Tulsi Gabbard the Hawaiian governor surrounded by her staff and guards and some hula girls stands there as Alice Knight awkwardly walks up to her, as the governor welcomes her to Hawaii like any other person, with a flowery Lei around her neck. Alice seems impressed with this greeting from one of the highest people in Hawaii. She shakes her hand as they walk on to a stage where they see hundreds of Hawaiians with SCW shirts, signs, owl stuff animals and two giant men in OWL costumes look up at them. Alice looks shocked as she was not expecting this. But passed out on the plane ride from the states due to her taking three sleeping pills wasn't paying attention to much of what was said or what she will be doing in Hawaii other than wrestling Twisted Sister at SCW High Stakes.

Governor Tulsi: Ladies and gentlemen. As a huge wrestling fan myself, I really want to welcome Alice Knight, one of SCW prominent and more popular bombshells of the company. Alice, the floor is yours.  

Alice takes the mic and stands in the center of the stage while the crowd of SCW fans begin hooting. HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! HOOT!

Alice: HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! Indeed! What a fine bunch of hooters you all are. I just wanna hug and squeeze you all...soooooo.... I'm not sure what I am supposed to say here. All I DO know is I will be taking care of bizz-wax on this beautiful island at SCW High Stakes when i beat the hell out of that loser Twisted Sister! BOO! BOO, HER!!!

The fans, confused, begin a BOOT chant.

BOOT! BOOT! BOOT! BOOT!

Alice: Wait, are you yelling BOO or BOOT!??!

Young fan: I was chanting BLOOP!

Everyone laughs, including  governor Tulsi. Alice fakes a laugh and then jumps in with her own bad joke.

Alice: Bloop? More like, BAH-LOOP-DA-BOOBS!

Alice laughs as the crowd goes eerie silent. So silent that you hear a cricket chirping.

Alice: Ha? No? What? No good?

The crowd begins a BLOOP Chant now.

BLOOP! BLOOP! BLOOP! BLOOP!!



Alice: Okay enough! While I failed at my last joke, at High Stakes I will not fail when i step inside the ring with Christian Underwoods hired henchwoman, The Twisted Sister! You'll see. I'm bringing everything I got to this match. If the face painting weirdo wants to take it to the extreme?

Alice puts up a fist.

Alice: Yeah! Extreme it will get...

The crowd cheers chanting "ALICE" now.

Alice: Yeah! YEAH! I will even tear off her face and wear it if I have too. Rip off her arms and legs and stuff it down her mouth hole, which should be hard to find because her face is on my face as I do this. And then I will go around, remind you wearing her face over my face, yelling and screaming. "ME THE TWISTED SISTER! ME GOING TO LOSE TO ALICE KNIGHT! ME NOT AS GOOD AS ALICE! BLAGHHHHH!"

Alice uses her other hand putting it over her own face as if it was Twisted SIsters face and begins moving around the stage in a creepy posture as the crowd looks concerned and goes even quieter than before. Another cricket can be heard when Alice finally catches on. A baby crying can be heard within the crowd.

Alice: Too much? The point is... i'm trying to make here.... i will win.

(from the crowd): That's not how it will go down!

Alice: You said! Was it you bloop kid!?!?! I will wear your face too!!

Cuts to the bloop kid who begins crying as another young girl and two older kids with Twisted Sister like make up on walk up to the stage.

Girl: You... Alice Knight... are a fraud! These other fools going to see High Stakes this Sunday may drink the kool-aid! The idiots you buy your merchandise may drink the kool-aid! But i'm not one of those zombies. All these Zombies. Twisted Sister will kill the owl revolution before it even begins!

Alice: First of all, kid. I love Kool-Aid! Cherry. Orange. Grape. Heck, even Kiwi. And if you tasted my home made kool-aid, you'd be a happier little girl. Because I don't add extra sugar, I'm sweet enough as it is...

Alice makes a cute smile as the crowd goes "AWWWWW"

Alice: And a fraud you say? Why? Because I like to bring smiles to peoples faces? I work hard every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month and... every hour? Where was I?

Alice scratches her head.

Girl: You were rambling... as usual.

