[Alexis Edwards]

 Sunday April 10th
What You Didn’t See on Blaze of Glory…

We lost.  We...fucking...lost!  I can’t deal with this shit right now.  I can’t be here anymore.  I can’t be in Phoenix one second longer so I’m fucking leaving.

Now.

Not later.  Not after the show ends.

Now.

Celeste isn’t happy with me, and neither is Tim, because I’m rushing around getting my stuff together.  My midsection still hurts following that spear from Keira, but I don’t really give a shit right now.  I’m ignoring any of the pains shooting through my abdomen, or even a little higher into my ribcage, because none of that matters right now.  This whole trip to Phoenix has been what I fully expected it to be.

A complete disaster.

Tim is standing outside the Bombshell locker room waiting for me and Celeste.  I’m not even paying attention to her as I gather my things and just toss them into my duffel bag, but I can feel her eyes practically burning a hole through me.

Celeste: Lex, you seriously need to chill out.  I know we lost, but we’ll get--

I narrow my eyes and they fall directly on hers as I sling the strap of my duffel bag over my shoulder.

Lex: It doesn’t matter right now, C.  We’ll never live this loss down, and we sure as shit won’t get another shot at Roxi and Keira.  Just give it up.

Celeste: Where are you doing?  The show isn’t even over yet.

I laugh and shake my head.

Lex: I really don’t care.  I can’t be here any longer than I already have been, so I’m heading to the airport and getting the fuck back to Las Vegas.

Celeste: You’re joking, right?  Connor’s match is coming up in a little bit!  He needs us here to support him!

I take a few steps towards the door, and Celeste.

Lex: He’ll have you and Tim here for him.  Me being here won’t do anything for Connor, C.  If anything, me being here in Phoenix is a fucking curse, so it’s best that I just get the hell out of here as soon as I can.

Celeste rolls her eyes at me.  I stare at her, waiting for her to step aside, but it doesn’t look like she’s going to oblige me.  I let out a sigh and just as I’m about to tell her to move, she takes a step to the side.

Celeste: Do what you have to do, Lex, but if Connor wins the title tonight and you weren’t here to see it, that’s on you.

Lex: He’ll understand, C.  I’ll catch up with you guys in a few days, alright?

She just shrugs her shoulders at me in response and I open the door and step out into the hall.  Tim is leaning against the wall waiting for me, and considering the match he was supposed to have tonight, he’s lucky to be standing here right now.  I never thought I’d say this, but thankfully his dad was there.  When I walk out of the locker room, he looks straight at me with a pleading look in his eyes, but I shake my head before he can get a word out.

Lex: Please don’t try and talk me out of leaving, Tim, because Celeste already tried.

Tim: You really don’t need to rush out of here like this, Lex.  And you shouldn’t.  You know what kind of shit people will be talking when they find out?

I shake my head and shrug.

Lex: I don’t care.  Let them talk shit all they want.  This whole week has been fucking messed up, Tim.  I just want to get back home to Vegas and forget about this whole week.

Tim: What about Connor?

Lex: Tell him I said good luck.  If he gets pissed at me for leaving, then fine.  I’ll just have to accept that and find a way to make it up to him.  But right now, I need to leave.

Tim: Fine.  I’ll go with you then.

He tries to rush down the hall to the men’s locker room to get his things, but I grab his hand and pull him back.  He turns and looks at me, confused, but I shake my head at him.

Lex: No.  You need to stay here with Celeste and support Connor.  Let me know when you get back to Vegas tomorrow and we’ll meet up.  Okay?

He doesn’t seem keen to go along with this and soon Celeste appears behind us.  She leans against the door frame and folds her arms across her chest.

Tim: Lex, I really don’t--

I quickly cut him off as I grab his face and bring my lips to his.  I can almost hear Celeste rolling her eyes as she turns her attention away while I kiss Tim.  A few moments later, I back away, and I can tell I caught TIm slightly off guard.

Lex: Relax, Tim.  I’ll be fine.  I’m not going to do anything stupid, and I’ll see you tomorrow

Tim: Oookay…

Celeste and I acknowledge each other one last time before I rush off down the hall, heading towards the exit to the parking lot.  A part of me feels bad, but at the same time, the longer I stay in Phoenix, the worse it will be for everyone.  The worse it will be for me.  I see the exit door just up ahead and I immediately feel a calm wash over me knowing that I’ll be out of Phoenix soon.  

Boy was I wrong, because the second I burst through door and to the parking lot outside, I skid to a halt as a stretch limousine is parking just several feet ahead of me, with the driver, wearing a suit and tie and all, is standing by the back passenger seat door, and he’s look directly at me.

