“So far so good, right sis?”
Adrianna asked me this on our living room couch following my first round win in the Blast from the Past tournament a few weeks ago.
“It’s not going to be easy, but it feels really damn good to get by round one. Now it’s a waiting game to see who’s going to be coming up next.”
“I’m just happy to see that you and Mac are getting along well so far all things considered.”
“Yeah, that’s true. I’m also glad that…”
We would both be interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing. I looked between Adrianna and I as that’s where the phone was and my eyes widened when I saw that it was a North Carolina area code.
“Wait… you don’t think…”
“Answer it, sis!” Adrianna said as I picked up the phone and answered it on speaker.
“Hello? Is this Myra Lynwood?” I heard a female voice say on the other line.
“It’s Rivers now, but yes. Whom am I speaking with?”
“This is Aurora Alan, the head of the GCW Hall of Fame committee…”
My jaw dropped in shock and Adrianna let out a joyful gasp. My heart was filling with that same joy as I knew what was about to happen.
“Hey! How are you?” I politely said.
“I’m fine. Yourself?”
“Swell, really! I’ve done many good things since I left GCW.”
“So I’ve heard! I just wanted to call you to congratulate you on being part of the GCW Hall of Fame class of 2021!”
Adrianna let out an excited squeal and was immediately suffocating me with an embrace all while I was feeling grateful on the inside. I let those incredible words pulsate through my conscience for a bit, feeling nothing but jubilation.
“Thank you! Really…. Thank you! It’s such an incredible honor. I know that I wasn’t the most honorable citizen during my time in GCW, but I’m very grateful that my accomplishments and time put in there is appreciated nonetheless.”
“We’ll see you in a few months for your speech! We’re looking forward to hearing from you!”
“The feeling is mutual! Thank you, Aurora!”
“Thank you! Congratulations again and have a great rest of your day!”
The call hung up and Adrianna and I sprung off the couch and exchanged a huge hug!
“Congrats, sis! You deserve this!”
“I’m happy… SO happy!” I said with an exasperated sigh. “I finally have my chance to end the biggest regret of my whole career on a bright note!”
The rest of that day, obviously, would continue to be a day of celebration…
March 12, 2021
“You really have changed so much…” I heard my former protege Chelsea LeClair tell me as we met privately in Miami over a dinner that she arranged on her own. Chelsea, who is Andrea’s former tag partner and best friend, held a huge grudge against me for years after our GCW days. “...last year, I wouldn’t have said that you deserve it. But, I see how much you’ve changed and I’m happy for you!”
“Thanks Chelsea!” I said with a smile. “I’m surprised you wanted to get together on this, but I do appreciate that. I fucked up so much with GCW…”
“You did…” Chelsea said without hesitation.
“You and Andrea got the worst of it…” I said with a lamenting sigh. “I was nothing but insecure the whole time in GCW… about myself, my career, my personal life… and I took it out on both of you more than anyone. I see you and I can’t help but be anything but sorry about the abuse I put you both through…”
“Can we talk about the night before your last world title win and what you did to us?” She asked me much to my discomfort.
“Sure…” I said, acknowledging her feelings.
Chelsea let out a sigh, showing me how hard this was for her as well and then she began to tell me the story she wanted to tell…
November 24, 2016
“CAN YOU TWO DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!?!?!?!” I screamed at Chelsea and Andrea as I was beating both of them around the ring. Andrea looked scared, but I didn’t care as I gave her an incredibly stiff lariat that knocked her down to the mat. Chelsea wasn’t faring much better as I picked her up and gave her a hard suplex into the mat. “WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME WITH BOTH OF YOU? You two have become SO COMPLACENT since winning the tag team titles!”
Andrea got up and I grabbed her by the throat, shoving her right into the corner and pinning her against the turnbuckles.
“I NEED this last training before my big world title match tomorrow and you’re both acting like a couple of weaklings! COME ON! Toughen up already!”
“But…” a quivering Andrea said. As soon as she began her whining, I pinched her right in her bruised cheek, which caused her some suffering.
“Myra, STOP!” Chelsea pleaded with me and I let her go. I punched her right in her bruised shoulder, causing her to drop to her knees in pain and cry.
“Oh my GOD, Chelsea! You’re such a SISSY! There’s no crying in wrestling! You are both USELESS! How are you two even WRESTLING, let alone the tag team champions? Your lack of ability to be in any way a challenge to me tonight is softening me up for my BIG MATCH TOMORROW! HELLO? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME COMPETITION HERE!”
