France was beautiful. Of all the places in the world I never thought I would get to go, it was France. When I was a kid, we traveled to a lot of different American Military bases across the world. For instance, my love of wrestling started when we went to a small Puroresu show in Japan while my mom was in Okinawa. The cheers, the life of the arena, the jeering of the crowd, and the thud of the female athletes as they hit the canvas, the floor, even the chairs around us was exhilarating. I told myself that one day I would be a wrestler like them, and maybe one day, I could go to Japan and perform for them too.

I never really planned for anything else until I was around seventeen years of age. You see, we’d moved back to Colorado by then, and my mom was stationed at Buckley Air Force Base.  My whole family was there, and as families do, they always encouraged me to do my best. My grandmother, though, she thought so highly of me and demanded that I go to college. There is no point in wasting your brain, she would tell me. I graduated fifth in my class, and I earned a scholarship to the University of Colorado so that I could study literature.

So I did.

It just happened to be the worst choice I could have ever made, and led me down a path that I somewhat regret now. They always say you should never regret your past, because it was what made you. But had I made other choices? Go to a different college, immediately being wrestling training, perhaps I wouldn’t have become the person that I am today.

Since the day that I thought I saw him out my window, I’d begun having nightmares. The whole month of April tended to give me nightmares too, but I’d been able to squash most of them on my own. I knew I was ultimately safe. Zach reminded me daily that he wasn’t there, and I certainly wasn’t going to see him in some coffee shop in France.

Anyway, I had to get over it. I had a good job, a career I loved, and I had a Blast From the Past to win. The goal wasn’t just to get to the top – it was to face the best in the business right now. And that…that was Kayla Richards. My bestie.

And if I could face her, I could face anything, right?

I could face my past, I could confront my future head on and tell it that I was going to be the best, like no one ever was.

And that was something I needed more than anything.



🎔🎔🎔🎔🎔🎔



I don’t have a lot to say this week. I wish I did, but I feel like my brain is all wrapped up in cobwebs and spiders right now, and that….well, it’s not the best. I know it. It’s not my favorite thing and I wish I didn’t, but there are just some weeks where I get nervous.  Sometimes I end up second guessing myself, thinking that I’m not good enough. Thinking…that I made the wrong decisions to come back after the birth of my kiddo.

But then I remember that I’m Kallie Reznik, and if I can’t come back and be peppy, then no one can.

Artie and I kicked butt last time. I mean, I took care of a lot of it, but Artie? Artie did great. He’s getting the training that he needs, training with Fenris and I mean, his wifey might have been beaten for the Roulette Championship, but I really think that he could do great things here. Once, of course, he gets over…well, himself. I’ll do everything that I can to help him this week, but that is like, the most important thing. That we work with one another to be the best that we can, no matter what.

We’ve got Cordelia Clark and Justin Smith this week. It’s funny, like, the similarities here. Justin Smith acts like he has one brain cell like….firing….at any time, so I can deffo understand why she had a meltdown last time. I know that I have an even shorter straw, but at least I have a partner that wants to do his best and doesn’t just dial it in because he’s trying to…I dunno, just be here?

We know Justin got here because of Cordy, and that’s obvious. I mean, after the experience that Cordelia has within this company, what with being in Underground and then being here…it’s like she’s trying to forget a whole section of her life and come back with a rookie attitude.

I don’t…like…get it.

See, I’ve been wrestling three years now, and I have my championships. I do. I cherish them and they help me remember that I’m a good combatant, that I am good at what I do. I’ve fought hard, and I will always fight hard. And sometimes, I get a challenge placed in front of me, and you know what I do? I welcome it. I want new things, I want to face people I’ve never faced, I don’t want it to be easy for me. And this week? I know Cordelia has a great repertoire and can like, super fight. And that’s what I want in front of me, cuz it like, invigorates me.

But I will never understand why people get so upset about their partners. Look at mine. He doesn’t even know how to wrestle, and here I am, thinking I’m going to be the one that messes it up for both of us! I don’t want to do that. I know he doesn’t want to do that. So we’re both gonna try like heck to get to the top of this tournament. I want to face the best.