Driver: Alexis Edwards?

I scratch my head, looking around confused.

Lex: Uhhh...yeah?  That’s me?

He opens the door for me.

Driver: I was instructed to pick you up this evening.

Lex: Uhhh, thanks but I’ve already called myself a cab.  I don’t do the whole limo thing…

Driver: Please, miss.  I insist.  Everything has already been paid for so you can save the money you would have spend with a taxi service.

He’s very patient with me as he waits for me to take a seat in the back of the limo.  I mull it over for a while and just as the taxi I called for pulls into the parking lot and directly behind the limo, I shrug and go along with it.

Lex: Fuck it.  I’m only going to the airport anyway.

I walk closer to the limo as the driver offers me a friendly smile.  Before I slide into the backseat, I look up at him.

Lex: These things come with complimentary drinks, right?

Driver: Of course, miss.  Champagne, soda or water if you wish.

Lex: Fucking sweet!  I’m in.

I really should have thought this decision through because as soon as I slide into the back of the limo and the driver closes the door, I roll my eyes at the other passenger.  I really shouldn’t be surprised to see Riley seated a little further down with a big smile on her face and a bottle of Smart water in her hand.

Riley: Hi, sis!

I roll my eyes and let out a sigh.

Lex: I should have known.  So...what’s with the limo?

The driver pulls away from the parking lot, and if I’m going to have to suffer through this car ride with my sister, I’m going to need that bottle of champagne.  I reach towards the cooler and pull the bottle out of the ice.  Luckily it’s already open, so I don’t need to fight with it, and I don’t even bother to grab one of the glasses as I just bring the bottle to my lips, tilt my head back and tag a big swig.  I spill some of it and Riley just stares at me with a laugh.

Riley: Well, I was hoping to pick you up after your match to celebrate a win.  I’m really sorry that you and your friend lost tonight.  I know how important this match--

Lex: No, Riley.  You don’t.  Please stop pretending like you know how important anything is to me in wrestling.  And, please, stop trying to buy my love because it’s not working.

I take another swig of the champagne, surprisingly enjoying the bubbly goodness, and Riley takes a drink of her Smart water before she puts it into the cup holder next to her.

Riley: I’m not trying to buy your love, Alexis.  The driver didn’t force you into the limo, did he?  I didn’t force you, did I?

I go silent for a while, not speaking a word as I enjoy the champagne, already having consumed half the bottle.  As tempted as I am to finish off the bottle in such a short amount of time, I ease back on the booze for the moment and look out the tinted windows, but I’m not even thinking of where we’re going.

Lex: Why can’t you just do what I say, Riley?  Obey my damn wishes and leave me alone for once.

Riley: Because I don’t think it’s what you really want, Alex.  You know the connection we have as twins.  If I thought it was what you really wanted, I’d walk away.

I shake my head and sigh again.

Lex: Really?  So the fact that I’m asking you repeatedly to leave me alone means nothing to you?  And sorry, Riley, but I’ve never bought into that twin ESP bullshit like you have.

She laughs.

Riley: Maybe because you’re not as open to the thought of it as I am.  Whether you’ve felt it or not, doesn’t mean that I haven’t.  Call it weird all you want, but I can always feel what you’re feeling in a way.  It’s why I’ve been fighting to be back in your life for the past several months.  Because I know you’ve been troubled for so long.

I try to tune her out as best as I can and I take another big swig of the champagne.  It’s not hard liquor, but it does the trick for now.

Lex: You know, if that were true Riley, you wouldn’t be so happy go lucky all the time.  If you could truly feel what I feel, you wouldn’t be in such a great mood all the time.  That shit really annoys me.  But, hey, you’d get along great with Roxi Johnson and just about everyone else in SCW.  Since they all hate me so much.

She frowns and shakes her head.

Riley: They don’t hate you, Alex.  They hate your attitude, and honestly, I can’t say I don’t blame them.  I hate your attitude, also.

I roll my eyes.

Lex: You’re not helping your case any, Riley.

Riley: I said your attitude, Alex.  How can you expect anyone to like such a miserable attitude?

Lex: Riley...Please, please, please stop calling me Alex!

She sighs and shakes her head.

Riley: Why?  It’s our thing!  I call you Alex, and you call me Ri.  I’m not going to just stop.

Lex: That was back when I could actually stand to be around you.  Back when we were somewhat like sisters!

The taste of the champagne is suddenly starting to get to me so I put the cork back in the bottle and put it back on the ice.  I look out the window again, vaguely becoming aware that we’re nowhere near the airport, but before I can bring it up, Riley responds to my last sort of insult.

