Ugh, the only word I have to describe how things are going with Ben Jordan at the moment. Life isn't a bowl of cherries, or a ray of sunshine, just one dreary day after another. Trouble in paradise has been a term to describe many relationships in the past, but Ben didn't expect he'd ever be in one described as that when a woman was found right enough to slide a ring on to his finger and utter the vows do death do us part, but things have not been blooming in the garden of Jordan lately. Ben had been going through a tough time, trying to try and get himself well after months of treatment for an unmentionable illness, as well as trying to maintain, against so many wishes, a work life that puts him in the public eye, but he saw it as a distraction, but now, his marriage had hit a rough patch for the first time ever, born over a petty argument about houses. Ben was happy where he was, he had a house with land and peace and quiet, yet his wife had hinted at living somewhere else by posting pictures of other houses in strange places. He didn't want to move, let alone live in a house built in a mountain.
Ben was more Bond than Bond villain.
He wanted his slice of heaven that wasn't in a bizarre location, and something this small had put a strain on things much more than they should have. He liked to travel to unseen places, but he wanted to live a normal life, not a life in a strange house in the middle of some sea, in a mountain, or in a tree house. Maybe the treatments were making him less Ben and more doom and gloom but everything was just snowballing on him at this point. He was near the end of his rope and his ability to care about anything anymore was very much waining.
It was seven in the morning when he opened his eyes on Wednesday, the sun starting to come up over the lake outside his marital home. Ben's eyes slowly opened as he laid in his bed, his face away from the middle of his bed. It wasn't uncommon lately for he and Evie to sleep back to back, things had been more than icy between the two of them. They didn't talk, they were both as stubborn as each other and neither wanted to back down. Evie didn't see the big deal in talking houses, but Ben knew what she was hinting at. He'd already lived in an underground house and that was enough for him in the realms of strangeness, but he was sick of the arguing. The two had barely exchanged a nice word between them lately, so it became more common to go to bed with their backs to each other.
Ben rolled over, his eyes adjusting to the morning light, but Evie was nowhere to be seen, also not uncommon. When she wasn't working full time for SCW, she would always be there, but now she had her own morning ritual, up before the birds to set herself up for the day, or maybe she couldn't stand to be in bed with her husband longer than needed with all the trouble going on. Ben let out a sigh as he rolled back over, the debate in his head raging over if he should get up or go back to sleep. Today was fairly free for him, needle free too, he could have laid there all day but the urge to get out of bed won through. He didn't know what he was gonna do with the day, but his head felt heavy with clouded thoughts and there was only one place to go to clear the head a bit when you lived in an isolated area... The lake... And this is where we join him.
Ben Jordan sits by the lake as the morning sunshine continues to rise, staring silently on to the calm waters, his breathing slow as he talks to himself.
"This shit needs to stop." He tells himself. "I can't live my life like this anymore. I'm gonna end up getting depressed again and turning in to fat boy pizza loving Ben. That got me nowhere before."
Ben had struggled with depression in the past, it's been well documented that he doesn't handle personal trouble well, often looking for solace in the bottom of a bottle filled with booze and a pizza box. It wasn't too long ago where Ben was sitting there at rock bottom, twenty plus pounds heavier than he should have been, not caring if it was five O clock somewhere to start drinking, finding himself passed out on random benches in states and cities he never knew how he got to. It was a horrible life and he'd fought so hard to stop himself from being in that position again, but he could feel himself slipping in to that way again. Last time, his friends, his bosses stopped him, this time, he had them all fooled. Putting on a smiling mask whenever Jamie or Sam called, or tricking his bosses in to thinking he was alright at work. Evie didn't notice this, the two were embroiled in a pointless argument, not around each other as much as they once were.
"I gotta pull myself out of this before it gets worse." He says, trying to convince himself.
He turns his head to see his dog, Bear, slowly trotting towards him. Bear sits next to him at the lake side, looking towards Ben.
"Where'd you come from?" Ben asks the dog rhetorically. "Your pampered aris is usually sitting asleep at this time."
Bear obviously doesn't answer, he just looks at Ben as Ben messes with the fur on his head.
"Ah Bear." Ben sighs. "What the bloody hell am I meant to do? I mean you do wanna leave this place, do ya?"
He looks at Bear, who tilts his furry head at him.
"At least not to live in a poxy mountain or something." Ben continues. "Can hardly let you have a bit of freedom and a run around on a mountain."
