6
« on: May 23, 2014, 03:32:01 AM »
I do so, in Remembrance of you!
::. WARNING: THIS ROLEPLAY CONTAINS MATURE SUBJECT MATTER, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED .::
***
I would laugh except it wasn't funny. Nothing about this situation was but I wanted to laugh because I could see the glue letting go on the seems of Cyrus' hold on Roxi. I knew I was almost there. She only needed one more big push, perhaps off that proverbial cliff so she had no choice but to open her wings and fly.
I remember when I got pushed. That moment when something in me cracked and I refused to let him have any control over me. The moment I spread my wings the first time and then how every time after I only got better and stronger... Until finally... Finally I could keep flying. Fly away from the torment.
June 2007
The sound of the door softly closing always was like an indication that i could breath again. It meant that he had left and I was free until he came again. It was never regular. Sometimes I would go a week before he would visit but other times it would be nightly. Whenever he was overstressed from work I was never alone.
I sat up in my bed. My room was still the bare white walls that had been there when Chrissy an I had moved in six years ago. My desk was in the corner, books piled beside an ancient looking computer that wasn't really much better than a typewriter with how slow it went, but he hadn't been willing to buy us a brand new one. Even though he had the money, He was always cheap when it came to us girls. I had always thought Chrissy and I were lucky that we had a step-father to take care of us after my mom died so tragically but it had been 2 years of the same torture. The same threats. I couldn't do this anymore. I needed to find a way to get out.
The next morning I was thankful that he'd left before us girls. My sister, Chrissy was only 10 months younger than me but in many ways she seemed years younger. Born in the same calendar year, we were in the same grade and often we were mistaken as fraternal twins. She sat eating her oatmeal, reading some gossip magazine while shovelling the homemade slop into her mouth. We hated the housekeepers cooking but had learned to live with it over the years. She looked up at me as I sat at the counter and gave me a look.
"What are you staring at?" she asked, annoyed that I was doing the 'big sister' thing again
"Nothing Christabel. We gotta get going."
She stands, putting her dirty, empty bowl into the sink. Then she notices that I've barely eaten from mine and shakes her head.
"Are you anorexic Lex?"
"What? No of course not!" I'm appalled that she would ask me that.
"Well all the signs are there you know... you barely eat most of the time but when you do it's like you shovel it in but yet you remain so skinny I'm jealous."
Chrissy wasn't what you would call supermodel thin. She had been blessed with what I assumed was genetics from our father's side. We never knew our father, a man who had run off with another woman after learning of my mom's surprise pregnancy with Chrissy. My mother never even met his parents, their romance had been whirlwind but had never led to marriage so she always said our father was a free spirit and couldn't be tied down. By that I always thought that she was trying to make it sound nice that both us girls were accidents. It didn't change how she loved us though.
"I don't have an eating disorder. I'm fine. Let's go before we miss the bus."
I give her a playful shove and she rolls her eyes at me. We manage to just catch the school bus. As I get on I catch the eye of someone. I turn to Chris to ask if she minded if I sat with him but she almost pushed me into the empty seat beside him. Ashley Justin Fischer was handsome. But only a select few knew that his first name was actually Ashley, he went by Justin mostly. My first boyfriend. He leans in to kiss my cheek and I give him a smile but I know he suspects something is off. I hadn't told anybody about my Step-father's late night visits. Nobody knew. I was too ashamed to tell anybody about it.
Justin's father was a famous Olympian Wrestler and ran a school out of their barn and basement. Justin had been training since he was 12.
"What's wrong?" he immediately asks.
"I just didn't sleep well. Hey listen, do you think you could show me a few of those wrestling moves of yours afterschool?"
He smirks raising an eyebrow at me, "Oh you mean that crazy wrestling stuff?"
"Yes."
He stares at me with a curious look for a few seconds, "Why do you suddenly want to learn about being a wrestler? I thought you 'hated gratuitous violence'?"
"I Still do...but a girl's gotta learn how to defend herself you know."
He chuckles, taking my hand and squeezing it. "I can show you some stuff. Come to dinner tonight and then me and Jerry can show you some stuff."
Jerry, or Jeremy Fischer was the oldest Fischer sibling. Nearly 14 years older than Justin, and 18 years older than the youngest, Kahlan. A girl that hated me the moment I walked in the door.
October 2000
I heard his footsteps before the door opened, but I was waiting for him. I wasn't going to let it happen this time. He opened the door, walking in with bare feet, his robe rubbing against the door, a noise that in the quiet seemed so loud, at least to me, being as terrified as I always had been, it had always been the signal of what was about to happen, this time it was a noise I knew I'd never have to hear again.
