Session 10: The decision to return

“Why did you come back?”

The question hung in the air, it made the air suck out of the room and everything seemed heavy. The weight of it pushing down on Alicia‘s chest and shoulders, almost making her slouch standing up. For the first time in a long time, she was speechless. In the past, while talking to the good doctor she would take a moment, ponder any questions that the doctor had, and then come up with an answer. One that was well thought out and true. But this time, there was a mental blank. There was no simple answer to this one. The reason why she left was very simple, survival. I need to get away from someone who is destroying her mentally and physically.

But the reasons why she went back when not as simple as one would have you believe. She could have lied, she could have simply said it was her children, her family, unfinished business. Her own moral compass guiding her home.

But there was a very good chance that the doctor would see right through that answer, that she would tear it apart and Alicia would be left standing there bare and ashamed that she tried to lie to someone who had been helping her through everything.

Her bright blue eyes closed and she took a long deep breath in.

“Pride”

The word was out there, laid out for Dr. Whitlow to see. Not the answer that she was expecting, not the answer that anyone would expect. Pride is often something thought about in a negative way, that it can hold you back from being humble, and true to yourself. Sometimes it is even seen as a stop to being a good person. Pride, after all, comes before the fall or so they say.

Dr whitlows eyes had widened, her pencil state clutched in her fingers. She didn’t write anything down, instead, she tilted her head and leaned forward looking Alicia up and down ”Pride?”. She repeated the word back to her as if expecting Alicia to change what she had said, to go back on her answer and come out with something more acceptable or easier to understand. But the answer never came. “Pride over what?”

“My own failures…”

She paused again, staring out into space and almost losing herself in the moment. The doctor knew when to stay silent and let Alicia work things out for herself in her mind. She took a sharp inhale in and shook her head as if coming out from a daze. “As a mother, as a woman, as a person.”

Dr. Whitlow gave a small nod of understanding, jotting down a few things on her notepad before clearing the throat and sitting back on her chair “Was it hard to leave?”

Alicia swallowed, turning away from the doctor. She ran her hands up over her head and through her hair before turning and sitting down on the edge of the couch. Her elbows balancing on the end of her knees as she leaned forward and put her head in her hands. She slowly looked up, interlocking her fingers together, balancing her jaw on her thumbs against her fingers. “More than anyone could ever understand.”

She closed her eyes. She could hear the hustle and bustle of Tokyo in her ears. It was different in so many other cities that Alicia had been to. It was different than Atlanta, different than New York, different than Toronto or Los Angeles. Tokyo sounded different, it smelt different, it felt different. Alicia loved it, the bright neon lights, the tall skyscrapers that were also surrounded by small arcades with video game machines and Plinko machines.

The smell of sushi and Ramen filling her nose, all of it was something that she missed. And it was something she loved.

She had a small apartment, it was cozy, it was something that she was able to buy after a year of working. Saving all of the money while sleeping on the dojo floor, cleaning and sweeping the mats even after she had started doing shows and earning money. She sat on the floor, a bowl in her hands. The smell of chicken broth filling the small lounge room. She smiled looking at the television having picked up enough Japanese to really start enjoying a lot of the TV shows.

Her eyes moved over to her kitchen bench. A stack of unopened mail sitting there.

She slurped her noodles, drank the broth, and sighed heavily as she got to her feet and moved over towards the kitchen bench. There was one letter that she had avoided opening. One that had been sent from the United States. She picked it up, looking down at it and sneering. She closed her eyes and shook her head putting it back down before moving the ball over to the sink, the sound of the porcelain bowl hitting the metal at the bottom rung out through the apartment.

Her nostrils flared as she felt the anger rising up. She turned on the ball of her feet and stepped over towards the letter again, she picked it up tearing the side and pulling out the piece of paper on the inside. She took a deep breath gliding over every single word. It was an update, a letter from her mother explain to her that things have happened in her absence. What had happened with her children, and the fact that her ex was now trying to get full custody. Cutting Alicia out of their lives seemingly forever.

She could not let that happen.

Any extra money Alicia made, things that she could send them, pictures, videos, all of it. Despite their young age she still took care of them, she still wanted her sons to know that she loved them and was going to help provide for them no matter how much their father wanted to cut her out of their lives. No matter how much money he had, Alicia wanted to make sure she contributed to their lives. But this was too far. She had to go, she had to go back to the United States, back to her mother, back to a world where she was nothing, treated like a nobody. Abused and hurt.

She put the letter down and swallowed hard as she looked over at her phone, she gave herself and not looking into the mirror across the apartment. She looked so different. She’d been in Japan almost 2 years, a year of full-time work and all the training that went into it beforehand. It transformed Alicia Lucas. When she arrived she was a skinny, timid, mentally and physically weak child named Violet Maxwell. The woman who she was now?

Was unrecognizable.

She picked up her phone, flicking it open, and going through to her address book pressing a few buttons before lifting it to her ear. She heard the tones, a pick-up. A voice.

“Hi..Mom”

“Did it anger you?”

Alicia shook her head, sitting back up again after laying down to get more comfortable. It helped her recall details, emotions. He put her back in the moment, it was where she needed to be to make sure she could get through this.

She cleared her throat and folded her arms over her chest “I wasn’t angry. I was upset, upset that I felt that way. Upset that it took me so long to realise I needed to go back and be with my sons.”

“You realised it. There is nothing wrong with that. Or being afraid.” Alicia slowly nodded, looking down at the floor before relaxing a little, her body language showing that maybe the doctor had gotten through to her. “You have made a lot of progress. We can pick this up next time” Her smile was warm, caring, and happy. Alicia stood up and smiled back, staying silent as she moved out into the hallway.

Ruby’s a riot

“Don’t any of you dare say that I didn’t warn you. For months I’ve given every single one of you ample opportunity. Opportunity to realise what I’ve been trying to do for this division since day one, that all of you have turned your backs on. Every single one of you was guilty of it, even those of you who I considered friends and ones that I have respect for. You have all been guilty of turning your backs on what makes professional wrestling great.“

Alicia turned her nose up, shaking her head. Her long blonde hair was tied back away from her face as she felt her arms over her chest.

“It wasn’t just Ruby that I want, it was everyone. I want you all before I faced Kiera. I told you not to push me, I told you not to get on my bad side. See for months years even, I was smiling and acting like the leader for the division. I want to drag every single one of you kicking and screaming to the top of the professional wrestling mountain. I want it every single one of you to realise that you could be the best in the world and to fight to become it. No holding back, no taking second-best as a positive. I wanted the bombshells championship to me more than the sin city wrestling world heavyweight championship, and when I held it? It was..”

Voice is strong, the body language powerful as she points her finger downwards to exclamation point of what she is saying. Alicia‘s bright blue eyes burn as she stares ahead and slowly smirks.

“I told every single one of my opponents that they could beat me, all they needed to do was believe and none of them did. They all fell to me and instead of thanking me, instead of coming back and working harder to beat me and be the best, all I got was jealousy and hatred. All I heard was that I was holding the bombshells championship hostage. After I got injured I went away I came back and I had three goals. I wanted to get revenge, I wanted to win back that championship, and I wanted to get people to admit that I was the best in the world.”

“And I was able to realise the first two goals. I beat Bobbie, I took back the championship, but not one of you could bring yourselves to admit that I was the best. Instead of being celebrated for coming back from that injury and for still being at the top of my game I got hated and pushed down, I got told that I didn’t even deserve to get that championship shot to begin with. And then when I got beaten for that title, you’re all so happy. You celebrated the fact that I lost. And up until Amber becoming the champion, that title meant nothing.”

“She has brought it back to prominence“

“But then, every single time I try to move away from the bombshells championship, to give everyone else a chance to shine in the spotlight like apparently they wanted, I would get drawn back in because even management knew there was no one else. And all that got me? More hatred, more jealousy, more comments that I didn’t deserve.“

Alicia throws her hands up in the air with an exasperated sigh, they slowly slide into the front pockets of her tight-fitting black jeans with tears all around them, as is the style of the time, perfectly covered by black-and-white classic looking converse hightops. But her body? Covered with a brand-new red and black Alicia Lukas franchise T-shirt.

“So then what? Where did we go from here? Well I wanted to go out there and have my moment in the sun, I wanted to unburden myself and tell all of the fans and the people in the back how I felt and why I was in such a horrible place. But that moment got taken away from me. Courtney Pearce decided to come out and steal that moment from me and make it all about her. She decided to shift the spotlight from me, the person who rightfully had it, to her. All because she wanted it. So, I used her as a warning to the rest of the division. I used her as a message to every single one of you.”

“It seems like none of you listened. But there was one person who seemed not to listen even more than the rest of you, instead of just ignoring what I had to say it seems like Ruby steel has put her fingers in her ears and start clicking her tongue so she could not listen to a goddamn word I have to say.”

“I looked Ruby in the eye and I told her she doesn’t deserve to be in the ring with me, I’ve got Ruby in the eye and I told her that if she took this match, if she kept chasing me, something very bad was going to happen to her.“

“Did she listen?“

Alicia shrugs and shakes her head very slowly, she lets out a small half and her breath before rolling her eyes and continuing

“Of course she didn’t.“

“Even after she kept on trying to chase me and cost me matches I still warned her. All the way up to the show right before violent conduct. I told her I wasn’t going to lay a hand on her, and I told her that I was going to hurt her. I gave her the conditions for me to ignore what she did and forget that she did. And she didn’t listen. I kept my word, Joanna attacked her. I didn’t. And even after that, even after that morning Ruby steel is going to go through with this match. At the most violent super card of the year. In a glass tables match.“

“A match where I don’t need to pin her, I don’t need to make her submit, to win I have to take Ruby steele, and drop her body through a glass table. Just think about that for a moment.“

Alicia pushes up to her feet and walks around, her fingertips slowly glide around the circular glass table that is sitting in her hotel room. A thick glass panel, sitting on top of an ornate looking twisted metal pedestal, painted gold.

“Think about how much damage a normal wooden table can do to the body. Your body hitting that wooden breaking it, before hitting the mat, wood shards and splinters all around you, scratching you, nothing about a glass table. Think about it shattering and all of those tiny little pieces of glass hitting the mat and then pushing themselves into your skin scraping, scratching, inserting itself. You think about the pain that you were going to go through, and then you think about the fact that I have absolutely no remorse for anything that I’m about to do to you Ruby. Your girlfriend started this, you decided to continue with it and ignore everything I said. Everything I have ever tried to tell you”

“Well, now you’re gonna listen to me.“

“You and every single other woman in this company is going to take notice of what I have to say and you are going to respect me and listen to me. And when I am done, when you are laying in a pool of your own blood and shattered glass and you were going through more pain than you have ever felt in your life and you realise that you not only failed yourself but you failed Courtney, you are going to look up at me, stare me right in the eyes, and you are going to thank me.”

“It’s the way of the world Ruby, the strongest survive. And you dear? You are just not strong enough.“

Alicia‘s news, her nose and upper lip twisting, the look at the stain on her face unable to be hidden behind any type of mask, one last deep breath and exhale. A smile. And a fade to black.

Session Eight: The First taste of true freedom

”Interesting picture”

Alicia stepped around her Doctors office, studying everything as she moved. She had been in this office many times over the last few months but this was the first time she really noticed things. Looking closer at the various books, pictures, diploma and memorabilia that littered the walls and shelves. Her eyes stopped and fixated on one picture in particular. It looked like it was from the early to mid-70’s. A group of young people stood around each other and in the center was someone who looked an awful lot like Dr Whitlow. Alot younger, longer hair and a smile on her face as she stood with the others.

Alicia smiled and turned as Whitlow looked up, her eyes shining from behind her black rimmed glasses, her hand twirling a pen around as her other hand came up to removed her glasses. ”My sophomore year of college. The first time I really felt on my own. My freshman year was spent still living with my parents, but I changed schools, went halfway across the country.” Dr Whitlow poshed on the arms of the chair and got to her feet moving over to Alicia standing next to her, folding her arms over her chest. ”I needed it, to feel free.”

Alicia scoffed, her eyes darting away as she turned and moved back towards the couch. Dr Whitlow raised an eyebrow, sliding her glasses back on as she moved back to her chair, picking up her pad, her pen and taking a seat.

Alicia sat down on the end of the couch and clasped her hands together. ”And what about you? When was the first time you felt that kind of freedom?”

She pushed her lips together, sliding back on the couch and laying back before interlacing her fingers. ”Japan”

She could hear it, the noise of the crowd. It was ringing in her ears. A crowd that started off so silent and respectful, with a small round of applause here and there, it slowly started to rise with each move, each moment. And then they had them in the palm of their hands. Alicia had her hand raised at the end, and a new star had been born. The months of hard work and training, the months of sleeping on the dojo floor and cleaning. It paid off in that one beautiful moment.

But now what? She was covered in sweat, her hands shaking as she realised she was still amped up and excited.

Alicia sat back, her body leaning against the cold brick wall in the women's locker room. She was the first match out, her first match. It had gone so fast, but it gave her a feeling she had never experienced before. A real accomplishment, a real future. And the rest of the night went fast as well, she watched from behind the curtain as a fan and as a student, the smile never left. And as the show ended, the fans filed out of the small but respectable arena, the students walked out to clean and take down the ring.

Tradition, honor, respect. Structure. This is what Alicia needed in her life.

When it was all done she picked up her bag moving towards the door, the other students all laughed and high fived each other. One of them stopped, turning to see Alicia by herself. He moved over to her, his long black hair tied back in a high bun, he was about six foot tall, muscular but also trim, he smiled and gave her a nod. ”Hey Blondie, you comin?” His english was great, almost too good. Alicia blinked a few times, looking around to make sure it was her he was talking to.

