act. He should have been an actor. “I know she loves the boys. But no. She isn’t a good mother...she’s barely a mother.” Alicia went to stand up again, this time her mother was way ahead of her, turning to hold her down. The judge looked over and raised an eyebrow, Alicia took deep breaths. She knew her lawyer could ask questions and soon.

It would be her turn to speak.

The Choice

Her television flickered as Alicia watched the footage. Passed matches between herself and Evie. A bottle of beer say on her table as her eyes stayed fixated to the screen. She studied every single move and moment. A small growl coming from her lips as she watched herself lose. Alicia reaches forward and grabbed the beer, taking it down. She quickly grabbed a second popping it open

“I’ve been dominant for a very long time. And I get it, you’ve all heard that before right?. You’ve all heard about my rain of dominance, you’ve all heard about what I’ve done to most of the division. Most of you saw it, watched it, some cheered for it, others booed. But, have any of you actually found the answer as to why?. Have any of you actually watch the matches, studied what happened, what my opponents did wrong and what I did right? This what you were seeing me do, is the difference between myself and most of the roster. You listen to 90% of these women talk and it’s quite clear that none of them actually go back and watch their matches, none of them think about the mistakes I’ve made, agonise over them, none of them care. They just go out do what they need to do, and think that it will be enough.”

“But you see, that has never been what I’ve done. I sit here and study myself, my opponents, and if we faced each other before our past meetings. Most of the time, it’s just me watching myself beat the hell out of people over and over again. And I’m sure some of you are wondering why. Why would I continue to watch matches against people that I have dominated. Women like Crystal, Seleana, Mercedes, Kate. And the answer to that is simple. Because they could beat me.”

“Anybody can beat anyone else on any given night.“

“That is why I do this. That’s why it is my entire life. I travel to Vegas, I wrestle my matches, I train with all of my friends, I spend time with my family, and then I do this. I shut my door, and make sure the blinds are pulled, and I watch wrestling. This is what I do. I don’t have any other hobbies, I don’t go to concerts, I don’t play video games, I don’t really watch movies. I occasionally watch football, but the Falcons have sucked for a while so I don’t get a lot of joy there. My joy in life comes from my family and from wrestling. I have given my all into it, but I also know that just because I give my all into it, just because I’m one of the best to ever step foot in a ring, it doesn’t guarantee me a win. It doesn’t mean that I will just become a champion because I want to wish it into existence.”

Alicia slowly gets to her feet, she moves around the small glass table sitting in front of the couch. She reaches over and turns off her television. She stands in front of it with a few deep breaths before turning back and continuing.

“Everything is a struggle, everything you do in this business is all predicated on the idea that you will still need to get better every single day. Because if you do not get better every single day, if you do not learn, if you do not grow, you will get left behind. That is what has happened to Mercedes Vargas. That’s what’s happened to Crystal. That is what has happened to so many other names have come and gone from this company. But that will not happen to me. I am a two time bombshells champion, I have had one of the most dominant runs in history, and I refuse to fall out of existence, and become a nobody.”

“That is one of the reasons why I have chosen this match. It all goes back to the fact that anyone can beat anyone else on any given night. I could be in the ring with someone like Jessie Salco, and nine times out of 10, actually, 99 times out of 100 I walk out of that match with my hand held high and my name being called as the winner. But that one time I’m not, if I have a lapse in concentration, or she gets lucky, that one time could be during something big.”

“Now, I understand the show is called violent conduct. I understand everyone else is probably thinking of these elaborate stipulations where they want to rip each other’s heads off, and there’s going to be blood and guts.“

“But truth be told, I believe that myself and Evie Jordan deserve better than that. Even after her comments on climax control. I still believe that she deserves the respect of everyone in this company. The thing is, Evie needs to learn something here. You can never deal in absolutes. You can never deal in certainties. Evie  says she respects me, but she wants to say that the result and outcome will be the same when she and I face which other at violent conduct? Sure, you can say that it was just a shot at the fans Evie. Because they seem to hate you being champion. But you and I know the truth. You are lying to yourself.”

