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Supercard Archives / The Final Test: Part 2
« on: May 13, 2022, 11:50:01 PM »
“Healing from such a deep seated pain that has lasted 30 years is not an easy task. But once I accepted that it was time to let go and move on, I decided to quit being a victim and start being a champion. I decided to quit mourning my mother every Mother’s Day, instead choosing to celebrate what I have…”
5-8-2022
Touching down in Miami, I was feeling warm heading into the lobby of the airport. I could feel that my heart was slowly healing from the grief that had experienced over my mother’s death for the past 30 years. Normally, Mother’s Day would sadden me. But today? I decided that I was going to make a much needed change…
“No more is this day going to be a burden on me. It’s never again going to remind me of what I don’t have. I know I am better than that now and I know that I have to heal from my mother’s passing and changing my perspective about this day and seeing what it is all about is one of the first steps of doing this…”
I was feeling a determination to heal and move forward at last when I saw my sister Adrianna and daughter Kimberly in the distance. Seeing Kimberly again after missing her on the Greece tour further warmed my heart. I walked up to them, with Kimberly specifically not suspecting a thing. When I got within a few feet, Kimberly turned toward me and her eyes completely lit up.
“MOM!?!?!” she exclaimed with joy! “You’re HERE!”
“Of course!” I said as I kneeled on the floor, giving Kimberly the opportunity to run up to me and give me a huge hug. This moment was all that mattered to me. I wasn’t thinking about SCW or my wrestling career. Sharing this day with my daughter meant the most out of anything going on in my life right now. “I wasn’t going to miss this day…”
We broke our embrace and we locked eyes.
“I’ve been doing some thinking while I’m gone… about you and me. As I’ve said to you so many times, you are the most important thing in my world. Everything that I do is for you and not even a tour in another country just before a big match was going to stop me from spending Mother’s Day with you. I’m ALWAYS going to move heaven and earth for you, Kimmy.”
Kimberly’s eyes shined brighter as I continued to pour some loving words to her. I was beginning to notice that I was feeling this great joy I had never experienced before.
“You are my inspiration. You are exactly why I do what I do. You have no idea how much our bond means to me. You have no idea how much of a desire to have that bond between you and I continue to grow stronger with time. Now, more than ever, that bond is important to me. Gosh, there are so many things I want to do for you as you get older and there are so many moments I want to experience with you. I want to show you the world. I want to be by your side every step of the way. I know that I’ve had my dreams in the wrestling business and all, but Kimmy, my biggest dream of all is watching you grow up into the woman you are destined to be…”
Kimberly responds with another embrace, which I return.
“This is new…” Adrianna says with a smile. “...but it’s great to see. Did something happen in Greece?”
“I’ve been putting things into a greater perspective that’s all…” I responded as we broke our embrace.
“She wrote this for you by the way…” Adrianna said, causing Kimberly and I to both be surprised. It was a card that she wrote. I took it and I wasted no time opening it and reading it aloud.
“Happy Mother’s Day…” I read from what was already printed before getting to her handwriting. “I know that you fall sometimes… but that’s okay. You always stand up and you fight again. I don’t have the perfect mommy, but I have the best one. You are always going to be my hero…”
That warmth in my heart increased…
“Aw… adorable… hey, I have something for you too!” I paused, pulling a locket out of my purse. I took a bit of a breath when I opened it and I removed a picture of my mother and I, keeping it with me. I quickly replaced it with a picture of Kimberly and I being together before I closed and handed her the locket. Kimberly gasped with some happiness when I gave it to her.
“My mother gave this to me and I feel like now it’s the time to pass it down to you…”
Kimberly was incredibly happy when she opened the locket and saw the picture. She closed it and put it around her neck.
“...that locket that I just gave you represents the bond we’ll always share no matter what. Every Mother’s Day will be a celebration of that bond and how much stronger it’s going to get every year.”
As we exchanged a third embrace and mutual “I love yous”, I could suddenly feel that pain and grief in my heart over the death of my mother start to heal and start to fade. Deciding to make Mother’s Day a time to celebrate what I had with Kimberly instead of grieving what I no longer had with my own mother was certainly something that was helping me push through that pain. As the day went along and as I spent the entire day with Kimberly, I felt like I was seeing the light at the end of the dark tunnel I had been trapped in for so long.
Better yet?
I could only feel myself getting stronger and more ready to move forward and become the person and wrestler I am destined to be in my own right…
“This renewed feeling and purpose, refocusing my energies to a positive place… I can already feel this glow inside of me healing my heart from all the pain I’ve ever been through….”
5-9-2022
I was feeling nervous walking through a cancer care center the next day. Melanie, my soon-to-be head trainer for my upcoming wrestling school, was with me.
“It feels… eerie… to be here…” I admitted.
“I know it does considering this was the cause of your mother’s death. But, I wanted to show you that you can turn grief into something amazingly positive. There’s someone that I want you to meet…”
We stopped by one of the rooms.
“There’s a young lady in that room, big fan of yours, wants to be a wrestler, has no idea I set her up to meet you. She’s got an amazing story that I think is going to seriously help you along the way.”
I nodded, still feeling a bit nervous. Melanie walked in the waiting room and I stood by for a moment. She opened the door and nodded at me, signaling at me to walk in. When I walked in, the young lady saw me and she was shocked. I could tell right away she was about 18.
“...oh my god!!!! Is this real?” the young lady asked.
“Yes…” I said with a nervous chuckle. “...do I need to introduce myself or…”
“Like there’s a wrestling fan in Miami that DOESN’T know who Myra Rivers is…” Melanie says with a scoff before she leaves me alone with the teen.
“I’m Myra and…”
“Virginia…” the young lady said. “Oh my god I can’t believe this is real! I want to be a wrestler myself and it’s because of you and everything you’ve ever done for the business.”
“Thank you…” I said feeling touched.
“No, thank you! You’re such an inspiration to me especially lately considering my mom’s just out of surgery for a stage one cancerous brain tumor…”
She paused, looking sad at mentioning this.
“I don’t want to lose my mom…” she said with tears in her eyes.
“You won’t… believe in that. Virginia, my mother died of brain cancer…” I paused, watching her eyes widen. “It was really difficult for me to get through and even just now, I’m working on getting past it. If I can get through this, YOU can too. Your mother will get to see you live out your dream to be a wrestler, I promise.”
Virginia lets out a sigh of relief, feeling calmer.
“I WANT your mother to see you wrestle especially because mine never did! I’m rooting for both of you all the way. I want to help people like you going through this because I never want anyone to feel the pain that I did losing my mother to that awful disease…”
“I’m sorry about your mom…”
“Don’t be…” I assured her. “I know that a loved one going through this is an incredibly hard thing and I want to let you know that if I can do it, you can too. Seeing you broken up over your mother, understandably, hurts my heart because I really do feel your pain, Virginia. There’s so much that I want to do for you… and for anyone and everyone that’s going through what I went through. Your mother will be better, have faith in that…”
“Virginia?” I heard an older woman mutter behind the curtain we were standing in front of.
“MOM?!”
Virginia burst through the curtain and I turned to see her hug her mother, overjoyed to see her awake. Her mother saw me and looked surprised knowing who I was.
“Myra was just telling me not to worry and that you were going to live to see me wrestle one day!”
I was feeling incredibly happy for the young lady knowing that she wasn’t going to have to suffer what I went through. A doctor walks into the picture at this point. I was at a bit of a standstill as I watched him mention to the pair that the prognosis was great for a full recovery. Virginia and her mother celebrated as the doctor left.
“Hey, that’s not the only thing we’re celebrating…”
This caught Virginia’s attention as I pulled something out of my purse.