”Uh...where?” She laughed nervously.

He looked at the group and folded his arms over his chest, his name was Takeshi, he was one of the more advanced students. A young boy who was getting ready to go on an excursion to Alicia’s homeland. ”After a show, when we’re done with cleaning up we go out...celebrate. It’s a tradition.” There was that word again. Something she heard so much. Something that had been drilled into all of them.

But Alicia wasn’t a part of that. Her very existence, her look, her attitude, where she came from all flew in the face of these traditions. “I mean..sure...but I’m not 21 yet...”

The other students who stood behind him all laughed to themselves. Takeshi turned and looked at them with a shake of his head before holding out his hand. ”Legal age is 20 blondie. Come on...we don’t bite.” She took a deep breath and smiled. Almost ashamed for a moment, her first instinct was to stay in, to go back to the dojo, lay down and go to bed. Her second was even worse.

She wanted to call her mother and ask her permission.

Here she was, twenty years old, a year after running from her life, the horrible situation she had found herself in. Living in a different country half way across the world.. And she still wanted to call her mother and ask permission to do something.

How fucking pathetic

”I’m in..” She smiled and took his hand. The rest of the night was a blur, music, drinks, dancing. She felt happy, she felt alive. She felt free It was the one thing she hadn’t been able to escape since coming to Japan. The feeling of suffocation. The feeling of always being looked over and looked down upon. But that seemed to change.

In one night, some alcohol and a confidence boost, she felt the shackled unclip and felt like she could do anything. Be anyone. Takeshi looked her up and down with a smirk. ”Hey Blondie...what’s your real name?”

She stopped dancing, taking down a shot of whisky. ”...Alicia…”

”A new name...for a new life?”

She gave a nod opening her eyes with a smile before groaning as she sat up. ”Yeah, it felt right. That night, the last piece of who I was got put away. I had been told how to think, how to walk, talk and feel for so long.” She shrugged before getting to her feet moving back over to the picture of the Doctor when she was younger with a sigh.

Dr Whitlow tilted her head to the side. ”And this moment was your first step?”

Alicia didn’t answer immediately. She reached out taking the picture in her hand looking over the frame and at every single youthful face, every single moment in the single picture that was njow frozen in time, before seeing her own reflection in the glass, setting the picture back down. ”First steps….yeah. But….funny trying when you have been held down, and back for so long…” She turns and shakes her head. ”You go to far…”

Her voice fades away. Alicia knew what happened...but wasn’t ready to speak about it….

The old enemy

”Same song and dance eh?. Same moments, same things being said. Same opponents.”

Her hands clasped together, her red painted fingernails hitting a certain angle where the light from above gave them a certain shine.

”The wrestling world works in cycles. People rise, people fall. Some of it is like clockwork. Take me for instance. I go on rants out of anger when it comes to the Bombshells division, then names rise up to my words, they become stars and show how good they can be. Then, they fall, unable to show the consistency and fire needed to stay at the top of the division for as long as I did. I step back for all of you people to have others to believe in and the thanks I get for it, is mediocrity.”

“But, then I smile, I grit my teeth, I put up with it and show certain names respect and gratitude.”

“Only for it to happen all over again. As I said, like clockwork. And despite what all of you believe I have done more for the bombshells division than anybody. I have sacrificed so much for the good of the division and the people in it. Everything I did, everything was for the betterment of the company and those in it.”

“Now, it’s time to break that cycle.”

“I’m not going to do things like, step back from title opportunities, or rematches, to make you all feel better about yourselves. I’m not going to smile and give you a happy little thumbs up and tell you, win or lose, that you did a great job. Nah, mama Alicia has closed for business. Now, I’m out for blood, I’m out for myself. And I know some of you, like perhaps, Roxi, Andrea, Keira, I know you’ll be sitting there saying that’s what I was like from day one right? That nothing will change?”

Alicia laughs to herself and shakes her head.

”When Keira “beat” me for the title, I sat back, I refused a rematch, I refused to even go near the title because I wanted others to have the spotlight, look how that turned out. Look at the road the title went down. It has only now become relevant again with Amber Ryan as the champion, Amber being the only one out of all of you that is worth a damn. Meanwhile I went about my work, beating Maki, Mercedes, anyone else that was in my goddamn way, and then I got put in the Queen for a day match, I beat three other women for the right to make the matches I wanted.”

“I gave myself an opportunity at the championship. Like any of you would have. Because I earned it. For everything I did for the division, everything I did for all of you I wanted that match. And it was never ever just about the title it was also because I wanted Amber Ryan one on one. I wanted that match. I needed that match.”

“But even then, even as I earned the right to make my own opportunities, after spending months sitting back and waiting, it was still met with the usual whining voices of the masses. I could handle that though. I could handle the jealous whining, I could handle losing to someone like Amber Ryan, in fact I congratulated her. But what I couldn’t handle or abide by, is the second “loss” to Keira Fisher-Johnson.”

Alicia sneers, her nostrils flare and she folds her arms over her chest closing off her body language.

”The first one, she was amazing that night, it happened, the second though? I should have won that match, I should have beaten her easily and walked away with another win under my belt, but forever in the record books it will say she beat me, forever it will have me as a loser against her. When it shouldn't have happened. So I lost it a little and instead of getting understanding, compassion and respect. I got attacked. I got attacked by Keira and others. And when I confronted them, both Keira and Jessie Salco bitched out of matches

“Keira said she would never face me again, Jessie wanted to but the second I raised the stakes she said no and ran.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“So, SCW, in their infinite wisdom, decided that I would be facing an old enemy on Climax Control. Someone who I know better than most because we have faced each other so much over the last three years or so. Seleana Zdunich, everyone’s favourite little engine that could. And do we remember what I said about breaking cycles Seleana? Cause I remember once upon a time I told you to break yours. The cycle of bad decisions and being in a horrible relationship. This is what you so Seleana.”

“And my cycle for the longest time, was facing you and being nice to you. Smiling happily and not blaming you for the sins of your idiot wife and her idiot family. I actually felt BAD for you. SORRY for you.”

She rolls her eyes and flutters her hand up letting out a disgusted sigh.

”People would throw insults at you, call you a fake champion, a fraud, a phony and I would defend you. Remind them all it wasn’t your fault, that you were separate from all that and I respected your attitude and your effort. The truth is Zdunich, I had a soft spot for you, right here.”

Alicia puts her hand over her heart before sneering and turning her nose upwards.

”I wanted to see you succeed, I wanted to see you break those shackles and show the world you were more than, what was it you said against Austin and Tempest? “Crystals Swedish Barbie Trophy Wife”. I wanted you to prove that and I would stand there when you did win a big match and have a big moment like the Roulette title win and I would nod, I’d be happy for you, proud of you. But, trying to lift you up and make sure you reached the heights you deserved made me realise that...well..”

“You didn’t deserve it.”

“In my support and fandom of the attitude you had and the can do nature of your personality I stupidly allowed you to think and feel that you were somehow my fucking equal Seleana. That you could be held in the same regard as me, much like Keira thinks she is, much like Dani Weston believed. Much like Evie Jordan and Bobbie Dahl and all the others. You all honestly believe that you are on my level and that is as much my fault for perpetuating the belief as it is yours for foolishly believing it.”

“And for that, I apologise Seleana. I apologise for giving you false hope, a false narrative and for allowing you to feel that way. But don’t worry...I’m about to fix that.”

She smirks and stands up, revealing a shirt with a still on it from Summer Xxxtreme of her breaking Courtney Pierce’s ankle.

”You’re good Seleana, you are, I’m not discounting that. But you should never, ever beat me. You should never even get close. That’s just the nature of this business and for too long I have let people like you get close to people like me. And that needs to stop, I need to pull my boots on, my big girl pants up and be the champion I want to be, not the one everyone thinks I should be. And that is what Courtney Pierce failed to understand.”

“I was having my moment out there in that ring, all my talk of endings and retirements was talk of laying down the Strong style southern belle, the Alicia Lukas who had smiled and helped you all. That Alicia Lukas is dead, buried and retired.”

“I am the fucking Franchise of SCW and the Bombshells division. I am the War goddess….I am the best in the fucking world and when we get in the ring Seleana…”

“I’ll prove it.”

Session Six: First Steps in Japan

”Tea?”

Dr Whitlows voice was always kind and gentle. Even when she was trying to be filled with authority there was still kindness there. It put Alicia at ease, relaxed her. Made her feel so much better about herself, her life and her choices. Having to relive the worst parts of her life, go through her childhood and the abandonment issues right through the abuse she suffered, the thoughts of ending it all and of course, her escape and feeling that she abandoned her sons. She went back there, she saw it from a different perspective.

She thought the worst of it was over, but really, it was nowhere near over. ”Thank you” Dr Whitlow slid the cup toward her, Alicia picked it up and gave it a deep inhale. Sweet citrus tea. That took her back, Alicia smiled and shook her head before putting it down on the small table

Whitlow sat back and picked up her notepad with a small smile and a nod. ”So….when we last talked you told me about your escape, your liberation. And where you went.” Alicia gave a small nod and sipped the tea again. She knew where this was going. ”You didn’t go home. You didn’t contact your mother? Your step father? Your brother or sister?”

Alicia closed her eyes and took a long deep breath, she tried to relax, taking one last sip of tea before leaning back. ”No...I just ran...to the airport, with the clothes on my back, my passport, the money I was given and only a vague plan….” She laughed. ”Thank fuck my plan worked…”

It was like another planet or dimension. Different from anything she had known before. Alicia grew up just outside Atlanta Georgia, she had barely travelled further than an hour from her home in her entire life. She knew her home town like the back of her hand. But now she was almost seven thousand miles away from Atlanta, standing in the streets of Tokyo Japan. The cab sped away as she held onto the small duffle bag filled with a few clothes she bought before making the trip, a disposable toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo.

She swallowed hard as the sights and sounds hit her in the face. Atlanta was a big city, but Tokyo was something else entirely. A technological beast filled with flashing lights and signs, a bustling metropolis filled to bursting with people going about their lives. And she was completely lost. She quickly checked her bag, making sure the money she still had left was safe. She had enough to live comfortably for a few weeks, or to stave for a few months. And speaking of starving. The smells coming from some of the restaurants made her stomach groan in hunger. She had been too nervous to eat, too scared to take a bite of the food she was served on the airplane.

She had spent the entire flight awake, from Atlanta to LAX. From LAX to Tokyo, the entire 19 hours she spent travelling was spent awake and looking over her shoulder.

But she was here now, free of his influence, free of his shadow. And, she had a plan. Or so she thought. Alicia smiled thinking of her father, the letters he had sent till she was ten years old, telling her about his journeys and life in Japan where they loved the “giant gaijin” as he had called himself. Jason Maxwell, the seven foot tall, long blond haired terror of Tokyo. He made it sound beautiful, he made his life sound so exciting and carefree. So, Alicia was going to follow in her fathers footsteps. She was going to become a professional wrestler. And she was going to do it in her fathers adopted home. Even though, by all reports and evidence, he was no longer there.

But, a wrestling school was. ドラゴンの隠れ家. Or. “Lair of the dragon”

It was a school she had learned about from watching tapes of her father. During a time when she was being rebellious, her mother was furious when she found out. Snapping at Alicia, taking the tapes, the letters, everything that reminded her of her father. She pulled out a picture, the address on the back, she had shown it to the cab driver who had given her a nod, spoke a few words of broken English and had taken her there. Or where he said it was.

She couldn’t see it, she looked around but there were no markers, no signs. Just a dirty alleyway one way, and a main street on the other. She shook her head and realised how ridiculous she looked and this was. She was a skinny five foot eight blonde haired blue eyed former beauty queen who had never been outside her home town, let alone her state or her country. She took a deep breath and turned toward the dark ally, she moved down it and winced as she heard a noise. Her heart beat fast and hard and she let out a small whimper. She was in way over her head. Her hand brushed against the wall, it felt dirty, wet and cold.

She winced and screamed before tripping and stumbling out the other side. She landed with a thud on her knees and elbows, the dufflebag landing next to her.

She looked up and saw it.

The Lair of the dragon dojo. A large sign above a warehouse door, a group of men and two women stood near the entrance, an older well built man paced back and forth before he looked over at Alicia, he raised an eyebrow and moved towards her. ”あなたは日本語を話せますか？” She shook her head, the man cleared his throat and nodded. ”I know some English. Are you lost? These streets are no place for Tourists.”

She shook her head and managed a smile before pulling out the picture of the dojo, it was from the 80’s the dojo had seen better days, she handed it to him, he looked at it and back to her, intrigued at what this young awkward American was doing here. ”I wanted to find this. My name is Violet...Violet Maxwell.”

His eyes seemed to flash in recognition. ”Maxwell?...as in...Jason Maxwell?” He seemed to growl his name, Alicia’s eyes widened and she was able to manage a small nod.

”I’m his daughter, I haven’t seen him since I was a child.”

He laughed and handed the picture back. ”You still are a child. You are welcome to look around, but your father has not been here in years, not since he left after failing to invest the time or money he promised.My name is Gyo Takamura...if you find your father after this please say hello.” He turned away, after a few steps Alicia cleared her throat.

”I’m actually here to train...sir.” Gyo stopped in his tracks, he took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder at bAlicia who straightened up holding her bag. ”I want to follow in my fathers footsteps.”

”Your fathers….” He sighed and turned back with a straight face that seemed to show anger, frustration but also a strange kindness. ”Child, you don’t want to be like him. Trust me…” He gave her a small hint of a smile and turned away moving back towards the crowd waving his hand dismissively. ”Go home little girl.”

”So you had a door slammed in your face?”

