The match was brief.  Surprisingly so, if you were a fan.  Less surprising, if you were Jessie Salco or Nicolas L. Blair.  Their confidence was growing.  As a team, they were showing dominance.

In his last match, Nicolas had broken the ankle of his opponent, sending out a message about his return.  He may have been all smiles and jokes, but he was still a serious, dangerous competitor.  This week, he had made Brother Grimm tap out.   The message became even clearer – he wasn’t going to be intimidated.

After the match, Jessie and Nicolas had celebrated in the ring, sharing a perhaps-a-few-seconds-longer-than-appropriate hug, before Nicolas had parted the ropes for her and the two headed to the back.  Jessie had headed to the interview area to send out a few words to the world, but Nicolas was blindsided before he could begin changing and packing up.

“Nicolas Blair, could we catch a few minutes with you for an interview?” One of SCW’s many women, all of whom seemed factory designed to remind you of more famous women celebrities, hovered near him with an iPhone at the ready to record.  â€œWe’d like to record and transcribe your first formal interview back for the SCW website.”

Nicolas looked at the woman and wondered what ridiculously sexist name fate had saddled her with.  Jennie Talia, maybe?  Grande Titons? Cooter McGee?  Regina Vagina?  It probably didn’t matter.  

“All right.” He agreed, grabbing a towel to dry off a bit.  He’d worked up only a little bit of a sweat making Brother Grimm The Boogeyman Most Terrible Greater Than God Or Satan tap as frantically as if such things as a corroded artery or a hyperextended knee bothered his transcendent ethereal greatness.  Funny how that worked.  â€œBut, the interview has to be outside.  It’s stuffy as Hell’s Handbasket in here.”

He grinned, wondering if the interviewer would reply ‘well, you would know’ or any other such clever bon mot, but no such comment came.  Oh, well.  Cooter McGee would have had a clever comeback.  

The two stepped outside into the night, clear and cool.  The sun had set but the Western sky was still painted with oranges and pinks that muted into the inky darkness of space above them.  The skyline of the capitol was stark against the show of colors.

“Look at that.  Nice.” Blair commented, cracking his neck a little bit.

“Ready?” The interviewer asked.  Blair nodded.

***
The following article was posted up on Monday, April 24, 2017 on the SCW main website.

Nicolas L. Blair Speaks Out About His Past, Blast From The Past, Dance-offs and His Plans For the Future

Two in a row.  Nicolas L. Blair and Jessie Salco defeated Brother Grimm and Misty at Climax Control, bringing them out of the second heat of the Blast From the Past Tournament.  Yet, even after these two exemplary performances, newer fans of SCW and wrestling in general may not be familiar with Jessie’s tag team partner, the shockingly crimson-haired Nicolas L. Blair.  This dynamic face from the past has been turning heads for the last couple of weeks with an unorthodox attitude and an unnerving smile.  We sat down with Mr. Blair after his submission defeat of Brother Grimm to get a few words to introduce him to the SCW fans, and get his thoughts about the rest of the Blast from the Past Tournament.

SCW.com:  Mr. Blair, first off, congratulations on both of your wins.  Twice, you’ve taken the win while Jessie Salco has kept the female half of your opponents from interfering.  How does it feel to make such a decided impact right away?

Blair:  It was my goal from the beginning to show everyone a new side of the devil, and I think people are starting to understand just what that means.  

SCW.com:  For people who may not have been around the last time you graced SCW, here’s a little background.  You and Mark Ward began a rivalry to end all rivalries back in the defunct Generation X Wrestling promotion.  And when Sin City Wrestling came into being, that rivalry gained new life during Mark’s infamous ‘retirement tour’ a couple years ago.

Blair:  Christian Underwood is the man who has been responsible, both then and now, in arranging for me to come to SCW.  The last time I was here, though, things didn’t exactly go my way.

SCW.com:  That’s right.  Fans who have looked through the video archive saw a very different Nicolas L. Blair than the man they see today.  You had black hair, wore a suit-

Blair:  Smoked like a chimney.  Even in the ring!

SCW.com:  And you seemed to enjoy using some bizarre, sometimes frightening tactics back then to play mind games on your opponents.  After all, you claim to be the devil-

Blair: POSSESSED by the devil.  It’s a markedly different thing.  

SCW.com:  Of course.  So it made sense that some of the tactics you used to try to get under Mark Ward’s skin almost seemed to border on the supernatural.

Blair:  And that, quite frankly, was my biggest mistake.  One I won’t repeat again.  Some of the things did seem affecting to Mark, of course, but the overall effect was that he overcame his fears and his weakness, and he defeated me.  I had to retreat for a while and come to understand what was wrong with my tactics.

SCW.com:  And what did you discover?

Blair:  I realized that in the world of today, in front of an audience that is growing cynical and weary of the same old trash, all I was presenting was parlour tricks they’d seen before.  Jump scares and clichés.  It was predictable and worse, it was dull.  I was the Saw 4 of professional wrestlers.  Let me give you this example.  Let’s say that I’m facing someone in a wrestling match, and I promise, out loud, in a promo, that I’m going make them eat their own soul.  That’s ridiculous!  No wrestling match in all of history has featured the act of someone eating their own soul.  It’s a baseless, empty threat.  An opponent can – and should – laugh that off as stupid.  Instead, look at what I did to Xander Bishop.  I broke his ankle.  I destroyed his ability to make a living in the wrestling ring.  I ruined his chances at fame, money and glory.  He’s a man who now has no choice but to face the things he’d been neglecting out of the ring…the life that was falling apart around him.  I didn’t make him ‘eat his soul,’ but I did indelibly change his life for the worse.

Or what just happened with Brother Grimm.  Now there’s an example of what I’m talking about.  I made Brother Grimm tap out.  How spooky are someone’s mind games going to be after you’ve seen them cry uncle?  Did you hear the previous week when he threatened the lives of his opponent’s family?  Did your eyes glaze over as much as mine did?  The context of what we do in the ring is as important as the context of who I am, as a man possessed by the devil.

SCW.com:  So, no soul stealing for you?

Blair:  I already possess a soul.  If anyone wants to try to take it from me, they’re welcome to try.  Others have, and I’m still here.

SCW.com:  There’s something our fans may be wondering about; how did you come to be, uh, possessed in the first place?  Is that something you can talk about?

Blair:  In this era of technology and the agonizing micro-management of the cataloging of the careers of even the most d-list of celebrity, I’m sure that information is out there to find.  The fan-things may want to start at Wrestlepedia or whatever the information-gathering source for tidbits about wrestling promotions who don’t have major tv clearance is.  To me, that just past isn’t very interesting.  I am who I am…most of the time.  And I live in the present moment.

SCW.com:  As we are doing this interview, the next opponents for you and Jessie in Blast from the Past have been announced on Climax Control by Mark Ward.  It is going to be Lord Raab and Evie Baang taking on the two of you.  Both of them seem to be even matches for the two of you, though Lord Raab does outweigh you by about ten pounds.  What is your strategy for Raab, the current Internet champion and notorious as one of SCW’s most violent fighters?

Blair:  That poor, poor man.

SCW.com:  What do you mean?

Blair:  Lord Raab is a man who has been exploited, clearly.  SCW is taking someone with a verified, diagnosed mental illness and putting him in an environment where not only is his illness stigmatized and exploited for profit, it is blatantly misrepresented and sends a message out to the masses that demonizes mental illness as a whole.  Sitting out there in the audience is some poor child, who has internalized this and now it’s going to take that child that much longer to reach out for help with their own mental struggle.

SCW.com:  Lord Raab actually brings his psychologist to the ring with him to monitor his actions and help him to embrace the violence.

Blair:  Has anyone seen this alleged psychologist’s diploma?  I’ve dealt with mental health professionals….believe me, I have, and if what this man is endorsing is some twisted version of the concept of confrontational counseling, doing it outside of the most strictly controlled laboratory setting isn’t just frowned on, it’s considered unethical.  Lord Raab isn’t a man who needs to be forced to confront his issues in this way…he’s not an alcoholic who won’t take responsibility.  That doctor shouldn’t just be stripped of his doctorate, he should be arrested and jailed.  How am I supposed to feel, inflicting pain and violence on – or receiving from! – Raab, a man who has been so unduly exploited and forced into an unsafe working environment that takes such blatant advantage of his debilitating psychological condition!  This is a disability we’re talking about.  Next, should I have to wrestle a one-legged man or a cancer patient?  Where is the compassion?!  Should it really take a Devil to advocate for a disabled man?

SCW.com:  Mr. Blair, are you pulling everyone’s leg?  This level of concern seems more appropriate for a college campus ‘safe space’ than Sin City Wrestling.

Blair:  FAR be it from me to engage in the sort of dog-whistling that alerts the young and protest-minded to come to SCW events and disrupt them with demonstrations against Lord Raab’s exploitation and in favor of a more woke and ethical treatment of mental illness, Ms. Interviewer.   I’m simply clearly stating all of this outrage and advocating for Mr. Raab’s mental health because I am a concerned citizen of the world, who wants to see the best for every person, regardless of their race, creed, color, or pending match against me.  I’m just giving a little sympathy from the devil.