Riley: And I’m trying to do everything I can to get us back to that, Alex.  Why don’t you--

I hold my hand up, hushing her.

Lex: Whoa, whoa, whoa...Riley...Whyaren’t you taking me to the airport?  More importantly, why the fuck are we at the country club?!

The country club.  The place where our parents threw us “our” grand eighteenth birthday party two years ago.  Except it wasn’t for the both of us.  It was all about Riley, because everyone that attended were all about her!  None of my family’s friends have ever liked me.  Why Riley would think I would ever want to come back to here is beyond me.  It’s full of nothing but hot shot bitches and assholes who think their shit don’t stink!  My parents included!

Riley: Look, you left Phoenix on bad terms and your homecoming hasn’t exactly been much better, so--

Lex: So what?!  Riley, what did you do?!

I’m starting to freak out a little as the limo comes to a stop just outside the entrance to the country club.  I spot someone walking up to the door on my side of the limo, but I turn my attention to Riley, now furious with her.  I hate surprises, but she seems to have forgotten that as she has an eager smile on her face.

Riley: I just wanted to do something for you to try and make up for everything that has happened.  I wanted you to love Phoenix again, because it’s our home, sis.

Before I have a chance to respond, the door opens.  I’m reluctant to even go along with this, but Riley urges me to get out of the limo.  Whoever opened the door for me clears his throat and I let out a growl and slide out of the car.  I half expect to see my father greeting me, but I’m left stunned to find someone else I know.  Someone else I hated more than my father up until a few days ago.

“Hello, Alexis.”

Lex: Aaron?!

Yes, Aaron.  My ex-boyfriend, Aaron.  The same ex-boyfriend who was apparently dating me and my sister at the same time.  The asshole actually has a friendly smile on his face!

Aaron: I know I’m probably the last person you--

I completely ignore him and turn to face Riley as she gets out of the limo behind me.  I make sure she knows just how pissed off I am and for some reason I don’t even understand yet, she steps in between me and Aaron.

Lex: What the FUCK is going on here, Riley?!  Why is this piece of shit here?!

Aaron: Alexis, please just calm down for a second, okay?

I turn back to Aaron, giving him the most malicious look I can muster, because right now I’m so pissed off I could probably murder him and not feel bad about it.

Lex: Don’t you tell me to fucking calm down you low life piece of shit!!!  Did either of you think I’d suddenly be all peachy fucking keen even after four years?!?!

Riley: Alex, please just let me explain!

Aaron: I wanted the chance to apologize for everything that I did to you, Alexis.

I’m so appalled that he even has the audacity to try and apologize to me that I start laughing.  I’m laughing so hard that my gut starts to hurt and Riley and Aaron just stare at me confused for a few moments until I manage to calm down.  Once I stop laughing, I look at both of them very seriously.

Lex: Fuck you both.

I turn away from them, prepared to start walking away from the country club, but it’s Aaron who grabs my hand and tries to stop me.  Big mistake, because my reaction is about to hit him where it hurts.  I bring my leg back and deliver a vicious dick kick.  He first drops to his knees before he face plants, groaning from the pain and Riley looks on in horror.

Lex: Don’t fucking touch me ever again, asshole!  You can fuck my sister all you want, and something tells me that is exactly what is going on here, but I really don’t care anymore.

Riley drops down to check on Aaron, and judging by the amount of concern on her face, I know I’m right about them hooking up now, but I just laugh and shake my head.

Lex: Better get him plenty of ice, Riley.  I kicked him hard enough to send his balls back into his scrotum for a long, long, long time.  Hope you got a good battery operated boyfriend, because he’ll be useless for quite a while.  Not that his dick was ever good for anything, anyway.

Riley: You’re always going to hold a grudge, aren’t you, Alexis?  Are you ever going to learn how to forgive anyone?

I laugh and shake my head again.

Lex: What’s the point?  It’s so much more satisfying being angry all the fucking time, because being happy has never gotten me anywhere.

Riley: For your sake, Alexis, I truly hope something changes your view on life.  It’s not even worth trying to help you anymore, because you’re just too damn miserable no matter what I do.

Lex: And it’s all because of you, Mom and Dad, Riley.  Just remember that.  My misery is your fucking fault!

I turn on my heels and start walking away from the country club.  I hear Aaron groaning some more and I have a sick smile on my face, proud of what I’ve done, but as I get farther away from them I’m suddenly flooded with other emotions...emotions I’m only recently familiar with.  I start running as fast as I can, fighting back tears as I think about how I’m going to get to the airport and out of Phoenix once and for all.



