Prologue:
Jack continues to prepare for his championship defense against Calvin Harris, even if he has to do it aboard the Princess Cruise, which he is never happy about. Jack not liking dealing with people or being around them most of the time is a huge reason why he’s so unhappy around the cruise, but he knows he has to do it as part of his job. Only time will time how much actual time he spends dealing with it.
Outside the ring, thanks to the advice of his brother of all people, Jack appears ready to test DeCosta’s word on how much of a truce there really is, but the Washington’s also appear to be ready to leave Philadelphia behind for good in any case. --
Sun Princess Cruise Jack tried to keep a low profile as he walked to his room. Head down, hoodie up, glasses, and a hat. He was bound and determined not to be bothered on this trip if he could help it. He entered his cabin and set down all his item, taking what he needed out of his luggage to set up his room just the way he wanted. Inside of his luggage his pulled out his travel kit and set it in the bathroom. He tested the bed and found it wasn’t the most comfortable, but it would do. He set out the Internet championship on the night stand and seemed pleased with himself. Then, he pulled out the only reason he would ever leave the cabin, and that was his fishing pole. He kept his not really useful but still he was trying level disguise and left the cabin, locking it behind him. He set off to find a spot away from people to fish, but obviously couldn’t with the cruise in motion. He spotted on the workers and pulled him aside.
Jack: Yo... cabin... cabin boy, You work here, right?
The worker rolled his eyes.
Worker: Yes, sir, how can I help you?
Jack: Where is the best place is fish?
Worker: Excuse me?
Jack: You know, fishing. On the crusie. Is there a spot to do it.
Worker: I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow fishing on the cruise.
Jack looks dejected.
Jack: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Worker: No sir, I’m sorry but there are fishing excursions that do happen on some cruises.
Jack: And is this one of them?
Worker: Unfortunately, no.
Jack looks more annoyed than before he was given a glimmer of hope and then it was taken away.
Jack: That’s a bunch of shit.
Worker: I’m sorry sir. I can try and look up if there is an excursion on the next cruise.
Jack: Why would I want to go.... nevermind. You are useless. Thanks for nothing.
Jack walked away dejectedly and went back into his cabin. Now, there was seemingly nothing for him to do for fun. He obviously wanted to stay away from everyone he could, and the only thing he could really fancy doing was drinking at the bar. He didn’t really want to just spend his nights drinking, as it would make him more miserable, but if he had to get out and socialize, this was pretty much his only option.
Jack: This stupid cruise is going to be hell.
--
Sun Princess Cruise Jack would only venture out to head to the bar, and the gym on the cruise to get his workouts in. He tried desperately not to interact with anyone but did take part in the SCW meet and greet simply because he had to. He silently wrote his name and handed out his autographed photos for the alloted time he needed to. There wasn’t anything he hated more, but he did what he was scheduled to do, and then returned to his room.
The days seemed to last forever, and Jack by day three was looking at himself in the mirror and questioning his own sanity.
Jack: You know what they’re doing, right? They’re testing you. They know you hate this, and they’re trying to make it so bad that you crack. But you’re not gonna crack, are you? No, you can’t crack. You’re the rock around here. You’ve got to grin and bear it. You know that’s exactly what they want. They want you to just have a blow up, give them an excuse to take you down. You know you can’t do that. You can’t give them what they want. No, you’ve got to just do what they ask, and then, you can use that shit later. Yeah, use it against them. That’s what you gotta do.
The fact that Jack was talking to himself about the situation was troubling enough, but it’s simply how much he hated this. He found himself simply watching old movies in 4K to pass the time that he had to himself. While everyone else was seemingly having a great time, co-mingling and getting along, Jack wanted nothing to do with any of it.
He splashed water on his face and shook his head. He just had to last a few more days.
--
Sun Princess Cruise It was day 4 and Jack was miserable. He knew he only had a few days left, but it felt like too much. He found himself away from everyone, all on his own as he liked it, and sat staring at the ocean and how endless it seemed. Nothing but water around him. No birds, no land, just water. It felt like it stretched on forever.
This is what madness must feel like.
Jack stared into the endless ocean until hands covered his eyes.
Jack: GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!
He shouted out loud and the hands released his eyes and he spun around in anger, ready to punch the person or fan who dared to put their hands on him. But then he say who it was and he stopped in his tracks.
Bobbie: Hey Jack!
He rolled his eyes at the sight of Bobbie Dahl looking at him, her hands up in a defensive posture.
Bobbie: Man, you really need to relax. I was just having a little fun.
Jack turned away and rested his head in his hand.
Jack: What do you want, Bobbie?
Bobbie: I was just seeing if you were okay. You’ve looked terrible each time I’ve seen you in the hallways and stuff.
