Senor Vinnie’s quest for a Blast from the Past to open up the future…. Or whatever, just put in a title and run with it yo.
Senor Vinnie can be seen downtown London, England. He is in a music store with his tag team partner for the Blast from the Past tournament Amy Santino. He is standing in front of a white Fender guitar as he is almost drooling all over it.
Amy: Vinnie??
Senor Vinnie: SI???
Amy: You have been drooling all over this guitar for like ten minutes, it is giving me the creeps.
Senor Vinnie: Si.
Amy raises her eyebrow, this isn’t the answer that she was expecting from him and attempts to get him out of his drooling state.
Amy: You know you promised me to go and look at those electric Bongo’s. But if you keep this up, then we are going to be here in front of this guitar until the shop closes.
Senor Vinnie turns his attention towards his tag team partner and looks confused.
Senor Vinnie: Excuse me?? Did you say something???
She raises her arms in the air as she clearly is not happy by the fact that her tag team partner for the tournament wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying.
Amy: The bongo’s?? You promised!!
Senor Vinnie: I did?? Oh wait, yes I did didn’t I???
She looks at him with a questionable look on her face as this causes him to get irritated.
Senor Vinnie: OH you mean right now??? Jeez, I am just standing here for like ten seconds.
Amy: You mean ten minutes!!!
Senor Vinnie shrugs his shoulders before turning his attention back to the guitar.
Senor Vinnie: So it seems that time runs faster than I can count on my knuckles
Amy: So what’s so special about this guitar???
Senor Vinnie turns his attention towards her before turning back to the guitar and grins from ear to ear.
Senor Vinnie: The salesman told me that this guitar was used by Tom Petty from the Heartbreakers on the original Woodstock. I…
Amy facepalms herself before shaking her head in disbelief
Amy: Just don’t tell me that you were going to buy that guitar.
Senor Vinnie suddenly stops talking, swallowing loudly before searching for an answer to give her.
Amy: Oh my God, don’t tell me…
Senor Vinnie: Well, you see. I uhm…,
Amy: You do realize that Tom Petty was never on that original Woodstock right???
Senor vinnie suddenly understands the troubled look on Amy’s face as he got tricked into buying the guitar without checking whether the information is right.
Senor Vinnie: Give me a sec, maybe the salesman is willing to change his mind.
He runs off, leaving Amy behind with the guitar as she sighs
Amy: Why do men always have to be such an idiots when it comes down to buying expensive things???
We can see Senor Vinnie in the background screaming at the salesman in his sound proof office, causing it to turn out into a rather amusing scene from the outside as the camera zooms in on the situation. We can see Senor Vinnie start to gesture with his hands as if he is going to be watering the plants as that causes even Amy to scratch her head.
Amy: Uhm….,
The next shot is Senor Vinnie doing a gesture with his hands as if he is doing a serenade for the salesman that has put his hands to his ears and clearly not liking what he is hearing from the Mariachi and wrestler from SCW.
Amy: Is he singing to him???
Senor Vinnie is out of breath, putting his hands to his hips and inhales a few deep breaths before doing a Riverdance like tap dance before knocking down some plants as well as kicking the salesman into the shins. The salesman screams at him to get out of his office before Senor Vinnie tapdances his wa out of the office and stands face to face with Amy.
Senor Vinnie: Yo know something? That guy didn’t liked my arguments to at least take the guitar back as he didn’t gave me the original information.
Amy: Let me guess, that did not go as planned??
Senor Vinnie looks confused, scratching his head and wondering how she knew.
Senor Vinnie: How’d you know??
Amy: Well seeing he kicked you out after you kicked him in the shins?? That’s not like giving a woman a kiss you know??
Senor Vinnie looks at the salesman in his office and then turns his attention back to Amy.
Senor Vinnie: You know that if I kissed that guy, I would get into trouble with Valora right?
I am not going to kiss that guy!!!
Amy sighs once more as she has given up, she looks up and remembers here she came for.
Amy: Can we go to those bongo’s now???
Senor Vinnie scratches his head and realizes that he had promised so he nods his head yes and the two walk off. This causes the scene to fade.
Present day
Senor Vinnie: Is this the moment that we are going to reflect upon our lives and express what has gone wrong and should have happened. Of course not, it’s the you did this and I do that…., you are wrong and I am right. You should for two opportunities, while I am a man that should get an opportunity and whine and bitch about it for how long because I am a freaking Aussie?? Now don’t get me wrong, I love Australia just as much as I love doing another Riverdance dance for a cranky salesman in a music shop. Clearly it is not my cup of sangria and it never will. I mean the sun burns that I got from that country, the many scorpions that run around freely in their deserts as well as snakes, hopping kangaroos as well for some furry bears that just pinch your nose and fart in your ear if you do not pay attention. It is not something that I take seriously if you are someone that comes from that place and wants to take my opportunity that I have worked so hard for to obtain and achieve.