I got back to Las Vegas later than planned thanks to Riley’s unexpected detour.  She really thought she could trick me into going back into the country club and facing God knows who else?!  Especially after bringing Aaron there?!  I thought she was stupid before, but what she did is a whole new level of stupid.  

After my flight landed in Las Vegas, I thought about sneaking over to Staggs Dungeon and get a late night workout in, but I decided against that pretty quickly.  There’s a new night security guard, because after whatever it was, or wasn’t, didn’t happen between Vince and I, he abruptly quit and left Vegas.  I haven’t seen or heard from him since, and that’s probably a good thing.  

So I had the cab driver bring me back to my apartment.  The dingy little place that just gives me a place to call my own, but I haven’t spent enough time here for it to even be worth it yet.  I’m hoping to get some use out of this place over the next couple of weeks before having to head to Japan.  I don’t even want to think about that shit right now, though.  I can’t.

I’m sitting all alone in my completely darkened apartment.  Tim and the others should be back in Vegas by now, and I should have called him earlier.  But I didn’t.  Even thinking about Tim couldn’t stop me from returning to the dark place in my head.  The dark place that I’ve been able to avoid for several weeks now because of Tim.  

Several fresh cuts are now on my legs.  The old wounds were just finally healing and fading into what I had hoped would be the last of the faint scars to line my thighs.  But I guess I was wrong, because the events of the last twenty-four hours pushed me to do this.  And they’re pushing me to want to do worse, because I can’t seem to shut my brain off.

As I’m seated on the floor, leaning against the wall, I stare down at my wrists.  As of right now, they’re untouched.  They’re scar free, but who knows how long they’ll be that way with the mood I’m in.  I have my razor blade in my hand, holding it against my skin, but I’m startled back to reality as my text notification goes off.  I glance down to the floor where I placed my phone and quickly see that Celeste has sent me a message.  I half expected Tim to be the first to try and get a hold of me, so I ignore the text for now, returning to my miserable state once again.

Lex: What am I waiting for?  Not like people don’t know about my little secret anyway…

Yeah, I’m talking to myself.  Maybe it’ll help.  Maybe it won’t.  I don’t give a shit.  All I know is that right now I’m too tempted to do something that could be really fucking amazing...or really fucking stupid.  I press the blade against my wrist a little bit harder this time, and once again, my text notification steals my attention away.  I roll my eyes and grab my phone, deciding to see what the hell Celeste wants.

“We need to talk.  Meet at Staggs Dungeon?”

“Helllllooo?  Lex?!  Where the fuck are you?!

I shake my head and as tempted as I am to ignore her again, I have to respond somehow otherwise she’ll just keep bugging me.

“Don’t worry about it, C.  Just leave me alone.”

I quickly send the message and set my phone back down on the floor, hoping that she’ll listen to me and just leave me alone.  I lean my head back against the wall and bring the razor blade back to my wrist and close my eyes, thinking this through carefully.  But the second I close my eyes, I’m flooded with the events of the last two weeks.  Being arrested and sitting in the jail cell for days.  A less than happy family reunion.  Losing to Team Hero and then ending the trip off with coming face to face with the asshole who fucked me over in every sense of the word.  

I feel my eyes well up with tears and I can feel a panic attack coming on as I fight to catch my breath.  A few moments later, Celeste texts me back, but I can’t look at the message, or any message.  I can’t talk to Celeste right now.  I don’t want to.  As close as I am to actually doing something I told myself I’d never do, I quickly realize I can’t this time and I bring the blade back to my legs and make another fresh cut.  It temporarily works to take all of my emotions away and I take in a few deep breaths.  

I sit like this for what seems like hours until I hear pounding on my door and it snaps me out of my relaxed state.  I shake my head and look towards the door as more pounding follows.

Celeste: Lex?!  Lex, I know you’re in there!  Quit ignoring me!  We need to talk!  It’s important!

I let out a sigh and shake my head again, but I stay quiet.  She’ll eventually give up and think I’m not home and try to find me somewhere else.  Or at least I hope she will.  Unfortunately, she keeps at it.

Celeste: Come on, Lex!  Quit being a little bitch and let me in!  I’ll break down the door if you don’t!

I let out a quiet laugh and a few moments later, I hear one of my neighbors open their door and start showing at Celeste.  The two argue back and forth for a few moments before Celeste tells him to get fucked and his door slams shut again.  For a second I think she’s going to leave, but a loud thud against the door makes me realize, that’s not gonna happen.  A couple more thuds later and Celeste breaks into my apartment.  The light from the hallway shines inside and she sees me sitting against the wall.