Jack: Because I don’t want to be here, Bobbie.
Bobbie: Dude, this is like the open ocean! It’s so cool! What’s not to like?
Jack turned to look at her, almost incredulous to her enjoying herself.
Jack: Look at all these weirdos, neckbeards and losers. You think I want to be around them? At least in the SCW ring there’s a damn barricade! I don’t want them touching me! And I just want to be left alone! They won’t even let me fish on this damn cruise.
Bobbie: Yeah... you didn’t know that? The boat’s in motion. They don’t want anybody to fall overboard.
Jack: I... That’s not the point, Bobbie. I can’t do the one thing that makes me at least a little happy on this damn cruise, I’m surrounded by idiots and people who annoy the hell out of me. Why would I be having fun?
Bobbie shook her head.
Bobbie: You have to make the most of it. There’s really no other way. Look at me for instance. I don’t have this crazy bikini body that all these other girls do, but you know what? I’m determined to enjoy myself. No matter what anybody else thinks. I’ll play shuffleboard and dive into the pool! Why the hell not?! I’m here to enjoy myself and kick some ass. If you’re going to be a grouch this entire time then you’re going to be miserable.
Jack shooke his head.
Jack: Then I guess I’m going to be miserable. Good talk, Bobbie. You can go now.
Bobbie stood with her arms folded and wouldn’t leave as Jack had asked.
Bobbie: You really need to stop being a party pooper. Seriously. You’re bringing the whole vibe down. But you know what, I think I’ve got something that will cheer you up.
Jack: No.
Bobbie: You haven’t even heard it yet.
Jack: Whatever it is, I want NO part of it.
Bobbie: What, you don’t trust me?
Jack: No. I don’t.
Bobbie: Come on, just this once. Have I ever let you down...
Jack stares at Bobbie.
Jack: Don’t be like that. I’ve trusted you before, and you always drag me into something stupid.
Bobbie: Come on!
Jack: Bobbie! No!
Bobbie: Come on! Just this one last time. Then I’ll never bother you again. I promise!
Jack stares at Bobbie, considering this.
Jack: This better be good.
Bobbie smiles and pats Jack on the shoulder.
Bobbie: You’re going to love this.
Bobbie leads and Jack follows, and Jack notices they are going to an area filled with fans. The same area of the meet and greet.
Jack: Bobbie, what are you doing?
Bobbie: Just follow me!
Bobbie and Jack are now in front of everyone as they continue to walk through the sea of humantiy, until Bobbie grabs a megaphone that is not being.
Bobbie: Okay everyone! Get ready because team Bobbie-Jack is BACK!
Jack’s eyes grow wide as he shakes his hand and puts his hands up, trying to downplay this announcement.
Jack: What? No! No, that is not a thing!
Bobbie: It is now!
Jack: No, it’s not!
The crowd breaks into a “BOBBIE-JACK” chant and Jack is having none of this. He obviously doesn’t want to take part in this. Bobbie is rallying the fans to continue and trying to get Jack to stay. Jack tries to leave but Bobbie won’t let him.
Bobbie: One last time, for old time’s sake!
Jack looks like he’s going to blow a gasket staring a hole through Bobbie. Bobbie smiles and ushers fans towards her.
Bobbie: Okay, he’s in position.
Jack doesn’t even bother moving as he just fumes at what is happening. Bobbie is making faces and posing for pictures and Jack is basically in the background of the shots, looking as pissed off as one person could be. After a few minutes of this silent rage boiling over and a handful of lucky fans got an actual picture with the duo, Jack storms off, moving people out of the way and going off to be alone. Bobbie follows him and tracks him down as he screams at the top of his lungs to vent his frustration. Bobbie comes and pats him on the shoulder and Jack just shakes his head.
Jack: Why? Why did you do that?!
Bobbie: Jack I... I was trying to help. Come on, you gotta relax. It was just a joke.
Jack: A JOKE? Are you KIDDING ME?! What is wrong with you?! This is what happens. I give people an ich and they take a god damn mile! We... were a team for that stupid tournament. That is over now. Don’t ever do that kind of shit to me ever again! Do you understand me?
Bobbie: It was just to lighten things up a bit, that’s all! Look, it got you out there and let’s be real, you could have left any time back there. But you didn’t. You stayed and took those pictures. So, I think you enjoyed it more than you think.
Jack: I despise you, right now.
Bobbie: But you know I’m right! Team Bobbie-Jack!
Bobbie puts her first out for a fist bump and Jack stares at her like she has two heads.
Jack: What is wrong with you?
Bobbie: Come on, for the last time. Look, nobody’s around. Nobody’s gonna know. Come on, fist-bump!