He walks over to the bed and stops when he sees me sitting on it, fully clothed in the dark. I reach over and flick on the light beside the bed and an orange glow fills part of the room. It shows him, his dark hair still neatly parted but he wasn't wearing the large glasses that he wore during the day when he pretended to be a caring surrogate father. His brown eyes went large seeing me in the tight black spandex pants and sports bra. My wrestling gear. something I had only just purchased a couple days ago in anticipation. His robe, which he had slightly open left nothing to the imagination, not that I needed to imagine. He quickly tightened the belt but then that nasty scowl crossed his face and then a smirk.
"What's this Lexi? You know what will happen if you fight me..."
"I'll win." I reply as I stand. He's quick to round the bed and grab me by my hair, wrenching my face back so he can look directly into my eyes, something he did often if I had fought him.
"How do you think a weak little doll like yourself is going to win against me eh?" he pulls a little harder and the pain shoots through my scalp. Good. I wanted him to think he had all the advantage and then, I spit in his face. He lets go of me to wipe the spittle from his eyes and I knee him in the balls. He drops down to his knees, with no air in his lungs he lets out a little whine of pain. Then it was if I went into auto pilot. I think I even blacked out because when it was over, I was panting with the effort. I was looking at myself in a bathroom mirror and when I looked down my hands were covered in blood. Some of it was my own, from cuts on my knuckles but the rest wasn't mine. Washing it off I go back to my room and I stop short. there on the floor was my step-father and he was breathing shallowly...but there was a dark stain under his head. his face was littered with cuts but the worse was that he had fallen against my desk chair it seemed and there was a large gash across his forehead, which had been the cause of the major bleed. Thinking fast I change out of the gear and stow it away into my closet, pulling on a nightdress I then cross the distance and crouch down. He's barely conscious but he looks up at me with watery brown eyes.
"Listen to me and listen closely. I am going to call 911 and tell them that you were assaulted by a burglar. You ran into my room to protect me and that's when he beat you. If you so much as mention that it was me...well I have a little something to use. You see for the last few nights I've been setting up a video camera. I have everything on tape. Imagine what your investors and country club friends will think when they learn that you have been raping your step-daughter for the better part of 2 years?"
He gives me a head nod before whispering, "I can't feel my legs..."
I look over him. His rope has lifted and i can see his back is twisted at an odd angle. It was probably broken. 'crouching back down I look at him. "It will heal. God knows you have enough doctor friends and money that you can pay for the best surgeons if need be. The other thing I want from you is an account for both Chrissy and I. A couple thousand each. We are leaving in the next couple weeks. I am not going to wait until you are all healed up and you make good on your promise to do to my sister what you have been doing to me. I am done being your victim."
I stand, straighten out my dress and then immediately start to scream as I pick up a paperweight from the desk and throw it through the window, creating a loud crash. Loud enough to wake the entire house. I then push the window up part way so it looks like someone has just escaped. I catch his eye one last time before my sister dressed in her pyjamas runs into the room, her hair tussled by deep sleep. Not far behind her is one of the maids, in a robe, her hair done up in curlers.
I keep the terrified look on my face while I explain what happened.
***
I remember later that I reminded him of our arrangement in the hospital. Days later Chrissy and I were staying with the Fischers until I turned 18 and took official custody of Chrissy and we found a small apartment. I started training more and eventually got my job with the boxing club. I took care of Chrissy for a few years before she met her husband.
I never did tell Justin. I never told Ryan. The first person I ever told besides Chrissy, later in our lives, was Drake. I remember his eyes the moment I told him. He wanted to kill him and the old me probably would have let him fly out to Toronto and take the make out finally...but my words about how he was permanently crippled had stopped him for only a minute....
June 2012
I had just woken up after being in a match against a woman named Laura Travares and Drake, still struggling with his voices had attacked me by accident. I had to tell him, I'd been going back and forth with the decision for so long.
“No.” I clear my throat. “I think I should tell you about…about my step-father…”
He stands up and turns away from me. “You don’t have to tell me Lexi. I don’t know what happened but I read Twitter. I know it was something bad…”
“No, Drake. I trust you. I have never trusted anybody but my sister with this. I was reluctant to tell you only because I thought it would just push you further over the edge. You don’t want to tell me anymore about AWA…fine. It doesn’t matter but just know that whatever it is that you know who knows, I’m going to find out anyway. He is going to tell the world in 3 weeks whether you like it or not.”
He’s silent.
“Despite what Justin thought, I wasn’t going to break up with you. I was upset and I shouldn’t have ended our conversation like that before going out to my match. I felt like you couldn’t trust me. Maybe in time you will but it’s not important. I don’t care what you did in your past.”
He still hasn’t turned around.
