Session 13: Empty Mirrors

”You never talked about the boys…”

There is a reason for that

Alicia thought it to herself. At this point, she knew better than to say something like that. All it would do is set the Doctor off on a path of probing and prodding. And in the end, Alicia would break down, she would tell Dr. Whitlow exactly what was on her mind, how she felt, what she thought and they would try and see something positive in it. But Alicia had enough of the song and dance. All of this was weighing on her. Her career, her personal life. So much had changed since she started therapy.

Talking through her past and all the issues she had and everything that weighed on her heart seemed like such a positive. But in the end the more she found out about herself and her choices the more her heart hurt.

And this was something she wasn’t looking forward to sharing.

Every failure in her life, whether it was as a wrestler, a daughter, a sister, a wife, or human being. None of it came close to the p[ain, guilt, and sadness she felt as she confronted her shortcomings and mistakes as a mother. Failures that she knew she had to confront, that she had to be honest about. Her hands clasped together as she took a deep breath in, Dr Whitlow giving Alicia a moment to compose herself.

While Alicia had learned about her Doctors process, Dr Whitlow had also learned when to push Alicia and when to give her space. ”It took alot of work…”

Dr Whitlow gave a small nod of understanding, her eyes showing her usual patience and compassion, she had been able to prove to Alicia over the last several months that she had empathy for her situation and history. She never judged her, she never made Alicia feel like a bad person, despite everything, all her mistakes and decisions throughout her life from a teenager to a young adult, Dr. Whitloe had never made her feel like there was no forgiveness or redemption. Or that she had made the same mistake multiple times.

”What was it like? Seeing them for the first time when you returned?”

Normally Alicia could hold the tears back, at least till she got back to her car, or back home. But this time she just couldn’t. She couldn’t hold them back or stop them. She felt one roll down her cheek, followed by a second. And before she knew it they flowed. ”They didn’t…” She couldn’t get the words out. She sat forward her head in her hands as she heard her own heavy, staggered breathing.

She didn’t recognize them. They had grown so much. From the toddler and baby, they had been to the small children, looking so much like her. Heads full of blond hair, blue eyes, and sweet smiles. Alicia’s heart fluttered and beat so fast. She couldn’t believe it. It had been almost three years. She had seen pictures of them, sent ones in return for them to see. But they had not done the boys justice. Rory and Ryan could walk and in Rory’s case talk. He was almost five years old. Ryan, his younger brother was three and a half. He had been just six months old when Alicia said goodbye.

Leaving in the dead of night to escape their father. But here she was, a court-mandated visit.

The judge giving her time to get to know them before a final decision was made. But the last few minutes had seemed like hours. Then, she heard them. Children’s laughter, voices. Alicia‘s ears picked up, her eyes move right to the door she anticipated than coming in. She remembered being so nervous that her hands were shaking, her entire body started to tingle as she wanted to get up and run towards the door. But she needed to stay calm, she needed to keep in mind that they were still children. The door clicked, her mother stepped in followed by Rory And Ryan.

Alicia took a sharp breath in as her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She stood up, putting her right hand over her heart keeping her left at her side. She took a few breaths trying to calm herself down smiling at her mother who smiled when we back. One of the few times that Alicia had seen her mother smile at her and actually mean it. The boys looked up at her, she smiled even wider.

Alicia stepped forward and reached out, Rory moving across and standing in between Alicia and his little brother. He looked confused. Scared. Intimidated.

Alicia’s heart sank to her stomach. The weight of the situation weighed heavily on her shoulders and her heart. They didn’t remember her, they didn’t recognise her. To her children, her sons, she was a stranger. Even though she had sent photos back they didn’t know who she was or why they were there. She swallowed hard and looked up at her mother, Barbara shook her head and stepped back giving them space. Alicia to stepped back and slowly lowered herself down to their level looking at both of them.

She smiled as warmly as she could. Her voice lowered to almost a whisper staying soft and kind. ”Hi. I’m…I’m Violet.”

Her birth name felt horrible coming out of her mouth. But it is what she needed. She bit her bottom lip, Rory stayed in between her and his younger brother but he stepped forward, tilting his head and slowly reaching out. He was thinking, studying her. Assessing her body language and trying to understand who she was. He was a smart boy, bright blue eyes just like hers.

She closed her eyes and took a sharp breath in. ”I’m your mother…”

There was silence, Apollo is in anything that Alicia wanted to say. She does not want to overwhelm the boys, and Rory, his face remained blank. His eyes moved up and down before finally saying something. ”Our mom is dead…” he turned and walked away, taking his younger brother by the hands they want to go and play with some of the toys that Alicia‘s mother had bought for them.

She took a deep breath, holding in tears. Her mother moved closer coming to her side. ”If I wanted to see them…their father made me promise to go along with it….I’ll talk to them.”

Alicia had no idea what to say. She understood why her mother did it, she understood the risks that were involved. But that didn’t make it any easier. Her mother went over to talk to the boys, Alicia keeping her distance as she sat in a chair in the corner of the room. Watching them play while she tried to explain what had happened. Alicia wanted to walk over, she wanted to hold them, she wanted to tell them how sorry she wasn’t how much she loved them and how much they meant to her. But she couldn’t.

That would have to wait.

”I can’t imagine how much that would’ve hurt. It must’ve been very painful for you.” Her voice was empathetic, Dr Whitlow reached over and put her hand on Alicia’s. Alicia gave a slow nod taking another deep breath in. This time she had nothing else to say, nothing to wrap up in a little bar, nothing to make herself feel better or open the door for the doctor to make her feel better. This time it was just a painful memory. One that has etched itself in her mind and stayed fresh.

Fueling her determination.

Earn it.

”Does Anyone believe that I’m happy with my place in the company right now? But I’m happy with my performance as in what I’ve been able to accomplish over the last couple of months?”

Alicia step forward, the arms folded over her chest as she looked straight down at the ground. The long blonde hair flowing down her back and shoulders.

”I am still one of the best in this company and I still have a record that reflects that. Am I as dominant as I have been in the past? No of course not. I have not been able to re-discover that file I had. I have not been able to step in this ring and mow through opponents like a hot knife through butter like I did for the first two years of my career in sin city wrestling.”

“The question is, have I lost some of what made me special? Or, have others in this company stepped up and finally become the challenges that I wanted them to be?”

“Truth is, I just don’t know. I don’t know if I’ve lost a step or if they’ve gained a step. I don’t know if this is all in my head or if it is genuinely true. I don’t know if there is a reason. All I know is that I wanted to earn my way to a championship match. Earning things, you are going to notice a running theme while I stand here and talk to all of you about earning things. Because there seems to be a serious lack of respect for the pecking order and actually earning what you deserve.”

She is clearly angry. Her body language, her tone that she has in her voice with every comment she makes. The fact that the last few lines were spoken through gritted teeth

”I wanted to earn that shot at Amber and the bombshells world championship. I wanted to get in the ring with Amber again and see if I could in fact beat her. You see she is the measuring stick of this company in the women’s division. She is the bombshell of bombshells. I have no problems admitting that and I’m not going to sit here and say that I am the best. One of the best? Of course that’s never going to change. But the only person in this company who has the right to say they are the best in the world is Amber fucking Ryan.”

“And now, well now she has a pair of challengers in front of her that she is going to be able to run over the top of. You see Amber is most likely going to have to face both Roxi and Crystal. You see I had Mercedes Vargas beaten. I picked her up I dropped her across my knee and shoved that knee right through her face. I was with in seconds of earning a championship match against Amber Ryan. High-stakes, the biggest show of the year, the best in the world the current bombshell champion against the woman who set the standard for what a bombshells champion should be right now.”

“That is the match that should be happening. But instead we get a challenger who won’t be much of a challenge and another one who Amber spent the better part of three months beating the shit out of.”

“Wow” Alicia slowly applauds. ”In-fucking-credible

She shakes her head obviously still furious of the situation that is standing in front of her.

”I have to standby and watch Amber go ahead to break all of my records and I’m robbed of an opportunity to attempt to stop her as well as get that championship back and prove that I am the best. Don’t get me wrong there is no hate towards Amber Ryan if anyone is going to break my records then I’m glad it will be her.”

“But, after watching two others rob me of that chance I turn up to find that Kiera Fisher-Johnson is getting handed…fucking HANDED an opportunity.”

“I don’t know why I’m surprised.”

“That family gets handed everything. I handed her wife a championship match, and she failed. Only for both of them to stick around since city wrestling like a bad smell for the next couple of years. And because of that they’ve both been champions. Both of them taking that championship off of me at various points. I’ve given them a better life, I’ve given their son a better life. And what is the thanks that I get for making them stars. For agreeing to face them despite the fact that they never earned a goddamn thing? My prize is to have to sit back as not only one of them goes onto challenge for a championship, but the other gets one handed to her.”

There is an exasperated sigh followed by Alicia throwing her hands in the air. A shake of her head, it’s hot coming from her lips. She chuckles to herself before turning back towards the camera pointing her finger with an arrogant smirk

”Now, I don’t want you people to get confused into thinking that I don’t think people should get championship matches. I just want people to earn that. Now, a match against me would definitely go far in earning something. But the problem is that if I win, I get added to the match. Kiera doesn’t need to worry because if she loses she still has her opportunity. She won’t be taken away from her.”

“But this match isn’t just about me getting an opportunity by earning it and showing Kiera that she needs to earn it to. No that’s not all. There is this myth that she is better than me. This myth that Kiera, in one on one matches just for some reason has my number. This myth needs to end.”

“Because, The fact that she has beaten me twice one on one makes me sick to my stomach. And normally I can absolutely respect it. I can respect those who have gotten in that ring with me and shown that they are better. I respect Amber Ryan, I respect Dani Weston, I respect those who could get in the ring and go to war with me and prove that on that night they would be better. But the problem I have is that Kiera Fisher-Johnson is not better than me.”

“She never has been.”

“Yet there is all this evidence to the contrary. And it is very slowly driving me insane. Some might think that it is a weakness to admit that she’s in my head. That I sit there and obsess over this and it’s eating me alive from the inside out. And sure you can go right ahead and use that Kiera.. You can sit there and comment on it and you can act like everything I say and do is a slight towards you and I’m not going to lie some of it is”

She offers another shrug. Completely unfazed by this.

”The problem you have Kiera, Is that it just makes me more dangerous and more determined to destroy you. And you have also shown your hand. I know I’m in your head. See you showed me your hand for a second that you took offence to things that I was saying and straightaway went on social media to throw a tantrum about it and start talking about how I was never going to have another match with you. You ran from me, you hid from me, you complained and whined and cried like a fucking child.”

“Did Nate give you pointers?”

“I got angry and upset because you beat me when I knew I was the better woman on that night. I got angry and I wanted to face you again and instead of getting that opportunity right then and there, you ran like a bitch. Some hero. But now, you don’t have a choice. Because you do not call the shots, you are not in charge and you, well, you just don’t have a big enough name that allows you to call your own shots. Christian and Mark know who makes them money. And the name of that person is Alicia Lukas.”

“So get ready, get prepared. Cause when this is over Andrea Hernandez will have a bigger problem on her hands than you…”

Session Nine: Over the line.

”Last time...you mentioned something interesting. You seemed like you wanted to say something but then pulled away.”

Dr Whitlow had set the mood already, no small talk. No questions about the family, the husband and the children. No questions about the travel back and forth and the career that Alicia seemed to hold in such a high regard and position. This time, as she walked in and sat down in the dimly lit office there was a conversation that turned right to business. She knew what the good doctor was talking about, the comments at the end of the last session, and where it was going.

Alicia cleared her throat and went over to the pictures that Dr Whitlow had out. Of her as a young girl, learning at university to set up her future. ”This was your first moments of real freedom right?” Whitlow gave a small nod, Alicia sighed and shook her head turning back. ”That, right there, is a fallacy.”

There was an uneasy silence in the air, Whitlow sat down in her chair and crossed one leg over the other placing her notepad onto her thigh as Alicia turned away to look back at the wall staring right into the younger doctors eyes in a certain picture. One that seemed to be more candid than the others. She was not posed or ready for it. This was the doctor being pure, a moment of true personality. ”Why do you say that?” She scoffed and shook her head picking up the picture turning it to the doctor.

”The eyes….your eyes.”

She tilted her head back at Alicia, her eyebrows furrowing. Straining to understand her points. ”My eyes? I don’t follow Violet”

She winced hearing her name. She always did. It was a name that brought back so many memories. Ones that were never enjoyable or pleasant. She looked down at the picture again, her thumb moving around the bottom and back up before placing it back on the shelf. ”In that moment, you were just you. No care in the world, nothing holding you back. And that, well, that isn’t something you are born with that sticks around unless you have been nurtured in a free way.” She sighs heavily and goes back to the couch sitting down on the end, leaning forward with her hands clasped together.