“Virginia, your story inspires me. I see you and… I’ll be honest, I see so much of me within you: that same fighting spirit, that determination to realize a dream, that desire to make her loved ones proud of her, a passion for what she believes in and I know that there’s something I’m about to do that’s going to really bring a smile to your face…”
I handed her a letter.
“You are the first official student of the wrestling school I am opening up in August. That scholarship right there makes ALL of your dreams come true!”
“...oh my god! Thank you SO MUCH!!!” Virginia exclaimed as she ran up and hugged me, nearly to the point of suffocation.
“You’re welcome and I’ll see you in August! If there is anything I can do to help with your mother’s fight against brain cancer, please tell me because I want to join that fight and I want to do everything it takes to help fight against this awful disease that took my mother from me.”
“I will never forget this, Myra. Thank you!!! It means the world to me more than anything that you can ever imagine.”
Virginia dried her eyes and I would spend a few more hours with her and her mother. My heart felt like it just healed even further knowing that instead of being a secondhand victim of the disease that took my mother, that I had joined the fight against it.
Doing what I could to help others overcome going through the same thing I did turned out to be a huge step in my personal healing process…
“I’m SO happy for you…”
5-11-2022
Face to face with my cousin Cindy for the first time since that explosive ZOOM therapy session I cut off, Cindy was beaming with pride hearing my Mother’s Day story and the story of how I helped Virginia through a difficult time going through the same thing I had.
“I’m glad that you’re turning the worst negative of your life into such positive things.”
“Same. Cindy, I want to grow my bond with my daughter and never take it for granted again. I want to help people… I want to inspire those dealing with what I did growing up. Never did I imagine I’d find a greater purpose than my wrestling career but… I’ve never felt so inspired making someone’s day like that… maybe even their life. Listen… about our last session… I’m sorry. You were right. I had to move on and let my mother go”
“No Myra, I’m sorry. Not that moving on isn’t true, but the way I went about it with you was rather harsh.”
“You have nothing to feel bad about. You were doing what you felt was the right thing for me.”
“I know, but I still feel terribly guilty about how I approached that subject. In fact, for days I had been looking for a way to make it up to you…”
“Cindy, you don’t have to make it up to me! It’s fine!”
“It’s not… and I found a way to make it up to you. There’s a surprise waiting for you at the door that I managed to arrange…”
I was immediately curious as I walked back toward the door of her office. Nervousness brushed by me for a fleeting second. When I opened it, I saw two women in their sixties along with younger adults standing behind them.
“Miranda?” one of the women asked and my eyes widened recognizing her voice.
“Aunt Anna?”
“Oh my god, it’s been so long!” my other aunt said.
“Thirty years too long Aunt Becky…”
I exchanged hugs with my two aunts as we all came back inside the room. It was the first time in 30 years I had seen my mother’s sisters.
“Your father was WRONG for separating you from your mother’s family after her funeral…” Cindy explained. “I felt like now was the time to do whatever it took to right it.”
“Cindy… thank you!”
I exchanged greetings with my cousins. While there was some mention of what they’d seen on television, they mainly talked about memories of having fun and playing board games before my mother’s passing.
“It feels like our family is complete again…” my Aunt Anna said, causing me to feel this amazing joy. “Thirty years… and wow… you’ve grown up to be such a beautiful young woman. You’re almost a spitting image of your mother!”
“We don’t ever want to lose you again…” my aunt Becky added. “You’ve always been a part of our family and we never forgot about you. Miranda, we felt the same grief you did when Trina passed away. It was so hard on all of us and your father separating us from you made that pain even worse. For years, we grieved and mourned… and then we saw you do what you do in that wrestling ring…”
“It was like we were watching your mother again…” aunt Anna added. “What you’ve done in that ring is what pulled us out of our grief and allowed us to be at peace and move forward. We’re here to help you through yours because nobody has suffered more from Trina being gone than you have.”
“I’m healing…” I admitted. “I’m getting there. “Hearing that my career has helped you heal is an amazing feeling. More than anything, I’m just so happy that you all never forgot about me. I wanted to find you for so long but I worried that you might hate me or something…”
“No… we could NEVER hate you…” aunt Becky assured me. “...or forget about you… not after you helped us with our pain. We’re forever grateful to you for that.”
“And I’ll always be grateful for the fact that today, you just returned the gift of healing from the same pain we all went through!”
A jolt of inspiration went through my heart as I turned toward Cindy.
“Cindy… I’m ready…” I said with a determined tone.
“...for?”
“To let go… to heal… to move on… to be the mother, the woman and the wrestler that I’m meant to be. I know that letting go is difficult… This is my mother we’re talking about. But, it’s for the best and just because I let her go doesn’t mean she doesn’t reside in my heart…”
“Exactly, cousin…” Cindy added as each of my aunts embraced me. “I have nothing else to add. I believe that there’s a family reunion in order. Spend time with them, Myra. Be a part of her family again and continue to be their inspiration!”
“I definitely will…” I said, as I left CIndy’s office with my aunts and my cousins to have that family reunion and become reacquainted with them. As I spent time with them, I could feel that burden I’ve always carried being lifted off of my shoulders. My heart felt the lightest it had in so long and once I parted ways with my family for the moment, I realized how ready I was…
…to say goodbye…
I imagined it in my head:
My mother and I standing by a tranquil waterfall.
My soul feeling like it was about to be cleansed.
Her smiling at me and delicately touching me in the face assuring me it was going to be okay.
“Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me…” I told her. “I’m ready now…”
“I’m happy for you sweetheart…” she said. “...you get to move forward with your life. You’ve become one hell of a woman and I’m always going to be proud of that. Now you get to be even stronger. After 30 years, you’ve finally healed from me leaving you too soon. I know it was hard, sweetheart, but you persevered and you passed your final test. You see it now, don’t you? The amazing, strong, incredible person that you are?”
I nodded, reassuring her of this.
“Then my work here is done…” she said. Tears formed in her eyes knowing that this was the moment that had to happen for my own sake. “...it’s time to live and let go…”
“Will I ever see you again?” I asked, naturally.
“I’ll always be in your heart, you know that. I promise you that one day, we’ll see each other again… and the next time we do? I promise you that nothing will ever keep us apart again. But, for now? It’s time for you to make your destiny a reality.”
“I’m going to win that wo…”
“No sweetheart, don’t dedicate your match to me. It’s not about me. It’s about you… it’s about Kimberly. It’s about those you inspire. Stay strong, honey. Keep believing in yourself and what you do… and remember… always fight until the very end…”
“You have my promise on all of that…” I said with confidence. Tears strolled down my mother’s eyes while I had grown strong enough to not cry at this point.
“I love you Miranda…”
“I love you too, mother… forever…”
We exchanged one final embrace before I snapped out of my imagination feeling the closure I had longed for.
5-12-2022
Places change in 30 years…
The road where my mother had suffered her accident was completely closed and in disrepair. Kimberly and I stood by the stump where the tree her car crashed in one stood. For years, every time I would think about being in this exact spot, I would always dread it. But now? I was feeling incredibly strong. This was the final step of the healing process visiting this exact spot.
“It’s time now…” I said as Kimberly and I made a memorial out of that tree stump. Bouquets of roses were left. Candles were lit. Kimberly and I stood arm in arm for a few moments as we spent some time remembering and memorializing my mother. “Your grandmother may have left me too soon, Kimmy. But there are so many stories that I can tell you… that I WILL be sharing with you. She was, without question, the best mother I could ever ask for and one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people anyone could ever meet. Your grandmother always inspired me the same way I inspire you…”
Kimberly stood in awe as I placed the picture of my mother and I that I removed from what was now Kimberly’s locket and placed it front and center of the memorial.
“Grandma would always come play with me at night when I was smaller…” she mentioned, catching me by surprise. “...I think… were those dreams?”