“When I was 10, my mom married this asshole named Daniel Coulson. Came from a big family with money. Married my mother because she was young and pretty and he could manipulate her into doing anything he wanted, but she had a stubborn streak and she always wanted to do things that tested the limit of human abilities. Sky Diving, bungee jumping, learning to fly…. We never thought it would be the learning to fly that would get her killed. The crash… it wasn’t her fault. The plane was improperly maintenanced and the engine died or something. I don’t remember the exact details. Anyway, since my Father was MIA and we had no other relatives, we were left in the Guardianship of Daniel. At first, he was just indifferent. You know, treating us like some awful relatives that were an inconvenience. He never bought us anything new, it was always hand me downs and donations. Said that we weren’t his kids therefore we didn’t deserve anything from him. But kept up appearances to his friends about how he was taking care of these poor orphans. Most of the time he wasn’t even home, we were raised by this very nice maid named Azalea. She was from Spain. But her cooking was awful...”
“You can stop Lexi….” He says it but his voice is low and I can tell he’s preparing himself for what I’m about to say next.
“It really started when I was about 13. I was kind of clumsy you know, seeing as how I was tall with these awkward long limps and I came into the house one day and accidently knocked over some vase that was worth a lot of money. He happened to be home and he yelled at me for what seemed like hours and then, he slapped me. I was scared of him and I guess he liked the feeling so for the next 2 years he continued to find reasons to hit me or punish me. He’d do it to Chrissy too but not as much as me. I guess because I looked more like my mother and he was always upset that she’d left him like she had.”
I take a deep breath because the next part was the worse part. The part that I knew might just push him.
“When I was 15 I met Justin. It’s no secret that we started dating. I could tell he loved me and I helped him. We helped each other. He invited me over to his house a lot and I got away from the abuse for a long time. I even considered telling Justin about what he was doing but I was still afraid of Daniel and I was afraid of what he might do to Chrissy. She wasn’t as strong as I was. One night I came in late, Justin and I had gone to a movie and Jeremy, his brother, had driven me home. He’d stayed up waiting. Started off accusing me of being a whore and that I was just like my mother. He’d slapped me around and then before I know it, he’s got me pinned and that was it. Things like that continued on for another year or so. He’d come into my room at night and tell me that if I made any noise he’d kill Chrissy. But He never did anything like that to Chrissy, only me. And for a while, I didn’t even tell her. I started to go to the youth counselling group more and more and I took the classes to become a counsellor. I learned that I didn’t have to be a victim anymore. Finally when I was 17 I started self defence. I started Judo. I started training with Mr. Fischer. I was going to get even with him.”
I can see that his fists are clenched now, but he still hasn’t turned to face me.
“I had two ways that I could get him. I could use my new skills to beat the shit out of him or I could find a way to blackmail him and his precious reputation. I didn’t know I’d end up doing both. I set up a camera in my room. Left a side light on so that the picture would be clear enough and I filmed the bastard. I filmed him doing that to me and then after I beat him to a bloody pulp….I told him what I did. I destroyed him. I beat him so bad that it left a stain on my bedroom carpet. I made it so that he could never have children of his own. I made it so that he had to go the hospital for surgery for internal bleeding. When I saw him in the hospital, I reminded him to lie. I told him to tell the cops that he was attacked by a burglar and that if he ever touched me or Chrissy again I would release that tape and he would lose everything.”
I took a few deep breaths to release the anger inside of me. I’d never felt the kind of anger I felt that night since and I didn’t want to. It was scary. It was like I blacked out. Yes, I had a monster inside me too.
“Drake…say something….” I finally let out. His fists are still clenched, but he turns.
“Why didn’t you tell Rage?”
“There wasn’t any point. By the time I met him, Daniel was long gone from my life and I’d forgotten it. I wasn’t holding on to those memories anymore because I had found something else.”
“What about Justin?”
“Are you kidding? Justin would have ended up in Jail for what he would have done to him. It would have been way worse than what I did.”
“You didn’t have to tell me this….”
“I know. I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to feel obligated to tell me about your past. I did it because in all my life, you are the first man I’ve been with that I’ve felt more than just sexual attraction. I was young and stupid when I married Ryan. I mistook that fire we had as love. Like I said, I’ll always have that piece of me that will love him but it’s not the same kind I feel for you. See the other thing that Daniel took from me was the ability to have children. I’m so damaged that when we tried to get pregnant…Ryan and Me, the doctors told us it would be a miracle. And it was….a whole bottle of tequila and a round of strip poker.” I laughed at the memory. It had actually been fun and I was glad for that. “I guess Ryan never understood why I couldn’t give him children and it was part of the reason why our marriage fell apart, because I never told him about what happened to me, he couldn’t know.”
“I’m sorry.” He was still just standing there, looking lost and a mix between angry and tortured.
“Why? You didn’t do those things to me. That asshole that has to spend his life in a wheelchair now, did.”
He looked up at me with surprise. “You put him in a wheelchair….”