Celeste: Fucking hell, Lex?!  What are you--

Her eyes fall on my legs, exposed by the shorts that I’m wearing.  She sees the fresh cuts on my legs and she rolls her eyes and closes the door behind her.  She slowly walks over to me, and I think she wants to smack me upside my head, but instead she just slowly sits down on the floor next to me.

Celeste: Tell me you’re not slicing and dicing yourself because we lost to Team Bimbo?

I stare ahead and say absolutely nothing.  The fact is, that is only a small part of my problem, and I really don’t know how to explain myself to her.  She lets out a sigh and shakes her head.

Celeste: Fuck, Lex!  It’s not the end of the damn world!  I didn’t want to lose to them either, but you don’t see me tossing back a bottle of pills or some shit because of it!

I turn my head slowly and just glare at her.  I stay quiet for a few moments before I let out another sigh, still holding the razor blade in my hand.

Lex: That’s only a small part of my problem, C.  Just..don’t worry about it, alright?

Celeste: How the hell can you tell me not to worry about it when you were ignoring my text messages and you’re sitting here in the dark in your dingy apartment with fresh cuts on your leg?!

Lex: I like the quiet right now.  Helps me think.

She lets out a laugh, but I can tell it’s not an amused one.

Celeste: Yeah, it apparently helps you think about the wrong shit.  What’s going on?

I shake my head, thinking about the answer to that question.  So much is going on.  So much fucked up shit inside my head, I doubt Celeste even wants me to answer that honestly.

Lex: I’m just...sick of everything, C.  These past couple weeks have been nothing but a nightmare.  I don’t know what the fuck I ever did to deserve a shit life like this but…

Celeste: But nothing, Lex.  Forget all the bullshit.  Quit dwelling on everything that’s gone wrong and just...enjoy life for once.  Don’t take this the wrong way, but quit being such a whiny bitch and move on!

I turn and glare at her again.  I want to say something in response...anything that will defend myself, but she doesn’t give me that chance.

Celeste: Look, you’re like the annoying little sister that I never wanted.  You drive me bat shit crazy sometimes, but that’s not gonna stop me from having your back.  You find something to complain about every damn day, and even I have to admit it’s getting a little old, but I’m here to smack some sense into you.

Lex: What’s the fucking point, C?  Everyone hates me.  They always have.  They always will.  You probably hate me because I couldn’t stop Roxi from pinning you.

She shakes her head laughs.

Celeste: That ain’t your fault, Lex.  It’s that stupid bitch, Keira.

I roll my eyes.

Lex: Yeah, and now she’s talking shit all over Twitter putting herself on some damn undeserved pedestal because of it.  It’s like she got the fucking pin and not Roxi.  I really fucking hate that bitch, C.

Celeste: That’s Keira Fisher for ya, though.  She thinks she’s God’s gift to, well, everything.  Always running around thinking she’s unbeatable.

Lex: And she thinks that I can’t beat her when the bitch has never even pinned me in the first place.  I’ve had to face her twice in tag team matches, and both times walked away on the losing end, but, no offense, I wasn’t the one getting pinned either time.

She laughs again, but I really can’t share her amusement.  The whole situation has me royally fucked in the head.

Lex: I just can’t handle this shit anymore, C.  As much as I fight with people on Twitter and complain about all the bullshit, I’m just...tired.  I’m tired of fighting.

Celeste: But you continue to fight...and not just with other people.  Shit, you fight your way through life and that says something.

I look at her, slightly confused.

Celeste: You know what I think you should do?  About the Keira situation, I mean?

I shake my head.

Lex: No.  What?

Celeste: Fucking prove her wrong!  Demand a match against her, one-on-one at the next show!  Shut the bitch up once and for all, because when it comes down to it, Keira ain’t shit without Roxi carrying her ass in every single match.  And she knows it.

I let out a sigh and shake my head.

Lex: I don’t know, C.  I shouldn’t even bother.  Let the bitch think--

Celeste: I’m serious, Lex.  Call Mark or Christian and have them book the damn match, because you know as well as I do that you CAN beat that bitch in a singles match.  Do you really want her to keep running around with that fucking attitude she has and YOU get painted out to be the bad guy?

Lex: Fuck no!  But, even if...Sorry when I beat that bitch, she’ll find some excuse and call it a fluke or some shit like everyone else does.  And besides, her and Roxi still have the damn Bombshell tag titles.

I take in a deep breath and look back to the razor blade still in my hand.  As I stare at it, Celeste notices and she finally smacks it out of my hand.

