Lying to yourself

”I’m Fine”

Two words, said multiple times. A lie that she kept telling herself. A lie that was now repeating in her head over and over again. The last week had been hell. A moment that she didn’t want known had been broadcast all over social media and the company. A moment of weakness that Alicia had tried to just push down and not care about. This wasn’t the first time Alicia had felt like this. Not the first time she had been made to feel insignificant and been threatened. But the difference between all those years ago and now was that she was stronger. But she remembered the feeling. She remembered it all and it all came flooding back. A life that she had left behind along with a name and a past.

Violet Maxwell.

Her birth name and something she had tried to forget. A last name given to her by a father that valued his own feelings and future over his children. A name that was given to her only to be pushed away when her own mother put her up for what many would consider to be an arranged marriage. A great southern tradition. But it was a marriage and a life that would almost break her and lead her to take her own life. Pushed and pulled into a spiral of depression. It culminated in a moment she would never forget. A desperate night where she was ready to simply end it all.

But she didn’t.

She ran away but fought to regain an identity.

An identity that had to live by letting the old one die. Alicia went from a teenage mother, betrothed to an abusive man who was treating her like an emotional and sometimes physical punching bag, to being a strong, independent woman who was a star in the professional wrestling world. A multi-time world champion and a woman who was scared of no one. That’s who Alicia Lukas was. The Lioness, the queen of wolves, the strong style southern belle. All names that she had earned through blood, sweat, tears and triumph. It was a persona and a career forged in the fires of competition.

All around the world. From Europe, to Japan, to Mexico and the United States. Through Honor Wrestling, WWH, LAW, 4CW, IWF and now SCW. Company after company she faced the best and went on to have historic and impressive title reigns. This was Alicia Lukas, this was who she had become. But last week, every fight she had one, every accomplishment earned...it all turned to ashes, and got carried away by the wind.

Her eyelids fluttered. She twitched. She could feel Austins hand on her wrist, turning and squeezing it causing blood vessels to pop and her skin to turn yellow and purple. His strength scared her. A six foot six beast whose eyes had once been kind and loving. Like a brother. Like family. But now, those eyes were black, deep and soulless. Like a void with nothing inside them. There was no kindness, no heart. Just anger and cruelty. His face morphed from his own to Travis Blakes, to Kaden Kessler, to Chris Cane and finally to Ronnie. All of her failed relationships, men who used her in different ways, abused her in different ways. All her past mistakes. All rolled into one terrifying moment.

Monsters who stripped little parts of her, one by one taking a piece of her soul.

Alicia changed too. It was not the Alicia we know now. Not the well put together strong woman with an athletic build. No, her hair was shorter, thinner, her body was too. She was younger, terrified.

Everything went fuzzy, as if she had been hit.

She fell to her knees, her heart racing fast as the side of her face started to bruise and swell like her wrist. Tears started to form in her eyes and her body started to shake hard. Her arms wrapped around herself as the feeling of lose and desperation entered her like a bullet through the heart. She was back there again. Nineteen years old, locked in that bathroom, the feeling of hot water and steam filling the room. Her face and hair damp with the feeling of the air now weighing heavy.

Her eyes open, they scan the room.

They focus down on the razor blade. The same one from that night. A shaking hand moves over to it, guiding her to it. The feeling of the handle was like an old friend giving her a reassuring hug. Telling her it’ll be ok. She’ll be at peace soon. All feelings of trepidation were gone. It was going to be ok She told herself, but the voice wasn’t hers. It was distorted. Different. Michael, Rory, Ryan. The men in her life who had never done her wrong. The husband who saved her, the sons she abandoned once but loved more than life itself.

They would be better off

She swallowed, her eyes trailing up to the mirror, it was her. But her from years ago.

Hello Violet

The blade was pulled, she felt the release, she felt it. And it was all she needed. Freedom.

”Ali?”

Michaels voice. Pulling her back. Her eyes open, she shoots up confused. Her body is heavy and wet. Cold. Her chest heaving up and down as she looks around frantically. The room slowly comes into view. The television at the end of the room was off, the window was closed as the snow settled on the outside. Michael was asleep, his eyes shut, his short light brown hair messy with his beard. Alicia let out a sigh as she tried to calm herself down.

She slipped from their bed, her footsteps creaking on the old wooden floor. The door was open a crack as the light in the hallway was left on. She moved down towards the two rooms near the stairs heading down to the first floor. She stopped in front of one room, opening the door slightly with a smile looking at Rory, his leg hanging off the best, snoring loudly, scrawled all over the place.

The door shut again and she turned doing the same thing with Ryan's room, unlike his brother Ryan was wrapped up in his blanket, sleeping like a log, not snoring, just peaceful. She sighed and moved back down into the master bedroom before walking back around to the bathroom door.

She turned on the light and stepping to the sink, she looked into the mirror studying her face. It was her. Present day her. She let out a relieved breath and looked down. Her eyes trailing over to her wrist, it was still bruised and purple, she couldn’t breathe. Her chest suddenly stopped. Her hand started shaking again and she backed away from the mirror, her back touching the wall as she slid down sitting on the cold white tiles, her knees pulled to her chest as she looked up at the ceiling.

I’m fine

The Second Hurdle

”I told y’all”

The voice of Alicia Lukas cuts through the darkness, she steps forward and comes into view, she is in a large media room. Screens all around her flicker and stay on with distorted images. Right now we see ones from last week. Vinnie and Alicia teaming together.

”The mariachi wolves rose up and did what we do. Win. See Vinnie is, what I like to call, an opportunist. He knows how to look around and find ways to win. Much like myself. And hey, the match last week, Jake Sullican and Seleana Zdunich, they tried hard, I think Jake proved if he wanted to come back to SCW full time he could and would be successful, Kind of. See, he would still struggle against guys like Vinnie, Kris Ryan, Alex, Ben Jordan and Fenris. But, as a midcard talent? Well I could see Jake doing more. Seleana on the other hand?”

