The color of leaving
The weather matched his mood. It was overcast, the grey clouds above mixing with darker almost black ones that covered the normally blue sky. There was still some snow on the ground, but the cover had noticeably become lighter and not as dense as it was over the start of the year. Indeed, winter was ending and the warmer spring weather was on it’s way.
Not that Austin cared.
He had just buried his wife, the mother of his children. And he had no idea why, no questions had been answered. All that Austin had were questions in himself and the questions that had been asked of him. The police had their suspicions and no matter what Austin did or said their eyes were, at leas particularly on him.
And why wouldn’t they be?
He knew it had been strained lately. Their relationship and home life. And what was worse? Others had seen it. Neighbors, friends, family. They all saw Austin and Lisa arguing. But arguments were a part of love. Atleast, thats what he told himself, that’s what others too told him. But why did it feel so wrong? Why did it feel like the passion and happiness he felt needed the darker side of anger and frustration. The ying and yang of it all.
And now he sat in his loungeroom. Lisa had been buried, the children, still young and confused, Marcus at his age knew his mother way gone and didn’t understand why, asking for his mither, asking when she was coming home. His daughter, his sweet little May, she was too young, and Austins new fear was that she wouldn’t remember Lisa, ever. That she would grow up without those loving memories. And now, with all the questions, he wondered if he would even be there to help raise his children.
Or if he too would be taken away, if they would be raised, convinced that their father could be capable of something so cold and callous.
He groaned and leaned forward, his hair, newly cut and styled as he felt like he needed a change, even his face was different, the once bearded expression, trimmed and shaved back to show his true looks, his true face.
He heard the door open, the latch click, and the foot steps. It was Amy, he knew she would be coming over. He knew she wanted to be there for him and be close, but he also knew she had it hard. She still struggled with some human interactions. Things she had no experience with, and one of those things was empathy. She knew anger, hatred and love. But empathy, voicing the feeling of joined sorrow.
She had no idea how to do it.
”Hey….”
She smiled lightly, walking over to Austin and sitting down next to him, reaching out and putting her hand on his shoulder. Austin sighed, looking lightly to the side as she again smiled. ”Thank you for being here Amy, but I….I would rather be alone…”
Amy gave Austin a nod and a smile but didn’t movie, she cleared her throat and leaned over giving Austin a hug. ”Bullshit. I’m not going anywhere Aus. Lisa was my family to…for better or worse.” She trailed off, her pwn voice filled with sadness and regret. Austin took a deep breath and sighed. With a heavy heart before looking to his sister again.
”Thank you…”
Last Week
It was overcast and raining again, it was horrible as the first snow of winter had come so early and soon. It was white and thick, covering the ground and road. Austin hated it, he hated being out in it but also knew what he had to do.
”It’s been a long time…son..”
The voice broke the silence. Austin ground his teeth together and shook his head with a loud sigh. ”You shouldn’t call me that, old man.” From the shadows stepped Mark Kristianson, the man who married his stepmother Elena DeDraca, but was alos, not so secretly, his father. Christian Mercer. A different face, a different look, surgery and a fake funeral all for the American government to use him as a mole. Witness protection at it’s finest.
”You think anyone is listening down here Aus?. And you also think I didn’t take all the precautions in the world?...” He moved around next to Austin, his face changing to a more down and sour look/”I’m sorry about Lisa, she….she was a good woman…” Austin stayed silent, simply nodding slowly.
There was silence between them, Austin turning sideways waiting for Mark to do the same as they came face to face. ”Do you have it?”
Mark took a deep breath, he slowly reached inside his jacket pocket and brought something out, a picture, folded in half, a note inside, he held it and shook his head looking Austin up and down. ”Are you sure you want this?....knowing, and having this information….it could lead you down a path you don’t want to go on.” Austin stopped, thinking for a moment before holding out his hand. ”You made your decision….
He handed the piece of paper to Austin, stepping back and giving him a nod. Austin gave a small one in return, waiting till he was gone before slowly opening the picture, it was grainy, grey and fuzzy. The note with an address scribbled on it.
Now he knew.
And he was going there for a little visit….
Taking down a king.
”No matter the opponent standing across from you in the ring, the greatest foe, is the one in the mirror.
Austin leans forward, his short hair slicked back as a few strands slide down over his forehead.