“Even if they were, I believe it. She’d visit me all the time too. But now? I feel like she’s crossed over. She’ll always be special, Kimmy. Don’t forget that.”
“She was so pretty…” Kimberly adds, making me chuckle for a brief moment.
“I bet she still is, wherever she is…” I paused, feeling a chilling, yet calm presence in the wind. “...I feel like she’s even here right now watching us do this. Thank you for all that you’ve given me, mother. In one form or another, you’ll always be with me and I feel like I finally have the strength to move forward and be the best that I am ever going to be.”
There was a brief moment of silence for a while and as much as a part of me wanted to stick around, I knew that it was time to move on.
“It’s time, Kimmy.”
“Oh?”
“We’re headed home.”
“Oh…” Kimberly said with some sadness in her voice as she gently hung onto me. She let out a sigh as she looked back at the picture that I had left. “...bye grandma…”
Kimberly stepped back a bit as I turned toward the memorial. I briefly flashed back in my mind of all the amazing memories my mother and I had together and right away, I knew that I was no longer sad or grieving over what was lost, but that I was grateful and happy for what I had… that I can still have being the best mother to Kimberly that I could possibly be. My shoulders lightened further as I felt this great peace sweep me. Looking at the picture one more time, with a strong and sturdy demeanor: no tears, just confidence, I took one last breath and uttered the one word toward my mother that I was always afraid to say… until now…
“Goodbye…”
I turned away from the memorial and immediately I grabbed Kimberly’s hand. We walked away from the memorial at this point and I didn’t look back. The walk to my car wasn’t very long but when we got there, I picked up Kimberly and gave her the biggest hug I could ever give her. We both went into our car and I didn’t waste much time starting it and driving away.
I passed my final test…
I had let her go…
And finally?
I was able to move past my deepest, darkest grief and push ahead with my life with the inspirational knowledge that the best of me, in and out of that wrestling ring, was yet to come…
5-13-2022
The YouTube feed came on and I found myself in a house of mirrors hours before I was scheduled to fly from Miami to Athens. Roxi’s prior promo immediately sprung to my mind. Initially, as I looked around and saw all the mirrors, I didn’t know what to think about what she said. I was confused, but as those words marinated in my brain, I was tempted to feel anger. However, that temptation didn’t last long. I felt only one thing…
…pity…
And for a change, it wasn’t ME that I was feeling pity for. I was about to unleash it all on Roxi as I began to express my thoughts.
“Remember how you felt, Roxi? When you realized where Kat Jones really stood with you? What was the word? Disappointed! Hearing what you said disappoints me and I don’t say that to feel sorry for myself, I say that because it’s almost as if you were cutting that promo while looking into a mirror. What you said about me? Well for starters it was the pot calling the kettle black. I say this not because I hate you and not because I want to make you the bad guy as you so eloquently thought I was going to say. I say this because in my view, it’s the truth. I heard you question me and I heard you express doubt about the things I said to you and about you. You raised doubt about me and for what? So you can make a point and make a villain out of me that doesn’t exist? When I heard you say what you say, I heard the words of someone that is about to lose their world title and is honestly way more afraid of me than they care to admit. Fear is what drives us to say and do stupid things Roxi. Fear is something that drives us to lose perspective on what is really important. One of the BIGGEST things that I got listening to you talk is that you don’t even KNOW ME AT ALL! Don’t get me wrong, your words were on point and right on the money… if you said those words to me eight months ago that is. I was SHOCKED that you showed how OUT OF TOUCH you were with your challengers and especially FLOORED by the fact that the so-called “superhero” has become the Bombshells division’s Harvey Dent…
I guess that’s fitting isn’t it, Roxi? Considering how two-faced you showed yourself to be in your promo.
What you said CONFIRMS to me that you DON’T have the heart that I do to win this match and that’s not just me talking out of my ass. A champion is someone that takes the time to KNOW THEIR OPPONENTS and considering the fact that you came after me with stuff that is no longer true or relevant, then it’s clear that you don’t know me at all and that you clearly lack perspective. You know why what I said about my setbacks confused you, Roxi? Because you haven’t even BOTHERED to take the time to know me or to follow my journey over the last eight months. I’ve been saying for a while now that I USED to let setbacks and bad breaks define me, ESPECIALLY last year, but that since I became the Rebellious Vixen again, I’ve STOPPED letting them define me. Case in point with Blast from the Past, for the TWO-FACE in the back. If you actually BOTHERED to know me and my journey, you wouldn’t be so ‘confused’. You have NEVER acknowledged the progress I’ve made in the last eight months or even REALIZED it even exists. I don’t need your validation, Roxi, don’t get me wrong there. But as a fucking WORLD CHAMPION how the HELL do you come at me acting as I’m the same person I was last fall when for MONTHS, my actions have proven the OPPOSITE! Ask Max Burke about my journey. Hell, even ask Andrea for god’s sake yet for SOME reason you want to stay STUCK on what I USED to be eight months ago. Hey, I guess you needed a reason to turn me into a villain, right? You need to look in the mirror, Roxi, and you’ll see the OBSESSED person there. You can’t call ME “obsessed” when you were SO OBSESSED with beating Amber one on one for the title that you CLEARLY weren’t paying attention to what is going on around you and CLEARLY you weren’t paying attention to ME! A champion that has a heart is ABOVE having that type of tunnel vision. While you were OBSESSING over Amber, I evolved and grew into something that with your words, you CLEARLY proved that you’re not ready for.
You must be a Green Day member because you clearly think it’s still September!
YOU want to tell ME that it’s about making up for not winning the title? WOW! First off, when have I EVER said ANYTHING about making up for not winning the title? Point that promo out to me, Roxi because I NEVER expressed such a thing. Additionally, if you’re the champion you SAY you are, you would’ve taken the initiative to know me and to know that I’ve moved WAY beyond “redeeming myself for my past”. This match and this world title isn’t about redemption for me. Get the hell out of the time machine and join us all in 2022, damn it! Sure, I’ve expressed desire to be world champion and I’ve ramped up the drive and the intensity… but that’s what YOU DID after you lost at High Stakes. YOU kept JUSTIFYING THAT, Roxi… while everyone jumped down your throat for it. NOW, you want to do the same thing to ME that everyone else did to YOU that you BITCHED and MOANED so damn much about promo after promo ending 2021 and starting 2022? YOU can keep up the fight, but not ME? YOU keeping up the fight is PASSION, HEART, DESIRE, BEATING AMBER… but ME keeping up the fight after Blast from the Past is OBSESSED, HORRIBLE, WRONG, EGO…
Do as I say, not as I do, right Roxi? Criminy! What the hell is the matter with you? In fact, what the hell has happened to you? It’s not just the fact that you’re out of touch with ME, you’re out of touch with SCW in general. I mean, isn’t that always why you bring up Crystal’s past from 5 years ago or whatever every time you face her? Isn’t that way you bring up stuff from years ago with just about every opponent you faced even though said opponent has grown, changed and evolved? It’s like you have this notion of someone and no matter how untrue it has become overtime, you stay stuck on it like… dare I say… an OBSESSION! You’re OBSESSED with painting me as your villain and it’s quite pathetic and even worse is that you base this painting of me on who I was months ago that I have since grown and evolved from. For instance, ‘black and white scenario’.
In September? True… but that’s SEPTEMBER, ROXI!
Did you even WATCH the Blast from the Past tournament? Because it was NEVER about redemption for me. It was about showing that I had learned from my shortcomings and that I was ready to take that next step again. It was NEVER black and white. I got back to the finals just MONTHS after I hit rock bottom here and did I spiral downward after the finals? Did I melt down? Did I express that my career meant nothing? NO! That mentality that you harped on so much is not just DEAD… it’s WAY dead! I haven’t had that ‘all or nothing’ mentality since Violent Conduct in… say it with me now… SEPTEMBER! But hey, more proof of how LITTLE you know me and how out of touch you are. But I’M the one that acts like the ‘sky is falling’ like you so put it? You’re telling ME that I lack perspective, that I don’t see the business for what it is, that I don’t appreciate the situation that I’m in? YOU… of ALL people… telling ME this? Wait, I’m sorry… who was the one panicking and crying about being at the back of the line if they lost our last match?