I want to face everyone that can teach me something new.

And you know what? I learn a lot from every match that I come across.

This will be no different.

Cordy. Justin.

This is gonna be a great match – let’s make sure that we have an awesome one, and let’s make the crowd happy, okay!?

thebutterflyeffect 2.0 🎔aspirations


♡♡♡♡♡♡


“Why are you doing this?”

We sat at a coffee shop. It was a rare occasion in which my coach showed that she was a human being, but it always weirded me out when we did these once-a-month conversations. I honestly felt like I was being interviewed, and the weirdest part was that it was the same question every single time that opened it.

Why are you doing this?

“This” was my chosen profession of getting slammed on the mat and vice versa. There was never a deviation, never a different question. She would sit there with her colorful hair and her resting bitch face and her expression wouldn’t change. There was never a physical response with her, no tilt of her head, no raise of her perfectly tweezed eyebrow. It was just…nothing. I’d gone through the gamut of answers in the past, the first of which was that I was doing this for Dax. Most people would smile when they mentioned babies, but that didn’t happen.

The second time I said it was because I wanted to prove myself to everyone. That garnered a slightly pursed lip.

The third time was because I wanted to make Aiden happy. I got a blank stare, like she couldn’t imagine making anyone else happy.

My coach was not very coach-y, but she was good at her job. Aaron Asphyxia was known a long time ago as a competitor who held multiple championships, fought for everything that she believed in and got annoyed at stupid shit that happened. But now? She was done wrestling, and decided that it was more important to train the next group of wrestlers.

Two years ago, when we met, I was a fledgling little wrestler, unable to see happiness even if it was shining in my face. Every failure was extremely immersed in awful thoughts. I’d just walked into Wolfslair one more time with Aiden, hand in hand. We’d scanned our cards, headed into the main room with our gear hanging over our shoulders and in our bags.

It was quiet that day, but it would be louder than a club once everyone else got there and started their routines. Aiden mumbled something about a program for us to follow before we separated and headed into our respective locker.

When I came out of mine, headphones in my ears and a bottle of water in my hand, I saw that Finn was already here. And strangely, he was talking to Alex and Sonja. That was a surprise, since Alex really didn’t like Finn and the feeling was mutual, but nevertheless, they were talking in low voices. When they saw me appear, they stopped talking, and Sonja began making a beeline for me.

I didn’t even hear Aiden pop out of the men’s locker room until he asked me, quietly, “Are you getting fired?”

“Probably,” I’d whispered then, panic seeping into my pores. Sonja was the queen of making everything look like there wasn’t a problem, but she was also a lawyer, and that was definitely part of her job. I swallowed and tried to smile.

“Good morning, Kallie! If you could come with me, that would be great.” She smiled widely, stopping in front of us. “Good morning, Aiden,” she added.

“‘Allo,” he stated, nodding his head. He slid a hand around my waist and pressed his lips to the side of my head with a kiss and then walked off. I frowned as I watched him go.

“It’ll only be a few minutes,” Sonja assured me, walking ahead of me. I jogged quickly to catch up with her, and followed her upstairs into the conference room where I’d previously signed all of my papers and had a conversation with Alex when I joined the gym. A lot had happened since the day I joined Wolkslair, and now here I was. I stepped into the room, sat at the end of the table across from Finn and Alex and inhaled as I tried to assure myself I would not be let go of my wrestling family just because I wasn’t doing well. Sonja sat down next to Alex, rifling through a small stack of papers.

Alex swiveled in his chair a bit, looking at me with his hand holding up his head. Finn looked merely at his phone, taking a sip of his coffee every few seconds. I folded my hands together and chewed on my lip. “Listen…if…if this is about my loss…”

Alex’s black eyebrow went up and he tilted his head to the side. He looked back at Sonja, who also looked confused and then to Finn, who raised an eyebrow of his own and shook his head. He snorted slightly as he leaned forward, “You’re not getting fired, kiddo. You can relax,” he stated, and then watched as I held my breath for a second, allowing the words to wash over me.