Alicia shrugs, she moves back across to near her sofa before leaning over and grabbing her be moving around to the window taking a long drink out of it. She size heavily interns leaning back against the wall and falling her arms over her chest.

“Not about your confidence. Not about how good you are. Not even about respecting me, because I know that you respect how good I am in that ring. But you don’t respect my claim as the best in the world. And that’s a problem. See there is a problem to me because even though you are the champion, you have not proved that you are better than me. We can take the triple threat match out of it, we can just look at our two one-on-one matches. And they were so close. They were so competitive and they were real and they were pure and they were everything that I love about professional wrestling. you can call what you’ve done the comeback of the year, you can tell the world how great you are, but no one did what I did.”

“No one, stepped out from the backstage area, and down to that ring, performed like I performed on such a high level. And I’m not gonna sit here and say that you are a great professional wrestler Evie, because you are. You beat me in a one on one match and that is a very hard thing to do. Beating me at any type of match is a hard thing to do. I failed to stop you from feeding Andrea Hernandez and that allowed you to escape to another match with me. And then you beat me there too. So don’t you think for a second that I don’t respect you or don’t think that you can do it again and beat me. Because I do. That’s why I chose this match.”

“it will provide me with an answer.”

“The question is simple. Which one of us is better?. Due to your comments, about how the outcome will remain the same, I get a sneaking suspicion that you think you’ve already found the answer. And I guess that’s the difference between us isn’t it Evie?. You think you have all the answers, you think you know everything, you think you’re the best, you think that you are going to be the champion for as long as you want to be, and as much as you do you respect someone like me you are always gonna feel threatened by what I did. Because you have a fear that deep down people are always going to look at you as second best.”

“But me? I’m always trying to find a new answer, from a new question.“

She pushes off the wall, the top of her mouth on the right side slowly twitching into a smirk. How I was travelling over through the room to the far wall, all of her past championships hung up on the wall. She clears her throat and turns her head, her bright blue eyes staring forward.

“And violent conduct people see everyone else feeding the snot out of each other, they will see blood they will see guts but when you and I step in the ring Evie it’s going to be about competition. It is going to be about the current champion, and the former champion, stepping in the ring to see who is better. But we’re gonna see one person who thinks that the end of the match is a foregone conclusion against someone who knows what it takes to step up and destroy expectations.”

“I’m not stupid, I know that you could beat me. I know that you could go into this match and they could be five falls and you could end up winning 3 to 2. I know that you could walk out of violent conduct with the championship held high and then I honestly don’t know if I would ever get a shot of the championship while you were the champion ever again. The truth is I’m not even sure I will deserve it, the only reason why I’m comfortable going against you in this match, is because of what I did to 8 other women to get to you.”

“They all had their chance, they all had moments where they could have thrown me over the top rope. They all had moments where they could have taken that championship match and gone after you. But they failed. And I’m not going to apologise for proving that I’m still the best. I’m not gonna apologise for looking forward to violent conduct and looking forward to getting my hands on you. I’m someone who is always chasing a moment, the challenge, and you are both.”

“Let’s dance.“

Bleed it out….

It had been a rough few weeks. Since Summer XXXtreme. The match ran through her mind over and over again. What could she have done differently?. What was the reason for her loss?. Questions everywhere but very few answers. So, she did what she always does when it’s time to refocus and reboot. She threw herself into the gym. She threw herself into working out and into improving her body. But it was always more than that.

Alicia arrived early. Not just before any of the other members, before any of the owners. Alex and Sonya had given her a key long ago, she arrived and opened the large roller door lifting the metal up as it coiled behind the wall above. She took a long deep breath in and smiled. She felt comfortable here, she felt right. Even as the virus ravaged the world, and the greater United States, things had started changing, getting back to a small amount of normality.

She could travel, she could stay with her family, she could train at her home gym. These were all things she had taken for granted over the last few months since returning from injury.

Humans are creatures of habit, we gravitate towards the comfort and the familiar. Even though Alicia had taken herself out of her comfort zone many times over the years she had always craved stability. From when she was a little girl to now, she needed a stable home life, a stable friendship base. Things she had at home. The smell hit her, first thing in the morning. The cleaning products that had kept everything sterile. Even before the pandemic Alex always made sure they cleaned at the end of the day.

