"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

When the scene opens, Evelyn Welch is being escorted into a living room by Sebastian and Silas. The first thing that is visible on her is the plastic nose guard over her face. She has her hair pulled back in a ponytail and a sense of sorrow on her face. She walks over to the sectional sofa and sits down at the end. She curls her leg beneath her bottom and rests her hands on her lap. She starts to roll her neck and looks over to Silas as he sits down next to her.

SILAS STEWARD: “Everything O.K.?”

He says, trying to comfort her.

EVELYN WELCH: “Is everything O.K.? Is everything O.K.!?! Look at my beautiful face!?”

She holds her right hand up to her nose.

EVELYN WELCH: “A piece of skin off my nose was physically chewed off by that psycho bitch! She tried to mutilate me and what do the SCW’s heads have to say about it? Nothing!”

She rubs her finger beneath her right eye as she starts to shred a tear. Silas reaches his hand over and sets it on her shoulder.

SILAS STEWARD: “I should have been out there. We both should have been at there: Sebastian and me. It’s not fair that something like this had to happen to such a beautiful woman like yourself.”

EVELYN WELCH: “My momma has always warned me about fighting with ugly people and you know what? I have concluded my momma was right. Fighting with ugly people will always have wretched results because they do not have anything to lose!”

She sets her hand over her nose guard and adjusts it carefully.

SILAS STEWARD: “Then, I think I’m going to hate giving you this next piece of information we got about you.”

Evelyn’s eye widen.

EVELYN WELCH: “What!?”

She grasps.

EVELYN WELCH: “What is it!?”

Sebastian, who is standing across the room, reaches in his pocket and pulls out a folded up piece of paper. He walks it over to Evelyn and hands it to her.

SEBASTIAN STEWARD: “You better take a Xanax before you open it because it’s pretty surprising.”

Evelyn shakes her head while unfolding the paper. She straightens it out and starts to read the print. Her eyes widen once more as her jaw nearly drops to the floor.

EVELYN WELCH: “ANOTHER ONE!?! I have to compete in another match!? What the hell is Mark Ward and Christian Underwood smoking? I just got out of a very painful match last week, I’m not ready for another match so soon!”

She sets the paper down in her lap and slides her hands through her hair. She sets her face into her cupped hands and starts to make crying noises.

SILAS STEWARD: “Well, you do have Liam Ryan as a partner this week. He’s officially in the match and hopefully he can carry the weight of the match.”

Sebastian chuckles.

SEBASTIAN STEWARD: “Then, she wouldn’t have needed to hire us, brother! Liam Ryan is going up against Lachlan Kane!”

Silas just laughs.

SILAS STEWARD: “Dude, cut Liam some slack! The kid impressed the world with his debut win over Anthrax. Let’s see how well he does against Lachlan.”

Sebastian points his thumb toward his chest.

SEBASTIAN STEWARD: “Bro, team Eggplant are the longest reigning Mixed Tag Team Champions in SCW’s history! Do you really want to put Evelyn’s well-being in a possibility? WE need to step up our game and do what Evelyn paid us to do.”

Evelyn slides her legs out from under her and sets them on the floor. She holds her hands out and shouts.

EVELYN WELCH: “ENOUGH!”

She raises her hands to her forehead and starts to massage her head.

EVELYN WELCH: “Your little bickering is giving me a splitting headache. We will figure something out. I promised Liam Ryan would have gold soon and if that means, we must win the Mixed Tag Team Championships… then so be it. All three of us need to work out a plan to make sure Liam Ryan looks like the star I need him to be! Liam Ryan needs to be the one who gets the win and continues to move up in the rankings.”

They both tilt their heads toward her as she touches the tip of her face mask.

EVELYN WELCH: “Where is Liam anyway?”

She looks over to Sebastian and he just shrugs. They both look over at Silas.

SILAS STEWARD: “What?”

He says surprisingly.

SILAS STEWARD: “Am I his keeper now? I don’t know where the flaming Queen is! He’s probably at his house watching reruns of the Real Housewives.”

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Evelyn picks her cell phone up after dialing a number. She holds it up at face level and starting to fix the strands of her hair as she waits for the person the opposite end to answer. The phone picks up and FaceTime switches over to the other line, which has Liam Ryan and shirtless at that. He’s lying on his side in bed.

LIAM RYAN: “Hey chica! How’s it going girl?”

She brings her hand up to her nose guard and shrugs her shoulders.

EVELYN WELCH: “Eh. I guess it’s going.”

His eyes widen on Facetime.

LIAM RYAN: “Damn girl, Twisted Sister fucked you up!”

Evelyn flips him off and disconnects the call. She looks over to Silas.

EVELYN WELCH: “Is this how it will be every single week? Everybody is going to notice my nose. How humiliating!”

The phone is ringing and she looks down to see “Liam Ryan calling,” on the screen. She rolls her eyes and lifts her phone up. She answers it.