SCW.com:  Of course.  So, given that this match is going to happen no matter what, do you have a strategy in mind that will take into account Lord Raab’s, er…mental state?

Blair:  I feel that our match should be changed into something that is less likely to negatively impact his tragically degenerated mental facilities.  The man can barely string two sentences together without creating a hanging participle or failing to remember the correct tense.  More blows to the head would just make things worse.  I believe – and I shall have my agent contact Christian Underwood and Mark Ward and strongly recommend – that our match should be turned into something much less exploitative… like, say, a dancing contest.

SCW.com:  You think that you and Lord Raab should decide, in the ring, who should advance in Blast From the Past, by way of a dancing contest?!

Blair:  Well, let’s be equal to all four parties in the ring, it should also involve Jessie Salco and Evie Baang having their own dance-off as well.  Or, if they mutually agree and find it equitable, perhaps some other contest devoid of this distasteful exploitative violence against the mentally disabled…maybe an arm wrestling match, or a rousing game of musical chairs.  There is precedent for all of these matches taking place instead of wrestling matches.  Anything to prevent from exploiting this poor, infirm, mentally damaged Lord Raab.  Yes, we punch in professional wrestling, but we must punch up, not down.

SCW.com:  This seems like a very different approach than you had for your last two matches.

Blair: My last two matches were against men of sound mind and body.  Lord Raab not being of sound mind, but being of acceptably fine body, I believe it would benefit both him and the fans if we were to shake our groove things to determine a winner.

SCW.com:  To be honest, it’s not known how skilled of a dancer Lord Raab is.

Blair:  A competent, truly prepared professional wrestler is ready for any challenge that may happen in the context of wrestling.  For instance, not only am I devilishly good at delivering pain in the ring, I am an accomplished dancer, a Karaokee master, hold several victories in backwoods bar arm-wrestling, trained at the finest musical chairs academy in Georgia, and I play the fiddle at an acclaimed championship level.  I've studied advanced physics at MIT to accurately determine the ideal trajectory with which to toss my opponent into any variety of object: dumpster, grave, mud pit, kiddie pool of gravy, what have you. AND I’ve even carefully studied textile and thread breakage elastomerics in the chance that I’m called on to compete in a tuxedo or evening gown match.

SCW.com:  The mental image of you and Lord Raab in an evening gown match would definitely entertain some of SCW’s fan base.

Blair:  Yes, that’s exactly what I’m here for.  I’m a violent agent of change AND a creator of nigh-impossible-to-forget mental images.

SCW.com:  Well, it will remain to be seen if anyone in SCW accepts your…proposal for the match.  It seems unlikely, since historically the Blast From the Past tag event has been a very straightforward tournament.

Blair:  A sunrise doesn’t last all morning, and a cloudburst doesn’t last all day.  All things must pass away.  

SCW.com:  Suppose that Jessie and you do manage to go all the way and win the tournament.  It was announced that Mark Ward has offered you a full-time SCW contract this very evening.  So now, the question that has to be on every SCW fan’s minds:  Will you remain in Sin City Wrestling?  Do you have other goals in mind?

Blair:  Well, I would point out that Jessie had to defend her title in our first match yet here Lord Raab isn’t defending his, which doesn’t seem exactly fair, but like I said, I didn’t come to the Blast From the Past Tournament with the intention to exploit mental illness and the title seems to be one of the few things that brings that poor downtrodden man a little joy in his sad, disquietly unnerving life.  On the other hand...I really do feel that my holding one of SCW’s titles would bring a level of prestige to it, of course.

SCW.com:  Is there anyone else in SCW you have an eye on facing someday?

Blair:  If your goal isn’t to be THE champion, why are you even bothering to compete?  The SCW world title has become a hot potato lately, and I know that I could take the heat.  I chose to sign that offered contract, I might make it the object of my attention like I’ve made the victory in this tournament.  Rage, Drake Green, Jeremiah Hardin, whoever’s holding the title, I truly would like to see how we measure up to each other.

SCW.com: Presumably in an actual wrestling match and not a dance contest.

Blair:  Unless that’s what their heart truly desires.   I’m very adaptable, and I love to have fun.  Don’t you love it when announcers point out that a wrestler, usually one debasing themselves on live tv, loves to have fun?!  Who doesn’t like to have fun?

SCW.com:  That does lead us to another excellent question SCW fans would surely like to see an answer for.  What does Nicolas L. Blair do for fun?  What do you do when you’re not in a wrestling ring?

Blair:  Well, why don’t you come with me tonight?  We’re in DC!  The capitol of the United States!  And yes, it’s a Sunday night, but I assure you, I still know where to go to have a Hell of a good time.

Thanks to Mr. Blair’s invitation, SCW cameras were able to follow him as he left the arena and the night went on.  The results of that adventure will be posted up tomorrow on SCW.com!  Stay tuned!


This article has 6 comments.

BlairPunkFish

As the main editor of the NLB article on Wrestlepedia, I take great offense at this article claiming that NLB’s past is “boring.”  Whichever office worker typed this so-called ‘interview’ up completely does not know Nicolas L. Blair even as well as the most clueless editor on Wrestlepedia.  NLB’s past is a rich canopy of lies, deception, betrayal and violence that most plebian wrestling fans don’t have the capacity to properly appreciate, much less write about.  This interview is so obviously fake it’s sad.  For real facts about NLB, people should definitely check out the Wrestlepedia articles about him because the SCW site is so lazy it doesn’t even barely scratch the surface.  Is there some law that articles on this site can’t go over 2,000 words or something?  Why aren’t they getting the answers TRUE fans want to know?

BTW the Blair/Salco v Grimm/Misty match tonight was way too short and the show had way too many stupid segments on it of people just talking.  If I wanted to hear wrestlers talk, I’d download a podcast.  Give your paying customers what they deserve!!!

Jill Evansreplying to BlairPunkFish

Wrestlepedia is an okay source but I think the editors there go into business for themselves too often and kind of stretch the truth or make things up to fill gaps in wrestlers histories.  Like, if you look at NLB’s entry it links to youtube videos that don’t exist anymore and it refers to the infamous Peachtree Bingo Hall riot in 2013 as an ‘exorcism’ which just isn’t true, it was drunken fans jumping the rail and getting arrested.

BlairPunkFish replying to Jill Evans

Um, actually, I had a chance to see the video before YouTube was intimidated into pulling it down back in 2014, and it was utterly a failed exorcism attempt, that to be fair, DID happen in the middle of a riot.  But the riot was just a smokescreen conspiracy to hide what was really going on.  There’s a whole radicalized “Christian” cult in Georgia called The Unbent Nail that’s out to get NLB and Sin City doesn’t even want to address that legal mess so they pretend like it never happened.

BlairPunkFish replying to Jill Evans

Also, I was the one who edited that section of NLB’s profile on Wrestlepedia to clear up several misconceptions that fans have about him and I did not ‘stretch the truth’ or ‘make things up’ and it’s really offensive that you would even imply that.  I bet that Jill Evans isn’t even a real name and you’re just one of those people from my Sin City roleplay group that booted me out, following me around the internet trying to discredit me.  Get some professional help, that’s just so sick.  Isn’t it bad enough that you took away one of the tiny, escapist joys in my life by banning me from the roleplay?  Do you have to take everything about this hobby away from me too?  That level of obsession is just so sad

Jill Evans replying to BlairPunkFish

Uhhhhh….wtf?!!!!  Who needs professional help here?!!!

BlairPunkFish replying to Jill Evans

I can’t believe SCW doesn’t have a report function for the comments on their articles.  UGHHHHHH

***
When a cameraman and one of SCW.com’s interviewers agreed to tail Nicolas L. Blair after his match to see what he did for fun, they weren’t quite sure what to expect.  A late Sunday Night in Washington D.C. doesn’t sound like fun just waiting to happen.  But whatever possible expectations they had, the two SCW representatives hadn’t quite been ready for this.

They were seated in a red hot ’67 Chevy convertible, with the top down, going almost 80 miles an hour down the freeway, trying to keep up with Nicolas Blair, who was driving the car in front of them.  He was easy to keep sight of, because his own once-classic Chevy was pimped-out with LED undercarriage glow lights, bright neon yellow and orange airbrushed flames, and a pair of devil horns sculpted onto the hood of the car.

The devil really WAS in the detailing.

Driving the second car was a black-haired woman with a cool demeanor, constantly-amused smile on her face, and a sharp green power suit covering her curvaceous frame.  She had introduced herself as Eve Stiles, Nicolas Blair’s agent and handler.

“You’re not getting blown away back there, are you?” Ms. Stiles asked her two passengers.  â€œNicolas likes to drive fast and sometimes it’s hard to keep up.”

“It’s all right!” The interviewer held back her own hair.  Which one of SCW’s lady interviewers was it?  It really wasn’t important, as they were clearly designed to be interchangeable and easily replaceable.    â€œWe do video shoots for wrestlers out on the town all the time, so we’ve seen pretty much everything.”

“I bet you have.” Eve deftly switched lanes, keeping up with Nicolas’s driving.  â€œI don’t think you’ll see any shootings or kidnappings or attempted assaults tonight, though.  Nothing quite that dramatic.”

“Really?  You don’t think partying with Satan is going to be dramatic?” The interviewer asked.  â€œHow long have you worked for Mr. Blair?”