”Hmm, I suppose I see what you mean. My parents were supportive, but never controlling. They gave me the freedom and love to choose the profession I wanted, then..” She trails off for a moment looking over at her diplomas with a small smile, back to Alicia who stared right ahead. ”They gave me the tools, emotionally and financially to chase it, tro succeed..”

Alicia gave her a small wink and laughed under her breath before leaning back. ”Those moments of freedom you had, you had prepared for them, you might have gone a little crazy, maybe had a few too many drinks a night or two. Maybe even kissed a boy” She shrugged and squeezed her hands together. ”But, you already had a taste and knew your limits.”

Dr Whitlow cleared her throat, took out her pen and shook her head with a grin. ”And her I thought it was my job to analyse you..”

They both laughed, Alicia put her hands over her head and sighed, it was a deep one, as if she had weight on her shoulders. Ready to let it go. ”I didn’t have that….I didn’t know my limits. I didn’t have that taste of it before hand to know when I should stop.”

”Oh?....so...what happened?”

Alicia leaned forward again and stared at the floor with a heavy heart. ”I overindulged…I went to far”

She hated techno music. In fact she hated it with a passion. Alicia had always been more of a rock and roll girl. Even some country, rap and heavy metal. But never techno. Dance music seemed so, soulless. It was just electronic noise arranged in a way to make beats and pulses. But, the last few weeks she had become a fan. Not that she really knew if it was the music itself, or the alcohol, or the drugs. But whatever it was made her feel open. It made her happy and lifted her above into the clouds.

This is what her life in Japan had become.

She would wake up, she would train, work hard, get ready for the weekend shows, do her best and then it was time to party. She and the other students, ones that she had become close to, they would go out, they would drink, and dance. The time off from training was a blessing, and a curse. She should have been using this time to heal, to let herself reflect on her dreams, her goals and how she was achieving them.

This isn’t what was happening. The music pulsed, the beats dances, the lights flashed and dimmed as she looked around. Her friends, training partners and assorted youth of Tokyo filled the dancefloor. Neon lights made everyone's white clothes glow on the dark, they all wore plastic tubes filed with fluorescent paint.

She danced like no one was watching. Moving her body without a care in the world. Many stopped to watch. There weren’t many girls like her in Tokyo, blond, tanned Americans. She had also shed the skinny little girl image putting on toned muscle in her time, her body becoming strong and athletic. She looked over at Takeshi, a smile on his face as he watched her dance, she smiled and slowly bit her bottom lip moving her hips to the side.

He moved up to Alicia and the girl dancing next to her, sliding a small plastic bag into her hand.

She looked down and smirked, it was a few pills. Colored green with a smiley face imprint. She slipped one between her lips and swallowed, the minutes started to blur as her body moved and felt free. She continued dancing, Takeshi moved around taking Alicia and the other girl by the hips. She smiled as he slowly put a pill against the other girls lips, he pushed Alicia towards her and their lips met as the lights continued to dance.

As she pulled away from the other girl she noticed it. The attention. The entire dancefloor staring, smiling, cheering over the music. Alicia smiled, threw her hands in the air and let out a scream as the next song started. But her scream echoed out and now it was just her….

”Thing is, I didn’t see the damage I was doing.”

Dr Whitlow scribbled a few things down, her glasses sitting on the end of her nose as she looked up. ”Damage?”

Alicia swallowed hard and cleared her throat before pushing up to her feet walking around the office. She shook her head and threw her hands in the air. ”That kind of attention feels great, at first.” She raised her eyebrows and gave a shrug. ”But soon, when you realise that, it’s all they see. That they can’t see passed that and who you really are?...well...that’s just the start of a bad reputation”


A blemish on the record.

”I can’t help but feel I’m being set up to fail.”

Alicia growls, she shakes her head, she does everything she can to keep her anger in check as she paces back and forth in her backyard in New York.

”It’s no secret that Ruby Steel and I have our issues. See, before I get into why I’m being set up and why I’m about to fuck up your precious little plans, let me remind you all what has been going on around here. See, a month and a bit ago, I lost to Keira Fischer Johnson. A match I shouldn’t have lost, a matchy that every single metric says I should have won. And I got so angry about it, so frustrated that I was considering walking away from the sport and profession I love.”

“Think about that for a moment. Let that thought linger in your mind. I was going to walk away, not just from the SCW Bombshells title hunt, not just from Sin City Wrestling. But from professional wrestling. Period.”

“Me. One of the most accomplished, decorated and respected women in this business.”

“I was going to walk away and toss it all and flush it because of a loss to someone who, lets face it, can’t even lace my fucking boots. And, did I get anything from any of you? Did I get a message asking me if I was alright? From anyone? From Christian? From Mark? From any of the other so called talking heads in charge of this place? Nah, nah of course not. You know what I got? I got kicked while I was down. I got Keira, Jessie Salco and Mercedes Vargas talkin shit.”

She can’t help but scoff and roll her eyes. Pacing even more as she seems to lose control of the anger that had been building and building.

”So then, well then I decided to stick around, before I could make the announcement Courtney pops her head in, so I repaid that disrespect with a little justice. Meanwhile, I challenge Jeira. She dips, she says I’ll never face her again cause she’s scared. Jessie Salco runs her mouth, I challenge Jessie to a match where she would actually have to put up or shut the fuck up, and she folds. Fast. The only person in this company who said she wants a piece of me is Ruby Steele and she wants it for revenge, not for any other reason.”

“I returned to the ring against Seleana Zdunich. Someone I have faced, and beaten almost as many times than I successfully defended MY bombshells title, which for those of you keeping score at home, is a lot.”

“So, it seems the stage is set right. I get to roll on into a show and put Ruby Steele down. I get to end her miserable career and send her home to Courtney so they can both nurse broken bones and dreams together. So I could clear out a few other pieces of dead weight from this division that has become overgrown with useless weeds”

“Out of the goodness of my heart I was going to help SCW and make the Bombshells division somewhere to be proud of again. And how am I repaid? Hmm?”

She pauses a moment and raises her eyebrows.

”I am made to be a fucking obstacle for someone elses dreams of glory. I’m being placed in front of Myra Rivers and forced to face her where she is the only one with a clear goal and a reward. I mean, what, I should want to beat her to stop her from getting a title shot when I don’t get it if I win? Are you kidding me? This division is so devoid of talent that here I am, busy trying to get myself a damn right with someone who actually wants it, to get pulled out of that and thrown against Myra as a fucking afterthought…”

“And the worst part is, that any other time, any other place and in any other situation I would be looking forward to this match.”

“See, I know what people say about me, that Alicia hasn’t changed, that she is just showing who she has always been. But, they just don’t want to admit that they changed me. And even though I am angry, even though I am done giving unearned respect I can still recognise talent. Whether I personally like the individual or not. That doesn’t matter. And it’s obvious I have a debt against Myra Rivers.”

“See, Myra has beaten me, one on one.”

Alicia becomes visibly angry as she growls under her breath.

”I would be lying if I said that didn’t bother me. That Myra has the right to say she’s better than me. And trust me, I am keenly aware that she along with Amber Ryan has that right. I’m not blind to your talent Myra. I’m not. It might seem that way if you believe what everyone says about me. I’m smart enough to know how good you are. Take out the fact you beat me, take out the anger I have with that and the frustration. And I’d still be excited about this match if things were different.”

“I’d be facing a woman who broke records, who held that Internet title longer than anyone who racked up defence after defence after defence. Admittedly it wasn’t always against the top competition but you still did it against some real talent. And I applaud that.”

“Shit the only way you were able to have that title taken from you is by getting beaten by Amber Ryan and we all know how good she is.”

“But, this match Myra. It’s insulting. And not because it’s against you. But because of what it represents”

Alicia stops pacing and turns on her heels facing forward.

”Apparently I have fallen so far that I’m being used as a pawn in a stupid little show. You said you wanted to earn your shot at Amber Ryan despite the fact that you, in most peoples minds, are the number one contender. So, to “prove” that you get matched up with me. And some people would believe this is a test for you, that they are putting you through ba trial by fire. But you know what I see Myra?”

“I see Mark and Christian losing faith in me.”

“I see the management of this company thinking that I am such a fucking pushover that you are going to turn up, prattle on 3one of your long winded promos, repeat yourself fifty times on the show, then waltz your way down to the ring and steamroll over me like I was Violet Holt or Bea Barnhart.”

“That is what I see.”

“That is how I feel.”

“Thing is Myra. That isn’t what is about to happen. See, I might not be getting the title shot if I beat you, but, I do, I get to avenge a loss, I get to prove to you, to Amber, to Christian and to Mark that I am still the head of the goddamn food chain. That I am still the best of the best. That I can still go toe to toe with Amber Ryan, and trust me, as much as I would love to beat the hell out of Ruby Steele on a big stage, I would forgo that for another shot at gold and instead smash the shit out of that little twit on a indy show in front of ten people and a disabled assistance dog…”

“So get down to that ring Myra, try and prove you belong in the ring with Amber again. And realise that sometimes, it’s better to shut the fuck up and not look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Session Seven: Life of Adjustments

She closed her eyes and smiled. This session was going to be different, happier. All of them leading up to this dealt with pain, sadness, loss, anger and guilt. But, this one? This one made Alicia smile. This one held memories that uplifted her, made her proud of herself and the road that she had taken. Her hand reached out and picked up a picture. She looked over it, studying it as the memories flooded back. Dr Whitlow smiled as well, happy to see the difference in Alicia’s eyes and body language.

She handed the picture over and kicked up her legs laying back on the couch. Whitlow looked at it, she smiled even wider and gave a nod before placing the picture down on her desk. It was the gym. The “Lair of the dragon”. Alicia took a deep breath in and out closing her eyes. Whitlow clicked her pen, leaning to her left propping up her head with her hand as her elbow bent and leaned on the arm of her chair.

”It’s good when you find somewhere that you feel comfortable.” Alicia laughed and shook her head, opening her eyes, turning her head to look at her doctor. Her bright blue eyes shining as she looked right at her.

She clicked her tongue and gave a small wink. ”That’s just it Doc, I wasn’t comfortable. At all.”

”No?”

Alicia chuckled and moved her head back, clasping her hands together on her lap. ”Nope. And that’s what made it great.”

Summer in Japan was alot hotter than Alicia thought it would be, temperature wise it wasn’t much different than home. But the amount of people, the cramped spaces in the city. It made it suffocating.. The sweat dripped from her body as she held the pose. Her eyes straight ahead as she tries to control her breathing. Her head was aching, her neck was on fire, her back screamed in pain. But she was determined. She had been in Japan for two months. And every day she had learned a new lesson. Every day she got better, stronger.

But still, she had earned no respect from anyone. Not the other students, the trainers, the owner. They allowed her to train, to clean the gym and sleep on the floor in a small room out the back, her savings being used to buy tuna and rice and some bottled water. Enough to survive on. She could feel her legs shaking, she could feel her back giving way. Neck bridges were something new to her a few weeks ago, now they were a part of her daily ritual, like the others. As your body gave out, you would go and sit in a line in order of when you gave up. Or quit.

When this first started, the first time Alicia had done this, she lasted two minutes, and fell. She was laughed at, told to go home. Again and again she joined the line of students, day after day. But, her body became stronger, her neck flexible and slowly, through determination and a will to no longer be a victim, Alicia held on longer and longer. This time was different, sher could feel it, it was down to the final three. It was her, another student, a large man with neck muscles like a tree trunk and the instructor. Gyo. Alicia breathed deep, She heard it, a body drop. It was the other student. It was down to her and Gyo. But Alicia had no idea how long she could hold on. All the other students stared quietly. Sitting on their knees, backs straight, hands on their thighs.

She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, the blood flowing through her body, she could feel the sweat pour down and pooling under her.

She was shaking, she was hurt and she couldn’t take it anymore, her body falling and hitting the training mats, she took a few breaths and shook her head before sitting up, she knew the routine, it was time to move back with the rest of the students. But, as she looked up she saw him. Gyo. He was kneeling to the side staring at her. He looked shocked, surprised, and confused. The other students had a similar look. But why?

Gyo stood up, he moved up and passed Alicia, taking his place, at the end of the line. He had fallen before her.

She took a deep breath in, moving around to face them all, sitting on her knees like them. They all got ready and bowed in unison, as they sat back up Alicia returned the respect. She could feel it in her stomach and her heart, the tears welled up in her eyes, but she buried it, held it in. Sitting up and swallowing hard and keeping her composure. Gyo gave her a small nod before dismissing them ”クラス解雇”

”You earned their respect.”