Alice: Look... i don't like your attitude, girly! I am Alice Knight! I'm a former Queen for a Day in Sin City Wrestling. And while my day didn't go exactly as planned. I am still here. Now the wrestler, bombshell if you will, that you look up to. Is nothing but a scavenger. She wants to make fun of owls and make fun of me so posers like you can follow the loon that she is? Whatever. She is a lost cause. There's no saving that henchwoman loonie. But kid, there's a chance for you and your two friends. I bet if you wipe off that shit off your face you could get even Bloop kid to like you. Ask you out on a date. Take you to a fair or something. And Bloop kid is clearly retarded.

Girl: You're the fool, Alice! DOWN WITH HOOT! DOWN WITH HOOT!

Nobody chants with them. But Alice jumps off the stage and attempts to shake some sense into the child.
The older kids push Alice down, which causes the two dressed up OWLs running and tackles them down. Alice stands up and climbs back on the stage as a huge riot breaks out into the crowd. The sounds of police sirens are heard and a Hawaiian SWAT team rushes in, wearing protective SWAT gear and hula Hawaiian leis. Using their sticks they begin beating up some men, women and even children. The Hawaii governor tries to calm everyone down but ends up falling off the stage herself.
Alice watches this as she slowly and quietly walks to the back of the stage as the scene fades out.

 The scene opens up during the live process of the GROVER Show.

Grover- Welcome back to the show ladies and gentlemen. What a bloody 'ell of a line we got on tonight's show, eh mate? Eh Garry, mate?

Cuts to the Grover's band leader, Garry, who smiles back in return while holding his bass guitar.


Garry- Sure, mate. Should be a terrific show, as always.

Grover laughs showing off his disgusting teeth.

Grover- Garry and the Noise Makers ladies and gents. Did ya... did ya... enjoy my Donald Trump impression earlier in the monologue, Garry? I'd say it was right on, eh mate?

Garry(nodding)- Sure, mate.

Grover- Pull your tongue out of my arse hole Garry! Now tonight we have a terrific show. Sin City Wrestling Bombshell, Alice Knight is here. She will be promoting her upcoming SCW Pay Per View event, High Stakes VII right here in Melbourne. Also we have the comedy styles of Australia's new favorite stand up comedian Puke Face Jones. And THE REAL Hall and Oates. Isn't that something? But first... Aussies favorite game on the Grover Late Show... FUNNY PROPS!!!


The audience erupts with cheers as Garry and the Noise Makers play a funky tune while Grover stands on his desk dancing like an Egyptian.
We cut to the back stage in her dressing room. We see Grovers first guest, Alice Knight sitting there going over notes for tonight show.

Alice- "Then the refugee from Darfur looks at everyone and says "I'LL EAT IT! And sure as I'm standing here today... he did... he ate the dog terd covered with rice as we laughed." Hmmm... not a great story to start. I should like go right into my match. Like what will I do if I were Queen of SCW. What would I do... I have this whole thing written out. It's the perfect way to start. I should also make a lists of dresses and gowns i will want when I am the SCW Queen. I can even get them a discount at the thrifty store. And...

As Alice talks to herself in the dressing room an envelope slips under the door. Alice looks around scared.

Alice- Oh no! Have the ants started to try attempting to communicate with me? They must have carried and crawled this envelope all the way through the building... and...

Alice picks up the envelope to see no ants underneath it. She sighs in relief... then quickly pouts.

Alice- It be pretty damn cool to be invited to an ant party... ah well...

Alice opens the envelope which reads in a tiny text font - IF YOU WANT TO BE THE QUEEN OF SCW - MEET ME IN THE PARKING LOT  OF THE MARGANT COURT ARENA BEOFRE HIGH STAKES!-  Alice folds the paper and walks out in the hall way where she sees Puke Face Jones going over his routine. She walks up to him.

Puke Face Jones(breathing heavily)  "... why did the farmer start a punk band.... because he was tired of Haulin' Oates.

Alice- Hey, Puke Face. Did you see who put this letter under my dressing room door? Also isn't it strange that, like, two weeks ago we did the same show together with a Halland Oates cover band? Strange, huh? It's as if it was put together by a bad writer...