OH WAIT… wasn’t that YOU? HELLO CHICKEN LITTLE!
You want to talk about lack of perspective and appreciation, huh? Hey, who’s the Bombshell that has done it all, been world champion many times over, is even in the Hall of Fame and ended the then-record streak of Alicia Lukas in an elimination chamber? That would be YOU… and MANY people in this division would KILL for your resume and yet… you show SUCH a horrendous lack of appreciation for what you’ve done. ‘Content, but not satisfied’ remember that? Oh, how about that little tantrum you had for a while in your promos saying “IT SHOULD BE ME AND AMBER ONE ON ONE! CRYSTAL SHOULDN’T BE HERE!”... for the fucking MAIN EVENT OF HIGH STAKES! Instead of APPRECIATING that you were THERE… you were upset and you were complaining CONSTANTLY about Crystal being in that match. How can you bash ME for a lack of perspective with the way you behaved for months despite the resume everyone would kill for? Hell, who’s to say the SKY WON’T FALL for you should you lose on Sunday? Because honestly, the only reason why your behavior has improved is because you got what you wanted and you beat Amber. I will agree with one thing though. We’re not friends, and we probably won’t be. Nothing personal. But I think it’s obvious we’ll never see things the same way. I mean hey, you have your opinions of me based on how I used to act 8 months ago and you’re the one that doesn’t try to really know me. Sorry Roxi, but that’s a YOU problem.
If you don’t want to get to know me, alright. I won’t lose sleep over it just like how you’re losing sleep over what I say to you and how you’re trying to pick it apart saying ‘I don’t believe it’. I don’t NEED you to believe it because I and only I alone know my inner truth here. I’m not the one saying ‘I try not to judge people’ only to judge their opponent based on things that either aren’t true anymore or that never were true at all. And see, if you’re THAT blind to the fact that you lack perspective and appreciation, then how about the fact that YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED and you STILL took time out of your promo to complain about how other Bombshells jumped down your throat? You could’ve APPRECIATED the fact that I told you “I get it” and that I understood where you were coming from, but no, you flush it down the river like it’s worth nothing to you all because you want to put me in this nice little ‘villain’ box you’re so desperate to force. But hey, how can you appreciate your world title when you even admitted it was more about beating Amber? Not that there’s anything WRONG with that, but many Bombshells would call that self-serving. Me? It’s not about making up for something, it’s about inspiring my daughter, my family and being a hell of a voice in the ring for so many people that are either suffering from, or are closely related to someone suffering from, the same disease that killed my mother. This isn’t about counting championships and padding resumes here, Roxi. It’s about being the superhero that you just revealed in your promo you are far from even being anymore.
Especially when you said that in ‘every single promo dating back to last year’, I talk about how I’m the victim because I didn’t win the title…
Yeah, because I acted like a DAMN VICTIM leading up to the four way I won, right? If you actually WATCHED the damn promo there was no pity party. There was no acting like the victim. Just me saying I wasn’t going to be denied an opportunity… similar attitude YOU had last year…
Again, I’ve GROWN, I’ve EVOLVED, but you don’t see it and it’s not just in the ring with bouncing back and winning that four way and HELLO… NOT acting like a victim… it’s outside of it: learning from failures, NOT breaking down after Blast from the Past, being a better mother, giving back to the business through my wrestling school, GOD even overcoming a 30 year old grief from my mother’s death that was basically the root of all of my former weaknesses that I have LONG grown from. If I’m not already the best version of myself, I’m BECOMING that… but you? You can’t say that…
The best version of Roxi Johnson doesn’t continue to complain about stuff from last year, doesn’t judge people based on their past when they’ve grown beyond that, doesn’t bitch about being back of the line and actually takes the time to KNOW who she’s facing. But I’M the one spitting on my accomplishments and what I’ve done? Hell, even at rock bottom, I NEVER said my record Internet title reign meant nothing. How desperate are you to create a villain, Roxi? Because that’s your biggest kryptonite… you HAVE to have a villain… I don’t know why… but you DO and the way you talked to me in your promo PROVES that. You HAVE to have a villain to motivate you so no matter how STUPID it sounds, you pull shit out of thin air and make the villain. So on top of throwing things at me that I once did that YOU did yourself… like talking about me having an obsession and an “addiction”, you end up SUCCEEDING in your desperate mission to create a villain here… except… it’s not ME…
You want to know who the real villain is here, Roxi?
It’s YOU!
Oh no, here’s me “making you out to be the bad guy” as you “predicted” I would… which you can’t even complain about since that’s pretty much what you did to me during your entire out of touch, sad excuse of a promo. This coming from the person whining and complaining about how it’s ‘hard to look forward to this match’, predicting things that I will do that are NOT TRUE ANYMORE, all but calling me a LIAR when I said that I wouldn’t act as if it was the end of the world if I lost when she went on about how losing to you would be CAREER CRIPPLING, constantly doubting me, assuming things based on outdated weaknesses of mine, admitting that this puts YOU in a “no-win situation”, saying that wrestling me is ‘not fun’, and in a backhanded way, all but admitting that she doesn’t want to wrestle me or have this match.
Roxi, how the hell can I make you out to be the bad guy? I don’t NEED to make you out to be the bad guy because that’s EXACTLY what you did with everything I just mentioned. But I’M CHICKEN LITTLE? What kind of CHAMPION acts and speaks the way you did there, Roxi? How can a world champion that represents this division ask someone to promise or say something, then turn around and call them a liar all while throwing extinct behaviors from months ago back in their face? That’s not the behavior of a role model or a superhero at all, Roxi. It’s like you’re OFFENDED that you’re facing me when I’ve done NOTHING to you PERSONALLY. I mean for fuck’s sake, you all but created the reality for yourself that you falsely accused ME of creating but I’M the one living a paranoid delusion acting like Mac Bane hasn’t told me that I’ll never be a finisher and never take that final step going into the finals… which you’d KNOW if you weren’t so busy with your Amber obsession and acting like the card hype people didn’t hype me up as ‘best Bombshell that hasn’t won the world title’ going into a match late last year against Char Kwan, right?
Paranoid delusion?
Your WHOLE PROMO is a paranoid delusion, Roxi!
I mean, how can describing yourself as my biggest detractor and my biggest denier… which by the way you could NEVER be considering that was and will always be my father… describing me as an addict and painting me as this villain in your head that doesn’t exist NOT be a paranoid delusion?
Despite all that Roxi, I’m not going to hate you. But the possibility of us ever being friends, as a result of you misconstruing my heart, soul and passion for this business as an ‘obsession’ that doesn’t exist? You just torched that bridge. This isn’t about cementing something that doesn’t exist, Roxi. It’s about being the best I can be for my daughter, my loved ones, those that want to be part of this business and anyone else that wants to stand by me. No, I don’t NEED the world title to be the best I can be for them because what matters isn’t winning, but continuing to fight when you don’t and I’ve learned how to do that more than ANYTHING in the last 8 months.