Ben looks at the lake again.
"I've never really done this before Bear." Ben says softly. "I mean I get the for better or worse bollocks, but why should there be worse? I mean what the bloody hell did I deserve to have all this pony hit me at once? Do you know she said I've become J2H by saying no all the time? She doesn't see she's become Melody by wanting all these cutesy little animals? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but what happened to that firecracker that I married?"
Bear lowers his eyebrows in a sympathetic... or confused look as he looks at Ben.
"What happened to the woman who was unpredictable, and passionate?" Ben asks his dog. "When did she go from bad arse, to Little Bo Peep? She wants sheep, she wants to live in some weird mountain house, the two don't go together, ya know boy?"
Ben runs his hand down Bear's back.
"Ya know." Ben starts "I don't even know what my missus wants anymore, but right now, sure don't feel like she wants me. Come on, do I look like a farmer? Or someone who lives in a mountain? I'm not Dr Evil."
Ben can't help but sigh.
"And this treatment." Ben says with closed eyes and shaking his head. "It's killing me. The cure is worse than the disease at this point and it's kicking the hell outta me. I'm at the point now where I might just give up and let what will be, be. I'm at the point where I can't help but think people would be better off without me around, cause all I'm doing at this point is dragging them down. They spend more time worrying about me and my health, than worrying about themselves. I'm just a bloody distraction to them all. I'm just someone who distracts everyone around him. People would be much better off without me around."
Ben opens his eyes and looks out at the lake once more.
"I think it's time to let whatever happens, happen and not do this anymore." Ben mutters. "Maybe it's just time to enjoy what I can rather than try and kill myself trying to get better."
Ben turns his head to see Bear run away, heading towards some turtles in the lake. Ben rolls his eyes as he shakes his head.
"Good talk buddy." Ben says as he lays down on the grass, his hands behind his head. "Yep, everyone would be better off without me."
Static can be seen on a television before slowly fading in to a television reporter in a studio sitting behind a desk.
"Breaking news coming in." The young black haired woman says morbidly. "It's been confirmed that SCW Roulette champion, Ben Jordan has died at his home this afternoon. Details are unknown, but what is known is Ben had been undergoing treatment for a mystery illness over the past few months. He is survived by his wife Evie. More on this breaking story as we get it..."
The camera zooms out to see Ben Jordan sitting on a sofa watching the news story, his brows lowered as he looks at the screen slightly confused.
"Seems like the rumours of my death have been slightly, well, bloody wrong." Ben mutters to himself.
"Or not..." A female voice can be heard saying.
Ben snaps his head around to see a blonde woman, dressed in black standing to his left, her eyes pale, almost white as she looks at him, looking down at him.
"Come again?" Ben says a little bit taken back by the woman standing nearby.
"Well, you wanted to know what it would be like if you wasn't around." The woman says. "So here I am."
"So I'm dead?" Ben asks the woman. "And you're like a reaper or something, trying to get me to step in to the light?"
The woman takes a step towards Ben, tapping her chin as she raises one eyebrow.
"For the sake of this, you're dead." She tells Ben. "You died out there by the lake. Talking to your dog one minute and gone the next, but no, I'm not a reaper, I'm a visionary."
"Are you dead?" Ben asks, his curiosity getting the better of him.
"If that's what you want to think." She says, just playing it off.
"How'd I die?" Ben questions.
"All that treatment you thought was saving ya." The blonde starts. "Turns out you over did it. You might wanna drop those sessions to once a week. Four times a week put too much strain on your heart, two times a week now, one too many. Your heart couldn't take it, your body just gave up on you. You closed your eyes for a few minutes and never opened them again. Evie found you two hours later. It wasn't pretty."
"So if I'm dead but not really, what's the point of this?" Ben asks.
"Well, you wanted to know what it would be like without you around, so I'm gonna show you the way people became after you died." The woman says.
"Gonna show me Jessie Salco dancing on my grave and Caleb Storm claiming he's the Roulette champion because I couldn't get my shoulders out of the box?" Ben says with a smile.
"Well I haven't got time to show you everyone's reaction." The woman says. "But Caleb Storm did claim he should be the new champion, but Jessie felt bad for a few seconds until Amy took her mind off it by making her do unspeakable things."
"Typical." Ben says with a shrug. "Did I have a good send off?"