“I’ve been his agent for about 3 years, but we’ve known each other our whole lives.” Eve replied, carefully signaling as she followed Blair to a highway exit.  â€œI mean, the life of his host body, of course.”

“So you believe that he’s actually…” The interviewer trailed off.  She wished that the cameraman would turn his camera on, instead of looking concerned as hell about where they were going.

“Oh, I KNOW he’s the devil.”  Eve replied matter-of-factly.

The interviewer wasn’t really sure what to do with this information.  The opinions of Blair’s agent were outside of the scope of the story they were assigned to film, but it still seemed like such a strange detail, something that maybe the people who watched SCW should know.

“You can relax.” Eve assured the interviewer with a smile as they turned down a brightly-lit road.  â€œWe’re not taking you to an animal sacrifice or anything like that.  That would be ridiculous and wildly inappropriate in a professional capacity.”

“Oh…thanks…” The interviewer replied, not wanting to seem rude but still clearly a bit uncomfortable.  â€œWorking for SCW, you see…a lot of things.”

“Listen, the truly evil people of today…they don’t identify themselves in klan robes or facepaint or masks to make it easy for you to pick them out of a crowd.  Times have changed.  They look the same as you and me.  They use their ‘just like you’ looks to infiltrate places of power and to make the weak-minded listen to their ideas. Then, once they’re given power they abuse it against the ones who put them in power in the first place.  Doesn’t that sound familiar?”

The interviewer nodded.

“Compared to that, Satanists are actually some of the most reasonable, most pro-empowerment sects of people in the world. ” Eve smiled as they parked next to Blair’s car in a nondescript parking lot, in front of a building that looked like it used to be a factory.  â€œYou could even call Nicolas a complete SJW…Satanic Justice Warrior.”

“Is this an old canning factory?” The cameraman finally spoke up.  SCW cameramen rarely spoke, being highly trained professionals who were there to record the action, not be a part of it.  But for some reason, this entire situation filled him with an odd sense of unease.  Why were they in the middle of the manufacturing district?  Where was ‘a good time’ here?

“That’s what it used to be, yes.” Eve replied.  Nicolas was ahead of them, giving them an enthusiastic wave with a manic smile on his face.  Before they could catch up, he opened a door on the front of the decrepit factory and ran inside.  â€œThese days, that’s just a façade.  Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Are you ready to start filming?”

Eve Stiles opened the door to the warehouse and invited the cameraman and the interviewer inside, stepping in behind them and closing the door.

They began to film.

***
The following video was posted on Sin City Wrestling’s free Youtube channel on Tuesday, April 25, 2017.

SCW Post Climax Control:  Party with Nicolas L. Blair!

After pressing play, the first thing the viewer saw, of course, was the SCW logo superimposed on the black screen.  An ad for the subscription service popped up in the corner, and links to other post-Climax Control videos cluttered up the screen as well.  Soon, the SCW logo faded and it became clear that the background wasn’t black…it was just very, very dark.  Standing in the middle of the darkness was one of SCW’s interviewers…it really didn’t matter which one as they were essentially interchangeable.  The camerawork iris-ed in and out a few times, trying to take advantage of what little light was available in the scene, which to the viewer looked like the inside of a manufacturing plant…?!

“Hello, it’s *unintelligible* here for SCW and-“ The audio faded in and out a little bit thanks to the echo reverberating.  The interviewer quickly ducked and then looked up above her.  â€œWas that a BAT that just buzz-bombed me?!”

“We’re going to get murdered in here, I just know it…” The cameraman muttered, breaking his professional code of being silent while filming.

“We’re here in, uh, what seems to be an abandoned aluminum can factory…” The interviewer picked up an old, rusty and dented can from a nearby ancient assembly line with her thumb and forefinger with an air of both caution and distaste.  â€œI’m not quite sure why Mr. Blair led us here, unless he thought that giving me tetanus would serve as an allegory for having to wrestle Lord Raab…”

“HEY!” A bright rectangle of light at the other end of the factory floor illuminated…a doorway with the silhouette of Nicolas Blair poking his head in.  â€œWhat the sweet Hell are you two doing over there?!  Didn’t you follow the arrows on the floor?”

“Arrows…?”  The interviewer asked as the camera zipped downward to look at the floor.  The viewer of the video could now see, faintly illuminated, a series of arrows that would have led an observant person past the assembly floor and to the opened door where Nicolas Blair stood, tapping his toe impatiently.

“Come on, come on!  The fan-things need to be shown around!”

“Fan-things…he calls his fans ‘things’…” The interviewer said to herself under her breath as she carefully followed the glowing safety arrows towards the door.  The camera trotted behind, causing the scene to look very shaky…annoying perhaps, to the viewer of the video as it was difficult to get a good look at Nicolas Blair.  With the light pouring in behind him, it was hard to make out what shirt he was wearing but it definitely appeared to be covered in enough cartoon flames and tiny cartoon devils to make Guy Fieri think it was a little OTT.

“Come and join the celebraation.” Nicolas grinned as the camera peered up at him and then began to pan across the scene.  This must have once been the packing and shipping part of the warehouse, a giant expanse of space clad in concrete walls.  But now those walls were covered in neon paint, practically rattling from the sounds of live music being blasted across the warehouse.  Each wall was a different, twisted bootlegged depiction of pop art…Porky Pig’s head on Wile E. Coyote’s body on one wall, being immolated in living flames.  A painting of bright pink Star Wars Stormtroopers in sexually suggestive positions was on the opposite wall.  

Bright lights swirled on a dance floor across from a bar where dozens of people, in various, colorful dress, were receiving drinks.  Some of them were in full-bodied fur suits.  Others were barely wearing speedos.  

“Is…is that…” The interviewer gaped, at a loss for words.  â€œA mini golf course?”

“It is!” Blair grinned as a couple of putters dressed as sexy cartoon wolves walked by, handling their balls…golf balls, that was.  â€œThis is the Fourth Circle Wonderlaand.  If you don’t know about it, you WON’T know about it.  And now you know about it, thaanks to me.  You’re welcome!”

He grabbed the camera lightly and pointed it back at himself so that any person viewing would be sure to catch his indulgent wink.

“I hope Lord Raab and Evie Baang don’t mind me borrowing their extra’s a’s.  I didn’t realize it was so fun to taalk like that!  Very memoraable!  An excellent way to distinguish your braand!”

“So…” The interviewer, gathering herself and noticing that she suddenly had in her hand a fizzing drink with a blue liquid slowly drizzling around inside of another clear liquid.  â€œThis answers the question from the end of our interview?  When the devil wants to have fun, he goes to…whatever this is?”

“Pretty sure this may actually be hell…” The cameraman muttered as a couple of thrashdancing dancers wearing only the tiniest of speedos began grinding up to the camera, in high definition glory.

“Sometimes.” Blair replied, someone handing him a drink that looked like it had goldfish crackers swimming in it.  â€œThis place is pretty unique.  It’s the deluxe package, the king of the crop.  Part paarty, part disco, part mini golf, part rave.  I guess, in honor of my future opponent, you could call it a LORD RAAVE.”

A young woman wearing mostly glitter walked up to Nicolas.  She pulled out a tube of blue lipstick and started drawing on his face intently.

“S’cuse me for a bit, won’t you?  Why don’t you look around, amuse yourselves?”

The viewer of the video was then treated to a musical montage, showing off the Fourth Circle Wonderland as stock music played, no doubt to avoid possibly having to pay licensing rights on any of the copyrighted music being played in the venue itself.  

Artsy shots of the murals on the walls.

Manic, zooming in-and-out shots of people dancing on either side of the warehouse, where two bands seem to be playing opposite each other.

A table where people who wouldn’t look out of place in Mad Max: Fury Road were eating mini donuts and drinking something bright neon blue out of fishbowls with straws.

A group of enormous, muscled drag queens chatting and drinking elaborate, fruity drinks.

A shot of Nicolas Blair, his face now drawn on with blue lipstick, talking at the head of a circle of younger people, all listening to everything he has to say intently.

More dancing, two women in a deep embrace, swaying to music as their hands run through each others’ hair.

A quick scene of the SCW interviewer playing a round of mini golf with two men in full My Little Pony fursuits.

Now the drag queens were in the circle listening to Nicolas, who had a full blue lightning bolt drawn over one eye.  Everyone in the group listening to him seemed to be nodding their heads intently.  A viewer of the video may have become a little frustrated that the overlaid music meant  that whatever Nicolas is talking about couldn’t quite be heard.

A group of people who seemed to be playing Pokemon Go on their phones, ignoring everything else.

More shots of neon miniature golf balls going through the course in the middle of the warehouse, bouncing down artificial turf greens, past grotesque sculptures of pink elephants and giant turtles.

The Pokemon Go players in a wider circle around Nicolas Blair, who was still talking, with everyone utterly engrossed in what he hae to say.

The stock music faded away, and finally the viewer would have been able to get an idea of what Blair has been talking to the people about, as his words become louder and clearer.

“And so I have asked, that our match be changed into a dance-off.  This is a contest where the audience decides who the better dancer is, and whoever gets the most cheers wins the match.  I think that this is fairer than simply asking that they cancel the match and award it to my team because of the exploitation of Raab’s mental illness, because that would be disruptive to his routine.”