But hey, it’s not like my word means anything to you right? For your own good, Roxi… it’s YOU that needs to lose this match… and you will. When you do? Maybe you’ll look in the damn mirror for a change and you’ll see the villain you created. I may have made my mistakes in the past and I may have reacted to things the wrong way before, but even at my WORST, Roxi, I’ve NEVER taken it to the extremes that you have. This Sunday? You get to know who the fuck Myra Rivers REALLY is…
It’s a damn shame not just that it’ll be too late and your title will be gone… but that you made it that much easier for me to take that title from you…
After a wink, I walk out of the house of mirrors and the YouTube feed cuts out…
5-8-2022
Touching down in Miami, I was feeling warm heading into the lobby of the airport. I could feel that my heart was slowly healing from the grief that had experienced over my mother’s death for the past 30 years. Normally, Mother’s Day would sadden me. But today? I decided that I was going to make a much needed change…
“No more is this day going to be a burden on me. It’s never again going to remind me of what I don’t have. I know I am better than that now and I know that I have to heal from my mother’s passing and changing my perspective about this day and seeing what it is all about is one of the first steps of doing this…”
I was feeling a determination to heal and move forward at last when I saw my sister Adrianna and daughter Kimberly in the distance. Seeing Kimberly again after missing her on the Greece tour further warmed my heart. I walked up to them, with Kimberly specifically not suspecting a thing. When I got within a few feet, Kimberly turned toward me and her eyes completely lit up.
“MOM!?!?!” she exclaimed with joy! “You’re HERE!”
“Of course!” I said as I kneeled on the floor, giving Kimberly the opportunity to run up to me and give me a huge hug. This moment was all that mattered to me. I wasn’t thinking about SCW or my wrestling career. Sharing this day with my daughter meant the most out of anything going on in my life right now. “I wasn’t going to miss this day…”
We broke our embrace and we locked eyes.
“I’ve been doing some thinking while I’m gone… about you and me. As I’ve said to you so many times, you are the most important thing in my world. Everything that I do is for you and not even a tour in another country just before a big match was going to stop me from spending Mother’s Day with you. I’m ALWAYS going to move heaven and earth for you, Kimmy.”
Kimberly’s eyes shined brighter as I continued to pour some loving words to her. I was beginning to notice that I was feeling this great joy I had never experienced before.
“You are my inspiration. You are exactly why I do what I do. You have no idea how much our bond means to me. You have no idea how much of a desire to have that bond between you and I continue to grow stronger with time. Now, more than ever, that bond is important to me. Gosh, there are so many things I want to do for you as you get older and there are so many moments I want to experience with you. I want to show you the world. I want to be by your side every step of the way. I know that I’ve had my dreams in the wrestling business and all, but Kimmy, my biggest dream of all is watching you grow up into the woman you are destined to be…”
Kimberly responds with another embrace, which I return.
“This is new…” Adrianna says with a smile. “...but it’s great to see. Did something happen in Greece?”
“I’ve been putting things into a greater perspective that’s all…” I responded as we broke our embrace.
“She wrote this for you by the way…” Adrianna said, causing Kimberly and I to both be surprised. It was a card that she wrote. I took it and I wasted no time opening it and reading it aloud.
“Happy Mother’s Day…” I read from what was already printed before getting to her handwriting. “I know that you fall sometimes… but that’s okay. You always stand up and you fight again. I don’t have the perfect mommy, but I have the best one. You are always going to be my hero…”
That warmth in my heart increased…
“Aw… adorable… hey, I have something for you too!” I paused, pulling a locket out of my purse. I took a bit of a breath when I opened it and I removed a picture of my mother and I, keeping it with me. I quickly replaced it with a picture of Kimberly and I being together before I closed and handed her the locket. Kimberly gasped with some happiness when I gave it to her.
“My mother gave this to me and I feel like now it’s the time to pass it down to you…”
Kimberly was incredibly happy when she opened the locket and saw the picture. She closed it and put it around her neck.
“...that locket that I just gave you represents the bond we’ll always share no matter what. Every Mother’s Day will be a celebration of that bond and how much stronger it’s going to get every year.”
As we exchanged a third embrace and mutual “I love yous”, I could suddenly feel that pain and grief in my heart over the death of my mother start to heal and start to fade. Deciding to make Mother’s Day a time to celebrate what I had with Kimberly instead of grieving what I no longer had with my own mother was certainly something that was helping me push through that pain. As the day went along and as I spent the entire day with Kimberly, I felt like I was seeing the light at the end of the dark tunnel I had been trapped in for so long.
Better yet?
I could only feel myself getting stronger and more ready to move forward and become the person and wrestler I am destined to be in my own right…
“This renewed feeling and purpose, refocusing my energies to a positive place… I can already feel this glow inside of me healing my heart from all the pain I’ve ever been through….”
5-9-2022
I was feeling nervous walking through a cancer care center the next day. Melanie, my soon-to-be head trainer for my upcoming wrestling school, was with me.
“It feels… eerie… to be here…” I admitted.
“I know it does considering this was the cause of your mother’s death. But, I wanted to show you that you can turn grief into something amazingly positive. There’s someone that I want you to meet…”
We stopped by one of the rooms.
“There’s a young lady in that room, big fan of yours, wants to be a wrestler, has no idea I set her up to meet you. She’s got an amazing story that I think is going to seriously help you along the way.”
I nodded, still feeling a bit nervous. Melanie walked in the waiting room and I stood by for a moment. She opened the door and nodded at me, signaling at me to walk in. When I walked in, the young lady saw me and she was shocked. I could tell right away she was about 18.
“...oh my god!!!! Is this real?” the young lady asked.
“Yes…” I said with a nervous chuckle. “...do I need to introduce myself or…”
“Like there’s a wrestling fan in Miami that DOESN’T know who Myra Rivers is…” Melanie says with a scoff before she leaves me alone with the teen.
“I’m Myra and…”
“Virginia…” the young lady said. “Oh my god I can’t believe this is real! I want to be a wrestler myself and it’s because of you and everything you’ve ever done for the business.”
“Thank you…” I said feeling touched.
“No, thank you! You’re such an inspiration to me especially lately considering my mom’s just out of surgery for a stage one cancerous brain tumor…”
She paused, looking sad at mentioning this.
“I don’t want to lose my mom…” she said with tears in her eyes.
“You won’t… believe in that. Virginia, my mother died of brain cancer…” I paused, watching her eyes widen. “It was really difficult for me to get through and even just now, I’m working on getting past it. If I can get through this, YOU can too. Your mother will get to see you live out your dream to be a wrestler, I promise.”
Virginia lets out a sigh of relief, feeling calmer.
“I WANT your mother to see you wrestle especially because mine never did! I’m rooting for both of you all the way. I want to help people like you going through this because I never want anyone to feel the pain that I did losing my mother to that awful disease…”
“I’m sorry about your mom…”
“Don’t be…” I assured her. “I know that a loved one going through this is an incredibly hard thing and I want to let you know that if I can do it, you can too. Seeing you broken up over your mother, understandably, hurts my heart because I really do feel your pain, Virginia. There’s so much that I want to do for you… and for anyone and everyone that’s going through what I went through. Your mother will be better, have faith in that…”
“Virginia?” I heard an older woman mutter behind the curtain we were standing in front of.
“MOM?!”
Virginia burst through the curtain and I turned to see her hug her mother, overjoyed to see her awake. Her mother saw me and looked surprised knowing who I was.
“Myra was just telling me not to worry and that you were going to live to see me wrestle one day!”
I was feeling incredibly happy for the young lady knowing that she wasn’t going to have to suffer what I went through. A doctor walks into the picture at this point. I was at a bit of a standstill as I watched him mention to the pair that the prognosis was great for a full recovery. Virginia and her mother celebrated as the doctor left.
“Hey, that’s not the only thing we’re celebrating…”
This caught Virginia’s attention as I pulled something out of my purse.
“Virginia, your story inspires me. I see you and… I’ll be honest, I see so much of me within you: that same fighting spirit, that determination to realize a dream, that desire to make her loved ones proud of her, a passion for what she believes in and I know that there’s something I’m about to do that’s going to really bring a smile to your face…”
I handed her a letter.