Jack shakes his head standing up. He does not return the fist-bump, but he does pat Bobbie on the shoulder, and Bobbie takes this as a sign of progress.
Bobbie: Yes!
--
On Camera:
Click. Jack is pacing in his cabin, he’s mumbling to himself, as if trying to make sense of something he clearly doesn’t.
Jack: I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I really do. Am I being punk’d or something? Is this a joke? Because it’s seriously not funny. I expected that I’d listen to Calvin Harris and use it as an insomnia cure and move on with my day. It was supposed to be so easy.
But I guess that old saying is true. “Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.”
Jesus H. Christ, I just wanted this to make some damn sense, but of course it doesn’t. I at least expected to learn something, anything that would be worth talking about. The only think I actually learned from listening to Calvin Harris is that he’s an idiot and he might chew on his own socks it’s so bad. I’d rather actually that be the case because at this point, it would be actually worth my time.
Let me break this down for you, Calvin, because clearly, you have no idea how this all works. Okay, the first part of this, was YOU, okay... YOU tweeting at ME. I can’t emphasize that enough. YOU tweeted to ME, that YOU wanted to get your “win back.” Okay. Are you with me so far? Are you following this? Am I going too fast for you?
Okay, so now comes the part where you tell me, and everyone else, that YOU aren’t going to harp on that match we had previously. Okay... that already doesn’t make any goddamn sense, but then you proceed.... AND TALK ABOUT THE MATCH ALMOST IN IT’S ENTIRETY. I tapped you out. You’re not bitter about it, you give me props. And it goes on and on and on.
Do you... do you not see the disconnect here? You tell me, you want the win back, which obviously is in reference to the first match. There’s no disputing this. You know and remember, clearly, that I beat you before. Then you say you aren’t going to harp on it. Which is already wrong because you are bringing it up in the first place. Then you harp on it. I’m at a loss, my guy. I really am. I am genuinely curious now as to how you can get yourself dressed every day without assistance.
You just speak in circles, and the worst part is, you really think you’re saying something meaningful. You think it’s profound in some way. Let me tell you there is nothing worse in this world then some asshole talking out of his ass when he knows nothing about the subject matter. I can’t be the only one who has to stand there and listen to somebody who doesn’t have a clue talk like an expert on something, when all they do is prove why they shouldn’t open their mouths in the first place. I feel like I should just play that clip from Billy Madison on repeat for 5 minutes because it means just as much as anything that comes out of your mouth. Because literally the next thing you say, will be the most insanely idiotic thing, I’ve ever heard. Fucking hell, man. Jack bends over in an exaggerated manner to express his exasperation.
Jack: I mean, you really think you’ve got me pegged or giving out some new information that nobody’s touched on yet. Oh, you don’t go the extra mile Jack! I’ve got you now! You’re not showing up every single week to talk! Boom! Roasted! You’re not a team player!
…
Uh, Yeah. Duh.
Are you new? You must be new. Here’s a news flash for you Calvin: I don’t like any single person on this roster. I don’t want to be around any single person on this roster. Why in the hell would I want to be around them any more than I have to? I’ve NEVER been a team player. I’ve learned I can’t trust a single person around here. I come into work, I do my job, and I go home. I am no different from any other person walking the face of this earth that dislikes their co-workers. You want to act high and mighty because you... do all this extra shit? Good for you, bro. You know what it’s gotten you thus far? Not a damn thing. But sure, you go on this cruise, you shake hands, you kiss babies and take pictures and all that other crap. You do that, and tell me, after you lose, that it was worth it. You want to know what shaking hands got me? A cramp in my wrist. You wanna know what kissing babies would get me? Drooled on. You wanna know what taking pictures with fans would get me? Some bratty kid’s disease. No, Calvin, I’m not going to do it if I don’t have to, because it doesn’t get me what I’m after.
Again, you must be new, so I’ll spell it out for you. I’m here, to get paid, and win. You want to know how I became the world champion twice? It wasn’t by kissing a baby. You want to know how I got that first Internet title win? Didn’t shake the guy’s hand, I tell you that.
No, you complete asshat, I won those titles, by... and hang on, because I’m about to blow your mind here.... I BEAT THE GUY WHO HAD IT. I know, I’ll give you a second to realize that. Maybe you’ve forgotten how this works. But again, I want my money. I get MORE money by WINNING. It’s a fairly simple concept, but I know you’re a little slow on the uptake.
My legacy won’t be defined by who I took a damn selfie with, you ignorant jackass. My legacy will be defined by the bank account. It will be defined by winning wrestling matches. Or do you not know how pro wrestling works in general?