“Hey, I’ll always be a supporter of little miss Zdunich. She has heart, she has soul, she’s a competitor and will always be someone I watch and want to see succeed. I will never say she isn’t a threat or someone who could beat me or any of the other top women in this company. And anyone who wants to talk shit about her can answer to me, cause I’ll plant my foot so far up their ass that they’ll have to open their mouth for me to get a pedicure…”

She pauses for a moment with a smirk coming across her ruby red lips, behind her on the large screens we see Vinnie hitting his end of days finisher on Jake and pinning him.

”But, that was just the first hurdle in this tournament. I told everyone that if you look at accomplishments and current form Vinnie and I are the team to beat in the blast from the past. See, Vinnie is a guy who has shown himself as one of the best of the best. And teaming with him, well it’s just re-enforced all of that. He knows what he wants, I know what I want. And he and I will do all we can to get to where we need to be. As I said last week, it ain’t just about getting the rewards for winning the tournament. It’s winning the tournament itself for me. It’s going all the way back to the bottom of the ladder and using this tournament to claw my way back to the top. To remind everyone just what the hell Alicia Lukas can and will do.”

The screens flash again as Alicia puts her hands out to her sides. We see her holding the Honor Legacy title, the WWH women's world title, the Honor women’s title and the SCW Bombshells championship.

”Then again, I’m not the competitor I once was. Or, that’s what so many people want you to think. With the emergence of names in SCW like Amber Ryan and Maki and also the returns of Roxi and Courtney Pierce with Mikah it’s like my stock has fallen faster than Gamestops rose. I am a three time Bombshells champion, the longest single title reign yet my name is not on the tips of anyone lips. I’m not the “it” girl in SCW anymore. No, now it is Amber Ryan and even...Crystalina Zdunichroselton. I lost the title to Keira and she lost it right away to Crystal and what?...where is that title? Does it even matter now? You can say what you want about my title reigns, the shortness of the first one, the fact the second was so long that people resorted to saying I “held it hostage” to the third one where I lost to Keira….saying it didn’t matter...but atleast when I held the title it actually mattered…”

“When I was the champion I entered the Blast from the past. Where is Crystal? Why didn’t Keira enter to get a title shot? I lost the title to her and I didn’t take an auto rematch, I went right back to square one. Yet off she goes doing what I would get chastised, criticised and crucified for.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I could have said I wanted a rematch, I could have put my foot down and challenged Keira, I could have tried to get it back but I stepped back. I stepped away and wanted others to have the spotlight while I rebuilt myself from the ground up. And when push came to shove, Keira did what everyone else does, Keira did the selfish thing. So, now, well now my resolve is even stronger. Not just to win the Blast from the past and have that accolade but also to get a title shot, and go after whoever wins it….whether we have Keira and me, or Crystal and me...that’s what I am going to chase…”

The screens split, two images. Keira holding the title over Alicia, and Alicia holding it over Crystal. The screens then distort to just Alicia holding the Bombshells title again with all the pictures of the women she beat for and defended the title against.

”But to get there, to be able to stake my claim at a title opportunity and a moment to become a four time Bombshells champion I have to keep winning. Now, by itself that’s a hard thing to do but when you have to worry about a partner too it’s even more stressful, which is why I’m so happy to be teaming with a guy like Vinnie for the reasons I already stated. But, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about our second match in this tournament. Cause I think we’re facing the other team that could be considered favourites.”

“Cassian Reed and Roxi Johnson.”

“Cassian had exploded onto the SCW scene. An impressive guy who has that attitude to succeed. Yes Cassian I’ve noticed. You’ve entered SCW with a certain swagger and arrogance. But behind it, behind it is the most dangerous type of person. A person with a chip on their shoulder. I haven’t got the hows and why’s fivured out but I’m not blind or stupid. You are going to go far. And Vinnie would be stupid to underestimate you. You and Roxi were able to beat Slappy McGoo and Roxi’s own wife Keira. Slappy is a huge giant and despite his affable personality he’s a monster. And you were able to best him…”

“Vinnie is a big guy, a former world champion here and a guy who has done his best to be a star. So between you two, while my money would be on Vinnie, I know he has to keep his eyes open and not underestimate you.”

“Much like I can never and will never underestimate Roxi Johnson…”

Alicia can’t help but smile and laugh to herself as we switch to seeing Alicia and Roxi face to face with the Bombshells title between them,

”What can I say about you that I haven’t already Roxi? We have gone through the gamut of emotions, from respect to strong intense dislike. But through it all no matter what, as an in ring competitor I do respect you. And how couldn’t I? You have done it all, not just in SCW but in the wrestling world. You’ve taken time away, you’ve become a mother and have a happy relationship, you’ve been a world champion and have been respected by everyone. You had a series of mates against Amber Ryan that left me in awe, you’re a two time bombshells internet champion, a former bombshells tag team champion in team Hero and a three time Bombshells champion. And here you are looking to add the Blast from the past.”

“We have a storied history and it’s hard to sit here and get ready for a match against you, whether it’s a mixed tag, or just knowing you’re in a match against me, let alone one on one.”

“It’s not hard because I fear you or I’m intimidated Roxi, on the contrary, if I see your name on the other side of a match graphic I get excited as fuck and get pumped up in ways very few people can.”

“Nah Rox, what makes it hard to face you is the fact we have said and done so much to each other it’s hard to come up with anything new to say, or a new angle to come at this with. It’s just what it is. You and I both want the same thing, and we’re getting ready to try nand beat the hell out of each other to try and get it. You and to win the Blast from the past to have that honor like I do, you’re chasing a shot to become a four time champion, just like I am. I can’t say I’m going to beat you Roxi, I can’t.”

Alicia trails off for a moment and sighs heavily, the screens don’t change, this time it’s just Alicia, sitting on a stool, her hands on her lap.

”I’ve always been one to try and be honest, even if I have said something you don’t like your you bel;ieve is untrue or stretching the truth to me it has always been accurate from my perspective. And, I believe you have been the same way. I believe when you have said anything negative about me, about my record or title reign it has come from a place where you believe it’s true. And that’s fine, we all have those feelings. But this is always going to be bigger than any pettiness between us. This company, that title. Just like that title has been bigger than your marriage. You want to keep chasing it just like I do and the reason why I respect you is because of your tireless pursuit of it. The fact you love this business and you love doing this.”

