Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
Immediate closeup of the Troll’s face as the cam ear for his vlog is turned on and he sits back in his comfortable yet outdated desk chair that has seen better days. He clasps his hands on the surface of his folding table desk and wears a cocky smile on his face.The Troll: Hey yo yo yo, everyone! It’s your boy …
**RVD thumbs to the shoulders**The Troll: … The Troll, here with the mind blowing expose that you were prom-
**THUD! THUD! THUD!**
The Troll’s smile falls and he sighs.The Troll: Wow. She broke her record.
Mom: GABRIEL!He looks up toward the ceiling of his boudier which also happens to be the floor of the house’s first floor.Troll: Yes, Ma???
Mom: Are you talking to your little friends?
Troll: Yes Ma!
Mom: Well you tell them "hi" for me!
Troll: I will, Ma!
He returns his attention to the camera.The Troll: Now before we get to the root of why you’re all here, let me just say that it is about time that the top brass of SCW - that’s YOU Ward and Underwood - gave me my just due and put me in a spot where I can get for myself a championship match! Of course, the fact that you put me against three losers to earn this spot at High Stakes XII instead of doing the FAIR thing - which is just booking me against the Roulette Champion - is a travesty for another day! After all, how many times do I have to show Bulldog Bill Barnhart who’s boss? I mean, what do I have to do to show that old fool that he is the past whereas I am the future of this company? Roll up a newspaper and hit him on the snoot like a bad puppy who just piddled on the floor? Old Man Barnhart has had ENOUGH chances at the championships of SCW! It’s time for a REAL MAN to step up and step past a liar like him! I mean… the man is trying to convince everyone that he’s in his thirties. If he’s in his thirties then I’M a light heavyweight!
The Troll shakes his head and huffs.The Troll: Then of course there’s Agostino Romano who has got to be THE single most overrated Superstar EVER! And when I say ever, I mean in the entire ten year history of Sin City Wrestling! All they ever do is hype this joker by telling everyone that he’s a record breaking three-time Internet Champion!
The Troll scoffs.The Troll: Yeah, and they also forget to mention he also lost all three of those championships on the FIRST defense! Oh-OH! And then they REALLY insult me when they put Alex Rush of all people as the fourth member of this match! I mean, seriously!?
He makes the WTF face.The Troll: Alex Freaking Rush!? The only reason this lunatic held any sort of championship down in the minor leagues was because of a rhino! … Yeah! You heard me right - a rhino is behind every accomplishment that Alex Rush has had in his life! What does that tell you about the so-called legacy this dipstick will leave behind? And these are the men they think are worthy of competing against ME for a title shot at the biggest event of the year…
**THUD! THUD! THUD!**
Mom: GABRIEL!
Troll: Yes, Ma???
Mom: Are you telling all your friends about your little wrestling match this weekend???
The Troll: Yes Ma, I am!
Mom: Aw! That's Mama's sweet, baby boy! Going after his very first championship! I'm so proud of you!
Troll: No, Ma! I told you! I have to win this match first to earn the championship match!
Mom: Oh. Do we have any Scooter pies?
The Troll does a double take before returning his full attention to his vlog.The Troll: Now, I promised everyone out there a MAJOR news drop and as you all know - I Do Not Lie! This news is so big that it might even surpass every other nomination for the WTF/Holy Sh!t Moment of the Year in the 2022 Awards! This has everything to do with a former Superstar in SCW, the kind of guy who gets off on walking around wearing eyeliner and putting gel in his chest hair. Yeah. You know who I’m talking about…!
The Troll holds up a picture for the camera to see.The Troll drops the photo and huffs.The Troll: Yeah, O’Malley! The former SCU Underground Champion and SCW Roulette Champion and – probably the one person who can beat out Agostino Romano as the Most Overrated wrestler in SCW history! But this isn’t about attacking the man or throwing shade because Lord knows I’m not the sort! This revelation comes from a place of caring because my news is hopefully going to save the man from a life of humiliation – wel, further humiliation. You see, the poor man has been duped. He is a victim here, and it is my job to save him from himself! Because his wife – Darcy? She is not who he thinks she is! Are you ready for this?
He clears his throat and readies himself.The Troll: Darcy – is Misty!
He spreads his arms out wide and nods.The Troll: I know, right!? The very same Misty that the world thought died YEARS AGO is alive and well! Misty, Hall of Famer and one of the original Bombshells FAKED her own death for reasons unknown! She is alive and well and in this callous act has thrown all the respect and adoration the fans gave her right back in their faces! Now you might be asking how can this be true when Misty and Darcy look nothing alike but ah HA! Your boy the Troll knows! After she faked her untimely demise, she couldn’t live with her own actions and live without O’Malley so she went all Nicholas Cage and did the whole Face Off thing to come back a whole new person, start over because she had screwed up her life so ABYSMALLY – and worm her way right back into O’Malley’s life like she had never left!
He slams a fist onto the table surface.The Troll: I will not stand for this! Women are always treating men like childish fools and acting all superior! Well let me tell you, Misty may have believed the world had been fooled by her little deception but NOT ME! And I will not rest until she has confessed the truth of her emotional crimes against O’Malley and…
**THUD! THUD! THUD!**
Mom: GABRIEL!
Troll: What is it Ma!?
Mom: Don't you "what is it Ma" me! I raised you better than that and that's the way you talk to your mother!? What if I died right here and right now and that's the last thing you said to me!? THEN you'd be sorry! THEN you'd…
The Troll: I'm SORRY Ma! Did you need something?
Mom: How come you never invite any of your little wrestling friends over? Like that sweet boy with the butt? What's his name?
The Troll runs a hand down his face, knowing exactly who she means.The Troll: Miles Kasey, Ma!
Mom: Yeah, him! Or that Bella Madison! She's such a little doll! How come you never bring them over?
The Troll: Ma...
Mom: What, are you ASHAMED of your mother??? Is THAT it!? My own baby boy is ashamed...
The Troll: I'm NOT ashamed of you Ma!
Mom: Then why don't you ever invite them over!?
The Troll: Because I don't LIKE them, Ma!
The Troll suddenly looks into the camera with horror at his admission and quickly shuts it off![/font]