Puke Face begins dry heaving as he shakes his head no. Alice nods and awkwardly steps back over to the curtain of the show.
Back on the show, Grover is using a VHS tape as a mustache. The audience is loving it.

Grover- And that's FUNNY PROPS! Okay, mates. My first guest is currently touring Australia with the SCW wrestling company. She has a big SUPERCARD debut coming up in the High STakes Queen for a Day ladder match. Ladies and gentlemen... SCW Bombshell Alice Knight!

Alice struts out in a black and bronze metallic striped dress as the host Grover kisses her on the cheek and they sit down.

Grover- Looking very lovely Alice. That dress looks expensive. From last i heard you were on the broke side? SCW must be paying you well.

Alice- Well I won a huge match last week, but with this Queen for a Day matchup coming up. Being that I could be queen of SCW, i thought i should dress the part. And yes, website price this is almost a 400 dollar dress. But my connection at the thrift store said since a dead prostitute was found wearing it, quick clean up job and BOO YEAH 50 bucks!!

Grover- Gross... but hey, if it works for you. Do it up, babe. So my first question, the most popular one from the audience. It is are you any relation to actor Wayne Knight, Newman from Seinfeld?

Alice- No.

Grover- How about Wayne Newton the singer?

Alice- That doesn't... make... sense...

Grover- Just answer the question, Alice...

Alice- Um... no. I'd really like to talk about this match I'm about to have next Sunday. High Stakes is a big deal and I'm a little nervous about doing this ladder match with these other four terrific ladies in SCW. I mean...

Grover- SAY ALICE!!! (He screams cutting her off) How about a scary story for our audience? Being that Halloween is coming up...

Alice- Um... i love Halloween. I do. But not much of a scary story kind of girl.  I mean i have this story about this time i had blisters on my toes and I was piling my baloney slices near my footbath and well you can guess what happened next...

Grover- Come on, Alice one scary story for us. After that you can talk as much about your match as you please... come on....

Alice- Okay one....

Grover(does a jig dance) Okay dim the lights. Here put this on and use this...

He throws over her head a blanket and hands her a flash light. The studios lights go dim.



Alice- Okay. Everyone should listen to this one, because this one in particular is based on a true story. Because I know most of SCW doesn't think I should be in a SCW ring. But this story, this... true... story is a reason why I deserve a chance to show my skills. Because what I've been through on the streets and on the road. This story happened to my friend Ferguson's brother. Corky was a smart lad. He had all kind of tips for us. How to strain bean juice from the can, other ways a old deodorant can will be useful, and of course a great way to get rid of track marks using a lit cigarette and masking tape.  But Corky, Ferguson's brother went to some weird foreign country, Quebec city, before returning home. But what we didn't know at the time was he had a flesh eating virus. He didn't survive it. It started on his neck... then spread to his face. Pretty gruesome, indeed. He toughed it out until it got into his eyebrows. then he blew what remained of his head with a flare gun. That actually didn't work either. Just burned him up. Over the next few days the flesh eating virus finished the job. We buried him in the dump but we ran out of dirt so we just threw old dirty diapers on top of his corpse... um... the end?

There's a awkward silence throughout the studio. Grover looks at Alice confused as the lights turn on. Alice taking off her blanket from her head.

Grover- That... was more gross than 'scary' Alice...

Alice- Sometimes life gets a little gross, friend. Now about High Stakes...

Grover- WHO WANTS TO PLAY FUNNY PROPS AGAIN!!

The crowd erupts again as Grover gets a balloon and uses it as a mustache.

Alice- Hey! Hey! Grover! You said we could talk about my match.

Grover- After FUNNY PROPS!!

Alice using her finger nail, pops the balloon. The audience goes silence in shock.

Alice- Now here's the deal... you can play funny props with Puke Face or Mr. Oates. But right now, the only reason i agreed to do this show is because I needed this air time to talk about my opponents, High Stakes and my Queen for a Day match. You see, as a brawler, I don't really know many pro-wrestling-wrestling like moves. But in a ladder match, you can use any kind of weapon you please. Especially the ladder. And my opponents, Trishelle Jordan, Amy Jayne, Trinity Jones and Valora Thomas might have more skill than me. But let's face it, a ladder match doesn't take much skill. It takes guts. It takes risks. And I will do whatever it takes to walk out of there the queen of SCW. And i'd be such a great queen too. No doubt the others would make fine Queens of SCW but me, I will make my day one hell of a fun one. For everyone on the roster. Think about all the food I will order for myself and the roster? The crazy disco after party I will throw and show off my cowgirl dance. It's quite the sight to see. Here I made a list...