Celeste: Who the fuck cares?  Let them think those titles matter.  We both know they don’t, and as much as I wouldn’t have minded us being the tag champs, you know what would have happened the second we won them.  People would say that we killed the division when in reality it’s all on fucking Team Hero.  I’m not gonna let you sit here wallowing in your fucking self pity and going back to slicing yourself again.  I’m not gonna sit here and have to worry about you, too.

Wait...what?  Me, too?  I raise my eyebrow curiously.

Lex: What do you mean you’re not gonna worry about me too?  Who else do you have to worry about?

I see her bite her bottom lip, almost reluctant to tell me right now, but I can sense something is wrong.

Celeste: I don’t know if I should even tell you right now with the mood you’re in.  It’s why I was trying to get a hold of you in the first place.

Lex: C, just tell me what the fuck is going on.  Is...is something going on with Tim?  Is that why he hasn’t called me yet?

She just looks me in the eye and I can tell she’s holding something back.  I narrow my eyes, just demanding she tell me with one look and she takes in a deep breath.

Celeste: Alright, I’ll tell you, but you better fucking promise me you won’t go for that razor blade after I tell you.

I quickly stand up and walk over to where the razor blaze landed.  I reach down, pick it up and walk over to one of the windows.  I open the window and toss it out to the ground below before I shut the window and turn around to face here again.

Lex: Happy?  Now just tell me what the fuck is going on with Tim…

Celeste nods and then slowly gets back to her feet.  I’ve got an awful feeling that I don’t really want to know what’s going on with Tim, but...I have to know.  Fuck my problems…



The Roasting Of Keira Fisher-Johnson
Sasebo Sports Bunka Hall
Nagasaki, Japan

It’s a cool night in Nagasaki.  About sixty degrees fahrenheit, which is the perfect night for what I have planned.  You see, I had tried to get into the Sasebo Sports Bunka Hall earlier when I got to Nagasaki, but the damn doors were locked and no one would let me in.  Couple that with the fact I don’t really have the patience to try and check into a hotel when I don’t speak a word of Japanese, I got a bit of an idea.  It took me a while to find what I needed but...here I am.

I’ve set up shop just outside the Sasebo Sports Bunka Hall.  Yeah, you heard me.  How, you might ask?  Well, take a look at my ingenious plan.  I managed to find a tent and some pillows and blankets so I’m all set to camp outside the venue until Sunday.  Normally, I wouldn’t do this type of thing, but hey...It’s only a little over twenty-four hours away so I think I can manage.  Too bad Tim’s not here because this coulda been a fun night.

Annnnnyway...I set up the tent just outside the Hall and set up the blankets and pillows just inside.  This beats sleeping in some shitty hotel any night of the week, but I’ve got something else planned, which is why I asked for an SCW camera crew to be here.  They arrived just in time, because I’m just starting to set up my little campfire outside my tent.

Cameraman: Uhh...what are you doing?

I think I’ve caught him off guard with my little setup here.  I have a stick in my hand and a little action figure in the other as my campfire gets going, and I look up to him with a smile.  Yes...a smile, assholes.

Lex: Don’t worry about it.  Just get the damn camera rolling and shut the fuck up.  If I wanted to answer questions, I would have asked for Big Tits one or two to be here, but I didn’t.

He just shrugs at me as he sets up the tripod and the camera soon after.  I tie the action figure around the stick, quietly laughing to myself, because what I’m about to do is going to be fun as hell.  It takes a little while, but the cameraman finally gets everything set up.

Cameraman: Alright, Alexis.  You should be good to go.

I take in a deep breath and look up just as he points to me and I see the little red dot light up on the camera, signalling we’re rolling.

Lex: I’m not too sure just how many of you are watching this, but I really don’t give a shit, because you see...I only want one person to see what I’m about to do.  Only one person matters, because she’s the unlucky bitch that I’m facing Sunday on Climax Control just inside this building you see behind me.

I point to the Sasebo Sports Bunka Hall behind me.  I laugh and nod my head, already guessing what people are thinking.

Lex: Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know what some of you are probably thinking.  I’m a little early to the show, right?  Take a look around me, people, because there’s a fucking reason for that!

The camera zooms out just a little so people can get a good view of my lovely little camp.  It zooms back in on me and my wicked smile and I hold up the stick for everyone to see.

Lex: You see this, people?  Do you see what I have here in my hand?

I point to the action figure that I tied to the stick.  I glare at the cameraman quickly, barking my next order at him.

Lex: Zoom the fucking camera in on this, dude!  Because I doubt you’ve done it…

He rolls his eyes but nods his head, signalling he’s done as I’ve ordered him to do.  Once the camera is zoomed in on the action figure, I’m sure everyone can get a good look at just who the action figure is.