“You lose and it effects you deeply, just like it does when I do. Because of how great you are. So, this week we face again, two teams, one goal. Winners live to fight another day and the losers have to sit back and watch the rest of the tournament wondering “what if?”. In the spirit of sportsmanship I’ll wish you both luck but you better bring everything you have and then some because Vinnie and I are coming for it...and we will bring hell with us…”

Square One

The time off had been good for her.

After a hectic 2020, the uncertainty of her job and the world at large, through political protests, human rights discussions and the pandemic hanging over everyone in the United States and the world at large it felt good to just come home and relax. Following Sin City Wrestling’s final show of the year Alicia hopped on a plane traveling back to New York City. Home of the main Wolfslair gym and where she lived with her husband Michael Reynolds and her sons Ryan and Rory. It was her turn to have them for christmas and what a time she had.

The pressure was off. The hard work Alicia had put in to comeback from injury paid off with a successful yet brief third run as SCW bombshells champion. And now she was ready to come home, to decompress and rebuild back up.

Her final match had been at Climax Control 286. It was right at the beginning of December, and after that match, she was ready for the time off.

She flew home, she walked in the door, put her gear bag down and let out a deep breath that had felt like something she had been holding in for months. The next month went along without incident. Alicia’s brother, mother and sister all came to stay for Christmas. They laughed, they smiled, they ate till they were stuffed and exchanged gifts. It was everything Alicia had wanted, everything she needed to make her life on the road justified. But as the new year came and went, Alicia knew she had to get back to work. Her first workout back, getting ready for anything SCW could throw at her, was at home. January 2nd, Wolfaslair was not open till January 6th, she sighed and took a long deep breath.

The first warm up, the first set of weights, all of it ached, all of it felt like more of a fight than she had been in the last few months.

She panted hard, sweat dripped from her body making her long blond hair stick to her shoulders. Alicia was blown up and she knew it. ”You really meant it when you said you wanted to start from scratch” She couldn’t help but smile as the voice of Michael Reynolds, her husband and business manager rang out through the door of the gym. Alicia turned towards him as he stepped in, his hands sliding into the front pockets of his jeans.His hair a little longer than normal, going from a short light brown to a wavy dirty blonde, and a five o’clock shadow that had turned into a beard.

The things covid imposed lockdown will do…

She smiled and gave a small shrug as she picked up two weights one in each hand. She took a few breaths and started pulling them up in unison towards her chest over and over, controlling her breathing and grunting with each repetition. Michael moved around her, his hands moving up to touch the gear, he too used the home gym to keep in shape, with one final deep breath pushed out Alicia finished her workout putting the dumbbells back on the rack, Michael reached down and picked up a towel handing it to her. Alicia just smiled warmly as Michael sat down on the weight bench. ”Almost time to go back….” She gave him a small nod. She knew what was coming. ”Are you sure you want to?”

Alicia sighed heavily and toweled herself down. She swallowed hard and moved to sit next to Michael. They had this conversation before. When Alicia first returned home. She looked beaten down, tired and in need of rest. Maybe even a normal life. She briefly thought about ending her career. Briefly. ”You know, for a minute I didn’t. For a minute I just wanted to call them, tell them I wasd done.” Michaels hand drifted over to hers, Alicia wrapping her fingers in with his giving her husband a small smile. ”But, I still have alot to offer, alot to do. So, I can’t.”

Michael sighed and squeezed her hand. He understood, he always does.

”I’m only 29, I turn 30 this year, I have so much more left in the tank and I-”

He put his hand up, he smiled and leaned in giving Alicia a kiss on the forehead. ”I know. I understand. But, if you want to have another child…” He trailed off. Alicia’s heart sank. She knew what Michael was getting at. The clock was ticking, as much as she didn’t want to believe it as much as she wanted to hide and ignore it. Even with medical science coming so far, Alicia only had a small amount of time left to try. And she knew it. ”You know I’m in your corner Vi.” She chuckled to herself and smiled, Michael got to his feet and turned holding out his hand to help her to her feet.

She stood up straight, her arms feeling heavier than they should as she winced. A small laugh coming from under her breath. ”It’s not june yet is it?...cause I already feel like 30 is biting me in the ass.” She walked passed Michael, he tilted his head and gave a small smirk, clearing his throat.

”From this angle you barely look 25…”

”HUR HUR HUR” She shot him a smile, Michael winked and stayed behind her, Alicia got a small confidence boost. But still. She felt sore, tired and now a reminder was put in her mind. The clock was ticking. On her career, and personal goals.

A knights tale

She sat cross legged on the floor. She pushed her back up straight and her chest out taking in a long, deep breath before pushing it out just as slow. Her bright blue eyes opened as Alicia Lukas forced. A small smile coming across her ruby red lips as her right eye twitched and narrowed, a black paint stripe under it across the top of her cheek, a trademark of her time in the ring.

”New year, same ol Alicia Lukas.”

She chuckled under her breath, her long hair tied in a bun as she straightened out her legs and stretched before pushing up to her feet. She wore black workout shorts, a pink and black crop top and her wrists were taped as she shook out her muscles and rolled her neck.

”I say that ‘cause, it’s true. I love my life, I love what I do. I love my family. I work hard and I continue to improve and get better year after year. A scary prospect for most of you since, and I know this is going to sound egotistical as hell, I’m better than you. And look, I am not hiding it. I know it’s a cocky thing to say but, where I differ from people like, say, Jesse Salco, is that when I say I’m better than most of you. It’s true. I have been since I signed my name on the dotted line in Sin city wrestling. And from that moment my name has been in lights, close to the main event and the top title. I had no time to grow into my surroundings, to work my way up from the bottom.To “pay my dues” as some people seem to put it.”

She can’t help but laugh, her arms folding over her chest as she stops pacing and shaking out her muscles, her face turning serious as she clears her throat to continue, a lot seems to be on Alicia’s mind.

”There’s a saying, the cream always rises to the top, right?. Well, I rose to the tp fast. I didn’t do it because I was favored, I didn’t do it because I begged for preferential treatment. I did it because Mark and Christian recognised talent when they could see it. They watched Honor Wrestling and even before SCW and Honor merged they courted me. They wanted Alicia Lukas in Sin City Wrestling for a few years prior and I always had other commitments that stopped me. So when I did walk into this company I did so with the knowledge that the men and women in charge knew for damn sure who the fuck I am.”