Grover(cutting her off)- ALICE KNIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! We'll be back with the comedy styles of Puke Face Jones... I mean a bad wrestler, a bad comic and a bad band all in one show! WE BAD! It's as if some pour writer put this all together... WE'LL BE BACK!!

Alice storms off the stage angrily, rushes to her dressing room, grabs her bag and anonymous letter and rushes towards the exit.

 We open up outside a Brisbane  bar called The Aussie Hole. Written on chalk on a board placed in the window is tonight's performing acts. In bold letters it says HALL AND OATES TRIBUTE BAND. SCW Bombshell Alice Knight's One Woman Show 'The Knight Owl Cometh' and the comedy of Puke-Face Jones. We cut inside where we see SCW Bombshell Alice Knight looking over her scripts as the announcer walk ups to her.

Bar Owner- Okay Alison...

Alice- Um... Alice. Alice Knight.

Bar Owner- Right. You're on after Puke-Face's routine...

Alice- Damn... he's gonna be hard to follow.

Alice peeks through the curtain watching some of Puke Face Jones' act.

Puke Face- Whhhhy is the Smarties candy made full of chocolate....? Because it would be freakin' illegal to use HUMAN shit!!

He makes a loud dry heaving noise. Some can be heard coughing within the silent bar crowd. Alice brings her attention back to the bar owner who is distracted by his smart phone as Alice speaks to him.

Alice- I'm super nervous right now.  Not only am I debuting my premiere one woman show infront of a live crowd. Instead of the stuffed animals and sleeping hobo bums I usually perform it in front of. But I also have my debut SCW Climax Control against two other terrific bombshells. Cadence Carter and Amy-Jayne. And get this, in a ROULETTE match. Talk about nerves... Like what the hell? My first match could be anything from wrestling in mud, to ladders tables and cages to even a bra and panty match... to hell... who can swallow the most hotdogs contest like match!! I don't know. Anything can happen, ya know? I bought some sexy undies just in case. I also plan to eat nothing that morning... just in case I have to stuff a couple of dogs into the mouth hole.

Alice nudges him with a smirk.

Alice- But between you and me. I hope it is a hotdog eating contest. Carter and Jayne wouldn't know what to expect coming from me, a former second place winner at the Annual Albuquerque Dog-Off. I lost to that damn 3 time World Hot Dog eating Champion Inaguchi Kobayashi ... he always beats me. But still, Cadence and Amy don't have the dog eating skills that I grew up with. Sometimes I even get three wieners at once in my mouth. Did you know, that the three wiener method known as triple-dogging was first done in 1956 by Richard Langley from Ottawa, Ontario? The more you know. But the real secret to dogging? I am gifted with an overly lubricated throat. Don't tell my opponents though. I actually sent them an invite to this show tonight. I thought, even though yes we ALL want this number one contender shot at the Bombshell Roulette championship... but if the three of us hung out. Had a few drinks. Told a few scary ghost stories. We'd like totally not go into this match with a grudge to kill each other. Ya know? Hey...

Alice taps the bar owner on the shoulder. He looks at her startled.

Bar Owner- Jeez lady, what? Were you talking to me this entire time? God. You're on in a few minutes. God damnit. Stupid women..

Alice pouts as she goes back to her script.
Cuts to on the stage with PUKE FACE JONES'.

Puke Face- ... they put KFC Chicken in a bucket because then after you're done eating it... you have a place to puke, piss and shit into...

The Bar Owner rushes the stage and shakes Puke Face's hand as the small crowd boos him.

Bar Owner- Okay... ladies and gentlemen, big thanks to Puke Face. He'll be here again tomorrow night! And yes, The Hall and Oates Tribute Band is still to come. But up next, this young lady is a professional wrestler in the Sin City Wrestling company. Who will be doing a show this weekend. But she is here to perform her one woman show 'KNIGHT OWL COMETH', ladies and gentlemen ... Alice Knight.