She opened her eyes, gave a small nod and sighed heavily. ”Not the first or the last...but you didn’t give up..”

”I had nowhere else to go...I didn’t have a choice…” She sounded down and defeated. Dr Whitlow shook her head, leaned forward and grabbed Alicia's hand.

”There is always a choice...and you chose to fight for what you wanted..”

Failure is still a success

”I suppose people are expecting me to give up now right?”

Alicia’s voice cuts through the darkness. We find her sitting and leaning forward, clearly in deep thought.

”To pack it in and walk away like others have before. Maybe announce a retirement pity party like Keira? Or perhaps, fade into the background like Christina or Mercedes. Become one of the names that gets dropped when people sit down and start with “Oh she was good back when…” and then proceed to talk about my past like I’m over the hill and not still one of the best professional wrestlers on this planet today. In fact it’s incredible how the mind works really. Studying some of the women in this company and how they react to loss or failure. Watching as they either quit like Bobbie Dahl or become a punchline like Mercedes Vargas...but hey that’s none of my business right?”

Alicia slowly picks up a tea cup sipping it and placing it back down with a wink.

”Only, it is. It is my business. I want you all to cast your minds back to when I first came into this company and I told you I wanted to drag you all kicking and screaming up to my level. To either make damn sure the bombshells here could hang with me or make sure others who would could come into the company and the division. And since that time I have watched some women come, some women go, some thrive even after failure and some fade away after success. And aside from an injury which may have been a blessing in disguise I have been a constant in this company. And that isn’t going to change.”

“See, having women like Amber Ryan in this company is what I wanted. I wanted Maki, I wanted Roxi, I wanted Andrea and Myra. I wanted women standing across from me who could challenge me. Who could beat me.”

“Winning the Queen for a day, putting myself against the champion, having that kind of epic one on one showdown, that’s what I wanted, that’s what I needed.”

“Do I care that I lost? Of course I do. Do I hate that I lost? Oh shit yes. But, am I proud as fuck that we have a champion like Amber Ryan who was able to beat me one on one in such a great match and force me to get better and get me out of my comfort zone? You goddamn right I am. See, I lost to one of the best wrestlers in the world today, a woman who has proved it since stepping foot in Sin City Wrestling. And if you think I’m done...well, then it’s just clear to me that you haven’t been paying attention.”

She nods slowly and shakes her head running a hand through her long blond hair.

”When I get knocked down, I don’t stay down. When Dani Weston knocked me down, I got right back up. When Seleana and her idiot wife knocked me down, I got back up. When Roxi and Bobbie knocked me down I got up again. When Keira did it...guess what? That is what I do. And this won’t be any different. I’ll get up again and I will be the Alicia Lukas I have always been. And it starts now and it starts with Courtney Pierce.”

Alicia finishes her tea and gets to her feet with a smirk.

”See, I like Courtney. I said that before the Queen for a day match and pleasantly, with Courtney’s actions and comments I was not disappointed. See, Courtney got in that ring and did everything she could to win that match. She did everything she could to get that briefcase before me and get the power that came with it. nIn the end though, I was just too fast, to strong and too smart. But then again, Courtney will do the smart thing and focus on the fact I lost to Amber. Cause Courtney is skilled at doing the same thing I am. Twisting narratives.”

“She said that we were kind of alike, that we weren’t living up to the standards that people expected of us. That I was a hypocrite because apparently I was living off my record alone…”

“Really?”

“I came back from an injury, got revenge and banished a lazy whiny bitch from this company before taking my championship back, I went back to the start of the line and I fought my way back to a title match with one of the baddest women on the planet while also holding wins over some of the best in the company who all fell to me over the last few months but apparently I have done the same thing Mercedes has? Nice try Courtney, but that isn’t even remotely close. Swing and a miss.”

“Let me teach you a few things honey. It’s not what you know it’s what you can prove. I can prove my track record against the top of this company and being the champion as well as operating at a high level for a ridiculous amount of time. In multiple companies. In fact, in Sin City Wrestling the only woman who can claim to have been at the top for a longer and more sustained time is Mikah...and that was during the Bombshells dark ages…”

She pauses and shakes her head.

”You and I are not alike Courtney. But that doesn’t mean I can’t admit that I do see a bright future ahead of you or that I don’t think you could become the bombshells champion and be at the top of the division. The difference between us is potential. I reached mine, I know what it’s like and I’m hungry to get back to it and will keep scratching and clawing to pull myself back up to that level instead of tread water like Mercedes Vargas. You though? You haven’t reached your potential.”

“You haven’t been able to grab that opportunity with both hands and raise up to that level. You don’t know what that level of success tastes like and now you have to ask yourself. Win or lose against me, will you be a better you coming out of the match?”

“A win is an easy answer, of course you will. You’ll be able to smile and stomp your feet and talk about how you beat a former bombshells champion. But, you lose? And lose in a one on one match not one where the object is to climb a ladder?”

“Then what?”

“You lost to a woman who before the Queen for a day match, you said had lost a step, was a hypocrite and was just gliding on her record. Good plan...but, that’s what happens Courtney. This game, through comments or ideas, through matches, fights, wins and losses, we all have something to prove. And on Climax Control...I know what I want...do you?”

Session Four. Part 2: The Escape Plan

”Was that also the night you left?”

”It was the night I ran…”

The tiles were freezing. The off white marble was also hard, but Alicia had just stopped caring. The water was still running, her hands trembled as heer fingertips pushed against the floor. She wanted to get up, she unwanted to run. But her body was not responding. It was as if she was frozen, a prisoner trapped in her own mine. She could feel, she could think. But she couldn’t move or respond. And she couldn’t stop herself from crying. The tears rolling down her cheeks mixed with eyeliner and makeup as they fell to the tiles.

They made different patterns, different colors. They swirled and moved. And for whatever reason Alicia's bright blue eyes focused on them. Watching the make up mixture with her tears.

The door opened, Alicia’s eyes moved to see who it was, her heart almost leaping from her chest as she saw her. Her name was Jennifer. It was Ronnie’s older sister. This was bad. Jennifer was tall, slender and beautiful. Married into a Texan oil family she was also successful.in her own right. But she had treated Alicia with a mild indignation since they met. Almost as if Alicia didn;’t belong in her world. Always very standoffish and aloof with her.

And now this woman, loyal to her brother and family, who had never shown an ounce of compassion or care for Alicia was standing in the bathroom, staring at her, crying on the floor.

Jennifer seemed frozen in the moment too. Looking down at the scene surveying it all. Her eyes moving from the sink, to the floor, looking right at Alicia and the pool of tears. Then Jennifer saw it, the straight razor. And her expression changed. Her eyes softened as she shook her head and closed the door behind her, she moved across the tiles and dropped to one knee next to Alicia reaching out to help her up. ”This isn’t the answer…” She was caring, open and almost motherly. She almost seemed to be just as upset as Alicia was. She moved her to the small chair in the corner before grabbing the razor and placing it back on the side of the sink.

She grabbed tissues, wetting them in the warm water and turning the sink off. She shook her head pulling another chair over to sit in front of Alicia, her hand reaching out as she wiped away the tears, the streaks of eyeliner that had run down Alicias’ porcelain skin. She swallowed hard and shook her head looking away, almost as if she was ashamed. ”That bastard. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Alicia looked up at her, confused. Jennifer shook her head again and it hit Alicia.

Ronnie’s mother. Her long sleeves, they slid up. Bruises.

She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. ”What have I gotten into?” Her voice was a whisper. Said just under her breath. But loud enough for Jennifer to hear, her head snapping back to Alicia looking her in the eyes with a small smile, an understanding one. She leaned forward and gave her a tight hug. Alicia couldn’t hold it in, she let out a sob and a whimper, she could feel it slipping. She was free of the prison inside her own mind but now the floodgates had opened. ”I can’t live like this.”

Jennifer closed her eyes and swallowed before nodding to herself and pulling back out of the hug. ”You don’t have to.” She got to her feet moving to the door opening it and looking through the small crack, to make sure no one was listening. She turned back and folded her arms over her chest. ”Tonight, when the guests leave and Ronnie goes to sleep, meet me downstairs. Wherever you want to go, we’ll get you there.” She smiled, Alicia gave a nod.

”But, what about my boys?”

The silence hung in the air with the question. They both stared ahead before Jennifer swallowed and looked away with a sad expression on her face. ”We can’t...we can’t get them out.” Alicia closed her eyes and shook, her heart felt like it was going to explode. Jennifer felt it to. ”Look, Ronnie will treat them like gold. He will spoil them, he will dote on them. But you need to go. If not…” She looked over at the sink, to the razor, guiding Alicias gaze there. ”You leave...and your boys still have a mother. You stay...and next time you won’t stop…”

She was right, Alicia could feel it, but that didn’t make this any easier. She gave a small nod and got to her feet. ”So, tonight then?”

”Why do you think she helped you?”

Dr Whitlow tapped her pencil against the clipboard. Alicia blinked and smiled with a shake of her head. ”She saw what years of abuse and control had done to her mother. Jennifer is a different person than the rest of her family. She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging her legs as she sat on the couch. ”She blives in Europe now. My boys love their Aunt.”

”So she is still a prominent figure in your life? Thats good, it’s good to have people like that.”

Alicia smiled and shrugged ”She was right about it all. But, I still felt like I was abandoning my sons. Without leaving, if I had stayed. I wouldn’t be here for them now. And that’s how I rationalise it.”

Dr Whitlow wrote a few things down and gave a warm smile before setting the clipboard aside. ”It’s not exactly rationalising. It’s a true enough statement. When put in a horrible position you made the right choice.” She shuffled in her chair and leaned forward. ”You walked a path, and that path has led you to a better life. You have to stop blaming yourself and remember that where you are now is only possible because of those actions and decisions….”

”Logically, I know it Doc. I do. But there’s that part of me that feels…..like a failure.”

She trails off, Dr Whitlow nods again and reaches over picking up the clipboard writing a few more things down. ”You overcame odds to be who you are. And you have opened up more than you thought possible. Go home Violet. Hug your sons, kiss your husband. And when you’re ready….” She paused and smiled. ”We can talk about the act of leaving”

”...when I ran…”

Royalty

”Into the void is going to be fun. Where I get crowned as a Queen and have alot of your futures in my hands.And if Austin wins the other match? Well, it’s going to be a very Wolfy month.”

Alicia smiles and folds her arms over her chest, that arrogant grin we have seen many times before, her pearly whites shining in contrast to her ruby red lips.

”I already told you all what I plan on doing. I already said that I win this match I am booking myself in a title match from the get go. I wanted to get that out there, even though it should be simply stating the obvious, so the champ could get ready, whoever that might be coming out of the show. But, to get that opportunity I still have to get passed three women in a match that has more to do with luck and being in the right place at the right time than skill. I mean, yeah I can throw any of them off the ladder, I can beat them down, but if I get so focused on cracking Char Kwans head open like a coconut then Mercedes could take out Court and climb the ladder before I know what is happening.”

“And that could happen, cause I really want to break Chaw Kwan in half and Mercedes is a savvy veteran who knows how to win matches like this.”

“So, I know what I have to do, I know what I need to be capable of and I am prepared to do it. But, with that being said, I do have this need inside me to break someone like Char. See, Char Kwan is one of these morons who contradicts themselves without realising why. Her IQ is a similar number to her shoe size and week in and week out whenever she graces us with her presence she outs her foot in her mouth. And the sad part is that it’s not like she isn’t talented. She’s just stupid. And yes Char, that might seem like a childish insult, but you’re a dumb bitch and I can prove it.”

“With ease..”

Alicia tilts her head and smiles before clearing her throat.

”Now, I don’t care what you’ve said about Court or Mercedes. I mean, yeah you beat Courtney, very good. And you have never faced myself or Vargas and trust me on this, I’m not Mercedes biggest fan, but she’d eat you alive. Not as bad as I would, but pretty close. You are one of these women who hates hearing me talk about my accomplishments. And it’s not because you’re “sick” of them, it’s jealousy. I have accomplished things in my career that you haven’t and never will. That is a fact. And instead of simply respecting that and telling the world that you understand being a world champion and a bombshells champion is stressful and something great that you have yet to accomplish...you instead go to discredit me.”

“And not even with actual fact6s, lies and stupidity seems to be the order of the day. Like, I got HANDED a title? Really? Beating Dani Weston is being handed something? I’m sure Dani would love to hear that. I’m sure Dani would love to see someone with fuck all talent pissing on her title reign, her own accomlishment of beating me the first time and the match we had.”

“But, not busting my ass? How about winning the title, defending the title more in a single reign than anyone else or also holding it for the longest? How about losing it in a fucking cell, coming back from an injury, getting revenge on the person who injured me only to pull, scratch and claw my way back up to that championship?. Is that busting my ass? How about then losing it and taking myself out of the picture and starting from the bottom where I have beaten Mercedes, Maki and others? Is that busting my ass you stupid, vapid, moronic vegetable?”

“I can say I’m the best based on that alone. I stood back and let someone else take leadership of the division and they failed. But, atleast they stepped up and had a shot. Instead of being the firth wheel in a group that barely did anything of not, a group that won the mixed tag titles only to disappear. But, hey that’s fine Char, you just keep being you, a lazy, self serving, arrogant bitch with zero chance of doing anything in SCW.”

Alicia puts her fingers together making a “zero” with her hand.

”Atleast Mercedes has done and seen it all. Admittedly not lately. And also, as always little miss Mercy is severely overstating herself and understating everyone else. You actually think Amber Ryan came here because of you? Mercedes. Andrea Hernandez and Myra may have come here because of you, and if they did I should actually hold it against you since both of those woman are a cancer to this company with their constant arrogance that makes mine seem, I dunno, tame. But Amber Ryan?”