“You are the first official student of the wrestling school I am opening up in August. That scholarship right there makes ALL of your dreams come true!”
“...oh my god! Thank you SO MUCH!!!” Virginia exclaimed as she ran up and hugged me, nearly to the point of suffocation.
“You’re welcome and I’ll see you in August! If there is anything I can do to help with your mother’s fight against brain cancer, please tell me because I want to join that fight and I want to do everything it takes to help fight against this awful disease that took my mother from me.”
“I will never forget this, Myra. Thank you!!! It means the world to me more than anything that you can ever imagine.”
Virginia dried her eyes and I would spend a few more hours with her and her mother. My heart felt like it just healed even further knowing that instead of being a secondhand victim of the disease that took my mother, that I had joined the fight against it.
Doing what I could to help others overcome going through the same thing I did turned out to be a huge step in my personal healing process…
“I’m SO happy for you…”
5-11-2022
Face to face with my cousin Cindy for the first time since that explosive ZOOM therapy session I cut off, Cindy was beaming with pride hearing my Mother’s Day story and the story of how I helped Virginia through a difficult time going through the same thing I had.
“I’m glad that you’re turning the worst negative of your life into such positive things.”
“Same. Cindy, I want to grow my bond with my daughter and never take it for granted again. I want to help people… I want to inspire those dealing with what I did growing up. Never did I imagine I’d find a greater purpose than my wrestling career but… I’ve never felt so inspired making someone’s day like that… maybe even their life. Listen… about our last session… I’m sorry. You were right. I had to move on and let my mother go”
“No Myra, I’m sorry. Not that moving on isn’t true, but the way I went about it with you was rather harsh.”
“You have nothing to feel bad about. You were doing what you felt was the right thing for me.”
“I know, but I still feel terribly guilty about how I approached that subject. In fact, for days I had been looking for a way to make it up to you…”
“Cindy, you don’t have to make it up to me! It’s fine!”
“It’s not… and I found a way to make it up to you. There’s a surprise waiting for you at the door that I managed to arrange…”
I was immediately curious as I walked back toward the door of her office. Nervousness brushed by me for a fleeting second. When I opened it, I saw two women in their sixties along with younger adults standing behind them.
“Miranda?” one of the women asked and my eyes widened recognizing her voice.
“Aunt Anna?”
“Oh my god, it’s been so long!” my other aunt said.
“Thirty years too long Aunt Becky…”
I exchanged hugs with my two aunts as we all came back inside the room. It was the first time in 30 years I had seen my mother’s sisters.
“Your father was WRONG for separating you from your mother’s family after her funeral…” Cindy explained. “I felt like now was the time to do whatever it took to right it.”
“Cindy… thank you!”
I exchanged greetings with my cousins. While there was some mention of what they’d seen on television, they mainly talked about memories of having fun and playing board games before my mother’s passing.
“It feels like our family is complete again…” my Aunt Anna said, causing me to feel this amazing joy. “Thirty years… and wow… you’ve grown up to be such a beautiful young woman. You’re almost a spitting image of your mother!”
“We don’t ever want to lose you again…” my aunt Becky added. “You’ve always been a part of our family and we never forgot about you. Miranda, we felt the same grief you did when Trina passed away. It was so hard on all of us and your father separating us from you made that pain even worse. For years, we grieved and mourned… and then we saw you do what you do in that wrestling ring…”
“It was like we were watching your mother again…” aunt Anna added. “What you’ve done in that ring is what pulled us out of our grief and allowed us to be at peace and move forward. We’re here to help you through yours because nobody has suffered more from Trina being gone than you have.”
“I’m healing…” I admitted. “I’m getting there. “Hearing that my career has helped you heal is an amazing feeling. More than anything, I’m just so happy that you all never forgot about me. I wanted to find you for so long but I worried that you might hate me or something…”
“No… we could NEVER hate you…” aunt Becky assured me. “...or forget about you… not after you helped us with our pain. We’re forever grateful to you for that.”
“And I’ll always be grateful for the fact that today, you just returned the gift of healing from the same pain we all went through!”
A jolt of inspiration went through my heart as I turned toward Cindy.
“Cindy… I’m ready…” I said with a determined tone.
“...for?”
“To let go… to heal… to move on… to be the mother, the woman and the wrestler that I’m meant to be. I know that letting go is difficult… This is my mother we’re talking about. But, it’s for the best and just because I let her go doesn’t mean she doesn’t reside in my heart…”
“Exactly, cousin…” Cindy added as each of my aunts embraced me. “I have nothing else to add. I believe that there’s a family reunion in order. Spend time with them, Myra. Be a part of her family again and continue to be their inspiration!”
“I definitely will…” I said, as I left CIndy’s office with my aunts and my cousins to have that family reunion and become reacquainted with them. As I spent time with them, I could feel that burden I’ve always carried being lifted off of my shoulders. My heart felt the lightest it had in so long and once I parted ways with my family for the moment, I realized how ready I was…
…to say goodbye…
I imagined it in my head:
My mother and I standing by a tranquil waterfall.
My soul feeling like it was about to be cleansed.
Her smiling at me and delicately touching me in the face assuring me it was going to be okay.
“Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me…” I told her. “I’m ready now…”
“I’m happy for you sweetheart…” she said. “...you get to move forward with your life. You’ve become one hell of a woman and I’m always going to be proud of that. Now you get to be even stronger. After 30 years, you’ve finally healed from me leaving you too soon. I know it was hard, sweetheart, but you persevered and you passed your final test. You see it now, don’t you? The amazing, strong, incredible person that you are?”
I nodded, reassuring her of this.
“Then my work here is done…” she said. Tears formed in her eyes knowing that this was the moment that had to happen for my own sake. “...it’s time to live and let go…”
“Will I ever see you again?” I asked, naturally.
“I’ll always be in your heart, you know that. I promise you that one day, we’ll see each other again… and the next time we do? I promise you that nothing will ever keep us apart again. But, for now? It’s time for you to make your destiny a reality.”
“I’m going to win that wo…”
“No sweetheart, don’t dedicate your match to me. It’s not about me. It’s about you… it’s about Kimberly. It’s about those you inspire. Stay strong, honey. Keep believing in yourself and what you do… and remember… always fight until the very end…”
“You have my promise on all of that…” I said with confidence. Tears strolled down my mother’s eyes while I had grown strong enough to not cry at this point.
“I love you Miranda…”
“I love you too, mother… forever…”
We exchanged one final embrace before I snapped out of my imagination feeling the closure I had longed for.
5-12-2022
Places change in 30 years…
The road where my mother had suffered her accident was completely closed and in disrepair. Kimberly and I stood by the stump where the tree her car crashed in one stood. For years, every time I would think about being in this exact spot, I would always dread it. But now? I was feeling incredibly strong. This was the final step of the healing process visiting this exact spot.
“It’s time now…” I said as Kimberly and I made a memorial out of that tree stump. Bouquets of roses were left. Candles were lit. Kimberly and I stood arm in arm for a few moments as we spent some time remembering and memorializing my mother. “Your grandmother may have left me too soon, Kimmy. But there are so many stories that I can tell you… that I WILL be sharing with you. She was, without question, the best mother I could ever ask for and one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people anyone could ever meet. Your grandmother always inspired me the same way I inspire you…”
Kimberly stood in awe as I placed the picture of my mother and I that I removed from what was now Kimberly’s locket and placed it front and center of the memorial.
“Grandma would always come play with me at night when I was smaller…” she mentioned, catching me by surprise. “...I think… were those dreams?”
“Even if they were, I believe it. She’d visit me all the time too. But now? I feel like she’s crossed over. She’ll always be special, Kimmy. Don’t forget that.”
“She was so pretty…” Kimberly adds, making me chuckle for a brief moment.