Andrea, tears in her eyes, slumped down into the corner and then my phone rang, which angered me further. I walked to the center of the ring, where I had my phone, and I answered without seeing who it was.
“WHAT?” I said.
“...bad time…?” I heard my ex-husband Ricky tell me. His voice made me narrow my eyes with complete bitterness.
“I have a HUGE MATCH TOMORROW, got that? I’m trying to win a world title here!”
“It’s always about the wrestling for you! Why?” he asked me.
“It’s my whole life! There’s nothing more important to me than my career! Period!”
“What about Kimberly?”
“Tell her I said hi!” I said with a smile.
“We talked about you coming over for her birthday today…”
“...that’s TODAY?” I asked him, completely shocked.
“How can you forget that?” he asked me in an appalled tone of voice. “She’s supposed to be the most important part of your life, not your wrestling career. How can you continue to choose your career over your own daughter? You can’t at least come over for an hour or two to be part of her birthday?”
“Ricky, I can’t…” I said. “I HAVE to get this training in! Why can’t you understand? I HAVE to be ready for the biggest match of my whole GCW career and I can’t waste a second, let alone two hours.”
“You’re calling two hours with your daughter a waste of time? Really? Can you at least talk to her on the phone for…”
“NO!!!!” I harshly said. “This is MY time, REMEMBER? I’m living MY life for ME! I love Kimberly, but I can’t let her be a distraction for me right now!”
“WHAT? You’ve got to be kidding me, Myra! A DISTRACTION? How can you be so selfish?”
“BYE! Don’t fucking call me for a few days, okay? I’ll stop by next weekend or something… MAYBE… BYE!!!!!”
I rudely hung up the phone and looked back at Andrea and Chelsea who were completely shellshocked by my behavior. I glared at them and walked back to the corner. The anger over what just happened was really fueling me as I grabbed a chair that was in the corner. I picked it up and walked back toward my proteges, who looked like deer in headlines. Chelsea got to her feet, but I smacked her in the shoulder with the chair.
“FUCK YOU!!!!!!” I screamed at her as Chelsea collapsed to her knees in agony, crying some more. Andrea began to crawl toward her.
“Get away from her Andrea…” I warned her. “GET AWAY FROM HER!”
“NO!” Andrea screamed at me! “Don’t take out your personal life bullshit on us!”
“EXCUSE ME?” I screamed as she tried to protect Chelsea. “YOU DON’T TALK BACK TO ME!”
Andrea could only scream and cower as I began to blast her with a steel chair in the lower back over and over and over again. Andrea was begging me to stop, but in my complete anger, I kept hitting her with the chair until she rolled off of Chelsea. With the chair, I kept stabbing her in the stomach with it.
“STOP IT! STOP IT!” she screamed, but I kept assaulting her. “PLEASE STOP!”
Having had enough of her whining, I threw the chair down and nailed her right in the shoulder and face area.
“You both deserved that! Useless bitches! Toughen up and learn from this because that’s the only way both of you will ever have a glimmer of hope amounting to anything in this business… not that either one of you will anyway…”
I saw tears strolling down Andrea’s face as she lied on her side. I kneeled down next to her and wiped the tears from her face with my index finger before pressing it against my tongue.
“Delicious Andrea tears!” I said with a remorseless laugh as I slid out of the ring and left both of my proteges bruised, battered and traumatized…
Present Day
Hearing Chelsea tell that story from her perspective brought nothing but chills down my spine.
“You destroyed me, Myra…” Chelsea said, not pulling punches. “Because of what you did to Andrea and I, I lost so much confidence in myself as a wrestler and it took me YEARS to recover from that. It was because of you that I devolved to being a joke in professional wrestling after the big faction break up happened. It was because of you that I turned to drugs and went into a downward spiral. Your actions toward me not only shattered my career for a long time… but they completely ruined my life.”
I let out a sigh, completely feeling where she was coming from. A part of me felt like crying because I was really feeling so bad for my former protege.
“There’s no excuse Chelsea…” I admitted as I held her hands, showcasing some of this empathy. “...earlier in my career, while it wasn’t so extreme, I dealt with my fair share of people that abused the hell out of me and psychologically broke me. I took out my insecurities from my career and my personal life out on you and Andrea and none of it is okay. I’m extremely sorry that I caused so much pain for you. I’m extremely sorry that you went down an awful path in your life because of me.”
Chelsea didn’t respond right away, but she was seemingly touched by my apology.
“I’ve waited about four years for you to say that to me… and it means more to me than you could ever know that you did.”