“Amber has stated, many times, that Alicia Lukas versus Amber Ryan would be a dream match and it’s something she wants.”

“But, of course you won’t acknowledge it or see it because it doesn’t have anything to do with you. And if it’s not to do with you it’s not worth knowing or thinking about right? You’re the heartbeat of SCW. The woman who runs it all right? Kind of funny, if you’re the center of the SCW universe then all the titles and top matches don’t matter since you’re nowhere fucking near them. And the entire time I’ve been in SCW, you haven’t been. You’ve had a shot here and there, but as far as being a major part of the SCW bombshells division and a game changer?...”

“When Mercedes?”

“In the last three years when have you been anything more than a supporting cast in this little blockbuster of ours huh?. The Queen for a day could change that, but right now?. Right now you haven’t been. Yet you make these grandiose statements like your shit doesn’t stink, you mention me like I’m some schlub off the side of the road that just appeared here. When, and let me remind you of this since it seems to slip your mind quite a bit.”

“YOU. HAVE. NEVER. EVER. EVVVVVVEEEEERRRR. BEATEN ME.”

“But, your revisionist history and over inflated ego shields you from that. I don't have a fear of being forgotten Mercedes. I have a fear of people actually believing your lies and bullshit….so, I’m going to toss your old ass off a ladder and into retirement.”

She sneers and rolls her eyes.

”Then, there’s poor little Courtney. Being an afterthought again huh?. I get it.; It’s hard to stand out. But, you have in a way. See while Char and Mercedes went down the self aggrandising stupidity route, you actually studied and made comments that made sense. I was shocked when I watched your promo and heard coherent sentences that were logical and had facts in them. You recognise what kind of person I have and you see the star I have been and could be again. The fact I ran through this company like a hot knife through butter.”

“But, while respecting what I accomplished you didn’t back down from me nor did you ignore mistakes I’ve made. And, I can be a hypocrite. I admit it, we all can be. But where I admit it and try to better myself others, like Char and Mercedes simply hide it. And lie.”

“So thank you Courtney.”

“Thank you for being a bright spark in a world of stupidity and moronic comments. You want to face the best and in this match you get to. Admittedly it’s not one on one and if you have the guts, and it seems like you do, I’d love to give you a one on one match. I’m not saying you’d win, but I am saying you would give me your all. And that’s all, you can ever do Court. All you can do in this business is give one hundred percent of yourself and if you do that, well, you never really lose.”

“It’s something Char and Mercedes don’t understand. Mercedes lost it when her ego overtook her reason and Char? Well Char is just dumb as a bag of rocks. I’m going to wish you luck in this Court, cause you seem like the only other woman aside from me who would actually understand the gravity of the queen for a day match and the implications. But, just cause I like you, just cause I think you’re talented, doesn’t mean I won’t break you to win this….I’ll break all of you, because that's what I do….”

Session Three: The first time.

”Why are you resisting?”

Alicia sighed heavily and shook her head. It was hard to go there, to remember and to let herself fall into these moments.

The memories were fading in as she closed her eyes. The smells came in, the sounds, the shapes behind her eyelids. Alicia felt herself going back to that moment, and as much as she didn’t want to the ticking of the metronome was hypnotic. She was back there, but not in her own mind, it was like watching a play. Scenes from a memory. She was back there, in Georgia. The summer heat hit her face and the sun made her long hair shine a golden glow.

Her hand reached out, touching the long grass in the field on Ronalds fathers plantation.

It was all so real, so vivid. But again, it was like Alicia was watching it from outside her own body. She looked so young and innocent. Her face was full, her hair was tied back with a ribbon, she wore a long dress and stepped lightly along the ground. Someone ran up behind her, his arm whipped around her hip pulling her against him. It was Ronnie.Alicia giggled and smiled. She was happy to see him, be near him. She was young and far too trusting. Alicia grew angry and for a moment snapped out of her daze.

Her hand was digging into the leather couch. Her eyes stayed shut tight. And as quickly as she jumped out she was back in. ”Ronnie stop.” She giggled again, naive child.

Ronnie laughed and he pulled her closer kissing her cheek. They had been together for a few months. Still a year or so till they were both legally allowed to get married. They were both seventeen, both of them had fallen for one another since their arranged meeting. Alicia’s mother had been a delight since she realised Alicia had liked the boy and they got along. In fact Alicia had never seen her mother that happy.”Come on Vi….”

He was being playful, at the time Alicia loved it, she enjoyed being with him, having his attention. He was tall, rich and handsome. But Alicia of today, well, her skin was crawling. ”Come on with what? Mr Andrews what are you trying to get?” She laughed and stepped away from him, turning away and lifting her finger to her lip biting the tip of her nail. She thought she was being cute. But here it comes…

His hand shot down to her wrist, his grip was strong, he squeezed and pulled her backwards. She almost fell, her shoulder burned with pain as if he had pulled it out of the coket. She winced and looked up at him, the small protest becoming a whimper as Ronald shook his head. ”What the hell is your problem? Your mother told you to make me happy didn’t she? Thats what this arrangement is..” He trailed off, his eyes were no longer kind. Instead they burned with irrational anger.

Alicia stuttered. ”That hurts..please let g-“

SLAP

Her eyes opened, her nostrils flared. Dr Whitlow was silence, her hands sitting on her notepad. Her hands clasped together with a pen poking out from between her knuckles. Her face was different. As if the weight of Alicia’s past and her story was starting to become clear for the professional therapist. There was a lingering silence that seemed to hit Alicia. She sat up, stone faced except for her flared nostrils and the fire and anger in her eyes. She turned her legs to the side and sat with her back to the good Doctor.

Whitlow cleared her throat and took a drink of water. ”That was the first time you saw that level of aggression from him?

Alicia couldn’t help but laugh under her breath with a small nod. ”Yeah, the first but not the last. She got to her feet, this time licia didn’t feel like crying, she was just numb. All the light in her life seemed to leave for a few moments as all she felt was anger. And guilt. She reached up and tied her hair back before adjusting her jeans and folding her arms over her chest.

Dr Whitlow turned and put her notepad down. ”Violet, why didn’t you tell your mother?” Alicia took a sharp inhale, she held the breath there and pushed it out hard throwing her hands in the air, turning and sitting back down on the end of the couch, Dr Whitlow narrowed her eyes and studied her for a moment before they opened wide. ”Oh!...you did.”

Alicia scoffed and smiled awkwardly raising her eyebrows and nodding. ”Yeah. And her exact words?” She paused, Dr Whitlow leaned forward. ”I’m sure he didn’t mean it, he’ll apologise…” She laughed again, this time it was loud and almost boisterous. She held her ribs and then coughed before her lip quivered, the sadness washed over her, replacing the anger she had previously felt. The anger that had consumed her and made her both numb and somewhat invulnerable. But that was now gone. That protection.

An outer barrier.

”How fucked up is that?. The fact I told my mother that a man I was with...hit me...and she did nothing.” Her face twitched, her voice cracked and broke as the floodgates holding back the tears suddenly ruptured. Her hands slowly balled up and she could feel her fingernails dig into her palms. ”And the worst part? She was right. He did apologise….” She trailed off and swallowed hard. ”The first ten or twenty times...after that, well he figured why bother?”

She swallowed hard again and took a sharp breath in through her nose. She stood back up grabbing her bag. Dr Whitlow stood up in front of her, she smiled warmly and reached down taking her hand. ”These sessions, talks, whatever you think of them as are here for you to relive these moments, then go out there and see how your life has changed.” She squeezed her hand and then let go. ”How you have changed.And how much stronger you are. Now, get back to your wonderful family.” Alicia laughed and nodded slowly, Dr Whitlow was right. And it was time she got back to her boys…

Circle with me

”Amazing how some terms are overused isn’t it?”

Alicia Lukas scoffed, her long hair flowing down in front of her face as she sneered and tilted her head sideways narrowing her bright blue eyes. A black and red baseball cap over her head as she sat back weaning a black, worn denim jacket and a white Led Zeppelin band shirt and black jeans.

”Since I walked into this company I have been the best. And for the longest time I leaned into that fact. But you know, it’s really sad when you’re made to feel guilty about how doo you are and about your accomplishments all because people are made uneasy or are made to feel inadequate and insecure.  Oh no Alicia don’t point out how good you are, don’t remind people how much you’ve beaten them. That's mean, that’s rude and you’re being a bitch.”

“Don’t bring up your records or awards or title reigns. Cause then you’re just “living in the past”. Don’t hold onto a championship for any length of time, then you’re holding it hostage.”

“You know, one of the things I have always taken pride in is telling you people how it is. I have always been honest. I told you all I was one of the best, I told you all I was championship material and I told you all that it was going to take something especially brutal to take that title off me the second time I had it. And did I lie? Was I untruthful? I told you all I respected Dani Weston, Evie Jordan and Seleana Zdunich. And I still do. I respect Amber Ryan and what she has done in her short time in Sin city wrestling. All of that is well and good, people hear that and nod along, but the second I say something they don’t like, no matter how true it is I get treated like public enemy number one.”

“You want an example? Ok, let’s give you all an example.”

She sits forward, her eyes burning as she sneers and shakes her head. Her elbows balancing on her knees as she growls.

”Two actually. Both involve members of the same family. Keira and Roxi. Roxi was a respected legend in wrestling and sin city. I wanted her back in this company and I wanted to defend the title against her because I felt like she had earned the shot by simply being one of the best, consistent and most respectful women in professional wrestling. She didn’t say no, she didn’t have a problem with taking that shot and why should she? But she has had a problem with me, my title reign and what I’ve been able to accomplish. The second I beat her and defended my title against her she changed her tune.”

“No longer did she respect me, no longer was she impressed with my title reign. Now I was holding the title hostage, now I was a menace. But you all still consider her a legend and you all kiss her aging saggy ass.”

“Then there’s Keira. Someone I never initially had a problem with until she really started hounding every champion for a title shot. Every failure seemed to make her more determined and I supported that. I told her I wanted her to become the champion because I figured she would defend it and make a real run with it. She beat me and I told her to do something with it. I told her the ball was hers now and she shouldn’t drop it. Then what happened huh? What happened with the other half of the legendary team hero?”

“She fumbled the fucking ball.”

“And all I did was remind you all what I said, and suddenly I’m the fucking bad guy. Because I happen to think the term legend is overused and relied on to make people seem like bigger deals than they are. Roxi is not a legend. Keira is not a legend. And Zuri fucking Chastain is not a legend.”

She pauses and clears her throat before pushing up to her feet pacing back and forth.

”One on one this year I am undefeated. Do you know what that means Zuri?. Aside from meaning you are royally fucked? It means the only times I lose are when I’m having to watch my back against multiple people or I am forced to team with people. I beat a former Bombshells champion last week and have been on a tear against most people. But, as we reach Climax Control 300, a celebration of this company and what we’ve been able to accomplish, am I in a high profile match? Am I facing a rival from the past like Dani or Evie? Am I renewing a feud with the Zdunich-Hilton family? No.”

“Am I facing Amber Ryan in that dream match that everyone seems to be creaming their jorts over? No.”

“Or what about Mikah? The woman with the longest single reign as Bombshells champion against the woman with the longest total reign? Huh? Nah, of course not.”

“All because some masked relic from the past wants a grand send off. And why Zuri? Am I supposed to be honored? Am I supposed to be impressed by you? Someone whose claim to fame is a bunch of titles from dead companies, being a member of a shitty faction like the “Boss Ladies” and getting her ass kicked around the company by Mercedes Vargas for three years? Seem that is the biggest issue I have with this Zuri.”

Alicia holds out her hands and sneers.

”You are being referred to as a legend And you’re not. In SCW you did nothing of note. NOTHING. And now you come waltzing back into my fucking company looking to have a final match in SCW and you wanted the best of the best. Well, you got me bitch. And the best of the best didn’t want you. But, because I’m such a sweetheart I’m going to do you a solid.”

“Great warriors of the past only wanted to go out one way. Going down in battle. So, Zuri, you are going to get in the ring with a three time Bombshells champion, one of the best of the best and someone who is a scary human being. And I’m going to send you out on your goddamn shield.”

I held the power of a dying sun.
I climb the alter.
And I claim my place as god

Session One-The trouble with opening up

This was hard.

Much harder than Alicia thought it was going to be. She needed help, she understood that. And as she woke up this morning, watched the clock and readied herself it was what she kept in her mind, replaying over and over. Telling herself that today was the day. Today was the day Alicia Lukas started healing. That she would face her past, face her fears and all the things in the world that would make her anxious. But the seconds ticked down, and as her appointment approached the nerves rose up. And Alicia knew she was going to be silent.

Here she was, sitting in the good doctors office. Dr Whitlow sat in her brown leather chair, her glasses sitting down at the end of her nose as she looked over at Alicia.

She felt judged.

That isn’t how it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be a safe space. A room where Alicia could talk about anything and unburden herself. She shuffled on the coach, her hands clasped together as she looked up at the ceiling. The fan slowly turned, just enough to help circulate air around and keep Alicia cool But it was also unnerving in the silence. Dr Whitlow gave Alicia time and space. But the clocking of the fan, it started to play on Alicia’s mind. She could hear it louder and louder. Her eyes watering before Dr Whitlow broke the silence.

”You could always start at the beginning Violet.” Her name, it sounded so foreign, so wrong. There was a reason she had left it behind all those years ago. A reason she stopped using her fathers name.

But not even that was the beginning

She let out a long sigh, pushing all the air out of her lungs before taking a sharp inhale in and looking sideways to the Doctor. She shook her head and swallowed hard. ”I don’t even know where I should begin Doc. My life has always been fucked up.” She trailed off, her hands stayed clasped together on her lap but they turned and she gripped her own fingers, her knuckles cracking as she squeezed.