“And the worst part was, that I have been hated and vilified for it. From Mercedes Vargas, to Roxi Johnson to Bobbie Dahl. I have been run down and dragged through the mud for simply being a goddamn talent. So, when I got hurt, I had goals. I wanted to beat Bobbie Dahl, I wanted to win back the title and I wanted to prove I was just as good now as I was before. And I have to say, I accomplished that mission. But then…”

“What was next?”

“Where was I supposed to go?”

“Well, I came up with the idea to do exactly what people like Mercedes, Roxi, Andrea, Bobbie and Jesse seemed to want me to do. I wanted to go back to square one and restart again in the new year. I wanted to walk in like I didn’t have a name ot a past. I wanted to just be...Alicia Lukas. But as it happens with life...things often don’t go as you expect. Cause as I have been reminded of so many times by people digging through my past...you can’t escape it.”

She sneers, her voice drops an octave and there seems to be a growl in her southern twang, her eyes narrow and there is a pure unfiltered anger that bubbles from deep in Alicia’s stomach.

”See, my final match of 2020 was against Jesse Salco. A woman who makes a habit of putting her foot in her mouth, saying outlandish things and never learning her lesson. Jesse Salco is the perfect example of someone not learning from her past and being doomed to repeat it. It’s a vicious cycle. She runs her mouth, acts like her losses never happen, she gets beaten, rinse and repeat. But, I refuse to be a victim to my past. I refuse to let it define me. I am a champion, I am someone who has been looked at as dominant. I am someone who has garnered the hatred, ire and vitriol of my fellow Bombshells.”

“But, I am not going to lean into that and let them shame me for what is about to happen.”

“I’m not looking at shooting my way up to the top, I still want to start at the bottom and work my way up and in a way I already started that process by wiping Jesse Salco’s blood off the sole of my boots and taking what was left of her goddamn soul from her body.”

There is a small pause, a chuckle from under her breath and a wink from her right eye directed at Christian Underwood.

”I’m done trying to justify my actions to any of you. So, when Christian asked, I said yes to being in the 2021 Blast from the past tournament. And this is my way at working my way back up to the top, I will either get a male counterpart who will DO HIS JOB, or I will drag a two hundred pound bag of shit to the promised land. Cause that is what I do. But, before the tournament starts, before I can start beating women like Roxi, Amber and others. I have to go one on one with Alice Knight in what many would consider to be a dream match. And I get why. Alice is a plucky go getter, a woman who has dragged herself up from obscurity to be a real darling in the wrestling world.”

“She has respect, she’s won championships, she had a pretty face and a smile that lights up a room and she has been nothing but a sweetheart to me whenever we have spoken. In fact I dare say, I like Alice Knight. I respect Alice Knight…”

“But…”

“I question her devotion to wrestling and to this company.”

“Alice is someone who has been in and out of SCW and wrestling for the last few years. She turns up, plods around on social media with people, has a few matches then goes off into the ether. And for someone with so much potential as her, that is sad and a mistake on her part. And since she’s been back in Sin city she hasn’t been able to really push herself forward as a contender or as someone any of us should really worry about. I mean sure, Alice might pick up a win here and there, she might worry someone or get6 close to a title shot...but...close isn’t good enough.”

She shrugs and sighs heavily before stepping forward and slowly sitting back down on the weight bench to her right, her hands clasping together.

”And Alice, I’m not saying this to be mean or to pick on you. When I go after people like Jesse, Bea Barnhart or Violet Amelia Holt it’s because people like them genuinely feel like I am wasting my time on social media promoting a match or cutting a promo against them or even, turning up to beat them. But with you? I can see the potential, I see what others have seen when they look at your OCW run and what you are capable of stringing together. But you haven’t been able to do it in Sin city. And despite the fact that I lost the Bombshells title to Keira and I’ve dropped back a little...well..”

“I’m still Alicia Lukas…”

“I’m still the first woman to win wrestler of the year, I’m still a former three time bombshells champion and someone who holds records in WWH, Honor wrestling and SCW. I’m still one of the best wrestlers in the world and until you can step up and realise that potential we have all seen Alice, well, you won’t step up to me, you won’t beat me and on Climax Control I will have my hand raised in the air again. People will whine, people will complain and you may have a line of bombshells ready to pay you on the back and spin you a tail of big bad Alicia Lukas “killing” the division again. Those same people will HATE that I’m in the blast from the past and they will whisper and bitch and piss and moan. I hope you won’t join them Alice.”

“I hope this Sunday you step in that ring and show us all the same Alice Knight that ruled OCW, not the Alice Knight who has limped through every match she’s had in Sin city and then tucked her tail and run….because I want...the real Alice Knight…”

Judgement

Have you ever been waiting for an answer to a question and it felt like your heart was going to explode?. Have you ever been terrified of a decision that ultimately was out of your hands? Have you ever known your life was about to change completely in the space of 10 minutes or less? That’s what Alicia Lukas was being faced with. But it wasn’t really Alicia a Lukas was it?. Alicia was her stage name and a persona that she showed the world. Alicia was confident, arrogant and could be brutal. This was Violet Maxwell. And she was completely different. Here, sitting in this courtroom, waiting for a judge to either give or take her children, Violet was close to tears.

Alicia wouldn’t feel this way.

That is all the brain through her mind. Like some kind of mantra. Alicia would not be this upset, she would not be sitting here with her arms in her lap holding herself like a scared child. Alicia would not have let her ex fiancé sit there and blatantly lie about her. She would not have broken down into tears as she detailed the abuse she went through for years all the while wondering if the judge was actually believing her or thinking that she was some kind of opportunistic liar. Alicia and Violet were two very different people. And she knew it. She hated it. It made Alicia feel sick. In Japan she discovered her voice, she worked hard and became a star. She walked out in front of thousands of people and earned respect. Respect of her trainers, other wrestlers and fans.