“It’s true,” One of the young people in the circle nodded.  â€œMy brother has schizophrenia and one of the things that helps him manage it is to have a very set routine every day, so that he knows his schedule.  It helps keep him on track, keeps the voices from distracting him.  This could be really inspiring for him to see!”

All of the young people nod in agreement.  Nicolas smiles.

“See, I knew everyone here would understand.  Now, I wouldn’t say that people should PROTEST the way that Lord Raab’s alleged support system is exploiting him-“

“I would!  It SHOULD be protested!” Someone piped up.

“Yeah!  I don’t even watch pro wrestling but portraying mental illness this way is WAY offensive!” Another person agreed.

“At least in a dance-off this poor guy wouldn’t risk hurting himself or others.” A girl proffered, nodding sagely.  â€œAnd maybe it could help show him that not everyone in the world is out to hurt him for his disability.”

“Maybe you could offer a supportive hug before the two of you are forced into this conflict, I mean, if he is a consenting co-party to non-threatening person-on-person contact.” Another person in the circle suggested.  â€œJust to show him that he isn’t alone in his daily struggle.”

“A very good idea, I’ll float that by my partner Jessie.” Blair nodded with a broad, indulgent smile. “Maybe she and Evie Baang could share a mutually-consenting hug too, just for a show of solidarity.”

“The event is in Boston, right?  Some of us should drive there and buy tickets!  Then, to protest the exploitation of mental illness, we could turn our backs to the match!  Or make up some protest signs!  OR…DANCE FLASH MOB Y’ALL!”

“I love protesting things!  And dancing!  And especially protest dancing!” Another person, one of the guys in tiny speedos agreed.  The buzz started to grow in the group.  Nicolas sat back.  He looked up at the camera.

“I love the youth of today.” He remarked.  â€œThey know a good cause when they see it.”

“Hey, are you going to sing tonight?” One of the band members, his guitar still slung over his chest, asked Nicolas, as if it were a regular occurrence.  â€œWe’re almost done with our break if you want to.”

“Hmmm, I don’t usually like being filmed showing off…” Nicolas looked right at the camera and winked.  â€œBut, sure.  I think I have the perfect song in mind.”

Nicolas stood up, walked right up to the camera and grabbed it, so that it looked close at his blue-lipstick-covered face.  He smiled brightly.

“I wonder if Lord Raab will be allowed to see this.”

He released the camera.

“Give me five minutes.”

Another edit showed all of the people from Blair’s talking circle disperse as he departed.  The scene restarted, focused on one of the performing stages.  The camera focused on the SCW interviewer, standing behind the dance floor and tables and chairs that some expectant patrons were seated at.

“Well, a few minutes ago, Nicolas sort of vanished after agreeing to sing tonight, and everyone came over here.  I’m not quite sure what to expect, but to be honest that’s been the case all night.  This has been both an illuminating AND a confusing look into what Nicolas Blair does to have fun.  While the mini golf was great, I don’t know if possibly inciting a protest or riot at the next Climax Control is quite as good…”

The lights lowered and a single spotlight blazed into life on the stage.  In the near-darkness around it, the members of the band who had been playing earlier walked onto stage and picked back up their instruments.

The crowd buzzed.

Amidst the rumbling and chatter of the crowd, a figure walked into the spotlight.  The viewer of this video was treated to a rapid zoom-and-focus, quickly identifying the spotlight-illuminated man as Nicolas L. Blair.  He was shirtless now, standing with his head down and a microphone in his hand.  It was an image that easily evoked a professional wrestler about to begin a promo, to send a message to their opponent…except that most promos didn’t have musical accompaniment.  

The music started up…a very familiar song.  Nicolas looked up at the same time, the blue lipstick on his lips and a lightning bolt drawn over one of his eyes.  With his starkly dyed, All Red Everything hair spiked up on end, his skin bleached white in the purity of the spotlight, it invoked a very specific homage of an image.

“This song goes out to a very special maan; you know who you are.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re anything but a perfect, beautiful snowflaake.  I’ll see you on Sunday.  And remember, we don’t have to fight-”

Behind Blair, the musicians all leaned into their microphones, harmonizing a melodious ‘Aaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaah!’ as the music hit a crescendo.

“Let's dance!”

Nicolas ran one hand down the side of his chest, seductively outlining his profile.

“Put on your red shoes and dance the blues,”

Everyone in the audience threw their hands in the air and sang along.

“Let's dance!”

Nicolas leaned forward, crooning into the microphone.

“To the song they're playin' on the radio…”

The audience all swayed in unison to the left.

“Let's sway!”

Nicolas looked up from the microphone and ran a hand down the other side of his profile.

“While color lights up your face,”

He winked at the camera again.

“Let's sway!”

He jumped down off the shallow stage into the crowd, who gave him space, keeping the spotlight only on him.

“Sway through the crowd to an empty space…”

Stepping forward deliberately, Blair grabbed a random crowd member to twirl them.  It was one of the enormous, muscled drag queens who had been listening to his speech earlier.  Blair twirled the enormous-yet-fabulous lady, dipping her deeply with one arm, and pulling the microphone to his lips with the other.

“If you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide…”

Blair gave the swooning queen a little kiss that nearly blew her giant bouffant wig off, before setting her upright and turning back to address that special someone this song was for to the camera.

“Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flooooooowerrrrr…”

During the musical break, a line of men and women each danced with Nicolas as he slid his way through them on the floor, a smirk on his face that was captured every time he turned towards the camera.  Soon, he regained the center of the floor and put up the microphone again.

“Let's dance!”

Nicolas demonstrated just a hint of salsa dancing with one of the dancers before being lifted up on the stage again by two more of the drastically dashing drag queens.

“Let's dance!”

Spin-and-thrust, Nicolas regained center stage flawlessly.

“For fear your grace should fall,”

“Let's dance!”

“For fear tonight is all…”

Someone handed Nicolas an e-cig from the crowd.

“Let's sway!

“You could look into my eyes,”

Nicolas inhaled a drag and blew out a perfect ring of e-liquid vapor.

“Let's sway!”

“Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight!”

The spotlight blared even brighter, turning Nicolas into a nearly blinding figure of light.  He threw his hands in the air as everyone in the crowd screamed and cheered.

“And if you say run
I'll run with you…
And if you say hide
We'll hide…”

The camera managed to catch a clear, close look at Nicolas’s face as he peered forward, and the viewer of this video could almost feel as if they were locking eyes directly with Nicolas L. Blair, as if he was singing directly to them.  For that briefest of moment in the video, the viewer knew what it felt like to be Lord Raab in that very moment, with all of the intensity of Nicolas’s being directed at them, his words loaded and firing right at their face like a sultry shotgun of sex and madness.

Some viewers may have found themselves pausing the video at that moment, just to take a second to blink and clear their heads before hitting play again.  There wasn’t much video left, according to the timer at the bottom of the screen.

“Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flooooooowerrrrr…”

The video pulled away as Blair continued entertaining the people, opting to leave on a high note before the song was completely finished.  The SCW interviewer, now well off to the side of the warehouse and back in the normal light, prepared to do the wrap-up.

“Wow, that was actually pretty impressive.  If Nicolas’s request actually DOES go through despite all odds, and he and Lord Raab DO have a dance contest – again, I have NO IDEA if that would actually happen…well, I think Raab would have his work cut out for him.  And if it’s an actual wrestling match still, I’m not really sure how Raab is going to react to the tactics Nicolas used to reach out to him tonight.  Thanks for viewing, be sure to check out everything else on the Sin City Wrestling Youtube channel, and head to SCWrestling.net for information about subscriptions for our iPPVs and Climax Control”

The video swayed a little bit as the cameraman reached for the switch.  Just before the video went completely black, there was a single shot of a blurry man, holding up a sign.  If the viewer chose to pause the video just a couple of seconds for the end, they would be able to make out what the sign said…

It read “REMEMBER THE UNBENT NAIL.”

Strange.  Probably not important.  How totally random!

 The following conversation took place on the day after Blaze of Glory IV, on a small general wrestling fan message board.  It’s one of those small, fan-run message boards where people discuss things, share art and fiction, and of course, argue with each other.  This small message board has a chat function that allows members browsing the site to chat with each other in real time.  The entire exchange has been copied and reposted below.

ChrissyPants1 entered the room.

ChrissyPants1:  Yo

PopsicklesTNA:  Hey

RomanzRain:  Hey hey CP

ChrissyPants1:  Any1 else here?

RomanzRain:  Bunch of ppl were earlier

BombshellPride:  I’m here!  What’s up

ChrissyPants1:  Just watched the SCW Blaze of Glory
I was wondering if a certain someone had seen it

BombshellPride:  She hasn’t been in here yet today.

RomanzRain:  Thank god

BlairPunkfish entered the room.

PopsicklesTNA left the room.
RomanzRain left the room.
BombshellPride left the room.

BlairPunkfish:  Jeez, don’t everyone leave all at once, you’re going to hurt my feelings lol

ChrissyPants1:  Hey BPF

BlairPunkfish:  Hey CP.  How r u
Today sucked so bad, got yelled at on the train by this wanker who thought my kids were being too loud, I was like, they’re MY KIDS, how dare you tell me what to do with them, random stranger!