"You did." The woman says. "People flew from all over to say goodbye to you."
"Where am I buried?" Ben asks her.
"You were cremated." The woman tells him. "Half of your ashes were sprinkled in London, along the river where you grew up. The other half over the lake in Maine."
A wide smile crosses Ben's face as he holds back a laugh.
"Something funny?" The woman asks.
"I just had a thought." Ben says. "If Jessie wants to dance on my grave now, she can."
The blonde woman shakes her head.
"I don't think you're taking this seriously." The woman says. "When the second half of your ashes were sprinkled in the lake, thousands of people showed up. People from work, people from the town, they surrounded the lake while your wife sprinkled those ashes in the lake and placed a cross where you were found."
Ben frowns, biting his lip as he looks at the woman.
"I think you don't know the effect you have on people." The blonde says. "Maybe it's time to show you."
The scene starts to blur around Ben and the woman before becoming solid again in a hotel lobby. The woman points to an area where Fenris and Aron sit, suitcases by their side as they watch a television screen, watching the same news report that Ben had seen announcing his passing. Fenris looks at Aron, both men's faces covered with shock.
"Son of a bitch!" Fenris yells out.
"This was in Icelandic." The woman whispers to Ben. "But I didn't think you'd get the impact of it if you didn't know what they was saying."
Ben looks at her and nods his head in agreement.
"Good call." He whispers back.
Fenris picks up a glass from the table and hurls it across the room towards where Ben stands, Ben moves his head and the glass goes whizzing past.
"Oi, ya cheeky bugger!" Ben calls out.
"He can't see or hear you." The blonde tells Ben.
Fenris grabs the table in front of him, flipping it over as Aron stands, pleading with his brother to calm down but Fenris ignores him, picking up a chair and throwing it recklessly against a wall as Ben watches on.
"He's never really had to deal with death." The woman tells Ben.
Hotel security swarm around Fenris, jumping on to him to wrestle him to the ground as Aron pleads with the security guards as well as his brother.
Fenris tries to fight them off, but gets pinned down, unable to move his body.
"He took that one a bit rough." Ben says, looking at the blonde woman, who nods in agreement. "We're friends but that's insane."
"Death effects people in many ways." The woman tells Ben. "You get anger, but you also get giving up too."
The scene blurs around them again as another scene starts to form around them, this time to the living room of Sam Marlowe, sitting on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around her.
"Some people lose focus." The blonde tells him.
"This ain't losing focus for Sammi." Ben replies. "This is Sam on a day off, relaxing after a show."
"This is one month after you died Ben." The woman says. "Look a little closer."
Ben looks around the room to see discarded beer cans around the room, her college books thrown to one side with a layer of dust on them.
"That's not right." Ben says. "She's always got her head in those books."
"Not for the last month." The blonde tells him. "She hasn't picked those books up in a month. She's meant to be at an exam right now, but the English connection reminds her of you and she can't bring herself to focus on anything but..."
The woman points at the television, causing Ben to turn around and look at it, seeing one of his matches on the screen.
"All she's done is sit here watching your matches and all your backstage segments, especially the one's you two did together." The blonde tells Ben. "Over and over, all day every day. Everything you've ever done on screen, just watching your stuff over and over. You being gone took away her focus from everything at all."
An uneasy look crosses Ben's face as he frowns at the blonde, before looking back at Sam, her eyes glued to the screen.
"She didn't need me for focus." Ben says softly.
"You'd be surprised." The blonde woman says.
The scene starts to whiz around again, this time in to Oasis, the homeless shelter set up by Ben and Jamie. The place seems to be falling in to disrepair, water drips from one corner of the room on to the floor, light bulbs missing from the light fixtures, a weird smell also filling the place. Ben watches as he sees Jamie walk across the room, his clothes scruffy, and a strange, unseen before stubble on his face. Ben looks around as he sees Jamie walk in to a side door.
"Surely he hasn't run out of finance to keep this place running." Ben says. "I left this place millions in my will to give him enough time to run this place. Was meant to last years, unless it's been years."
"It's been two months." The blonde woman says bluntly.
"Two bloody months?" Ben says surprised. "Two months and it's turned in to this?"
"You'd be shocked at how much Jamie did to this place." The woman says. "He did all the repairs himself to save money to put in to making the place a success. He put in so much effort, to keep everything rolling and moving on. He pretty much spent all his time here working and keeping this place going."