But here, back in the United States, back in her home state and country where very few people knew who she was or cared, she felt like a nobody. And there were eyes on her. Her own attorney. Her mother, Ronnie, Ronnie’s attorney. They all stared at her and she could feel it in the pit of her stomach. She felt like she was going to throw up. She felt her stomach even her body changed. It seemed to built-up fever pitch when she heard it, the click of the lock on the door behind the front of the court room.

Everyone stood up as the judge turned around the corner. He took his seat and sat down and everyone else did the same. Alicia was breathing in and out fast, the hands of clammy, she felt uncomfortable in her dress. Uncomfortable where she was sitting. Uncomfortable that everyone’s eyes were on her. She could barely make out what the judge was saying, she was shaking so hard I’m so nervous and filled with anxiety. ”The last few days we have heard a list of disturbing things from both sides.” Violet swallowed hard keeping down her breakfast.

Bacon, eggs and sausage was a bad decision.

She closed her eyes tight and focused on her breathing. Her head throbbing and aching. ”And while I cannot verify or find proof for or against the claims made by either party, I can look at the actions and passionate pleas” She could feel her heart racing, hear the beating in her own ears. Her chest erupted, her body tensed up in ways she could never imagine. Her mother reached over grabbing and squeezing her hand. It helped. ”While the children have been cared for by their father, the evidence that he had knowingly and systematically attempted to erase their mother from their lives is unacceptable. So it is of the opinion of this court that Rory and Ryan Maxwell must be returned to their mother Violet Maxwell for full custodial rights..”

She burst into tears. A weight was lifted. Her mother reached over pulling Violet into a hug. Barbara started crying, the first time she had ever seen her mother cry. There was a bang of the gavel, Violet looked up at her lawyer with a tearful smile. Mr Barnett smiled back. ”Thank you.” He gave a nod and picked up his briefcase. Violet took a long deep breath, she looked over at Rinnie. She couldn’t help but smile as he tore shreds off his legal team. His arms flailed, his voice cracked. Violet sat back and looked over at her mother. ”We won….they’re coming home momma.”

They got to their feet. Barbara hold her daughter‘s hand and led her from the court room. They made their way around and outside. As they started to walk down the steps Violet stepped and looked up at the building that she had grown to hate. But now, it was a sign of hope. Violet took a long deep breath, but as sge exhaled the confidence and power returned. Now she felt like Alicia fucking Lukas. And nothing was going to stop her…

Can’t chose your tag partners

”This is so exhausting. Being me.”

Alicia slowly looked up with an exasperated sigh.

”Can I ask a question? Where are my challengers at? Hm?. My defence against Keira was announced with the caveat that I may not be champion by High Stakes. So I said, anyone who wants a shit, just come at me. And then? Silence. When Evie was champion she was calling bombshells out and had bombshells all over her, I became the champion, for the third time, and all of y’all lose your voices. You become silent. A silent majority. Where’s Andrea?. Where’s Roxi?. Where’s Amber? Shit, at this point I’d take Violet Amelia Holt or Bea Barnhart. But nothing, not even Jessie Salco! So now, I’m going into the match with Keira basically cold. Cause I haven’t been booked in anything. Right up to this week. But, before I get into this weeks match and how much of a joke it is, I just want to remind every single one of you bombshells out there that you have had a month to challenge me, and you haven’t, so none of you can whine about my title rain since none of you have the fucking balls to do anything about it.”

Alicia shakes her head and pulls the SCW bombshells championship title up and over the shoulder holding it tight to the chest. The long blonde hair swept over one side of her face has it dangles down just like many of the promotional pictures.

”I’m sure some people must think I’m ecstatic at this match. Because I’ll be teaming up with my fellow well champion. So the whole if I hold up my end of the bargain so will my partner thing should come into play right? The only problem is that doesn’t happen with Jack Washington. Before his match with Alex when he became the world champion, Jack left his partners high and dry because he didn’t feel like teaming. And, that really is a problem because what we have here is a fundamental difference in psychology and understanding when it comes to this business and what it’s about. I’m in professional wrestling not just for money or accolades, I don’t just want to be famous, I want to be the best. I want to finish my career with the highest amount of wins that I can possibly get as opposed to losses. And unfortunately in matters like this that means I actually have to care what my partner does and doesn’t do. And since he doesn’t like teaming with people, and since he prefers personal glory over actually winning improving himself to be a champion, I’m up shit creek without a goddamn paddle or a fucking canoe”

“And I get it, we have this whole champions versus challenges mindset. That’s great that’s just fucking peachy. What would it have killed Mark and Christian instead of doing this knowing that it was going to screw me over, to just team me with Austin?. Instead of teaming with someone who I know, I respect, and I know will actually turn up and do his job. I have to team with an arrogant self-righteous man child who has no idea what it is to actually be professional or champion. Thank you Mark thank you Christian it’s so nice of you when you deliver these things to me. And before anyone gets any bright ideas about me complaining about this match, I’m not complaining about the match I’m complaining about my partner.”

“Because I don’t trust him not to just leave me hanging.”

“The one saving grace about this match is the fact that it’s mixed tag. So if Jack does decide to tuck  his tiny little balls back up into his stomach so they become ovaries and leave it’ll still be one on one because then it’ll be me and Keira. But this is supposed to be a tagteam match. I’m supposed to be going into this match knowing that my partner is going to be there ready to take on my opponents partner. I’m supposed to be going into this match knowing that we are going to be tagging in an out in some kind of conducive work. But I don’t know that. I don’t trust him. And I really should be able to, I should respect my partner. After all this is a guy who is the current world champion. He or someone who beat my mental and my friend and the leader of our stable. I should be able to stand here in front of all of you and say I respect Jack Washington.”

“But I can’t, and I don’t. See when he was going against Alex he decided to bring me into it, he brought Austin into it and while Austin will still sit there and show him respect because that’s what Austin does I want. I have worked years to be where I am and even in just this company I have become a star and I am a sure fire Hall of Famer. And when I’m teaming with someone who not only doesn’t respect that but downright pisses on it? You can assume that I’m going to be a very very bad mood.”

Her eyes narrow, she shakes her head and sighs heavily trying to calm herself down.

