Are you sitting comfortably? Good, cause I'm going to tell you a little story.
Have you ever smelt flesh burning up close? So close that the smell will never leave your nostrils for days. Have you ever felt the skin melt on your face as you tried to pull away but the heat is just too much? It all happens in slow motion. Imagine "Say something I'm giving up on you" by a Great Big World playing as everything slows down as you see a fireball heading towards your face. That slow motion movie scene where everything ends, where someone gets what they've got coming to them for a while. That was me, but I wasn't the big movie bad guy, but I felt what he did when the flames licked my face. Somehow, I became the pantomime villain, I was the one getting what I deserve. But did I deserve it? What did I do to deserve it? Because some silly son of bitch thinks witchcraft is real and my family were hunters? That was justification to throw fire in my face?
March 24th 2019 changed me Kedron, you changed me, you're gonna wish you never dragged the happy go lucky out of me and replaced it with this.... This.... whatever the hell I am...
March 24th - Dublin, Ireland.
"Ben.... Ben...."
I had nothing, my throat was swollen shut, one of the bodies natural reaction against harmful things that can kill us, but I remember the thoughts well as I was laid up on some kinda stretcher being wheeled away by some of Dublin's medical professionals. They'd had a busy night dealing with Lachlan Kane as well as my face being flamed by a man with white eyes.
"Ben... Talk to me Ben."
I tried, believe me I tried but the words would not pass my lips, my face covered in what can only be described as the coldest gel one could ever imagine. It was like a block of ice had been pushed down on my face and held there by a giant.
"Ben, you need to say something."
I could feel my body being wheeled away, I could feel the breeze as I was pushed through the hallways where I knew others were standing watching my plight.
"For fucks sake Ben, open your eyes."
I knew that voice. Before everything seemed unfamiliar but it's hard to not know the voice of your own wife, the misdirected anger in her tone made it clear. I tried to sit up, I really did, but straps across my chest stopped me from moving more than just a couple of inches. The cold feeling in my face took away from feeling pretty much anything else, I didn't even feel Evie's hand wrapped around my own until I barely forced my right eye open, glancing to the right side and seeing Evie's fingers locked around mine, the blood drained from her hand as she squeezed mine tightly.
"I'm going to find that son of a bitch and I'm going to rip his throat out." I she told me.
I believed her. I knew her, I knew at that moment she was torn between staying at my side and going for a real life witch hunt. I knew she would burn him at the stake given half a chance, I knew she'd set the whole building on fire just to make sure that he felt what I did in that exact moment. Hashtag loyalty.
"And then I'm gonna melt his face off." She said spewing more venom than I think I'd ever heard her use.
Everything else was a little bit blurry, I made out shapes of fellow SCW wrestlers as they wheeled me away. I saw the look of horror on Sam Marlowe's face as I was rushed past her, the concern look on Amy Santino's face, I even saw the blurry eyes of the man I was meant to face that night, his girlfriend sharing Evie's evil intentions to destroy the man that hurt her man, but all I could feel was the ice cold feeling on my face, trying to give me some comfort, trying to stop the burns from rising up and shutting my body down.
"Honest to anyone up there, I'm gonna destroy that guy" Evie muttered to herself.
Revenge was the furthest thing from my mind as they dropped the wheels and loaded me in to a waiting ambulance, pushing me through the doors and allowing Evie to jump inside, her hand never leaving mine before shutting the doors, but that's where I felt something in me change. At that time, I didn't know why I was the target, but this wasn't any normal attack, I felt that in the core of me. I've been jumped and had my arse kicked by cowards in the past, it's pretty standard when you're in this business, but this felt odd...
"You'll be ok, nothing's gonna destroy my mans handsome face." Evie tried to reassure me.
