The National Bunraku Theatre had quite the respectable sized crowd watching in silent awe at the drama unfolding onstage before them. Over seven hundred fans, as a matter of fact, watched with rapt attention as the stage curtains drew aside and the two puppets emerged from stage left and stage right, both wielding swords.
Yes, you heard us right: puppets!
You see, where we are right here is the home in Osaka for traditional bunraku, traditional puppet plays, which have a long standing tradition and respect through centuries in the Orient. Founded in the year 1684, these stories and tales of Japanese history, myth and lore would draw in both citizens as well as visitors, both tourists and dignitaries, for centuries.
And just who might you wonder are seated right near the front row, watching with rapt attention?
Radical: Dude! What's going on? I can't understand a thing those old men are saying!
Narly: Cha, dude bro! You got me there! It's all Japanese to me!
Yep! You guessed right, dudes and dudettes! Narly and Radical, the most outrageous former World Tag Team Champions, were booked once again for active competition, and they were using this fact as a chance to do a bit of touring and enlighten themselves with a touch of culture.
Well that IS what one does when in Japan, right?
Well, one thing one does NOT do when in Japan, especially in such a refined setting as this, is bring hot dogs smothered in everything, because they were getting more than one disapproving look from the well dressed patrons around them. Of course there was also the loud talking, but all of this was lost on the lovable underdogs of SCW, as Narly and Radical continued to shove their dogs with everything into their faces, while rustling their hands into large bags of hot, buttered popcorn.
Radical: So, how are we supposed to know what's happening?
On the puppets's stage, one puppet dressed as a chivalrous knight, charged another and their wooden swords clashed.
Narly: Well I would dare hazard a guess that that dude has a problem with the other one!
The Japanese crowd gasped as a clash of mighty swords (!?) happened upon the stage. The puppets bobbed and weaved, as the swords attached to their puppet hands, struck the other and took swings at the other puppet, but was dodged. Dodged until the swords clashed again, and with a bit of flourish, the one villain was disarmed and his sword clattered to the stage below. The heroic knight then clobbered his vile villain foe to the ground, and there was thunderous applause from those watching.
Radical: Ya think!?
Narly: We totes should have brought our little buddy Despayre to see this! He always enjoys culture, just like we do!
Radical: Totes!
Narly: Totes! Next time!
The 'white knight,' the hero of the stage play, turned to the audience with sword raised, and all applauded. But unseen behind the knight was the villain who slowly rose again, with a dagger in his puppet hand. There was scattered gasps, but none so more loud than Narly who jumped to his feet, throwing his popcorn everywhere in his startled haste.
Narly: LOOK OUT! HE'S GOT A KNIFE!
And before you knew it, the doors to the National Bunraku Theatre were thrown open, and two certain surfers were escorted out (by force), sending their hot dogs and popcorn scattering to the pavement.
Narly: Aw c'mon dude!
Radical: Not cool!
The doors closed behind them, leaving Narly and Radical to look down with forlorn expressions at their lost snacks.
Radical: So, I guess that's it?
Narly: Why, whatever do you mean major dude bro?
Radical: Our evening of culture has been trashed like so much spilled popcorn -- and dot hogs! We might as well hit the gym and prep for TNA and the Acquin-Meister!
Narly: Not so fast, my fast minded friend! While we will be prepared to walk away the excellence of victors Sunday, we have one last stop in the path to enculture ourselves so we'll be more than ready to be heroes in Japan!
Radical blinks, clearly confused.
Radical: More cultured than we already are? But .. how??
The answer to THAT most intriguing of questions comes in the form of the Shinmachi Geisha House in Osaka, where gentlemen would go without the company of women, to be entertained by women.
Yeah, I don't get it either.
Dressed in their colorful Japanese robes and black socks (!!!), and seated at the low table, Narly and Radical watched in delight as one Geisha played her shamisen while others danced. Narly looked to Radical.
Narly: Are we the picture of culture or what?
Radical: Cha! Totally!
And they picked up their hotdogs with everything from under the table and took gaping bites...