I get it, you were handed a title shot, so you may not remember how this works. That is how I get my money. I don’t shake hands with fans, I don’t go the extra mile to get my face of TV. I make people PAY to see ME. And when I show up, it’s an event, and the houses are packed. People line up to get a look at the face of this franchise. I’m playing the game, I’m not letting the game play me.
You think I give a rat’s ass about some snot-nosed kid’s opinion? You think I look at social media more than I have to? No, I don’t. Because it’s filled with stupid opinions. And now, you have made it clear as day that not one person should listen to anything you have to say because you’re just talking out of your ass.
Wait... I think I smell something, Calvin. I smell something I’ve smelled before. Yeah, it’s coming off of you. You know what it is? I do. DESPERATION. Jack smirks, smelling the air.
Jack: You are a desperate man, Calvin. You realize this should be the only time you even SNIFF this championship, and so, you’re going for broke. You really think this is something. You really do. And it would be funny, if it wasn’t so sad.
Oh yeah, that’s why you’re shooting this shot. Hey, I get it, you gotta go for broke at times, but boy, oh boy was that attempt a swing and a miss. But you have to. You can’t rely on the past, because you failed. You can’t talk about the future, because you won’t be a part of it. You have try and paint this picture of me. This picture that I’m an awful person and I’m not somebody to look up to.
And you are correct.
But the difference is, I EMBRACE who I am. I’m not going out there and trying to be a role model. I’m not trying to be a people’s champion. No, I’m just trying to be the champion. Give me the titles, give me the money, and I’m all set. Is there something wrong with that, Calvin? Do you not understand that? Do you not approve of that? Well, neither one of those issues that you have, are my problem. I am an asshole. I talk a lot of shit. And then I go out there, and I back it up. Is that also a problem for you? Again, that’s not my problem. That’s a you problem. You’re going to learn to fucking get over it because it’s not going to make me change who I am any time soon.
But let’s not act like you’re some kind of high and mighty wrestling purist either. I’m pretty sure you’ve done some shit you aren’t proud of, acted like a prick multiple times, I mean, you just did, to me. And yet, here you are judging me. Who in the fuck are you to judge me, Calvin? What gives you the right to judge me? You don’t get to just act superior to me now, when you didn’t from the jump. If you had done that, I might have actually had a little respect for you. But instead, when it suits you, you want to jump on this bandwagon like it’s a saving grace for you. And yet, it has backfired horribly because you thought I would take this bait and try and defend myself.
I don’t have to defend, of justify myself to someone like you. I’m an asshole, and I’m damn proud of it. Jack actually thumps his chest to exaggerate the point.
Jack: Maybe you thought this would phase me, because you needed to talk about me. You damn sure aren’t interesting enough for me to remember or care. I mean, come on now, if you were anything to talk about, you’d be bringing up your title wins, you’d be bringing up your wars or whatever thing that could be at least somewhat interesting. But you didn’t. Instead, you chose to focus on what you think I should do.
And it will not do you a damn bit of good.
You tumbled out of the gate, and that’s not my fault. Had you simply said “I’m coming for the Internet title” I would have said... Okay, let’s focus on this, let’s pick Calvin Harris apart piece by piece. I would have at least had to work for it. I would have had to do a little digging. I would have had to do more than more than what I’ve done already. But you didn’t. You made this easy for me. Even though I don’t really like doing this.
Because this isn’t a debate, Calvin. This isn’t about who is doing the most and who has the moral high ground. You think I want to go back and forth with you, you fucking numbskull? The fact is, you opened your mouth, and then tried to dance around what you already said. You said one thing and then tried to make it about not the thing you mentioned first. You’re the idiot that stumbled and you shot this dumbass shot and you’re going to pay the consequences for it.
So, let this be a lesson to you, since you didn’t bother to actually listen to what I say. Let me once again, make this clear to you, and anybody else: I don’t like, or care about anyone else but me, in this business. I don’t need, or trust anyone else in this business. I listen to one person, ME. I do this for one person: ME. And it has made me exactly what I am, and who I am. I have done amazingly well, living just like that.
After this is over, and you lose, and you’re on this cruise ship looking lonely as all hell because you failed, yet again... I want you to do me a favor though. Okay? I want you to shake hands, I want you to kiss babies, take selfies, go ahead and do a post-show media interview. Talk about the event and the show and how great everyone did and thank everyone for buying tickets. Because that’s what champions do right? That’s what leaders do. And I, will sit my ass in my room, and I will be comfortable as you do all the media you want to. I will sleep like a goddam baby knowing I still have this title, and you... well I guess you can sleep knowing you’ve gone above and beyond and it’s all for nothing.
And then, you can piss off, and never bother me again.
See you real soon, chump. Jack lays comfortably on his cabin bed, the Internet title resting on the nightstand, as the scene fades.
Click. Face. Of. The. Franchise.