I didn't even think of the potential long term damage it coulda had on my looks, I was more focused on what I felt inside at the time. I knew there was a switch in me, I knew he did this for reasons beyond what I can comprehend at this point, it just felt different, it felt like a very targeted thing, not just beat someone up to get known, this was more than planned, I felt that in me and I hated it. It was like for the first time in my life, I felt real hate and instantly, I was changing, I could feel me becoming someone I wasn't. I could feel the good breaking away from my very soul and that I was becoming someone I shouldn't be.
My mood never improved over the next few days either....
March 27th - Paris, France.
There's not a lot you can do for a man with minor burns in a hospital. Consider it like touching a hot pan for a second or two. Sure, you're gonna blister and be red, but in a few days, part normality starts to return. I still had red patches, but I wasn't looking like someone had put me under a sun lamp sedated and let me crisp up. I know most of you don't keep up on anything social, or really watch the show, past your own matches, so let me give you a quick catch up.
Evie and I had decided to stay in Paris. It was for a nice little getaway while still being close enough to travel to shows. Could be in the location of the show in the early afternoon and back in Paris before some bars called last orders. Dublin may have had me longer, sitting in a hospital for a day or two, barely opening my mouth, maybe just a tweet or two, but when my mouth was open, nothing but complaints passed my lips. I think they got sick of me, and Paris was calling once more, but I still wasn't the same. Here I was sitting out looking at the Eiffel Tower from the balcony of the hotel, and my mind was still consumed with why what happened, happened.
"Do you want to go and do something today?" Evie asked me as she walked out on the balcony.
The table was set with coffee cups, as well as a pitcher of orange juice with empty glasses. I liked this kind of thing usually, just sitting out on the balcony in the morning Paris sun, just looking at the world go by but my mind wasn't the same as it was four days before. Four days previously, I was looking forward to a comeback match after beating an illness that I thought would kill me, it didn't, yet some jumped up little twat tried to anyway.
"No." I said bluntly.
I watched the look on Evie's face turn from optimism to a frown. Yes, she was trying to focus on me, but I knew her mind was drifting towards revenge, I could see it in her eyes as she walked around the table and pulled a chair next to me, her hand resting on my leg.
"You can't stay in here forever." She told me. "This isn't the man I married, this isn't the Ben Jordan people know and love. Why has this got to you more than any other attack?"
I couldn't look at her, my eyes were looking at the Eiffel Tower in the distance, purely focused on that alone. How do you tell someone that right now, you're not the man she married, that something about that attack changed you, opened your eyes and mind, made you see, think and feel differently? It wasn't her fault, I knew it but like so much with life, we always take things out on the people closest to us when they've been our biggest fans and are not the cause of the problems.
"Are you even listening to me, Ben?" She asked while squeezing my leg.
Her squeeze had the desired effect as I turned towards her, her eyes looking closer at my fading burn marks. It had become natural to her to look close whenever she looked at me, looking for the slightest sign of something being different.
"I'm not gonna stay here forever." I told her in a soft voice. "I'm going to London on Sunday morning to surprise my mum for mothers day, then I'll be back here on Monday morning. I'll be gone for less than twenty four hours."
"I can come with you." I remember she told me
"There's no point." I replied with haste. "I'll be back before you know I'm gone."
I saw the look in her eyes, she didn't want me to be away from her where I was out of her protection, out of her eye sight. She'd barely let me be out of her vision for too long since this happened. For all you see of Evie on your screens, she is very protective to people around her and would not think twice to disfiguring someone who threatened someone close to her.
"I will be fine Evie..."
Well I was for most of the day anyway.
31st March - London, England
The day had gone brilliantly well to my recollection. My mother and grandmother were surprised by my visit home on mothers day, something they didn't expect because they kept a tight eye on when there was a chance to see me on television, they knew that SCW was in Northern Ireland and planned on seeing me there, little did they know doors were getting knocked on, on Sunday morning. I was home, albeit for a short visit, but I could sit in a room in a local studio nearby and do what I had to do. I was fine until I walked in to that studio.
"Five minutes Ben." I was told by the director as I looked at the chair with the camera pointing towards it.