“I’m glad that you’re better now and that you’ve since broken out of Andrea’s shadow.”
“I’m glad that you’re better too. I always felt like… you had all of these issues that made you that way and that you’re not that type of person.”
“Leaving GCW was the best thing that happened to me though…” I admitted. “God, I was so toxic in that place and I was never going to change unless I was out of there. I never told you about the day we ‘mutually parted ways’, did I?”
“You didn’t…”
I took a deep breath, having a story of my own to recount.
August 25, 2018
“Why do I have to talk to you?” I arrogantly said to a lawyer from GCW in his office as we sat down across from each other. “Why can’t Shotgun’s GM just see me face to face? He’s taking this ANONYMOUS GM thing WAY too seriously!”
“That’s his business, Myra…” he said to me.
“But why is he requesting this meeting? What is there to talk about. I’m still one of your biggest stars.”
“You are… yes.”
“You’re going to need me even more after Victoria leaves tonight.”
“Well… about that…”
This hesitance suddenly caused me to raise my eyebrows.
“Victoria is leaving tonight after you wrestle her. But… so are you…”
“WHAT?” I said in a surprised, angry tone of voice. “WHAT?!?!?!?! YOU’RE FIRING ME?!?!?!?”
“I wouldn’t call it a ‘firing’. Sure, it’s a parting of ways but… you’re staying home for the rest of your contract this year. My boss has no interest or intentions of signing you to a new deal.”
“ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHY NOT? You have to understand, SIR, that for the last few years, I’ve been one of GCW’s biggest attractions! I’m the woman that EVERYONE in GCW LOVES to hate. You can’t suddenly decide that you don’t need me anymore!”
“My boss did… and let me tell you why. You are, without question, the most toxic poison on this roster. You’re a horrendous influence on everyone else. The documented abuse of Chelsea LeClair and Andrea Hernandez is not the kind of culture we want to promote in this company. I know that ‘old regimes’ let you get away with so much just because you’re as big of a star as you are and everything. However, we’re putting a stop to that now. Nobody in this locker room likes you. Your toxic behavior would be a welcome addition by subtraction from this roster. It’s not just the torment of your proteges, but the way you treat others in and out of the ring. Even your own husband is sick of you, for god’s sake. You’ve done nothing but create chaos and wreak havoc on the whole company and the whole locker room and your actions have caused us to have excessive medical bills and extraneous repair costs for all the property you damage and all the people you send to the hospital. With all the people you’ve hurt and all the damage you’ve done, give me one reason why we should keep you…”
“I’m Myra Lynwood damn it…”
“So?” the lawyer asked, unimpressed. “You’re done with us after tonight. Once you have your last match, you’re out of here. Are we clear on that?”
“NO! You do NOT get to do this to me! You NEED ME! I’m NOT going to comply with this nonsense! I’m going to be back two weeks from now and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
“Actually, we can, Myra. If you come back in two weeks, we ARE going to fire you and on top of that, we’re going to report all of the backstage abuse you’ve done to Andrea and Chelsea to every viable promotion on the planet and letting them know ALL about your reputation, thus, effectively blacklisting you from ever wrestling again AND… since you’d be fired for cause, you won’t see a cent of your remaining salary.”
Hearing this from the lawyer stunned me and I was even shaking. And yet, I kept up my bravado throughout all of this.
“Or…” he added. “If you comply, you’d effectively resign. We’d pay you a lump sum on the last four months of your contract and as a gesture of goodwill, we won’t spread your dirty laundry all over the business. Resign or be fired, Myra. What will it be.”
I let out a nervous laugh, almost as if I was in denial.
“FINE! After tonight, I QUIT! But FUCK YOU and FUCK THIS COMPANY!”
I got up and stormed out of the office, still acting brave and bad as I slammed the door. But, I went into the bathroom across the hall, locked myself in it, and immediately broke down. The tears flooded my face almost immediately as the news I just went through was hard to handle.
Present Day…
“I was finally held accountable for my actions…” I said to Chelsea. “It was humiliating being let go like that. It was a first for me, but I understand. That changed me, Chels. That’s when I finally understood that there were consequences for my actions. I went to Carnage after that and it just didn’t feel the same. Slowly but surely, my conscience just kept nitpicking at me to be better than what I was in GCW. Ricky dying and Kimberly coming under my care just put that over the top. I just… I didn’t have it in me to be that ‘bad girl’ anymore. If GCW never let go of me, I would’ve never learned my lesson… and the rest they say… is history…”
“I get it, Myra” Chelsea said to me. “Once we’re held accountable, we can only grow and learn from it and… in my heart, I know you have. Everything between us is water under the bridge now. I can’t hold on to this anger in my heart for you anymore, especially with how much I’ve grown myself. So… whatever happened… it’s forgiven and I hold no ill will toward it anymore.”