Now don’t get me wrong, Pete told me all about the greatness that came or to this very day comes ot of Australia, you know… things like Flying Doctors, Neighbors, Kylie and what’s that actor’s name again? Oh yeah, Mel Gibson. And apparently that is not enough for these perros to gloat about for the remainder of their stinking lives. oh no, they have to bring in some foul mouthed, clearly clueless and I had to scratch and claw to the point where I am today individual. Well that was an entertaining and educational tale of how we could clearly describe our amigo from down under named Kale Smith. Good for you Senor, I will ask Senor Underwood whether they could have an animated series about your life…, we could call it “Family Fella” and have you be a like fat guy who has a good looking chick s his wife and some dumb idiot as son and a broad and a baby son with a talking dog. Because after I am done listening to you articulate towards me as if you were trying to say something meaningful. It was the only thing that I could think off…, to put your lifestory into something as valuable just as Weird Al Yankovic declining an invitation to make a parody on the classic song: “Nananananaaa heey heeey… goodbye!!!”
Because I can understand the reasoning of someone that is truly an artist in the art of imitation and trying to be good enough to sound like you are original. I mean serious senor, if I had gotten a nickel every time that someone mentioned that I lost to Fenris then I would have the itch to slap the taste out of your stinking mouth. But first before I do so, I will ask you politely to use a breath mint to give you the benefit of the doubt.
But seriously senor, I can tell when a senor is good enough to attempt to get under someone’s skin. Sadly you have to articulate every single letter in the alphabet at least a couple of thousand times to speak to me with such hot air. Because if I had known any better, I would have assumed that you are merely humping up against the wrong tree before leaving a nasty stain down my leg. Don’t you know that it’s not nice to besmirch those who have lived exactly the hard reality that you wanted to impress me with??
Senor Vinnie clears his throat and puts on a rather fake Australian accent
Senor Vinnie: Oi…., I am from Austrrrrrrrrrrrrrrralia, ya know the spot on this planet that sophisticated immigrants wished they had never found. The desert burns, the insects bite and or local hero is a guy that played Crocodile Dundee for crying out loud. A white man that knows the ways of the Aboriginals, as I that is realistic enough to think after Jungle Book nature would make the same mistake that a cartoon story made.
But I have a man that takes pride in telling the tale that he never made an excuse for the mistakes that he had made. There you go kids, never make an excuse when you ride your bicycle through the red light and the cops pull you over to admonish you. never make excuses when your English teacher of 95 refuses your marriage proposal just because you never got laid. Never make excuses when your Oklahoma City Thunder Basketball team loses another first round matchup while your top star is once again averaging a triple double throughout the season. And don’t make excuses when I beat yo during the Blast From The Past tournament.
You see little children, what I am trying to say is that whatever you wish to achieve in your life…. Just ignore Kale Smith… Because this senor is a crying little bitch.
Now I hear you ask me with yor innocent voices why?? Why Senor Vinnie?? Why am I not allowed to follow this man’s lead??? Nd I will tell you why….
This perro attempts to dissect the fake from the obvious. At least you tried perrro, it’s not like I have to listen to someone speak a promo that was educated by a giant of a failure. First it was Mr. Sushi, then it was a movie reject that never got his due. Oh no, senor. At last I have gotten to hear from a man that many assumed that he was a regular joe… but how wrong have they been huh?? A man that looks at the obvious and tells a tale that is out of synch to the rest of what he is attempting to do. OH si senor, I speak of attempts. Because that is what your entire career is based upon isn’t it?? attempting to achieve something that we all know that sooner or later you shall faile upon??
But use the Olympic Thought high above your head, that competing is more important than winning No?? oh sure, I have not beaten Fenris, I have yet to climb the final steps of becoming a world heavyweight champion. I have yet to taste that success that YOU have yet to achieve as well isn’t it?? Because the way I see it, it’s not a weakness to enter something that I should not have to…. it’s not a weakness to take hold of as many opportunities that fate allows you to obtain. It’s not a weakness to enter a tournament and eliminate every possible perro that could ultimately challenge for the belt that I will obtain no matter what… but I know and understand that this isn’t how the Aussie Aussie Aussie… Arrrr Arrr Arrr works isn’t it?? oh no…, the one place where they are even more stupid thatn the Local Brits on this Godforsaken Island of filth.
But that isn’t what truly matters now is it Kale?? Oh no, it’s all about YOU and ME… the man that you called not a fool, he is not selfish… but if you look at the remainder of the table of six of what you should eat to stay healthy… I would have left the twisted potatoes on the plate, the rabid meat miles away from your hungry mouth that would only spew profanity. And then the healthiest of them all…. The fruit and vegetables that keeps your brain sane from the stupidity that you spew on a regular basis. Oh no Senor…, you are far from the originality that needs to be used to mount to anywhere….
You have lost everything huh?? Now what do you want me to do? Be silent for a whole minute?? Letting those words sink in and use it as a motivation for me to make sure that I do not make the same mistakes you made?? Oh sorry my amigo, newsflash!! I did too lose the one person that mattered in my life, without here I would have given up and walk away. But instead of sitting down and writing my memoires about it in the hopes of one day using it as an excuse to gt the sentiments run down his cheeks and be applauded for whatever he may have in his life that troubles him. So until we face each other in the ring senor… nothing that you say matters… nothing else matters…. Except for Senor Vinnie…..