“I’m not proud of it. He had spine damage. He can walk a little but mostly, he just uses one of those motorized scooters.”
“Lexi….”
“That’s why I said to Hacker that if he knew what I had done to Daniel, he’d think I should be in Jail.”
“He was a child molester. He deserved it.”
“Despite what he did to me and Chrissy, no one deserves the kind of beating I did to him. I could have just used the tape and been done with it but I snapped. I’d had enough. I did the first thing they teach you not to do in martial arts. I used my training in anger.”
My headache was starting to fade now but I still felt a little light headed. I think staying in this bed today was probably a good plan. I patted the bed beside me and he came over slowly and sat beside me. I put my head on his shoulder.
“It’s okay you know. I know you didn’t kick me on purpose….sometimes when we’re so caught up in a moment we can’t see everything around us. I’ll recover pretty quickly.”
He put an arm around my back and pulled me in tight to his side. “I promise that I won’t do anything like that again. I’d never hurt you Lexi.”
“I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I’m still here. When your ready baby, you can tell me whatever you want. And no matter what information is released at caged aggression, I will still be here. I’m no angel either.”
“You’re my Angel.” He whispered into my ear.
I didn’t know if I believed that.
***
Later I had told Aidan about what had happened, and much like Drake it had taken everything in him not to kill the man. I shake the memory away as I look out from the balcony of my cape town hotel. That was before he became like he was now. Before I'd gotten back together with Ryan. Before I'd been called to Daniel's bedside as he lay dying.
October 2012
The Nurse pointed to the room and I thanked her. With a false strength in my step I started toward the room, Caine and Chrissy followed closely behind. My hand went to the door handle and I took a deep breath and paused, closing my eyes momentarily. Caine put a hand on my shoulder and I knew he was going to ask if I was okay... so before he could ask I pushed the door open with what I hoped was the determination I needed to tell Daniel that he had no more control over my life.
The room felt too sterile. the man I had come to intimately know, not that I had wanted to, looked small and frail on the small bed. The only one in a big room. I was sure the private room was not being covered by OHIP. There was a nurse jotting something down on a clipboard and shaking her head. She had a disgusted look on her face when she noticed the visitors, it changed to a tight smile instead.
"You must be the daughters...."
"STEP-daughters." Chrissy replied with venom in her voice
The nurse gives a slight grimace, "Right... well..."
The nurse shook her head again and left the room and I looked at her a little confused as to why she looked so upset when the man’s head suddenly turned and looked at the group with watery brown eyes. I faltered a little. I really had been hoping he’d be out of it. His mouth was blocked by the large breathing tube and I was instantly reminded of only days ago when I’d seen something similar in Caine’s mouth. He lifted his arm weakly, pointing to a table where a wooden board was sitting, with bright coloured fridge magnet letters and several pieces of chalk. With a sigh, I crossed the distance and picked it up. The man took it from my hands and then pointed to an empty chair beside the bed.
"I prefer to stand thank you." I crossed my arms across my breasts, already larger with my pregnancy. Caine wasted no time in walking to my side, narrowing his eyes and sneering slightly at the man in the bed. Daniel’s eyes went a little wider in shock or surprise, she wasn’t sure. Daniel started to use the letters to spell out what he wanted to say.
HI ELEXTRA
I nodded at him, trying to have patience even if he didn’t deserve it.
GLD U CAM
I shook my head, "You know very well why I came Daniel and it wasn’t to exchange small talk."
He moves the letters slowly until finally flipping it to show me,
NO U CAM TO KILL ME
I caught Chrissy clenching her fists but still remained on the farther side of the room.
CANT BLAM U I WOUD KILL ME 2
I rolled her eyes. I remembered that after he’d had his way with me, sometimes he’d cry. Sometimes he’d beg me to forgive him, that it hadn’t been his fault...it was because he missed my mother, that it wasn’t his fault, it was her fault for leaving, for being so reckless. Then he would leave me and act like none of it had ever happened. For the first little while, I’d believed him... thinking that one day he wouldn’t need to treat me like this... I’d been wrong....
"This isn’t about revenge Daniel. I already had my revenge on you, this is about making sure that you can’t steal something from someone else. There are a lot of sick people that could easily make better use of the equipment and the room. I was told that you had no chance of getting better."
The breathing machine wheezes as he takes a breath of labour as he once again re-arranged the letters;
NO NO CHANCE CANT BREATH ANYMOR
He moved the letters again after that.
ALONE NO BELLE NO MAN
Instantly Aidan seemed to tense up as Chrissy put a hand to her mouth and tears started in the corner of her eyes.
"You have no right to call me that! Only my mother could call me that...."
The tears started to stream down her cheeks. I rarely saw Chrissy get upset to this degree, the use of our mother’s nickname for her by a man as horrible as Daniel seemed to really bother her.