“Thanks, Chelsea.” I told her with a confident smile. “You’ve got a great heart!”
“As do you…” she was quick to remind me. “... and I hope that’s something you never forget again.”
“I promise you that I won’t…” I said as we stood up and exchanged a forgiving embrace. Chelsea left the dinner we had together after that and my heart had that warm feeling again. It wasn’t just Chelsea’s forgiveness, but it was the fact that finally, I got to begin the forgiveness process with myself in regards to GCW and how I completely screwed up that portion of my career…
Later that night…
“For every action… there is a consequence…”
I said this to the camera as it turned on inside of my Saxon suite. I was remaining strong and confident. The Internet Championship wasn’t with me as the focus, obviously, was on the tournament.
“It didn’t click with me for so many years after I started in this business and even then, it wasn’t until I got to SCW that I finally mastered the concept and even then, it took me until my second match here. I called Bobbie Dahl out for a lot of things when I walked in the door and when I had my second match against her and I obviously angered her to the point where she came in and kicked my ass. I hate to admit that, but that’s precisely what happened. That’s when that light bulb finally turned on for me and ever since then, every match I’ve fought, I’ve realized the full scope of what that truly means and what it means to have a hell of a clean slate. And ironically enough, Amber, that really began when we had our one on one match last summer. I’m not going to brag about that win, Amber, I’ll get that part out of the way. I won’t recount everything you said, but there were some things you said about me then that were harsh, but true. Of course, I couldn’t expect anything less. I can’t speak for you, but I’m not coming into this match with the mindset of bragging about the win and saying “I’ve done it once, I’ll do it again”. That’d be really ridiculous of me to do so knowing how good you are. I know that on paper, the odds aren’t in our favor. You and Despayre have been one of the heavy favorites from the word go and you’ve both done some great things getting through this tournament. You got through Candy and that’s great, but I want to talk about the other match for a bit… you know, Mark Cross and Krystal Wolfe…
With Mark on the male side, Despayre had to handle it and he did, but Krystal? What happened there? Were you looking past her? Sure, you defeated her in the end and that worked out well for you, but Krystal was incredibly motivated to beat you and at the end of the day, she gave you a harder fight then you asked for. She challenged you better than you thought she would. She surprised you, didn’t she? Krystal nearly caught you looking too far ahead, but fortunately for you, you won. That HAS been a recurring theme for you Amber, when it comes to looking ahead. I wouldn’t be surprised if you really DID look past me to SOME extent because you were so transfixed on Roxi at the time. Are you looking past this match again? I mean, look around you. You’re caught up in a lot of shit. Just with THIS match, the fact that you and Mac are on opposite sides HAS to be fucking with your mind somehow considering the love you two have for each other. On top of that, you’ve got an upcoming world championship match at Blaze of Glory with Crystal and you’ve had all of the insanity happening with her in recent weeks with how chaotic that world title picture has become. Are you thinking ahead to that, already, Amber?
Is there a piece of you that is already stressing about the possibility that you have to wrestle two matches in one night at Blaze of Glory? If you and Despayre win this match, you’ve got the finals of this tournament AND the world title match. That’s going to be a LOT for you to handle should you advance past us. But, not to worry. I know in my heart that even with the odds stacked against us, Mac and I will find a way to win. You know how? It’s not just because I know how to beat YOU specifically, but because I know how to beat someone LIKE you… and that’s because earlier in my career, I was the same way. I know every impulse, every whim, every thought that goes through the head of someone with your mentality. Ever since you’ve come to SCW, you’ve been dominant, yes. You’ve been successful, nobody will disagree with you on that… but it’s that same dominance that is your downfall. It results in you going at such breakneck speed all the time that you don’t know when to turn off the damn off switch. You know what that leads to, Amber? It leads to you eventually breaking down to the point of not being able to handle the pressure anymore.
That breakneck speed that I’m talking about is ALL reflected in your actions.
What you put Roxi through doing your months on end with her? Well documented.