”You can be physically dominant and have some of the best skills imaginable, you can work hard and put in all the effort, but if you step into a match believing you have already won, then you have a serious problem. This is the problem I had with Alexander Raven. In our first match we had a draw, and I was furious, I was so angry I wanted to break something, anything. It was that type of rage that makes even people who know you and have known you for years FEAR you. That is what a draw did to me.”
“I said it, I would rather lose than go through that. And in my mind I honestly believed there was no chance Alexander Raven was going to beat me. I had my ducks lined up, I had the gun in my hand and all I had to do was pull the damn trigger, that kind of arrogance, that kind of cocky nature the feeling of being unbeatable. It shows a weak psyche. And I had that weakness. However, where I differ from some of you knuckle dragging neanderthals is that when I lose, I can look that person in the eye, congratulate them and move on.”
“Alexander Raven, he survived me in our first encounter, but in our second. He beat me. And he deserves all the respect in the world for that.”
“Beating me is no easy feet, beating me is not something that happens every single week. I am not someone with a losing record who is only around to sign the contract and get paid every week. Austin James Mercer is a force in this company and I always will be. So everyone, and I mean everyone, should put their hands together and respect that man. Because Alexander Raven proved to me and proved to the world he isn’t just talk. He isn’t just a mess of jumbled words and a bohemian world view. He is a capable professional wrestler.”
Austin chuckles and nods before standing up.
”And that’s what we’re doing here right? Wrestling. No matter what kind of personality we have or personal issues we are going through, we are wrestlers. The crux of our lives, the reason why we’re all here is to step in that ring and see who is better. That is what I enjoy about all this. That’s what I enjoy about facing someone like, say, Mac Bane. A former world champion, a man who had beaten Alex Jones, my mentor, or so some would say, taking that title from him. I know what kind of man Mac is, I know the power he has and the self belief he has.”
“He has done this for so long, he knows the business inside and out.”
“You do not underestimate a man like that….ever”
“That is something my father taught me, appreciate everyone you are in the ring with, because anyone who has the guts to get in the ring deserves a little bit of respect. But when it comes to someone who has real, tangible accomplishments. You respect that shit. Right Mac? You respect it, appreciate it and you try and overcome it. And against me, well despite recent losses, you know you have alot to overcome.”
He throws his arms out to the side and steps sideways, reminding us all at his sheer size.
”For starters I am one of the few in this business and in this company that isn’t smaller than you. I match up with you physically Mac, I also match up with you as far as accomplishments. I have been the Internet champion, the mixed tag team champion and I have been the world champion, I have stepped in the ring with the best of the best in this company and I have beaten them.”
“I also know what it’s like to slide down the mountain after being on top oif it. To loser the title you worked so hard for. And that championship is damn hard to hold onto. You found that out when you challenged Alex to put his roulette title on the line and lost, handing him a world title in the process. It’s why longer world title reigns are so hard to come by. The pressure gets to you.”
“Fenris, myself, Ben Jordan, we were all able to hold the title for longer than a hundred days.”
“But my god Mac, did that take alot out of me. So much out of me in fact that after I lost it, every single time I have had a shot to get it back, I just, I fail. It’s like a mental block, and every time I face Vinnie, the man who took it from me, I lose confidence. It has mentally affected me. And I know, it sounds weak right?...”
He scoffs and raises his eyebrows.
”It is not weak to admit your shortcomings, it is weak to ignore them. And as much as I respect you Mac, the truth is that I don’t think you have the strength to look at your own shortcomings. To admit and accept your failings as a wrestler, a man, a champion, a leader…or a husband…”
“You watched as your wife went through horrible things and showed barely any emotion or thought. You failed her Mac. As a wrestler you failed yourself by not living ujp to your own lofty expectations leading you to fail as a champion.”
“And your failure as a leader? You had a groyuop, three men who stood with you and you lasted…what?...a few months? And now only Ken is here and thriving? Someone who already had years of experience? The others left and fell off real quick. Do you know how long Wolfslair dominated SCW? Alex, myself, Alicia and Johanna?...years Mac….years.”
“And that fact, that your collection of talent couldn’t stay together and fell apart? The fact you all imnploded? Mac, that speaks volumes on your faiilures as a leader….”
“But, now we get to jump in the ring again and go at it, two big bulls ready to tear each other apart, destroy one another. And that is the true essence of wrestling Mac….”