ChrissyPants1:  Yeah, my day was rough too

BlairPunkfish:  And now I’ve got all these bills due, water and electricity so I can’t even afford those tee shirts I wanted to get, or the action figures, which means my blog won’t be updated this week, stupid bills, why am I even paying for those services at all?  My water tastes bad and the electricity should just be provided if you’re a citizen.  

ChrissyPants1:  I’m guessing you haven’t seen Blaze of Glory yet

BlairPunkfish:  No, that jerk on the train got me so wound up I haven’t had a chance to do anything I wanted to do today.  I was going to clean the house top to bottom for the first time in months but  
I have anxiety and even worse my mum called today and berated me for what felt like hours because I’m not living up to the perfect daughter she has in her mind’s eye, so I nearly had a breakdown and shouted at her and about what a terrible mother she was and finally it ended with her agreeing to give me some money

BlairPunkfish:  â€¦so…yay!  

BlairPunkfish:  But I don’t have it yet because mum is internet illiterate and won’t just paypal it to me.  She wants me to use it for the water bill but I’m going to buy action figures to review for my blog.

BlairPunkfish:  U still there?

ChrissyPants1:  Yes

BlairPunkfish:  U have a link to a stream of the event?

ChrissyPants1:  No, I paid for it

BlairPunkfish:  Ah, I wish I had money for luxuries like that.  It’s okay, I know I site I can watch it on *puts on eyepatch and grabs bottle of rum*  Yo ho!

BlairPunkfish left the room.

ChrissyPants1:  ok then….

Two hours pass…..

BlairPunkfish entered the room.

BlairPunkfish:  What…the…FUCK

ChrissyPants1:  U watching SCW BoG?

BlairPunkfish:  Nicolas Blair is back!!!!

ChrissyPants1:  Knew u’d be excited

BlairPunkfish:  WTF did they do to him?!!!!!

ChrissyPants1:  what do u mean

RomanzRain entered the room

RomanzRain:  Ah crap

RomanzRain left the room

ChrissyPants1:  Hi RzR
Bye RzR, lol

BlairPunkfish:  Last time we saw him he was wrestling in the main event against Mark Ward, and now he’s been relegated to that stupid tag tourney?!  And his hair!  They DYED IT BRIGHT EVA F’N MARIE RED!

ChrissyPants1:  You think SCW dyed his hair?

BlairPunkfish:  And he’s wearing a tshirt for Jessie freakin’ Salco!  He’s not even wearing a suit!

ChrissyPants1:  Did you watch the rest of the partner drawings?

BlairPunkfish:  Oh my god they made the devil look like the bastard son of Ronald McDonald, I can’t BELIEVE this is happening.
HO-
LEE
SHIT

ChrissyPants1:  You watching the main event?  Hell of a twist at the end

BlairPunkfish:  No, still watching the Blair/Salco segment.  I can’t believe they just had him dismiss the special effects!  It’s like they’re completely changing all of the things that made him WORK!
Oh my god.

BlairPunkfish:   THEY’RE REBOOTING NICOLAS L BLAIR

ChrissyPants1:  Rebooting?  Can you do that in wrestling?

BlairPunkfish:  This is going to cost them ALL of their viewers.  

ChrissyPants1:  I really don’t know about that

BlairPunkfish:  The ONLY reason anyone tunes into this half-assed federation anymore was the hope…the SLIM HOPE that Nicolas Blair would come back, kick Ward’s smug ass and fix things back to the way they’re supposed to be.  For almost two years all of us fans have been waiting for that exact scenario to happen….and they give us…THIS?

ChrissyPants1:  I haven’t been waiting for that scenario tbh

BlairPunkfish:  I’ve been following Blair’s career since he DEBUTED and even through that weird period when he was wrestling in those Southern feds with the blonde hair and the different name, and NOTHING has been as awful as this.

ChrissyPants1:  I remember your conspiracy theory that that other wrestler was him

BlairPunkfish:  It WASN’T a theory, it was the TRUTH.  All of the clues were there if you paid enough attention.  See, that’s what I love about Blair, it’s that he’s the goddamn literal devil in wrestling form and if you’re smart and watch what he’s doing, you can see the Machiavellian machinations unfold.  But this..THIS….

BlairPunkfish:  UGH.

ChrissyPants1:  I mean, we haven’t even seen that much of this new look yet

BlairPunkfish:  I hope that they come to their senses and realize what a HUGE mistake they’ve just made, relegating Nic’s big return to a freakin’ tag team tournament with freakin’ Jessie Salco as his freakin’ partner, uggggghhhh.  I just dislike her SO much

ChrissyPants1:  I like Jessie Salco.  Maybe she and Blair will be a great tag team

BlairPunkfish:  She’s not a BAD wrestler, per se, but I just…don’t…like her?  I guess?  I mean, she’s just so…yuck.  If I was going to team up Nicolas Blair with someone, it would be with the Mean Girls.  They’d be perfect to carry out all of his evil plans.  

ChrissyPants1:  rly cuz that doesn’t seem like something they’d do

BlairPunkfish:  In fact, in my SCW roleplay, I think that’s what I’m going to do.  I play as Nicolas Blair there, and I play him RIGHT lol, I actually RESPECT his history and understand what makes him tick, unlike this current piss-poor real-life SCW.  

ChrissyPants1:  I think that maybe if he made some changes, that it’s kind of his prerogative, I dunno.  

BlairPunkfish:  Oh, I am POSITIVE that this new look and all of that was foisted on him by management.  There was practically a riot on these boards when he lost to Mark Ward last time, remember?  

ChrissyPants1:  I remember one person rioting

BlairPunkfish:  Clearly they told him they were going to thread him back in far away from Mark Ward so he couldn’t damage Lord Ward’s precious snowflake feelings and hurt his heat any further by getting more cheers than him, ugh, SO corrupt, I could go on for DAYS about how the federation has screwed Blair over for years and years when doing right by his fans mean he should have held the world title for a freakin’ SOLID DECADE

ChrissyPants1:  I remember your 10 page blog post rant about that

BlairPunkfish:  Yeah, I should repost that, lol, it got a lot of hits.  I bet Mark Ward himself ended up reading it.  I can’t believe SCW isn’t out of business yet, the way they run things.  They’ve turned their best wrestler into a cartoon character worse than anything from 90’s WWE.

ChrissyPants1:  Oh come on, Red Hair Blair isn’t TL Hopper

BlairPunkfish:  It COULD be.  It is totally that bad.  I BET it will be that bad.  I bet they give him douche sunglasses and have him vape instead of smoke and he probably doesn’t even seduce Jessie Salco to the dark side with drugs and sex even ONCE

ChrissyPants1:  Imagine that

ChrissyPants1:  U going to quit watching SCW?

BlairPunkfish:  I bet they’d like that, if all of Nicolas Blair’s true fans stopped watching so they’d have a reason to point to him and say ‘see, this doesn’t bring in the ratings, so we’re going to release him again’ but this time I’m not going to give up so easily, lol

ChrissyPants1:  We going to see you on SCW tv?  Lol, BlairPunkfish does a run-in!

BlairPunkfish:  I don’t have the money to attend SCW events, I just d/l the shows on a certain website that we’re not allowed to talk about here because it’s “illegal” but there are other ways to get a company to listen to its customers…just you wait and see….I have the whole internet at my disposal.

ChrissyPants1:  ok then

BlairPunkfish:  I mean, why would SCW even have a “Contact Us” page on their website if they didn’t want you to contact them, right?

ChrissyPants1:  Good…point?

The Fangirl Saga paused there, for a little bit.  But this burning ember of fanrage did not die; oh no, it certainly did not.  It was fanned into even greater flames thanks to a couple of innocuous incidents….

***
Incident 1:  The Podcast

Four days before Climax Control, a podcast dropped helmed by a couple of pro wrestling fanboys known collectively as the Torn Turnbuckle.  A transcript of the relevant parts of the show are shown below.


“TORN TURNBUCKLE RADIO”

“Good morning – or afternoon – or evening, whenever you’re listening to this, to all of our fans!  This is Brian Tee, the host of The Torn Turnbuckle Podcast, thanks for the download.  And with me as always is Rad Ryan, the internet’s top humor analyst and Eva Marie fan-master.”

Brian:  Ryan.

Ryan:  Brian.

Brian:  Ryan and Brian are here once again, as we are every week, to have some in-depth discussion about the best – and worst – parts of pro wrestling.  WWE, ROH, TNA, the indys, we try to cover it all.  And we’ve got a special guest this week on Part 1, don’t we, Ryan.

Ryan:  That we do, Brian.  A little over two weeks ago was SCW – Sin City Wrestling’s big Blaze of Glory 4 event, which we will be talking about later, of course.

Brian:  Yeah, and there were some big things that happened on that show, including some returns of old faces.  Now Ryan, you’re a bigger pro-SCW guy than I am; are you happy to see all of those faces back?

Ryan:  I, well, I’m happy to see MOST of them back.  Some of the stuff in SCW gets too far into the realm of, uh…

Brian:  Supremely bad taste.