The small audience in the bar leisurely applaud as Alice rushes out behind the curtain excitedly. She curtsies to the announcer and looks at the smokey view of the crowd.

Alice(big smile)- Hey everyone. I am Alice Knight. Multiple wrestling champion and the newest member of Sin City Wrestling. We're actually currently on a 'Down Under' tour. Pretty neat, huh? This play, this one woman show of mine ... well it is a little AMAZING history about me: Alice Knight. Does anyone know if Cadence Carter and Amy Jayne are here??? Cadence ... Amy? IF YOU'RE HERE JUST WAVE AND SHOUT MY NAME!!!! HELLO??!?!

Drunk Man- Hurry it up, lady!

Alice Knight- Oh okay... well... I give you... THE KNIGHT OWL COMETH!!

The lights dim as Alice leans in to the microphone.

Alice- The year is 1899. I am Alexandra Knight, ready to make my fortune in America. You see, I invented the world's first hand shoes for people who walk on their hands, and one day my future granddaughter will be rich and famous with a big ass mansion with 2 bathrooms and a dishwasher. And she will have sexual intercourse with all the super hot male models and even academy award winning actor Casey Affleck and every other sexy stud celebrity I am currently too early to bang, 'cause movie stars don't exist yet... because it's the year 1899... remember?

Intoxicated Man in Audience- Hey sweetness... lift up your dress...

Sounds of laughter can be heard from his table.

Alice(distracted)- Uh...Now, uh... Now it's, uh...the year 2013! Here I am, training to become a wrestling superstar as I live in my car. Boy, it sure is tough doing all of this wrestling training and trying not to get caught by the police for the act prostitution sex with all these ugly John's...  who help pay for my wrestling training. Even tougher, these insane gas prices? I mean, the cash we put out for gas money is a drag, am I right, ladies and gents?

A chuckle and a loud cough can be heard from the back. Alice also lets out a giggle.

Alice- I know... I know...

Alice slips on a fake mustache.

Alice(talking a poor Mexican accent)- O'la-lay. Moi name is Pedro, and even though I say i love my current girlfriend Alice Knight in 2013... I'm about to cheat on her with Samantha, the not so attractive neighbor across the hall. Tha's a spicey de meatball...

The people in the bar erupt with boos.

Alice- Please. Please. Hold all your boos until the end of the show. I need to focus...

The booing dies down as a door bell sound effect can be heard.

Alice(back in her accent) Why who could that be, mang? I hope it is a young and sensual yet ugly neighbor wanting me to fix her cable again like in those pornographic films I like to watch all the time, because I am the asshole Pedro who said he loved Alice Knight... but lied and sleeps around on her as she trains. And... ah hem...

Alice opens the staged cardboard door.

Alice- Oh, my heavens! I am being abducted by aliens from outer space, just as I was starting to realize that I love my Alice Knight after all! Now I will spend the next many many years thinking why I did not love my sweet Alice Knight more! Which I mostly did not, because I am a stupid ass-head.

(WE GO THROUGH A MONTAGE OF SCENES FROM ALICE'S PLAY.)

ALice(wearing a potato sack)- No, Daddy! Please don't make me wear the potato sack to my high school prom! Angela and the others will laugh at me. And no way Derek Davis will kiss me... (Switching to her father character) Shut up, Alice! Your mom left us, and I always wanted a son. Now start the peeling potatoes out of your prom dress.

-



Alice- Oh my goodness, this Darren Aron-off-sky-dude's movie is having a profound impact on my soul and mind because it is the best movie I have ever seen. My life is changed forever.

-

Alice - I now pronounce you husband and wife. Alice, you may kiss... the waffle maker??? (Alice looks at the crowd with a silly look) WHAAAA!?!?!?

-

ALice- (wearing a card board box on her head) You programmed me to be the perfect robot husband, but I am leaving you for Windows XP, because you also programmed me to be a ass-head piece of crap slut bot. Alice be alone... again.