”Take pride in the gym, take pride in yourself” She muttered to herself, It was something Alex had said many times, but also something that had been said to her back in Japan. A mantra of respect and honor. Things that were instilled in her from day one of starting down this path in life. Back to basics. Back to the grind. She turned the lights on and smiled placing her back down at the side. She was in her gear, the aic con was on, the music was on and Alicia was in the workout room, the weights sitting around her.

She hooked her legs at the end of the bench that was tilted at a 45 degree angle, holding a fifty pound plate to her chest and started doing sit ups. Each one using her core to push herself up as sweat started to drip from her body to the mat beneath her. The music seemed to drown out the rest of the sounds, her grunting, the movement of the bench she was laying on, all of it. Even the footsteps of the next person to arrive.

His voice broke through the focus. ”How long have you been doing that?” Alex smiled and shook his head, two coffees in his hands. He placed on down near the machine, Alicia could smell it, the caffeine, the shot of hazelnut flavour. She sighed and moved the large metal plate over to the floor, reaching up to unhook her legs from the top of the bench. Alex moved around and sat down on the nearest bench taking a sip of his own coffee. Alicia sat on the floor, her legs crossed as she drank her own.

She couldn’t help but smile. Coffee made her happy. ”You know me, After a win, I’m here early, after a loss...I barely leave.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. She was right of course. Alicia had always been that way. ”You know it wasn’t your fault right?” She looked up raising an eyebrow, ”The loss, things happen, and Andrea is a variable” A small smirk came across her lips as she slowly nodded. She knew he was right But it still wasn’t an excuse. Alicia never liked excuses. Even if they were valid. ”You really haven’t changed. Not one bit since I met you kid...a blessing and a curse being this good…”

He pushed to his feet and moved out towards the office, his coffee in hand. Alicia took a long deep breath in looking down at the top of the coffee up, her finger danced along the plastic rim as steam billowed from the slit in the top.

Her mind flashed back, 8 years ago, Tokyo Japan. A young Alicia Lukas sat on her knees, her back straight. She was next to three other women, all Japanese and men lined up next to them in ascending height order. Her long blond hair was tied back with a few small pink accents throughout. Her bright blue eyes stared forward, a large purple bruise visible on her cheek. There was a loud clap and the trainees all stood up, they gave a small bow and everyone but Alicia walked out to the outer area and to the kitchen to eat.

Alicia though moved around the gym moving mats, rolling them up and making sure the ropes were wiped down in both practice rings. She sighed and cleaned the turnbuckle pads before jumping down off the apron to the floor. She had left one ring untouched, she slid in and moved around it, feeling the canvas beneath her feet, the plywood, the cabled ropes. Alicia closed her eyes and smiled before taking off hitting the ropes over and over again, putting her lead arm out to pull herself against the cables and back again, she suddenly stopped and changed angles before rolling and popping back to her feet.

But she wasn’t alone, a pair of eyes were watching her, his arms over his chest as he stepped towards the ring with a laugh. ”Everyone else is eating” Alicia startled and turned, it was Alex Jones. A young fellow american wrestler from texas who had been a pro for about five years. He was six foot tall, athletic and had long dark hair with blond streaks and piercing green eyes. Alicia bit her lip, she was 19 years old, had been in japan a few months and had only got her foot in the door because of her father.

”You know how it is. I’m not    Japanese, and I’m female. Double the sin, triple the work” Alex chuckled. She wasn’t wrong.

Alicia had turned up with her bag, a few dollars and a name of the head instructor, a man who had known her father Jason Maxwell. The seven foot tall american kaiju. The gym took her in, let her train in exchange for cleaning. She had to pay her dues, they went hard on her. There were no promises in the ring, no promises of training or glory. And definitely no preferential treatment. Her cheek burned, a reminder of her position in the gym. Beneath everyone else. A lesson learned with an errant elbow, a receipt for her own careless mistake.