Whitlow took up her pen and jotted down a few notes on her notepad before leaning forward with a small smile. ”What was the earliest memory you had of feeling...small.”

”Small?” Alicia repeated it, she wasn’t entirely sure what Dr Whitlow meant.

The Doctor gave a small nod, her voice staying smooth and understanding. ”Yeah, small. Like you didn’t matter, a time when you thought everyone around you only cared for themselves.”

Alicia’s eyebrows raised, she swallowed hard and as she let out her breath is seemed to quiver and waiver passed her lips. ”The first time? I remember being young, I think I was four. Maybe three. My dad gave me a kiss on the head and left….” She trailed off, the memory flashing through. Even at that young age she felt it, her father was leaving and this time he wouldn’t be coming back.She remembered how big he was, all seven feet of him. She remembered her two year old brother playing next to her, and her newborn sister in her swing. Alicia swallowed again and this timer she was swallowing her anger.

”Felt what Violet?”

”Wrong…”

It was the first word that she could think of. The first real emotion and feeling that she could muster from her heart. A moment where she felt like her needs, wants and feelings meant nothing. At just four years old. ”Children can be intuitive. There may have been something in the way he walked, or something he said that just resonated with you. Made you feel that he was never coming back” She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. She couldn’t hold the anger and pain back, her face turned red as she bit down harder on her lip.

She could taste it. The familiar metallic taste. She bit her lip so hard the inside split open. Alicia had a taste of her own blood. A feeling she first felt when Ronnie hit her for the first time. All the memories flooded back again, it was an overload. Alicia sat up, her body shook as Dr Whitlow sat forward.

”Lean into it Violet. Let it go….”

The anger built, her hands balled into fists as she growled tilting her head to the side before letting out a deep breath and shaking her head. ”I can’t…”

She released it, burying the anger and frustration deep down with all the pain that she just felt. She laid back into the couch and calmed herself down. She didn’t want to do it. She didn’t want to feel, to blame anyone or herself. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to sleep and forget. Dr Whitlow sighed heavily and took her glasses from the end of her nose before pinching the bridge and clearing her throat. ”I can only help you if you’re willing to face your past Violet..” She sounded disappointed. Kind of like Alicia’s mother used to. That crushed Alicia even more. ”We’re out of time...think about what I said...I suppose I’ll see you next week…”

Alicia wanted to protect, she wanted to promise she would try harder, do better, be better. But as she opened her mouth nothing came out. Instead she stood up, pushing to her feet and taking her bag, giving a small nod to the Doctor and moving out of her office closing the door behind her. She just wanted to go home

A few hours later..

”How did it go?”

His voice was calm and soft. Michael meant well. Her cared about her, Alicia knew it, she felt it. She always felt loved with him. But, she couldn’t be completely honest.

”It was fine”

She didn’t even know why she bothered. Not being honest was never going to fly with Michael. He knew her to well. That was how their relationship was. He just got her, the positive of that was Alicia felt loved and safe. Secure and happy when they were together and in their relationship. The negative was...he called her out on her bullshit. ”So what really happened?” He said it in such a matter of fact manner. It was a dry delivery, his arms folding over his chest.

Goddamnit

She let out a sigh and a small nod mouthing “ok” under her breath before looking up at him. ”She told me to start at the beginning, the first time I...look it didn’t go well.” She trailed off again, Michael though reached out grabbing her hand. Alicia swallowed and cleared her throat. ”I got angry, and upset. She told me to let it go and...I couldn’t...I kept it inside.” She shook her head, she knew it was a mistake, she knew that she couldn’t do that if she wanted to get help. If she wanted to feel better.

Michael just listened and waited for a moment before leaning forward, his hand drifting from her hand to her lower back guiding her into a hug. ”You knew this was going to be hard. But you wanted to do it.” She pushed her face into his shirt and closed her eyes taking in his warmth, his scent. She calmed down and felt like home. ”There’s still progress. You made a decision that a few years ago you wouldn’t have. You should be proud of yourself just for that….it takes a strong person to admit they need help. So be that strong person.”

She smiled, he was right. A few years ago she would have laughed at the idea of therapy. Made a joke of it outwardly while screaming and terrified inside. But now, well now she had made that step. A big step. So what was a few more?...

”I will…”

Alicia Lukas Vs The World

”2019.”

She laughed and stepped forward. Her face covered by a black bandana tied around the bottom half of her face like a mask. Her blonde hair flowing down over it as her bright blue eyes stared straight ahead.

”It seems like a lifetime ago doesn’t it?. 2019 was a year where this business was all about me. Not just the Bombshells division, not just this company and not just women's wrestling. The entire goddamn business was revolving around me. And hey, that might be cocky to say, arrogant and maybe even a real bitch thing to bring up. But, it’s also the truth. See I had spent the few years leading up to that on fire too. Honor Wrestling's first incarnation brought me back from Japan and gave me a job and a way for me to get my kids back. I became a champion there before moving on to WWH…”

“That same company Maki tried to dominate, that same company that Mercedes Vargas failed in time and time again. I walked in, I dominated, I became the biggest star that company had. I went back to Honor, I grabbed both titles that company had to offer, the only woman who could and would have that accolade.”

“But, all of that built up to a crescendo where SCW became my greatest work”

“I broke records, I won awards. In fact I damn near swept those awards. Match of the year, feud of the year, woman of the year and overall wrestler of the year with a title reign that still hasn’t been beaten. Man, 2019 was the year for me right? Couldn’t get any better than that huh? Only, it will…”

Her eyes narrow, she reaches up pulling the bandana down to show her ruby red lips and a smirk, oozing with arrogance as she moves from side to side.

”I went down that little memory lane trip for a few reasons, one of them was to remind each and everybody what I’m capable of since all of y’all seem to forget. And the other reason is because it’s rather apt. See, I can always try and pick myself back up, but to pick yourself up, first you need to fall. And I had mine. But this week, some of the best, well “best”, bombshells this company has to offer are going to get in the ring and fight for a chance to face a champion. And the champion in question isn’t Amber Ryan, no, it’s not Royal purple. It’s Myra Rivers…”

“It’d the internet championship.”

“Now, I’m coming off one of my best matches in recent memory getting in the ring and facing Maki, in a match that stole the show, and now I have an opportunity to earn a shot at a championship. And I’m just waiting with my ear to the ground for everyone in Sin city to complain. Because that is what happens in this company. I earn a shot, I win a title, I hold a title and I make it worth something, I lose said title and work my way back up. It’s a goddamn cycle and in between each rotation ninty percent of the women in this company whine and fucking cry like children.”

“Now, you take the blast from the past out of it and the last few matches I’ve had, what’s happened? I beat Mercedes Vargas and the aforementioned Maki.”

“Those are two names that are held in high regard in not just this company but the professional wrestling world. Even though Vargas pisses me off, she’s still a former champion, even though I expected more from Maki she is still a hell of a competitor and even though I won and walked away I still tried to uplift them. I made the comment on twitter that we should be lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down but the truth is that since I walked through the goddamn doors of this company I have been the best and I have been hated for it.”

She scoffs and shakes her head again pacing back and forth.

”And anytime that I have been beaten, any time I have fallen I have been met with relief by others, laughter and joy at my downfall. But that brings me to Myra and the internet title. See, Myra has been an incredible internet champion, holding that championship proudly and facing the best of the best for it. She has made it worth something to the point where six of us are about to get in the ring and fight for a chance to face her. Five of which are former Bombshells champions. And the one odd one out who hasn’t been is a former Internet champion herself. And if you get tossed out on your ass you’re done.”

Alicia whistles and makes a “tossing” motion with her hands before shaking her head.

”But, the place to begin, the logical place, seems to be with the former SCW Internet champion Lucy Seraphina. Especially since she is someone who may not know me. Truth be told, I don’t know much about Lucy. I know she held that title over five years ago, I know she has been absent from SCW and had a few successes elsewhere. And I also know she has a serious personality disorder in not knowing who she wants to be.”

“But, I also feel bad for you Lucy, you are getting in the ring with five women who have climbed higher and been better than you could ever hope to be. And five women who have been in the fires of competition in Sin city wrestling while you’ve been off doing who-the-fuck-cares.”

“So, let me introduce myself to you, cause while you might know Keira, Sam and Roxi, well, you may not know me. You should, but I also know that some people in the wrestling world have their finger far from the pulse and have it squarely shoved right up their ass…”

“So, Lucy, my name is Alicia Lukas and I’m the bitch who has beaten everyone else in the match and has actually held the Bombshells title….three times...and for the longest single reign. All caught up random Goth girl number 14?. Cool...moving on…”

She shakes her head and sighs.

”Roxi Johnson a former two time internet champion herself and Keira Fisher-Johnson. Two of the best professional wrestlers this company has ever seen while also being the type of people that makes my fucking skin crawl. Every wednesday we watch Roxi cuck Keira publically. Every single week we where someone talk about how Keira is forever in Roxi’s shadow despite the fact Keira beat me for the Bombshells title one on one. Something that Roxi failed to do. Now, while I have no doubt Roxi will bring everything she has into the match as well as Keira I have to wonder if their dysfunctional bullshit will rear it’s ugly head again.”

“The same dysfunctional bullshit that led Keira to take a huge steaming dumb on the goddamn Bombshells title.”

“Yeah I said it...and I’ll fuckin say it again..”

“Keira, you beat me. One on one. You got in the ring and you realised your dream and you took the SCW bombshells title from me. I applauded you. I respected you and I sung your fucking praises to the rooftops and as a show of respect I stepped back from taking any rematch against you. Only to watch in disappointment and depression as you walked down to that ring and lost the title to Christina fucking Zdunich of all people. You had a chance to defend that title and go on a long run and instead...you tripped and fell..”

“I guess being a shitty champion is sexually transmitted…”

Alicia spits venom and paces back and forth obviously sick and tired of all the perceived slights.

”And I realise how that sounded Seleana I’m sorry. Cause truth is honey I do like you. You know I do. I hate your wife with the kind of passion usually reserved for wars but you are alright. You are someone who I can respect and admire for your heart and integrity. And now here you are getting ready to fight for another shot at a championship. And, if you do get the shot, go on to win it. You would have held all three titles.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did Sel…”

“Now, Sam Marlowe has that Sam opportunity to. A former bombshells and roulette champion Sam you’re one of the most decorated women in this company and the one title that seems to have eluded you is that internet strap. Here you are ready to go Sam, and I just, I’m sorry but I can’t bring mhyself to care about you anymore. I mean Lucy is weird, and new and someone I have never faced before. Roxi is someone who as far as in ring ability goes I respect but I personally don’t like..at all..”

“Keira pissed me off...and I respect Seleana…”

“But you Sam? You simply, exist. You haven’t been a factor in this company in so long. You haven’t been bombshells champion in five years, roulette champion in two and you were a runner up in the 2017 Blast from the past. You haven’t been relevant in almost the entire time I have been here Sam….and that..well it makes me sad. Here you are, so close to winning all three of these titles and having a shot at Myra...only to be in a position to fail…”

“Because you all have to get passed me to do it…..and that title, is the one championship Wolfslair has never held...so just when you think I didn’t need any more motivation, from the opportunity to win it at all, to beat Myra Rivers and prove I still have it...well there’s that….and now, you all have to try and stop me.”

Professional Help

The last few weeks had been a struggle. Not the usual grind for Alicia Lukas but something different and even more heartbreaking. She couldn’t focus, she couldn’t recover. Every single time she walked in the gym her stomach would ache and turn. She would walk across the mats, move to the back where the weights were and see it, the corner where Austin had stood in front of her. Where he was standing over her and looking down. Where he had grabbed her wrist and squeezed.

She hated it, hated feeling this way, hated feeling so..

Weak

And what was worse, her mask was slipping. Everyday she would walk in and smile, act like everything was fine, act like it was all normal. But the smile was fading, she found herself having a cold sweat, her hands shaking and she would freeze. She would get caught in submissions and holds by students and those who were nowhere near her skill level. People started noticing, they started caring. But Alicia wanted nothing to do with it. She wanted the looks of pity to stop, to disappear. All she wanted right now was to feel...normal.

But what was normal? Alicia never really knew. From day one there was something wrong, she never felt how she was expected to nor wanted to. And now it was made worse. She sat over in the corner by herself, her back against a brick wall, her knees p[ulled up and an open bottle of water next to her as sweat dropped down from her body. She closed her eyes and took a few long deep breaths but could hear footsteps. She opened her eyes to see Sonya Jones, Alex’s wife and one of the cardio trainers at Wolfslair. She smiled and crouched beside Alicia.

”How are you doing Ali?” The question was difficult to answer but simple in it’s delivery. Alicia swallowed hard and tried to smile, putting on that mask again.

She took a deep breath and sent a quick nod. ”I’m good, I’m tired though. I’m trying to get my career back on track.” It was true in some ways, hiding a few feelings wasn’t really lying was it?. But how well did she perform and act?. Had her tone tipped Sonya off? What about how fast she spoke, was her tempo a give away? ”I’ll get back to it...gotta keep the kids on their toes right?” She went to get to her feet grabbing her water.

Sonya stood up to stopping her by reaching out and grabbing Alicia’s shoulder lightly. Alicia flinched, not by much, barely recognisable to most as she also tried to hide it. But it was there. And Sonya saw it, her right eyebrow raising in an inquisitive fashion before stepping back. ”Ali, you know we’re all worried about you…”

Alicia snapped fast, her mask was slipping. ”I’m fine. In fact I’m better than fine. I am sick of people acting like I’m some kind of charity case. Austin grabbed my wrist, big fucking deal.” She shook her head and pushed passed Sonya before stopping and turning with a deep breath. ”I know you’re all looking out for me, I get it. But All I want to do is work, ok?” Before Sonya could say anything Alicia backed up and turned again heading towards the door. She just wanted to go home, she needed to go home.