I let out a laugh, just imagining the response in my head.

Lex: Just in case you people can’t tell, this here is Keira Fisher-Johnson.  Complete with her World Bombshell Tag Team Title!  Isn’t she just lovely?!

I shake my head and roll my eyes, as my sarcasm should have given away that was just a rhetorical question.  The camera zooms back out a little as I look towards the Keira action figure, then to the fire in front of me and I laugh again.

Lex: You see, just a little while ago, I got this brilliant idea.  All week, I’ve been waiting for this match.  Hell, I’ve been waiting for this match for a lot longer than just a week, but I’ve tried to keep quiet on Twitter for much of this week because let’s face it, I knew everything I said or did, Keira would somehow use against me.  That, and honestly, I wanted to save all my energy for Sunday, because I am looking forward to nothing more than ripping Keira apart all over the six-sided ring.

I keep my eyes locked on the Keira action figure, spinning the stick around in my hand as I think quietly for a moment.

Lex: Sunday is when I literally get to rip Keira apart.  Sunday is when nothing will be standing in my way.  Speaking of which, big thanks to Christian Underwood for making this one no outside interference, because regardless of what Keira thinks, that’s only going to work in my favor and not against it.

I twirl the stick in my hand again, and dangle it ever so close to the fire with a wicked smile on my face.

Lex: But tonight...tonight I’m going to rip Keira apart in a figurative way and a symbolic way, because I wanted to have a little fun.  So tonight...I give to you people...The Roasting Of Keira Fisher Johnson!

I reach behind me, pulling out another contraption that I put together for tonight.  A roasting spit.  You know, those things that sit over an open fire so you can cook your food?  Anyway, I put the stick in the contraption, aligning the Keira action figure just over the fire and I slowly start to turn it around.

Lex: I think this goes without saying, but over the next few minutes, I’m going to list all of the reasons I hate Keira Fisher Johnson, all while I slowly watch her melt to death.  I wish it could be the real Keira, but I’m pretty sure the stench coming from her melting flesh would do more damage than an atomic bomb being dropped on Japan.  Ouch...was that a little harsh?

I let out a chuckle, not really giving a shit who I offend as I continue to turn the stick, watching the plastic start to melt.

Lex: For months...MONTHS...Keira has been a painful thorn in my side, but it’s about time I fucking get rid of her and shut her up.  Regardless of what she says, or how high and mighty she is, A LOT of people have been begging me to do just that.  I’ve been begging myself to do just that.  So...it’s time.

I pick up the stick for a moment as the plastic starts to melt a little faster and I want to take my time.  I want this to be a slow process, just like I want Keira to suffer very...slowly.

Lex: So here goes.  Reason number one on why I hate Keira Fisher Johnson, and it’s one of the more recent reasons added to my long list.  Keira and Roxi are always hyping themselves as such valiant superheros, right?  They talk about how they’re here to help people and how they’re such good people?  Alright, I can give that much to Roxi, because her cheery fucking attitude never waivers no matter what you do to her, but Keira?  That bitch is such a fucking fraud and she’s been known to have an even bigger temper than me!  Pot calling the kettle black much, Keira?

I lower the action back into the fire again, letting Keira’s head melt for a moment.

Lex: And here’s the thing...they’re supposed to be friends with Despayre, right?  Well...at least Roxi is. Let me ask all of you people this...Where the FUCK have Keira and Roxi been during all this shit with Crystal treating Despayre like shit?  Oh...that’s right...Inviting the bitch to their second wedding!  I’m guessing that was all Keira’s doing because she has some secret fantasy of turning Crystal into a lesbian.  She’s probably expecting some fucked up lesbian threesome with Roxi and Crystal.  Keira is so fucking into herself, she really thinks that everyone secretly wants to have sex with her.  Get the fuck over yourself, Keira!  I don’t even know why your WIFE would want to have sex with you!

I pull the action figure out of the fire, watching the melted plastic slowly run down the stick.

Lex: If Keira thinks she’s God’s gift to women, all I can say is I hope to fuck God has an exchange counter, because Keira is such a fucking slut, her vagina should be in the NFL Hall of Fame for being the greatest wide-receiver!

I hear the cameraman let out a laugh at that one, and a huge grin grows on my face.

Lex: Like that one?  Oh, I’ve got a lot more where that came from.  How about this one?  What do Keira Fisher Johnson and a horse have in common?  They both stand there and give free rides!

Another laugh from the cameraman, and I nod.

Lex: What’s the difference between Keira Fisher Johnson and a hockey player?