LIAM RYAN: “I was kidding! I was kidding! Don’t hang up. I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head.

EVELYN WELCH: “Yeah, yeah, save that humor for your next match.”

Liam starts beaming from ear to ear with excitement.  

LIAM RYAN: “Yaaasss! Who do I get to snatch this week!?”

EVELYN WELCH: “Lachlan Kane and his little squeeze Sierra Williams. They are called Team Eggplant!”

He holds the phone above his crotch and he points down to his package.

LIAM RYAN: “Team Eggplant for the win! I totally need to be his partner. I wonder why they booked a handicap match and why I have to face somebody as hot as Lachlan Kane? I had wet dreams about him the other night. I dreamt he grind his eggplant into my peach. Oh the moans of ecstasy!”

A disgusted expression comes across Evelyn’s face as she’s just staring at Liam through the phone.

LIAM RYAN: “Ev? You there?”

EVELYN WELCH: “Yuck! I don’t want to picture you engaging in any kind of intercourse with Lachlan Kane! He’s with that STD drug addicted chick! No telling what those two have between them. Hepatitis C, gonorrhea, or even AIDS.”

Liam starts rubbing his crotch as Evelyn holds the face of the phone away from her.

LIAM RYAN: “Morning wood is sure hard to work with though. Anyway, do you know what they say Ev? About AIDS that is. It’s the gay man’s disease.”

Ev rolls her eyes.

LIAM RYAN: “I finally get to snatch that bitch by her cheap polyester hair though. God! She’s so freaking annoying! You would think somebody that ugly—“

Ev interrupts him.

EVELYN WELCH: “NO, you dork! It’s not a handicap match. It’s a mixed tag team match and I’m your partner. It’s an eight-team tournament to crown the next Mixed Tag Team Champions. London Underground, Jack Asher and his girlfriend Emmie have already advanced.”

Liam starts to rub his chin.

LIAM RYAN: “Oh my first STRAP! Yaaass boi, who’s your daddy now mother fuckers!?”

He celebrates as he hops up on his bed and starts bouncing. He flops down on his rear-end.

LIAM RYAN: “Hey, do you think I can borrow Sebastian tonight? I want to do some karaoke and I need him to do the guy parts.”

Ev looks over at Sebastian who looks nervously uninterested. She shrugs her shoulders and smirks toward him. She holds her hand out toward Sebastian and tries to motion him to get into the moment.

EVELYN WELCH: “Yes, but—”

Liam interrupts her now.

LIAM RYAN: “Kay, kay, don’t worry about a thing! I’ll handle everything! But right now I have to go take care of my eggplant and shower!”

He disconnects the call and Evelyn is left speechless looking at the phone.

EVELYN WELCH: “Does he not even care about my physical well-being and that I’m clearly not 100% to compete this week?”

Sebastian interjects.

SEBASTIAN STEWARD: “Does he not know I’m not gay?”

Silas has a grin on his face. The scene fades to black.

****************************************************************

•REC

EVELYN WELCH: “I told SCW I didn’t want to compete last week. I told them I was not a trained wrestler. What did they still make me do? They made me set foot in the same ring with Twisted Sister and look at what happened to me!”

She points both her forefingers toward her nose. She shakes her head in disgusts and lower her hands to her hips.

EVELYN WELCH: “Look at my nose! That psycho bitch tried to ruin my money maker by biting my nose! In a civilized world, what she did would have been considered an assault and battery. You can’t just go around biting people’s noses and trying to ruin their beautiful faces just out pure jealousy. The whack job has no self-control to restrain herself. She doesn’t belong in SCW; hell, she doesn’t even belong in society. She needs to be locked away in an ill equipped psychiatric ward where she’s kept heavily sedated!”

EVELYN WELCH: “The best thing to ever happen to me last week was Liam Ryan pulling me out of that ring before that insane psycho could do any further harm to me. For that, I am totally grateful to Liam Ryan because he recognizes that match should have never been made in the first place. Like this week. Once again, the SCW’s heads decided to put yours truly in a match with a complete psycho! A complete psycho bitch! It’s not just me in the match this week; oh no, I am teaming with my client Liam Ryan to take on both Lachlan Kane and Sierra Williams.”

She keeps her hands perched on her hips, but raises her right hand up to her chest as she sets her fingers around the lower end of her throat.

EVELYN WELCH: “How is it even possible I find myself in another match with another total psycho bitch? Sierra Williams prides herself on hurting other competitors. Have you seen some of her twitter threats toward other girls? She is a ticking timebomb ready to explode at any given moment. It’s like my nightmare with Twisted Sister never freaking ended! I must show up to this match because it’s no longer just about me. It’s about my client. It’s about Liam Ryan’s future in SCW. Liam Ryan needs to be a champion. Once he’s champion, he will have his foot in the door. I didn’t have any intentions on pursuing the Mixed Tag Team Championships because these titles aren’t exactly glorified; however, it’s an opportunity. Any opportunity is better than none.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and starts tapping her fingers on her left forearm.