A Few Hours Later

Her food was cold. Her house was empty. Rory and Ryan were at their grandmothers for the weekend enjoying some time with her. Michael wasn’t home from the office. Alicia has made herself some pasta. A carb heavy and protein heavy dish to aid in recovery and strength. But she didn’t want to eat it. Sonya’s words played on her mind all day and she sighed sliding the bowl forward, getting to her feet and moving towards the garbage disposal in the sink.

The water ran and for a moment she zoned out. Her eyes watching the food slide down the drain, the door clicked, it opened and Michael stepped in. Alicia put the bowl down and spun around plastering that smile on her face, walking up to him and before he could say a word planting a passionate kiss on his lips wrapping her arms around his neck.

As she pulled back Michael raised his eyebrows and smiled. ”Now that was a welcome home…”

He laughed, Alicia gave him a nod. She had shown him her mask and he bought it. Hook, line and sinker.

Or so she thought.

Alicia backed up to the sink and turned, finishing off her bowl and cleaning it, humming under her breath. Michael put his bag down, and folded his arms over his chest. ”So Sonya shot me a text today.” She stopped cleaning, her hand moving and flipping the tap to stop the water. A deep sigh coming from her lips as she waited. ”Ali, you’ve been different.”

Her hands gripped the bench, she swallowed hard and turned, the smile was gone and the mask had faded. ”Stop. Please. Stop. I’m fi-”

”Fine?...you’re not fine.” He stepped forward, his face showing concern and care, ”You haven’t been yourself. Here, at the gym, in the ring. You have been second guessing yourself. And miserable. And trying to hide it. Her eyes welled with tears, she could feel her heart pulsing and beating faster as her hands shook, Alicia was trying to hold it all back, every single emotion she had. But Michael stepped closer, his hands reaching out and touching her arms. ”Everyone cares Ali…”

His hands slid up her arms to her shoulder, she couldn’t hide it now, she couldn’t hold it back. Alicia collapsed into Michaels arms, holding him tight and letting the tears flow. ”I don’t know what to do..”

Michael sighed, he kissed her forehead and smiled. ”Whatever you do...we’re in this together..”

Facing your demons.

This was going to be a rough one. Alicia Lukas, the Strong Style Southern Bell, a woman who had been the best in the world for a large chunk of her career. Now she had zero confidence. But can she look past it? Can she wear that mask?

”Another year, another failed Blast from the past campaign. And I really wanted it to, not just for the title shot, but also to say that I won that tournament. To have that on my resume as an accomplishment. It would have been great. But Cassian and Roxi had other plans, clearly. I can talk about what they did, or didn’t do. But in the end, they beat us. They went on to the next round and Vinnie and I didn’t. It’s a hollow feeling. Especially since you knew you could go further. Vinnie and I are both decorated singles stars...former world champions.”

“But it didn’t matter. We weren’t good enough. And I say WE because it was a tag team tournament. I am not going to sit here and make excuses. I’m not going to sit here and blame Vinnie. In this situation I need to look inward. Look at myself. Cause the Alicia Lukas that is in SCW now, the one that returned from injury, isn’t the same one from the past.”

“Before I got injured. Before I hurt myself in the chamber and then Bobbie Dahl tried to end my career I was damn near unbeatable. I would get in the ring and I had so much confidence that I had most of my matches won before the bell rang. That might seem arrogant of me to say but, well, go back and look. Go back and see the look in my eye, the body language and who I was and what I was capable of. The best SCW had, the best outside the company all came in to try and stop me. My title reign led to records being broken, it led to Roxi and Keira returning to SCW…”

“Face it, my reign saved the bombshells”

A small smile came across her face, she was starting to feel it, she was starting to remember what made her great and for a split second the sparkle in her bright blue eyes was there.

”But, then when I returned I tried to be that same Alicia. And since then I have taken three steps forward two steps back every single week. I have still been making progress, reminding everyone what I can do but I have not been able to set the world on fire like I once did. And some of that is the competition in SCW. We have so many women who are real threats to the title. Keira was a great champion, Roxi can still go, Crystal seems to have rediscovered what made her matter, we still have Amber goddamn Ryan sniffing around, Seleana Zdunich is always dangerous and then...we have my opponent.”

“Melissa FUCKING Aki.”

“Despite her record Maki is dangerous. See she’s sitting there on social media calling herself “Mediocre”. She and I both know she is far from average, far from mediocre. Maki is someone who I am excited to face, not just because I’m eager to get back in the ring and prove my worth, not just because this match is happening at Blaze of glory, but because I know what she is capable of. And no matter the things I am about to say, I am damn proud to face her. And it is an honor to do it on an SCW supercard. See, Maki is a challenge...her in ring style, the things she can do and say. The mind games, the puzzle she has become in the ring for me to solve…”

“This is the kind of match that really gets me executed, it makes me motivated and happy. And a motivated Alicia Lukas? I don’t have to tell you all what that means do I?. I was motivated against Bobbie Dahl, I was motivated against Evie. I am a special talent just like Maki is. But with that being said. We have both made horrible mistakes when it comes to our in ring careers. And the debate is always there….which one of us has had the better one?”

“In SCW, it’s definitely me...but the wrestling world at large? Now that is a debate.”

Her hair was tied back, a few braids moved from the side as she folded her arms over her chest.

”In SCW I was, and in some ways am the gold standard. My name is spoken in the same breath as Mikah. Who before me was widely regarded as the best of the best. But, look at wrestling in general Maki. We both held the same title in WWH. We both have been in multiple other companies and have held championships and beaten many people they would consider to be their best. No one can say you haven’t had a great career, no one can say you aren’t amazing…”

“Compared to me though?”

“As arrogant as it sounds, Melissa Aki comes up a little short.”

“Think about it. What motivates you to beat me or face me? Is it because you want to break free of the mediocre tag you have given yourself? Is it because you want to try and have a run in SCW that matters when it has been, to be kind, lackluster? Or, is it something deeper? Do you want to beat me because deep down you know that the only reason you held the WWH women's world title for seven months was because I left? That might sting, but you know it’s true. A whole host of stars, men and women who were both better than you walked out due to how that company treated it’s talent.”

“And you stayed. Friends of yours, people you respected got treated like shit, and you stayed. Yet here you are now in SCW and you want to make a career out of it?. SCW is everything WWH wishes it could be. And here, I have thrived. I came here when SCW acquired Honor and I never looked back. I was dominant in WWH, I was dominant in Honor and I have been dominant here…”

The final words were growled. Alicia smiles, curling her red lips up into an arrogant grin. She was really feeling it now, her chest puffed out, her shoulders straightened...this was the wolf.

”Here we are though, full circle back to the point. I returned from an injury, won my title back only to lose it and then my opportunity at the Blast from the past, I gave up a rematch because I wanted to fight my way back up from the bottom and I will tell you the same thing I told Mercedes Vargas. I will do anything to climb my way back up to that championship.. You and I are both in a similar position but the difference is my name here has respect on it, I have proof on what I can do and what I’m capable of.”

“I want the real Melissa Aki, I want the woman who once stood in front of me and told me she could destroy me, not the callow woman you have become who stayed in a shit hole because she knew she couldn’t hang with the best and took the low hanging fruit. So at Blaze of Glory, I want to get in the ring with you and I want you to throw everything you have at me. I told you I wanted us to steal the show, so if you don’t come at me, if I think for one second you’re holding back?”

“I’m going to hurt you…”

“This is your chance to wipe the bad taste out of everyone's mouths, to make them forget the performances of the past, to make them see you as a threat in SCW instead of the one thing that you have been. A disappointment. And that isn’t meant to hurt you. That is meant to light a fire under your ass because I know how good you are, I know how good you could be, I know what you’re capable of. So goddamnit Maki, get in that ring, show me that fire and give me the fight I deserve…”

Stepping over a line….

Her head started to bob up and down. Her raycons fitting snug in her ear as her workout mix started. Switching between late 90’s and early 2000’s rock hits and some modern day rap it kept Alicia moving. Her arms moved up and down as she worked with the heavy ropes, the loud smacking sounds of the thick ends crashing against the mats over and over again. The sweat poured from her body as she reached her target time slamming them body down hard. Alicia felt good. Better than she had in months, all the ring rust from her forced time off had gone.

Her body was stronger, her cardio back to where it needed to be. Alicia Lukas was back to the shape she was when she ruled the SCW bombshells division like a queen. A small smile came across her face as she moved over to a treadmill setting the speed and timer.

She had been focused since she walked into the gym this morning, moving through her warm up, rolling on the mats with the other girls, through the weight room, taking a break to have a protein shake and a meal prep with broccoli, tuna and rice. Alicia was making all the right decisions. And she could feel it. She watched tape on Seleana and Jake despite the fact she knew she only had to worry about Seleana and she knew her well. Very well.

Alicia was in shape, confident and happy. She was mentally prepared even if it was going to be her final run at the title.

Blast from the past winner, a great title to add to an already hall of fame worthy career.

That was it, the double edged sword. Alicia had accomplished so much. It had given her confidence and a means to provide for her kids. But here she was, less than three years into an SCW career and she was already ready to go into their hall of fame. A career that saw many long time fans and commentators of this company hold her in high esteem. They said she was as good if not better than the Roxi Johnsons and Mikahs of the company. Something she had proved time and time again.

But, with that success came the fear and risk of complacency. Comfort was the enemy of progress. You become comfortable and the need to move forward seems to become less of a need, less of a want, it becomes something extra. Something of a luxury. Too much effort in some cases. Alicia needed to get out of her comfort zone, and for the longest time, the Blast from the past was the most awkward, uncomfortable thing you could do. Signed up to a single elimination tournament against returning stars and current ones, put with a partner who you may not have met before or who you don’t even like.

But this time, Alicia had an advantage, she was teaming up with a former world champion, a man who had been able to beat both Alex and Austin. Senor Vinnie, it was a great chance.

Two former world champions, two hungry former champions. On the same page and ready to rock and roll.

Alicia stopped her run, the treadmill turning off as she stepped down and grabbed a towel. Her mind was going over everything, from what Vinnie would have to do, all the way through her own side of the match. Going against Seleana again. Something that Alicia was used to. Her mind flashing back to her early title reign and her feud against the entire Rose/Zdunich family. Matches against Seleana, Crystal, Brittany. Even the extended family in Kate. Alicia had faced and beaten them all. But the one she had trouble with and the one she had respect for, the most dangerous one. Was Seleana Zdunich.

Alicia was so deep in thought, the music blaring in her ears, she didn’t even hear Austin walk up behind her. But she felt his presence as he stood behind her. Alicia turned and jumped swallowing hard before turning the music off and taking her earbuds out. She smiled trying to act natural as her heart felt like it was about to burst from her chest. ”Austin, hey!, whats up?” She smiled warmly, swallowing hard again and breathing deep and fast since he surprised her, Austin snarled, his large arms folding over his cheat.

He stood tall over her, Alicia starting to think back to her past, her ex, the father of her children, the other abusive relationships that had come and gone. Chris Cane, Travis Blake, Kaden Kessler. All of them made her feel fear and anxiety. This was a familiar feeling Alicia hated. Her heart not slowing down as Austin puffed his chest out looking even bigger than usual. ”So, want to explain to me why you’re here? Turncoat.” His words stung, her mind was clouded in confusion as she tried to take a step back, Austin matching her to keep the distance the same.

Alicia shook her head, looking around for help. But, there was no one. ”Turncoat W-what are you talking about Aus? I’m wolfslair through and through. She smiled warmly again, adding in a little chuckle.

Austin stepped forward closing the distance even more as his eyes flamed with anger, his teeth grinding together, his arm still strapped up by the black brace. Alicia tried to take a step back but she was against a wall, she turned her head as her breathing became fractured and each exhale was like needles making their way passed her throat. ”You seem so happy to be teaming up with Vinnie. So, so happy. Despite what he did to us..” Austin paused, he tilted his head and lowered his stance near Alicia who bit her lip.

It all came flooding back, and for a moment Alicia Lukas, world champion and tough as nails professional wrestler suddenly felt like Violet Maxwell. 18 year old teenage mother forced into an abusive relationship. Tears welled up in her eyes as she shook her head. ”Aus I...look this is just business. Vinnie and I are going to win the Blast from...it’s just business Aus” She stuttered, she was thinking of excuses, something, anything to appease him and stop this.

Suddenly Austin's good arm shot up, his large frying pan sized hand slammed against the wall with an open palm that made a loud smacking sound next to Alicia’s head. She jumped again and looked away, Austin's voice was menacing and almost a whisper. ”Working with the enemy is paramount to treason Lukas. Vinnie is the enemy. He took two, TWO of my titles, he cheated to beat Alex, YOUR MENTOR. And you don’t care.” He shakes his head and sneers again, Alicia started to hyperventilate.

Her chest heaved, she felt claustrophobic and panicked. She started to shake and tried to push past him, But Austin turned and grabbed her wrist hard. ”Aus...let me go…” He was too strong, his shoulder turning as he yanked her back in front of him.

Austin growled and shook his head. ”Look at you. Weak. You are everything wrong with wolfslair. You and Alex. So willing to forgive and forget. Under my leadership?...that would never happen.” He squashed her wrist hard, her skin bruising as she looked down at it and back up at him, her eyes pleading for him to let go.