”now where does that leave Austin? I put in this very strange position where I’m gonna be on the other side of this team but I kind of want to watch Austin beat the crap out of my tag team partner. But if you take my dislike for Jack out of this then we are still left with the fact that Austin is one of my friends. I want him to succeed but that means me succeeding and winning this match affects him. I have to beat someone that I actually care about. It would be the same with Alex was that would be the same if Johanna was on another team or my opponent. And Austin spoke about it last week, momentum. This is the first chance I’ve had to actually be in the ring for a long time. I don’t know why I haven’t been booked, I don’t know why I haven’t had any matches but it just happened that way. So I need momentum going into this match. But sodas Austin. He needs momentum going into a match with Jack for the world championship. He has a chance to become a two  time champion.”

“And me winning this tag match could disrupt that. He could get in his head and play with his preparation. And I don’t like that feeling. But the competitor in me won’t allow it to happen. I can’t sit here and not give my all and Austin knows that, just like I know he’s going to get in the ring into everything he possibly can to beat Jack Washington down and win the match for his team. That is what you have when you team with someone from Wolfslair. You get someone who will put personal issues aside and just try and win the match. We can dislike our partners, even hate them, but we will put that aside to do the right thing. And that’s even more true for someone like Austin. In a world where certain people keep saying that we all sound alike? Austin is someone who is different. Alex will win at all costs, Johanna is an angry and dangerous bitch…”

“And me?. Well everyone knows the kind of person I am.”

“But Austin is, well he’s all about honor. He’s all about respect. When Austin gets beaten he doesn’t get mad, hell Kedron cheated to be him, and Austin didn’t get mad. He just kind of shrugged it off and said that next time he would watch a lot more closely and wouldn’t fall into the same trap. When I lost the bombshells championship the first time, when Crystal whacked me over the head and Seleana pinned me,  it was Austin who pulled me aside, sat me down and told me that there was no point in getting angry about things that I could not control. We then went and trained and talk some more and by the end of it he had me so confident insuring my abilities that I knew I was not going to make the same mistake twice and that if Crystal came anywhere near the ring while I was having a match I would knock her three ways from Sunday and still be her wife. That is the mentality we have, that is the family that we have. And Austin is a part of that family, he is the heart of the family. And it makes me feel horrible that when I get in the ring this week...I have to break that heart…”

She shrugs but you can see the sadness in her eyes. She clutches the bombshells championship closer to her chest as she stares ahead. Alicia very slowly snaps out of it and looks back up with the camera, she’s a consciously moves the strap of the title belt out of the way so everyone can see that she’s wearing black and red Wolfslair shirt

”You get to benefit from this don’t you Keira?. Think about it, I’m stuck with the selfish world champion he doesn’t like being in tag matches, he will walk out on his partners when he feels like it, and you get the guy who is so honorable that he would never do such a thing and will watch your back despite not really liking you. Now, I’m not gonna comment on our match that should be happening at High Stakes, that’s what is going to happen when we get to that. I’m not even gonna comment about the whole seven deadly sins bullshit that’s floating around everywhere. Again that’s something that I’m gonna drag out under the bus when we are not facing each other. No, instead I’d like to talk about the fact you have this big match coming up and you seem to be more preoccupied with something stuck in your brain and your own wife and Candy than the title match coming up.”

“It takes one look on social media or on the actual shows to see where your mind is at. And this whole thing with your wife and Sin and Candy it’s maddening to me Keira. For so long you’ve wanted a title shot.  Not just for any title you want of the title shot against the top title. You kept trying the entire time I was champion last time, and you repeatedly failed, this time though you get your title shot and instead of focusing on that and preparing for that, there’s all of this distraction. All of this inconsequential, bullshit. If you face me and any type of match, whether it be this tag team match or a one on one match you need to have a clear head and a complete understanding of what you’re going to be putting up with when you get in the ring with me. And the Fact you decided to go out there on Twitter and say that you were going to make sure I stay champion, like I need your help, shows that there is a fatal misunderstanding here of this dynamic. So let me explain it to you nice and slow so that even someone like you can understand.”

“You are the challenger. The challengers job is to challenge with the title. It doesn’t matter who the champion is, they just have to turn up and do their best when it comes to winning a championship from the champion, which would be me. My job as the champion is to make sure I stay the champion for as long as I possibly can and to make the championship mean something. I do that by cutting promos on TV shows, by mentioning my title and getting people to tune in on social media and by winning matches. That’s my job. But to do my job I need you to do your job, and what is your job?”

“Is it to constantly talk about this Sin character? Is it to laugh while your bean head wife cucks you on Twitter every Wednesday?. I’m not sure you even know how to be a proper challenger because you’ve never had to do it. But now you do. And as we go into this tag match, you’re going to have moments where you can get information about me. Where you can learn how I act in the ring, you are going to be able to have experience against me and information. And if you’re actually focused you might learn something. Focus on me, don’t focus on the bullshit around you, focus on me, the champion. Because I don’t want a weak challenger, how am I supposed to make this championship mean something again when I don’t have a challenger who actually knows what they’re doing?.”

“So get prepared sweetheart, go talk strategy with Austin, meet myself and Jack in the ring. And let’s see if you actually learn anything or if you’re too blinded by the stupidity in front of you.”

Bleed it out….

It had been a rough few weeks. Since Summer XXXtreme. The match ran through her mind over and over again. What could she have done differently?. What was the reason for her loss?. Questions everywhere but very few answers. So, she did what she always does when it’s time to refocus and reboot. She threw herself into the gym. She threw herself into working out and into improving her body. But it was always more than that.

Alicia arrived early. Not just before any of the other members, before any of the owners. Alex and Sonya had given her a key long ago, she arrived and opened the large roller door lifting the metal up as it coiled behind the wall above. She took a long deep breath in and smiled. She felt comfortable here, she felt right. Even as the virus ravaged the world, and the greater United States, things had started changing, getting back to a small amount of normality.

She could travel, she could stay with her family, she could train at her home gym. These were all things she had taken for granted over the last few months since returning from injury.

Humans are creatures of habit, we gravitate towards the comfort and the familiar. Even though Alicia had taken herself out of her comfort zone many times over the years she had always craved stability. From when she was a little girl to now, she needed a stable home life, a stable friendship base. Things she had at home. The smell hit her, first thing in the morning. The cleaning products that had kept everything sterile. Even before the pandemic Alex always made sure they cleaned at the end of the day.