SORRY
Chrissy, enraged started to dive toward the bed. Caine was quick to react, grabbing the woman in his arms before she could get close. Chrissy stopped and started to sob into Aidan’s shirt. She fought his grip although weakly as she screamed at the man in the bed, "Sorry? Sorry!?! That’s all you can fucking say...."
I started to move toward the two but I felt a hand on her knee. Daniel shook his head, insistent that we talk alone.
"Adian, take her out to Terry. I’ll be fine." He gave me a look of doubt but also offered me a tight smile before putting an arm around Chrissy and leaving the room. I turned back to Daniel. He was already beginning to use the board again.
I DESRVED TO DIE B4
"I don’t agree with you. In fact I don’t think you deserved to get beat up as badly as I did to you."
WRONG I WAS 2
"Well that’s obvious."
I WAS CRUEL EVEN B4
I knew what he meant. he was talking about how he would always put me down for being so tall, awkward and clumsy. The physical abuse had started with the vase. An expensive priceless vase that a maid had moved to clean and not yet had the chance to put back. Not watching where I was going, I had managed to bump into it, causing it to smash onto the hardwood floor into a million unrecognizable pieces. I’d been devastated. Up until that time, Daniel had hardly talked to either me or Chrissy. Gave us the bare minimum of what we needed in regards to clothing, bedding and toys. He also had always been distant and it was rare to actually see him in person. usually the we were taken care of by the main housekeeper Mrs. Azalea Rothberg, who also wasn’t a motherly figure in any one’s eyes, her cooking sucked and although nice in her own way, she didn't fill that role we both had needed so desperately.
He’d come out of his office, looked at the mess and realized which vase it was. He’d screamed profanities at me. Telling me that I was useless just like my mother. I’d gotten a slap across the face too. I tried many times to say, among the tears, that I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to. There had also been on moment, after he’d slapped me that he’d looked at my face and there seemed to be recognition there... like he was seeing me for the first time even though I’d been in his house for nearly 6 years. It had been that night when he’d first started coming into my room at night, telling me that if I made any noise or told anyone, he would hurt Chrissy too. It was only touching. It wasn't until that night I'd returned home with Justin late that he'd finally gone through with it completely.
I looked back at the dying man after pushing the memory back into the recesses of my mind, "Yes, you were"
ANGRY AT ROSE
There it was again, his supposed reason for abusing me. That it was because I looked almost identical to my mother...but part of me often wondered if it wouldn’t have happened anyway, even if my mother had been alive. Of course it wouldn’t have continued as long as it had because Rose had always had a knack for knowing when something was up with her children.
"Still using that old excuse. Fine. You can justify what you did to me anyway you want. Here’s what you need to know. I survived. You beat me and abused me so bad that I have trouble having children now. I’ve been blessed through you know. I have a son, he’s 3 and that man you saw in here, he’s my boyfriend and on top of all that I’m pregnant."
GOOD U DESRVE TO BE HAPPY
"For the most part I am happy. I think I’m finally getting to a point where I can come to terms with what you did to me. I will move on enough that your actions don’t haunt me every single day and night. I’m also thankful that even though you raped me relentlessly, I don’t have issues with men...because I know they aren’t like you."
PIC OF SON?
I clenched my fists. Part of me wanted to show him a pic of Matty. To prove that although he had made my life dark and miserable for so long, Matthew had been my ray of sunshine through the rain. I shook my head, "No. You don’t deserve to see a picture of him."
STRONG CUZ OF ME
I laughed. "You think that the reason I’m strong is because of what you did to me? And your proud of that? I was starting to think that maybe you’d changed...seen the error of what you did but it’s obvious that you haven’t changed. You want to take credit for things that you have no business taking credit for. Tell me one thing Daniel, was I the only one... was I the only girl you did that too? I know you were married before but not for long...did you hurt your ex wife like that too?"
Daniel averted my gaze, which in my eyes was an admission of guilt. So it was that he was using my mother as an excuse. it wouldn’t have mattered if she had died or not, he probably still would have tried to hurt me and that made me angry. I felt it bubbling up in my stomach like it had 12 years ago. For some reason the only way the anger would be satiated would be if I saw his blood saturating the pillow behind his head. I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms so hard that it didn’t take long until I felt the greasy wetness under the pads of my fingers.
"I’m starting to think the only reason you married my mother was because she had two young daughters. You were planning it all along, how you would marry her... take advantage and then when you thought she wasn’t looking you’d move in on her daughters. You're a sick man Daniel"
TIRED
I was shaking my head with an ironic smile on my face, "I know you have limited use of words here but let me let tell you something else, I didn’t come here to hear you say that you were sorry. I didn’t come just to sign the papers either. I came here because I wanted to have one last chance to look you in your eyes and tell you what a goddamn bastard you were. I also wanted to tell you that you didn’t beat me in the true sense of the word. You may have taken my body as your own personal toy but you didn’t have my soul or my heart. I’m not going to continue to let you have control of me anymore."