”Austin…”

A forceful voice broke the silence, Alicia looked around the hulking mass of humanity in front of her and was relieved to see Alex. His arms folded over his chest, his hair tied back. Hiding blind fury behind his eyes as he stepped forward. ”Let her go.” Austin held on for a moment in an act of defiance, but as Alex lowered his head Austin released his grip allowing Alicia to pull away and move around him. ”Go on Ali, Austin and I need to have a talk.” He didn’t even look at her, his eyes stayed transfixed on Austin, she wanted to stay, she wanted to help Alex. She was worried about his safety, Austin had changed, he had snapped. And there was no stopping him now. Alicia gathered up her gear and went to get out of there, stopping for a moment next to Alex, but out of the corner of her eye she saw it, Alex shook his head. He wanted her gone, and safe.

She hurried away from them, moving through the gym, not even making eye contact with anyone else still left there at the end of the day. She got to her car fumbling the keys and sitting in the drivers seat before letting out a deep breath, her hands still shaking, and tears streaming down her face….

The first hurdle.

”I told you all, that I would do whatever it took to keep my momentum going. I told you all that I wouldn’t do anything that Mercedes herself wouldn’t do. And going into that match at Inception, well I knew what I would be prepared to do.”

Alicia looked up, her eyes sparkled under the bright yellow light above, her lips turning up into a small sneer with cherry red lipstick applied.

”The blast from the past was on the horizon, and I’ve said all this before but bare with me. For a while I wasn’t going to compete in it. I was going to sit back and let it pass me by because deep down I wanted to go back to the beginning, to work my way up, through everyone that are looked at as the easiest matches. Like the Jesse Salco’s and the Bea Barnharts. But when Christian and Mark wouldn’t leave me alone I started to look at it differently. I started to see that being in the Blast from the past is kind of like starting from the bottom. It’s a tournament and you could be eliminated at any time.”

She gives a small shrug, the sleeve on her black and red hoodie pulls up, her black and blue wrist is seen for a split second, her smile fades and she adjusts her clothes before clearing her throat and continuing.

”They convinced me, they showed me that the tournament was my chance to do what I wanted and it was also another feather in my cap. Admittedly my cap is starting to look like a peacocks ass. But nevertheless, they were right.This is a huge opportunity. And, I lucked out honestly. I got a former world champion as my partner. And what more could I ask for? I know for a fact that I will look across the ring and see someone who will hold up their end of the bargain week in and week out. For as long as he and I are in this I know he will do all he can to win. And he has the pedigree to do it to. He’s a former SCW Internet champion and SCW world champion. And who did he beat for those championships? Austin James Mercer. So that right there should tell you how good Vinnie is…”

Alicia smiles again, but her hand reaches over and touches her wrist, she loses focus, she swallows hard and her hand shakes before she adjusts again and continues trying to get back into her groove.

”It, it must be hard. For the other teams. Looking at Vinnie and I together and realising just what they’re up against. A former three time bombshells champion, a record holder, a woman who redefined what it was to be a bombshell, the first woman to be the wrestler of the year…..something people seem to forget…..And someone who has beaten everyone in this company. And Vinnie, a man mountain who will do all he can to win. This is what you all have to face and overcome. Thing is, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy for us. There’s so many great names and combinations in the Blast from the past and the first combination, the ones that are unlucky enough to have to face us. Well, there’s no shortage of talent…”

“Jake Sullivan and Seleana Zdunich. Two people who, much like myself and Vinnie have been to the top of the mountain. Hell, Seleana BEAT me for the title. But, Jake, I can call you Jake right? I don’t have to call you Rage?. Jake is a former three time world champion, A guy who not only managed to be a world champion in Sin City Wrestling formative years but was also able ti win it towards the middle of the company. A guy who was the company’s fourth world champion and beat Nick Jones for it. And honestly, if that was the end of the story it would be impressive enough but the fact he was able to win it again, twice more in fact a few years later by beating Jake Green then Jerimiah Hardin too? I mean, damn Jake...way to make a girl feel all tingly…”

“But, with that being said there’s a problem…”

“See, you came from a time when the competition in SCW was nowhere near what it is today. I mean, lets be honest here, for every J2H running around being an incredible champion you had a Calvin Harris. And then, you up and left. And since you’ve been gone Jake, a new breed of wrestler has become relevant. Now we have people like Kris Ryans, Fenris, Austin, Vinnie, Ben Jordan. We have men in this company who would have dominated the competition. And now here you are, returning for what? Is it a paycheck? Cause that won’t fly. Is it pride? Cause that, well that I could respect and understand.”

“There’s just one problem Jake...you have to get past Vinnie. And his one title reign after he beat Austin, well it was almost longer than all three of yours combined. Vinnie is going to get in the ring with you and show you what you have been missing. Now, I don’t know you, I don’t.”

“I know of you, I have seen tape of you and I respect you for being a former world champion, but the sad fact is, aside from the fact you haven’t been in this company in years and you have not been able to really see the competition and how it’s grown, you had three chances to be a world champion that meant something and every single time you failed. I won the SCW bombshells title, I lost it to your partner, but in a quiet moment between you two, ask her what happened two weeks later. Ask her what I did to her and the run I went on. A run that, well, if we took all three of your reigns and put them together….and then doubled them...still wouldn’t reach that one of mine…”

Her nose turns up as she waves her hand in an overly dismissive manner before continuing.

”But, on the other side of the team we have a woman who I am quite well acquainted with. See, Seleana is someone I know is dangerous and anyone going into a match with her thinking she’s a pushover, well they’ll get surprised and shocked. Seleana is, and this is just my opinion, one of the most underrated professional wrestlers on the planet. Kind of ironic actually, one of the most underrated is married to THE most overrated. Y’all should do an odd couple sitcom, it’d be hilarious. But, with that being said. My point about you still stands Seleana.”

“See, we are way past the hows and why’s of you beating me. Now, in the record book, all that matters is that it says Seleana Zdunich beat Alicia Lukas for the SCW Bombshells championship. You are one of the very very few people min the wrestling world who can say that Sel. Your wife can’t say it, but you can. And after that you were able to win the roulette title and go on a respectable run. It’s just unfortunate that you haven’t been able to get back to that Bombshells title.”

“And even more unfortunate that you have had to run into me.”

“See, if I had stayed out of this tournament Sel, you might be good enough to overcome Jake’s shortcomings and you two might be able to get on a roll and win this. But, since I’m here, since I signed up and I got partnered with Vinnie, well, it will be very, very hard for you to win this. No matter how good you are.”

She can’t help but smile and fold her arms over her chest with an arrogant shine back in her eyes.

”And I get it, Sel you look at this as your gateway back into title contention, cause since you lost to me, since you lost the Roulette title you’ve struggled. And I know what it’s like to struggle Seleana and I know how much it hurts and how frustrating it can be. Only one of us can go through Seleana, and as much as I like you, and deep down, I do like you, I can’t let it be you. This tournament is going to be long and grueling. Vinnie and I have a chance to win it and I am not going to fall at the first hurdle. Bring everything you have Seleana, you and Jake will go at it with me and Vinnie and one team will go through while the other will have to watch from the sidelines….and it sure as shit won’t be the Mariachi Wolves.

Awkward

You know that feeling you get when you walk into a room and your mood changes all because of the feeling in the air?. Like the air has become thick, harder to move through, harder to breathe in and take it into your lungs. That is how Alicia felt walking into Wolfslair. A few weeks before, Austin James Mercer, a man who many considered to be the best of them, had brutally attacked Fenris' brother, and now they were all due to go back to SCW, and Austin was going to face Fenris.

Things just felt wrong. Like there was a fracture there. Like there was some kind of invisible force all around. She took a breath and moved across the main floor passed a whole host of men and women going about their business. They rolled on the mats, talked to each other about different ways to move in and out of moves. It was like any other day except for the feeling Alicia couldn’t shake.

She got to her locker opening it and pushing her back in, she unzipped her jacket and hung it up before closing it and stopping dead in her tracks looking at Austin's locker. It was closed and for some reason it hit her, the feeling was because of him.

Last time Alicia saw Austin he had been in Alex’s face, he had changed his tactics and who he was, and in the beginning Alicia had shrugged it off. She didn’t care. Alicia had always been aggressive and did whatever it took to get an edge over her opponents. With that being said, she’d never attacked someone who wasn’t a wrestler, who was a member of someone's family. Her attacks were always against the person in question. He was the root of it all. Austin's change and anger. He had become worse than she ever was, worse than Alex. She shook her head trying to get rid of the sinking feeling in her stomach and the cloud around her mind.

Alex was here, he was in his office looking down at his desk. He seemed quiet and reserved. She gave a small smile as he looked up, there was only a small reaction before looking back at the papers in front of him. Sonya was in there too. Alex’s wife was always an interesting woman, but she was also a great indicator of how Wolfslair was going. Her emotions showing alot easier than anyone else.

Alicia’s eyes moves around the gym, the newer trainees stood listening to Alex’s younger sister Charlene. She was so regimented, almost as if she had been in the military, there was nothing she could learn there.

Kallie Reznik and Aiden Reynolds stood in a corner taking a water break, they seemed normal. Nothing there either. Maybe it was all in her head. Maybe there was nothing there. The door suddenly flew open, Johanna Krieger stepped into the gym, all the trainees stood up straight and avoided her gaze. Alicia couldn’t help but laugh and shake her head. Johanna moved through the floor to her locker, right next to Alicias.

After a few moments she was done putting her bag and jacket away just like Ali, she looked around the gym, scanning the same way Alicia did. There was a small laugh under her breath as she spoke, her german accent sounding stronger than normal. ”I hate that feeling….this walking on eggshells shit.” Alicia gave a small nod but stayed silent. Johanna looked around and over at the office. She acknowledged Alex and Sonya before turning back to Alicia. ”You feel it to don’t you?”

She swallowed hard and folded her arms over her chest, she kept her voice down so it wasn’t too noticeable. ”Yeah, and I don’t like it either. But I also have no idea what to do about it.” Johanna shook her head, before she could say anything Austin walked in. His towering frame looking intimidating as per usual. The trainees and even Charlie Jones all acted different. It wasn’t even like with Johanna it was, wrong feeling. It wasn’t respect with him, it was fear. Austins actions and attitude had changed everything. Everything about himself and now it was bleeding into the gym. Alicia sneered and growled under her breath. ”I don’t even know who the fuck he is anymore Jo.” Austin went to the far side of the room, throwing his back down and taking his shirt off before stretching to start his work out.

Kallie backed away sheepishly taking her place with the other younger trainees. Charlie gathered them all up to take them to the ring room. Aiden shook his head and looked as if he was about to approach Austin, Johanna stepped forward. ”Ahh shit…” She rushed across the mats to intercept standing between Aiden and Austin. Austin rolled his neck and warmed up with his back to them. Johanna stood close to Aiden and said something under her breath looking over her shoulder at Austin. She shook her head and Aiden sighed heavily backing away. Jo moved back over towards Alicia. Aiden moving to the other room.

Suddenly Alicia felt lonely. Her eyes darting back and forth to find that it was just the three of them in the main room of the gym. Johanna, Alicia and Austin. ”Do you think he even realises what is going on here?” Alicia tried to hide the pained expression on her face. But her features betrayed her, showing fear and worry.

Johanna slowly shook her head and raised her eyebrows. ”No I’ve seen arrogance like this before. A loss of faith. Austin feels like he was wrong, and blind. He feels like he is the one who was wronged. And because he believes he’s right….it makes him dangerous.”

Johanna moves away and across the gym, her chest was puffed out as she stared at Austin who just tilted his head. Johanna was someone who feared nothing. And unlike Alicia she wasn’t as emotionally invested in the gym, in the family they had built. Alex moved from the office, Sonya threw the strap of her bag over her shoulder and made her way towards the carpark. Alicia swallowed hard as Alex approached and tried to hid her feelings. ”Sonya having a half day?’

Alex shook his head leaning back against the lockers next to Alicia looking over at Austin too. ”Something like that.” Austin looked up and grabbed the pull up bar over his head and started his workout. Alex moved around to talk to Alicia face to face. ”I know how you feel...but we’ll all be fine...Wolfslair will be fine…” He gave her a small smile.

Alicia swallowed hard and looked away. ”He just….it’s not the same Austin, what he did to Aron. And what he’s capable of. What will he do on the first show back?” Alex turned and walked back towards the office with a laugh.

”Should be more worried about what Fenris is capable of…”

The Ladder

”I’m far from done….”

The statement seemed obvious. Alicia’s voice was strong and powerful, full of the usual confidence and arrogance we have come to expect from the three time SCW bombshells champion. Her long hair was tied back into a paif of braids that went down either shoulder, her face was in her usual makeup with the single black stripe under her eye.

”And the truth is, that everyone in this division should feel ashamed of themselves. I stepped back and said I wanted to claw my way back up from the bottom and not one of you has staked your fucking claim to try and become the top dog. Keira holds that championship and instead of one of you chasing her down we had her limp through a match with her wife and now face Crystal who hasn’t been relevant since I dug a hole and buried her career two years ago. And I have to sit here and watch it, resolute in my ideals to not rush forward and challenge for the top championship and earn my way back through either destroying this division again or…”

“Well...by winning the blast from the past.”

“I stepped back willingly after losing and I told SCW I wanted to start from the bottom and they have obliged. Kind of. And since I went on this little quest I have quietly been beating those they put in front of me while also having to wait for my chances. And last climax control I had the biggest insult. See, atleast Jesse Salco had something to say to me, atleast she had fire in her eyes when addressing me. Alice Knight? Not only did she have no fire she didn’t even have the stomach to say a damn thing to me about the match or about me. And I told her, I begged her to show me the Alice Knight who won the OCW world title. The one that always threatened to come to SCW but didn’t. And she failed me. She failed all of you.”