”Take pride in the gym, take pride in yourself” She muttered to herself, It was something Alex had said many times, but also something that had been said to her back in Japan. A mantra of respect and honor. Things that were instilled in her from day one of starting down this path in life. Back to basics. Back to the grind. She turned the lights on and smiled placing her back down at the side. She was in her gear, the aic con was on, the music was on and Alicia was in the workout room, the weights sitting around her.

She hooked her legs at the end of the bench that was tilted at a 45 degree angle, holding a fifty pound plate to her chest and started doing sit ups. Each one using her core to push herself up as sweat started to drip from her body to the mat beneath her. The music seemed to drown out the rest of the sounds, her grunting, the movement of the bench she was laying on, all of it. Even the footsteps of the next person to arrive.

His voice broke through the focus. ”How long have you been doing that?” Alex smiled and shook his head, two coffees in his hands. He placed on down near the machine, Alicia could smell it, the caffeine, the shot of hazelnut flavour. She sighed and moved the large metal plate over to the floor, reaching up to unhook her legs from the top of the bench. Alex moved around and sat down on the nearest bench taking a sip of his own coffee. Alicia sat on the floor, her legs crossed as she drank her own.

She couldn’t help but smile. Coffee made her happy. ”You know me, After a win, I’m here early, after a loss...I barely leave.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. She was right of course. Alicia had always been that way. ”You know it wasn’t your fault right?” She looked up raising an eyebrow, ”The loss, things happen, and Andrea is a variable” A small smirk came across her lips as she slowly nodded. She knew he was right But it still wasn’t an excuse. Alicia never liked excuses. Even if they were valid. ”You really haven’t changed. Not one bit since I met you kid...a blessing and a curse being this good…”

He pushed to his feet and moved out towards the office, his coffee in hand. Alicia took a long deep breath in looking down at the top of the coffee up, her finger danced along the plastic rim as steam billowed from the slit in the top.

Her mind flashed back, 8 years ago, Tokyo Japan. A young Alicia Lukas sat on her knees, her back straight. She was next to three other women, all Japanese and men lined up next to them in ascending height order. Her long blond hair was tied back with a few small pink accents throughout. Her bright blue eyes stared forward, a large purple bruise visible on her cheek. There was a loud clap and the trainees all stood up, they gave a small bow and everyone but Alicia walked out to the outer area and to the kitchen to eat.

Alicia though moved around the gym moving mats, rolling them up and making sure the ropes were wiped down in both practice rings. She sighed and cleaned the turnbuckle pads before jumping down off the apron to the floor. She had left one ring untouched, she slid in and moved around it, feeling the canvas beneath her feet, the plywood, the cabled ropes. Alicia closed her eyes and smiled before taking off hitting the ropes over and over again, putting her lead arm out to pull herself against the cables and back again, she suddenly stopped and changed angles before rolling and popping back to her feet.

But she wasn’t alone, a pair of eyes were watching her, his arms over his chest as he stepped towards the ring with a laugh. ”Everyone else is eating” Alicia startled and turned, it was Alex Jones. A young fellow american wrestler from texas who had been a pro for about five years. He was six foot tall, athletic and had long dark hair with blond streaks and piercing green eyes. Alicia bit her lip, she was 19 years old, had been in japan a few months and had only got her foot in the door because of her father.

”You know how it is. I’m not    Japanese, and I’m female. Double the sin, triple the work” Alex chuckled. She wasn’t wrong.

Alicia had turned up with her bag, a few dollars and a name of the head instructor, a man who had known her father Jason Maxwell. The seven foot tall american kaiju. The gym took her in, let her train in exchange for cleaning. She had to pay her dues, they went hard on her. There were no promises in the ring, no promises of training or glory. And definitely no preferential treatment. Her cheek burned, a reminder of her position in the gym. Beneath everyone else. A lesson learned with an errant elbow, a receipt for her own careless mistake.

Alex moved along the apron, his hand reaching out to move his fingertips along the canvas. Alex had been announced as a guest for a few shows, leading a contingent of stars from New Championship Wrestling. Their farewell tour as the company was going to close in a few months. Alex sighed and looked over at Alicia.”You want to show me what you’ve learned?” The question caught her off guard, her jaw dropped and she swallowed hard. This was not the same Alicia we know today.

She had the blond hair, the bright blue eyes and the smile. But there was no arrogance, no battle hardened ring IQ, she was still five foot six, but was barely a hundred pounds. She had no muscle, no power. The curves and muscles we see today were a year or two off beginning. This wasn’t Alicia Lukas. This was Violet Maxwell, debutant daughter of Scarlett Justine and Jason Maxwell. A 19 year old rookie…

”Sure.”

She smiled, she panicked. What the hell did she say?. What did she agree too?. Why would she agree?. She pulled herself onto the apron, stepped into the ring and looked Alex up and down. They locked up, before she knew it Alex had her wrist, he had ducked under and spun around behind her. He wrenched her arm up into a hammerlock, Alicia tried everything, she tried to turn into it, Alex moved his legs to the outside, she tried to duck under and grab his leg, Alex stepped back. Alicia was frustrated, she was panicked. And then it happened. She threw her arm back, connecting with the side of Alexs head, he was off balance, Alicia spun, wrapped her legs around his and took him down with a drop toe hold.

It was basic. But it was effective.

Alicia got to her feet and stepped back as Alex smirked and stood up with a nod. ”Not bad. Considering you’ve been doing this six months, maybe less.” How did he know?. Alicia looked confused as Alex slowly leaned back on the top rope. ”Keep it up, don’t quit. Your effort, everything you’ve done...it hasn’t been unnoticed. Good luck...I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other again.” He held out his hand, Alicia took it and as Alex slid from the ring Alicia couldn’t help but smile.

The easy way

”I sit on a gilded throne…”

Her voice was soft, low but still audible. A small exhale followed as Alicia tilted her head sideways. Her long hair flowing down her back and shoulders from under a black bandana. A small flash of a smile betrays her true feelings and intentions. Bubbling beneath the surface, beneath the smiline, the painted red lips and the youthful looks was an anger and frustration. A self loathing feeling buried deep in her stomach. Anger at herself. Frustration at her failures.