EVELYN WELCH: “Finding out Sierra and Lachlan, the lovebirds of SCW, are former Mixed Tag Team Champions only sweeten the pot. They are not just former champions, but the longest reigning champions. Some will say it’s a big accomplishment, but if you look at the number of champions—it’s not as impressive as it seemed. When Liam Ryan defeats Team Eggplant this week on Climax Control, it will be almost musical to anticipate him as the frontrunner in this tournament. Liam Ryan and I only have to go through three teams before we are given those beautiful gold encrusted belts that are highly respected in this company. Mark Ward and Christian Underwood putting together this tournament the way they did really worked to Liam Ryan’s advantage. I wanted Liam Ryan to face off against former or current champions. These competitors are the individuals who are better steppingstones to achieving his true potential in SCW. I can’t wait to see the looks on Lachlan and Sierra’s faces when Ground & Pound are announced as the victors, then shortly after realizing they had just been eliminated.”

Evelyn very arrogantly starts to wave her fingers toward the camera as she twitches her nose, as she’s rubbing it in Team Eggplant’s faces.

EVELYN WELCH: “Sierra, you’re lucky. You’re lucky the rules in this company are simple: men against men and women against women. This isn’t the attitude era. This isn’t the ruthless aggression era. They are protecting women from being seriously hurt in the ring. Or so they think. The rules are simple: when one of us is tagged in, the other one must automatically enter the ring. I would have loved to see how well you did against Liam Ryan because I’m pretty sure he would have mopped the mat with your face! You know what they say Sierra? Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”

She raises her right hand to her left shoulder and dusts it off, then does the same thing with the opposite hand and shoulder. She tosses her hair behind the shoulder and continues.

EVELYN WELCH: “I didn’t study you as well as I probably should have, but I have checked you out. Sierra, do you really think your wrestling attire is effective? I mean, not to be crude, but you look like a whore. You look like a street rat and that’s not a compliment. Where is the class? The elegance? The dignity? You want to be champion again, but you don’t look like a champion. I might not be as talented as you are in the ring Sierra, but I do look more like a champion than you. With your wrestling abilities and my looks, we would be the ultimate champions. It’s all about appearance Sierra and sorry, but that’s the area where you’re lacking in. Why don’t you go find a stylist and stop worrying about who’s face you’re going to break, who’s nose you’re going to bust open, and who’s mouth you’re going to punch because honey, it’s not FEMININE to act the way you do. Yes, I’ve seen you on twitter Sierra. I’ve read some of your tweets and even investigated some of your work in other wrestling companies. Trashy, trashy, trashy! You’re garbage.”

She starts rock her hands up and down as she dusts them off. She tilts her head to the right and smirks.

EVELYN WELCH: “I’m not your mother and thank Jesus for that, so I’m not going to even begin to try and change your lifestyle. You might have faced some great competitors and the most recent one I have seen was your match with Bobbie Dahl. You didn’t win, but you put up a hell of a fight. You demonstrated some superb skills in the match, but there’s one thing you don’t have. You don’t have a desperation to win. I’m desperate for the victory. I will scratch, claw, and tear my way to victory. I will scratch your eyes out. I will tear at your face. I will pull and yank at your hair. I will do whatever it takes to survive you and help Liam Ryan to victory. Liam Ryan is the star of this match. He’s the Star of the Show! I refuse to be the letdown for him, especially when the stakes are as high as they are right now.”

Evelyn holds her arms up and she spreads her hands above her head as the lights become brighter. She smirks and points her right hand at the camera.

EVELYN WELCH: “Come Climax Control, Team Eggplant gets taken out of the tournament in the quarterfinals and Ground and Pound advance to the semis. I have been enlighten how you two conjured up your little tag name, but don’t worry—I have absolutely no interest in Lachlan Kane or anything he has to offer. Do you really think we need another reign of the Eggplant? It’s as bad as when the Gamers had the titles. Nobody is going take the division seriously if the titles continue to bounce back and forth between teams that aren’t fitted enough to be champions. I’m sorry Sierra and as the name team Eggplant isn’t bad enough, the team really doesn’t serve you any justice. I mean, that is if you’re truly a woman. If you’re a transgender or a drag queen, then I guess the tag team includes you too. Why would you want to be on a team with somebody who takes all the glory for himself? Face it, Sierra. As long as the name is Eggplant, you’ll always be on the backburner.”

She slouches over with her hand across her mouth as she blows a kiss.

EVELYN WELCH: “Good luck, Sierra. I do hope you continue to watch and idolize Liam Ryan because he’s the FUTURE OF SCW! And the future has never looked so bright. Just as he did in his debut, he will be taking out the trash this week, too!"

She signals for the cameras to be cut. The scene fades to black.