Alicia smiled again before sitting up, she pulled her knees back towards her chest and nodded slowly. ”Things started changing after that. She laughed to herself and shrugged. ”I was at least treated as one of them. The other female wrestlers welcomed me, the male ones started to treat me with respect. They realised I wasn’t there for some romantic idea….I wanted it.”

”You should feel proud of that moment. Hold onto it.”

Alicia laughed to herself and turned to face Dr Whitlow. ”The thing is….they weren’t wrong at the start, when I first got there...it was a romantic ideal, it was just...a lie…”

Dr Whitlow put her pen down and moved the clipboard. ”What do you mean?”

”I was doing the right thing for the wrong reasons….but I fell in love with it...it’s too bad I had to leave…” She trailed off and cleared her throat before standing up. ”But that’s for next time...I have a plane to catch…” She smiled at Dr Whitlow who gave her a kind nod in return. Alicia had a job to do...and nothing was going to stop her.

The Great Pretender

”This should be very tiring for all of you. Every single one of you should be sick and tired of hearing my voice. My accent, my arrogance. It should anger you. It should give you this insatiable drive and need to shut me up. It should make you all form a line and be coming for me, challenging me. But, I hear crickets. I went out and I earned a shot at Amber Ryan, I took her to the limit then gave her the respect she was duie and she had earned from me...but that doesn’t mean I won’t challenge her again. Shit, if I could I’d get in the ring with her at the next Climax Control..”

“Maybe then I’d actually be more excited about this match.”

She shakes her head. Alicia’s long blonde hair tied away from her face as her red painted lips twist into a snarl. Her arms folded over her chest.

”Back to my original point. Week after week, month after month I have matches and record promos for these matches, and I go over what I’ve done and what I’m going to do and I beg and plead for someone to step up and try and stop me. And the truth is, the last year or so I have softened on all of you. I looked at the roster and saw names of women who I knew could hang with me and I became complacent. I sat back, I took a rest but continued to do what it is I do. I kept going about my work, winning matches and being one of the best. I still have one of the best winning percentages in this company, and that is with the stiffer competition and the losses I’ve had.”

“And all it does is show that there is still a wide gap and margin between the best in this company, and everyone else. Now, that doesn’t mean there isn’t talent there or potential. Courtney Pierce has potential, but it’s potential she struggles to realise. Maki has potential, but she lets her personal demons cloud that. We have the list of former champions who have faded away like shrinking violets  A list of women that Courtney had tried to say I was on. Despite all evidence to the contrary.”

“See, Roxi, Mercedes, Christina, they all pop back up and make an annoyance of themselves without staying at the same level they were at, and reclaiming the same glory. I have, I haven’t slowed down. But these so called legends haven’t been able to claw their way back to the top and stay there but instead just hang around and we’re unable to get rid of them. Kind of like a flare up of herpes.”

“With that being said, atleast they had their time in the sun and at one point made it count. I win matches and titles and make them matter, I win opportunities and make them matter. Keira Fischer-Johnson, she pisses away opportunities and still gets handed more and more of them and none of us can figure out why. I sit here and I rack my brain back and forth wondering how she continued to get opportunity after opportunity, time and time again to fail and every single one...except...against me…”

Alicia pauses and snarls, her top lip curling as she tries to keep it together.

”One good night Keira. That’s what you had. One good night. And at the time, I praised you for it, I gave you the respect you deserved because you finally climbed the ladder and got your hands on the title that had been oh so elusive to you through your whole career. You beat me. One on one. Think about that. It is still something very rare in this company and in this business to hold a one on one win over me. But, you have. So, I applauded it. I applauded it and you and celebrated you becoming the goddamn champion.”

“I did that because I was happy for you. I thought maybe you had turned that corner away from being the joke who was never able to win “the big one” I thought maybe you’d be able to step out of Roxi’s shadow. I even stepped back, I declined to have my rematch against you because I wanted the spotlight for you and showed you that respect. And how did you repay it Keira? A win over me, a title victory, all that momentum and feel good moment, everything in the pal of your fucking hand delivere dto you by me and how the fuck did you repay that?”

She pauses, snarling again, clearly becoming angry.

”By losing the title to Christina Zdunich-Hilton-Millar-Lite-Rose”

She throws her hands in the air.

”You took a championship from me that I had made mean something, that I loved, that I needed, you took that from me in an act of defiant glory and when you had the chance to be the champion you promised you would be, you fucking failed. You.Fucking.Failed. And hey, I could forgive that, I could look passed that Keira, I could move on if you hadn’t have done two things that got under my skin and pissed me off. First one, was call me a hypocrite and call my integrity into question.”

“Really?”

“The queen of posting insta-thot pics and caring more about telling us all about her relationship instead of her wrestling career wants to talk about my integrity? Because I called you out for failing and spitting on my legacy and the GIFT I fucking let you have?” A gift you squandered…”

“Wow.”

“That was the first one Keira. The first thing that makes me want to kick the shit out of you while your beanhead wife watches, but the second one?. The second reason is simple.”

She pauses and builds tension, good trick right?”

”You didn’t get back up…”

“You didn’t dust yourself off, stand up and get that title back. The fire you had when you faced me, the fire I saw in your eyes and that determination to shut everyone up who ever doubted you or tore you down was gone Keira. It vanished. And all that was left?....the woman you are now? I have no respect for. I have no time for. And I am being forced to face in a match, and that, well that should insult you.”

“I want to face the best of the best, I want to get back in the ring with Amber Ryan, I want to get back in the ring with Evie Jordan or Dani Weston, I want to face other women who have beaten me one on one, but...not you. Because this match doesn’t excite me, it doesn’t inspire me. And normally, I’d be begging you to prove me wrong, to get in that ring and beat me, to prove it to me and to yourself that you do belong...the only problem is…”

“I have no faith in you…..and never will..”

Session five: The Escape.

“It was the same night? The night of the party”

“Yes.”

Silence then the sound of a pencil scribbling across the paper. The pencil being placed against the pad and it moving to Dr. Whitlows' lap. She leaned forward, her thin wire-framed glasses slid down her nose. “Tell me what happened.”

Alicia took a deep breath in and closed her eyes. She knew how painful this was about to be. She knew how she was about to feel. But sometimes to heal, we need to feel pain first.

She could smell beer. The cheap kind that had no weight to it. The kind that had been watered down at the brewery. It was on Ronnies breath, as he snored the smell hit Alicia in the face, it made her feel sick to her stomach, even now Ronnies arm was over her like he owned her even in her sleep. Her eyes moved across to the small digital clock on his side of the bed. The red lights ticked over, she wanted out, she needed out. She carefully moved her leg off the bed, sliding her lower body away.

She was able to slip down to the hardwood floor.

It creaked, a shot of fear went up to her spine, to her heart, and down again. Ronnie groaned and rolled over in the opposite direction. A snore escaped him and Alicia felt relief. For the first time, she was happy and relieved he had been drinking. It meant a quick moment of sadness then he’d be out for the night.

Her hand moved to the small handle grasping it hard, it made her realize she was shaking. Her hand and arm vibrated as she pulled down and back, sliding through the door and down the hall into the bathroom where she had hidden clothes. She slipped on the jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt, and a hoodie.

She looked in the mirror taking a long deep breath trying to calm herself down. Her heart was going insane, her hands were shaking. She didn’t like this. But for what she had to do next, she needed a clear head and needed to be calm for this. Alicia swallowed deep and face a small nod to herself whispering as she looked down at the sink. “Come on, grow some balls Violet.” Seg spat the words like venom to herself before clearing her throat and standing up straight. It was time.

She turned and moved back out to the hallway toward the stairs. She stopped at the landing, she couldn’t move. Her boys. Their room was right there. She had told herself not to look. It would be too hard and would break her heart, and stop her from leaving. Jennifer had warned her too. But she wanted to see them one last time. To see their faces. To hear them breathing. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. She took a long, deep, breath. She held it in for what seemed like an eternity before pushing it out and turning on her heels to move towards the door.

Alicia stepped in, being careful not to wake them and move the door too fast. She moved to the half bed and the crib. The emotions came straight up from her stomach as she burst into tears. Looking at both of her sons laying there asleep, realizing what she was giving up. Realizing what she was forcing them to give up. She could feel herself doubting it all. Was this the right decision? Could she stay and power through it and survive?

She was deep in thought, she failed to hear the door open. But she felt a hand on her arm and froze before spinning and coming face-to-face with Jennifer. “Vi, what are you doing? We have to go. Now!”

She snapped out of it, nodding slowly and following Jennifer out of the boys' bedroom and down the stairs towards the kitchen and the side door. Jennifer stopped at the base of the stairs pushing Alicia back against the wall. She swallowed hard and shook her head looking around. “It’s my dad….shit” She shook her head and looked down. “Stay here. I’ll get him out of the way.”

Alicia gave an understanding nod. She watched as Jennifer moved around the corner faking a yawn. “Fuck…” Alicia whispered under her breath and hugged the wall hard.

“Hey daddy” Jennifer used her best daddy’s little girl voice. She moved around pulling her father's attention from the door. Alicia moved around and behind the kitchen bench to the door, she reached up sliding out and down the stairs hiding in the bushes. She was outside, she was free. The door opened. Jennifer stepped out and looked around. “Vi?”

“I’m here” She stood up Jennifer moved down the stairs grabbing Alicia’s wrist, she opened her hand shoving a large rolled-up wad of cash inside. “What’s th-“

“Go...get away from this fucked up family. Come back when you can fight for them…” Her voice was breaking, she was upset, Alicia smiled and gave her a nod as a few tears started to form in her eyes.

She turned and moved towards the road, but stopped suddenly. She turned and threw her arms around Jennifer's neck hugging her. “Thank you, thank you so much” She pulled back and sighed heavily. “Take care of them...please” Jennifer smiled and gave a nod, Alicia moved back and turned, this time there would be no looking back. She looked down at the cash, all hundreds. She had enough to start a life, to start the fight back.

“Where did you go?”

Alicia snapped out of it, back to Whitlow's office, tears still fresh on her cheeks. “What?”

“After you left, where did you go?” Alicia swallowed and sat up with a groan and a shake of her head. She looked around the office and clasped her hands together.

A small smile, a sigh, and her bright blue eyes staring ahead. “Jennifer gave me over thirty thousand dollars. You know, when you think about that much, you’d like it looks like alot. But, really it was deceptive.” She trailed off and shook her head. “It was stupid. I thought about my dad, What my mom told me, where he went and what he did…”

Whitlow tilted her head, showing patience as Alicia skirted around the question. “And, what did you find out?”

“I found my home away from home….” Alicia's face lit up, she laughed to herself and smiled wide. “I went to Japan…”

Queen…

”Hail to the queen”

Alicia’s southern accent burns through the screen, her bright blue eyes sparkle as she smirks with an arrogant turn of her ruby red lips.

”I’d hate to say I told you so, but, I told you so. Seems to be something I do alot in my career isn’t it? I came to SCW, I told you all I would become the SCW Bombshells champion, everyone talked shit. They said I couldn’t go on the same run of dominance I did in WWH and Honor wrestling. But then, I won it, I won that championship and held it in both hands and I was able to say those sweet words. I.TOLD.You.So. I lost the title to Sereana after her wife interfered and handed it to her, I promise I would have it back within a month. ANd again, I succeeded after everyone said I wouldn’t.”

“I got injured, said I’d come back and get revenge on Bibbie Dahl, she and everyone else told me I wouldn’t, that I was done. I came back, I beat her and I got to say...I told you so.”

“This is a running theme, time and time again I have had people underestimate me and tell me that I can’t or won’t do something and time and time again I prove them wrong and get to say those words. And the same thing happened with the Queen for a day match. Char Kwan, Mercedes Vargas, a bunch of yahoos who weren’t even in the match. They said I wouldn’t or couldn’t do it. And I’ll admit, the vocal minority who keep telling me what I can’t do is getting to become a smaller group, but they are still there. But when that match ended I held the briefcase and all the power.”

“And at that moment I was presented with a choice. What championship do I set my sights on?”

She smiles and shakes her head, at this point, we notice Alicia is wearing a red crown, a red cape, and a red shirt with her name in cursive writing and a picture of her with a crown. The limited-edition Alicia “Strong style Queen” T-shirt available from SCWShop.com.