Alex moved along the apron, his hand reaching out to move his fingertips along the canvas. Alex had been announced as a guest for a few shows, leading a contingent of stars from New Championship Wrestling. Their farewell tour as the company was going to close in a few months. Alex sighed and looked over at Alicia.”You want to show me what you’ve learned?” The question caught her off guard, her jaw dropped and she swallowed hard. This was not the same Alicia we know today.

She had the blond hair, the bright blue eyes and the smile. But there was no arrogance, no battle hardened ring IQ, she was still five foot six, but was barely a hundred pounds. She had no muscle, no power. The curves and muscles we see today were a year or two off beginning. This wasn’t Alicia Lukas. This was Violet Maxwell, debutant daughter of Scarlett Justine and Jason Maxwell. A 19 year old rookie…

”Sure.”

She smiled, she panicked. What the hell did she say?. What did she agree too?. Why would she agree?. She pulled herself onto the apron, stepped into the ring and looked Alex up and down. They locked up, before she knew it Alex had her wrist, he had ducked under and spun around behind her. He wrenched her arm up into a hammerlock, Alicia tried everything, she tried to turn into it, Alex moved his legs to the outside, she tried to duck under and grab his leg, Alex stepped back. Alicia was frustrated, she was panicked. And then it happened. She threw her arm back, connecting with the side of Alexs head, he was off balance, Alicia spun, wrapped her legs around his and took him down with a drop toe hold.

It was basic. But it was effective.

Alicia got to her feet and stepped back as Alex smirked and stood up with a nod. ”Not bad. Considering you’ve been doing this six months, maybe less.” How did he know?. Alicia looked confused as Alex slowly leaned back on the top rope. ”Keep it up, don’t quit. Your effort, everything you’ve done...it hasn’t been unnoticed. Good luck...I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other again.” He held out his hand, Alicia took it and as Alex slid from the ring Alicia couldn’t help but smile.

The easy way

”I sit on a gilded throne…”

Her voice was soft, low but still audible. A small exhale followed as Alicia tilted her head sideways. Her long hair flowing down her back and shoulders from under a black bandana. A small flash of a smile betrays her true feelings and intentions. Bubbling beneath the surface, beneath the smiline, the painted red lips and the youthful looks was an anger and frustration. A self loathing feeling buried deep in her stomach. Anger at herself. Frustration at her failures.

And also, anger at how the story was unfolding, frustrations of a forced narrative.

Alicia sat with the light off, her hands clasped together, her legs crossed under her body. She moved her head sideways staring down at the light coming from her phone, the record light was on, she knew she had to say something, anything. But fort the first time in her life, the former champion and dominant force was speechless. She had nothing prepared. Nothing in her mind. No sheet full of statistics and facts ready to be read from to prove her points. This was an unprepared Alicia.

Time to speak from the heart….

”If you believe what some say about me, I am a pampered prissy little diva. Handed opportunities and titles based on my looks and my ability to politically maneuver myself into positions of power. Talking my way into people's minds and bringing them down to the point of failure. So that before the match even happens I have already won half the battles before the war. I have this ability to twist and turn facts into my favour, to verbally dress down people and break them into a million little pieces. So before I even step into the ring with them, they are broken, battered, bruised. Their egos, destroyed and their self confidence eaten and digested.”

“Part of that is true. Part of it is a game plan. But at the same time, there are a lot of misconceptions. And I’m going to prove, right now, that there is nothing, any of you can say about me, this is as bad as the truth. And as horrible as my story and past.”

“They think I had it easy….and members of my family..well they really did…”

“My mother, grew up into a family of money. She was a pretty little bird in a cage. Given all she ever wanted and desired by a doting mother and father. They spoiled her, showed her with gifts, affection and words of affirmation and all she had to do to keep her position was do all they wanted. And for twenty two years, that's what she did. All thew way till she met my father. Jason Maxwell. A seven foot tall, blonde haired blue eyes mound of muscle, a former college star football player turned wrestler. And...cupid struck…”

“My mother and father had five years together, three children and a lifetime of anger, regret and blame.”

Alicia’s nostrils flared, her heart sank as she talked about dear old daddy, she looked over at a picture of him, from his younger days. His long hair flipped to one side, a grin on his face, his hands up and a two sweet sign flashed. She shook her head and buried the anger down.