Something wasn't right but I was about to be live in Belfast and around the world, I was about to talk about the horrifying thing that happened to me, that thing where I can still smell singed hair. It was important that I got my point across, it was needed to let the fans know that I was alright physically. People sit there and get cheap heat by slagging the fans off, but when they don't give a damn about you, you ain't a wrestler, you're a bloke in ya undies groping other blokes, that's all. I needed to let them know I was ok.
"Alright, let's do this." I remember saying to the director as I moved towards the seat.
That's the moment I knew something was wrong, I could feel the heat rising through my body, I could feel the sweat dripping out from under my jacket. It wasn't an overly warm day and the studio was nicely air conditioned, but the heat building up in my body was like a camp fire. I looked up to see an unsure look on the cameraman's face as he looked at the director, but he knew we were just seconds from going live and before I knew it, there I was on television with sweat dripping from me, my heart racing a million times a minute, my arm going numb. I could barely breathe as I forced my words to push through but knew I had to end it shorter than I wanted to. All eyes were on me and as soon we'd gone off hair, a smart studio hand handed me a bottle of water.
"Thanks." I said to him, fighting for breath.
"Are you feeling ok Mr. Jordan?" He asked me, a genuine look of concern in his eye.
"Must be the flu coming on or something." I lied.
I knew it wasn't the flu, I knew it was something much more than that. Nothing about me felt right in that moment. My legs wouldn't work, I couldn't stand and I knew people I knew had been watching. I sat for what felt like an eternity. That's when my head started swimming and I pulled out my phone. My eyes were blurry as I tried to scramble for a number, turns out I wasn't good at finding a number, I ended up sending a tweet to say I was heading to the hospital. Epic fail on my part, and then.... Well, darkness...
1st April - London, England.
Sadly, no joking was going on for me on this day. I didn't remember a thing, I didn't know anything of what had transpired, I didn't know what had gone on. The last thing I remember was my phone in my hand and nothing else. All I could see was darkness, but the faint sounds of machines could be heard around me, beeps and air being pushed around. I could feel something on my face but I didn't have the strength to lift my arms. All I could do was listen.
"I don't give a fuck." I heard Evie's Australian tone saying. "I demand to know what the hell happened with my husband, Doctor!"
I remember her voice being so angry.
"Mrs Jordan." The doctors voice began with a noticeable shaking to his voice. "We frankly have no idea. Everything pointed towards a mild heart attack, yet every test we've done has pointed us away from that."
Heart attack, I do love bacon a little more than I should, but still.
"Then what is it pointing towards?" Evie's voice yelled towards the doctor.
"I don't know." The doctor tells Evie. "Possibly a panic attack, an adverse reaction to medication, maybe just an allergic reaction."
I knew it was none of these things. I could feel something under my skin, itching to come out, something that has been clawing me from the inside out. Something that had softly been whispering in my ear since that fire hit my skin.
"Probably lack of bacon." I said through the plastic face mask on my face, pushing fresh oxygen to my lungs.
I had to get that thing off my face, and it wasn't for the want of trying, but has my hand moved towards it, a soft hand stopped me.
"Ben?" Evie said to me, unsure if she heard me speak.
I could feel her leaning over me, her breath breathing on me before my eyes even opened. I was right, the first thing I saw was Evie looking over me.
"How are you feeling?" She asked me.
I powered through her grip, removing the face mask and looking up at her, still a fog rested on my brain as I tried to get my bearings.
"I don't know." I freely admitted.
I didn't know, I didn't know where I was, what had happened. Was I drugged? Poisoned? Something more sinister, I had no clue but there was someone in the room who was far more educated than I was.
"Mrs Jordan." The doctors voice said. "I must examine your husband."