”See, the easy answer would just be, the SCW Bombshells title. It’s the biggest, the best, the earmark of this professional wrestling world and the measuring stick for womens wrestling. But, I have held it before. It’s a path I’ve travelled. So, I could have gone for the mixed tag team titles but, well, I figured Autin might want a run there and I didn’t feel like teaming with him. But, what about the roulette? I could go into a random match with Krystal Wolfe, beat the crap out of her and snatch up that title….easily…”

“But, I never wanted easy. I have never wanted to take things or win them without a challenge. So that left two championships, and this decision was actually alot harder than most realise.”

“On the one hand, as I said, is the world title. On the other is the Internet championship. Myra Rivers has made that a prize worth chasing and wanting. And not only is the Internet title a prize, it’s something I have never held and it is held by someone I don’t particularly like. I don’t like her face, her attitude or who she is as a person. So, the desire was strong. But then, why didn’t I go for that title? Why didn’t I pull the trigger and step out of my comfort zone? Well, the answer is simple and it was the tipping point.”

“Amber Ryan”

She nods and raises her eyebrows with a shrug stepping back and taking the cape and crown off ruffling her long blonde hair flipping it all over one side as she folds her arms back over her chest and snarls.

”This is a  match I wanted, regardless of it being for a championship. It just seems to be some kind of happenstance that you and I are in the positions we are right now. From the moment you stepped into SCW I wanted a match with you. But it seems like we have been two ships passing in the night. I was the champion when you came in, I then lost the title and got injured as you started to rise up the card in SCW at a fantastic rate. I watched as you and Roxi beat the hell out of each other for a few months and had an amazing rivalry that made me excited about pro wrestling again.”

“You were still occupied with Roxi and also took some time off when I returned, I was focused on Bibbie and then the Bombshells title again, and when I lost it and stepped back, well, that’s when you made your run. And now here you are, the incumbent champion, a woman who has been a star not only in this company but others too. It’s almost like looking into a red headed mirror.”

“Winning the queen for a day match gave me the means and opportunity to have a match with you. The match so many people wanted. A match you and I both wanted.”

“We’re like two pitbulls, staring at each other through a chainlink fence for the longest time, now free to go. And go we will. See, I told you before I didn’t want to take an easy match. I liked challenges. And that is something that no one can say I do. No one can sit there and say I run from challenges or that nI’m a coward. When I was the champion I called out everyone, the best of the best and I beat them. Shit the truth is Amber...you’re here because of me…”

She sneers again and laughs to herself.

”See, I was the reason Roxi came back to SCW. She was happy living her life with Keira and their kid, she was happy making sporadic appearances and kicking trash cans around in that bullshit Lucha company. It was my challenge, my temptation that brought her back. And it was Roxi, that brought you in. So the entire reason why you came here, why you’re holding that championship right now. Is me. So how fitting is it that you and I are about to go one on one for that championship in the main event?”

“My only regret is that it isn’t happening at a supercard. But, I suppose the first Climax Control of a new era will do.”

“And I want everyone, not just you Amber, to feel the weight of this match. The heavy gravity of it. See, you have been one of the most dominant forces in wrestling and now, SCW. People respect you or fear you. Or, in some cases. Both. Make no mistake Amber, I do respect you, but I don’t fear you. I look at you in the ring and I smile, because I see a kindred spirit. Someone who is willing to put everything on the line, never step back from a fucking challenge and never back down. I see someone who will leave little pieces of themselves on that canvas. Who will sweat and bleed for their craft and for all the titles and accolades that come with it.”

Her eyes burn, her body seems to become more pumped up and excited as she paces back and forth.

”You and I will step in that ring and we will give the fans and management a fight they will never forget, we will scrap, we will claw and we will do it all not just for a title or a championship but because we both want to beat the other. I love SCW, I love wrestling, I love that title that you hold and I would love to become a four time SCW Bombshells champion. But what I want even more, what will be put up high as a trophy mounted on my fucking wall...and I mean this, with all due respect.”

“Is your fucking head.”

Session Two: Two Steps forward, one step back

She wanted out of the car.

From the second her mother explained what was about to happen Violet had an uneasy feeling. The last few years had been awkward for her, living with her mother and siblings in a middle class life that was fine for her but hell for her mother had been stressful. Violet Alicia Maxwell, years before she would become Alicia Lukas, had grown up without caring about accumulated wealth or the apparent advantages it had. But her mother, well, her mother had been used to the life.

Barbera Marie Lukas. A woman born into old money of the south, who had given it all up because she fell in love with the wrong man, and was cut off by her family. A proper southern belle who wanted to marry a dirty, loud professional wrestler named Jason. It had ended her way of life, it had destroyed the world she had become accustomed. And that put them in a way that caused so much anger and resentment that Violet never knew what happiness was. That was until Barbera discovered a way to guarantee their social standing.

Arranged marriage.

Something that had rarely been talked about and assumed to have been abolished in the western world was actually still alive and well. Barbera had increased the families lives by marrying a man who had been successful, in a modest way. But to really push their standing up, to get the family name back where it needed to be, well, Violet was the sacrificial lamb. And this drive felt like a lamb being led to slaughter. Dressed in a tight fitting pink and white dress, her hair done in curls with ribbons and forced to wear uncomfortable shoes, Violet had already dealt with the attitude from her younger sister Rose, who would later be known as Zoey Lukas in her own brief wrestling career, until Violet pointed out that after she had been handed off, she would be next.

The streets whipped by, the road changed from something that looked like the suburbs to a more country feeling. Rolling hills and forest cover with plains and large plantations. Violets heart sank, she felt like she was about to throw up, her bright blue eyes moving from the window to her sister who was snoring next to her in the back seta, her stepfather hummed a tune as he drove and her mother...well her mother was the picture of a southern lady. Her hair being worn above her shoulders, curled with black sunglasses on and a dark blue dress. She smiled and sighed happily as Violet shook her head, the sixteen year old debutant that wanted nothing to do with this and she was getting tired of hiding it.

They turned into a large estate, a few men stood at the gate, black suits and sunglasses as some form of uniform as they gave a nod waving the old white rolls royce through ansd to the main house. They circled around a large stone angel with water coming from a small clay pot in it’s hands into the waterfall feature below.

They all got out of the car, Rose looked around, her hands in her pockets, their brother Josh, the middle child had been able to get out of this, being sent away to camp while Rose wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Her step father took Rose to the side moving over to talk to an older man near the door who smiled and greeted him with a firm handshake. Violet growled and turned her nose up as Barbera sighed and turned front on to her oldest child. ”Oh stop sneering. You should be happy. This will set you up for life Violet. You’ll be married and be a woman of leisure.” Violet tried not to show her feelings, but a groan escaped her lips causing Barbera to flare her nostrils and grab her by the arm. ”The Andrews family own some of the biggest sugar refineries in the country. They are worth hundreds of millions. You’ll never have to worry again.”

Like Violet cared about that.

”So? I don’t need any of that. I want to find something I’m passionate about, I don’t want to be some vapid stay at home and smile socialite, trotted out like a fuckin show pony-”

”ENOUGH!” Her mother spat angrily, her eyes widened, her teeth grinding together as she tightened her hand around Violet's wrist pulling her close. ”You are doing this not just for yourself but your family. Now, I am going to take you over there to meet Ronald and his father Derek, and you will be delightful and the picture of a sweet young lady.” She turned and instantly the act was put on, Barbera smiled and waved her hand in the air with a grin taking Violet over to the group. ”Hello!...Derek, Ronald, I would like to introduce you to Violet..my oldest…”

”Hello young Lady, pleasure to meet you...say hello Ronald.”

The younger man stepped forward, his hair swept back, he was handsome, atleast he had that going for him. He had blue eyes, dark hair and was well built, standing about six foot three and looked to be seventeen or eighteen years old. He had a strong jawline and reached out taking Violets hand and bending down to kiss the top of it. ”Pleasure to meet you, Violet’

Violet bit her lip lightly, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. ”Nice to meet you to...Ronald.”

”So you let your guard down?”

She was back in the office, laying on the couch. She nodded slowly as Dr Whitlow jotted a few lines down in her notebook. Alicia sighed heavily and kept her hands clasped together as she looked up. Remembering how she felt almost fourteen years ago as she looked at a man who would be the father of her young children and also her biggest mistake. But at the time, at the moment she first met him, she was filled with something else. Hope

Alicia sat up and pulled her knees to her chest letting oput a deep breath giving a small shrug. ”I was a kid. Sheltered too. I was against it at first but, I don’t know. Rich, good looking and at first he was…” She trailed off and swallowed hard.

”Sweet? Kind? A dream?” Alicia slowly nodded, Dr Whitlow gave a half smile and put her pen down before leaning against her knees. ”Men with predatory personalities often act that way in the beginning, it draws people in. It’s a hunting skill..”

”And I fell for it...completely….how fucking pathetic and stupid was I?”

Dr Whitlow sighed and picked her pen back up writing a few more things down before clearing her throat. ”You were sixteen years old. We were all stupid at sixteen dear. Even me. Not that I can remember that far back.” She shot Alicia a reassuring grin, Alicia laughed to herself and sighed again. ”Focus on that, your age, your future...but, thats all for today….thank you...you opened up...it’s progress.” Alicia goit to her feet grabbing her back, she moved out of the office closing the door behind her and making her way down the hallway to the elevator. As the doors closed and she felt it move down to the parking garage she took a deep breath in before feeling the tears roll down her cheeks.

Progress, as it turns out. Is painful

A dull edge

Being honest with yourself is deceptively hard. Forcing yourself to look in the mirror and admit that maybe you’ve lost a step. That maybe you’re not as good as you once thought you were. This is where Alicia Lukas was in her life. The truth she had to look in the mirror and tell herself.

”I failed. Again. Something that again, I’m not used to. And the last few months that’s all it’s been for me. Failure after failure after failure. And sure, people can point to certain things I’ve done and applaud. Beating Maki one on one in a match of the year contender is something to be proud of. But, after coming back and beating Bobbie Dahl, the woman who put me on the shelf, regaining my bombshells title and getting back to the apex of SCW, as quickly as I ascended, I fell.”

“I watched Keira Fischer Johnson rise up with her own little dream narrative. A story that I believed and got fooled by hook, line and sinker. Her story and her actions made me feel back for wanting to win., to retain the title. And when she beat me I smiled looking at her holding that championship. I applauded, I smiled and I was proud of her and I was happy I lost.”

“Happy I fucking lost. Can you believe that shit?”

“At that moment I should have realised something was wrong with me. I should have stepped back and re-evaluated right then and there. But I didn’t. Shit I didn;’t even take a rematch for the title, I wanted Keira to have that moment in the sun because I believed she earned it. And as quickly as the feeling of pride in her and her accomplishment came, it flew out the fucking window when I saw her make thew title mean nothing. See, I held it and it was the biggest title in the world, I lose that thing and no one can actually keep it at that level. Evie came damn close, then the run of champions we had since then?...

She shakes her head, her heart sinking to the pit of her stomach while anger rises up in its place. Alicia tuts and folds her arms over her chest.

”Hopefully with Amber Ryan we have one that’s worth it. And before I get into my match this week, let me just say something about the match a lot of people seem to want. Amber Ryan versus Alicia Lukas. Believe me, I’m sure it’ll happen. We’ve had other dream matches involving me lately. Maki and Mercedes for instance. Amber and I will step in the ring one day, and the entire wrestling world will stop and watch. But, until then I have other matches and moments to look forward to…”

Alicia turns and slowly sits down crossing one leg over the other. Her hands moving down to grab her leg as it crosses over the other.

”You know, the reason why I decided to give everyone a refresher in what happened with Keira, and the feelings I went through there is because of a situation that happened with Seleana. See, Seleana doesn’t get the respect she deserves. While Roxzi and Keira get to much respect for the kind of people they are Seleana gets overlooked and forgotten. Keira and Roxi are all about themselves and hide it behind the team Hero bullshit. They’re both just as self serving and as bad as one another. But Seleana is someone who overcomes that kind of selfish bullshit”

“Seleana is married to one of the most arrogant bitches I have ever met in my life but instead of feeding into it and trying to hide it like the Johnsons do Seleana goes about her business being herself. And that deserves to be admired. She is a respectful stand up woman who always does her best in that ring and never, never makes excuses.”

“Two years ago, I came into this company and I destroyed EVERYONE. I went against the best this company had to offer and week after week I had my hand raised high.”

She shrugs and laughs to herself shaking her head. The good old days.

”But. In that time and the matches I had there was a a blip in that run. Aside from being beaten by Dani Weston I had also lost to Selena Zdunich. And it was a hard loss. Not because I was beaten by the better woman but because the decision and destiny of the match was taken from my hands. And I looked Seleana in the eye and I told her that she had a responsibility to her own legacy and family to go one on one with me again and put the title that her wife stole for her on the line. And one thing that I will never forget is that Seleana agreed.”