I’m almost reluctant to say this one, but fuck it...Keira deserves everything I’m about to say to about her.

Lex: A hockey player showers after three periods.

I shudder at the thought and the cameraman lets out a loud gag, and I almost think he’s going to puke.  I manage to let out a laugh, even though as gross as it is...Keira’s nastiness is the damn truth.

Lex: Yeah, not such a pretty thought, is it?  Keira Fisher Johnson is so nasty, you could stick a cucumber up her vag and you’d pull out a damn pickle!  She’s been fisted more times than a boxing bag.  That slut has been on more laps than a fucking napkin!

The cameraman momentarily has to step away from the camera as he’s laughing so hard and can barely keep the camera still.  I place the Keira action figure back over the fire and look back into the camera.

Lex: The list goes on and on and on, people.  But, I feel like I need to get a little serious here, because we are in Japan after all.  The land of beautiful temples, and Keira has a lot in common with a temple.  They’re both open to everyone, day or night!

I burst out laughing again, but I hold up my hands slowly trying to calm myself down.  I’m enjoying this way too much, but I’m going to enjoy beating the shit out of Keira even more.

Lex: Alright, alright...I’ll take it easy now.  Because I know when it comes down to it, my words against Keira don’t mean shit.  It all comes down to what’s gonna happen in that ring on Sunday and trust me when I say that Keira has a whole world of hurt coming at her on Sunday.  I know for a fact she’s going to underestimate me and call me a joke or whatever other bullshit she can come up with, but once I have that bitch one on one in that ring?  She’s gonna suffer.

The Keira action figure is almost fully melted now as the plastic drips into the fire and I just keep my eyes locked on it.

Lex: I’m so sick of Keira thinking she’s hot shit and thinking that she’s unbeatable just because her and Roxi are now the longest reigning World Bombshell Tag champs.  Bitch, your WIFE got you there, not you!  Your WIFE is the star of Team Hero, not you!  You’re the biggest fucking fake in Team Hero, and you’re too self absorbed, you can’t even see it.  But I’m sure once I beat you on Sunday, you’ll run back your life on Twitter.  You’ll sit there and tweet your entire love life for everyone to see, even the kids who look up to you, and prove just how disgusting you are.  You know, I don’t know how your love life can be that satisfying if you have to sit there and tweet about what you’d like to do, or what you are doing or blah blah blah.  Seems like you’re trying to CONVINCE people that the two of you are so fucking perfect together, but you’re really not.  On Sunday, Keira, I’m going to prove to everyone...your wife included...why she should kick your filthy ass back to the street corner where I’m guessing she found you, because she really needs to do herself, and the rest of us, a favor and make you disappear.

The last of the plastic melts off of the stick and falls into the fire.  I grab a clean stick just behind me and a bag of marshmallows and I hear the cameraman let out a chuckle again.

Lex: What?  You didn’t honestly think I was going to use the same stick, did you?  That bitch is tainted meat!

I slide a few marshmallows on to the stick and look back into the camera.

Lex: You’re time is up, Keira.  You know, Tommy Knocks was right about one thing on The Hotwire this week.  This is a blood feud, Keira.  This is a blood feud because I want nothing more than to spill your fucking blood all over the ring...hell even all over the damn building!  But as much as Tommy was right about that, he was wrong about one thing.

I stop for a second and take in a deep breath, looking into the camera very seriously.

Lex:  Mikah versus Crystal won’t be the real main event of the night.  Credit where it’s due, I hope Mikah murders Crystal, but this match between you and me?  It’ll be the real star of the night...or it should be.  After the beating I’m going to give you on Sunday, Keira, it’s time for you to shut your fucking mouth and admit once and for all that I can, and DID beat you, because it’s gonna happen.  No ifs, ands or buts about it.  No outside interference.  No help from your skanky friend, Jenny Tuck and no one in the Nobodies helping me out.  On Sunday...I’m either going to pin your shoulders to the mat fair and square, or I’m going to make you fucking tap out like the bitch that you are.  Don’t think it’ll happen?

I shrug before I lower the marshmallows just above the fire.

Lex: That’s your fucking problem, then.  I’ll see you Sunday, Keira.  Right here at the Sasebo Sports Bunka Hall.

The camera continues rolling as I roast the marshmallows and I glare at the cameraman.  I’m temporarily distracted from the marshmallows I don’t notice them catch on fire and start burting.

Lex: Dude...I’m fucking done.  You can shut the damn camera---FUCK!  You made me burn my damn marshmallows!

I quickly blow out the flame engulfing the marshmallows and reach for fresh ones as the cameraman finally stops recording, and the scene fades...to black!