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What can I say?
I mean we all saw it happen. I went out to that ring to compete once again, and came up just short. Sam Marlowe made me out to be a liar, in what is starting to look like a trend. I don't have any excuses for it. In all honesty, I'm not even sure what's happening out there. I thought that I was ready for this. I thought that it was time for me to come back and make a real mark on this company.
I guess I just haven't felt much like myself since that last match was Evie. You know, I was just starting to get back to normal again and she swooped in to make sure to put me off balance again. I felt good going in. I mean, I really felt like I did back in the Blast from the Past tournament a couple of years ago. Then, over the course of that match, I just kind of felt that feeling slip away.
It's not like I'm doing anything differently. I'm spending more time in the gym than I ever have in my career or various recoveries. I'm trying to break down what my opponents bring to the ring. I'm doing the homework. You know, the part that everyone leave out when they talk about being in this business.
None of it seems to be adding up anymore though. I used to be able to confidently carry myself into these matches knowing that I have put in all the other work, and that the things inside the ring would just come together. Lately, they just aren't coming together like that. I'm making mistakes. More importantly, my opponents have been able to capitalize on those mistakes. For the first time ever in my career, I am on a losing streak. Since coming back, I have been losing a lot more than I have been winning. I can recognize it. I can admit it, and I'm not making any excuses for it.
Like I've said, I'm not even certain what's going wrong. None of the idiots at Jet City South have had any wisdom to impart either. For all of the mentors supposedly helping me, none of them seem to have an answer for this one. Then again, they are all too good to admit even half of the stuff that I am talking about now. If you ask either of the Mixed Tag Team Champions, they'd never even admit having lost a match before let alone dealing with a losing streak. There's no way anything that they have to say can help me.
The only thing that I can do is keep showing up and hoping that eventually I break through whatever is holding me back. If I am going to find an answer, my guess is that it is going to be somewhere in that six sided ring. Hopefully I find it sooner rather than later, because as it stands I am quickly becoming the next Jessie Salco-esque punchline around here.
All I can say is that I worked too hard to make it back to just pack and up and leave at the first sign of bad luck. I don't know how many times I am going to have to lose before things put themselves back together, but I'm not going to get discouraged. I'm not going to stop showing up. For all I know, I have two years worth of ring rust to work off, and I'm not quite back up to speed. Maybe it's been so long since I was at the top of my game that I don't even know what that's supposed to be like.
I know that I still want to be here. I know that there is fight left in me.
Maybe Char Kwan finds some way to bring out the best in me. Maybe this match will be what I need to shake myself free of the nightmare situation that I have been living in over the last month. She hasn't exactly found herself on the winning side of things very often lately, so my chance to pull out the win here is just as good as hers.
I won't quit. I won't go home a failure.
I'm going down to that ring Sunday.
This is where I was meant to be. This is what I was meant to do.
Fuck everything else and anyone that disagrees.