The way you’re handling the whole Christina Rose situation is so notorious that I don’t need to recap it word for word, episode by episode and you may think that all of your actions that you put in that ring are a good thing. You may think, somewhere in your warped mind, that the end justifies the means in getting you to where you want to be in this business. Have you ever considered the consequences of your actions though, Amber? Have you ever sat down before you ever did anything in an SCW ring and ever thought ‘hey, maybe I shouldn’t do this because this may come back to bite me in the ass later’? Have you ever sat down after the fact, for any of the things that you’ve done in this company, particularly those that have hurt other people and regretted anything that you’ve done? Have you ever admitted that they were wrong? I already know that the answer to those questions is no, because again, I used to think like you.
Consequences be damned! The end justifies the means! Yeah, I get it because that was my mindset in GCW as I tormented and tortured other people as I did the fucked up things that I did to other people while I manipulated and cheated my way to the top. Like you, I didn’t give a shit. I figured that I was doing whatever I needed to do in order to get to where I felt like I was entitled to be in this business. I never considered the consequences of my actions because honestly, I didn’t care. I never thought about how I’d be scarring someone like Andrea for years. I never considered how I destroyed my own marriage. I never once thought about how putting my career above all else and going at that breakneck speed would affect the relationship with my daughter. All I cared about was getting to the top by any means necessary and while you don’t have the EXACT SAME attitude, I noticed the similarities. Even AFTER you get some comeuppance, you just keep coming back, not giving a damn.
Roxi defeating you barely slowed you down as you came back to beat her at High Stakes.
But are you SURE you want to piss off someone like Christina considering the notorious temper that she has? Did you even SEE what she did to Andrea at High Stakes? Again, these are things that you never consider because you’re just focused on being in the moment and doing business as usual.
I guess what I really need to ask you is… are all the bridges you’re burning worth it? Is becoming one of the most hated women in SCW and alienating yourself from the whole locker room worth how you carry yourself? Take it from someone who burned her bridges in Carnage and in GCW… it wasn’t.
Oh sure, I burned the bridges that I did in the former company just to get a world title shot… one which I didn’t win. I burned all the bridges that I did in the latter company and I actually GOT that world title and even THEN? It wasn’t worth it. It still wasn’t good enough for me. And this tournament for me is one way for me to ensure that the world title I won in GCW isn’t my last world title of my career because I’m NOT proud of how I won that title. There will come a day, Amber, where you will face up to what you’re doing. There will be a day where someone gives you that big “oh shit, I fucked up” moment that you desperately need. You’re one of the hardest working women on the roster and that I can respect, always have, always will even if I don’t agree with your particular attitude toward things. I already know how the story ends for you Amber, regardless of Blast from the Past. You either go into Blaze of Glory, have your world title match, lose, get pissed for about two days, and then come back with the same old attitude continuing to pile up your own rap sheet or you win that world title, bask in the glow for about what? Five minutes? And you’re STILL not happy and you’re STILL not celebrating this longer than those five minutes because again, back to the grind.
I mean… unless I’ve missed something somewhere… the only time I’ve ever seen you even SMIRK since you’ve been in SCW is whenever you’ve made someone else suffer.
I get that life because I’ve lived it… and again… it’s just not worth it. Hopefully you see that light one day. Hopefully you come to terms with things and see the truths that I have. But knowing where you come from and knowing how to overcome it, and knowing how much I’ve grown since our last encounter being able to do what I’ve done with my Internet title reign against all comers gives me an advantage over you that many people are overlooking. You’ll have that day of reckoning… but I know that day won’t be Sunday regardless of the outcome and it probably won’t be me that delivers that to you.
On Sunday, I’ll once again be facing someone that knows deep down that they haven’t lived up to their own hype even for being as dominant that they’ve been. I’m not saying you haven’t… what I’m saying is… I don’t think you feel like you have. I’m facing someone who knows she HAS to have this match, who HAS to have that world title at Blaze of Glory… otherwise…
Well…
That may be a whole lot of soul searching you’re not ready for yet, Amber.
It sucks having to look in the mirror and seeing how flawed you are and knowing that you have a whole lot more of yourself to fix then what you initially thought you would need to fix.
It’s a tough life to live with that mindset, Amber. And I’m just as grateful as I am that I am no longer living in that mindset as I am far from envious of you that you’re in that mindset yourself.
So keep being ‘that bitch’, Amber. Keep riding the wave. Keep going at breakneck speed. See where that takes you. For every action, there’s a consequence… and that’s the lesson you, more than anyone else on this roster not named Andrea Hernandez, needs to know more than any other lesson you need to learn.
And Sunday?
That consequence is Mac and I advancing to the finals at your expense!
Poised and confident, and not regretting what I felt is a spoken truth, I stood up to turn off the camera, afterward taking a deep breath knowing that the next fight on my redemption path in this tournament was going to be my toughest one yet.