“I lost to Keira, I went away and came back better, I beat down Salco, I beat Alice and the only person who has made noise about wanting to make the division better and also face me is Evie Jordan.”

Alicia can’t help but smile folding her arms over her chest, she is decked out in a black top with a black leather jacket over that, she tilts her head and narrows her eyes thinking for a moment before continuing.

”Andrea Hernandez is on some weird ass power trip despite the fact she hasn’t EARNED it. So what about the rest of you? I know how gender works ladies but did your rhetorical balls fall off?. What am I going to do with all of you? It’s like I can’t win. I do my best to drag you and uplift you all up and I get told I’m holding the division and the title hostage. I back away and let you all do it yourselves and we end up with Keira facing her wife in a snoozer and her going against Crystal, we end up with Johanna having to face someone from SCU and GRIME since the three women from SCW in the match, including my upcoming opponent, couldn’t get the job done. And Myra Rivers? She’s been a dominant Internet champion and she has to get in the ring with Candy…”

“A woman that is all heart and no soul. And I love you Candy but it’s true.”

“So what am I to do huh? Someone has to right this goddamn ship and for the longest time it was something I tried to do but was told I shouldn’t by the likes of Roxi, Andrea and Bobbie. So tell me...who wants the job huh? Who wants to be queen?”

“I’ll ask again...WHO WANTS TO BE QUEEN?”

“I’ll tell you right now, none of you really want to because you know damn well it is a thankless job. And it brings me to my opponent for Inception. Mercedes Vargas. Someone who is perplexing to me.And she always has been…”

She chuckles at using the term “has been” in this contect.”

”See, on the one hand Mercedes Vargas is a student of the game. She loves this business and everything about it. She studies it and learns about it and her opponents. She loves to bring up things about people from years ago to use against them and it’s really impressive. She’s someone who you can tell if she respects you or not and deep down I personally believe Mercedes respects me and what I’ve accomplished. Just like I respect her. And how can I not? How can I not look at Vargas’ history and not respect her? And not just in SCW in every other company she has been in…”

“So let me put that little nugget to rest right now. I do respect Mercedes Vargas. I do look at her as a rightful Hall of fame star and I do look at her as a veteran. She paved the way for women like me to become stars. She has never been someone who just cared about her looks or who constantly got in and out of relationship drama. She cares about wrestling and the perception of women in it. So, for that I think all of us, from Andrea Hernandez, to Jessie Salco, to all those masked bitches in GRIME, to me….we need to all thank Mercedes for the road she has paved…”

“But, at the same time, we all need to get together, and politely ask her…..to pull the fuck over and let us pass…”

“See, Mercy is like one of those elderly women who pull over into the zip lane and sit twenty miles under the speed limit. The rest of us are right there behind her ready to go, but she is in the way. And she refuses to move, pull over or quit because she used to be fine at doing this twenty years ago. And I know Mercedes, I know you’ve heard the age thing before and it won’t come as a surprise I’m bringing it up but I’m bringing it up because it’s true and the evidence is there and I’m bringing it up because I care…”

She can’t help but sigh heavily and swallow hard before stepping forward, her voice dripping with sincerity and honesty.

”I know you like your sports Mercy, so I’ll put it into a way you can understand. Like Drew Brees against the Bucs, you’ve proved that you just don’t have it anymore. And everytime you bstep into the ring you just prove it more and more that you cannot hang with the next generation of Bombshells, the generation that I lead, that I represent and that I am better than.”

She smiles warmly, unfolding her arms and shrugging as she paces back and forth.

”Maybe maybe I’m being to harsh on your Mercedes, I mean even a slower, older Mercedes Vargas is still a damn site better than Jessie Salco, Violet Holt or Bae Barnhart. The thing is that, for you that isn’t good enough, clearing that bar for you is more of an embarrassment than anything and it’s only going to get worse. You are a hall of famer, a multiple time champion and you are someone who we should all thank and all respect and that is why I’m being brutally honest with you. Because I don’t want for you to continue to tarnish that legacy that you created and have so much care for. You stepped in the ring with three women a few weeks ago for a shot at the roulette title, you failed and then the very next match instead of accepting that maybe you have lost a step you simply said you didn’t care because you’d already won that title before…”

“Come on Mercy, that’s a lame excuse and a lame outlook. That bis so lame that we should take you out back and put a damn bullet in you like you do to a damn racehorse that broke it’s leg. Then you went out there and lost to Song, and the most heartbreaking part of that is your commenced before that match. That you are at that stage of your career, where you have nothing left to prove…”

“And that right there, that means it’s over.”

“If you have nothing left to prove to the fans, management, opponents or even to yourself then, why are you doing this Mercedes? Is it pride? Do you really want to be like one of those aging gunslingers that walks out there and limps back with their head held high because they still gave it a “good ol try”?. Is that how you want to go out?”

“I guess we’ll see huh? I mean with me you know what you’re getting Mercedes. I’m not going to slow down, I will come at you the same way I do everyone else. And when I’m done with you, I’ll be ready to keep climbing that ladder….while you stand at the bottom...and hold it steady…”

A Wolves Den

2 Years ago

You get out what you put in. That was the mantra in life, in training. If you work hard and put your best foot forward you’ll get a return on life. And the last few days Alicia felt it. At the end of every day she went home and relaxed with her family. Her fiancé, her two sons. She would talk to her sister, her mother and the others she worked and trained with. A support network that seemed to be there when others failed, both professional and personal. Michael had been amazing, since coming into her life a year ago her self worth and self esteem had taken a turn upward. It’s not that she didn’t have the ability to believe in herself or that she needed a man to validate her life choices.

It was about healing.

For years Alicia had been drifting in and out of horrible circumstances. From locking herself away after her abusive relationship with her son's father ended, to coming back to the United States and falling into horrible relationship after horrible relationship. She needed the stability and now she had it. No more emotional terrorise, no more drama and stupidity. Chris Cane, Travis Blake and Kaden Kessler almost broke her. But Michael was the kind of man she needed. An emotional Rick, someone who would look at a mountain and climb it with her.

He had agreed to move from DC to New York, he knew it was a better place for them and after buying a house, getting the boys settled in school and Alicia working at the gym it was feeling like home. Michael transferred his business to a new office only 20 minutes away. Life was good. And this new serenity showed in her body and work ethic. Alicia had always been a beast in the gym, but this was a different attitude.

A different way of thinking.

For years she had been miserable but still succeeding in life and wrestling. But now she was smiling. Happy at home, happy at the gym, happy at work. And today was just like any other. The last few weeks she would turn up to the gym, put her bag in her locker and then go about her routine. Stretching, cardio, weights and finally may work. Seeing the young hopefuls with their fresh faces made her remember what it was like to start in wrestling.

It took her back to Japan.

The first day she walked in, the smells, the noises, the vision of so many people working together. It was new, fresh and exciting. But for three years her body paid the price. The Japanese style was all about violence, controlled aggression. And on rookies they were particularly harsh. They broke her down, built her up. And it gave her success. The champions mindset.

But now she stood on the main floor of the gym, she was warmed up ready to go, she gave a small smile as Alex walked up to her. He seems to have something on his mind, his long hair tied back away from his face as he was decked out in his own workout gear, black shorts and a skin tight compression shirt. [color-red]”Hey I need a favor.”[/color]

This should be good. Alicia folded her arms over her chest with a grin. ”What do you need?”

Alex cleared his throat and turned on looking over at someone, Alicia‘s eyes Trail over to find a woman standing just outside his office, she was talking to Alex’s wife Sonja. She was about the same height as Alicia, long blonde hair that was done in dreadlocks tied back and up away from her face, her upper body covered in tattoos and also very muscular. ”I need you to work with someone.” Alex pause for a moment, he turned and motion for Alicia to follow him as he walks slow enough that he could finish his thought. ”Her name is Johanna, she’s had some experience in Europe, but she came here to train...can you see what she’s got?” Alicia gave a small note and a smile, they moved up to where the two women were talking, Alex paused for a moment and waited as he got their attention. ”Alicia, Johanna, Johanna, Alicia….she’s going to be assessing you”

Johanna gave a nod of understanding looking over at Alicia offering a handshake. Alicia took her hand could not believe how strong she felt she could almost feel bones in her hand cracking. ”Thank you for the opportunity.” she had a strong German accent, her English was perfect but there was still something there. Alicia hit Alex on the shoulder and gave him a smile before leading Johanna to the grappling mats.

”Alright….let’s do this…”

Nobody's Listening.

It was a strange feeling. Not having the championship over her shoulder, not having it close by just in case she wanted to show it to the camera to remind everyone the position that she held. The position was no longer hers, that championship no longer in her possession.

”Mistakes, we all make them. It is nothing to be ashamed of, we all have missed steps in life that seem to change the direction that we’re heading. The key though, is making sure that you do not make the same mistakes over and over again. That you actually examined where you went wrong and you pick up lessons and learn and grow. I repeated my mistakes, for the first time in a long time I stand here without a clear direction of where I want to go and what I want to do. For the first time in a very long time I have to be brutally honest with myself and not just opponents in the rest of the division, I have to look at myself and realise where I went wrong and what I need to do to fix it.”

“Back when I walked into this company I was already a start, everyone who is watching from home knew it, everyone who would just come into this company with me it, it was just a matter of everyone feels in sin city wrestling accepting that fact. I won the bombshells championship, but then lost it in my first defence. I promised myself I would never make that mistake again and when I won the championship back, well we all know how that turned out. But here I am my third rain suffering the same fate as my first and I don’t know where to go or what to do.”

“i’m not someone who believes that I should just get a rematch right away, I’m not someone who is going to chase after that opportunity.“

“But what do I do now?. Where do I go?. Part of me wants to just start going after the best of the best. I wanted to face Amber Ryan but unfortunately she’s needed to take some time away from the ring. So, do I go after Andrea? Do I go after Myra? Who about Kate Steele?. The truth is, I think I just need some time to rediscover what it was that made me great. Face weather that the company wants me to, explode and chase down the biggest scalps in this company.”

She steps back and forth, her hand sliding to the front pockets of her skinny black jeans.

” some people say that I’ve actually lost a step. That’s why I lost the championship right? That’s why I seem to have had more problems now in the last few months that I had in the years previous. Because I’m not as good as I once was right? Do you all remember that I still here, many times over and over again and told everybody, fans, members of management, all of my fellow bombshells, I told every single one of you one of my goals was to raise everyone up to that level. The only way you can get better is if you face people who are willing to learn and also improve. See for every Dani Weston, Evie Jordan and Andrea Hernandez there was a Violet Holt, Bea Barnhart and Jesse Salco….”

“For every woman willing to learn and stand up and become a better version of themselves there was one who held onto every single mistake that they were making, and was happy enough to just do the same thing over and over again. The truth is, I’m happy that Keira has reached the top. I’m ecstatic that I was proved wrong. I like being proof from, it reminds me that I’m still human and that I don’t know everything in that I can’t just do everything. I told her to prove me wrong, and she went out to the ring and she did it and now Keira Fisher Johnson is your world bombshells champion. She has the right to call herself the best. And no matter what people like Mercedes Vargas think...she earned it…”

“How long will she keep it? How far can she get as the champion? How will she deal with all the pressure that comes with being a marked woman?. I don’t know. Neither do any of you.”

“But what I do know, is that there is one woman in this company that has refused to do anything different and it has been a complete detriment to her career and also how people view her in this business.”

At least she gives a small not an alive, she takes a long deep breath before choosing her words wisely.

”Oh Jessie. It didn’t take very long did it? It did not take you very long for you to open your mouth and make a complete and utter ass of yourself. A few weeks after you blasted my stable mate Johanna Krieger for asking for and receiving a rematch that she deserved, you are caught on social media running your mouth about how you could be champion. Why?. Why do you think you deserve a crack at the champion, why do you think you deserve to even be in the ring with someone like me Jessie? The short answer is, you don’t.”

“And I know that everyone has said that to you and I also know that you were gonna come out swinging and say that that is typical of me to say and all of that crap. But you need to go and look in the mirror and actually ask yourself, why do you deserve bigger matches?“

“You  live in this delusional world where you are one of the best professional wrestlers on the planet today that you have not done a goddamn thing to prove it. I talked about mistakes earlier, and that is the key difference between you and me. I mean, aside from the fact I know how to actually be a champion. You make mistakes and you don’t learn from. You talk about wanting a championship match and you talk about being the best of the best and then when you actually come close to any of the top names in this business, you fail. You stumble and you fall and that is not a bad thing. We fall and we get up that is what we do in this business.”

“But when you fall and get back up, you don’t learn from it. You trip over a stick, you don’t trip over it again, but all you have been doing for years is tripping over a stick and landing on your face and the worst part is it’s not even a new fucking stick Jessie.”

She seems to get angry, not angry at her insinuation of wanting a title shot, angry that she won’t just learn her fucking place and try and grow from her mistakes.

”You have had 170 matches in this fucking company, and you have lost 123 of them. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to sit there and figure out that that is a horrendous record, and you do deserve some credit for coming back time and time again and putting all of your effort in but you also completely destroy your point and you destroy anyone giving a shit about you by constantly running your fucking mouth and never learning anything.”

“Show some fucking humility.”

“And hey, I get it that is rich coming from me right? After all, I’m one of the biggest egos in this company and this business. But I have learned enough to validate it. I go out there each and every week and I do my best and most of the time I get my hand raised, I do things for the betterment of this company and the division as a whole. And when I do you get beaten, I admit it. I admit my mistakes, I admit that the other person was better and then I get up and dust myself off and I move on. But you? You lose and you get beaten and you make excuses and never except what is happening. And because of that you will never grow, you will never get better, and that championship will be forever out of your grasp.”