“She didn’t hide, she didn’t make excuses or tell the world I had to earn it or that she was the rightful champion. Seleana looked at me, told me I was right and told the world that she wasn’t the real champion unless she could beat me without Crystals help. That right there told me all I needed to know about Seleana. And you can look back at my history with anyone in this company and you can pinpoint exact moments when my opinion of them changed. You can see it with Roxi, when she refused to congratulate me or acknowledge I was the better woman, you can see it with Keira or Mercedes.”

“But with Seleana it never changed from then on.”

“And it’s for one reason. Seleana is real”

“The Seleana Zdunich you meet on day one, face to face is the same woman you’ll see two years later. And since I came into this company I have smiled every single time I have seen Seleana succeed. Shew wins a  big match, becomes a champion and does herself and her family proud and I will be one of the first to shake her hand backstage. So, while I felt bad for wanting to beat Keira, I do actually feel bad when I face Seleana. Because, with the exception of when Crystal interfered….I’ve had her number.”

Alicia sighs heavily and stares off into space as she sits back, uncrosses her legs and pushes her fingertips together in a pyramid, her fingertips touching her chin.

”And it’s not because Seleana can’t beat me. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. She had all the tools to get me. She had all the skills and the drive to get in there and get a win over me. She just doesn’t. And who knows, maybe this time it’ll be different. Maybe this time Seleana will get in the ring and show the world what she is capable of and walk out the winner. But, then again.,Maybe she won’t. Maybe Seleana is destined to never have that big win over me. Maybe she is destined to be like the rest of her family and never get to say they’re better than me.”

“Maybe Seleana will have to go back home, look her daughter in the eye and explain how and why she failed to beat Alicia Lukas again.”

“And while part of me will feel bad, part of me will regret what I have to do, well, I still have to do it. We’re all in this together, all fighting for position and fighting for a spot. And I know how good you are Seleana, I know what you want and how to get there. But to get what you want you have to go through me and for me to get what I want?..well. I have to go through you and based off our history Sel...well...I know who i’d I have money on…”

Lying to yourself

”I’m Fine”

Two words, said multiple times. A lie that she kept telling herself. A lie that was now repeating in her head over and over again. The last week had been hell. A moment that she didn’t want known had been broadcast all over social media and the company. A moment of weakness that Alicia had tried to just push down and not care about. This wasn’t the first time Alicia had felt like this. Not the first time she had been made to feel insignificant and been threatened. But the difference between all those years ago and now was that she was stronger. But she remembered the feeling. She remembered it all and it all came flooding back. A life that she had left behind along with a name and a past.

Violet Maxwell.

Her birth name and something she had tried to forget. A last name given to her by a father that valued his own feelings and future over his children. A name that was given to her only to be pushed away when her own mother put her up for what many would consider to be an arranged marriage. A great southern tradition. But it was a marriage and a life that would almost break her and lead her to take her own life. Pushed and pulled into a spiral of depression. It culminated in a moment she would never forget. A desperate night where she was ready to simply end it all.

But she didn’t.

She ran away but fought to regain an identity.

An identity that had to live by letting the old one die. Alicia went from a teenage mother, betrothed to an abusive man who was treating her like an emotional and sometimes physical punching bag, to being a strong, independent woman who was a star in the professional wrestling world. A multi-time world champion and a woman who was scared of no one. That’s who Alicia Lukas was. The Lioness, the queen of wolves, the strong style southern belle. All names that she had earned through blood, sweat, tears and triumph. It was a persona and a career forged in the fires of competition.

All around the world. From Europe, to Japan, to Mexico and the United States. Through Honor Wrestling, WWH, LAW, 4CW, IWF and now SCW. Company after company she faced the best and went on to have historic and impressive title reigns. This was Alicia Lukas, this was who she had become. But last week, every fight she had one, every accomplishment earned...it all turned to ashes, and got carried away by the wind.

Her eyelids fluttered. She twitched. She could feel Austins hand on her wrist, turning and squeezing it causing blood vessels to pop and her skin to turn yellow and purple. His strength scared her. A six foot six beast whose eyes had once been kind and loving. Like a brother. Like family. But now, those eyes were black, deep and soulless. Like a void with nothing inside them. There was no kindness, no heart. Just anger and cruelty. His face morphed from his own to Travis Blakes, to Kaden Kessler, to Chris Cane and finally to Ronnie. All of her failed relationships, men who used her in different ways, abused her in different ways. All her past mistakes. All rolled into one terrifying moment.

Monsters who stripped little parts of her, one by one taking a piece of her soul.

Alicia changed too. It was not the Alicia we know now. Not the well put together strong woman with an athletic build. No, her hair was shorter, thinner, her body was too. She was younger, terrified.

Everything went fuzzy, as if she had been hit.

She fell to her knees, her heart racing fast as the side of her face started to bruise and swell like her wrist. Tears started to form in her eyes and her body started to shake hard. Her arms wrapped around herself as the feeling of lose and desperation entered her like a bullet through the heart. She was back there again. Nineteen years old, locked in that bathroom, the feeling of hot water and steam filling the room. Her face and hair damp with the feeling of the air now weighing heavy.

Her eyes open, they scan the room.

They focus down on the razor blade. The same one from that night. A shaking hand moves over to it, guiding her to it. The feeling of the handle was like an old friend giving her a reassuring hug. Telling her it’ll be ok. She’ll be at peace soon. All feelings of trepidation were gone. It was going to be ok She told herself, but the voice wasn’t hers. It was distorted. Different. Michael, Rory, Ryan. The men in her life who had never done her wrong. The husband who saved her, the sons she abandoned once but loved more than life itself.

They would be better off

She swallowed, her eyes trailing up to the mirror, it was her. But her from years ago.

Hello Violet

The blade was pulled, she felt the release, she felt it. And it was all she needed. Freedom.

”Ali?”

Michaels voice. Pulling her back. Her eyes open, she shoots up confused. Her body is heavy and wet. Cold. Her chest heaving up and down as she looks around frantically. The room slowly comes into view. The television at the end of the room was off, the window was closed as the snow settled on the outside. Michael was asleep, his eyes shut, his short light brown hair messy with his beard. Alicia let out a sigh as she tried to calm herself down.

She slipped from their bed, her footsteps creaking on the old wooden floor. The door was open a crack as the light in the hallway was left on. She moved down towards the two rooms near the stairs heading down to the first floor. She stopped in front of one room, opening the door slightly with a smile looking at Rory, his leg hanging off the best, snoring loudly, scrawled all over the place.

The door shut again and she turned doing the same thing with Ryan's room, unlike his brother Ryan was wrapped up in his blanket, sleeping like a log, not snoring, just peaceful. She sighed and moved back down into the master bedroom before walking back around to the bathroom door.

She turned on the light and stepping to the sink, she looked into the mirror studying her face. It was her. Present day her. She let out a relieved breath and looked down. Her eyes trailing over to her wrist, it was still bruised and purple, she couldn’t breathe. Her chest suddenly stopped. Her hand started shaking again and she backed away from the mirror, her back touching the wall as she slid down sitting on the cold white tiles, her knees pulled to her chest as she looked up at the ceiling.

I’m fine

The Second Hurdle

”I told y’all”

The voice of Alicia Lukas cuts through the darkness, she steps forward and comes into view, she is in a large media room. Screens all around her flicker and stay on with distorted images. Right now we see ones from last week. Vinnie and Alicia teaming together.

”The mariachi wolves rose up and did what we do. Win. See Vinnie is, what I like to call, an opportunist. He knows how to look around and find ways to win. Much like myself. And hey, the match last week, Jake Sullican and Seleana Zdunich, they tried hard, I think Jake proved if he wanted to come back to SCW full time he could and would be successful, Kind of. See, he would still struggle against guys like Vinnie, Kris Ryan, Alex, Ben Jordan and Fenris. But, as a midcard talent? Well I could see Jake doing more. Seleana on the other hand?”

“Hey, I’ll always be a supporter of little miss Zdunich. She has heart, she has soul, she’s a competitor and will always be someone I watch and want to see succeed. I will never say she isn’t a threat or someone who could beat me or any of the other top women in this company. And anyone who wants to talk shit about her can answer to me, cause I’ll plant my foot so far up their ass that they’ll have to open their mouth for me to get a pedicure…”

She pauses for a moment with a smirk coming across her ruby red lips, behind her on the large screens we see Vinnie hitting his end of days finisher on Jake and pinning him.

”But, that was just the first hurdle in this tournament. I told everyone that if you look at accomplishments and current form Vinnie and I are the team to beat in the blast from the past. See, Vinnie is a guy who has shown himself as one of the best of the best. And teaming with him, well it’s just re-enforced all of that. He knows what he wants, I know what I want. And he and I will do all we can to get to where we need to be. As I said last week, it ain’t just about getting the rewards for winning the tournament. It’s winning the tournament itself for me. It’s going all the way back to the bottom of the ladder and using this tournament to claw my way back to the top. To remind everyone just what the hell Alicia Lukas can and will do.”

The screens flash again as Alicia puts her hands out to her sides. We see her holding the Honor Legacy title, the WWH women's world title, the Honor women’s title and the SCW Bombshells championship.

”Then again, I’m not the competitor I once was. Or, that’s what so many people want you to think. With the emergence of names in SCW like Amber Ryan and Maki and also the returns of Roxi and Courtney Pierce with Mikah it’s like my stock has fallen faster than Gamestops rose. I am a three time Bombshells champion, the longest single title reign yet my name is not on the tips of anyone lips. I’m not the “it” girl in SCW anymore. No, now it is Amber Ryan and even...Crystalina Zdunichroselton. I lost the title to Keira and she lost it right away to Crystal and what?...where is that title? Does it even matter now? You can say what you want about my title reigns, the shortness of the first one, the fact the second was so long that people resorted to saying I “held it hostage” to the third one where I lost to Keira….saying it didn’t matter...but atleast when I held the title it actually mattered…”

“When I was the champion I entered the Blast from the past. Where is Crystal? Why didn’t Keira enter to get a title shot? I lost the title to her and I didn’t take an auto rematch, I went right back to square one. Yet off she goes doing what I would get chastised, criticised and crucified for.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I could have said I wanted a rematch, I could have put my foot down and challenged Keira, I could have tried to get it back but I stepped back. I stepped away and wanted others to have the spotlight while I rebuilt myself from the ground up. And when push came to shove, Keira did what everyone else does, Keira did the selfish thing. So, now, well now my resolve is even stronger. Not just to win the Blast from the past and have that accolade but also to get a title shot, and go after whoever wins it….whether we have Keira and me, or Crystal and me...that’s what I am going to chase…”

The screens split, two images. Keira holding the title over Alicia, and Alicia holding it over Crystal. The screens then distort to just Alicia holding the Bombshells title again with all the pictures of the women she beat for and defended the title against.

”But to get there, to be able to stake my claim at a title opportunity and a moment to become a four time Bombshells champion I have to keep winning. Now, by itself that’s a hard thing to do but when you have to worry about a partner too it’s even more stressful, which is why I’m so happy to be teaming with a guy like Vinnie for the reasons I already stated. But, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about our second match in this tournament. Cause I think we’re facing the other team that could be considered favourites.”

“Cassian Reed and Roxi Johnson.”

“Cassian had exploded onto the SCW scene. An impressive guy who has that attitude to succeed. Yes Cassian I’ve noticed. You’ve entered SCW with a certain swagger and arrogance. But behind it, behind it is the most dangerous type of person. A person with a chip on their shoulder. I haven’t got the hows and why’s fivured out but I’m not blind or stupid. You are going to go far. And Vinnie would be stupid to underestimate you. You and Roxi were able to beat Slappy McGoo and Roxi’s own wife Keira. Slappy is a huge giant and despite his affable personality he’s a monster. And you were able to best him…”

“Vinnie is a big guy, a former world champion here and a guy who has done his best to be a star. So between you two, while my money would be on Vinnie, I know he has to keep his eyes open and not underestimate you.”

“Much like I can never and will never underestimate Roxi Johnson…”

Alicia can’t help but smile and laugh to herself as we switch to seeing Alicia and Roxi face to face with the Bombshells title between them,

”What can I say about you that I haven’t already Roxi? We have gone through the gamut of emotions, from respect to strong intense dislike. But through it all no matter what, as an in ring competitor I do respect you. And how couldn’t I? You have done it all, not just in SCW but in the wrestling world. You’ve taken time away, you’ve become a mother and have a happy relationship, you’ve been a world champion and have been respected by everyone. You had a series of mates against Amber Ryan that left me in awe, you’re a two time bombshells internet champion, a former bombshells tag team champion in team Hero and a three time Bombshells champion. And here you are looking to add the Blast from the past.”