-

Alice(singing)-  I!!!!! Am!!! just a conjoined twin baby kitten, and both of me are director Michael Maaaaaann!!!!!  Trapped inside the body of a lonely wrestling wo-maaaaaan!!!!!

-

Alice- ... THIS YEAR IS 2017 After all my hard work, I have finally become a former Wrestling World Champion and respected among the fans and wrestlers. Now everyone in the business will respect me. Oh hi... Sin City Wrestling...  and HELLO TO YOU Cadence Carter and Amy-Jayne... (Switching to one of the SCW bombshells doing a bad impression while flexing) Congratulations, Alice. Just so you know, I being Cadence Carter don't respect you because you live in vehicles and sometimes your breath reeks of corn beef. (she spits) Yes, I agree also, being Amy Jayne.... you should kill yourself! Suck it, Alice! (Alice begins crying.)


TITLE CARD- 4 HOURS LATER


Alice- Oh thank you, Ghost of David Bowie and Audrey Hepburn! You have shown me the true meaning of life. And yes, Audrey. I agree. I do look prettier than you. I may not have taken over my grandmother's hand shoe business, but one day I will bang an Affleck, even if its big Ben, whom I do not find attractive. One day soon, Ben Affleck. I'm coming for you. (Turning to the audience) The end.

THE AUDIENCE BOOS.

Alice- WAIT! WAIT!!!... Are those the boos I told you to hold earlier, or did you all hate the show? I should not have said that before. About the booing... (crowd booing continues)... OH! WHAT'S THE USE!!!

Alice rushes off the stage.

We cut to the parking lot of the bar. We see Alice sitting in a small black limo. She is talking inside with the driver, a young woman looking bored listening to Alice rambling on.

Alice- I mean I invited Cadence and Amy to my show. And they no showed. You think they'd do the right thing and be friendly to the new SCW recruit. Me. I mean, yes, I know they want to win the Bombshell Roulette title too. I mean, i do. Unless... unless... they lost the invite in the mail... nah, stupid. It was email. Unless... the lost their phones, computers and tablets... no... that's not it. (Alice thinks) Maybe we should take off our undergarments?  (The limo driver shakes her head 'no')... yeah... stupid idea... stupid... I mean I rented this limo using Christian Underwood's credit card.  I mean i don't know much about Mr. Ward or Mr. Underwood. But for them to set a girl up with a credit card is pretty rad of them. Plus their smokin' hot too. Which is like a bonus. I like when my boss looks like a movie star, you know?

LimoDriver- My boss looks like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns...

Alice(nodding)- We WERE talking about my problems... what am I paying you for...

Limo Driver- I thought your boss, Mr. Underwood was paying for everything?

Alice- Just be quiet. Look, me, him, whatever, WE rented this limo for myself, Cadence and Amy-Jayne. I thought it be one of those fun girl trip movies. Drinking, smoking, dancing with a little twist of murder. Which one of us would die??? Whatever... I guess we'll never find out. But I'd bet on me. (Alice laughs) Do you think I'm acting naive thinking I could befriend these two upon wrestling them in what could be ANY random match? I should really rethink my preparation going into this match at Climax Control with them. I mean seriously whatever your name is. This is a dog eat dog world. And have you ever eaten delicious dog meat? Once you get a taste for it... there's no going back. And i have that hunger. As the cliche line says, 'only the strong survive.' Well... I intend to do just that. Survive. Me, survive, me. Cadence and Amy are going down! Down under!

Alice looks at her phone.

Alice- Oh!!!!!!!!! Oops! Yeah... well turns out I forgot to push the send button for their invite... this makes more sense. I mean who wouldn't want to see a one woman show performed by me!?! Cadence and Amy! You're alright in my book! I still have to win the match and what not but you're forgiven...

A man with a mustache walks up to the limo frightening Alice. The driver, still bored.

Alice- HEY! WATCH IT BUDDY!?!?!? WOAH! This is awesome. This is incredible! It's Halland Oates!!

John Oates Impersonator- Um, right. Would it be a problem for me to use one of your lovely ladies' phone?

Alice- (looks at the limo driver) I think we're getting hit on by Mr. Halland Oates! You wanna tag team this guy?

Alice reaches around her back to undo her bra.