Okay.

Not getting fired.

The sound of heels clicking against the floor was my answer that day. I tried to listen as the de facto leader of the gym began to tell me that he was happy with my performances and I was continuing to meet expectations, but I was distracted by the rhythmic clicks. When the door opened behind me, I found another heavily tattooed individual that almost looked like she fit in with Finn and Dickie really well. She had very colorful hair that she probably changed often and a slight smile. No. A smirk. She was much smaller than me, but her Louboutins gave her quite some height with the platforms. She wore sunglasses that she pulled off a second later, her brown eyes surveying the room. She pursed her lips.

“Finn.”

“Cunt.” He replied, without missing a beat.

“Finn,” Alex snapped, but it didn’t seem completely forced. He stood and raised his hand to shake hers. “Nice to see you again.”

“So, this is why I'm here?” She was quick, cutting straight to the chase without allowing for small talk. She walked over to where Finn sat, and he automatically pushed his feet into the ground and rolled his chair backwards away from her as if she had the plague.

“I’m sorry about Finn, Aaron–”

That’s who this was. It clicked in my head very quickly. I’d remembered watching her as I was growing up. From Bare Bones Wrestling, way back to Ionic Wrestling Federation, all the way up to So-Call Ultraviolent. This was Aaron Asphyxia. And if I recalled correctly…”

“Wasn’t she married to you?” I blurted out, looking at Finn once.

Aaron sat down, leaning her head over the table as she propped it up with her hand. “Once upon a time. Small dick syndrome separated us.”

Finn looked up from his phone with the blase expression I’d ever seen cross his face. “Oh, is that why you fucked the kid you were training? The itty-bitty titty committee you’ve got goin’ on there must have thrilled him.”

Aaron looked at him, a smile rising up on her features. I couldn’t tell if she actually meant what she said, or if Finn was just not addressing it fully. Clearly, there was a lot of bad blood there, and ultimately, it definitely made me uncomfortable. I looked over to Alex, and found myself surprised. He’d turned slightly from the conversation and had the side of his hand covering his mouth and was laughing silently.

Finn leaned forward, reaching out and putting his hand in Aaron’s face, pushing her head back out of the way. “As much as she’s an adulterous bitch, she is one of the best, Kallie. You have more promise than we’ve been thinking you had originally, and now that your head is on your shoulders and it’s time we put you into some more…rigorous training. We’ve obviously enlisted this bitch to help.”

“I’m still feeling all the warm and fuzzies from you, Finneh.”

‘They’re placed in someone else now, thanks.”

“Aaron is a cruiserweight champion, essentially.” Alex cut in, before the other two could start bickering again. “The only other people in this gym that could help you are your peers. So, we’ve added her on the payroll for the next few months. She’ll help you with getting your moves faster, give you some tips on how to take down men and women bigger than you, and also give you some pointers on some of the people you may face and what they stand for. She’s been part of the scene for a long time, and she’ll guide you better than any of us can.”

Aaron grinned and held out her hand across Finn’s body for me to shake. “Aaron Asphyxia, Miss Kallisto.”

“Kallie,” I corrected, without really thinking about it. I paused and looked at her. She merely smiled.

But now, she was not smiling.

“Why are you doing this?” She repeated.

I’d exhausted all my answers that I could come up with, so I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair. “I’ve given you every answer in the entire world, Aaron. I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“There isn’t a right answer.”

“But you seem like you’re looking for the right answer. And I can’t think of anything else. Why am I wrestling? Because I love the sport. Because I love the fans, because I love my husband, because I love my son. I want to be great because of them, and I want to do the best I can in spite of everyone who says I can’t. I’ve given you all of these answers.”

Finally.

The bitch smiled.

Her pink lips curled up and her heavily done eyes crinkled in happiness at my response. Maybe it was a fire that she thought she lit under me, but I didn’t want to break it to her….I already had that. There was always a fire. There would always be a fire.