“We have a storied history and it’s hard to sit here and get ready for a match against you, whether it’s a mixed tag, or just knowing you’re in a match against me, let alone one on one.”

“It’s not hard because I fear you or I’m intimidated Roxi, on the contrary, if I see your name on the other side of a match graphic I get excited as fuck and get pumped up in ways very few people can.”

“Nah Rox, what makes it hard to face you is the fact we have said and done so much to each other it’s hard to come up with anything new to say, or a new angle to come at this with. It’s just what it is. You and I both want the same thing, and we’re getting ready to try nand beat the hell out of each other to try and get it. You and to win the Blast from the past to have that honor like I do, you’re chasing a shot to become a four time champion, just like I am. I can’t say I’m going to beat you Roxi, I can’t.”

Alicia trails off for a moment and sighs heavily, the screens don’t change, this time it’s just Alicia, sitting on a stool, her hands on her lap.

”I’ve always been one to try and be honest, even if I have said something you don’t like your you bel;ieve is untrue or stretching the truth to me it has always been accurate from my perspective. And, I believe you have been the same way. I believe when you have said anything negative about me, about my record or title reign it has come from a place where you believe it’s true. And that’s fine, we all have those feelings. But this is always going to be bigger than any pettiness between us. This company, that title. Just like that title has been bigger than your marriage. You want to keep chasing it just like I do and the reason why I respect you is because of your tireless pursuit of it. The fact you love this business and you love doing this.”

“You lose and it effects you deeply, just like it does when I do. Because of how great you are. So, this week we face again, two teams, one goal. Winners live to fight another day and the losers have to sit back and watch the rest of the tournament wondering “what if?”. In the spirit of sportsmanship I’ll wish you both luck but you better bring everything you have and then some because Vinnie and I are coming for it...and we will bring hell with us…”

Square One

The time off had been good for her.

After a hectic 2020, the uncertainty of her job and the world at large, through political protests, human rights discussions and the pandemic hanging over everyone in the United States and the world at large it felt good to just come home and relax. Following Sin City Wrestling’s final show of the year Alicia hopped on a plane traveling back to New York City. Home of the main Wolfslair gym and where she lived with her husband Michael Reynolds and her sons Ryan and Rory. It was her turn to have them for christmas and what a time she had.

The pressure was off. The hard work Alicia had put in to comeback from injury paid off with a successful yet brief third run as SCW bombshells champion. And now she was ready to come home, to decompress and rebuild back up.

Her final match had been at Climax Control 286. It was right at the beginning of December, and after that match, she was ready for the time off.

She flew home, she walked in the door, put her gear bag down and let out a deep breath that had felt like something she had been holding in for months. The next month went along without incident. Alicia’s brother, mother and sister all came to stay for Christmas. They laughed, they smiled, they ate till they were stuffed and exchanged gifts. It was everything Alicia had wanted, everything she needed to make her life on the road justified. But as the new year came and went, Alicia knew she had to get back to work. Her first workout back, getting ready for anything SCW could throw at her, was at home. January 2nd, Wolfaslair was not open till January 6th, she sighed and took a long deep breath.

The first warm up, the first set of weights, all of it ached, all of it felt like more of a fight than she had been in the last few months.

She panted hard, sweat dripped from her body making her long blond hair stick to her shoulders. Alicia was blown up and she knew it. ”You really meant it when you said you wanted to start from scratch” She couldn’t help but smile as the voice of Michael Reynolds, her husband and business manager rang out through the door of the gym. Alicia turned towards him as he stepped in, his hands sliding into the front pockets of his jeans.His hair a little longer than normal, going from a short light brown to a wavy dirty blonde, and a five o’clock shadow that had turned into a beard.

The things covid imposed lockdown will do…

She smiled and gave a small shrug as she picked up two weights one in each hand. She took a few breaths and started pulling them up in unison towards her chest over and over, controlling her breathing and grunting with each repetition. Michael moved around her, his hands moving up to touch the gear, he too used the home gym to keep in shape, with one final deep breath pushed out Alicia finished her workout putting the dumbbells back on the rack, Michael reached down and picked up a towel handing it to her. Alicia just smiled warmly as Michael sat down on the weight bench. ”Almost time to go back….” She gave him a small nod. She knew what was coming. ”Are you sure you want to?”

Alicia sighed heavily and toweled herself down. She swallowed hard and moved to sit next to Michael. They had this conversation before. When Alicia first returned home. She looked beaten down, tired and in need of rest. Maybe even a normal life. She briefly thought about ending her career. Briefly. ”You know, for a minute I didn’t. For a minute I just wanted to call them, tell them I wasd done.” Michaels hand drifted over to hers, Alicia wrapping her fingers in with his giving her husband a small smile. ”But, I still have alot to offer, alot to do. So, I can’t.”

Michael sighed and squeezed her hand. He understood, he always does.

”I’m only 29, I turn 30 this year, I have so much more left in the tank and I-”

He put his hand up, he smiled and leaned in giving Alicia a kiss on the forehead. ”I know. I understand. But, if you want to have another child…” He trailed off. Alicia’s heart sank. She knew what Michael was getting at. The clock was ticking, as much as she didn’t want to believe it as much as she wanted to hide and ignore it. Even with medical science coming so far, Alicia only had a small amount of time left to try. And she knew it. ”You know I’m in your corner Vi.” She chuckled to herself and smiled, Michael got to his feet and turned holding out his hand to help her to her feet.

She stood up straight, her arms feeling heavier than they should as she winced. A small laugh coming from under her breath. ”It’s not june yet is it?...cause I already feel like 30 is biting me in the ass.” She walked passed Michael, he tilted his head and gave a small smirk, clearing his throat.

”From this angle you barely look 25…”

”HUR HUR HUR” She shot him a smile, Michael winked and stayed behind her, Alicia got a small confidence boost. But still. She felt sore, tired and now a reminder was put in her mind. The clock was ticking. On her career, and personal goals.

A knights tale

She sat cross legged on the floor. She pushed her back up straight and her chest out taking in a long, deep breath before pushing it out just as slow. Her bright blue eyes opened as Alicia Lukas forced. A small smile coming across her ruby red lips as her right eye twitched and narrowed, a black paint stripe under it across the top of her cheek, a trademark of her time in the ring.

”New year, same ol Alicia Lukas.”

She chuckled under her breath, her long hair tied in a bun as she straightened out her legs and stretched before pushing up to her feet. She wore black workout shorts, a pink and black crop top and her wrists were taped as she shook out her muscles and rolled her neck.

”I say that ‘cause, it’s true. I love my life, I love what I do. I love my family. I work hard and I continue to improve and get better year after year. A scary prospect for most of you since, and I know this is going to sound egotistical as hell, I’m better than you. And look, I am not hiding it. I know it’s a cocky thing to say but, where I differ from people like, say, Jesse Salco, is that when I say I’m better than most of you. It’s true. I have been since I signed my name on the dotted line in Sin city wrestling. And from that moment my name has been in lights, close to the main event and the top title. I had no time to grow into my surroundings, to work my way up from the bottom.To “pay my dues” as some people seem to put it.”

She can’t help but laugh, her arms folding over her chest as she stops pacing and shaking out her muscles, her face turning serious as she clears her throat to continue, a lot seems to be on Alicia’s mind.

”There’s a saying, the cream always rises to the top, right?. Well, I rose to the tp fast. I didn’t do it because I was favored, I didn’t do it because I begged for preferential treatment. I did it because Mark and Christian recognised talent when they could see it. They watched Honor Wrestling and even before SCW and Honor merged they courted me. They wanted Alicia Lukas in Sin City Wrestling for a few years prior and I always had other commitments that stopped me. So when I did walk into this company I did so with the knowledge that the men and women in charge knew for damn sure who the fuck I am.”

“And the worst part was, that I have been hated and vilified for it. From Mercedes Vargas, to Roxi Johnson to Bobbie Dahl. I have been run down and dragged through the mud for simply being a goddamn talent. So, when I got hurt, I had goals. I wanted to beat Bobbie Dahl, I wanted to win back the title and I wanted to prove I was just as good now as I was before. And I have to say, I accomplished that mission. But then…”

“What was next?”

“Where was I supposed to go?”

“Well, I came up with the idea to do exactly what people like Mercedes, Roxi, Andrea, Bobbie and Jesse seemed to want me to do. I wanted to go back to square one and restart again in the new year. I wanted to walk in like I didn’t have a name ot a past. I wanted to just be...Alicia Lukas. But as it happens with life...things often don’t go as you expect. Cause as I have been reminded of so many times by people digging through my past...you can’t escape it.”

She sneers, her voice drops an octave and there seems to be a growl in her southern twang, her eyes narrow and there is a pure unfiltered anger that bubbles from deep in Alicia’s stomach.

”See, my final match of 2020 was against Jesse Salco. A woman who makes a habit of putting her foot in her mouth, saying outlandish things and never learning her lesson. Jesse Salco is the perfect example of someone not learning from her past and being doomed to repeat it. It’s a vicious cycle. She runs her mouth, acts like her losses never happen, she gets beaten, rinse and repeat. But, I refuse to be a victim to my past. I refuse to let it define me. I am a champion, I am someone who has been looked at as dominant. I am someone who has garnered the hatred, ire and vitriol of my fellow Bombshells.”

“But, I am not going to lean into that and let them shame me for what is about to happen.”

“I’m not looking at shooting my way up to the top, I still want to start at the bottom and work my way up and in a way I already started that process by wiping Jesse Salco’s blood off the sole of my boots and taking what was left of her goddamn soul from her body.”

There is a small pause, a chuckle from under her breath and a wink from her right eye directed at Christian Underwood.

”I’m done trying to justify my actions to any of you. So, when Christian asked, I said yes to being in the 2021 Blast from the past tournament. And this is my way at working my way back up to the top, I will either get a male counterpart who will DO HIS JOB, or I will drag a two hundred pound bag of shit to the promised land. Cause that is what I do. But, before the tournament starts, before I can start beating women like Roxi, Amber and others. I have to go one on one with Alice Knight in what many would consider to be a dream match. And I get why. Alice is a plucky go getter, a woman who has dragged herself up from obscurity to be a real darling in the wrestling world.”

“She has respect, she’s won championships, she had a pretty face and a smile that lights up a room and she has been nothing but a sweetheart to me whenever we have spoken. In fact I dare say, I like Alice Knight. I respect Alice Knight…”

“But…”

“I question her devotion to wrestling and to this company.”

“Alice is someone who has been in and out of SCW and wrestling for the last few years. She turns up, plods around on social media with people, has a few matches then goes off into the ether. And for someone with so much potential as her, that is sad and a mistake on her part. And since she’s been back in Sin city she hasn’t been able to really push herself forward as a contender or as someone any of us should really worry about. I mean sure, Alice might pick up a win here and there, she might worry someone or get6 close to a title shot...but...close isn’t good enough.”

She shrugs and sighs heavily before stepping forward and slowly sitting back down on the weight bench to her right, her hands clasping together.

”And Alice, I’m not saying this to be mean or to pick on you. When I go after people like Jesse, Bea Barnhart or Violet Amelia Holt it’s because people like them genuinely feel like I am wasting my time on social media promoting a match or cutting a promo against them or even, turning up to beat them. But with you? I can see the potential, I see what others have seen when they look at your OCW run and what you are capable of stringing together. But you haven’t been able to do it in Sin city. And despite the fact that I lost the Bombshells title to Keira and I’ve dropped back a little...well..”

“I’m still Alicia Lukas…”

“I’m still the first woman to win wrestler of the year, I’m still a former three time bombshells champion and someone who holds records in WWH, Honor wrestling and SCW. I’m still one of the best wrestlers in the world and until you can step up and realise that potential we have all seen Alice, well, you won’t step up to me, you won’t beat me and on Climax Control I will have my hand raised in the air again. People will whine, people will complain and you may have a line of bombshells ready to pay you on the back and spin you a tail of big bad Alicia Lukas “killing” the division again. Those same people will HATE that I’m in the blast from the past and they will whisper and bitch and piss and moan. I hope you won’t join them Alice.”

“I hope this Sunday you step in that ring and show us all the same Alice Knight that ruled OCW, not the Alice Knight who has limped through every match she’s had in Sin city and then tucked her tail and run….because I want...the real Alice Knight…”

Judgement

Have you ever been waiting for an answer to a question and it felt like your heart was going to explode?. Have you ever been terrified of a decision that ultimately was out of your hands? Have you ever known your life was about to change completely in the space of 10 minutes or less? That’s what Alicia Lukas was being faced with. But it wasn’t really Alicia a Lukas was it?. Alicia was her stage name and a persona that she showed the world. Alicia was confident, arrogant and could be brutal. This was Violet Maxwell. And she was completely different. Here, sitting in this courtroom, waiting for a judge to either give or take her children, Violet was close to tears.