I took a deep breath and then leaned into the man so that she was close to his ear.
"Adian is 4 million times the man you are, in and out of bed. I hope you rot in hell."
I stood up, Daniel watching my eyes the entire time. "You should feel blessed to have the option to go peacefully because if it were up to me I think maybe I would do what Chrissy wanted to do and that was just unplug you from everything and watch you gasp for air, or maybe I’d even put my own hands around your neck."
I stopped, suddenly realizing that I was going someplace I had promised myself I wouldn't go. It wouldn’t help me feel better... it wouldn’t help with closure. What I had come to do I had. I’d told him that he wasn’t going to be a major part of my life anymore and when I returned to Vegas, I was going to see Dr. Auttenberg, the therapist. But I wasn't’ going to tell Daniel I was seeing a doctor.
"Goodbye Daniel."
I turned with a sigh and walked right out of the room without looking at him again. Caine stopped mid pace and gave me an uncertain smile, wondering what my vacant unreadable expression meant. He walked over slowly, cautiously, pulling me into his arms. I let him but didn’t return the hug. Not that I didn’t want to return the affection but I knew that if I did, I’d end up bursting into tears and Daniel didn't deserve any more of my tears. Ever. I tilted my head upwards, kissing his cheek before moving out his arms and walking to the nurses station. Without a falter or hesitation I spoke:
"I’m ready for those papers now."
The nurse from earlier looked up at me and something new was in her eyes, it almost seemed like relief. She handed Lexi a clipboard.
"If you just read this paragraph here it explains the procedure we go through and what Mr. Coulson will experience when we slowly take him off the respirator and the other machines. We will sedate him..."
Hardly listening to her I flipped the page and scrawled my signature to it and handed it back to the nurse, cutting her off. The nurse furrowed her brow at my words. "I really don’t want to know. He’s sick, he won’t get better. At this point, as cruel as it sounds, I don’t care if he’s in pain or not. We aren’t close, I just happen to be his only relative. I can see by the look in your eyes Nurse..." I looked down at the name tag on her pocket. "Deanne... that he’s probably tried to do things to you even in his weakened state, hence the look I received when we walked in there."
The nurse didn’t comment. Her professionalism was obvious but I already knew.
She clears her throat before asking, " Funeral arrangements...."
"His lawyer will take care of it."
"Right, Mr. Rogers."
She gave another disgusted look and she leaned closer to me, looking beside her to make sure the other nurse wasn’t listening "He’s not really any better. He’s made some comments to me and the other women that work on this floor. I’ll be glad to not have to pretend to be nice to him anymore."
Caine overheard the nurses words and strides toward the desk to stand beside me, not saying anything but listening. "You and me both. thank you anyway nurse... for everything you’ve done."
She nodded and I turned and started to walk toward the exit, not missing a beat or stopping. I heard Caine tell Chrissy and Terry to take their time since they’d come in their own vehicle and ran after me as I kept walking until I came to an empty chair, far enough away from the rest of me family that no one would hear my sobs.
***
Part of me shuddered at my memories of Adian in all of that. A man that had been so bad in the end that they had started to censor his name from all future productions like a swear word. But at that time, I did truly love him, I did truly believe that my baby was his. Thank god she wasn't. The fact that something insignificant as asking Justin to protect me while he was in the hospital had forced him into Kahlan's bed just always confused me and even when I gave him the chance to explore his feelings he still betrayed me.
I had told Ryan everything after we'd gotten back together. I hated keeping everything inside and that was the final step to my getting over it but Daniel's life being taken off the life support had been my real closure. That and the 3.5 million dollars he left me and my sister. It seems like a lot of money but after lawyer fees, creating trust accounts for Matthew, Alyson and Sofia. Buying some Baby things... well there wasn't much left for anything else. I'd made sure that each of our kids, mine and my niece, would be very well off when they turned 18...not that I wanted them to be trust fund babies but I knew that if anything happened to me, to Ryan or to Chrissy and Terry... those kids would never have to worry about a thing.
Even though he was dead, dead almost 2 years, I still felt the pain of what he did to me. How it affected the type of person I was. Even though I was well loved and respected for my wanting to help everyone selflessly, I had to wonder if my mother had survived...what kind of person I would be. Would I still be that girl that rushed out into a busy street to save a stranger? The girl that joined a company and immediately saw someone in trouble and risked herself to save her?
Despite what Cyrus said, I wasn't doing this for a title shot. Of course I said from the getgo that I wanted to win the bombshell title but I never expected or demanded to get that shot only a month in.