Evie nodded and stepped back, she was as desperate for answers as I was and allowed the doctor to do his job. No one likes a torch in their eyes to help with a diagnosis and I was no different, but I had to allow the doctor to do as he needed to figure out this mystery. It felt like hours for the doctor to do what he wanted to do, when in reality, it was probably just minutes before stepping away and leaving me with Evie looking over me like some kind of avenging angel with no target in mind.
"What happened?" She asked me.
I wish I could have answered her but I didn't know. One minute I was typing a message, next I was here. I didn't have the words for her, but I did know something at that point. I knew somehow, Kedron was being this without even being in the same country as me. I knew he has something to do with this, I could feel it on a whole new level, I felt it in the last remaining part of my soul that I had clinging on to me tightly, I knew he had to have somehow managed to do this. I knew what I had to do, because I could feel he was not a man of this realm, I knew he was something else and I knew that I had to be different. If I was to destroy him, I had to give in to the entity that was ripping away my good nature, taking away my soul. What ever wanted to be let in, I had to say yes...
22nd April - London, England.
"And I did" Ben's voice can be heard saying.
The camera starts today, modern day, no pre recorded to air later this week, today. Ben sits in the same chair he was when he was taken ill, surrounded by the same people, the same setting, yet his demeanour had changed. The usual smiles were replaced with a more serious look, those yellow eyes burning a hole through the camera as he sits with his hands together.
"I said yes to whatever was eating me away inside." Ben starts. "I said yes to the darkness and let the fun side go Kedron because if you are what you say you are, I need to be just as dark as you. Forget the light defeats darkness bollocks, there's always more darkness stronger than you and whatever has taken me over is much, much stronger than you will ever be."
Ben's emotionless face continues to stare at the camera.
"Does this look familiar to you Kedron?" Ben asks. "It's the place where whatever voodoo bullshit you worked also forced you to make the biggest mistake of it's being, because this was the place my soul was left hanging on by a thread, where my soul was clinging on by it's fingertips. Where the darkness inside needed just that one work from me, that word that begins with Y and ends in S. This is where my soul made it's last stand and came off wounded, I came off wounded, I had all but lost who I was, who I am."
Ben leans slightly forward.
"And trust me, I lost it all." He utters through gritted teeth. "I've lost everything that keeps Ben Jordan as Ben Jordan. When the baby blues change colour, you know there's a problem."
Ben points to his eyes.
"This is what you've managed to do." Ben starts strongly. "Not managed to pick up victories but managed to sit there and find a different way to get yourself noticed without being one of those I want a title shot with no basis bitches. You decided to look in to history, long before our time and that's why I ended up top of your list. Bullshit son, you might as well just admit that you targeted me because I have an incredible win and loss record and you wanted to swing your chopper around by saying you took out someone worth taking out. More brownie points for hitting a big cheese like me rather than an Acquin, or Storms, or anyone like that, but just say my family did hunt you down..."
For the first time, a curl of the lip can be seen on Ben's face.
"Who won?" Ben says with a growing smirk. "What was the final score? I mean I still have family and you're sitting there playing with yourself, so if you're right and somehow I'm a witch hunter, there's 2 things to look at. One."
Ben raises one finger.
"Your side seem to have come off a lot worse than mine and two." Ben says while raising a second finger. "It's in my blood and that thing that's been awoken in me might just be hunters instinct that is sitting there ready to destroy you and everything you've ever done. The odds are on my side if what you say is true Kedron, very much on my side and I plan on using that just right."
Ben takes a deep breath as the camera moves closer to his face.
"Everything I've done in return so far has been a warning." Ben says with the slightest smirk on his face. "I could have done so much more but my actions have spoke louder than words and my actions at London Brawling II will be like screaming from the rooftops with a megaphone because the things I'm gonna do to end you Kedron, a little busted nose is gonna seem like the last of your problems. You pulled this darkness out in to the open, now you pay the price for it."
The cameras move closer to Ben's eyes.
"And that Kedron." Ben says seriously. "Is a price you can't afford."
The camera fades out around Ben, just his yellow eyes remaining, before finally fading to black.