Alicia wouldn’t feel this way.

That is all the brain through her mind. Like some kind of mantra. Alicia would not be this upset, she would not be sitting here with her arms in her lap holding herself like a scared child. Alicia would not have let her ex fiancé sit there and blatantly lie about her. She would not have broken down into tears as she detailed the abuse she went through for years all the while wondering if the judge was actually believing her or thinking that she was some kind of opportunistic liar. Alicia and Violet were two very different people. And she knew it. She hated it. It made Alicia feel sick. In Japan she discovered her voice, she worked hard and became a star. She walked out in front of thousands of people and earned respect. Respect of her trainers, other wrestlers and fans.

But here, back in the United States, back in her home state and country where very few people knew who she was or cared, she felt like a nobody. And there were eyes on her. Her own attorney. Her mother, Ronnie, Ronnie’s attorney. They all stared at her and she could feel it in the pit of her stomach. She felt like she was going to throw up. She felt her stomach even her body changed. It seemed to built-up fever pitch when she heard it, the click of the lock on the door behind the front of the court room.

Everyone stood up as the judge turned around the corner. He took his seat and sat down and everyone else did the same. Alicia was breathing in and out fast, the hands of clammy, she felt uncomfortable in her dress. Uncomfortable where she was sitting. Uncomfortable that everyone’s eyes were on her. She could barely make out what the judge was saying, she was shaking so hard I’m so nervous and filled with anxiety. ”The last few days we have heard a list of disturbing things from both sides.” Violet swallowed hard keeping down her breakfast.

Bacon, eggs and sausage was a bad decision.

She closed her eyes tight and focused on her breathing. Her head throbbing and aching. ”And while I cannot verify or find proof for or against the claims made by either party, I can look at the actions and passionate pleas” She could feel her heart racing, hear the beating in her own ears. Her chest erupted, her body tensed up in ways she could never imagine. Her mother reached over grabbing and squeezing her hand. It helped. ”While the children have been cared for by their father, the evidence that he had knowingly and systematically attempted to erase their mother from their lives is unacceptable. So it is of the opinion of this court that Rory and Ryan Maxwell must be returned to their mother Violet Maxwell for full custodial rights..”

She burst into tears. A weight was lifted. Her mother reached over pulling Violet into a hug. Barbara started crying, the first time she had ever seen her mother cry. There was a bang of the gavel, Violet looked up at her lawyer with a tearful smile. Mr Barnett smiled back. ”Thank you.” He gave a nod and picked up his briefcase. Violet took a long deep breath, she looked over at Rinnie. She couldn’t help but smile as he tore shreds off his legal team. His arms flailed, his voice cracked. Violet sat back and looked over at her mother. ”We won….they’re coming home momma.”

They got to their feet. Barbara hold her daughter‘s hand and led her from the court room. They made their way around and outside. As they started to walk down the steps Violet stepped and looked up at the building that she had grown to hate. But now, it was a sign of hope. Violet took a long deep breath, but as sge exhaled the confidence and power returned. Now she felt like Alicia fucking Lukas. And nothing was going to stop her…

Can’t chose your tag partners

”This is so exhausting. Being me.”

Alicia slowly looked up with an exasperated sigh.

”Can I ask a question? Where are my challengers at? Hm?. My defence against Keira was announced with the caveat that I may not be champion by High Stakes. So I said, anyone who wants a shit, just come at me. And then? Silence. When Evie was champion she was calling bombshells out and had bombshells all over her, I became the champion, for the third time, and all of y’all lose your voices. You become silent. A silent majority. Where’s Andrea?. Where’s Roxi?. Where’s Amber? Shit, at this point I’d take Violet Amelia Holt or Bea Barnhart. But nothing, not even Jessie Salco! So now, I’m going into the match with Keira basically cold. Cause I haven’t been booked in anything. Right up to this week. But, before I get into this weeks match and how much of a joke it is, I just want to remind every single one of you bombshells out there that you have had a month to challenge me, and you haven’t, so none of you can whine about my title rain since none of you have the fucking balls to do anything about it.”

Alicia shakes her head and pulls the SCW bombshells championship title up and over the shoulder holding it tight to the chest. The long blonde hair swept over one side of her face has it dangles down just like many of the promotional pictures.

”I’m sure some people must think I’m ecstatic at this match. Because I’ll be teaming up with my fellow well champion. So the whole if I hold up my end of the bargain so will my partner thing should come into play right? The only problem is that doesn’t happen with Jack Washington. Before his match with Alex when he became the world champion, Jack left his partners high and dry because he didn’t feel like teaming. And, that really is a problem because what we have here is a fundamental difference in psychology and understanding when it comes to this business and what it’s about. I’m in professional wrestling not just for money or accolades, I don’t just want to be famous, I want to be the best. I want to finish my career with the highest amount of wins that I can possibly get as opposed to losses. And unfortunately in matters like this that means I actually have to care what my partner does and doesn’t do. And since he doesn’t like teaming with people, and since he prefers personal glory over actually winning improving himself to be a champion, I’m up shit creek without a goddamn paddle or a fucking canoe”

“And I get it, we have this whole champions versus challenges mindset. That’s great that’s just fucking peachy. What would it have killed Mark and Christian instead of doing this knowing that it was going to screw me over, to just team me with Austin?. Instead of teaming with someone who I know, I respect, and I know will actually turn up and do his job. I have to team with an arrogant self-righteous man child who has no idea what it is to actually be professional or champion. Thank you Mark thank you Christian it’s so nice of you when you deliver these things to me. And before anyone gets any bright ideas about me complaining about this match, I’m not complaining about the match I’m complaining about my partner.”

“Because I don’t trust him not to just leave me hanging.”

“The one saving grace about this match is the fact that it’s mixed tag. So if Jack does decide to tuck  his tiny little balls back up into his stomach so they become ovaries and leave it’ll still be one on one because then it’ll be me and Keira. But this is supposed to be a tagteam match. I’m supposed to be going into this match knowing that my partner is going to be there ready to take on my opponents partner. I’m supposed to be going into this match knowing that we are going to be tagging in an out in some kind of conducive work. But I don’t know that. I don’t trust him. And I really should be able to, I should respect my partner. After all this is a guy who is the current world champion. He or someone who beat my mental and my friend and the leader of our stable. I should be able to stand here in front of all of you and say I respect Jack Washington.”

“But I can’t, and I don’t. See when he was going against Alex he decided to bring me into it, he brought Austin into it and while Austin will still sit there and show him respect because that’s what Austin does I want. I have worked years to be where I am and even in just this company I have become a star and I am a sure fire Hall of Famer. And when I’m teaming with someone who not only doesn’t respect that but downright pisses on it? You can assume that I’m going to be a very very bad mood.”

Her eyes narrow, she shakes her head and sighs heavily trying to calm herself down.

”now where does that leave Austin? I put in this very strange position where I’m gonna be on the other side of this team but I kind of want to watch Austin beat the crap out of my tag team partner. But if you take my dislike for Jack out of this then we are still left with the fact that Austin is one of my friends. I want him to succeed but that means me succeeding and winning this match affects him. I have to beat someone that I actually care about. It would be the same with Alex was that would be the same if Johanna was on another team or my opponent. And Austin spoke about it last week, momentum. This is the first chance I’ve had to actually be in the ring for a long time. I don’t know why I haven’t been booked, I don’t know why I haven’t had any matches but it just happened that way. So I need momentum going into this match. But sodas Austin. He needs momentum going into a match with Jack for the world championship. He has a chance to become a two  time champion.”

“And me winning this tag match could disrupt that. He could get in his head and play with his preparation. And I don’t like that feeling. But the competitor in me won’t allow it to happen. I can’t sit here and not give my all and Austin knows that, just like I know he’s going to get in the ring into everything he possibly can to beat Jack Washington down and win the match for his team. That is what you have when you team with someone from Wolfslair. You get someone who will put personal issues aside and just try and win the match. We can dislike our partners, even hate them, but we will put that aside to do the right thing. And that’s even more true for someone like Austin. In a world where certain people keep saying that we all sound alike? Austin is someone who is different. Alex will win at all costs, Johanna is an angry and dangerous bitch…”

“And me?. Well everyone knows the kind of person I am.”

“But Austin is, well he’s all about honor. He’s all about respect. When Austin gets beaten he doesn’t get mad, hell Kedron cheated to be him, and Austin didn’t get mad. He just kind of shrugged it off and said that next time he would watch a lot more closely and wouldn’t fall into the same trap. When I lost the bombshells championship the first time, when Crystal whacked me over the head and Seleana pinned me,  it was Austin who pulled me aside, sat me down and told me that there was no point in getting angry about things that I could not control. We then went and trained and talk some more and by the end of it he had me so confident insuring my abilities that I knew I was not going to make the same mistake twice and that if Crystal came anywhere near the ring while I was having a match I would knock her three ways from Sunday and still be her wife. That is the mentality we have, that is the family that we have. And Austin is a part of that family, he is the heart of the family. And it makes me feel horrible that when I get in the ring this week...I have to break that heart…”

She shrugs but you can see the sadness in her eyes. She clutches the bombshells championship closer to her chest as she stares ahead. Alicia very slowly snaps out of it and looks back up with the camera, she’s a consciously moves the strap of the title belt out of the way so everyone can see that she’s wearing black and red Wolfslair shirt

”You get to benefit from this don’t you Keira?. Think about it, I’m stuck with the selfish world champion he doesn’t like being in tag matches, he will walk out on his partners when he feels like it, and you get the guy who is so honorable that he would never do such a thing and will watch your back despite not really liking you. Now, I’m not gonna comment on our match that should be happening at High Stakes, that’s what is going to happen when we get to that. I’m not even gonna comment about the whole seven deadly sins bullshit that’s floating around everywhere. Again that’s something that I’m gonna drag out under the bus when we are not facing each other. No, instead I’d like to talk about the fact you have this big match coming up and you seem to be more preoccupied with something stuck in your brain and your own wife and Candy than the title match coming up.”

“It takes one look on social media or on the actual shows to see where your mind is at. And this whole thing with your wife and Sin and Candy it’s maddening to me Keira. For so long you’ve wanted a title shot.  Not just for any title you want of the title shot against the top title. You kept trying the entire time I was champion last time, and you repeatedly failed, this time though you get your title shot and instead of focusing on that and preparing for that, there’s all of this distraction. All of this inconsequential, bullshit. If you face me and any type of match, whether it be this tag team match or a one on one match you need to have a clear head and a complete understanding of what you’re going to be putting up with when you get in the ring with me. And the Fact you decided to go out there on Twitter and say that you were going to make sure I stay champion, like I need your help, shows that there is a fatal misunderstanding here of this dynamic. So let me explain it to you nice and slow so that even someone like you can understand.”

“You are the challenger. The challengers job is to challenge with the title. It doesn’t matter who the champion is, they just have to turn up and do their best when it comes to winning a championship from the champion, which would be me. My job as the champion is to make sure I stay the champion for as long as I possibly can and to make the championship mean something. I do that by cutting promos on TV shows, by mentioning my title and getting people to tune in on social media and by winning matches. That’s my job. But to do my job I need you to do your job, and what is your job?”

“Is it to constantly talk about this Sin character? Is it to laugh while your bean head wife cucks you on Twitter every Wednesday?. I’m not sure you even know how to be a proper challenger because you’ve never had to do it. But now you do. And as we go into this tag match, you’re going to have moments where you can get information about me. Where you can learn how I act in the ring, you are going to be able to have experience against me and information. And if you’re actually focused you might learn something. Focus on me, don’t focus on the bullshit around you, focus on me, the champion. Because I don’t want a weak challenger, how am I supposed to make this championship mean something again when I don’t have a challenger who actually knows what they’re doing?.”

“So get prepared sweetheart, go talk strategy with Austin, meet myself and Jack in the ring. And let’s see if you actually learn anything or if you’re too blinded by the stupidity in front of you.”

Bleed it out….

It had been a rough few weeks. Since Summer XXXtreme. The match ran through her mind over and over again. What could she have done differently?. What was the reason for her loss?. Questions everywhere but very few answers. So, she did what she always does when it’s time to refocus and reboot. She threw herself into the gym. She threw herself into working out and into improving her body. But it was always more than that.

Alicia arrived early. Not just before any of the other members, before any of the owners. Alex and Sonya had given her a key long ago, she arrived and opened the large roller door lifting the metal up as it coiled behind the wall above. She took a long deep breath in and smiled. She felt comfortable here, she felt right. Even as the virus ravaged the world, and the greater United States, things had started changing, getting back to a small amount of normality.