”My mother took the easy way out. Instead of sticking with my dad, following him so myself, Josh and Zoey could know him, she went back to her parents, to the money, to the easy life. Great role model eh?. But of course, I’ve had it easy to right?. I got to grow up with my grandparents' money and take the easy way too. I took the easy way out when at sweet sixteen I was set up with one of my grandfather's friends' sons. I took the easy way out when by 18 I had two sons and I was a teenage mother living off my very very abusive boyfriends dime…”

“And I certainly took the EASY way out when I stood in the bathroom, looking over a sink filled with hot water and a goddamn razor in my hand. I took the easy way out when I made the decision to get out of the country in the middle of the night, go to Japan with twenty five dollars to my name. I had it EASY getting my head kicked in every damn day in Tokyo. I had it easy coming back to the states, falling into abusive relationship after relationship because of my own mistakes, having to earn back my kids trust and also finding my father only to lose him to a goddamn heart attack just after I got married…”

“Explain, explain to me how any of that...was easy….”

“I don’t tell you all this because I want to be looked at as a pariah or have people feel sorry for me. I’m telling you this because I want the reality to sink in. Into every single one of you. That there is nothing you can say to me or about me that is in any way, shape or form worse than what I have gone through or thought about myself in the past. See, real power is being able to look at your past, and not let it repeat itself. Because time, history and actions...all move in a cycle. And to be able to break that cycle, well, that shows true spirit and power…”

She nods slowly and sighs deep, her anger still bubbling unjust under the surface, her mind focusing from herself and the admissions of her own shortcomings to that of the future. And her showdown with Evie Jordan, and the championship she wants so desperately in her hands again.

”This entire story, the whole narrative is built behind arrogance. But, it’s the wrong type of arrogance. See, everything, from the attitude of those around me, to the backstage officials and their talk, all the way to the synopsis leading into my and Evie’s match this coming Sunday is all predicated on the belief that I think Evie didn’t beat me at Summer XXXtreme. That I believe that title still belongs to me. And Sin City Wrestling is putting words in my mouth.”

“Go back and listen to what I said before Summer XXXtreme. I told Evie she needed to validate her championship reign and show us all that the win over Andrea wasn’t a fluke. I told her that beating myself and Andrea was the key to restoring honor and prestige to that championship. And, that is all I wanted. The two ways that the title was going to become what it needed to be and find its way back to the main event as the crown jewel of wrestling was either by being in my hands at the end of the night, or by Evie Jordan beating me, and walking out as champion…”

“That is how you fix the title, that is how you remind everyone what that title means after the clusterfuck of what Roxi, Christina and Andrea did to it.”

“But, I didn’t say Evie had to PIN me or make ME tap to beat me. Now, the entire wrestling world is patting us all on the back for the match we had at Summer XXXtreme and so they should. We went in there and we put it all on the line and at the end of the night Evie walked out holding that title high. She deserves to be celebrated for that, she deserves her time in the sun and her time to gloat and stamp her feet and proclaim that she is the best professional wrestler in the bombshells division because two weeks ago on the cruise ship…”

“She proved it….”

“Evie Jordan is the champion, Evie Jordan is the best and Evie Jordan can scream it from the rooftops and now, well now it’s up to me to prove her wrong and to take that title and indeed the throne back. And there’s all this talk about how I wasn’t “beaten” at Summer XXXtreme and it would be so EASY to play into that. It would be easy for me to stroke ,my own ego, to look into the little camera on my iPhone ands record and scathing, arrogant self righteous promo and tell you all how it was a fluke and that one on one she can’t beat me and all the things I’m sure so many of you thought you’d hear from me…”

She leans forward, her voice softens, all the anger has been released, the frustration thrown out for the world to see and hear. Her body language relaxing as her shoulders drop and her breathing returns to normal, the bubbling fire setting aside to her own realisation in the face of admissions of guilt and failure.

”Evie Jordan can beat me, she had beaten me. And this week you should all tune in, but not because I can guarantee I will walk out as champion. You should all watch...cause I CAN’T guarantee it...and that...that should excite you….Evie..lets go to war…”