Now to show everyone in Sin City just what that was.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

Last time I was here, I had my first win in Sin City Wrestling. Miss Manners didn’t have much to say after the match, but I haven’t seen her complain in a bit. So. Yay! I have to say that I really really enjoyed the fans, and I’m glad that we had a really good match. I’m glad I was able to shoot for the stars like I always do, and push to be able to do what we do best for everyone.

That’s always super important to me, you know? It’s not about me so much, but everyone involved. Miss Manners certainly tried so hard, and like…I know she wanted to put me in my place for a super rude reason, but you know…it’s okay. Karma is my cat, or whatever Taylor Swift said. And it gets people. It just like, clamps down, and it’s super vicious and sometimes, like, I wish I could be like karma itself. Because no one expects to beat a little ol’ happy gal like me.

Some people say I’m too naive. Some people say I’m too trusting, and that I don’t know how to look out for number one. And to those people, I say this: you’re right. I could never look out for just me, myself and I. It’s important that all of us are strong, capable and well-enough to do the job that only we can do.

When I saw my opponent this week, I questioned myself and then I questioned my friends…and I questioned my gym owner, who laughed. I didn’t understand why he laughed, but now it’s starting to make sense. At least, it did after I did some research. See, I remember growing up with the name Crystal Hilton. I used to sit and watch every piece of wrestling I could get my hands on because I loved the sport so much.

Growing up is the key.

I don’t mean to be an ageist, Crystal, but it’s one of those things I question whether you’re like…okay to continue doing this sport. Since you’ve come back to Sin City Wrestling for the eightieth billion time, it seems like you’re strugglin’. I hate watching people struggle. It’s kind of sad. Like you’re unable to stop what you’re doing, that you’ve lost your drive, your reason for the aspiration of what we all want. A former Bombshells champion over and over again, you’ve been doing this a long time, and you’re so decorated! I am excited to step in the ring with you, but I’m also nervous for you.

Oh but Kalliekins, why are you nervous?

That’s a great question! There’s always people that are in this field that never know exactly when to quit, you know? They always come back for that one more time, thinking that this one more time is going to be their last time. The last time they can get retribution, the last time they can prove that they’re still something positive in this world. But Crystal…I’m honestly not sure what you’re thinking, ma’am. While I know that there could be great parts to this match, I just…I move really fast. I fight hard. I push hard. I mean it when I say that I’m always raring to go and I want to prove that I am worth the salt that has been paid into me so far. I move fast, because my trainer taught me to do so. I have to think fast, to be the speedy gonzales I know I have to be to best anyone around me.

But I’m not really like, sure I’m going to have to with you.

Sometimes people don’t know that their time is up. And Crystal, I hate to break it to you, but I’m just trying to help you here. You have to want this, and I’m not really sure you do. You’re lackadaisical, you never quite pull a punch when you should. It’s like you’re going to be one of those horror stories in which a wrestler – genderless, of course – can’t hack it anymore in the big leagues because they refuse to move on with the times, and they start performing in broken down high school gyms because they can’t let go of who they used to be. You’re the same person you were so many years ago, Cryssie, and I really think it’s time for you to either reinvent your Final Fantasy X2 Yuna self, or maybe start thinking that it would be better to start training the masses.

All I know is that on Sunday, it’s gonna be me and it’s like…gonna be you, and you’re not gonna know what hits ya. I’ve got my own aspirations. I want to be someone that’s remembered for what they did, and who they defeated. You were not someone that I needed on my bracket, but nevertheless, I’m not afraid of facing you. I’m just nervous for you, because…I dunno, when does osteoporosis set in? Or cataracts?

Are you going to be even able to see?!

I-Dee-Kay, man. I hope it’ll be okay. I hope it’ll be a great match. But I mean this when I say it: I’m bringing everything I have because I need to put in that one hundred percent. Don’t ever count me out, because this Butterfly stings like a bee.

…hehe.

I always wanted to say that.