She could travel, she could stay with her family, she could train at her home gym. These were all things she had taken for granted over the last few months since returning from injury.

Humans are creatures of habit, we gravitate towards the comfort and the familiar. Even though Alicia had taken herself out of her comfort zone many times over the years she had always craved stability. From when she was a little girl to now, she needed a stable home life, a stable friendship base. Things she had at home. The smell hit her, first thing in the morning. The cleaning products that had kept everything sterile. Even before the pandemic Alex always made sure they cleaned at the end of the day.

”Take pride in the gym, take pride in yourself” She muttered to herself, It was something Alex had said many times, but also something that had been said to her back in Japan. A mantra of respect and honor. Things that were instilled in her from day one of starting down this path in life. Back to basics. Back to the grind. She turned the lights on and smiled placing her back down at the side. She was in her gear, the aic con was on, the music was on and Alicia was in the workout room, the weights sitting around her.

She hooked her legs at the end of the bench that was tilted at a 45 degree angle, holding a fifty pound plate to her chest and started doing sit ups. Each one using her core to push herself up as sweat started to drip from her body to the mat beneath her. The music seemed to drown out the rest of the sounds, her grunting, the movement of the bench she was laying on, all of it. Even the footsteps of the next person to arrive.

His voice broke through the focus. ”How long have you been doing that?” Alex smiled and shook his head, two coffees in his hands. He placed on down near the machine, Alicia could smell it, the caffeine, the shot of hazelnut flavour. She sighed and moved the large metal plate over to the floor, reaching up to unhook her legs from the top of the bench. Alex moved around and sat down on the nearest bench taking a sip of his own coffee. Alicia sat on the floor, her legs crossed as she drank her own.

She couldn’t help but smile. Coffee made her happy. ”You know me, After a win, I’m here early, after a loss...I barely leave.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. She was right of course. Alicia had always been that way. ”You know it wasn’t your fault right?” She looked up raising an eyebrow, ”The loss, things happen, and Andrea is a variable” A small smirk came across her lips as she slowly nodded. She knew he was right But it still wasn’t an excuse. Alicia never liked excuses. Even if they were valid. ”You really haven’t changed. Not one bit since I met you kid...a blessing and a curse being this good…”

He pushed to his feet and moved out towards the office, his coffee in hand. Alicia took a long deep breath in looking down at the top of the coffee up, her finger danced along the plastic rim as steam billowed from the slit in the top.

Her mind flashed back, 8 years ago, Tokyo Japan. A young Alicia Lukas sat on her knees, her back straight. She was next to three other women, all Japanese and men lined up next to them in ascending height order. Her long blond hair was tied back with a few small pink accents throughout. Her bright blue eyes stared forward, a large purple bruise visible on her cheek. There was a loud clap and the trainees all stood up, they gave a small bow and everyone but Alicia walked out to the outer area and to the kitchen to eat.

Alicia though moved around the gym moving mats, rolling them up and making sure the ropes were wiped down in both practice rings. She sighed and cleaned the turnbuckle pads before jumping down off the apron to the floor. She had left one ring untouched, she slid in and moved around it, feeling the canvas beneath her feet, the plywood, the cabled ropes. Alicia closed her eyes and smiled before taking off hitting the ropes over and over again, putting her lead arm out to pull herself against the cables and back again, she suddenly stopped and changed angles before rolling and popping back to her feet.

But she wasn’t alone, a pair of eyes were watching her, his arms over his chest as he stepped towards the ring with a laugh. ”Everyone else is eating” Alicia startled and turned, it was Alex Jones. A young fellow american wrestler from texas who had been a pro for about five years. He was six foot tall, athletic and had long dark hair with blond streaks and piercing green eyes. Alicia bit her lip, she was 19 years old, had been in japan a few months and had only got her foot in the door because of her father.

”You know how it is. I’m not    Japanese, and I’m female. Double the sin, triple the work” Alex chuckled. She wasn’t wrong.

Alicia had turned up with her bag, a few dollars and a name of the head instructor, a man who had known her father Jason Maxwell. The seven foot tall american kaiju. The gym took her in, let her train in exchange for cleaning. She had to pay her dues, they went hard on her. There were no promises in the ring, no promises of training or glory. And definitely no preferential treatment. Her cheek burned, a reminder of her position in the gym. Beneath everyone else. A lesson learned with an errant elbow, a receipt for her own careless mistake.

Alex moved along the apron, his hand reaching out to move his fingertips along the canvas. Alex had been announced as a guest for a few shows, leading a contingent of stars from New Championship Wrestling. Their farewell tour as the company was going to close in a few months. Alex sighed and looked over at Alicia.”You want to show me what you’ve learned?” The question caught her off guard, her jaw dropped and she swallowed hard. This was not the same Alicia we know today.

She had the blond hair, the bright blue eyes and the smile. But there was no arrogance, no battle hardened ring IQ, she was still five foot six, but was barely a hundred pounds. She had no muscle, no power. The curves and muscles we see today were a year or two off beginning. This wasn’t Alicia Lukas. This was Violet Maxwell, debutant daughter of Scarlett Justine and Jason Maxwell. A 19 year old rookie…

”Sure.”

She smiled, she panicked. What the hell did she say?. What did she agree too?. Why would she agree?. She pulled herself onto the apron, stepped into the ring and looked Alex up and down. They locked up, before she knew it Alex had her wrist, he had ducked under and spun around behind her. He wrenched her arm up into a hammerlock, Alicia tried everything, she tried to turn into it, Alex moved his legs to the outside, she tried to duck under and grab his leg, Alex stepped back. Alicia was frustrated, she was panicked. And then it happened. She threw her arm back, connecting with the side of Alexs head, he was off balance, Alicia spun, wrapped her legs around his and took him down with a drop toe hold.

It was basic. But it was effective.

Alicia got to her feet and stepped back as Alex smirked and stood up with a nod. ”Not bad. Considering you’ve been doing this six months, maybe less.” How did he know?. Alicia looked confused as Alex slowly leaned back on the top rope. ”Keep it up, don’t quit. Your effort, everything you’ve done...it hasn’t been unnoticed. Good luck...I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other again.” He held out his hand, Alicia took it and as Alex slid from the ring Alicia couldn’t help but smile.

The easy way

”I sit on a gilded throne…”

Her voice was soft, low but still audible. A small exhale followed as Alicia tilted her head sideways. Her long hair flowing down her back and shoulders from under a black bandana. A small flash of a smile betrays her true feelings and intentions. Bubbling beneath the surface, beneath the smiline, the painted red lips and the youthful looks was an anger and frustration. A self loathing feeling buried deep in her stomach. Anger at herself. Frustration at her failures.

And also, anger at how the story was unfolding, frustrations of a forced narrative.

Alicia sat with the light off, her hands clasped together, her legs crossed under her body. She moved her head sideways staring down at the light coming from her phone, the record light was on, she knew she had to say something, anything. But fort the first time in her life, the former champion and dominant force was speechless. She had nothing prepared. Nothing in her mind. No sheet full of statistics and facts ready to be read from to prove her points. This was an unprepared Alicia.

Time to speak from the heart….

”If you believe what some say about me, I am a pampered prissy little diva. Handed opportunities and titles based on my looks and my ability to politically maneuver myself into positions of power. Talking my way into people's minds and bringing them down to the point of failure. So that before the match even happens I have already won half the battles before the war. I have this ability to twist and turn facts into my favour, to verbally dress down people and break them into a million little pieces. So before I even step into the ring with them, they are broken, battered, bruised. Their egos, destroyed and their self confidence eaten and digested.”

“Part of that is true. Part of it is a game plan. But at the same time, there are a lot of misconceptions. And I’m going to prove, right now, that there is nothing, any of you can say about me, this is as bad as the truth. And as horrible as my story and past.”

“They think I had it easy….and members of my family..well they really did…”

“My mother, grew up into a family of money. She was a pretty little bird in a cage. Given all she ever wanted and desired by a doting mother and father. They spoiled her, showed her with gifts, affection and words of affirmation and all she had to do to keep her position was do all they wanted. And for twenty two years, that's what she did. All thew way till she met my father. Jason Maxwell. A seven foot tall, blonde haired blue eyes mound of muscle, a former college star football player turned wrestler. And...cupid struck…”

“My mother and father had five years together, three children and a lifetime of anger, regret and blame.”

Alicia’s nostrils flared, her heart sank as she talked about dear old daddy, she looked over at a picture of him, from his younger days. His long hair flipped to one side, a grin on his face, his hands up and a two sweet sign flashed. She shook her head and buried the anger down.

”My mother took the easy way out. Instead of sticking with my dad, following him so myself, Josh and Zoey could know him, she went back to her parents, to the money, to the easy life. Great role model eh?. But of course, I’ve had it easy to right?. I got to grow up with my grandparents' money and take the easy way too. I took the easy way out when at sweet sixteen I was set up with one of my grandfather's friends' sons. I took the easy way out when by 18 I had two sons and I was a teenage mother living off my very very abusive boyfriends dime…”

“And I certainly took the EASY way out when I stood in the bathroom, looking over a sink filled with hot water and a goddamn razor in my hand. I took the easy way out when I made the decision to get out of the country in the middle of the night, go to Japan with twenty five dollars to my name. I had it EASY getting my head kicked in every damn day in Tokyo. I had it easy coming back to the states, falling into abusive relationship after relationship because of my own mistakes, having to earn back my kids trust and also finding my father only to lose him to a goddamn heart attack just after I got married…”

“Explain, explain to me how any of that...was easy….”

“I don’t tell you all this because I want to be looked at as a pariah or have people feel sorry for me. I’m telling you this because I want the reality to sink in. Into every single one of you. That there is nothing you can say to me or about me that is in any way, shape or form worse than what I have gone through or thought about myself in the past. See, real power is being able to look at your past, and not let it repeat itself. Because time, history and actions...all move in a cycle. And to be able to break that cycle, well, that shows true spirit and power…”

She nods slowly and sighs deep, her anger still bubbling unjust under the surface, her mind focusing from herself and the admissions of her own shortcomings to that of the future. And her showdown with Evie Jordan, and the championship she wants so desperately in her hands again.

”This entire story, the whole narrative is built behind arrogance. But, it’s the wrong type of arrogance. See, everything, from the attitude of those around me, to the backstage officials and their talk, all the way to the synopsis leading into my and Evie’s match this coming Sunday is all predicated on the belief that I think Evie didn’t beat me at Summer XXXtreme. That I believe that title still belongs to me. And Sin City Wrestling is putting words in my mouth.”

“Go back and listen to what I said before Summer XXXtreme. I told Evie she needed to validate her championship reign and show us all that the win over Andrea wasn’t a fluke. I told her that beating myself and Andrea was the key to restoring honor and prestige to that championship. And, that is all I wanted. The two ways that the title was going to become what it needed to be and find its way back to the main event as the crown jewel of wrestling was either by being in my hands at the end of the night, or by Evie Jordan beating me, and walking out as champion…”

“That is how you fix the title, that is how you remind everyone what that title means after the clusterfuck of what Roxi, Christina and Andrea did to it.”

“But, I didn’t say Evie had to PIN me or make ME tap to beat me. Now, the entire wrestling world is patting us all on the back for the match we had at Summer XXXtreme and so they should. We went in there and we put it all on the line and at the end of the night Evie walked out holding that title high. She deserves to be celebrated for that, she deserves her time in the sun and her time to gloat and stamp her feet and proclaim that she is the best professional wrestler in the bombshells division because two weeks ago on the cruise ship…”

“She proved it….”

“Evie Jordan is the champion, Evie Jordan is the best and Evie Jordan can scream it from the rooftops and now, well now it’s up to me to prove her wrong and to take that title and indeed the throne back. And there’s all this talk about how I wasn’t “beaten” at Summer XXXtreme and it would be so EASY to play into that. It would be easy for me to stroke ,my own ego, to look into the little camera on my iPhone ands record and scathing, arrogant self righteous promo and tell you all how it was a fluke and that one on one she can’t beat me and all the things I’m sure so many of you thought you’d hear from me…”

She leans forward, her voice softens, all the anger has been released, the frustration thrown out for the world to see and hear. Her body language relaxing as her shoulders drop and her breathing returns to normal, the bubbling fire setting aside to her own realisation in the face of admissions of guilt and failure.

”Evie Jordan can beat me, she had beaten me. And this week you should all tune in, but not because I can guarantee I will walk out as champion. You should all watch...cause I CAN’T guarantee it...and that...that should excite you….Evie..lets go to war…”