Ryan:  Well, I was going to say corny, but yeah.  But this overall was a really good show and some of those returning faces are a really good thing in my opinion.  And SPEAKING of those returning faces…

Brian:  That’s right; today we’re going to be talking to one of those returning wrestlers.  Returning superstar?  What does SCW call their male wrestlers?

Ryan:  They don’t get a special name like the Bombshells.  There’s a little, you know, I mean, SCW has been accused of sexism before, and one of the things is that the women have the special cutesy ‘Bombshells’ name and the guys are just, like…Male Wrestlers.

Brian:  Well, let’s give them a special name.  I’d hate for the guys to feel left out.  If the women are Bombshells, maybe the men are Machine Guns.  You know, keeping with the ballistics theme.

Ryan:  Male Machine Guns!  Well, we’re going to be talking to a member of one of the tag teams in the big Blast from the Past Tournament.  Partner to Bombshell Jessie Salco, Male Machine Gun Nicolas L Blair will be talking to us next!

Brian:  I’m going to ask what the L stands for.

Ryan:  Don’t do it, man!  No one ever gets an answer for that.  It’s one of life’s mysteries that must remain unsolved.

Brian:  I’m gonna do it!  I’m gonna ask about the L.

Ryan:  He’ll hang up.  We’ll never hear from him again.  He’ll vanish from the face of the Earth.  Again.

Brian:  Torn Turnbuckle, responsible for ruining Jessie Salco’s dream of advancing past round one of the tournament.  Couple of hardcore heels, right here.

Ryan:  With our podcast and its astonishing 2,548 downloads.  So influence.  Much sway.  Oh, hey.  Brian.  Guess what I have here?

Brian: What do you have, Ryan?

Ryan:  I have the first round brackets for the Blast from the Past Tournament.  

Brian:  Bombshells and Machine Guns blasting everywhere.  Lay those brackets out for us!

Ryan:  Round 1, first half.  Belinda Warwick and Matheson verse Evie Bang and Lord Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab.

Brian:  We saw that match last week.  Evie and Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab looked great.

Ryan:  Max Burke and Mercedes Vargas verse James Tuscini and Trish Newborn.

Brian:  Shouldn’t it be ‘versus,’ and not ‘verse?’

Ryan:  Sure, to all of the unwashed non-Eva Marie fans out there.  â€œVerse” is new hotness in physical matchup verbiage.

Brian:   Okay, then.  Vargas and Burke were the winners in a pretty quick match there.  There was a lot of talking on this week’s show.

Ryan:  There’s always a lot of talking on SCW shows.  That’s just their style.  Lot of talking, lot of black hair dye, lots of eye makeup, lots of leather duster jackets that went out of style in 1999…

Brian:  What was the next match?

Ryan:  Kate Steele and Joshua Aquin took on Amy Marshall and Dax Beckett.  You know Amy and Dax are my sentimental favorites to win this tourney.  They took the first step when they beat Kate and Joshua pretty handily.

Brian:  I caught that match, that was a good one.  Was that it this week?

Ryan:  Yeah, the one match got bumped to next week, so we’ll have five matches at this week’s Climax Control.

Brian:  Maybe that will cut down on all of that talking on the show I mentioned earlier.

Ryan:  Kiiiiiinda hypocritical for a podcaster to complain about people talking too much, isn’t it, Bri?

Brian:  Hey, I just want more bang for my buck!  Being an SCW fan doesn’t come cheap!  

Ryan:  Well, this week we’re going to see Dmitri and Orchid verse Dark Defender and Gothika in a match most likely sponsored by Hot Topic, Ivan Darrell and Amanda Cortez verse Jermiah Hardin and Brandi Shotze, Brother Grimm-

Brian:  Uuuuggggghhh.

Ryan: You’ve made your feelings on Brother Grimm perfectly clear in past episodes, Bri.

Brian:  Just UUUGGGGHHHHH.

Ryan:  Anyways, he’s teaming with Misty against Kris Halc and Polly Playtime.  Ben Jordan and Samantha Marlowe are taking on Jordan Williams and Remi-

Brian:  That’s too much Jordan in one match.  

Ryan:  SCW doesn’t care about your ‘single use of a name per match’ requirement, Brian.

Brian: They should.  It’s confusing for fans AND the announcers.  It’s why WWE limits the number of Chrises they have.  They put Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and Christian into one match once and I think good ol’ J.R. burst a blood vessel in his brain.

Ryan:  Hah!  I remember that.  The match we’re most interested in, though, is probably gotta be Xander Bishop and Chelsea Pain verse Nicolas Blair and Jessie Salco.

Brian:  Nicolas ELLL Blair.

Ryan:  They left the “L” off of the preview title card.  I’m looking at it right here.

Brian: They got the L out of there!

Ryan:  *groans*  

Brian:  Don’t you tell me to shut the L up!

Ryan:  Aaaaaanyway, Xander Bishop took the pinfall loss from Despayre at Blaze of Glory, so he’s probably out looking for some retribution.  Against Nicolas ‘L or no L’ Blair.  Who we happen to have waiting on the line to join us.  Should we bring him on now?

Brian:  Sounds like a great plan.  Listeners of the Torn Turnbuckle, all like eighteen of you, we were pretty damn surprised to be contacted by Nicolas L Blair’s agent this week and ask for an interview.  He’s notorious for not doing public appearances or interviews, and doesn’t seem to have any real social media presence-

Ryan:  Yeah, I remember about a year ago everyone thought he had an instagram, but it turned out to be some sort of, like, fan roleplaying account?  Kind of weird.

Brian:  Blair’s a well-known name on the Southern indy scene, but he’s probably best known for his bloody, brutal matches against Hot Stuff Mark Ward first in Gen X and then right here in Sin City Wrestling.  I bought the DVD of the Best of Mark Ward just for those matches, man.  

Ryan:  You sure as hell didn’t do it for the interviews.

Brian:  GOD no.

Ryan:  Well, without further adieu, let’s bring him on.  Nicolas, are you there?

Nicolas:  Yes, I’m here.  Thank you for the introduction.

Brian:  Thank YOU for finding us among the seven billion wrestling podcasts and granting us the interview.  

Nicolas:  Of course.   My agent found you.  For the act of dropping you a tweet, he gets an entire 15% commission on my salary. He’s the most evil person I know, next to myself.  

Brian:  So, how’re you doing today?

Nicolas:  I’m doing splendid.  I just bought a 1967 Chevy Camaro that I’m having custom painted with tacky day-glo neon orange flame detailing all over it.  The detailer is begging me to not do this atrocity to such a classic car, but what can I say?  The devil is in the detailing.

Brian:  MAN, that’s evil!

Nicolas:  I may use it for my next match’s entrance.  We’ll see if Jessie is interested.

Ryan:  So tell me…How did a little podcast like ours get your attention?

Nicolas:  It was your obscurity.   I like to make my fan-things earn their fandom.  

Ryan:  True that.  Finding out things about Nicolas L. Blair isn’t the easiest thing to do.  For our listeners who aren’t familiar with you, let’s give them a little background.  How long have you been pro?

Nicolas:  I’ve been involved in the industry as a pro for sixteen years.  I was trained in the professional art of wrestling by a close family friend, but I’ve always been around the industry.  

Ryan:  Ah, because you’re the devil.

Nicolas: POSSESSED by the devil, but yes.  I think you get the gist.  

Ryan:  And you’ve wrestled all over the South, though you’re mostly based out of Georgia, is that right?

Nicolas:  Yes.  I’ve wrestled in front of eight people and in front of eighty thousand people.  

Ryan:  Before you resurfaced in SCW, I saw rumors on the internet that maybe you and Broken Matt Hardy were going to clash.  Is that off the table now with the two of you clearly going in separate directions?

Nicolas:  We already had the match.  It was in the realm of dreams, so you may not remember being in attendance.   But you were there. You ALL were there.

Ryan: I…huh, that almost sounds like a dream I DID have.  Did you win?

Nicolas:  No.  It turns out drones can dream.  I was not expecting that.

Brian:  What else have you been up to since we last saw you on TV?

Nicolas:  Every now and then I like to retreat a bit, and let my vessel reassert some control over his life.  I’ve been enjoying  following politics and watching you assholes in humanity degrade yourselves little by little, turning the mortal realm into a reflection of the truest, most pure form of Hell.  

I also took up Frisbee golf, for fun.  It is the douchiest of all sports.  I fit right in.

Brian:  Before we go any further, can I ask you something?

Nicolas:  Well, I assumed that was why I was on this podcast, so fire away.

Ryan:  Don’t ask him about the L, man.  Don’t do it!

Brian:  No, this is something else!  Like, I’ve been wondering this for a while about a lot of the guys you see out there – I mean, the dark, demonic, evil-type dudes who decide that the best way to spread their particular brand of chaos and evil is by getting into a ring and slapping a guy in front of fans for 15 minutes a couple of times a week.  

Nicolas:  That describes me…sometimes.  What’s your question?

