“Imma stop singing this song…
Cuz I’m high.
I’m singin’ this whole thing wrong…
‘Cuz I’m high.
And now you can’t read this shit…
And I know why!
I wrote it while I was high!
Wrote it while I was high!
Wrote it while I was hiiiiiigh!”
(We hear the clicking of controller buttons and explosions in the darkened surround sound theatre where we see Levi Russow...empty chip and fast food bags everywhere...dark circles under his eyes...with a massive three chamber bong in front of him.)
Levi Russow: No tiddysprankles22 YOUR MOM is the blowjobber!!! And wha-oh now you’re cryin’? NOOOOW he’s cryin’. Yeah, yeah, Hi Mrs. Honeycutt. Yes I know it’s just a game. Yes i know he’s ten. Well if he didn’t want this work he shouldn’t be usin’ the big boy words in this house! What!? No..no YOU are! YOU’RE immature! YO-
(The clink of curtains being quickly drawn echoes through the air as sunlight beams into the vampires eyes and he hisses like that of a feral roaming cat. A stray cat. Stray cat strut I’m a ladies cat. Zoot Suit Riot...this was pretty much the same sooooong! Anyway, its Levi’s wife.)
Emma Russow: WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE A SEVENTH GRADE LOCKER IN HERE!?
Levi Russow: I PEE’D IN A GATORADE BOTTLE!!!
Emma Russow: EWW THAT’S FUCKING DISGUSTING!!! WHY!?
Levi Russow: I’VE NO IDEA!!!
(Levi collapses back into his chair rubbing his eyes and grabbing for his bong which is slid out of the way by Emma as he paws for it like a child after a baba...butIlikeacookie…*ahem* she scolds on…)
Emma Russow: Why the fuck aren’t you preparing for your match?
Levi Russow: I AM. Trust me.
(Levi clicks the TV over to show a montage of Agostino Romano promos.)
Levi Russow: TRRRRRRRUST me…
(Levi quickly throws himself at his prey and slides halfway across the floor hitting it at the same time before blowing the smoke at his wife.)
Levi Russow: Trust me...if you’re gonna do tape with me...this is gonna help.
(Emma stares at him with her arms crossed and a stern looking scowl on her face...that lightens…)
-One Hour Later-
[/b][/color]
(We see light from the upper window illuminate into the smoke filled room as Emma exhales a large cloud and starts to cough as Levi screams and stomps his feet.)
Levi Russow: That’s my GIRL!!!
Emma Russow: Wait so like...he just...TALKS!!!
Levi Russow: That’s how I see it.
Emma Russow: He gets a red rocket for crotch rockets...and he talks. That’s...what?
Levi Russow: ...I wanna Tour of Italy...Imma place an Uber Eats, you want anything?
Emma Russow; ...just so much...TALKING. And like, he’s not SAYING anything!
(Levi exhales and clicks away at his phone.)
Levi Russow: Gonna get 2 Tours of Italy...I’ll eat what’chu don’t.
Emma Russow: LEVI!
Levi Russow: WHAT WOMAN!?
Emma Russow: PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION, THERE’S OBVIOUSLY A CAMERA HERE!
Levi Russow: OH SHIT! I THOUGHT I IMAGINED THAT, HIDE THE SHIT!
Emma Russow: It’s a lil’ late NOW don’tcha think? Besides. We have licenses for it. It’s legal.
Levi Russow: They can tax an arm and a leg outta it...but the American Dream is still alive, dammit!
Emma Russow: Probably shouldn’t scream that too loud facing off against an immigrant, babe.
Levi Russow: Holy shit dude...you’re totally right, good CALL babe!
(Levi wipes his eyes and adjusts himself up to the edge of his seat holding up a finger about to speak matter of factly before...he slowly falls backwards with his legs crossed and his hands folded on his chest.)
Levi Russow: Ah Agostino it’s how they say…”tranquilo, assenayo.’ Now I get it. You’re super stoked on what you did in the motocross world. And as you should be! See there is an actual sport you can thrive at! Now...I can’t be too “mean” to you. I AM working a face angle after all!
(Levi pretends to pull on the collar of his shirt like “oh brother!”)
Levi Russow: I’m not gonna lie to you Agostino...I forgot about you. Because you’re that fucking forgetable. I’m the PATRIARCH of the RUSSOW Family, kid! I’m the Kazuya Kiryu of this fuckin’ company and you? You’re like the rambling old man guys like me take the fall for murderin’. But that’s the best part! I’m gonna off you on live TV and no one is gonna care!
Emma Russow: LEVI!
Levi Russow: FINNNNNEEE...I’m going to compete my heart out respectably in that ring where my name was blessed enough to flourish IS THAT BETTER!?
Emma Russow: Much!
Levi Russow: Good! Look, you’re gonna get your ears talked off...God knows I’m not here for it. You can show yourselves out!
(With that the camera fades to black with Levi picking the controller back up.)