“I bet she still is, wherever she is…” I paused, feeling a chilling, yet calm presence in the wind. “...I feel like she’s even here right now watching us do this. Thank you for all that you’ve given me, mother. In one form or another, you’ll always be with me and I feel like I finally have the strength to move forward and be the best that I am ever going to be.”
There was a brief moment of silence for a while and as much as a part of me wanted to stick around, I knew that it was time to move on.
“It’s time, Kimmy.”
“Oh?”
“We’re headed home.”
“Oh…” Kimberly said with some sadness in her voice as she gently hung onto me. She let out a sigh as she looked back at the picture that I had left. “...bye grandma…”
Kimberly stepped back a bit as I turned toward the memorial. I briefly flashed back in my mind of all the amazing memories my mother and I had together and right away, I knew that I was no longer sad or grieving over what was lost, but that I was grateful and happy for what I had… that I can still have being the best mother to Kimberly that I could possibly be. My shoulders lightened further as I felt this great peace sweep me. Looking at the picture one more time, with a strong and sturdy demeanor: no tears, just confidence, I took one last breath and uttered the one word toward my mother that I was always afraid to say… until now…
“Goodbye…”
I turned away from the memorial and immediately I grabbed Kimberly’s hand. We walked away from the memorial at this point and I didn’t look back. The walk to my car wasn’t very long but when we got there, I picked up Kimberly and gave her the biggest hug I could ever give her. We both went into our car and I didn’t waste much time starting it and driving away.
I passed my final test…
I had let her go…
And finally?
I was able to move past my deepest, darkest grief and push ahead with my life with the inspirational knowledge that the best of me, in and out of that wrestling ring, was yet to come…
5-13-2022
The YouTube feed came on and I found myself in a house of mirrors hours before I was scheduled to fly from Miami to Athens. Roxi’s prior promo immediately sprung to my mind. Initially, as I looked around and saw all the mirrors, I didn’t know what to think about what she said. I was confused, but as those words marinated in my brain, I was tempted to feel anger. However, that temptation didn’t last long. I felt only one thing…
…pity…
And for a change, it wasn’t ME that I was feeling pity for. I was about to unleash it all on Roxi as I began to express my thoughts.
“Remember how you felt, Roxi? When you realized where Kat Jones really stood with you? What was the word? Disappointed! Hearing what you said disappoints me and I don’t say that to feel sorry for myself, I say that because it’s almost as if you were cutting that promo while looking into a mirror. What you said about me? Well for starters it was the pot calling the kettle black. I say this not because I hate you and not because I want to make you the bad guy as you so eloquently thought I was going to say. I say this because in my view, it’s the truth. I heard you question me and I heard you express doubt about the things I said to you and about you. You raised doubt about me and for what? So you can make a point and make a villain out of me that doesn’t exist? When I heard you say what you say, I heard the words of someone that is about to lose their world title and is honestly way more afraid of me than they care to admit. Fear is what drives us to say and do stupid things Roxi. Fear is something that drives us to lose perspective on what is really important. One of the BIGGEST things that I got listening to you talk is that you don’t even KNOW ME AT ALL! Don’t get me wrong, your words were on point and right on the money… if you said those words to me eight months ago that is. I was SHOCKED that you showed how OUT OF TOUCH you were with your challengers and especially FLOORED by the fact that the so-called “superhero” has become the Bombshells division’s Harvey Dent…
I guess that’s fitting isn’t it, Roxi? Considering how two-faced you showed yourself to be in your promo.
What you said CONFIRMS to me that you DON’T have the heart that I do to win this match and that’s not just me talking out of my ass. A champion is someone that takes the time to KNOW THEIR OPPONENTS and considering the fact that you came after me with stuff that is no longer true or relevant, then it’s clear that you don’t know me at all and that you clearly lack perspective. You know why what I said about my setbacks confused you, Roxi? Because you haven’t even BOTHERED to take the time to know me or to follow my journey over the last eight months. I’ve been saying for a while now that I USED to let setbacks and bad breaks define me, ESPECIALLY last year, but that since I became the Rebellious Vixen again, I’ve STOPPED letting them define me. Case in point with Blast from the Past, for the TWO-FACE in the back. If you actually BOTHERED to know me and my journey, you wouldn’t be so ‘confused’. You have NEVER acknowledged the progress I’ve made in the last eight months or even REALIZED it even exists. I don’t need your validation, Roxi, don’t get me wrong there. But as a fucking WORLD CHAMPION how the HELL do you come at me acting as I’m the same person I was last fall when for MONTHS, my actions have proven the OPPOSITE! Ask Max Burke about my journey. Hell, even ask Andrea for god’s sake yet for SOME reason you want to stay STUCK on what I USED to be eight months ago. Hey, I guess you needed a reason to turn me into a villain, right? You need to look in the mirror, Roxi, and you’ll see the OBSESSED person there. You can’t call ME “obsessed” when you were SO OBSESSED with beating Amber one on one for the title that you CLEARLY weren’t paying attention to what is going on around you and CLEARLY you weren’t paying attention to ME! A champion that has a heart is ABOVE having that type of tunnel vision. While you were OBSESSING over Amber, I evolved and grew into something that with your words, you CLEARLY proved that you’re not ready for.
You must be a Green Day member because you clearly think it’s still September!
YOU want to tell ME that it’s about making up for not winning the title? WOW! First off, when have I EVER said ANYTHING about making up for not winning the title? Point that promo out to me, Roxi because I NEVER expressed such a thing. Additionally, if you’re the champion you SAY you are, you would’ve taken the initiative to know me and to know that I’ve moved WAY beyond “redeeming myself for my past”. This match and this world title isn’t about redemption for me. Get the hell out of the time machine and join us all in 2022, damn it! Sure, I’ve expressed desire to be world champion and I’ve ramped up the drive and the intensity… but that’s what YOU DID after you lost at High Stakes. YOU kept JUSTIFYING THAT, Roxi… while everyone jumped down your throat for it. NOW, you want to do the same thing to ME that everyone else did to YOU that you BITCHED and MOANED so damn much about promo after promo ending 2021 and starting 2022? YOU can keep up the fight, but not ME? YOU keeping up the fight is PASSION, HEART, DESIRE, BEATING AMBER… but ME keeping up the fight after Blast from the Past is OBSESSED, HORRIBLE, WRONG, EGO…
Do as I say, not as I do, right Roxi? Criminy! What the hell is the matter with you? In fact, what the hell has happened to you? It’s not just the fact that you’re out of touch with ME, you’re out of touch with SCW in general. I mean, isn’t that always why you bring up Crystal’s past from 5 years ago or whatever every time you face her? Isn’t that way you bring up stuff from years ago with just about every opponent you faced even though said opponent has grown, changed and evolved? It’s like you have this notion of someone and no matter how untrue it has become overtime, you stay stuck on it like… dare I say… an OBSESSION! You’re OBSESSED with painting me as your villain and it’s quite pathetic and even worse is that you base this painting of me on who I was months ago that I have since grown and evolved from. For instance, ‘black and white scenario’.
In September? True… but that’s SEPTEMBER, ROXI!
Did you even WATCH the Blast from the Past tournament? Because it was NEVER about redemption for me. It was about showing that I had learned from my shortcomings and that I was ready to take that next step again. It was NEVER black and white. I got back to the finals just MONTHS after I hit rock bottom here and did I spiral downward after the finals? Did I melt down? Did I express that my career meant nothing? NO! That mentality that you harped on so much is not just DEAD… it’s WAY dead! I haven’t had that ‘all or nothing’ mentality since Violent Conduct in… say it with me now… SEPTEMBER! But hey, more proof of how LITTLE you know me and how out of touch you are. But I’M the one that acts like the ‘sky is falling’ like you so put it? You’re telling ME that I lack perspective, that I don’t see the business for what it is, that I don’t appreciate the situation that I’m in? YOU… of ALL people… telling ME this? Wait, I’m sorry… who was the one panicking and crying about being at the back of the line if they lost our last match?