Brian:  WHY wrestling?!  I mean, I’ve seen Al Pacino in ‘The Devil’s Advocate’ and I’ve seen shows where the devil helps solve crime procedurals, or whatever, but it always seems like the way for a literal demon out of hell to try and be as evil as they can would be something more mainstream than sweating in a wrestling ring.  I’ve seen the Undertaker cackle about how his grand plans for darkness involve crucifying a dude just because he’s got a shiny gold belt the Undertaker wants.  I’ve seen Kevin Sullivan claim that he was going to bring about the end of the world thanks to some pro wrestler in a mask he pulled out of a pond.  What is the allure of the demonic world to adhere to the frankly, sometimes goofy rules of pro wrestling?  How is that going to accomplish whatever evil goals you have?

Ryan:  Nicolas, I’m sorry for Brian, he is kind of a hardline pure wrestling guy-

Nicolas:  No, it’s a good question, actually.  A very good question.  I would say, and bear in mind that I don’t keep track of every idiot demon that traipses onto the mortal plane with a half-assed plan, or adult human who never grew out of their teen goth phase, but I would say that in my case, the reason I work in the realm of professional wrestling is working in the micro sense, not the macro sense.  I’m not really interested in dooming the whole world.  You assholes are all doing a great job of that yourselves, to be honest.

Ryan:  He’s not wrong.

Brian:  I’ll grant that point.  So, what, you just really like taunting pro wrestlers?  Is that all that the literal devil gets off on?

Nicolas:  Two points.  The first is this.  When I say that I am possessed by the devil, I am saying that I am the literal devil, and I am in possession of this vessel, the one that’s speaking to you.  It is mine and I claim it and the soul that went with it.  If I choose to use this soul that was bound to me and use it as my mode of living in the realm of professional wrestling, then rest assured it is because that act torments my claimed soul in a way you cannot properly comprehend.

Brian:  So you’re saying that everything you’re doing is more like you’re torturing yourself, rather than the other guys?

Nicolas:   I make a good man do bad things.  It’s fun!

Ryan:  So, what’s your second point?

Nicolas:  Do you know why the devil exists?

Ryan:  You mean, uh, literally?  Like, why does the concept of Satan exist?

Nicolas:  Yes.

Ryan:  Phew, you’re asking me to think back to my comparative religion class days in community college.  Let me think…the overarching point of religion in general is to organize society and give it rules of conduct.  It’s a way to kind of, you know, bind people together by giving them a united set of rules and rituals.  It’s a survival tool for an unenlightened society.  So, if that’s true, than the point of a devil is, kind of…like…giving consequences for people’s actions.  The devil is the thing that we compare good conduct TO, so that morals are defined as morals.  

Nicolas:  That’s right.  Without a hell, what point is there to heaven?  What sweetness is in joy without pain?

Brian:  The Torn Turnbuckle, the wrestling podcast you download to hear discussion about religious philosophy.  If offended, please tweet @RyantheRadd, and not at me.

Ryan:  I’m wishing I had done my homework more often in that class right now instead of drawing Rey Mysterio masks in all my notebook margins.

Nicolas:  The point is, I have a purpose.  I exist in this place and this time for a reason and everything I DO serves that reason.  If there’s some joker running around claiming to be ‘Satan; but, like, way worse’ or whatever, that person’s an idiot.  They’re goth Mary Sue.  Their only purpose is to serve their own ego.  There is no greater purpose to their existence, and they are…small.

Brian:  I guess that brings us to your match with Jessie Salco against Xander Bishop and Chelsea Pain.  Jessie’s title is on the line, which hardly seems fair to me.  

Nicolas:  Life can be so cruel.

Ryan:  Mixed tag rules, which means that the Machine Guns fight the Machine Guns and the Bombshells fight the Bombshells.  Hashtag #SCWMaleMachineGuns, folks.  Let’s get that concept trending!  

Brian:  It’s never going to trend.

Ryan:  You never know.  I got hastag #AllRedEveryHair to trend and look at Nicolas Blair now.

Nicolas:  It’s true, I dyed my hair because of a hash tag on a social media I don’t have an account on.  The devil is in the highlights.

Brian:  So what do you think about Xander Bishop?  He runs with a pretty intense crew.  And following the last couple of weeks, he’s likely out to turn around his tailspin.

Nicolas:  Xander is a hard young man who saw a lot of success very fast.  He’s only twenty-seven years old and look at him.  He has so much going on.  Runs a record label, holds down a job while also wrestling, running his crew and keeping up a relationship with his girlfriend.  That’s so much work.  It’s no wonder it’s starting to unravel for him.  It’s just so much to ask of one man.

Ryan:  We don’t want to push the rumor mill here too much on the negative side of things but there has been word that maybe he was arrested recently?

Nicolas:  You can only go full-tilt at everything for so long until it all catches up with you.  And as much as I hate being part of his downfall…oh, who am I kidding, being part of ‘man’s downfall’ is sort of my THING…but the fact is that part of his downfall is going to include losing at Climax Control to Jessie and myself.  Even his partner Chelsea doesn’t seem very fond of him, you know.  How well are they going to work together?

Ryan:  As opposed to you and Jessie Salco?  How do you two get along?

Nicolas:  I invited her and her family down to Georgia for some Frisbee golf.  No word yet on whether she’s going to take me up on the offer or not.  But, what we’ve done together so far, I think we’re going to be a very good team.  I want to get her past this first round; make her dream come true.  For now, that is my purpose.  And that purpose means I will take care of Xander Bishop for her.

Brian: Do you have any words directly for Xander?  I mean, on the off-chance that he’s one of the forty-two people that actually download our podcast?

Nicolas:  You know, Xander strikes me as the kind of guy who Googles himself in his spare time to see who’s saying what about him.  I’m positive he’ll hear this podcast.  And to that end, I’d like to say…Xander.  Give in.  There’s no need to fight so hard.  People are going to think of you the way they have for years and nothing you do now is going to change their minds.  Even your tag team partner has some frankly hurtful things to say about you.  

Ryan:  Yeah, borderline ‘phobic talk from Chelsea Payne was pretty, uh, problematic.

Nicolas:  Sigh.  People so eager to hurt each other just to feel better about themselves.  Xander… Wouldn’t it be such a relief for you to just hear that one, two, three, and realize that you’ve got one less thing on your mind to worry about?  Wouldn’t that burden going away be like cold water in the desert?

Ryan:  That’s a pretty persuasive argument right there.

Nicolas:  Also, I’m pretty sure I’m totally going to try to bite his nose off during the match.  What can I say?  The fans love the biting.  I give the fans what they want!

Brian:  If there’s one thing the devil can’t be accused of, it’s not listening to the fans, I guess.

Nicolas:  I stick with what works.  Jessie is more than equipped to take care of Chelsea.  And I am very ready to come back to Sin City and do what I do best.

Ryan:  Cool, cool.  So, we put out the word on the twitter machine that we were going to be interviewing Nicolas L Blair and asked if anyone had any questions for wrestling’s literal Satan.  We have a few tweets, so would you be cool with answering some questions?

Nicolas:  Only if those asking are prepared to handle the answers.

Brian:  Classic.  Okay, so we’ve got @IamTadtheDad, and he asks “Do you think you and Mark Ward will ever cross paths again?”

Nicolas:  That is entirely up to Mark.  Does he want a few more scars to impress the fan-things with?  If so, he just needs to glance my way.  You can’t tell because this is a podcast, but I’m giving him a flirty wink right now.

Ryan:  @IamTheGuyNotRoman asks, “Is there anyone in the industry you haven’t wrestled that you’d like to face” and he follows it up with another tweet that just says “inferno match?” So I guess he’s asking, is there anyone you’d like to face in an inferno match?

Nicolas:  You know, these days so many wrestlers have these long, scraggly, poorly maintained beards that an inferno match seems like an excellent way to start a new clean-shaven trend.  To that end, and speaking of scraggly beards, I suppose my wishlist would be to wrestle Bray Wyatt…he and I really need to have a couple of words about the tenents of his particular cult.

Brian:  Find it offensive?

Nicolas:  No, I find it woefully incomplete.  Like, does he have any literature one can read up on?  How is he recruiting lost souls of the damned?  Is his compound registered as a 15c3-3 tax exempt religious organization? Is he using paid labor to rebuild his burnt-down sheds?  These are things I’d like to know before pounding his face into a fine bloody mist.  In SCW, I’d like a chance to ply my particular brand of entertainment against a titleholder.  Any of them.  Which, of course, is the purpose of entering this tag tournament.

Ryan:  Great answer, thanks.  Okay, this last one…@blairpunkfish-

Nicolas:  Must be a big fan.

Ryan:  Yeah, must be, she…pretty sure it’s a she, sent in like 14 tweets.  They’re all sort of…hard to parse.  Let’s see if I can find something…

Brian:  She wants to know why you dyed your hair and dumped the “SFX” in your debut.  Doesn’t seem too happy about it.

Ryan:  That seems to be putting it mildly, but yeah.  Why the change in looks?

Nicolas:  What is the commonly accepted definition of insanity?

*long pause*

Ryan:  Oh, you’re asking us!  Insanity is…crazy…stuff?

Brian:  It’s doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  Hah!  I took college philosophy classes too!