Cyrus is so caught up in his own lies that he tries to deflect by making everything think that I'm just some title hungry woman. that I'm only doing it because I think I can beat Roxi and take the title. News Flash... I was going to do this match regardless of a title on the line. I'd even agree to it being a non stipulation match if they asked. The title is a non issue here. My concern is and always was with helping Roxi to see the light.
Here's the thing I've learned about liars. Liars cannot stick to one story. It always changes even slightly. I've been around enough of them in my life to have been able to pick up on this. My story has never changed, never faulted. My convictions have always been true. My story is only half way written. That was the part of my life that made me who I am now. Made me want to save other women from the same thing I went through. It's taken me years upon years to come to grips with those feelings of hatred. For awhile, I was even taking out those feelings in a wrestling ring and it cost me.
I look out at another sunset and once again I am missing my family. Who would have known that I'd end up back with Ryan. I guess it's true what they say, true soul mates will always find a way.
***
Cyrus... isn't it sad that in this I have to address you. That Roxi can't even speak for herself without fear of you striking her for saying something wrong. You seem to think you've helped her? Helped her do what exactly? She isn't better with you hitting her, putting her down for being independent. When I took Roxi home she came willingly. I didn't force her. I never touched her except to offer a supportive hug. If she had walked out of my house I would have opened the gates for her. I never stopped her from anything. The fact that I sent my kids away was for protection. The state of mind that Roxi is in... I wasn't willing to put my young kids at risk, I mean look at how easily she turned on both of us Cyrus.
You claim the same, that you aren't keep her against her will, that if she left you'd let her but yet when she was away from you for those few days you freaked out. You would stop at nothing to get her back even threatening me on Twitter. I did exactly what I said I would. I brought her with me to Climax Control.
Yes she turned on me. I survived just fine. Just like I will survive at Chaos. Win or lose, Roxi is not going to break me and further more neither will you Cyrus. I have dealt with a selfish little man before. In the end he ended up in a wheelchair at my actions. Don't take that the wrong way Cyrus, that isn't a threat on your life, it's a promise that you are not without guilt or blame and you will pay for what you are doing. You say I don't understand what you're doing? Oh I understand... unfortunately all too well.
I don't believe that any man or woman for that matter should have that kinda control over anybody. Roxi was fine on her own. The type of support she needed she could have gotten from any number of people that would not have tried to fill her head with lies.
You want to question my motives, go ahead. You won't find any holes, no matter how many times you try to poke the fabric of my morality with your laughable accusations of wanting glory. Honey, I don't need to pick on poor brainwashed women to get that. I don't even need to attack you to get that.
Did I know Roxi would win that title? No. How could I have known that, are you giving me credit for being some kind of psychic? if so ok... but no I don't possess any over worldly talents that let me predict the future. I haven't done anything to try and get ahead of other bombshells that are far closer to contention for a title than me. In fact I apologised to Brandi who obviously should not be refereeing this match but a part of it.
I am not and I repeat, no doing this because I wanted to take the title of Roxi and I'm don't doing it because I think she's weak. Look back in my history if you must and you will find that I have never been that kind of person except maybe when I first started out in a ring...but I am not that woman anymore an I haven't been for a number of years
I appreciate that you are grasping at any straws you can to try and make Roxi hate me...because that's what manipulators do. First they use guilt, then they twist it around so that the person they are manipulating will feel guilty for thinking any thoughts against them.
Any person that thinks that physical abuse of a someone is the best way to get them to bend to your will is sick. You use the really old tired adage of any abuser. "I'm sorry I had to do this but it was the only way you'd learn" Any apology followed up with a 'but' is not really an apology...it's just another tool to try and keep that person chained up.
Now Roxi, I know you're in there somewhere. The real Roxi, not this shell of a woman that parades around and claims to be a new and improved Roxi. The real Roxi wouldn't stand for this from anybody else....I don't know what happened girl. I only wish I'd been here sooner. Yes it's true before all of this we barely knew each other. Our only connection really was Kahlan and even than that's stretching it. Cyrus has you believing that I'm doing this for my own personal reasons and part of that is true. You wanna know my personal reasons? I was in the same place you are right now. I crawled into a safe place in my mind and stayed there. I thought for the longest time that it was better to just play dead and let it happen because I had no other choice. If I rebelled then people I loved would be hurt. that I would be hurt more...then one day I finally snapped. I'd had enough of being someone else's doll to string up and make dance....I'm waiting for that moment from you because I can only do so much for you, the rest has to come from within yourself. Don't give up Roxi. And I will tell you this and it comes from the bottom of my heart. I will even go on a polygraph if that's what you want, if I win that title from you in cape town, I'm not going anywhere. I am still going to stand here until I'm blue in the face telling you that I will not abandon you.