OH WAIT… wasn’t that YOU? HELLO CHICKEN LITTLE!
You want to talk about lack of perspective and appreciation, huh? Hey, who’s the Bombshell that has done it all, been world champion many times over, is even in the Hall of Fame and ended the then-record streak of Alicia Lukas in an elimination chamber? That would be YOU… and MANY people in this division would KILL for your resume and yet… you show SUCH a horrendous lack of appreciation for what you’ve done. ‘Content, but not satisfied’ remember that? Oh, how about that little tantrum you had for a while in your promos saying “IT SHOULD BE ME AND AMBER ONE ON ONE! CRYSTAL SHOULDN’T BE HERE!”... for the fucking MAIN EVENT OF HIGH STAKES! Instead of APPRECIATING that you were THERE… you were upset and you were complaining CONSTANTLY about Crystal being in that match. How can you bash ME for a lack of perspective with the way you behaved for months despite the resume everyone would kill for? Hell, who’s to say the SKY WON’T FALL for you should you lose on Sunday? Because honestly, the only reason why your behavior has improved is because you got what you wanted and you beat Amber. I will agree with one thing though. We’re not friends, and we probably won’t be. Nothing personal. But I think it’s obvious we’ll never see things the same way. I mean hey, you have your opinions of me based on how I used to act 8 months ago and you’re the one that doesn’t try to really know me. Sorry Roxi, but that’s a YOU problem.
If you don’t want to get to know me, alright. I won’t lose sleep over it just like how you’re losing sleep over what I say to you and how you’re trying to pick it apart saying ‘I don’t believe it’. I don’t NEED you to believe it because I and only I alone know my inner truth here. I’m not the one saying ‘I try not to judge people’ only to judge their opponent based on things that either aren’t true anymore or that never were true at all. And see, if you’re THAT blind to the fact that you lack perspective and appreciation, then how about the fact that YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED and you STILL took time out of your promo to complain about how other Bombshells jumped down your throat? You could’ve APPRECIATED the fact that I told you “I get it” and that I understood where you were coming from, but no, you flush it down the river like it’s worth nothing to you all because you want to put me in this nice little ‘villain’ box you’re so desperate to force. But hey, how can you appreciate your world title when you even admitted it was more about beating Amber? Not that there’s anything WRONG with that, but many Bombshells would call that self-serving. Me? It’s not about making up for something, it’s about inspiring my daughter, my family and being a hell of a voice in the ring for so many people that are either suffering from, or are closely related to someone suffering from, the same disease that killed my mother. This isn’t about counting championships and padding resumes here, Roxi. It’s about being the superhero that you just revealed in your promo you are far from even being anymore.
Especially when you said that in ‘every single promo dating back to last year’, I talk about how I’m the victim because I didn’t win the title…
Yeah, because I acted like a DAMN VICTIM leading up to the four way I won, right? If you actually WATCHED the damn promo there was no pity party. There was no acting like the victim. Just me saying I wasn’t going to be denied an opportunity… similar attitude YOU had last year…
Again, I’ve GROWN, I’ve EVOLVED, but you don’t see it and it’s not just in the ring with bouncing back and winning that four way and HELLO… NOT acting like a victim… it’s outside of it: learning from failures, NOT breaking down after Blast from the Past, being a better mother, giving back to the business through my wrestling school, GOD even overcoming a 30 year old grief from my mother’s death that was basically the root of all of my former weaknesses that I have LONG grown from. If I’m not already the best version of myself, I’m BECOMING that… but you? You can’t say that…
The best version of Roxi Johnson doesn’t continue to complain about stuff from last year, doesn’t judge people based on their past when they’ve grown beyond that, doesn’t bitch about being back of the line and actually takes the time to KNOW who she’s facing. But I’M the one spitting on my accomplishments and what I’ve done? Hell, even at rock bottom, I NEVER said my record Internet title reign meant nothing. How desperate are you to create a villain, Roxi? Because that’s your biggest kryptonite… you HAVE to have a villain… I don’t know why… but you DO and the way you talked to me in your promo PROVES that. You HAVE to have a villain to motivate you so no matter how STUPID it sounds, you pull shit out of thin air and make the villain. So on top of throwing things at me that I once did that YOU did yourself… like talking about me having an obsession and an “addiction”, you end up SUCCEEDING in your desperate mission to create a villain here… except… it’s not ME…
You want to know who the real villain is here, Roxi?
It’s YOU!
Oh no, here’s me “making you out to be the bad guy” as you “predicted” I would… which you can’t even complain about since that’s pretty much what you did to me during your entire out of touch, sad excuse of a promo. This coming from the person whining and complaining about how it’s ‘hard to look forward to this match’, predicting things that I will do that are NOT TRUE ANYMORE, all but calling me a LIAR when I said that I wouldn’t act as if it was the end of the world if I lost when she went on about how losing to you would be CAREER CRIPPLING, constantly doubting me, assuming things based on outdated weaknesses of mine, admitting that this puts YOU in a “no-win situation”, saying that wrestling me is ‘not fun’, and in a backhanded way, all but admitting that she doesn’t want to wrestle me or have this match.
Roxi, how the hell can I make you out to be the bad guy? I don’t NEED to make you out to be the bad guy because that’s EXACTLY what you did with everything I just mentioned. But I’M CHICKEN LITTLE? What kind of CHAMPION acts and speaks the way you did there, Roxi? How can a world champion that represents this division ask someone to promise or say something, then turn around and call them a liar all while throwing extinct behaviors from months ago back in their face? That’s not the behavior of a role model or a superhero at all, Roxi. It’s like you’re OFFENDED that you’re facing me when I’ve done NOTHING to you PERSONALLY. I mean for fuck’s sake, you all but created the reality for yourself that you falsely accused ME of creating but I’M the one living a paranoid delusion acting like Mac Bane hasn’t told me that I’ll never be a finisher and never take that final step going into the finals… which you’d KNOW if you weren’t so busy with your Amber obsession and acting like the card hype people didn’t hype me up as ‘best Bombshell that hasn’t won the world title’ going into a match late last year against Char Kwan, right?
Paranoid delusion?
Your WHOLE PROMO is a paranoid delusion, Roxi!
I mean, how can describing yourself as my biggest detractor and my biggest denier… which by the way you could NEVER be considering that was and will always be my father… describing me as an addict and painting me as this villain in your head that doesn’t exist NOT be a paranoid delusion?
Despite all that Roxi, I’m not going to hate you. But the possibility of us ever being friends, as a result of you misconstruing my heart, soul and passion for this business as an ‘obsession’ that doesn’t exist? You just torched that bridge. This isn’t about cementing something that doesn’t exist, Roxi. It’s about being the best I can be for my daughter, my loved ones, those that want to be part of this business and anyone else that wants to stand by me. No, I don’t NEED the world title to be the best I can be for them because what matters isn’t winning, but continuing to fight when you don’t and I’ve learned how to do that more than ANYTHING in the last 8 months.
But hey, it’s not like my word means anything to you right? For your own good, Roxi… it’s YOU that needs to lose this match… and you will. When you do? Maybe you’ll look in the damn mirror for a change and you’ll see the villain you created. I may have made my mistakes in the past and I may have reacted to things the wrong way before, but even at my WORST, Roxi, I’ve NEVER taken it to the extremes that you have. This Sunday? You get to know who the fuck Myra Rivers REALLY is…
It’s a damn shame not just that it’ll be too late and your title will be gone… but that you made it that much easier for me to take that title from you…
After a wink, I walk out of the house of mirrors and the YouTube feed cuts out…