A quick flash of light takes Ben and the blonde woman in to Jamie's office, where Jamie sits behind the desk, papers all over it, in no particular order. A knock at the door can be heard and a young boy walks in. Jamie raises his hand.
"Whatever it is, I haven't got time to deal with it." Jamie says. "So unless the place is on fire or there's a fight or something, come back to me later."
Ben look at the boy as he walks out of the room.
"Jamie gave up on everything." She tells Ben. "He struggles to get out of bed every morning, he hates being here, but comes out of necessity. He comes here because he has to, but he doesn't want to be. This is the house you two built together and it breaks him every time he walks in here."
Ben watches Jamie open the desk draw, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and a glass, looking in to the draw to see a picture of himself as Ben as SCW Tag Team champions. He looks for a second before closing the draw and filling the glass.
"Nice way to remember me." Ben says with a shrugs.
"It's not that he doesn't want to remember you." She tells Ben. "It just hurts him to think about it. Time heals all wounds, but right now, this hurts him so much. He couldn't stop you from being ill and it hurts."
"He's not a miracle worker." Ben says. "No one can stop illness. What will be will be."
"He beats himself up over the fact he didn't spend as much time with you lately." She says to Ben.
"He didn't know I was gonna randomly fall off me perch, did he?" Ben replies. "It's not like I woke up in the morning and had a choice."
"Grief does strange things to people." The woman explains.
The scene blurs around Ben once again, this time changing to a dark room. Ben looks around recognizing it as his own house. Evie sits on a sofa, her hands clutched around a wedding photo of her and Ben.
"Have you ever seen your wife look so bad?" The blonde asks.
Ben looks closer at Evie in the dark room, his eyes staring at her, seeing that her hair is messy and greasy, no make up on her face, just swollen red eyes. She sits in just sweat pants and tank top.
"It's been three months since she found you." The blonde woman explains. "Three months without you here. Three months since she died inside too. She's left the house only for a couple of reasons. She's left to go to your funeral, she left to sprinkle your ashes and she leaves every night to sleep at your cross by the lake."
"She sleeps outside?" Ben asks.
"Every single night." The blonde tells him. "She swore once she put your ashes in the lake that she would always own this house to be close to you. Every night, she is there. She hasn't slept in the house in two months, she hasn't seen anyone in two months. Deliveries get paid by card and told to be left outside the house. Christian and Mark come by every week to put flowers at your cross, many times they've knocked on the door and not once has she answered. She left SCW right after you died, disappeared from social media and been sitting in the dark ever since."
Ben closes his eyes, fighting back tears before opening his eyes.
"Her whole world changed when she found you." The woman says. "It completely changed, she lost one of the few good things in her life, she lost the one person who understood her and gave her a clean slate in life. She cries herself to sleep every night when she's by that lake, every night because you're not with her."
Ben breathes deeply.
"What is the point of showing me this?" He asks softly.
"A few reasons Ben." The woman says. "First off, your wife cares, so you're in the middle of a fight, you're still her world. Secondly, you give up, bad things happen. Thirdly, and most importantly, a life lesson to everyone. Just because you don't see the impact you're having on someone's life, does not mean you don't have one. People impact each other without knowing every day, feelings should always be shared, people who mean something to you, should be told. No one is gonna be around forever, anyone can die at any given time and you may never get to say what you really feel, they'll never know and you'll spend the rest of your life regretting that you never got to say thank you to the people who make your life worth living."
Ben sits next to Evie, putting his hand on her shoulder, causing her to turn and look in his direction, even though she can not see him. Ben looks across at the blonde.
"So when I kick the bucket for real, I guess I will be seeing you again to show me to the light." Ben says.
"Yes." The woman confirms. "But not for a while..."
Ben opens his eyes by the lake, looking up at the sky and sharply sits up.
"That was one crazy dream." Ben says.
Ben looks around to see Bear standing at the feet of a blonde woman, dressed in black, easily recognised from the dream. The woman waves at Ben and winks before dispersing in to think air. Bear turns back to look at Ben confused before charging towards him, looking at Ben with questioning eyes.
"Don't ask buddy." Ben says shaking his head. "Don't ask."
Ben turns his face to the camera.
"It's no point doing the finger clicky thing." Ben starts. "He won't stay still anyway."
Ben smiles.