I will not leave you to be feasted on by the wolves. Must I remind you that inside that sadistic word who calls herself Sin is the woman who loves you, has always loved you and she depends on you but not because she's selfish like Cyrus would have you believe, no that's a matter of that she knows you are strong. You are strong enough to keep her from falling apart. When you are in a relationship with someone... you have to take care of each other. I know that if you came back to us Roxi, be the strong independent woman everyone knows and loves, Keira wouldn't be far behind. Cyrus can laugh all this off as fake and insincere all he wants but what evidence does he have Roxi. Of all the times you've seen my promos. All the years you've probably watched me fight other people, when have I ever not done something I said I would do? When have I ever backstabbed anybody. If anything I was the one being backstabbed. I was used by Justin, by Drake, by Rage, by Aidan and even more so by Kahlan...but all that... it hasn't made me bitter it's only made me stand stronger than ever....that's what you need to do. You need to take this whole thing and use it to only build yourself up from those ashes and rise again. I know that when this is finally over and Cyrus is in jail where he belongs... you won't be the same woman you were before. That would be impossible. But I know that this new you, you can go one of two ways.
You can choose to be stronger for it. Take this experience and use it to build up your walls of defence and be a better person. Of you can wallow in it. Use it as an excuse to be forever a victim. You aren't a victim Roxi, despite how you act now. You are not submissive. You deserve better than this, I agree with Cyrus there but what you don't deserve is to have your mind broken apart into tiny pieces by some little man that obviously could never make it a wrestling ring himself and has to live out his fantasies through you. Don't let him do this to you.
I don't know what else to say right now Roxi. I've talked this till I'm blue in the face. Our talks at my house... I thought I'd gotten through to you.. in fact I KNOW I got through to you and it's why you are starting to doubt Cyrus' motives. Starting to see the way things should be and seeing the flaws in the way he does things.
Yes this is personal against Cyrus but not for the reasons he thinks. He thinks this is about the Fucking bombshell title. His little mind can't comprehend that someone actually wants to help something without some kind of prize or reward. I don't want anything for myself Roxi.
I'm not going to lie and say that I don't want that title. I do. Very much. I never expected to be in a title run this soon in my career in SCW. I've said this from day one. And I will kick your ass all over that ring but it's not because I want to control you like Cyrus does. It's business...but maybe, just maybe it will knock some much needed sense into you. That seeing me holding up that title will finally make you see that Cyrus only motive is to help one person and that's himself. Once again I don't completely understand what he's after exactly. I don't understand those that abuse for pleasure because I am not that kind of person...
Make your own judgements, make your own assumptions and don't base them on anything either of us says to you, make them on your own research. Base them on what you see with your own eyes and not what he tells you to see. Stop reaching beyond see for some hidden agenda. He tries to cover up the fact that he has his own hidden agenda by deflecting to others. To take the heat off him. He knows Roxi.
He knows that you're breaking his walls. You are starting to see the sunlight in your prison. Only you can really get out of his control but I will be there. I will be there on the other side and I will walk, I will run and I will hide you if that's what you need because one thing I've learned is that you can't always just rely on yourself. You need to have others you can trust in your life and if you can't trust anyone else in your life you can trust me.
And that's the truth.
I was abused for 2 years Roxi. Both physically and Mentally. I know what it feels like to feel like there is no exit. No way out...but I found it. When I thought I would never be free I found a way and I did it myself. You are not alone anymore.
I don't know what else to say to you that won't risk me repeating myself. You have my number. You know my twitter handle in fact you know the hotel I'm staying at since it's the same one as you. I will be here waiting.
***
I turn away from the sunset as a knock on my door disturbs my thoughts. Coming through the screen door I walk to ward the main entrance of my suite only to be confronted with a rather annoyed looking Keira. She looks at me with a pure anger in her eyes... sorry I was mistaken. It's not Keira at all, it's Still Sin beneath those brown depths.
"You wanna tell me what the hell you are going to do? You told me to be patient. That everything was going to work out but yet here we are, two weeks later and still Roxi is with that Freakshow!"
I give her a smile and open the door wider, letting her enter my room. She stomps across the laminate floor and drops into one of the chairs. She immediately puts her feet up on the coffee table and crosses her hands across her chest. With a smirk I walk over and sit across from her.
"I never told you when she'd be free Keira. I only said that it would happen. Things take time. This isn't just a simple case of rescuing a kidnapped victim. Roxi has a pure case of Stockholm Syndrome and she's not going to leave Cyrus easily."
"But when we were at your place.... and don't call me Keira..."
I hold up my hands, "My apologises, Sin... Roxi seemed to have a breakthrough at my house yes but I never expected that would be all it took to bring her back to us. Please, as I said, you need to be patient. Threatening Roxi, Cyrus and his girlfriend is not going to help anything but make her even more distrustful of you."
She gives a grunt as I look up at the camera. I stand and walk over, putting a hand over the lens as the scene fades out.
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