John Oates Impersonator- No. Just need to use your phone... and you know we're a duo, right?

Alice- Sure. Sure. Sure... i'm sure you have a whole band. A drummer, fiddler, tambourine player and all that jazz. You know, if you follow wrestling. And who doesn't in the year 2017... i'm a wrestler myself. Working for Sin City Wrestling. Kind of have this big match for a number one contender shot at the Bombshell Roulette title. I'm alot like you, without the front man that is you, Halland Oates, they'd all be lost. Same with me and wrestling. Without Alice Knight out there hitting the ropes, landing on the mat and beating up bombshells like Carter and Jayne... um... you know what I mean?

John Oates Impersonator-(confused) I am ONE half of Hall and Oates... the tribute band... and nevermind... Um... phone?

Alice (handing him a beer)- Here, have a beer...

John Oates Impersonator- Um... it's already open and half full... and I can't. I'm driving to the hotel.

Alice- No! No! I insist... and half full... i like your positive look on life. Kind of like this match with Cadence and Amy Jayne. I'm one of three halves in the match. And it's three half full... right?

John Oates Impersonator(handing back the half beer)- Look girls. I just came out for a quick smoke break... and i've already wasted enough time... I'm just gonna use the payphone in the bar.



Alice-(points her fingers at him) Right on... check-E-later! And check out Climax Control this week. It's going to be one hell of a show!! Because then you will see Alice Knight win the roulette SCW hot dog eating contest... and then watch Alice Knight throw up an hour later a contest worthy of hotdog buns and wieners...

John Oates Impersonator- Right... good luck...

Alice checks her phone as the limo driver looks on.

Alice-God, i'm glad I didn't have to give him my phone. Data is almost up and I don't need some weird musatchio guy using it all up. And... well... (she looks at the driver)... let's go. Get behind the wheel. If i'm not going to party around Australia... let's least go find a Kangaroo to throws eggs at or something. Oh Cadence and Amy... you ladies are missing out!

The limo driver steps out of the car and walks to the driver seat. They speed off to RICH GIRL by Hall AND Oates playing from within the bar. The scene fades.

 As the elderly man gawks at Alice she is already midsentence as if she were talking to him the whole time.

Alice- ... I mean then I found out that Tyler Perry was Maeda... in like ALL of the movies. So I had to apologize to everyone thinking it was Halle Berry. Does that make me racist? I mean, is it bad to think Halle Berry was THAT good? If that's racist... then put one of those funny looking X's on my forehead... please don't.

Old Man- Excuse me, miss. Could you help me to my car? I need to get in touch with my... um... wife...  it is an emergency.

Alice looks at him suspiciously.

Alice- I dunno... this is a classic rape scene scenario in a weird Kiefer Sutherland movie. Buuuuut... you have kind eyes. I'll do it...

Alice laughs and gently tugs on his beard.

Alice- Okay... you seem like a fine person. Plus I love helping the elderly.

Oldman- Oh thank you... we shall return barkeep.

Alice holds him by the hand as she walks him to the exit. They leave the Jefferson bar. Alice and the Old Man look down and see a dead black cat lying on the sidewalk. As Alice squats down to investigate at the cat, the old man starts pouring chloroform into a handkerchief to smother Alice with it...

Alice- Shame... waste of good cat blood... and cat meat too. Pity. Never can trust an animal as delicious and source full as a cat. Damn...

Old Man looks on surprised as Alice stands back up.

Old Man- Um... are you apart of the Crusade Movement, young lady? I'm Crusader #23

Alice(trying not to laugh)- Huh? In English please.

Old Man- The Crusader? Number 1?

Alice- Cruise-Spader? You lost me... is Tom Cruise doing a James Spader movie? Seems like a step back for ol' Tom...

Old Man- But the cats...?

Alice- Yeah, I'm just an average common girl. I like ponies and flowers. And yes sometimes I drain cat blood in my sink so no spiritual voodoo magic will haunt me while I sleep. Girl stuff...

Old Man- I think... I think you need to meet someone.

The Old Man points to an alley way just up the street where the silhouette of a figure can be seen standing there watching the two.


TBC by Anyone... haha.