"Time to talk about Caleb Storms." Ben says with a slight shrug. "Ever since I went and offered him the match, people have been in me ear hole asking me why. I mean it's obvious I don't think he's up to it, it's obvious that he's had more than enough chances at belts and proved he's not good enough to hold any of them, more than obvious he's clutching at straws every time he asks for a shot at something because he ain't up to the challenge, but ya know what people, I couldn't deal with all the hassle that was gonna come from Caleb Storms title chasing."
Ben pauses for a second.
"Really couldn't deal with responding to him every week asking why he thinks he deserves it and never getting a straight answer." Ben says firmly. "I mean you could ask him every single week why he thinks he deserves a shot at anything and he will waffle on a bit without really answering it. He'll make an old joke or something, when he might as well just say he deserves it cause he asked for it. That's not how things work anywhere. I mean I want Millwall to win the Premiership in two years time, just cause I want it, doesn't mean they deserve it or it's gonna happen and that's what all this is about. Wanting something just ain't enough and Caleb wanting this just ain't making it enough to get it, so I had to stop this early. I didn't want to sit there and listen to him go on constantly about it week after week. The man has had chance after chance to earn it and let's be on the hooter here, he hasn't. Contenders matches, non title matches, you name it, he's had it to have a chance to prove he was decent enough to step up and he simply can't do it. He's reaching out for something that isn't there. We all know it, so people clearly think I lost the plot to offer him this one chance."
Ben inhales sharply.
"Not lost the plot at all to give him this shot." Ben says with a nod. "I've heard all his excuses before and I guess his heart wasn't in to it non title, so here you go, your one and only shot Caleb. You know this is a roulette match, you have time to mentally get ready for it, after I beat you, you can't use that as an excuse. The title is on the line, can't use the my head wasn't in it cause there was no prize on the line because it very much is on the line. You've got everything to win here and you really have no wiggle room for excuses. You know I'm not gonna cheat, the referees are not gonna fast count, no one's gonna get involved, it's just two men with a big prize on the line, so when I'm done beating you, what ya gonna say then?"
Ben looks up at the sky thinking before looking back at the camera.
"I know, I got it!" Ben says clicking his fingers. "Your boots were done up too tight, or you didn't have your wheatabix that morning, or the ring was too bouncy, or the crowd wasn't making the right noises. What silly excuse is it gonna be?"
Ben raises his eyebrows as he rubs his chin.
"Maybe the state is too hot for you to wrestle in." Ben starts "Or your water wasn't the right temperature. I can go on forever because it is all excuses from you, it is all the loser speeches because you just can't accept someone is better than you. I am better than you Caleb, I've proved it before and I will prove it again with it all on the line. There is no time for excuses, there should never have been any in the first place cause you got beat by a better man."
Ben breathes deeply as he looks around the lake.
"It's time for the little digs to stop Caleb." Ben states "It's time for you to move on and go and bug someone else, go and talk bollocks about someone else in hopes to get famous, because it's not gonna happen with me after Sunday. I won't humour your words anymore, or demands, I won't take any notice of you trying to goad me, or to work your way in to matches against me for yet another failed title shot. Do yourself a favour if you want a belt so bad, go find another partner, cause Sammi is way too good to be held down by you, and keep chasing Kain and Mercedes, keep running after those tag belts where you have someone to hold your hand through it cause when it comes down to one on one with me, you're not gonna have much luck at all."
Another pause for the Roulette champion.
"You're gotta sit and ask yourself what you'd do different against me this time out, when I already gave you a chance to earn a shot." Ben muses. "I mean to me, you haven't really improved by holding the Mixed Tag Team titles. You pissed on your partner saying it was all about you and trust me mate, it wasn't. You haven't really done anything on the shows to make it seem like you've improved, same old rubbish talk about going for a title. You haven't evolved one little bit since you stepped in the door here, yet you claim to be championship material? Turn it in son, you ain't even league one material."
Ben smiles to himself.
"Real football fans will get that one." Ben says looking down the camera. "Let's face facts Caleb. You're not gonna do anything different this time in the ring as you did the last time, it's not worth talking about or worrying about. The facts will stay the same and I will still walk out as the SCW Roulette champion."
Ben nods firmly down the camera.
"But anyway you lovely lot, I will leave you to your day. Caleb, I'll see you Sunday where we will put an end to this once and for all." He says in a firm tone.
Ben winks down the camera.
"Laters people!"
The camera fades to black.