And also, anger at how the story was unfolding, frustrations of a forced narrative.

Alicia sat with the light off, her hands clasped together, her legs crossed under her body. She moved her head sideways staring down at the light coming from her phone, the record light was on, she knew she had to say something, anything. But fort the first time in her life, the former champion and dominant force was speechless. She had nothing prepared. Nothing in her mind. No sheet full of statistics and facts ready to be read from to prove her points. This was an unprepared Alicia.

Time to speak from the heart….

”If you believe what some say about me, I am a pampered prissy little diva. Handed opportunities and titles based on my looks and my ability to politically maneuver myself into positions of power. Talking my way into people's minds and bringing them down to the point of failure. So that before the match even happens I have already won half the battles before the war. I have this ability to twist and turn facts into my favour, to verbally dress down people and break them into a million little pieces. So before I even step into the ring with them, they are broken, battered, bruised. Their egos, destroyed and their self confidence eaten and digested.”

“Part of that is true. Part of it is a game plan. But at the same time, there are a lot of misconceptions. And I’m going to prove, right now, that there is nothing, any of you can say about me, this is as bad as the truth. And as horrible as my story and past.”

“They think I had it easy….and members of my family..well they really did…”

“My mother, grew up into a family of money. She was a pretty little bird in a cage. Given all she ever wanted and desired by a doting mother and father. They spoiled her, showed her with gifts, affection and words of affirmation and all she had to do to keep her position was do all they wanted. And for twenty two years, that's what she did. All thew way till she met my father. Jason Maxwell. A seven foot tall, blonde haired blue eyes mound of muscle, a former college star football player turned wrestler. And...cupid struck…”

“My mother and father had five years together, three children and a lifetime of anger, regret and blame.”

Alicia’s nostrils flared, her heart sank as she talked about dear old daddy, she looked over at a picture of him, from his younger days. His long hair flipped to one side, a grin on his face, his hands up and a two sweet sign flashed. She shook her head and buried the anger down.

”My mother took the easy way out. Instead of sticking with my dad, following him so myself, Josh and Zoey could know him, she went back to her parents, to the money, to the easy life. Great role model eh?. But of course, I’ve had it easy to right?. I got to grow up with my grandparents' money and take the easy way too. I took the easy way out when at sweet sixteen I was set up with one of my grandfather's friends' sons. I took the easy way out when by 18 I had two sons and I was a teenage mother living off my very very abusive boyfriends dime…”

“And I certainly took the EASY way out when I stood in the bathroom, looking over a sink filled with hot water and a goddamn razor in my hand. I took the easy way out when I made the decision to get out of the country in the middle of the night, go to Japan with twenty five dollars to my name. I had it EASY getting my head kicked in every damn day in Tokyo. I had it easy coming back to the states, falling into abusive relationship after relationship because of my own mistakes, having to earn back my kids trust and also finding my father only to lose him to a goddamn heart attack just after I got married…”

“Explain, explain to me how any of that...was easy….”

“I don’t tell you all this because I want to be looked at as a pariah or have people feel sorry for me. I’m telling you this because I want the reality to sink in. Into every single one of you. That there is nothing you can say to me or about me that is in any way, shape or form worse than what I have gone through or thought about myself in the past. See, real power is being able to look at your past, and not let it repeat itself. Because time, history and actions...all move in a cycle. And to be able to break that cycle, well, that shows true spirit and power…”

She nods slowly and sighs deep, her anger still bubbling unjust under the surface, her mind focusing from herself and the admissions of her own shortcomings to that of the future. And her showdown with Evie Jordan, and the championship she wants so desperately in her hands again.

”This entire story, the whole narrative is built behind arrogance. But, it’s the wrong type of arrogance. See, everything, from the attitude of those around me, to the backstage officials and their talk, all the way to the synopsis leading into my and Evie’s match this coming Sunday is all predicated on the belief that I think Evie didn’t beat me at Summer XXXtreme. That I believe that title still belongs to me. And Sin City Wrestling is putting words in my mouth.”

“Go back and listen to what I said before Summer XXXtreme. I told Evie she needed to validate her championship reign and show us all that the win over Andrea wasn’t a fluke. I told her that beating myself and Andrea was the key to restoring honor and prestige to that championship. And, that is all I wanted. The two ways that the title was going to become what it needed to be and find its way back to the main event as the crown jewel of wrestling was either by being in my hands at the end of the night, or by Evie Jordan beating me, and walking out as champion…”

“That is how you fix the title, that is how you remind everyone what that title means after the clusterfuck of what Roxi, Christina and Andrea did to it.”

“But, I didn’t say Evie had to PIN me or make ME tap to beat me. Now, the entire wrestling world is patting us all on the back for the match we had at Summer XXXtreme and so they should. We went in there and we put it all on the line and at the end of the night Evie walked out holding that title high. She deserves to be celebrated for that, she deserves her time in the sun and her time to gloat and stamp her feet and proclaim that she is the best professional wrestler in the bombshells division because two weeks ago on the cruise ship…”

“She proved it….”

“Evie Jordan is the champion, Evie Jordan is the best and Evie Jordan can scream it from the rooftops and now, well now it’s up to me to prove her wrong and to take that title and indeed the throne back. And there’s all this talk about how I wasn’t “beaten” at Summer XXXtreme and it would be so EASY to play into that. It would be easy for me to stroke ,my own ego, to look into the little camera on my iPhone ands record and scathing, arrogant self righteous promo and tell you all how it was a fluke and that one on one she can’t beat me and all the things I’m sure so many of you thought you’d hear from me…”

She leans forward, her voice softens, all the anger has been released, the frustration thrown out for the world to see and hear. Her body language relaxing as her shoulders drop and her breathing returns to normal, the bubbling fire setting aside to her own realisation in the face of admissions of guilt and failure.

”Evie Jordan can beat me, she had beaten me. And this week you should all tune in, but not because I can guarantee I will walk out as champion. You should all watch...cause I CAN’T guarantee it...and that...that should excite you….Evie..lets go to war…”