Nicolas:  A-plus for you.  I’ve been doing this for a while now, and when I look around, I see a lot of people doing the same things, over and over again.  No growth.  No change.  And change and death are the only two pure constants.  If I want to succeed in SCW this time, if I want a chance to hold that title, then I need to make some changes.  I’m going to have fun this time.  So this time, forget the stupid parlour tricks.  No fog machine.  No evil twins.  No fake blood.  No projectors loaded up with images of bugs.  Those things are passé; they make people groan and roll their eyes – in fact I’m rolling my eyes right now thinking about it.  I’m going to drive a hot car, vape bubblegum flavored e-juice, dye my hair the exact same shade as Eva Marie, and I’m going to smile the whole obnoxious damn time even if my fan-things absolutely hate it.  I’m the devil.  I’m going to do whatever I want.  

Brian:  Hey, doing whatever you want got you on our podcast, and we’d like to thank you for it.  Maybe you’ll come back again some time!

Ryan:  Yeah, really great to talk to you.  Can’t wait to check out Climax Control this week and see what happens.

Nicolas:  A pleasure, of course.  To you and to all of the fan-things…the best is yet to come.

Brian: We’re going to take a break for our sponsors, and then we’ll come back and discuss some Impact, a little NXT and Ryan will give us his match of the week!

Ryan:  Following the theme this week, it’s going to involve Eva Marie.  Try not to be too surprised.

*commercial break*

One day after this podcast dropped, the following tweets were sent out into the universe.


Blair Bitch Project @blairpunkfish      43 minutes ago
Blair Bitch Project Retweeted TornTurnbuckle

SUPER disappointed at how poor a job TTurnbuckle did getting answers to my questions

#NicolasLBlair  #ProWrestlingPodcast  #shittythingsthatmakememad



Blair Bitch Project @blairpunkfish      42 minutes ago

I had a lot of important points that Nic NEEDS to see, to let him know how we `the fans feel

#NicolasLBlair  #ProWrestlingPodcast  #shittythingsthatmakememad


Blair Bitch Project @blairpunkfish      42 minutes ago

All of the feels I got from them mentioning my username to him, to him knowing I exist were ruined

#NicolasLBlair  #ProWrestlingPodcast  #shittythingsthatmakememad


Blair Bitch Project @blairpunkfish      42 minutes ago

Nicolas L Blair is my escape from my shitty life and he’s being just wrecked by SCW AND this podcast

#NicolasLBlair  #ProWrestlingPodcast  #shittythingsthatmakememad



Blair Bitch Project @blairpunkfish      42 minutes ago

(1/2)Super irresponsible of Torn Turnbuckle to not let the fans voices really be heard.  Guess I will have to try something else to get the word out that this is the wrong direction

#NicolasLBlair  #ProWrestlingPodcast  #shittythingsthatmakememad


Blair Bitch Project @blairpunkfish      42 minutes ago

(2/2)For Blair and SCW.  New Blog Post coming soon with updates….

#NicolasLBlair  #ProWrestlingPodcast  #shittythingsthatmakememad


Not the end……

 Blaze of Glory III

DVD exclusive post-match interview:  Ms. Rocky Mountains interviews Nicolas L. Blair

The segment fades in to show Ms. Rocky Mountains, dressed smartly and slightly professionally in a mostly-unbuttoned blouse and black pencil skirt holds up her microphone and gives the camera a dazzling smile.

Rocky:  Hello again, SCW fans!  Rocky Mountains here, looking to give you DVD buyers an exclusive scoop backstage at Blaze of Glory III.  You can hear that the action is still going on in the arena, as the Blast from the Past finals are taking place, but I’m back here to try to find one of the competitors from the match that just ended…Nicolas L. Blair, making his debut here in SCW taking on our illustrious part-owner, Mark Ward.

The camera pulls back to reveal that Rocky is stepping into a locker room.  Rocky looks around.

Rocky:  No one here…

She turns and pokes her head around the corner towards the showers.  The sound of running water comes in clearly on the video feed.

Rocky:  Ah, sounds like he must be getting cleaned up.  Well, you know me, I never let a little running water get in between me and an interview…

Rocky gives the camera a playful wink as it follows her around the corner into the white-tiled shower.  The camera shakes for a moment, but then rights itself.  There is blood smeared all over the walls…handprints and crimson streaks dripping downward and mingling with the running water.  The entire shower looks like it has been redecorated for a horror movie.  Rocky takes a step back.

Rocky:  Jesus Christ…

Blair:  He’s not here.

The camera spins around and sights Blair, sitting underneath a running stream of shower.  A towel, sopping wet with water and blood is barely draped around his waist.  The wound on his forehead, where Mark Ward had bitten him during the match, tearing him open, has gone from a trickle to a gush underneath the shower.

Blair:  Ms. Rocky Mountains, I presume?  I had heard about your disregard for personal privacy.  So fortunate you’re employed somewhere with lax punishments for sexual harassment and assault.  

Rocky:  I’m not here to be a participant in your mind games, Nicolas.  I’m here to find out, in your words, how you feel about tonight’s match with Mark Ward.

Blair’s head lolls around loosely on his neck as he tips his chin down and turns his eyes up to stare at Rocky.  

Blair:  I have a question for you.

Rocky:  I’m the interviewer, Nicolas.  I’m the one who asks the questions here.

Blair:  Do you know what Bruiser Brody was thinking as he lay dying?

Rocky’s mouth opens, and then snaps back shut.

Rocky:  I…what?  What does that even mean?

Blair:  FanTAStic questions, Madame interviewer, you truly are a credit to your profession.  Bruiser Brody, one of the truest greats of the sport of professional wrestling, was stabbed to death in a shower almost exactly like this one in Puerto Rico in 1988.  His rival, José Huertas González, accosted him while he was in the shower…

-much like you are doing right now, in fact, Ms. Mountains…-

-And stabbed him in the stomach as the shower poured down on them both.  And so, I ask you, Ms. Mountains, in this situation so reminiscent of that augustine event, what do you think Bruiser Brody was thinking as he lay underneath the showerhead, his blood flowing down over his body towards the drain, knowing that he was dying?

Rocky:  He…was probably thinking about his family?

Blair rocks back and forth slightly, his chest heaving up and down as if he’s holding in laughter.

Blair:  Aaah, how perfectly saintly of you to assume.  I was there-

Rocky:  You were NOT there.  You’d have been about 5 years old in 1988.

Blair gives Rocky a cold, dangerous look.  She pushes hair out of her eyes, the water misting everywhere flattening her hairdo and starting to drip off of her body.  She clears her throat to break his silence.

Rocky:  I’m sorry.  Continue.

Blair:  I was there, as I was saying, Ms. Mountains, and the last thoughts he had before the darkness overtook him, was ‘I’ve won.  I’ve won at professional wrestling, because my story has the greatest ending.’

Rocky:  You…think he was happy?  About being murdered?

Blair:  About having the definitive ending!  That’s how you win the game of wrestling, Ms. Mountains.  Having a life story with a true, fascinating and dramatic ending.  It was as if life itself pinned Brody down and took it’s One…Two…Three on him.  Bruiser Brody died a happy man, because as a wrestler, as an entertainer, he had been given what so few of his kind do; the sudden, perfect ending to his life.

And you see…that’s what my entire issue with Mark Ward has been about.

Blair leans back, his head against the white tiles, leaving a bloody red streak as he moves underneath the shower’s unrelenting stream.

Blair:  Our story so badly needed it, that definitive ending that I tried to get from him nearly ten years ago.  That exclamation point that concludes the paragraph of our feud.  Finis.  Finale.  That’s all she wrote.  That’s what I’ve wanted.  That’s what Ward OWED me.

I came to Sin City Wrestling, and I reopened old wounds.  

Blair reaches up from his seated position, and takes Rocky’s hand.  He softly pulls it towards him and brushes her fingers on the opened bite wound on his forehead, covering her fingers in his blood.

Blair:  Gashed them wide open, Ms. Mountains, to let the old pain flow out.  I took Mark’s mind and I bent it so hard it nearly snapped in two.  Because I wanted that ends to my means.  And now I have it.  Our happy ending.

Rocky pulls her hand back, thinks about wiping it on her skirt, reconsiders, and just puts the blood-stained hand behind her so Blair can’t reach it anymore.

Rocky:  You said you wanted him to lose so that he could never retire, and spend the rest of his career a shell of what he used to be.

Blair smiles.

Blair:  I lied.  Are you really surprised?

Rocky:  I…suppose not, I guess.

Blair:  This was never about putting Mark through Hell, Ms. Mountains.  All men die and Hell is a patient place.  Mark will get there in his due time.  Probably sooner than he thinks…just like every other man out there.  What is…what is most important…

Blair pauses, blinks, and shakes his head slightly as if trying to clear it.

Blair:  What is most important is that the…the issue between he and I…has had it’s final moments.  It has been…uh…

He shakes his head again, the blood trailing down over his eye and causing him to blink.

Blair:  It has been put out of its misery.  And now true Hell will begin for someone else…and they’ll have Mark Ward to thank for it.

Blair’s head slumps a bit.  Rocky backs up.

Rocky:  Nicolas?  Nicolas?  I think he’s passed out.  Hey, can we get some help over here?  Can we get the medics in here?

She looks at the camera and pushes hair out of her face, not realizing that she’s smearing Blair’s blood on her cheek as she does.

Rocky:  I think this interview is over.  I have to go get some help.

The feed abruptly ends, bringing the viewer back to the DVD’s main menu.